BEST OF: Talkback Tingz

Is it just me a podcast by a couple of midges?

How holl are you?

Hallo, Mitchell Coupe, how are you? What's been happening?

Oh?

Look at me? Do I have an Adelaide glow about me? A brown wine region?

What did you think? What did you think? Because I've been banging on about how much I do Adelaide for so long and you think I'm a loser for it.

You have and I'd never been, and I was kind of ashamed of it, but also like it didn't really bother me that I'd not ever been to Adelaide, which is I'm a shamed to say, but I am converted. That play God is absolutely beautiful. And I don't know what you thought when you went there for the first time, but it's gorgeous. It's laiden back, like the architecture is stunning. You've got like thirty minutes to wine region, thirty minutes to the beach, great food, great cafes, and it's on

Yeah.

I feel like they were probably putting on quite a show for you to try and win you over. But even someone like me who's been there a few times and they weren't, you know, going above and beyond it, I was still impressed. I absolutely love it. I think the first time I went was when I was like thirteen or fourteen or something on a family holiday. But then I went again recently for my comedy shows, and oh, I just adored it. There was one hiccup, though, I

Gorgeous.

We got on board and they said we've run out of scones and we'd pre ordered our chocolate chip scones on the and I was absolutely shattered. I was really looking forward to my quaint experience of being on a gorgeous river cruise with a scone and a cup of tea. But you know, all's well, that ends well they partially refunded me. How good is that?

See that that is Adelaide. Sydney had like, hey, we're out of scones. Fuck you pay double, you know, like Adelaide three funds. Yeah, deal with it.

Prick.

Melbourne would deconstruct it like they'd be like the tea water is taken from the river and the tea bag is actually a metaphor. There's no They'd.

Give you some flour and a bottle of lemonade and be like make your own fucking scones.

Very true. I just loved it. I just I went on a little scooter ride around the CBD. You had like half an hour to kill so.

Oh those things scare me. Though I've never done the scooter thing.

I didn't realize like, thank God, I've got all these during idiots in my DMS, because they put up I'm gonna go on a scooter ride. And there were orange ones and purple ones, and I thought they were just different brands, right, yeah, like different companies. But I think Orange is super fast, Purple is slow. So I got an Orange one. Oh sho, this is zooming around. Everyone's like, yeah, you did well because the Purple ones you just don't go anywhere. So thank you to the Juran idiots that

Mitch, you have to do. You have a lot of listeners in Adelaide, don't we?

So many, so many, which it makes sense. Chill, it's laid back, everyone's horning. They've got nothing else to do.

So and then I take themselves too seriously like Adelaide. You know, they are what they are. They're not up themselves and it's just fucking gorgeous and underrated totally.

And I met Sam Smith, which was.

Oh yeah, gorgeous.

Sam actually said that they think that sa Adelaide is their favorite place in Australia because it reminded them of Sicily. And they did say they just finished watching White Lotus, which so have I. But it gives Sicilyan vibes. And I know you're probably thinking I'm embellishing once again, but you go to White Region like no.

I love Adelaide, but really it's like Sicily, Like Sisily's got the gorgeous crystal clear waters. Adelaide River is essentially mud. Oh no, no, get out of the river.

I'm talking wine region and like the oceans like nimclaren Vale and the Barossa, they're are vineyards.

Now that's something I haven't done.

Oh my god, you've got to do it. I went to the Darrenberg Cube, which is like four different cubes stacked on top of each other with a vineyard around it and a restaurant inside it is it was truly, it was very, very incredible.

Have I ever told you my dream holiday?

No?

I don't think you ever have. Actually, so I feel like.

It's something I'm going to have to do, like in retirement, because the plan is to go to Adelaide and then go to the wine regions and say at Kingsford Homestead, which is the house that they filmed Mcloud's Daughters at, but they've converted it into this gorgeous hotel like winery stay thing. I don't even know if you'd call it a hotel.

Like a bed and breakfast, Yeah, I guess so.

And then from there I'll catch the gan up to Darwin or Alice Springs or something.

Oh you have met This is the most Bogan holiday ever, But I absolutely love it. Do you get that? Do you get the full experience? Like they put you in a tractor that's on like a roller coaster track and does it drive off an edge and then stop and then reverse back.

No, they don't replicate Clamcloud's death.

No, miss opportunity.

I will be in my mind.

Don't worry anyway. South Australian idiots and everyone really we love you, Thank you for listening. But you know what, my next trip is Perth because I've never been to Perth neither, and I feel I'll have a similar reaction because we live in our Sydney bubble Mitchell and it's beautiful as it is here. You know, it's a big white Australia out there. So I loved Essay so much for.

All its faults. Would you concur that when you fly back into Sydney after being elsewhere, you do still get that kind of oh I'm home. You get that feeling when you look out the plane window and see Sydney. Oh one, it's like Stockhelm syndrome. This place sucks, but we love it. Even all the people in Adelaide, they're like, where are you from. I'm like Sydney, Like, oh, intimidated buy it. They're like, I went, there's too many areas. I'm like, you're right, there is too many areas. Did

No?

Oh, that's a good name, though I didn't go.

I think am I confusing it with the drag queen? Is it Mary's Poppin'? Hold on, I'm just googling it.

Funny name.

Yeah, Mary's Poppin. That's it. It's gorgeous. It's it's like so many different levels, so spread out. So if you get sick of one dance boy, you go to another. Why didn't you do that?

That would have been right up your alley? No, because I was being wined and dined every night. I did have a free moment. I was being like jetted around on buses and it was a whole thing. But to choose. Sorry that the VIP.

Life anyway, Shut the fuck up about your VIP live. What are we doing here? This is the best Bits episode, and it's possibly going to be the best of the best Bits.

Yes, it is Mitchell today, we're doing this.

Yes, it's talkback Tings, the segment where we play all of the weird cooked shit that we hear on talkback radio, and there's a lot of cookshit that happens on talkback radio. This was voted by our listeners. We did a poll in our Facebook group. This was voted our best segment ever. So we're doing the best of talkback tings today.

Yeah, we've never put them all in one place, so this is actually good going forward. If you're a fan of talkback tings, just go back to this episode and you can listen to all the best ones in one little bit. So let's start off with this was Oh my god, it was in the intro of our show for a long time, from episode forty five. This is Pike's nursery.

Yes, this is the famous John Laws talkback king himself. This is John Laws versus some deaf old lady that called into this show. We've done John Laws before here on the show. He's back again. I got one from the archives today. It's an old bit of goodie that my dad was telling me about. So you know how most talkback listeners are ancient, and maybe they don't have Google.

Standard?

So it was an ad for a nursery, Pike's nursery. So firstly, how would you spell Pikes.

P ykes correct?

So he had a bit of trouble passing that message on to her, but he did not give up, So strap yourself in. This goes on for a while. He was determined to get it to her, and as you know, John Law's very little patience. Yes, but he persisted.

Here it is, I'll tell you what to do ring Pikes nurseries. What nursery Pikes Pike? Yes, p y k e s I? What am I known to deserve this? Would you spell that again for me? Hey? I A P.

Did you cry?

No, ma'am? I said no, I said, P Why why p s P? Why is in Yankee? K is in Kilo? He is in Echo? S is in stupid? Pikes p y k e s Pike's nurseries? Y I? But will we try it again? Ma'am, okay, you ready? Now you got your pencil handy? Okay?

P no P.

As in piddle?

Why he I from P? P?

You've got the P there? That's right? And why why? As in yankee? That's right? Okay? Then you have.

A K.

I K is in kill?

K is it?

Pay?

Why A? Ok?

Don't get excited, ma'am. Can I ask you a leading question? Do you have trouble hearing? I have? Yes? All right, man, Well we'll try it again. P why why K K okay again? Yes? K is in kill? Yes? Yes, God you got there? Would you spell? Would you spell it back to me?

Now?

Pay?

Why? I?

Oh, no, it's not right. Oh it's not right. Pee? Why K E? S hey?

I y E?

Where do you go A from? I haven't said A anywhere? P? You got the P? Right?

Why? I?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Is in yankee?

Pay?

Why it is? K?

Oh? God save me? How can a K and an E sounded like K? Yes? I will? I will? I throw myself right down the microphone choke you to death in a minute. That's what I'm going to do.

Hey, why.

Did you say no?

No?

I didn't know. I don't think we're ever going to make it, ma'am. Are we I don't think that. I don't think that I'm ever going to be able to give you this telephone number. I mean, this is just the name. Imagine it when I start to get to the telephone number and it's a nursery, is it? Yes? It is? Strangely enough, give me the number of it? Oh God, can I a telephone? That's all right?

Here?

You are you ready? I'll take the risk. Are you ready? Okay? Do you have your pen at they're ready? Okay?

Six?

Six good, that's very good. Three three Jesus.

I don't know but that I'll just have a catch it intil barbarized in my ear.

Okay, well, I'll say it very quietly. Can you hear me? Six three very good? Six three nine nine and another nine eight eight very good? Five five one one? Yes, that's it?

Yes?

Would you read it back to me?

Uh?

None? None?

The legends on a five one. You've got it. You've got it. I so just dial a telephone number. And God helped Bruce Pike.

Oh my god, they got there and the end, didn't they That is the best yet, And that would only happen on talkback. Oh hey, for kill I reckon. Halfway through he realized this is gold.

Where was she getting the april?

I'm never saying the four ka hoow?

Could they be a number? I've heard him get that animated before.

I know. We'll see this was many years ago, right right, Okay, So I understand now why they call him the Man with the Golden tonsils, because that was quite a booming.

Rich boy.

That was beautiful.

These days, he doesn't really sound like that anymore.

So.

The reason I've had to dig into the archives as well is because his podcast doesn't get updated anymore. There hasn't been a new episode.

I know.

Well, that's how I usually find shit of his to play on talkback teams, because I'm at work when he's on air. Ah, That's why most of the stuff comes from the night show. And now that John Law's podcast has disappeared, I can't find the audio. But also the most recent episode, which was mid March. He really doesn't sound well really, so play the old one. This is what he used to sound like.

Okay, I'll tell you what to do. Ring Pike's nurseries booming.

And now particulate. This is him in the most recent podcast upload in the.

Past couple of hours. The World Health Organization has described the coronavirus as the defining health crisis of our generation.

What day are at?

Well?

Do you? Oh?

What they are advocating is regata testing for the virus's pressure mounts, for personal restrictions on visits to pubs and movie houses and h care homes. Many ANZAC Day commemorations.

You can tell the turning his mic off to clear, but it's still there. Irony, of course, being that he's talking about coronavirus.

Yeah, she sounds like he's on a death a ventilator. I know, I know he is up in his eighties, right.

Oh yeah, but good on him for still being on air. Right, given to go? But just like, how the fuck am I supposed to find audio to play on our podcast? And he stopped uploading episodes of your podcast? It was seventeenth of March, was the last up? That's the last podcast episode?

Poor avid listeners, who can't you know, be up at the cracker dawn. They might have medical appointments to see to listen to their favorite shock.

I know.

Maybe they just assumed that his listeners don't listen to podcasts, but they're wrong, here I am, and here I am refreshing it going. Come on, mate, why should we call them great minds? Thinking light? Yeah, that's actually what I was going to get you to do.

Oh, let's do it. Let's call like reception and yeah.

This is exactly what I was going to get you to Okay, I want you to be an old man.

Yeah, no, I don't want to be a woman. I want to be a woman. I don't want to be a man. Too close to.

Reality either works, Just be someone who was the senner John Laws call two s M Reception. Let me get the number and be like, where the fuck is the podcast? Yeah it's been months, I'm worried. Is John still on air?

Okay?

Like where is he?

No?

I got the number? All right, I'm gonna call. I'm gonna be Dot Wiggins. Okay, I've got the number. Are we ready?

Yep?

I've never seen you so eager to do a prank call.

I thought my alter ego is a ninety seven year old woman named Dot. All right, let's ring.

Okay, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hi.

Hello, my name is Dot? Is this reception desk?

Reception? Hi?

Yep, a query?

Listen, what did you say? Your name?

Was Ben Ben from two of the Ben.

My name's DoD. How are you Ben?

I'm good? Thanks?

So are you been better?

I've been better. I have a query. I listen to the John Laws morning show program every day.

Religious.

I mean, I'm not a religious person, but I listen every day, and for love of God, I can't listen anymore. You've seen in the mornings do too. I have to get my knee lanced. I've got pussing my knee. It's a whole thing. But I can't seem to listen live, so I have to listen via podcasts. However, there hasn't been a podcast updated Ben since March.

Middle of March, middle of March.

Really March sevente I've written it down in my bad March seventeen.

Anymore.

He's the last podcasts from John Laws.

Okay, March right now, I'll check the website right now?

Is here?

Is everything okay with John?

Yes, everything's okay with John. He was sick today so it didn't get on today. Oh no, let me check. His last show was yesterday.

Tell him tell him dot from Wanga Barradine censor.

He'll know me.

We had a briefly in vagonet night. But tell him, I said, I am my regards. So the podcast just don't they don't get put on, they don't get thumb drived in. They're not on anymore.

They are in.

They're on the website.

No Apple, not the website Apple, Ben Apple, Okay, it's it is lavender in color and the applic application has a little boy with two rings around their head.

Okay, you might. Oh, I'm not sure if that's the right one. You might have to download an app called tune in. Who turn in t u n e base I n.

I'm getting a pen hold on ben yep.

So it should be on the app store. Who it's called turn in, So.

That's b u n e no no turn in t.

U n e tune So t.

W n e l n.

No no turn t u n e.

I n like Looney tune. T o o n.

No no no t t u m e n e no tune like tuning the radio. Tune in t u n e e space n I M.

You should be on.

The United Nations for I am I oh, I am, I.

Am Okay, I'm I got to pick up.

All the indo. Hold on, wait, Jamie Jamie, I've indigo and then n for Nelly.

Yes, yeah, all.

Right, so spell it with me one more time? Ready you? And oh and.

I no, I am.

Listen, I've got Oh god, I'll get my grands aunt together. Thank you so much? Who who are?

Thank you?

Oh my God, Jesus like that all day?

Every day?

I can so calm, cool and collect this is it just me?

Oh my god?

I forgot that. That used to be a hidden talent of yours, Mitchell, just coming up with fake suburb names on the spot. Did you hear just then how you said that dot was from Wanga Barradine.

Yeah.

We even made details with my fake suburbs on them. That was a real thing for a period there. I missed that in my recent trip.

Have you lost your spark? Can you still do it?

Oh god, yeah, of course I go Bringington Ben. No, that's terrible. I lost my spark. I feel like I woke up one day and I just couldn't do it anymore.

You know, I'll go one more chance.

You're out of practice, okay, Well in Adelaide, Mitchell, I used to live in oh, Hassington hillside. That works.

We're getting warmer, We're getting by the way. I need to actually correct myself because a couple of weeks ago I said that the first ever time Dot Wiggins came to be was when you were prank calling that guy that ghosted me. I think that was actually that was the inception of Dot. That was the first time you ever did DOT when you were calling after the Pike's nursery thing. Was that the first Dot, the very first Yes, I stand correct it.

Who were gaslighting people? Well that, yeah, you're right, Actually, good call got so long ago. Who remembers now?

Anyway? Sticking with John Laws, do you remember this Mitch back in episode seventy three, which just sets my heart on fire. My favorite numbers are three and seven, So seventy three, Holy shit.

I love that.

I adore the fact that this is from episode seventy three. This is when we took inspiration from John Laws's poetry, because sometimes he just goes rogue and gets a bit self indulgent, plays his own poems on his radio show.

Yeah, which I think should be some sort of it should be illegal, right, like that's cook in the books. US is not selling these poems, like if they're in Berklour books and he's reading them out on air. You know that's a conflict of interest, but I think they're fine. Otherwise, I wanted to give it my best shot, so I did an improvised poem on the fly, John Laws. But it was at the time of the Free Britney movement

I heard something during the six hour drive back home to Bogenate Wearingham right now, and I thought, oh, that's very out there. That's odd, But I'm thinking, Mitch, you can implement it into your FM radio world. So John Laws, right, Yeah, the King We've heard from him quite a few times. In this segment, he was taking a call from someone and halfway through he sort of just broke into song. What but he wasn't singing. It was more like poetry.

Right.

It sounds weird, but give it a listen. I really think, Mitch you should take this on board.

I don't think I need it. I think my show is just fine. But all right, we have the audio. This is John Laws on AM Radio.

One three hundred five six four sixty five two. Should you like to give us a call and tell us.

What sorry that fucking number. Simplify it.

It's like one three hundred John Laws. It spelled his name.

The listeners already have damage frontal lobes, like don't make them have to hours? Is thirteen one o six five easy?

I'm pretty sure you know when you use the text on a Nokia as the letters and numbers would be there. I'm pretty sure one three hundred whatever it is that spells one three hundred John Laws. Oh my WSFM.

Oh that's actually smart. So they catered for that back in the day when that was really cool.

But he doesn't say that. He says the number four one three hundred five sixty four six fighter. His listeners can.

Barely remember to take their blood pressure medication, not alone that number. All right here continuing the audio.

But it is that is on your mind. We better talk to Ross Ross. Are you there? Yeah, Mite, Okay, what do you want to talk about? Ross? Oh?

Yeah, just I had a bit of a culture shock myself the other day. I drive a truck up and down the up the coast and Queensland coast and out as far as Mount Eyeser and I was getting ready to time in the me truck and the gear bag was missed five minutes on the front sets. And I come from a country team where you went down the pub and you left your wallet and your money on the on the bar when you went to the toilet.

Yeah, and nobody touched a thing.

Yeah.

Oh, god knows what's happened to that lovely attitude we used to have in little towns where you could do anything you like. You just got to be so careful these days because the world has become a much more violent place than it You have a much more dishonest place than it used to be.

Yeah, and you know, everyone looked after everyone else.

That's right, everyone.

Looked up for everyone up now. It makes a really paranorid about people.

You know, I remember a story I did about little towns. I might read that for you. Oh no, okay, Ross, turn your radio on and listen, because it's a good story about little towns. Are you ready?

Where do you get a guitar from?

Let's just think about the magic of the little town. A little town is where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, but they read the weekly newspaper just to see who got caught doing it. A little town is where if you get the wrong number, you can talk for fifteen minutes anyway if you want to. In any town, the ratio of good people to bad people is one hundred to one.

Where'd you get that statistic from?

Thee hundred are uncomfortable in a little town, the one is uncomfortable. A small town policeman has a first name. The small town school teacher has the last word. The small town preacher sometimes a full time farmer. This small town farman takes turns, and you say, why would anybody want to live in one of these tiny, blinker New Missic towns. I don't know, maybe because in the class play there's a part for everybody. What at the town jail there's rarely anybody?

And then.

You're still among friends.

Oh my, Mitchell, what did you think when you heard that live?

Well, I mean, I'll be honest, I did think, what the fuck is going on? Where did this come from? And I also did think, oh, he's clearly not reading that live. His voice sounds way younger.

Yeah, that was in the mid eighties. At least the plem wasn't on his throat as well at that point in time.

But then I thought, this is John Laws. We're talking. He has been in radio for four hundred years, and so there must be some key to his longevity, and I feel that that might be the fact that he really thinks outside the box. So, Mitchell, I think you should take an inspiration from his poetry. I was quite inspired.

And start some poetry on the night show or the national breakfast show that I'm doing.

No, precisely, that's what I'm thinking. You've got this new fancy radio gig. You're doing breakfast hours at the moment, and I was thinking you should call your boss and find some gentle guitar music similar to what John Laws has with the pan Flete and then just say to him, Hey, man, I've got this idea. Can you let me know what you think of this and then wing it? Just improvise something similar to that.

Hold on, wait a second, now, I don't want to implement this in my show. I've got enough content. I'm more than a cross it.

Hey, if it's good enough for the great John Law, it's good enough for you, Bucko. Exactly. You can learn a thing or two from him. I feel like poetry could be your thing.

I found some music. This is perfect. This is lovely sounds like something from Banjo.

KAZUOI okay, so call you bof dB.

No, no, I'm going to call my producer. I'm going to call my producer, Alex Alex. Yeah, Alex is my producer for the Winter Breakfast show that.

I oh wait, is that the same intern Alex that we had on this podcast. We brought her into Oust Jenna.

Oh my god, yes we did, and.

Then we offered her a role on this podcast as a producer, and then she ghosted it.

Oh my god, she fucking did.

Came never. We did a welfare check and we just presumed she was dead. So she's back from the dead working on your radio show, is she?

Yeah, she got the call up. She's my head producer.

She's alive.

Yeah.

Wow. I can't believe she faked her own death just to get out of working on this podcas Cars, That's unbelieva. That's something I would do.

You should imagine myself when I got a call from a number I thought.

It's as anyway, So maybe call Alex then your producer and just say, oh god, this is actually better, because she'll be really polite. She won't have the heart to tell you that it's fucking stupid. Yeah, like, hey, babe, I'm thinking outside the box. I want to bring something fresh to the radio show next week.

What do you think of it?

And then what do you want your poem to be about?

Ll?

Maybe ask her, now, what's what's my poem to be? And I'm gonna have to have an idea for a poem? What about Princess Diana's mural that?

Nah, you do better? You do better when you're improvising. Maybe ask her to give you a random topic.

Oh good, Yeah, okay, I'm going to dial her through. I'm going to connect my phone so she knows it's me. Fucking hell.

Can I hear the music again?

Yeah?

I've got options. So there's gentle Guitar number three, which you've heard. This sounds like the final Ballad of the Titanic as it's something to the North Pacific does.

Yeah?

That one's too emo. It needs to be a bit inspiring. Yeah, this one sounds like New Poins panty line if by Libra it does?

Yeah, it does. I liked about truth it's true milk because I don't want kathium and take from regular milk. That's why I drink so good all right, I like three, this is it, This is it? Okay, that's it. I'm gonna call it, but I'm gonna get her opinion on which it's me. You're not you won't speaker phone rule number one, like I taught you. Oh, I had an idea for the show. I'm thinking, you know how you

Okay, cool fun.

It'd be like, yeah, like a like a slam poetry kind of thing. Yeah, not even slam, like inspiring, Like I want to inspire like like people like kids listening, what's topical, what's happening at the mow in like culture? Well, I mean you could you know, kind of do something inspiring.

In terms of Brittany you know Britney Spears, people control you, Oh.

My god, Britney Spears.

Coobie.

I just like get some music out and I like i'd sing to music. Ideas.

It'd be like.

We knew you from a girl. You tightened, cube, but now look at you like an old haggard boot free Brittany. Let her out of that cage, Poor poor Brittany. It makes me filled with rage.

Blonde hair, blue eyes, her father doing this.

I desp.

Something like that, you know, like a poem, a current, Yeah yeah, that could work. Or what else is topical?

Well, I mean royal or topical royals?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You shouldn't have got in that taxi cab.

I'll die.

Why did you have to die? You would have been sixty today. It's the sixty of an adversary of her life. There was a statue made for die and it was built from concrete.

And live.

Concrete and live.

A beautiful son's attended. Tension was at an all time No sign of Queen Lizzie, no sign.

Philip wasn't there. I guess he probably couldn't, because Philip.

Died, just like Die.

Princess died. Yeah. See, I think there's something you die too.

I love.

All Right, Well, well we can talk Monday and we'll send it to managementcause I reckon that's good to send to like dB and the buses.

Yeah, I love that. Okay, fabulous all.

Right, thanks Alex, I'll talk to you over the weekend. Love you, love you. See thanks the tipsy.

Oh my god, now that didn't That didn't even feel like a prank call. That felt like a genuine fucking brainstorm. And you know what, I'm soul I loved it.

I actually might run that audio on Monday morning.

That was inspirator.

Is it just me.

Listening on Spotify?

I don't forget to leave a five stark you, Doug. We've got so many more best bits of talk back teams to come. By the way, John Laws, we did actually end up interviewing him at the end. We were face to face with the man with the golden tonsils, which was just very intimidating. It's back in episode ninety four if you want to go listen to that.

Yeah, it was a lot going on, it was. He was in a weird mood. He definitely warmed up by the end.

I'll say that that was the first time I've ever seen you struggling in an interview, because you've got the gift of the gab. You interview people for a living, but you, John's a tough nut to crack, and you were just struggling You're used to people just falling in love with you from the first sentence, and so you were like, it was so funny. You were so out of your comfort zone. I'd never seen it before.

I just couldn't crack him. And then I also was very intimidated by him. But I also don't think he could hear me. So there was many issues happening at once, so I think that was the problem. But we got there in the end. We really did well.

Moving on from John Laws, let's move on to Graham Gilbert, who is another talk back radio host at night, and he is so prone to prank calls. He's constantly on the receiving end of prank calls, and this one that we're about to listen to, back from episode fifteen, is possibly the best.

Of the best.

Today we're not listening to John Laws. We're listening to the guy that does the night show on the same station.

To SM, So I'm competing with him.

Well, yeah, technically your rival at nighttime. So his name's Graham Gilbert, And as Wikipedia very generously phrases it, it says in two thousand and two, Gilbert's nighttime show on two SM scored a rating of zero point one in Sydney, the lowest rating ever recorded for a commercial program in metro market in Australia. Two of them subsequently withdrew from the Sydney Radio ratings. So now they don't really have any way of knowing how many people do or don't listen. But he does get callers.

He does get it, I'll tell you that.

But unfortunately most of those callers calling Peter Graham Gilbert are prank callers.

I don't know why.

He's just become a target for prank callers. I've done it before. I'm not gonna lie. Oh yeah, yeah, it's just so easy. He's such an easy target. He's had a lot of them over the years. Most famously, I would say, would be the India prank calls.

This is so so funny.

I can't explain to you've heard it. Yeah, I've heard this, Jenna, No, okay. So I've got a quick example for you just to hear that. So basically, people call in and troll him by answering every question he asks in his quiz with the answer India.

Question one, which Australian gymnast won Commonwealth Games gold in nineteen ninety and again in nineteen ninety four for his performance on the pommel horse India. I didn't think you were that done. I didn't think you were that done, Lincoln. But clearly I was wrong. Hello Thomas Graham.

Yeah, mate, God he's bloody idiots calling up.

Again then, but you'll have the answer.

What do you think India?

Yeah, Thomas, it's bedtime. Now, off you go, Okay, off you go. Thirteen twelve sixty nine. Hello there, Marcus, Yes, yes mate, Have you got an answer for us?

India?

Are you Marcus? Grow up? You women?

Grow up?

Good on you boys are going to be one of those nights, Robert good evening. Hello Graham, Hello, not too bad mate.

Sorry after all that nonsense, could you repeat the question?

Yeah, the question is, mate, which Australian gymnast Commonwealth Games gold in nineteen ninety and again in nineteen ninety four that his performance on the pommel horsephone.

It wasn't even clever, mate, not even clever. Hello, ev I am, is who do you think it was?

India even than fall for their silly games?

Okay your match too nice to fall for their silly games.

Oh my god, I love how he says.

Oh.

Another one of those nights. This must happen a lot.

So what the fuck is a pommel horse?

I have no idea.

I don't think anyone actually knew the answer. Poor Eve just like couldn't do it all I know.

But who are these people? I've done so much research. I cannot find out how the India call started. And I don't know if they're still happening, but they've happened plenty of times. It's all over YouTube. But obviously he's aware of those prank callers. Often he just plays music because he gives up trying to do talk back. But some prank calls do slip through the cracks and he doesn't realize that they're a prank caller.

I think I know what you mean.

So this one that I'm about to play, someone called through, and rather than talking to him, they just recited the lyrics to the Family Guy theme song, I've given you the themes song over there, Madge players. It seems today that all you see is violence, you know what classic?

But where its good old fashion?

And so someone called through with those lyrics to see if he would notice. Here's how it went.

Talk Tonight on thirteen, twelve sixty nine. Hello, Brian good even Graham.

How are he is?

Good?

Thanks?

Mate?

It seems today that all you see is.

Violence and movies and sex on TV.

Right, Where are the good, old fashioned values on which we used to rely.

Well that's a good point, isn't it.

And it's interesting that they've done a couple of surveys of Blade and people are not going to movies.

As much as they used to.

And the reason they give is because of the unnecessary language, the unnecessary sexual scenes.

And you're right, people are simply.

Wanting to go back to movies where the whole family can go and it can be wholesome.

We're lucky there's the family guy, you know.

Okay, thank you very much. Okay, good on you, mate.

I thought he had more to say thirteen twelve and sixty nine talk tonight, the.

Best fuddy is and old fashioned values on which were used to like, couldn't agree more. The movies, the movies, Gias, it's awful.

I know.

And he took the bait. He had no idea. And so the challenge is because Graham Gilbert it is so hyper aware of prank callers, is to try and slip through the cracks. So what you just heard, Mitch. I bet you're wondering why I asked to push back the recording time this week a bit later at night.

My actual night show starts very soon.

Yes I know. And Jenny, you've it's Lumba for this pump class and he's on seven till midnight. So there's like a two hour window and we are currently in that window. So I was I was thinking, oh, do you want us to to call in? I want you to call and like that person did recite some lyrics that sound like a conversation and see if he notices. So thirteen twelve sixty nine is the number? Get it ready?

Oh I don't think I can.

You knew this was coming though, Like I you act so like, oh, you're gonna make me do this, But like every time we do talk back things, I always tend to make you do something. I'm like, what have you learned from?

Sure?

You do it?

You do something off the back of it.

Okay, Well, if you give me the lyrics, I'll do it.

Well.

A couple of the ones that I thought of were Partying in the USA by Miley Cyrus. Here's the lyrics.

Okay, thank you? Oh yeah, so just say hello? Ready, good a mate, Oh Graham, I hopped off the plane at Las with a dream and my cardigan. Welcome to the land of fame excess. Oh am, I gun fitting. No, it's the the rhyme. It's too Yeah, you can't do that. So then I jumped Graham. Here I am for the first time. No, you're right, I can't do that.

The other one, another one I came up with, was all Star by smash Mouse.

Oh yeah, do you want to try?

So?

You know that song from Shrek Jenner? Yes, yeah, So I talked to night Graham. Gilbert's good evening Graham.

Yeah, somebody once told me the world is going to roll me Andy Graham on the first tom and I ate the sharpest still in the shed. She was looking kind of damn right with her fingers.

I reckon that one's okay. That one's better than party in the rhymes.

The rhymes throw us off.

Yeah, do you reckon, Jenna, let's gover that one. Can you think of any others? No, that one's the best. Yeah, it's better than anyway.

No, I've got it. I've got one.

Oh.

I don't want to see what it is, but I've got one.

What is it.

I don't.

I don't want you to know. God is gonna put on.

I mean three thousands stuff over a long period of time. Talk to like your name please? Vern, you're on here, Vern. What did you want to say? Mate?

I just wanted to talk about ancestry dot Com and genealogy. Yeah, very quickly, Grahame, you wouldn't believe it, But I just took a DNA test and turns out I'm one hundred percent that bitch.

Yeah that sounds right, Vern, So.

Oh my god, he didn't take the bait at all. I don't know where it came.

So that was what was Wait? Which song was that again? I can't remember what.

Let me get it that Lizzo Truth.

Yeah, that's right. It's a Lizo lyric classic he caught up with last week.

Dragon.

Yeah, my bff, miss Liza.

You can only play five second. That's around five second.

I just took a DNA test. Turns out I'm one hundred person.

Oh my god, I like the time with the ancestry dot Com. Yeah yeah, mate, I'm just like That's how I wanted his old fart callers would start. You wouldn't belave it.

I found the internet, said ancestry Dot cup. Yeah, keep it quick. I didn't have time for burns.

But do you have flashback on there?

Yeah?

Okay, can you go and find two s M and then just like scroll to what just happened and send it to mine. I want to know what he said after, because I reckon he would have like slagged you off a bit more.

He said, Oh my god, what did he say? Yeah, and I don't remember I just asking the wrong person again.

Can we just talk about the fact that that was way too easy to get on air?

He didn't even vet me. Like normally, when someone rings my show, okay, I go, Hi, it's Kiss Nights. What do you want to talk about? What's your name? Get the name and if they're ship I get rid of them, or if they want to talk about something stupid, I don't put them on. But I never go straight to air with someone.

No, And like if you call a talkback station, which is different to kiss, they still go through the basic what's your name of? What do you want to talk?

Speak a phone?

Usually get your suburb Jane from Croydon.

That was weird that he put it straight on air and says, what you know that I was going to says asking to be babe.

Oh my god, I can't believe that just happened. That that was We were in and out so quick.

Yeah, that's it's over before it even started. It's like getting a needle form. Have you got a Jenna?

Yeah, just sent it.

I can get it in the system right there. So this is after he hung up on me. We obviously didn't hear what he said on air, but this is him carrying on after the print corps.

Here we go, Talk Tonight. Your name please, Vern, you're on air? Vern? What did you want to say? Mate?

I just wanted to talk about ancestry dot com and genealogy.

Yeah, very quickly.

Great.

You wouldn't believe it, but I just took an a test and turns out I'm one hundred percent that bitch.

Yeah that sounds right, Vern. So you hung on for that, did you?

Yeah?

I think you've described yourself one hundred percent.

Yep.

We've got your numbers, so we won't put your back on Talk Tonight on thirteen.

And that wasn't too bad. Actually got better. It's actually better hearing it from the other a point of view.

Yeah, it's very smug. I reckon.

We can easily go back on that was that was not hard at all?

Is it?

Just when the podcast by a couple of mitches.

Now this next one Mitch from episode forty, I don't even remember the Carter Edwards. Who's Carter Edwards?

This was I completely forgot we did this. So what we did was we played a grab from Carter Edwards which was him just sitting He goes call the number now, you know, still listening for people to talk you for the talk back, and then he just sat there in silence waiting for someone to call. And then we did the same thing because we were on TikTok Live, Instagram Live and we got so many calls. It was amazing. I completely forgot this happened, but it was such a tree.

Not his heart, I thought, but his heart gave out, eyes like that.

You'll know what I mean. But first of all, let's just give you a little taste of what Carter Edwards Ratio show is.

Like any topic any time called thirteen twelve sixty nine.

Baker that it's the truth. Yes, okay, it's your station. I just pushed the buttons and give you the chance to have your freedom of speech. And there's all kinds of things that we'd like to give you a chance to talk about one thing I wanted to do, and I want to try and get your opinion on whatever it is that we throw in your direction, because everybody's got a a thought on whatever it is that we're talking about. Whoops, where have I got this happening? A second?

Hang on? Okay, so he's not super.

Coherent, you know what I mean.

Everyone's got a thought but him.

Yes, So you wouldn't really tune into that show. If you're wanting slick, polished radio FM rubbish, you have to make exactly.

He left so many lulls. I could never do that.

Thosells are bad. So when I listened the other night, I heard him do his thing. He's like, you know, this is the number call in talk about whatever you want to talk about and then he just sat and waited for someone to call on air. He didn't fill the silence. He literally just sat in silence waiting for the phone to ring.

But was it a joke?

Was he doing it?

No?

No, no, he just played the audio. You'll know what I mean.

Thank you for your thoughts, Maureen, Okay, bye, mate, than dyl.

And Boboy okay, agree or disagree?

What are your thoughts on that one? Folks?

Please give us an idea?

Okay?

Thirteen twelve sixty nine. I've got the one line waiting for somebody.

You'll wait, No, oh my god? Wait is this real?

Yeah?

I'm not going to make you sit through all the silence it went for over three minutes.

Was in a bad mood?

I don't know, But can I tell you there is actually nothing he could have said in that moment that would have been more engaging to me than that silence. I wouldn't get out of the car. I'm sitting there in the car park for over three minutes, being like, what's going to happen next? It was actually so gripping.

Yeah, but also my brain goes straight to death. I'm like, has he died? If something has happened in the studio. There's a terrorist isis of broken in? That's just Carter Yeah, off the week. This is why we love his program.

He's not ed off again. But anyway, I'm not going to make you sit through the entire three minute silence. But this is what happened when he came back on air and finally someone called through.

Okay, what good evening?

Hello, Yeah, can you hear me?

I can hear you, yes, sir, thank you. Yeah, I was listening to your conversation earlier.

It went on from there.

It was almost like he was asleep with a newspaper, right Hello, Yes, Hi, I've been waiting.

Can I just ask Mitchell, as someone who works on air in FM radio, how much trouble would you get in.

If you did that?

Oh?

If I say my name, I'm Mitch till midnight, I can't even leave a pause between the till and midnight. I said it was one word, Mitch till midnight. I can't even know Mitch till at midnight.

A very very fast paced and nothing like that talk back ship.

Also my call because I take so many calls every night, I can if they're bad, I chop them they're done really oh of course, but it's also funny that way. But this way, like this is next level.

Well, as we've learned, they kind of just let anyone on air on talkback. They don't really bet them. It's it's like whatever someone's called, they'll take back.

That lady that he let go didn't even know his name by mate.

But anyway, I did feel bad for Carter and the fact that he was just left hanging, yeah, for three minutes, waiting for someone to call. And so right now, as we're recording we are on Facebook Live, yeah, TikTok Live, and Instagram Live. I'm thinking that our listeners, because they're fucking legends, they wouldn't leave us hanging like that.

Your body hope not, absolutely not.

And so we've never done this before, but we're going to give out the number of the studio that we're recorded here it is, and then Jenna, I want you to get a stop watch out yep, and see how long it takes someone to call, because I don't think our listeners would do that to us, leave us hanging for three over three minutes.

No, I don't think they would, although our listeners is that way Incline that they might just do it because they like a mile.

Anyone right now is considering doing this is control us. I will be furious because like that's going to be so tense.

They probably would knowing them.

We're also on Facebook Live. There's like a I tested it earlier. There's a seven second delay, so we're guaranteed at least some silence. Okay, So we're just going to sit here and wait and see how long it takes one of our listeners to call. So Mitch without further to give out the number.

All right, I'll do it. I'll it'll be my the very best carter I can be. Give us a call wherever you are. Thirteen one oh six five thirteen one oh six ' five waiting for your call. Yeh yeh talk tonight.

This is Kata Hi Hi we go, Eloise, Elloise, are you calling kids one A six five or are you calling a couple of minches?

I was on TikTok watching your life.

Yeah, yeah, one of my TikTok you legends.

Hold on rate that. We've got another one as well, right there, another second line. Hold the line. Oh they've just hung up. That's okay, Eloise, your back, Jannel what was the time.

It was fifty seconds thirty four.

Suck on hard Edwards. This is what social media, bloody millennial generation can achieve, although fifty seconds still isn't anything to raise three minutes in the comments on my TikTok saying guys don't call and I'm like you yeah Instagram, Eloise, where are you in.

A wind tunnel? By the sound of things?

Oh, Elois said a fish take Aways? Where in the world are you? Sydney, Sydney okay?

Perfects you? Okay? Put on your lap, purring.

Your phone line's shocking dull and calls back with.

Fucking Leabara or something. Oh off you, I got a new one. Hi is thirteen one O six five? Who are you calling for?

Calling to me?

Amazing?

What's your name?

My name is Angela?

Angela?

Which Mitch?

Two of us?

Angela's got another one. I'm waiting till we get one from Surry. Here we go, Hi, who you're calling for?

I'm Hi.

My name is Luke. I just thought i'd call ticked up from Mitch.

Away. What's Mitch last night? What's his last name? Luke? H?

Mitch?

Thank you? Jo.

There's another one. There's another nue, we're moving on. HI, thanks for all they hung up. Well, we've got three currently. I'm gonna who's the first girl again?

Eloise Therese?

Eloise is in, and I'm also going to add the second one, which I believe was Angela. You're both on there.

Hi girls, Hih, Hi lady, thanks so much for calling through. I really thought for a long time there that we were going to have no one.

Thank you for calling through. We do have one more someone else? Say someone else? Hi, what are you calling for?

HI?

What's your name?

Ex? Angela? Don't hang up in her again? So how many people are there on hold right now?

There's there's one more person calling through.

Okay, leave Angela and just put them on the other.

Okay, I'm going to get rid of you. Sorry. The girl on the fish tank, Hi, who are you calling for?

Hi?

Hi?

Calling for kids or a couple of mitches podcast?

The second one the past familiar.

Hi, we watched your video boging Gate in English?

Did hang on?

I need context on this? Why? For what reason was the teacher showing you my old bog video?

They're talking about lower and the middle class shut up?

Yes, Well, for some reason they thought it was really exciting for English, so we could like research other like other areas of Australia.

I see, okay, I mean it would have made sense in a geography class, but I don't understand English. So what was your name? Sorry?

Maya?

Maya meet Angela. You're both on the line at the same time. I believe Hi. Are you both in Sydney?

No, I'm actually oh, okay, well, I don't have a kids there.

All right, I'm gonna have to get rid of one. Who are we dropping? Because you have more calls coming through? I vote Angela. You've been on the longest. You have to say goodbye to angel Angela.

Thank you.

Bye Angela. Have the other girls like bye? Angela? Thirteen one six five if you're watching with us too, just.

Letting everyone know that I'm here as well.

Fuck off, Jenna, I'm adding the man, wait there, here we go. Apparently the number line's busy.

That's what I keep Hi. Hi, who are you calling for?

What's your name?

Luke?

Luke? Is this the one that we anentsered earlier?

No, I'm a different Luke because what happened to one on.

Different Luke? No less? Thank god you saved affairs.

You stay there. I'm meeting someone else's I'm.

Trying to have conversations with these people.

We can't not let people through.

Hello, Hello, Hello, what's your name?

Kate? Where are you calling?

From? Facebook? Instagram? TikTok?

Thank you?

Actually, okay, we've got one from Facebook.

Amazing.

Where are you?

Where are you calling from? Wool and Gone? I hope you're not talking and driving. It's very nice actually allow such a thing on the radio.

No.

Yeah, you'd be cut straight away from my program. I'm not sure about Carter, as you'd probably be left to a podcast for since the very beginning.

Why it's.

Thank you so much.

I stopped hanging up on there.

Thank you for calling through. I appreciate it. It's nice about to join. She got cut off because she was going down the Wollong the spin.

Keep cutting off? What about the other ones that were still there?

They've all hung up.

I want to talk to them more red Ball.

What do you bitches need there?

He is, Oh, they're they're sorry, Luke, he keeps hanging up on people. I'm going to fucking ban you from that desk if you keep hanging.

We've got calls coming through the towel radio show works, guys, you get through them.

I've never heard a radio show that just answers and then goes sorry after two seconds.

Next time, I think they're throwing you under the bath.

Really, they absolutely are, Jesus, get his number off the air with you'ret it.

Let's pretend this is the radio show. What have you called about?

Luke?

Was just calling for the pop quinn.

Oh okay, well I'm sorry you've missed. You've missed the queue that's actually already happened, so you'll have to try again tomorrow, Dula, But is there anything on your mind?

The three questions for thirty k No, okay, he's called.

He's definitely. How long have you listened to our podcast for?

I actually follow Mitch Kum on TikTok and I have never listened to your podcast.

Well, you've got some homework to do, Lukey, So it's called is it just me? You'll hear yourself next Monday when this episode comes out.

Great, just what I've been looking forward to.

Don't you come here with your sarcasm?

Dallan?

So you want to love you guys? Thank you so much? All right, bye, thank you bye. Jesus, can we get someone from Instagram Please thirteen one oh six five Instagram call for now. Jenna's on what's social geners on LinkedIn alive or something. We've got another one, We've got two, we've got three. I think we got that. Okay, here we go. All right, let's go to call number one.

Hello.

Hello, what's your name? Where you're from?

I'm Jess, Yess.

What were you watching on?

I was on TikTok amazing. Thanks for calling through, Jess. You're in Sydney, are you?

Yeah?

I was your latest video.

That was my comment.

Oh you're the one that watched my video and class as well, are you?

Yes?

Can I tell you are one of literally hundreds of people that have told me that, am I in the curriculum or something?

Yeah?

You must be. We learned it because we're learning about rural places.

Yes, country.

Can I ask you, Jess, how did the class three? They're like, go, this is cringe and they were like, okay, we get to watch it.

We loved it.

You showed up on my for you page like a week later.

And I was like, oh my god, it's miss and You're like, oh my god, it's way more foul these days because I didn't swear in that voging Gate video. That's the weirdest thing about it.

Back in my day, we'd study Romulus my father and Blade Runner. That's what these kids get. This is trash. Anyway, thank you for calling Gabby. I don't remember her name is yes, yes, yes, yes? Do you listen to the podcast?

Jess?

Yeah?

Good amazing. I don't need I don't need to bully you into listening then, Jess.

I'm going to let you go because we have one more. Thank you, Jess. What's what's your name? What's your suburb? Are you there?

Is this?

Rachel?

My guys, I love you so much.

Thank you?

What are you calling from? What social media?

Did you find us on Instagram?

There we go?

We got one on Inigo. They've done that, We've done the full sweep. Oh, for God's sake, I've just got a notification saying Jenna's gone live on what her own Instagram?

Live on Pinterest?

So where are you calling from?

Newcastle?

Newcastle? Newcastle girl?

How are we getting fed to Newcastle and regional students? So? Like, what is the algorithm?

There you go?

Wow? How long have you listened for?

Range?

Oh?

I think's the very beginning.

Guys.

I'm so glad you didn't lose interest along the way.

God.

Oh, I had to catch up today because I was in my mind. But I've literally listened to the last two episodes today, so.

Really listened to more than one episode in a day. To be honest, what's the most amount that you've listened to it?

One go?

I actually this is really sad. But when I went through Chrich to Foster, I went back and re listened to other old episodes, so probably like three hours.

Oh my god, Oh my god, that would have Were you sick of it's.

By the end?

Surely?

No, I'm actually husband to you guys as well.

No way think well, you.

Know he's just a big burly cloak. I think that he'd be into you guys. But he actually really liked you guys, So that's funny.

Yeah, we have broad appeal. I mean, that's why we have Jennifer the Tits. So I'm just joking. That's why I'm here the Big Cup.

Well, thank you for listening and thank you for calling.

That's all right, I'll get back onto Instagram.

I can watch its.

We love you say bye.

Wow, this was a success.

Why is no one calling for me.

I don't think you've explained it to your Instagram followers. Jenna hasn't done the sat this went live with no Podcast sixty five and asked for me.

God live on Etsy. Well done. I'm very impressed with our followers. Thank you to Instagram. Everyone's saying Hi, high high high three.

I don't like to try, and you know, thrive off validation from other people. But my soul died in those fifty seconds when I thought that no one was going to call me too, Like my ego was like, bang took such a hit?

How's my egg? After a I'm here for Mitchell Cooms's video, we put on the YouTube. Shut up. Well, I'm on TikTok right now you are on TikTok and I'm on I'm on our stupid little life. We have one more. Let's end with this. Come on may as well. Hi name suburb, Hi Holy Holy, probably from Hobart.

Oh didn't we speak to you a while ago? Yes, that's right, she's come back. Did the Red Ruth about to reach you?

It did?

What did you use it?

Oh?

You're kidding, we'll send it back in.

It never occurred to me that there's no red rooster in Tasmania. That's bullsh and you can't even leave that.

What a shitty competition we run. But here's a prized that you can't use.

And also, I don't think Corona. I'm pretty sure those vouchers expire in December and the porters are going to open before.

No, they're not.

We really fucked you over. Holy. Sorry, I'm so sorry, Holly, Sure, thanks for calling anyway, appreciate it. Who are you calling for? Which means his name is surname Jennal.

Well done, j I'm not ending this bye.

Holy until I get a cheery hie. Name and suburb they're there? Name suburb, good day, name and suburb.

Hey, who's calling?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Must be a U fan. They're not all there.

That's finally I get what And they're not mentally stable. That's my demographic. All right, we need to get out of here. Thank you everyone for calling. What a great fan base I have.

Thanks for listening, guys, and thanks to everyone and called in.

We should do this more often.

We should.

Yes, we don't have a call hold on, we have one. I'll put it through. We may as well, yes, please, we have the one last call if this has been the last and last one before the line.

And then yeah you better close them.

Yeah, okay, Hello, what's your name? Where you're calling from?

Hi, sus Branden. I'm actually calling from California in the US.

Oh my god, who are you calling for?

Mitch and Mitch and Jenna?

Oh my god?

Oh wait, you're calling from the US. How did you manage that?

I was on TikTok and I saw your lives It's like ten pm.

Oh my god.

Did you have to work out the area code and the international country code?

I did?

I looked, I looked up. I was like, what's the Australian international number? I had to look it up.

Oh my god. Well, it's so good to have you.

Oh my god, that's wild.

I'm cool.

Oh I can't believe I actually got on. This is crazy.

This is cool going to all that.

What was it?

Brighton?

Yeah, that's it?

Yeah, Brighton. Do you listen to the podcast? Are you just a TikToker?

No?

I love the podcast.

All right, how's things up?

Oh?

No, you go. My partner and I are. We went to Australia in twenty eighteen. We visited Kansa and Sydney.

Yeah, we sort of fell.

In love with it.

Would you ever come backcumstances?

Exactly? Hopefully, I mean hopefully we'll be able to get back at some point. But I'm in UNI now, Oh, my undergrad.

You're an honorary Australian.

I know.

I figured college isn't the right word because we normally just call it college.

What what are you studying?

Music education? I want to be a music teacher.

Oh, I love that she loves it. So there you got.

Where about My whole family's in music?

And oh where in California?

Are you?

Central California? Not quite La, but not quite San Francisco.

We're sort of like right in the middle Sacramento, Sacramento.

No, south of that, it's called Bakersfield.

You're in Napa? Are you of The fire is currently like I says, bad wildfire as as you would say.

We are not, but we're sort of like it in smoke, like at like noon outside it's like dark.

Oh god, that's what's like. Yeah, you walk into his house and Jesus like, I'm not like a pork smokery. Everything's just smoke. Everyone anyway, Braden, what a pleasure. Thank you so much for listening. Spread it to as many as many Americans as you can. Let's get the word out there.

Oh I will, I absolutely will.

I love you guys, love you too, right, and thank you for listening.

Well, thanks for answering.

That's fine. That delay is very talk back, isn't it just to have the sort of pause. Yeah, no, it's all good. Thank you for calling, buddy, We appreciate it. We'll see you on the socials.

Thanks, bye bye.

Great question about California. Yeah, sorry, he would have got a kick out of a guy. He would have loved it. He would have loved it. He would have loved that. He's not in the fires. He's not emotional at the moment.

Is it just me?

Okay, Doug? And finally, this is from episode one hundred and four. We're going back to Graham Gilbert because, like I keep saying, it's very, very prone to prank calls, and we actually managed to get through and do one ourselves, which was a bit of fun.

You know, if I was Graham Gilbert, I'd lean into the fact. I mean, people work for years without building a brand. He's got a brand. Yes, it is being the butt of the joke and being the idiot, but take it Graham take the rank calls while people still think you're relevant, you know, because once that goes, you're done.

Like, take inspiration from the John Laws Pike's nursery thing. Just roll with it. It's gold. Don't get all uppity and cranky. He got very pissed off when this caller came through and let some dirty words slip on air. Yeah, so talk back teams is where we bring you some of the cook shit that we hear on talkback radio. Because it's it's live, it's dangerous. You get see these quirky old callers calling through to those places. Then do you remember back in episode fifteen said we're going back

India, yep, India.

Every question he asked, every single question he asked, they would answer with India just to piss him off.

Which Australian gymnast one Commonwealth Games gold in nineteen ninety for his performance on the pommel horse India.

Are you Marcus grow up whatever? Yeah, grow up? Good on you boys are going to be one of those nights, Robert Good evening, Hello Graham, how are you not too bad? You'll have a sensible answer, aren't.

You step on a phone?

Oh?

And please, no more please?

That was in our show opener for a while, and that was iconic to I have you ever heard a more defeated man?

How please?

I know?

No, God, you never think about talk back that. I don't think we've ever addressed. Like these guys. They have to time out to the hour for the half hour for the news, so they sometimes have to feel minutes of audio of dead air just to make it out to the news break. So you just the ship you have to come up with. It's a tough job.

But although it's not that hard to get through to Graham show. So that's why so many prank callers slip through the crack. He does like we tried it once, room. He didn't even vet us. He just put us on air straight to it, didn't even ask our name off air. Yeah, So he's quite used to prank calls at this point, and he's got quite a short fuse when it comes to being on the receiving end. So he was asking his listeners about salt water in the ocean, and what

Oh you think it's a dot Wigan scenario.

It is very dot Wiggans. You can just tell by the voice that it's not a real person.

Okay, here it is.

And the salt in the sea eleanor is it.

The saltiness of the ocean?

Yes, my grandson told me.

Can get up on the internet, all right, because of all the streamen?

Is that your answer?

All the streamen in the ocean makes them salty?

Thirteen twelve sixty nine.

We will totally ignore that answer, okay, because I just wish these people wouldn't phone up and put on body voices. Alrighty, they think they're going to get away with it, but please, do we need to say it one more time?

We do take all of your numbers. And is an offense? Okay? Is an offense to Communications Act?

Shut up, horse, I just don't think that's true, Jana. Can you look up the Communications Act? It's even an offense to prank call someone? Because I really don't think it is. We do it all the time.

I have to do radio codes once a year, and no, you can call us having no legal binding, right, I can do whatever they want.

It's just so easy and so fun to get through. And I just love his overreaction, like, oh please, we'll just totally ignore that. I have another example.

Yeah, well, Graham, right.

Now, it's not Graham. This is a show in Melbourne on three a W. And they were on the receiving end of a filthy prank call and their reaction, Oh my god, they overreacted so much. It's like, oh, laugh a little darling.

Oh they were angry.

Oh they were furious.

Okay, So this is a three a W in Melbourne.

Night Lion with Bruce Mansfield and Philip Brady on twelve seventy eight, three a W Newport.

Toby is at Newport.

Hello Toby, Hi Bruce, Phil Yes, Toby, how are you cool? Good?

Thanks?

I have a joke. Yes, what's the funniest smelling thing in the whole wild world?

The funniest smelling thing in the whole wide world.

Perhaps your nose horns an anchovy cunt?

What a pity, Toby, Never call us again. Play never in your life even think about it.

And think we've dumped your Toby, but there are people like Carmen and Queenie online and could hear that in the ear.

And we heard it, and Simon heard it, So you're ruined it for all of us. Toby.

If you've ever thinking of tuning in again, just don't get a life and Toby, grow up.

Grow up. Carmen and Queenie, I found an answer to the communications.

So threatening to kill or cause serious harm to someone is considered a criminal offense.

Of course, Oh my god, Jenna, do you think we didn't know that.

Even that's a brand new information.

Drowning a human will send you to prison. Oh good to know.

No behead your mother in law, or even threatening to do so.

Even if the prankster doesn't threaten their victim, repeated calls can amount to harassment, stalking, or bullying. So that person wasn't doing committing an offense.

God, that call was who they were so upset?

Do you love how as soon as he said an anchover's c word, you just heard the hosts in the background be like, yeah, like turning all the buttons of.

God, that's so funny, good joke. So I'd have heard that one before that's fresh good.

Well, yeah, I was going to suggest that we get dot Wiggins. You're eighty year old, ninety year old, I can't remember how old she is, your alter ego, the old lady that comes out to play every now and then, Because we haven't heard from dotting a bit, no I miss her. I was going to suggest that we call a station and try and get through. But if it's repeated prank call, that's like maybe that is we'd have

We could call an FM station.

Oh that would be way harder if it's an FM music station.

Yeah.

True, but you have to call and basically use a dirty word and see if they even notice. Oh, like slip, because you know how she said the streamana in the ocean that was like a double what's the word? Yeah, because she was referring to men of the sea, men at sea, which is the men, but she tied it in with the saltingness, so it's actually dirty. So we need like a hidden meaning.

What if I talk about the fact that my pussy won't stop itching and I think she might have mine that's not even life. Yeah, smaller than lies, like.

Words that sound dirty.

Beaver, be fever, Oh, beaver's good.

I don't think we even have beavers in Australia though, so that's too obvious.

No, we don't. Maybe I can just say that I've got suddenly I've been I'm fascinated with beavers. And it's very late in life because I haven't normally been interested in beavers. But I watched something on Telly.

What about the word rump?

Now I want more vogele like it needs to be like I could say, whole, like a butthole, like Fanny Fanny flange. What's flange?

Ma?

Oh my god?

Flaps?

Oh flaps is good?

Hi, I'm calling them having issue with my flat. What could you actually be talking about? Obviously not your badge.

When i'd flaps on, I've got a four wheel drive.

Oh yeah, flaps are just no matter how much I clean them, they have it in grime and grunt.

And it stinks. Let's go with flaps. Oh my god, I like flaps.

I've heard otherwise about you. What about like we're using flaps, but you're actually talking about flapper jacks like the pancakes, you're like, when I come home, my my husband loves to nore on flaps. But I'm just having some trouble. The flaps are too dry.

Oh yeah, flaper jacks. Is that too much of a life. Also, don't think it's flapperjacks. I think you're mispronouncing that. I think it's flapjacks. Oh whatever, you upset the Canadian. Yeah, flap jacks.

Like you, you have this whole narrative that you like to cook your husband pancakes when it comes home from work every day, but you're having problems with the flaps.

The flaps.

Yeah, okay, I like that that work, and there's nothing more he enjoys more after a hard day at work than my flaps, some moist flaps.

Yeah, and what I just start with them having some meritable problems and then because I don't want to lead with the flaps, because that'll that'll be a red flap, maybe red fla.

Maybe when you speak to the producer or whatever, you say you've got a cooking question. Yeah, on who's even on it?

I'm looking now who's on air?

Oh okay, so same station is Graham and John Laws, Brent Bultitude. Oh yeah, I don't think he'd be hard to get through too.

What's the number?

Let's try thirteen twelve sixty nine famously.

Oh yeah, of course, all right, let's call shit, don't get me.

Yes seper radio and it work.

Who's calling me me?

Sorry?

You're talking to me?

That me?

No?

No, no, certainly not dot d dot Yeah, if you do, Brent A bit o g. I've been with my beloved husband four years and having meritable issues and I just wanted to see to stick it through. Or is it too late in life to throw away?

It won't be long?

Hold on, make the payments. You've got serious problems, absolutely serious problems ahead of you. Brian is next time?

Brian?

There we go?

How are you?

Brian?

How's the left eye?

The left eyes? Find it's the right eye that had caused me all the problems.

His name?

What's this guy's name?

Brent?

The hostess branch?

It just confidently call him Kent.

And I quite order.

He does, mate, I'm quite frank. Hurry up?

What's this?

What's the call? His name again? Brian or something?

Brian?

Phil?

Come on, Brian?

Boring?

Sorry, work out here on the campaign right? I love the head and make you knew how you go.

You can't let anybody know that, Kenny, he's gonna You've got to carry look at good Thank you for you God?

Oh oh yes, sorry sorry Trance. Do you have conjunctivitis?

Do you?

No?

No?

No, I wish I did because I could get over that.

What you gonna?

What do you have in your eye?

I had a detached in my right eye?

Oh, this is awful. Milk.

Milk will fix this.

Side fix milk will fix it.

Skim milk, yes, skim milk. And you put it in, No said you put it?

You put it in a shop milkul fix attachment?

You put it in?

How can I help you?

Don't?

What would you like to say?

Well, the cap of the milk and you put your eye and you roll your right back anyway. I look, I'm not having a maritable problem. But I've been with my daughter's husband, Brian for forty forty forty five years, and I'll cook him dinner every night. He's seems to enjoy it, and it seems to enjoy tea and make him sweets and make him food and make him savory food, and he mostly seems to enjoy my My flaps the

Let's take a break.

If it's.

We're go on, I think they hung up when you don't hung up on me.

Let's take a break.

Oh my god.

Oh he didn't want to borrow it.

No, I think you weren't subtle enough.

I really didn't weave it meant to be. I cook him a beautiful stack of flaps.

Like you know, it could be something else.

When he got to black my dry flaps, I got distracted by the eye, you know what. I felt bad because the poor bus it has a detached retina. And then he I am being a bastard to him and I called him Trent.

Isn't just me?

You should follow these idiots online. Search a couple of mitches.

There we go the best bits of talkback things. And we were saying a couple of weeks ago, Mitch that when we come back to season five, we've already got stuff ready to go. There's been some cook talkback shit happening over the summer.

Oh god, yeah, And there was something that happened on FM Radio. I mentioned it in the Last Best Bits that we've been plagiarized, and I've got it and we will will unpack it. You haven't heard it yet, Mitch.

But no, you didn't mention it was the FM radio. I don't know if that counts as that talk back.

I'll pitch it to you and it could be a first you know, season five for God. So if they can change things up, we can shake things out. But oh, that's my doorbell. Oh oh fuck, it's the open house. I have an open house in a minute now, an open house, and I think that's a real estate agent. Oh no, do you think this will up the value? Actually, Mitch, can you just sit here and smile and I'm just gonna put the webcam on full screen and then if people see you, they might bid more. It might make

No, I'm not showing my tits to these random inspectors or whatever you call them.

I better go what do you call them?

Can I just say, by the way, it's very fitting that this has happened because next week, our Final Best Bits episode, we're doing all the times that we've fucked with sound you know, we love a sound effect, we love creating our own sounds and such. And one of the segments that made it into the Best Bits, you'd be surprised was top five Doorbells not Switches. I shit can't.

At the time, I said, that's a terrible idea, but it's made the Best Bits, so go see. Okay, that's next week. I've got to go sell my house. Love you guys, thanks for listening. We're back live with season five very soon. Another Best Bitch next week, see you, Mitchell. I'll talk to you then with the inspection. By the way, good to storbell.

From you too.

Yeah, thank you so much Amazon.

Catch you at It's fake?

Is it just me?

A podcast by a couple of mitches.

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