Accountability, where does it start?

I recently held a live workshop about mental health and I'm really excited about this topic because this is something I'm very passionate about . I teach a non-pathology based model of mental health , where being mentally healthy doesn't just mean lack of mental illness . I define mental health as humans' capacity to choose their thoughts consciously and deliberately .

It also means that human beings can choose negative emotions like grief , anger or sadness if the situation calls for it . So at the workshop , this was the main message and during the Q&A , one of the audience members asked me how do we know what thoughts to cultivate that are good and what thoughts are bad and should be shunned ?

This was a fascinating question to me because on the surface , the answer seems so obvious what thoughts should be cultivated and what thoughts should be shunned . It seems obvious , but it is not simple .

I was also curious about my own response to the question afterwards , because I don't think I was able to articulate everything I wanted to say in that short period of time . So today I'm going to dedicate this podcast to answering the question how to identify thoughts that should be cultivated versus the ones that should be shunned .

So now , here at Islamic Life Course School , I take credit for teaching that life choices really boil down to choosing between higher and lower brain thoughts .

Passing thoughts are described as khawater in our religion , and the way our scholars have elaborated on it is that , as humans , a sequence of events that our minds go through before we create an action goes something like this Number one khawater passing thoughts . Number two , fikra subtle thoughts or ideology . Number three niya intention . Number four himma determination .

Number five aamal , or deed or actions . Number six arda habit or repetition . So some of these passing thoughts are obviously good vs bad , like stay away from drugs , alcohol , sins of lust , gambling , some of them not so obvious .

And the reason why it is so important to recognize the subtle passing thoughts that are bad is because we will be held accountable for actions we take based on these thoughts . Abu Hurairah reports Messenger of Allah said Allah has forgiven my nation for the thoughts that come to their minds , unless they act upon them or utter them .

Uttering or saying an evil thought to someone is an action that we will be held responsible for . So if you're creating actions or even saying things based on primal brain thoughts , that is an action we will be held responsible for . May Allah SWT protect us .

So then the question becomes does it have to be a conversation that we have with someone else out loud only that is included in this accountability or does it include the conversation we have with ourselves internally ? This internal conversation is what I call taking brain action , taking action in the brain by thoughts .

Are we accountable for this brain action , this thoughts on repeat , constant rumination ? Imam al-Nawawi , a 13th century jurist and scholar , goes deep into this matter and describes that su'awzan it's an Arabic word literally translated as mistrust has a meaning of backbiting of the heart , which is just as sinful as saying your thoughts out loud .

So Sheikh Omar Suleiman interprets it as because , just like it is sinful for you to have that conversation with someone else , it becomes sinful for you to have that conversation with yourself constantly . Let me explain to you what happened here , guys .

Omar Suleiman is describing a process we face every day as we are engaging in mental dialogue for entertaining , self-reproach , self-pity and despair . We will be held responsible for the constant mental chatter we create for ourselves . Contemplation of whispers of shaitan that seem as benign .

As I'm not good at math , I'm not a good parent , I can't get a promotion why does it always happen to me like this ? Constant engagement of thoughts like this is a mental chatter we create for ourselves and we will be held responsible for that . This is thought drama . Humans are going to be held responsible for their actions , not for their thoughts .

We are creating action of mental dialogue . This mental dialogue is being considered an action that we will be held accountable for . These are utterances you are repeating to yourself . It is not visible or observable action . It is still action . So it becomes extremely important to recognize the subtle primal brain thoughts that Shaitan whispers .

I've taught you guys that these thoughts always present themselves from the first person perspective . I am not good with directions . I look fat in pictures . I am being unfair to my kids by having a job . Also , thoughts like becoming an engineer or a doctor is too much work for me . Money is evil . Corporate America is evil .

All these thoughts are negative , once identified as negative , but not so easy to identify because they look like facts . What about thoughts that seem positive ? Like I deserve the best treatment . People should respect me , there should be no Islamophobia . These types of thoughts seem positive , but actually primal brain origin , because of the results they create .

Let me explain . I deserve better treatment If this type of a thought process leads to an elitist type of behavior . You consider yourself better than others . This results in arrogance , therefore a negative outcome , proving the thought to be of primal brain origin .

Or if you're thinking people should respect me , this puts responsibility on other people , regardless of what actions you're taking , giving you a sense of entitlement and that you don't have any accountability . No-transcript or thoughts like there should be no Islamophobia yeah , in an ideal world there shouldn't be , but this is not an ideal world .

You thinking there should be no Islamophobia puts you in a fight with reality . Byron Katie says when you fight reality , you lose 100% of the time . Ideally , everyone should respect others and there should be no type of Islamophobia .

Ideally , everyone should respect others and there should be no type of Islamophobia racism , ageism , sexism but all of those are still realities . So your seemingly positive thought of not allowing any of them puts you outside of the scope of your influence , creating results of frustration , anger , hatred and , overall , a miserable life .

And a lot of us will say that , oh , I'm not bothered by this at all , it doesn't bother me one bit what others do .

But what I'm going to offer you is that if you stop resisting what you're feeling and take one close , honest look at your life , you will find that you're in constant conflict with yourself because of thoughts like these , because they are overall creating a net negative result in your life .

So far , I've taken some time to identify what are some thoughts that should be shunned . We went from most obvious negative thoughts , like following of carnal desires just for pure pleasure purposes , to more subtle thoughts , some things that seem benign to us and we keep repeating to ourselves , to even positive appearing thoughts that should be controlled .

So now let's see why exactly it becomes our responsibility that we control and shun these thoughts when we can . When Sheikh Omar Suleiman describes Imam al-Nabawi's Suh Afzal as backbiting of the heart , when we believe these shaitan's whispers that he presents to us constantly , when we entertain them in our heads , we create results in our lives that are destructive .

I'm not good with directions . Graduate degree is hard to get . There aren't good enough men out there for me to marry . When you are constantly engaging these thoughts , they will eventually become believable facts to you . What our scholars are saying here is that action line starts at the engagement of these thoughts .

And remember accountability starts with actions , because the more you engage these sentences , the more factual they become in your head when they are actually not the ultimate reality .

This sets you up for failure before you have even taken any actual action and , as we have seen by the results I've described to you , no good result comes out of engaging these thoughts , that conversation that you're having in your head , even if no other soul gets affected by it .

You are creating results in your own life that are not in your favor , spending precious brain energy that you could otherwise be spending in creating a fulfilling life or in the remembrance of Allah . These are the utterances that you keep generating and regenerating . The original thought when it occurred to you might not be in your control .

You are not accountable for that , but you are responsible for not actively looking to disprove that thought , because shaitan is really good at his job . He will whisper the same thing a thousand times . It is our responsibility to shun it a thousand and one times . It is actually not as daunting of a task as it might seem .

Allah SWT created humans and has an intimate and infinite knowledge of his creation . He knows how powerful he has created humankind to be . He gave us a powerful mind . He puts accountability right at the junction of choosing the right thought to entertain . Puts accountability right at the junction of choosing the right thought to entertain .

That is because he has granted us consciousness , the higher brain , and with practice we can make it stronger , just so as soon as shaitan whispers something that is not in our favor , we can disregard it as soon as it comes to us . With practice , this skill too , can become subconscious and automatic .

Now imagine how much time you currently spend fighting reality . How much time you spend in self-loathing , self-reproach , self-doubt as a professional Muslim woman , how much time do you spend comparing yourself to others and using that as evidence against you ? How much time do you spend comparing yourself to others and using that as evidence against you ?

How much time do you spend second guessing your decisions ?

How much time do you spend in shaming yourself for not saying the right words or thinking of the right things to say at the right time , not handling this situation as well as you think you should have , not delivering the perfect results for not always looking completely composed and beautiful , for not having the perfect parents , for not having the right partner ,

for not having the perfect children ? How much time do you spend ruminating on the past , which is gone and is reality ? Now imagine for one second that you are accountable for entertaining these thoughts . You are accountable for brain drama you are creating . The questioning might be that we had the choice of making our higher brain stronger .

We had the choice of listening to our true desires , the choice of following our honest intentions . Instead , what we did was to remain in shame , fear of failure and thought drama . This is not an ummah that Islam intends . We are contributing to the passivity of the Muslim nation as a whole by not questioning the reality that our brain creates .

As individuals , we are going to be asked why we kept believing what our primal brain , or our naps , was generating and why we didn't stop to question it . This sense chills down my spine . I am urging you to do this thought work . Stop and ask what you are thinking . Is it a fact or not ?

Choosing thoughts to entertain is an active process . That is why it becomes so vitally important to develop this skill . Now , since I've effectively scared the living daylights out of you , let me explain how to actually fix this problem .

The question that we started with at the beginning of the podcast was how do we identify thoughts that should be shunned , and the answer is CTFAR . Are you surprised at the answer ? I hope not . If you've been listening long enough , you know that's the answer .

Sometimes you've been entertaining the thought for so long that you find yourself at the result line something that you've created and something that you don't like . You can identify a bad or negative thought based on the result you create from it .

Or sometimes you can identify a thought as negative just as it enters your head , but most of the time this process is much more subtle . Do your thought output , write down everything that comes to your head every day for 10 minutes and , from that write-up , separate your thoughts from facts from a place of curiosity .

This method is extremely effective for thoughts that are more subtle and sometimes even seem positive . But , as I described in the example so far , if these thoughts are creating a negative result in your life , then it is something that should not be entertained and our efforts should be to shun them as soon as we identify them .

So what should we do once we do identify them ? Sometimes we can come up with replacement thoughts . I was told by our local scholar and mufti the best antidote for suh avvan is husnul san , which translates as good thoughts . I was told by our local scholar and mufti the best antidote for suh avvan is husnul sun , which translates as good thoughts .

So if you identify a bad thought , replace it with a good one . That's profound in itself because we all know the power of positive affirmations . You wake up , you say something positive . You go to sleep , you say something positive . You look in the mirror you say something positive . You make the offer something positive .

You be thankful for everything positive in your life . When you do that long enough , the brain will eventually start to believe everything positive . But what about times when we think that our negative thoughts are facts ? That's when working with a coach becomes very useful . A coach can help you identify if you're creating these issues .

So sometimes we can come up with a replacement positive thought . But other times we don't know what else to think . Sometimes we've seen the glass half empty for so long . Just repeating to yourself that glass is half full is not going to cut it . Repeating to yourself that glass is half full is not going to cut it . It's just not believable to you .

At that point you have to start questioning why are you seeing the glass half empty ? And that becomes your work . Figure out the cause behind these negative thoughts . That is your journey towards self-growth and actualization . And we can have that conversation in a private , free coaching session to sort all of this out .

If you can't identify problem thoughts you're having , then try curiosity . These sentences will open up your mind to curiosity to see what comes up . I am fascinated by Allah's design the . Everything that is outside of my control is from Allah . I am curious about me . I deserve curiosity . Oh , that's such a good one .

Sometimes it's hard to go from extremely negative to extremely positive thoughts . So make these curious thoughts your best friend . It gives your brain room to break old , hardened pathways and opens it up to new possibilities , just by being curious . These are called bridge thoughts .

Sometimes you have to think these as stepping stones for going from point A to point B . So practice curiosity abundantly like a lot . Be curious about what you're thinking . Ask questions , other thoughts to find as replacements might be . Allah is forgiving .

Well , that actually might be a circumstance , but it always helps to remember that often I give myself permission to grow . That's a good one . This thought might help you if you identify that you've been operating from negative self-limiting beliefs for a long time .

Give yourself permission to grow , because you learned something new about yourself and you are growing out of it . What about ? I am worth the effort required to learn this skill . That's such a good one . Again , give yourself permission to learn something new .

Inshallah , I was able to answer the question to best of my ability and I was able to do justice to the topic of accountability where it actually starts . This has been a long debated topic among scholars and this was my small effort to making it simpler for my listeners .

There's so much more that can be said , so I want to end by saying that accountability starts as soon as you start to recycle the self-limiting belief in your head . So be very mindful about what you are thinking and be curious enough so you don't end up repeating the wrong sentences . Other than that , allah knows best .

May Allah forgive me for any mistakes I'm making in this journey . May Allah forgive us all for making mistakes while we are on this journey of self-development . May Allah grant us clarity to identify thoughts that should be shunned .

May he grant us access to our wisdom , our hikmah that he has placed within us , so we can do our part and serve our purpose to the best of our capacity . Please keep me in your prayers and don't forget to leave a review for this podcast so others can discover this message . I will talk to you guys next time .