TALKBACK TINGZ: John Laws VS. The deaf old lady 📻

I thought the radio talkback tings is where we play some really weird shit that happens on talkback radio, because I think it's safe to assume that our listeners don't really tune in themselves. No, but it's okay. Any good shit that happens will bring it to you here.

You actually source most of the content because actually no, I saw us from midnight onwards. But it's the trenches of AM radio. They're billy breathing that past twelve at night.

My god.

Yes, I think I've found most of them so far, but like I said, I've never had to look any further than two SM that one particular station in Sydney where oh the most random and weird shit happens. And we've done John Laws before here on the show, he's back again. I've got one from the archives today. It's an oldly bit of goodie that my dad was telling me about. So you know how most talkback listeners are

Standard?

So it was an AD for a nursery, Pikes nursery. So firstly, how would you spell Pikes p y k es correct? So he had a bit of trouble passing that message on to her, but he did not give up. So strap yourself in. This goes on for a while. He was determined to get it to her, and as you know John Law's very little patience. Yes, but he persisted.

Here it is, I'll tell you what to do ring Pikes nurseries? What nursery Pikes Pike yes, p y k e s I What am I known to deserve this? Would you spell that again for me?

Hey? I?

Ah?

In did you cry? No?

Man? No? I said, p Why? Oh why esp? Why is in Yankee? K is in Kilo? He is in Echoes? Is in stupid Pikes p y k e s Pike's nurseries, py y?

I pray?

But will we try it again? Ma'am? Okay, you ready? Now? You got your pencil? Handy? Okay?

P No P.

As in piddle? Why? Hey? I got from p P? You got the P there? That's right? And why why as in Yankee? That's right. Okay, then you have a K K as in kill K P y A.

OK.

Don't get excited, ma'am. Can I ask you a leading question? Do you have trouble hearing? I have? Yes? All right, man, Well we'll try it again. P why why K K K yes K is in kill? Yes? Ees? God? You got that? Would you spell? Would you spell it back to me? Now? K?

Why? I?

Oh, no, it's not right. Oh it's not right. P y K E S P I y E? Where do you do A from? I haven't said A anywhere? P you got the pre right? Why? I? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Is in yankee?

Why?

K O?

God save me? How can A K and an E sounded like? Yes? I will? I will. I throw myself right down the microphone choke you to death in a minute. That's what I'm going to do. Hey, y e, did you say no?

No?

I didn't know. I don't think we're ever going to make it, ma'am. Are we I don't think that. I don't think that I'm ever going to be able to give you this telephone number. I mean, this is just the name. Imagine that when I start to get to the telephone number and it's a nursery, is it? Yes? It is? Strangely enough, give me the number of it. Oh God, can I a telephone? That's all right?

Here?

Are you ready? I'll take the risk. Are you ready? Okay? Do you have your pen at the ready? Okay?

Six?

Six good? That's very good? Free three Jesus, I don't know but that I don't have a captiti silverbiz in my ear. Okay, Well, I'll say it very quietly. Can you hear me? Six three three very good? Six three nine nine and another nine eight eight very good? Five five one one, Yes, that's it? Yes, would you read it back to me? Six none nine five on the legend eight five one you've got it, You've got it. I so just dial the telephone number, and God help Bruce pick.

Oh my god, they got there and the end in and they that is the best yet and that would only happen on talkback. Oh for kill I open. Halfway through he realized this is goal.

I'm where was she getting the A from?

And then seeing the fokay, wow, could they be in a number.

I've never heard him get that animated before I know.

We'll see this was many years ago, right, right, Okay, So I understand now why they call him the man with the Golden tonsils, because that was quite a booming.

Rich voice that was beautiful.

These days, he doesn't really sound like that anymore. So. I the reason I've had to dig into the archives as well is because his podcast doesn't get updated anymore. There hasn't been a new episode. I know. Well, that's how I usually find shit of his to play on talkback teams, because I'm at work when he's on air. Ah, that's why most of the stuff comes from the night show. And now that John Lawd's podcast has disappeared, I can't find the audio, but also the most recent episode, which

Okay, I'll tell you what to do, Ring Pike's nurseries.

Booming, dice and particulate.

This is him in the most recent podcast upload.

In the past couple of hours. The World Health Organization has described the coronavirus as the defining health crisis of our generation.

What they are at, well do you oh?

What they are advocating is reggata testing for the virus's pressure mounts for personal restrictions to on visits to pubs and movie houses and age care homes many ANZAC Day commemorations across.

You can tell that it's turning his mic off to A but it's still there irony, of course, being that he's talking about coronavirusy.

She sounds like he's on a death a ventilator. I know, I know he is up in his eighties, right.

Oh yeah, but good on him for still being on error. Given to go, but just like, how the fuck am I supposed to find audio to play on our podcast and he's stopped uploading episodes of your podcast? It was seventeenth of March, was the last up? That's the last podcast episode?

Poor Avid listeners who can't you know, be up at the Cracker daor on. They might have medical appointments to see to listen to their favorite shock.

I know. Maybe they just assumed that his listeners don't listen to podcasts, but they're wrong. Here I am here, I am refreshing it going.

Come on, mate, what should we call them?

Well?

Great minds think alike? Yeah, that's actually what I was going to get you to do.

Oh, let's do it.

Let's call like reception and yeah.

This is exactly what I was going to get you. Okay, I want you to be an old man.

No, I want to be a woman.

I don't want to be a man.

Too close to.

Reality either works. Just be someone who would listen to John Law's call two sm reception and be like, where the fuck's the podcast? Yeah it's been months, I'm worried. Is John's still on air?

Like?

Where? Easy?

I got the number? All right, I'm gonna call. I'm gonna be Dot. Oh Wiggins, Okay, I've got the number. Are we ready?

Yeah? I've never seen you? So are you going to do a prank call?

I thought my alter ego is a ninety seven year old woman named Dot. All right, let's ring, okay? M hmm yeah, m hmm. Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hi, Hello, my name is Dot. Is this reception desk? Reception?

Hi? Yep?

Query?

Listen? What did you say?

Your name was Ben? Ben? From two of them?

Ben?

I my name is Dot.

How are you Ben?

I'm good things?

So are you been better? I've been better?

I have a query.

I listened to the John Laws Morning show program every day. Religious. I mean I'm not a religious person, but I listen every day, and for love of God, I can't listen anymore. You've seen in the morning stud too. I have to get my knee lanced. I've got passing my knee. It's a whole thing. But I can't seem to listen live, so I have to listen via podcasts. However, there hasn't been a podcast updated then since March. Middle of March.

Middle of March.

Really the John Laws program, And gosh, I haven't heard his voice in months.

Really okay?

And my God's son Bailey taught me how to podcasts and I go on every morning without It takes me twenty minutes to get on and I click it open. At March sevente I've written it down in my like bad March seventeen. Here's the last podcasts from John Laws.

Okay, March right now, I'll check the website right now? Is here?

Is everything okay with John?

Yes, everything's okay with John. He was sick today so he didn't get on today. Oh no, let me check. His last show was yesterday.

Tell him tell him dot from Wanga Barradine censor. He'll know me. We had a briefly in vague night but tell him, I said, I am my regards. So the podcast just don't they don't get put on, they don't get thumb drived in. They're not on anymore.

They are in. They're on the website.

Oh no, Apple, not the website Apple Ben Apple.

Okay, it's it is lavender in color and the applic application has a little boy with two rings around their head.

Okay you might. Oh, I'm not sure if that's the right one. You might have to download an app called tune in, turn in t u n euni base.

I'm getting a pan hold.

On ben yep. So it should be on the app store who it's called tune in, or if you're finding difficulties, you can go on the website.

No, no, I don't want to go on the website.

I don't.

I'm with do dough at My internet is dreadful. Then I oh, okay, yes, the Apple podcast app you see comes on my phone. It's already there.

Okay, oh okay, it shouldn't be on our side. I think Apple hasn't updated the thing. But I'll pass it onto management to see if worse. They're on Apple. But but it should be on an app called tune in if you download that app so you can listen to other radio stations as well. So that's b U n E no no no tune in t U n E tune So t w n e l n no no tune t U n e.

I N like Looney tune. T O O N.

No no no t t U m e n E no tune like tuning the radio tune in t U n e E space n I M.

You should be under United Nations. For I am I Oh, I am.

I am okay, I got to pick up all the indigo.

Hold on, wait Jamie, Jamie, I've indigo and then N for Nelly. Yes, yeah, all right, so spell it with me one more time.

Ready, t U n E O N I am no, I.

Am listen, I've got God, I'll get my grands don together. You send Jonathan. Have I said this? We meet your name had right way back when we both live in more and Mardeen.

So can you repeat that again?

Well, we lived in one but aaradeine. We both had a little I don't want to get too much and I'm going to start blastic. This is why I need to talk to him and listen to the podcasts I will make it happen. It's okay, listen, thank you for everything. You're a very young boy. Do you have a girlfriend, Ben?

So, my name is Ben.

Do you have a girlfriend.

I know, I don't know my.

Grandson. He's not straight, but I don't know what you are. But I could maybe I could talk to him and see if maybe you could just be friends. He loves love to get into broadcasting. He's an artist, so he doesn't make any money. But I could talk to him and maybe get that to happen.

Are no, I'm good? Thank you all.

Right, Ben, thank you so much.

Have a nice day. Who bye, who bye?

Thank you? Oh my god, but Jesus like that all day every day.

I so calm, cool and collected. Oh god, he did that really well. So I went in and out of a very deep British excent.

I didn't even yeah, I did. I notice the accent was fluctuating. I never even considered this as an option. God, I wish we didn't have fucking jobs during John Laws's show. How good would it be if we could get through and you relived.

Oh my god, like you did.

Pike's Nursery two point zero, like you got him to spell you something that's brilliant. You might not have as much patience these I don't think he would.

He would that quick to realize that there's gold in this material. He is such a beautiful boy. Jesus Christ. Wow, I love that. I'm going to take Dot on a tour around the country.

You should, Jesus, You're right, Alien. The old woman came a lot more naturally to you than the old man character. Yeah, the old man have sounded.

Like Hello, just crue it's always right British.

No, I preferred Dot.

It must be easier to do, guys. Wow, get tune in to Mike.

That was Also they're really really dumb for not having their podcast on Apple, and rather than saying, oh yeah, we'll fix that, they go no, no, go to our website or tune in instead, Like, there's no way that's a good like if not that this would be high on twosm's priority list, but that's a very bad podcast strategy.

Yeah, no, I don't think that's exactly top of the listener.

I think like eighty nine percent of our listeners are on Apple, by the way. Really yeah, so like like Apple is still the number one app that most people use for podcasts and so the fact that they're not on there is really fucking stuff.

So he didn't get an answer, like he didn't really know what was happening.

Yeah, I don't think he knew it. Get tune ink. You can follow the show online.

Just search a couple of miches.

If you don't, you're a dickhead.