Apprehension of Joy

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Nobody ever earned a million dollars while dabbling , while just experimenting . Nobody ever created deep , meaningful relationships through skepticism . Nobody ever created unshakable faith through cynicism . So if you do join which I highly recommend that you do because we're all having so much fun in there I request that you come with an open mind .

I am not saying don't ask questions . I'm not saying don't even challenge me . I'm saying be open to the answers that you receive . If you don't choose to attend , of course you can stay in doubt , but again , a state of doubt never creates change . Pick a lane Either decide for it or against it .

So in today's podcast we will be talking about a concept that I learned of foreboding joy , and this was from Brene Brown and it was many years ago and I remember the exact time . I was reading about it in a book and she said something like you feel joy , but in the very next second you feel dread because of the fear of losing that joy .

You're imagining what can go wrong in that moment and all the joy evaporates . When I heard this concept many years ago , something shifted in my body . I was so moved with this idea and since then I've totally immersed myself and I'm trying to train my brain not to ruin my moments of joy .

So recently we took a trip to a theme park and I felt very playful , light-hearted and immensely grateful , alhamdulillah . But I couldn't help but shake a feeling of impending doom , like something's about to go wrong .

And the balance between the two joy and the feeling of impending doom is what I want to talk about today , because let's not forget that even when we're feeling all the good vibes , sometimes that pesky little fear of losing it can creep in and it ruins our fun .

I call it joy apprehension , but after this podcast , we don't have to worry about that fear putting us down . Inshallah , I'm creating this episode because many of us are just cautiously enjoying joy rather than enjoying it fully . Okay , so I talk a lot about how Muslim culture is different than the religion of Islam .

Islam is taught by the Quran and the Prophet peace be upon him and the culture is what humans interpret it to be . Those two are not always the same , but through the appropriate approaches , scholarship and refinement of our own hearts , we can get pretty close , or at least that happens to be the work for us .

There is a strong emphasis in our religion on humility , gratitude and submission to God , and rightfully so . Islam is a word for submission , but this submission is misused in a way that indoctrinates women into thinking that experiencing joy or happiness is inappropriate or indulgent .

What's propagated is a belief that humility and a focus on the needs of others should take precedence over your own happiness , leading women to feel guilty or ashamed when experiencing joy .

This can be a misinterpretation of the meaning of submission in Islam , which calls for the submission to the will of God , not for the suppression of your own emotions , especially joy . Ironically , emphasis is only on suppressing happy emotions , not sad emotions .

Suppressing your experience leads to a sense of disconnect between what is being practiced and what is the true spirit of the faith .

If you're feeling guilt or shame when experiencing joy , it's because , as Muslim women , we are taught to prioritize the needs and well-beings of others only , unless the joy is related to the success of children , family , husband or community . We are subliminally told that it is not . For us , this is a completely cultural phenomenon .

Nothing in Islam says you can't create joy for yourself as something that only you enjoy . I believe it is crucial to find satisfaction and equilibrium in your daily life outside of your relationships with other human beings . Contentment and joy are two vital emotions and greatly influence your well-being .

They don't have to only be occurring in relation to your family members . I encourage you to find joy independent of your relationships , and that is not to say you have to give up joys of kinship and other relationships . I just want you to explore and create this emotion just for your own sake , and learn to prioritize that for the time being .

Practices of salah , dhikr and other forms of worship are also forms of mindfulness and mental well-being that are helpful in cultivating joy .

So you really don't have to go far in this quest of creating joy for yourself , but you must learn to care for yourself with the same tenderness and concern you would otherwise show a loved one , just as you would not hesitate to fill a prescription for a sick relative . Don't neglect your own well-being .

Often this self-neglect stems from feelings of self-loathing and a belief that I am not deserving . If prioritizing others over you is commonplace , then not only are you suffering , they are suffering by extension as well . This level of self-work requires a very granular understanding of your emotions .

As we journey through our emotions , it's important to approach them with curiosity and openness and not shy away from the messy and difficult aspects . Being vulnerable and embracing the complexities of being alive is a vital part of inner exploration . This is a part of Tazkiyat-e-Nafs . Understanding and navigating our emotions can be complex and filled with nuance .

It might take practice for you to fully understand when you're actually truly enjoying yourself and when you're blocking it , blocking it from a very undertone of fear of losing it . All of these hints are going to be very subtle . In order to fully understand and appreciate your emotions , you must become comfortable with the paradox and the nuances within them .

Our emotions are closely linked , and they may seem opposite , but are always interconnected . So when you feel joy for yourself , the very next feeling might be how terrible it will feel when you lose that joy . That is only natural . Emotions are created on a spectrum , and the opposite of joy has to be felt at some point for you to know what joy feels like .

Again , just a reminder the world as a whole is a mixture of order and chaos , and it is important to strive for the balance .

This balance can also be seen in the Eastern philosophy through the concept of yin and yang , which illustrates the idea that neither light or dark can exist without the other , and the balance can be achieved by finding the equilibrium between the two .

As a Muslim woman , though , we are taught balance and moderation , which is especially fitting when it comes to emotional experiences .

Attempting to eliminate all negative aspects or chaos from your lives creates an unachievable state of perfection , remembering that there will be times when you won't be able to create harmony , and it's okay to let disappointment and hurt be present , not at the cost of harmony , but as an opposing , paradoxical force .

The light and open or positive emotions cannot be interpreted by the brain if the tight , heavy and closed negative emotions are not experienced as well . I titled this podcast Apprehension of Joy because you are often unable to experience joy fully , even for a moment , until the memory of it being lost steals the experience .

Two very contrasting feelings occurring simultaneously but paradoxically the true beauty of human experience . But we are not helpless bystanders in this , we are creating both of them . It is one thing that we're willingly allowing the paradoxical , apparent opposing emotions to coexist , because without the presence of one we can't experience the other .

Without sadness we can't experience joy . But it is entirely different to dissolve joy because of fear of its loss and refusing to let it in because it feels foreign , strange or unfamiliar . I have come to understand that the coexistence of seemingly opposing emotions is a natural part of human experience .

It is the ebb and flow of life and something that we must learn to accept and navigate . However , it is another thing entirely to allow the fear of loss to cloud our ability to fully embrace and experience joy . As a recovering people pleaser and a perfectionist , I understand the concept of apprehension of joy all too well .

Since life handed me a curriculum , I decided why not learn from it ? And that's exactly what I did . What you will offer to the world tomorrow will be built on what you think is a challenge for you today .

So if fully embracing joy is a challenge for you , if you're constantly in apprehension of joy , overcoming this obstacle is your curriculum , in other words , foreboding . Joy is a feeling of being on a cusp , of experiencing true happiness , only to have it contaminated by the negative thoughts of potential negative outcomes .

When I teach this concept to Muslim women , they tell me I don't want to indulge in joy because it will feel really bad when it goes away . So then your answer is not to enjoy life at all and to fail to experience joy ahead of time .

So you're telling me the answer is turn your back on joy now , so you don't have to feel the withdrawal of it going away . This is just another example of you failing ahead of time . Again , just because paradoxical emotion of joy remain does not mean you cannot embrace joy , and a lot of this is a result of intellectual colonialism .

Long after military and geographical colonialism has been over , our minds still think the non-Muslim or the white person is better suited at experiencing joy and true happiness .

And also when I teach this concept and I'm helping women become comfortable with experiencing their joy , I also say that it is a reminder that , as Muslims , we must always remain humble and grounded in our faith , recognizing that any joy or success we may experience is ultimately a gift from Allah .

But when I teach this , the way it usually gets interpreted is that humble and grounded in faith means not to show excitement , happiness or elation . That is not what it means to be humble and grounded .

And while it is impossible to fully let go of fears and doubts , we only remind ourselves that this is Allah's plan as well when we are feeling fear , doubt , stress or anxiety . But at the same time , I ask you to contemplate this question how do you know that Allah's plan is not for you to feel happiness and joy ?

Why are you taking responsibility of knowing what Allah's plan is not for you to feel happiness and joy ? Why are you taking responsibility of knowing what Allah's plan is for you ? Why aren't we more often reminding ourselves that while I'm experiencing joy , this also is Allah's plan for me ?

Why are we always turning to that narrative when we're experiencing difficult emotions ?

We are told we must trust in His plan , allah , and we have faith , and that ultimately everything happens because allah willed it . And yes , it does . But let me also create a stern reminder here . You have no clue what allah wills for you .

You are creating apprehension of joy out of your own freedom of choice , limiting your joy ahead of time , thinking the culturally acceptable mannerism for a Muslim woman is not to show joy . You are accepting a human-made culture as Allah's will . We put limitations on Allah's will with our interpretations of our circumstances .

We have no idea what Allah's plan is for us . What if , for you , allah's plan is that you're created to enjoy your life , live in blessings , live a happy and fulfilling life in submission and happy ? In the West we're often taught to strive for happiness and to avoid sadness at all cost .

But as Muslims , we understand that both emotions are necessary for growth and understanding . It is important to acknowledge and feel sadness when it arises , but it is equally important to not let it consume you and prevent you from experiencing the beauty of joy . Both are from Allah .

Allowing yourself to fully embrace joy , even in the presence of fear , is a sign of true faith and trust in Allah's plan . It is a recognition that , ultimately , everything is temporary and fleeting .

Using this paradigm , do not brush off joy too quickly and do not undermine its existence , but embrace it , because , given everything is temporary , why eliminate joy before its due time ? I have come to understand that embracing joy and happiness in spite of the ever-present fear of loss is again a skill and a vital part of living a fulfilling life .

When we understand that everything in this world is temporary , it becomes all the more important to cherish and savor the moments of joy that we are given .

So when I'm enjoying my time in the theme park and I'm having a feeling of dread that this can all be over in any minute , or while my brain worries that the world is in chaos , people are fighting for their basic rights and here I am eating a $10 bag of popcorn , riding roller coasters Just through those thoughts , joy dies in that moment .

But I redirect my mind towards the blessing , find deep gratitude and expansive energy in my body that lets me be fully present in the moment , available to receive what Allah SWT allowed me to create through my free will Happiness , joy , gratitude , all from true abundance , and that is the energy I direct to create change in the world .

It is easy to get caught up in the feelings of despair and negativity , but it is also important to remember that these emotions are temporary , they will pass , just as joy will pass . But that is also important to remember , that these emotions are temporary , they will pass , just as joy will pass .

But that doesn't mean you are to brush off joy and undermine its existence . Embrace it fully , with whatever human capacity you have to create it and to cultivate it . Give joy its due diligence and make the most of the precious time we have .

In this way we can find true contentment and fulfillment in our relationships , especially in our relationship with Allah in this temporary world . Again , I hope it goes without saying that I do not say joy as it applies to hedonistic pleasure .

And this type of true , wholesome joy and happiness can come from spending time with friends , picking up a book and a cup of tea . Joy can be from a yacht . Hedonistic pleasure means you're assigning your joy to the object of pleasure rather than the one and true original source .

That is Allah SWT , and that true joy and contentment can only be found in our relationship with Allah SWT alone . Every other object of joy between you and Him SWT even if it is your children , who are pure and innocent any other object can come between your relationship and Allah if you assign it to be the primary source of your joy .

Be open to let joy in and embrace it fully , even if it feels foreign or unfamiliar , but do not make it mean that the ultimate source of the joy is this object of the world . The source of joy is always Allah SWT and , with that line of thinking , truly cherish it without prematurely killing your experience in the name of humility .

As a Western Muslim woman who practices a fierce mental fitness regime , I understand that the source of joy is not the object , but rather that feeling is created by our thoughts . Our thoughts are intermediaries between the divine and our lived experience .

It is through our thoughts that we are able to connect Allah SWT and the experience of joy and contentment , constantly reminding yourself that joy is not something that can be found in external objects or circumstances , but rather it is an internal feeling that is created by your thoughts , and the purest of those thoughts are through your connection with Allah SWT .

You can align your thoughts and emotions with the divine and experience true joy and contentment . We have to stop rehearsing trauma . We tend to believe that by embracing joy we are inviting misfortune . We anticipate and prepare for potential tragedy during the pinnacle moments of our lives , all in the effort to avoid vulnerability .

But this fear of being caught off guard by pain leads us to constantly rehearse tragedy and trauma . This is unnecessary . Practicing gratitude is one of the best ways to lock joy in , to be able to embrace and accept it fully In the moment of joy when the thoughts of fear try to sneak . In practice , gratitude for the joy . It fortifies your faith .

It strengthens joy and grounds it firmly in the mind . Gratitude weighs more than the fear of loss . If you let it All through this podcast , I've been using the word joy , but many other emotions come to mind , like elation , bliss , delight , ecstasy , exhilaration , serenity , euphoria , thrill , adventure .

A simple understanding of a cultural and religious influence can shift the trajectory of how we experience all of these beautiful emotions . Take note of the impact of social expectations and stereotypes on your ability , as a Muslim woman , to fully embrace and experience joy .

I gave you techniques for practicing self-compassion and mindfulness to overcome your apprehension of joy Simple redirection of mind from a thought that is creating the foreboding of joy towards a thought that helps you immerse yourself in the experience , all the while getting closer to Allah SWT . Alhamdulillah for this design .

Personal reflection has great value on the role of faith in overcoming joy apprehension and embracing it with a sense of peace and gratitude is your ultimate goal .

With that , I pray to Allah SWT . O Allah , we seek your guidance and protection in all aspects of our lives . We come to you with our fears and worries , including the fear of losing the joy that we are experiencing . Help us release these negative thoughts and help us trust in your plan for us .

Oh Allah , I ask that you protect us from our minds that create limitations of your plans . Give us the strength to fully embrace and enjoy the blessings you have given us , without any fear or hesitation of accepting your gifts . Ameen , ya Rabbul Ameen , please keep me in your draz . I will talk to you guys next time .