BONUS: Best Bits of Season 2

Is it just me a podcast by a couple of midges.

Well, well, well you thought you'd seen the last of us.

Hello, guys, we're back in for another Best Bits episode.

Yeah, Hi, Jenne's here as well. Hi not in coffin, don't worry.

Our third wheel groundskeeper Jenna joins us every week on the show. When Jenna can, I tell you? We put a pole in our Facebook group and during idiots asking what were the best bits from season two and coming in at number one was just Jenna being slaves in general, and then coming in at number two was mispronunciation.

Mispronunciation.

So this first best bit we're gonna bring you from season two kills two birds with one stone, because this was Jenna's mispronunciation. Yes, take a listen to the moment we found out that Jenna can't say the word bald properly disgusting.

I picture one of them to have like long hair and can't speak, and the other one to be bald, bold.

Bold, not bald bold bold, And she said it not once but twice.

And then Jenna, the other one, the deep voice at the very end.

I think he's a bold guy. What now bold, Jenna? What the fuck are you thinking held bold. When someone has no hair, they are bold bold.

Jesus Christianna.

Rands.

It's like saying, oh, I have played bowling on the weekend and night.

Can I tell you it was a very special day. When my niece was a few months old. I was there to witness the first time she crawled. I can't say boldly.

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hello, I'll be home in about an hour. You can do then over. Sorry, it's just Samsung. I'm getting a new washing machine in Stole. I told them where that would go. I told them, Sorry, I rudely interrupted. I had to take it.

What is the name of that guy? Oh, he's in the Beatles. Last name McCartney. First name was pol.

Yes, that's him, Paul McCartney. I had a lot of his merch growing up. They had to give it back because it all got recold. It's taken away like it's a choking hazard. You don't take it.

Take it.

Oh.

One of mine and Jennet's favorite TV shows What is the Cloud's Daughters? And I'll never forget the day Claire McLeod died.

I bowled my as you should, rightly so rightly so Yeah, because your mum got rid of savage dog. Right, No, she didn't get rid of say dog, because you've got tiger. And what happened to Jack's She got ready of Jacks because I don't know if you heard, but he molded her cousin, he molder.

Did you get a put down? Remember when you were away on the podcast and Abby Chatfield filled.

In, Yes, loved her. She's very funny and.

There were so many f bombs. Their listeners complained they were absolutely a pole.

They were Yeah, the adult language, that were sharks. Well you were. You're talking on a couple of weeks ago about your property that you have up in Burgun Gay. You're describing it just how it sprawled the country. But maybe I'm I'm digressing. I'm so sorry to.

God, I can't even tell you. I was so humiliated. The other day I held up traffic. I was in the middle of a busy freeway driving a manual like I released the clutch too quickly and the engine start.

Dangerous.

I know bold, Okay, No, can I just test something?

Okay?

So when somebody is you know, a bold person as in like bold personality, right, and then a bold head.

Yeah, you can have a bold personality and type with a bold italic fond But you have a bald head. I know differently, I.

Know that, but they're pronounced similar.

They're not for me. There, bold bald and see this.

Is like bowl Like you have a bowl of cereal and you roll the ball.

It's like the difference between I'm in it for the long haul and I'm in it for the long hole.

Yes, I know, but you know, during the plague, it's just difficult pronunciation.

It's not a joke.

During the bubonic plague.

What are you doing?

That's what you said? Closing the show? Oh my god, we have another segment.

Yeah, sorry.

Here, I am so cold co host.

Yeah, say it again, Jenna. Have you learnt it? Have you gone home and perfected it?

I've tried so hard.

Oh you know you know that the famous actor the Rock what's his hair situation? He is bold? She know the world done? Jenna?

Yay, alright, This next bitchy. It's from episode thirty nine when Nat Penfold was guest hosting Oh Love Nat. Yeah, and I had been watching the Masked Singer, and I noticed that Danny Minogue when she was like pity laughing at a joke that she didn't really find funny. Her pity laugh wasn't very convincing. Right here, it is.

One of her songs is called Cemetery. Yeah, that would sort of sum up marriage, wouldn't that.

Share a stroke fell out of her arms.

Yeah, isolated, it can just a laugh, yeah, okay, has slow mode like that was so unconvincing. And I'm just saying, you always get up me for not laughing at your dope. I did because I'm just not capable of a pity laugh. You know, when I laugh, I mean it, But I can't just be like and expect people to believe it.

Give us your best, gives your best pity, give us a punchline. Yeah, okay. And then I said, my balls were wet for a month. Oh no, you can't do it.

That wasn't that bad.

I expected worse, really compared to.

Yours.

Punch okay, and then Nat said that, you know she yeah it was great.

Oh my god, that sounds exactly like jennyis not.

Break out the hysterics, your fake class. Ready, I'm gonna be the worst.

Do you need a punchline?

I need a punchline? Oh, for God's sake, my buddy, Louis c K. And then I said, that's not spinach, that's a cat.

You're actually laughing at you.

That was actually funny.

What would to give me a worse one?

Okay?

Yeah?

And then that's my mom did say to me, you know, pick your nose, pick your toes. Now you can't do it.

I feel like you would nail the fake lass.

Give me something that's not funny. Actually say something horrific, okay, and I'll pretend it's world class stand up.

Common Why did the chicken cross the raid? It didn't.

I'm never gonna believe you ever again.

Exactly how you laugh, I go immediately bright red as well? Is it bright red? And it was when it went back? Blood pressure? It's really up there. Upon second listen, it's worse. It sounds like she's choking on a grape.

I feel the Channel ten editor hates Danny and they were like, that was a shocking laugh and I'm going to put it in. I'm going to give it a whole second of screen time.

Yeah.

Or as a gay man that went to the Denny miannogg meet and greet once and she was mean to him. So she's just like forever ruining her public image. That was a good episode thirty nine. The next Ones went forty.

Five, Episode forty five talk bag things we know my listeners love talk.

Yeah.

This is often hailed as our favorite segment of all time, and this particular one was when John Laws was having to deal with a deaf old lady on the phone. Oh this is so good, you actually said in that episode. That was our best ever. Yeah, so no surprise that it made the best bits of season two.

All right, let's roll it.

Talk Back Tings is where we play some really weird shit that happens on talkback radio, because I think it's safe to assume that our listeners don't really tune in themselves. No, but it's okay. Any good shit that happens will bring it to you here.

You actually source most of the content because actually no, I saw us from midnight onwards. But there it's the trenches of AM radio. They're barely breathing that past twelve at night.

My god, Yes, I think I've found most of them so far, but like I said, I've never had to look any further than two SM that one particular station in Sydney where oh, the most random and weird shit happens. And we've done John Laws before here on the show. He's back again. I've got one from the archives today. It's an oldly bit of goodie that my dad was telling me about. So you know how most talkback listeners are ancient and maybe they don't have Google. So this

Standard?

So it was an ad for a nursery, Pike's nursery. So firstly, how would you spell Pikes.

P ykes correct?

So he had a bit of trouble passing that message on to her, but he did not give up, So strap yourself in. This goes on for a while. He was determined to get it to her and as you know, John Law's very little patience, Yes, but he persisted.

Here it is, I'll tell you what to do ring Pikes Nurseries. What nursery Pikes Pike yes, p y k e s I what about under deserved?

This?

Would you spell that again for me?

Hey?

I A.

Did you cry?

No, ma'am, I said no, I said, P why why P S P? Why is in Yankee? K is in kilo? He is in echo? S is in stupid pikes? P y k E s Pike's nurseries py y I? But will we try it again? Ma'am? Okay, you ready?

Now?

You got your pencil handy? Okay?

P no P.

As in piddle?

Why he I from P? P.

You've got the P there, that's right? And why why as in Yankee? That's right? Okay? Then you have a K I K is in kill?

K is it?

Pay?

Why A? Ok don't get excited, ma'am. Can I ask you a leading question? Do you have trouble hearing? I have? Yes? All right, ma'am. Well we'll try it again.

P why why K K okay again, yes.

K is in kill? Yes? Yes, God, you got there? Would you spell? Would you spell it back to me?

Now? Pay?

Why? I?

Oh? No, it's not right, Oh it's not right?

Pee?

Why k E? S hey? I y E? Where do you go A from? I haven't said A anywhere? P You got the P? Right?

Why?

Hey? I? Why?

Why?

Why? Why? Why is in yankee?

Pay?

Why it is? K? Oh? God save me how can a K and an e sounded like yes, I will, I will. I throw myself right down the microphone choke you to death in a minute. That's what I'm going to do.

Hey, why.

Did you say no? No, I didn't know. I don't think we're ever going to make it, ma'am. Are we I don't think that. I don't think that I'm ever going to be able to give you this telephone number. I mean, this is just the name. Imagine it when I start to get to the telephone number and it's a nursery, is it? Yes? It is strangely enough, give me the number of it? Oh God, can I a telephone? That's all right? Here? You are you ready? I'll take the risk. Are you ready? Okay? Do you have your

Six?

Six good, that's very good. Three three Jesus.

I don't know but that I'll just catch it in silvabize in my ear.

Okay, Well, i'll say it very quietly. Can you hear me?

Six?

Three very good? Six three nine, nine and another nine eight eight very good? Five five one one? Yes, that's it?

Yes?

Would you read it back to me? None? None?

The legends A five one.

You've got it, You've got it. I so just die of a telephone number and God helped Bruce pick.

Oh my god, they got there and the end, didn't they That is the best yet And that would only happen on talkback. Oh hey for kill I reckon. Halfway through he realized this is gold.

Where was she getting the aprolm? I'm never saying the four?

Kay?

How could they be eating a number? I've heard him get that animated before.

I know. We'll see this was many years ago, right right? Okay, So I understand now why they call him the Man with the Golden tonsils, because that was quite a booming, rich boy.

That was beautiful.

These days, he doesn't really sound like that anymore.

So.

The reason I've had to dig into the archives as well is because his podcast doesn't get updated anymore. There hasn't been a new episode. I know. Well, that's how I usually find shit of his to play on talkback teams, because I'm at work when he's on air. Ah, that's why most of the stuff comes from the night show. And now that John Law's podcast has disappeared, I can't find the audio. But also the most recent episode, which was mid March. He really doesn't sound well really, so

Okay, I'll tell you what to do, Ring Pike's nurseries, booming.

Dice and particulate.

This is him in the most recent podcast upload in the past.

Couple of hours. The World Health Organization has described the coronavirus as the defining health crisis of our generation. What day are at? Well?

Do you?

Oh?

What day are advocating? Is Reggata testing for the virus's pressure mounts for personal restrictions on visits to pubs and move houses and h homes many ANZAC Day commemorations.

You can tell the turning his mic off to but it's still there irony, of course, being that he's talking about coronavirus.

Yeah, she sounds like he's on a death a ventilator. I know, I know he is up in his eighties, right.

Oh yeah, but good on him for still being on air, right even to go, But just like, how the fuck am I supposed to find audio to play on our podcast? That he's stopped uploading episodes of your podcast? It was seventeenth of March, was the last up? That's the last podcast episode.

Poor avid listeners who can't, you know, be up at the cracker dawn. They might have medical appointments to see to listen to their favorite shock.

I know.

Maybe they just assumed that his listeners don't listen to podcasts, but they're wrong. Here I am, and here I am refreshing it and come on, mate.

What should we call them?

Well?

Great minds thinkinglike, yeah, that's actually what I was going to get you to do.

Oh, let's do it.

Let's call like reception and yeah, this is exactly what I was going to get you to Okay, I want you to be an old man.

Yeah, no, I don't want to be a woman. I want to be a woman. I don't want to be a man. Too close to.

Reality either works, Just be someone who was the sender. John Laws, call two SM Reception, get the number, and be like, where the fun is the podcast? Yeah it's been months. I'm worried. Is John still on air?

Like?

Where is he?

I got the number? All right, I'm gonna call. I'm gonna be dot Wiggins. Okay, I've got the number. Are we ready?

Yep? I've never seen you so eager to do a prank call. I thought.

My alter ego is a ninety seven year old woman named Dot. All right, let's ring, okay, m hmm YEA hello, Hello, Hello, Hi, Hello, My name is Dot. Is this reception front desk? Reception?

Hi?

Yep?

A query and listen? What did you say?

You name was Ben? Ben from Twit Ben.

I my name's Dot. How are you Ben? Are you been better? I've been better? I have a query. I listen to the John Laws Morning show program every day. Religious. I mean, I'm not a religious person, but I listen every day, and for love of God, I can't listen anymore. You've seen in the morning stud too. I have to get my knee lanced. I've got passing my knee. It's a whole thing. But I can't seem to listen live, so I have to listen via podcasts. However, there hasn't

Middle of March. Really the John.

Laws program, and god, I haven't heard his voice in months?

Really okay?

And my godson Bailey taught me how to podcast, and I go on every morning without it takes me twenty minutes to get on and I click it open and March sevent I've written it down in my like that March seventeen anymore, he's the last podcasts from John Laws.

Okay, March right now, I'll check the website right now?

Is here?

Is there anything okay with John?

Yes, everything's okay with John. He was sick today so he didn't get on today. Oh no, let me check his last show was yesterday and tell him.

Tell him dot from Wanga Barradine censor. He'll know me. We had a briefly in Vagonet nineteen. But tell him what I said. I am my regards. So the podcast just don't They don't get put on, they don't get thumb drived in. They're not on anymore.

They are in. They're on the website.

Oh no, Apple, not the website Apple, Ben Oh Apple, Okay, it's it is lavender in color and the applic application has a little boy with two rings around their head.

Okay, you might Oh, I'm not sure if that's the right one. You might have to download an app called tune in. Who turn in t U N E base I N.

I'm getting a pan hold on ben.

Yep, so it should be on the app store. Who it's called turn in? Or if you're finding difficulties. You can go on the website.

No, no, I don't want to go on the website. I don't. I'm with Dodo at my internet is dreadful, man. I oh, okay, Yes, the Apple podcast app you see comes on my phone. It's already there.

Okay, oh okay, it shouldn't be on our side. I think Apple hasn't updated the thing. But I'll pass it onto management to see if worth still on Apple. But but it should be on an app called tune in. If you download that app, so you can listen to other radio stations as well. So that's b u n e no no no tun in t u n e tune So t w n e l n no no tun t u n e.

I n like loonly tune. T o o n.

No no no t t u m e n em no tune like tuning the radio. Tune in t u n e e space.

In I n you should be on the United Nations. I am I oh, I am, I am okay.

I got to pick up all the indgo.

Hold on, wait, Jamie, Jamie, I've indigo and then N for yes, yes, all right, so spell it with me. One more time ready you? Oh n no, I am listen. I've got oh god, I'll get my grandson to get you. Send Jonathan. Have I said this? We meet and him had a right way back when we both lived in more and Mardeen.

So can you repeat that again?

Well we lived in one but aaradeine. We both had a little I don't want to get too much and I'm going to start blasting. This is why I need to talk to him and listen to the podcasts. I will make it happen. It's okay, listen, thank you for everything. You're a very young boy. You have a girlfriend, Ben?

So my name is Ben.

Do you have a girlfriend.

I know, I don't know my.

Grandson. He's not straight, but I don't know what you are. But I could maybe I could talk to him and see if maybe you could just be friends. He loves love to get into broadcasting. He's an artist, so he doesn't make any money. But I could talk to him and maybe get that to happen.

All No, I'm good, Thank you, all right, Ben?

Thank you so much?

Who are by?

Who were bye?

Thank you? Oh my god, Jesus like that all day every day, I reckon.

We're so calm, cool and collected. Oh god, he did that really well. So I went in and out of a very deep British accent.

I didn't even Yeah, I did. I notice the accent was fluctuating. I didn't even considered this as an option. God, I wish we didn't have fucking jobs during John Law's show. How good would it be if we could get through and you relived.

Oh my god, like you did.

Pike's Nursery two point zero, Like you got him to spell you something that's brilliant. You might not have as much patience these that.

I don't think he would. He would that quick to realize that there's gold in this material. He was such a beautiful boy. Jesus Christ, Wow, I love that. I'm going to take Dot on a tour around the country. Sure, Jesus, you're right Alien.

The old woman came a lot more naturally to you than the old man character. Yeah, what would the old man have sounded like?

Hello?

Just crue it's always right British.

No, I preferred Dot.

It must be easier to do. Are the poor guys?

Wow?

You tune in too, Mike.

That was also they're really really dumb for not having their podcast on Apple, and rather than saying, oh, yeah, we'll fix that, they go no, no, go to our website or tune in instead, Like, there's no way that's a good Like if not that this would be high on twosm's priority list, but that's a very bad podcast strategy.

Yeah, no, I don't think that's exactly top of the listener.

I think like eighty nine percent of our listeners are on Apple by the way. Really yeah, so like like Apple is still the number one app that most people use for podcasts, and so the fact that they're not on there is really.

Fucking fud So we didn't get an answer, Like he didn't really know what was happening.

Yeah, I don't think he knew it.

Tune in.

Yeah, that's just that's one of my favorite phenomenon. Kay for kill And.

If you're wondering that guy Ben from TWOSM, he later DMed us asking us to send him the audio he loved his mone of Glory.

Did he send it to John?

I fucking hope no.

Imagine that John. These two quiz I did this on their podcast You lost me at Queez. Well we'll be back guys very soon. A couple of weeks, go back and listen to some old episodes in the meantime.

Well, this could be someone's first time listening.

If it is, Hi, welcome, thank you so much. Leave a review and you might even I get a shout out on the first episode back and when yourself some surprising.

It's chaos here, you'll love it.

Yeah, it's chaos.

Welcome to chaos.

But we love it. That's why we do it, all right, guys, Jenne would.

Rather be at Lumba.

Yeah, obviously.

Have you been to Zomber since the first episode?

How was it? You was good?

Yeah, that's true.

Was that your first time back in ages?

Yes?

Since the pandemic?

Yeah, and they go Jenna, oh dad, welcome back. We missed you.

The instructor was like, thank god, you're here. Where have you been, bitch?

They're like, welcome back, Jenny, You've needed to come for quite a while.

They were like, Jenna and Jennet's second chin, welcome back from isolation, you pig.

Jenn We need to check your sugar levels upon entry.

I haven't lost my eyes. They wait, either thought, I can't.

I haven't lost my twelve weight in high school? Did you get on?

Wait?

N sa Jenna.

Yeah, I cares.

Everyone does.

I did because I became a chronic drinker. Dear, Yeah, Bottle of Day is my average. Now I'll get you.

It's all the caloriesn't that wine. I do the late night drive through at midnight after I finished the show, so I've mad dinner at seven, and then by the time it's one am midnight, you go, oh my god, I want more.

Yeah, that's true.

What do you get chicken and cheese?

I thought they didn't do that after midnight.

I do wraps after midnight. Chicken and cheese? Easy, chicken and cheese?

Do you want Do you want to hear something? Fucked? They don't new chicken and cheese on Uber Eats at all?

Really, what can you do like a custom burger? Like you know you can build it.

Not that I'm aware of that. Open the app now, so then let's see, because I remember I was I was doing that traditional part of the evening at a house party where I'm like, I'm gonname who want? Who wants something from Magan? We're all pretty placid and eichelan. My friend was like, I want a chicken and cheese, and I was like, Babe, they don't have them on Uber eats and she goes, okay, let me think of something else. A few minutes past I was like, Aichelan,

I was like, no, I don't.

They don't exist. And then the food arrives and I was like, who got the filet of fish?

Who?

What?

A The fill out of fish actually goes not me, I've got I've got a chicken and cheese.

I was like, no, you did it.

I know for a fact you didn't.

Well, Mitchell, it must be. It must be regional based because there's chicken and cheese at the local one and it even has a little popular stick next to it.

Bullshit cheese.

It's an option. Yeah, well this was in fucking look at that. Doesn't that look good?

This was in Newtown that we got the chicken and cheese, and it wouldn't let us do it on the app.

Chicken cheese is the most white girl male ever. It's so gross, but it's still it's delicious, but.

It's just it's weird. Because I was working at Macads when they launched the chicken and cheese and I was like, that sounds disgusting. And then because I get half price every break. When I was on my meal break, I was like, can I try this chicken and cheese caper? And I grabbed one and I was like, do you know what? Weird combo? But I'm into it.

It worked. Yeah, it's delicious.

I love it.

Anyway. There's type stuff you can get listen to is just me the podcast. We'll be back with fresh episodes very soon. You can get a local one Jenna. We're doing a tight rat.

See Jenna proved me right. You can't get chicken and cheese.

I told you it must just be region based.

Where are you delivering to dinner our studio?

Yes?

Where are you delivering to mc coy park?

What?

What were you at McCrary McCary center? It just said maccuary, No McQuary center, and then there's Macquarie mackets. Trust me, I'm very well versed in the.

Look.

I'm really sure people can google this. No, no, okay, I'm glad we got their listeners waiting.

I guess it's just Hurry or North Ride.

But I just checked.

All right, well those are our best bits from and I just.

I didn't doctor it.

It's real I don't get it.

Surely it's only up from here season three and twenty twenty one.

Yeah, we'll see you there, guys.

I'm confused.

Thanks for listening, Bye bye.

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