Embracing Authenticity, Joy of Being You

There was a point in my life where I didn't really enjoy being alone because I didn't like the person I was with . This has been the most rewarding work of my life , because your own company is something you can't get rid of .

Consumerism attempts to have us get rid of our thoughts about ourselves , but that comes with a very heavy price the price of overspending on items and expenses that we can't afford , all just so that we can escape our presence , and the price of never learning our true values , price of never being able to teach our children how to be themselves , how to enjoy

themselves . Like I said , a very heavy price . So the question I asked was how many people do I really know that truly enjoy being with themselves , and why is it that so few of us truly enjoy being with ourselves ?

We often want to be different or better , and in doing so we miss out on the unique and the extraordinary experience of simply being who we are , and in this podcast , I want to change that . I want to help you learn the value of embracing and enjoying yourself just as you are in this moment .

Imagine waking up every morning excited to be who you are , without any need of change . Imagine finding joy and amazement in simply being alive . Let's work together to cultivate this mindset and embrace the incredible experience of being ourselves .

As a Muslim woman , I have found that one of the easiest ways to embrace and enjoy being myself is to remember that I am not the creator of myself . I was created by a much higher power and it is not my place to judge my own creation . Instead , it is my responsibility to marvel and appreciate the unique nature of this one-of-a-kind person that I am .

There has never been another human being exactly like me , and I'm constantly filled with wonder at the reasons behind my existence . Why me , why this way ? Why now ? Questioning with the sense of awe ? By focusing on gratitude and appreciation for the gift of life , I'm able to find joy in simply being myself . I invite you to do the same .

Learning to enjoy yourself , for simply being with yourself , is an active task . It does not come naturally . It requires constant energy , dedication and work , and it is hard work . We have an internal voice , our shaitan taqareen , that was placed there by design . Iblis made dua . That was granted Surah Araf , ayahs 7-13 . Surely we created you , then shaped .

You then said to the angels prostrate before Adam . So they all did , but not Iblis , who refused to prostate with the others . Allah asked what prevented you from prostrating when I commanded you ? He replied I am better than he is . You created me from fire and him from clay . Allah said Then get down from paradise .

It is not for you to be arrogant here , so get out . You truly are one of the disgraced . Be arrogant here , so get out . You truly are one of the disgraced . He appealed then delay my end until the day of their resurrection . Allah said you are delayed until the appointed day .

He said for leaving me to stray , I will lie in ambush for them on your straight path . I will approach them from their front , their back , their right , their left , and then you will find most of them ungrateful . These were the Quranic ayahs In one hadith Abdullah ibn Mas'ud reported .

The Messenger of Allah peace and blessings be upon him said Each one of you has a devil companion from the jinn over him . They said Even you , o Messenger of Allah . The Prophet said Even me , yet Allah helped me against him until he embraced Islam . He does not order me to do anything but good .

Sahih Hadith reported in Muslim we have such strong evidence in Islam that we have an inner voice that is non-friendly , causes our destruction , yet there is no emphasis on it in psychological terms . This overall theme has been theorized by multiple psychologists and they call it the inner critic or the shadow side , but it has not been explored in depth .

Every human being has a default wiring the nafs that pulls us down , and our inner critic , the shaitan , uses this default wiring to bring us down even more , and every human being's work on this planet is to lift themselves up . As a Muslim woman , it is common to have a certain idea of what parts of you are deemed acceptable or unacceptable by society .

This may include negative traits , such as sadness , rage , laziness and cruelty , but it may also include positive traits or qualities that are uniquely yours , such as personal power , independence , emotional sensitivity . Women are socialized to believe that these are unacceptable qualities .

It is crucial that we learn to embrace and celebrate all parts of ourselves , rather than trying to suppress or hide the aspects of our identity that may be seen as unconventional or different . Our inner shaitan uses social forces and shapes our inner voice against us . I don't believe social forces are to blame .

I don't believe men or religious clergy is to be blamed .

I actually don't think blame in itself is a good strategy , but it is up to individual women to notice how much of these invisible social forces are affecting them and to ameliorate their effect with self-directed neuroplasticity , taking part in your own growth , self-coaching , recognizing your belief patterns and removing them when necessary .

I believe every human being created is pure and they're a soul on Petra , and while the world might seem like it's forcing us to create a point of view of us , we have the freedom to create our own point of view . You , as a Muslim woman , has the same liberty .

It is important to accept yourself and live your life exactly as who you are , both for your own benefit and for the benefit of the world . But you may find yourself thinking that there's something wrong with your appearance , intelligence , abilities , skin color .

You might blame your circumstances , such as your parents , friends , teachers , or any perceived shortcomings or difficulties . Your lives are uniquely yours and it has its own purpose and you are enough just as you are . You have been given exactly what you need to be successful . You have been given exactly what you need to be successful .

So why is it that we have to keep coming back to these reminders , and why is it so hard to enjoy just being with yourself ? Why do you end up thinking your life has gone wrong or something about you is off ?

Have you heard your brain tell you things like I should be better looking , I should be smarter , I should be more athletic , I should be more outgoing , I'm too fat , lazy , tall , short , awkward , skinny . I would have been better off if I had different parents , different friends , different teachers . Something has gone terribly wrong with my life .

Anytime should be appears in your thoughts . Anytime you think your life should be different , you are resisting what is . You're not giving yourself a chance to enjoy yourself . That stems purely from judgment and that is purely the work of the inner Qarin , the Shaitan .

All of this is the work of the Qarin , where it presents negative self-talk as factual , and it becomes so much easier for us to believe these negative thoughts that appear like facts than it is to celebrate . All that is as if it was meant to be that way . We are supposed to be just as fat or skinny , ugly or pretty , smart or dumb as we are .

That is exactly what we can take delight in . We're exactly supposed to be the way we are . Your limited perspective and the way you selectively focus your attention can create the illusion that life is either one way or another , and in order to understand the big picture , it's important to understand why and how you get stuck in the details .

So the first thing that steals the joy of being you is the phrase should be Like something else should be true instead of what is true . If you have an idealized image or idea of how life , relationship and the world should be , that leads to feelings of frustration and disappointment when reality does not match up with the idea .

Use the idealized image to strive for your goals . Do not use it to feel bad about yourself now . Do not use it to ruin your company with yourself now , and to enjoy your own company , you have to have positive and accepting attitude towards yourself .

This involves actively choosing to like yourself , prioritizing your own needs and desires , listening to yourself , setting boundaries and taking care of your physical , emotional and mental well-being . This involves making choices and active participation in your life rather than simply passively accepting what is .

This involves making your needs known with confidence , because even the people in closest relationships with you cannot read your mind about what you want . They need you to verbalize your priorities and they need you to do it often . Enjoying yourself does not mean trying to enjoy as long as others approve . They might or might not approve .

Their acceptance is of no consequence . Ignoring your needs and desires at the trade-off for acceptance sends the body a subliminal but ever-present message that you as a person is not important .

This type of language might not surface fully into consciousness , but it always impacts your body and , by extension , your life , because your body is the fuel to your actions and actions create your life . This language has negative impacts on your self-esteem and overall sense of worth . How are you supposed to enjoy yourself like that Then ?

No wonder you avoid your own company and are constantly consuming . This avoidance and consumption leads to you not learning what your wants and desires are . You're not understanding what your needs are . You want to bring clarity to your desires , but they are are unknown to you , and how are you supposed to make them known to others ?

I would challenge you that half the time you don't even know what you want , then you translate into becoming a stubborn personality that people should know what your wants are , especially husbands . And when they don't know your wants , resentment becomes inevitable .

No one knows what your wants are , no matter how much they love you , no matter how much of a deep , committed relationship they are in with you your parents , your siblings , your cousins , your best friends . They don't know what your wants are , even if they have spent their entire lives with you .

And to expect that they should know is just another fight with reality . These types of expectations are seeded in from the TV version of relationships . That creates an undue burden on relationships that you actually have . Without having your wants and needs known , there's no chance that they can respect them .

And to make them known , you have to know them yourself , and for you to know them yourself you have to spend time with yourself . Other people can't respect something they don't know exists . Spend time with your thoughts and feelings , the experiential you .

If you worry that focusing on your own needs and wants will make you selfish , I want to remind you that it is a story that your lower brain is creating for you to keep you unhappy . This is yet another story by the shaitan . In reality , it is absolutely necessary that you are happy first if you want to give others in a genuine and heartfelt way .

Prioritizing yourself makes you more capable of service without feeling drained or resentful . Paying attention to yourself and meeting your own needs can actually increase your capacity to be compassionate and caring towards others . So be eager to spend time with yourself and for yourself .

So , like I've said many times , enjoying yourself is about paying attention to what you want , but more importantly , it is also about what you don't want . The joy of being you will evaporate if you cannot say no . The inability to say no will impact you physically and emotionally .

On the physical level , this can manifest as various types of illnesses insomnia , aches and pains , frequent colds , digestive problems , fatigue , headaches , even rashes , loss of appetite or the urge to consume or overeat .

Emotionally , this can lead to feelings of sadness , alienation , anxiety , boredom , as well as the loss of pleasure and activities that would otherwise bring you joy . This inability to say no might also result in you dulling your sense of humor . Ability to say no might also result in you dulling your sense of humor .

Inability to say no impacts your relationships negatively . As Muslim women . We think the more we say yes to people , the more likable we become . The most common impact of constantly saying yes on relationships is resentment towards the people you're saying yes to . So keep that in mind .

Constantly saying yes makes you really good at suppressing your wants that eventually you don't even recognize them anymore . This suppresses the authentic you . This again develops resentment that drives people away , not closer . It leads you to emotional withdrawal from others and , worse yet , withdrawal from yourself .

You avoid you and if you find yourself in these predicaments , ask these questions what are the consequences of my inability to set boundaries for myself ? What am I missing out on life because of my inability to say no ? Give these questions five minutes of your time and the answers will open your eyes .

There is a more involved method of asking these types of questions that requires more dedication and commitment , and this is the method of benevolent curiosity . Time commitment for exercise like this is about 10 minutes a day , but the outcome is profound .

During this process , you actively clean up your judgments about yourself so that it leads to releasing the reluctance towards yourself . Without the reluctance , you get to enjoy yourself . This is the method of writing down your ideas and insights during the process of compassionate inquiry . This is way more effective and engaging than simply observing your ideas mentally .

That's because writing actively engages the mind and leads to a deeper understanding of your thoughts , and one of my favorite parts about this method is that it gives you a written record of your progress . If you apply this method of compassionate inquiry only mentally , a few days into the process your thoughts might be .

This is not a very effective method , but if you've written them down , you can go back and you can see how much of your previous release of negative thought patterns have proven beneficial to you so far .

A quick review of your previous written thoughts will give you an idea that you're making progress in small , incremental steps which you will not be able to observe if you were just doing it as a mental exercise

. I call these mental exercises a thought output . As a mental exercise , I call these mental exercises a thought output .

Many other authors and coaches call it different things , like benevolent curiosity and compassionate inquiry , but the idea behind it is the same and in the beginning you can do this exercise on the questions I asked you , which is what are the consequences of my inability to set boundaries for myself and what am I missing out in life because of my inability to say

no ? There is usually a hidden story behind your inability to say no , and this hidden story has countless justifications for your behavior , countless rationalizations of why you are unable to say no . This creates denial Denial to an extent that you can't say no and don't even see that you can't say no .

All of this habit is fueled by limiting beliefs about yourself . If you don't do the process of benevolent inquiry , you will not become aware that these thoughts are just stories that you're telling yourself . You may think and act as if they are true , but they're just thoughts and they're keeping you from standing up for yourself and advocating for your needs .

And since you can't do that , you're resentful and distant and your mind is in a constant dialogue of self-deprecating thoughts and you lose enjoyment of yourself .

Examine these stories , write for 10 minutes a day and watch what you wrote without judgment , releasing these limiting thoughts one by one and after a few days , you will see that you will start to like yourself better and you will take joy in your authenticity and you will start to embrace yourself A hundred percent of the time .

The limiting belief about yourself is being fed to you by your shadow side , your inner shaitan . Do this thought output , write and monitor , adopt and release , and continue to do this until you see some change . You are not even aware that your attention is going to the waswas of shaitan thoughts fed to us by inner critic .

If you're not aware of their presence , how are you supposed to disqualify them from being true ? Make your limiting beliefs known through non-judgmental inquiry of yourself , and don't think you're the only one suffering from this dilemma of not being able to recognize your thoughts and calling them facts . This is a universal trait .

Worse of all , these limitations are being fed to you by shaitan , who promised that if we listen to his whispers , we will find ourselves ungrateful to Allah . Subhanahu wa ta'ala .

Developing this metacognition through this written exercise the skill of thinking about your thinking , it helps you develop the most effective way to combat these whispers and these factual appearing thoughts . Direct your attention to plucking your limiting beliefs and you will start to love being with you . You deserve that . The world deserves that .

I teach and encourage the most scientific and the most user-friendly approach in the study of the self . In this method , you're trying to increase your attention to yourself , your observational capacity , your consciousness about yourself At many levels . You're already doing this .

You're doing it through this podcast , or you might do it through my EMW program in the future . Whatever way you're doing it , end result is a certain level of self-acceptance that is currently foreign to most of us . Our distance to the true inner self is never as close as we desire and never as far away as we fear .

We are always right where we are supposed to be . If it seems far away , you work towards it . If it seems right there , you marvel in it . There's no need to do this work from the fear of missing out on your life or from the urgency to get rid of the whispers .

This work is done because your end goal is to enjoy being you while knowing that you're exactly where you're supposed to be in this moment . Make your needs known without attachment or expectations of others to fulfill them . Learn to say a strong no so you get closer to your authentic self .

Engage in benevolent curiosity to expose your roadblocks and make abundant dua that you get to see the joy of being you in this lifetime and that you discover your authentic self so that you can then contribute to your truest , most highest value . With that , I pray that Allah save us from the whispers of shaitan that block us from self-compassion .

Help us break through the influences of social forces , oh Allah , especially these social forces that are in the social media , since social media is a great place where everyone is able to hide their shadow side . Oh Allah , help us see the humanity of others through the picture-perfect images , so that we can learn to embrace our own humanity .

Oh Allah , please help us so that we can marvel in the joy of being us . I pray to Allah , subhanahu wa ta'ala , that he corrects our mistakes for us and , if we accidentally fall in the trap of the whispers of shaitan , help us recognize those traps and help us come out of them and help us fulfill our duties as a Muslim woman in this world .

O Allah , elevate the rank of this nation . Oh Allah , help me become the answer to the Muslim woman's dua . I request that all of you please keep me in your duas . I will talk to you guys next time .