#4: Swallowing Ruins The Day

People do some weird ship.

This is it.

This is a big one.

This is not the girls, this one. Some things make more sense than the other.

Whimsy lowhand in the face after trying to take a boy away from a mother.

You're a good little boy. I won't leave enjoyed.

Bil.

Please yourself for observations you didn't ask for. That's the line. I see it quite clearly.

Well, get new glasses.

Just couple of mitches.

One Mitch is clearly better than the other one.

Now here is Mixturie and Mitchell Ko. Here we go.

Welcome back, Hello, well, welcome back to You can't say the same for producer Jenna.

No, she's violently ill.

Should we take it personally that we're only four shows in and she's already like nah?

C be.

Pregnancies are hard on people.

Listen. I know that coving bit chicken is your thing and you get a saw throw, but today it's me that's struggling with my voice.

What's happened?

First thing, when I woke up, I swallowed something that I really could have done without.

Oh really, you had the date this morning.

I knew you were going to take it there, No, listen, I swallowed something that ought not be swallowed mouthwash.

Oh that's the worst.

It was the worst. I've never had done it before, and I'll tell you not any mush to do it again.

That can ruin. How did you do it with your gargling and it slipped through?

I don't know, I don't know. I do this every day and it happened. You know what else I did? It was a very dramatic start to the day. Here's two things that you shouldn't attempt to do at the same time. Blow your nose while cleaning your teeth everywhere.

How would that feel with your hands, your right hands brushing.

No, I stopped brushing, so I just had a foamy man. No, and just picture it all over the mirror. Between that and literally guzzling mouthwash, I've had quite an eventful.

Four in the morning. Oh god, yeah, we have a big show here. I am.

I'm a trooper and you're give me a smile. No, come on, no, I am not your puppet.

Okay. I was just gonna say, you have a lovely smile.

Thank you.

That's fine. We have a lovely show too. I want to tell the people we got played well.

I know you're going to be happy about this one another comming bit chicken. This will cheer me. I love making a fool of you.

I need to make a full of you because I know we're getting rave reviews on this bit so good. People are liking it. A lot of people are calling it cringe.

Yeah that's the word that I hear most often. Cringe in a good way. Yeah, yeah, as in like it's so awkward that they can't actually stand it. But what it is is a challenge where you coughed to someone on the phone and see how long it takes them to hang up.

And I don't know who it is.

Yeah, I can promise you that be someone that you don't know, unless it's just a massive coincidence. Okay, so this person might not be some understanding Okay, we'll see.

Speaking of I am, I'm not so understanding because this show is it just me? Yes, I thought the name was creative. When we came up with it, we were fools. We didn't search to see if there were any competition.

Yeah.

First, we accidentally ripped off Chris this One's autobiography, and a lot of people after we launched our podcast pointed out to us that we are not the only people with this name. But I believe you've been sussing out the competition.

I've been searching. There's at least four other podcasts that have the name. Is it just me? One of them is above us in the ranking?

So what I've done? Second?

Yeah, we're second, We're second?

How do we pull that off?

The ratings talk they tell a different stories. So I've got some audio from all the different shows. I've got the description. I've listened through hours of terrible order.

I'm jumping on listen. I've not heard any of this, but I have come up with a way that will guarantee we will come out on top. Okay, we're an it DYM not to be missed.

All right, that's later in the show. Let's start the show though, the same way we do every week. It's the backbone, it's the spine, it's the heart of it.

Just me.

They are what I fondly refer to as igems.

I'm still not on board, even though I catch myself doing it all the time. I literally just it.

It just me.

We have one each and we don't know what it's going to be. Would you like to go first?

Yeah, let's start off.

You gay.

Is it just me?

Am I the only person that when at computer application crashes, I actually write out a full report.

Oh, when I give you the opportion to do it like a report thing?

Yes, what is it again?

An area exactly?

But I have been doing this for years. I've been filling it out. I've been writing pages, writing paragraph.

You go in detail, yes, all the time? Do you greet them hello?

Sometimes I go hi? Or sometimes I'll be mad, like sometimes when I complain about my uber eats, I'm furious and I just get straight to the point avocado, I'm allergic. But other times, like this, I'll go hi. It crashed when I when I had ten tabs open, and I go into full detail. Until my sister was with me on my computer over the weekend and was like, what are you doing?

No, I don't think I've ever done this. How long are we talking? Are you talking? Like? Full on says, what do you say?

I'm not being dramatic, but say, for example, I'm on my computer and then you know, out of the middle of where you get a lovely little ding sort of just takes your break.

It's not a lovely ding, it's a done.

Yes, that's what I have a Mac, but that's the Windows version. And then sometimes you get a bit aggressive and you keep kicking it.

Control a delete bitch, that's what you're gonna do.

I just offer right. It says, please help us, like, of course I'll help. So I type it in and I go app crashed, had too many tabs over and then I tried to ope in Spotify. Then I had the search tab, and then I had YouTube. This is the fourth time it's happened. Thanks Mitch, send it off. Really yeah all the time.

See, I think because of my abandonment issues, I did be offended. They don't get back to me. Did I ever get back to you? Yeah? No never, that's the thing. Why bother did it ever fix the problem?

No?

No, it has never continuously happens.

You're a serial time was.

You're only thing?

Too?

Is it just me?

A podcast by a couple of midges.

But then again, I'm a sucker for feedback. Like I went to Ikea and I walked out got a hot dog one dollar dis great those things really yeah really cheap. Really it's probably hoarse.

I just I'm definitely afraid of I care in general, like really stay away.

I love the stuff love it's some architecture.

No, it's too busy to people of the parking earth.

Ye, there's a lot going on. But when you walk out, there's like a it's very futuristic, very Scandinavian. That poor girl, what's the name, Greta Thunberger. I love it.

This.

It's just this white device with a with like a bright red angry face, then like a yellow face, and then a happy neutral blue and then a green and it just you just rape them. You just tap it as you walk out.

Oh, you just punched the face that you think resonates with you best.

And they're big and they're soft and they're squishy. It's so Scandinavian and I just go just give them good feedback.

So wait, but this is the computer errors that only happens when it's negative feedback. You're not a fuck of a feedback when it's positive.

No, I'm never rude. I'm never rude. And my photo shop crashed, fix it, but have a nice day. I'm doing my granddaughter's invitation to a wedding and it's crashed. My comic Sands was at seventy two and I don't know how to get it back anyway.

Let's get into my eth just me, shall we?

Is it just me?

Is introducing your date to your mates the most daunting thing ever?

Yeah? Oh god, I couldn't agree more.

I've only gone through this recently. As you know, I'm seeing someone at the moment and he says to me, I'd really like to meet your friends, and I thought, oh shit, because the last time this happened was like nearly a year ago that I introduced this guy I was seeing to my friends and I never saw him again.

I didn't get to meet this guy.

No, I only introduced him to two of my friends. His name is Blake. Funnily enough, the current guy's name is also Apparently I have a type. Yes, So the other Blake he met my friends and I never saw him again. And so when new Blake says I'd like to meet your friends, I was like, oh fuck me. History is about to repeat itself. Love my friends dearly, wouldn't trade them for anyone or anything, but god, we're just too bizarre for some people to process.

You're alive. They see you can admind one of the friends, and it is a lot.

It's my date, and I was reluctant to introduce you to my friends. Yeah, god, we're just so foul.

I was at your house on the other night for oh god knows what we were doing there, but one of your friends was talking to herself in a handheld mirror for twenty minutes.

You don't think that's money, Well, I mean now I do.

I'm now knowing her. But for an outsider looking in, that is some real asylum shit.

But anyway, I agreed for this to happen. We rock up to the house, I've got some friends waiting. I think you'd be on your best fricking behavior to the friends.

Yes, yep.

I was like, if you repulse another man, I'm going to have to make some rearrangements when it comes to my friend's circles. I walk in with old mate, and what should my friends be doing but flicking through my creative cursing generator.

What's that?

Well, I've got it here for you actually, so I'm going to hand it over to you. People listening. Picture a calendar hanging on a wall that's been cut in half. There's a word on the left and a word on the right, depending on what page you turned to on each side, it generates a different curse. Word, So open open a random page on the left. Mitchell, Yep, what do you got?

I got wiener?

And now open a random page on the right, ween a twister. There we go. Can you talk into the mic place anyway?

Ween a twister?

Do another one?

Dildo rag?

So anyway, I walk in with this man that I'm potentially trying to impress, and there are my friends going bum faith Willie Knuckle, and I was like, for fuck's sake, was he into it? It was a bit much, as you can imagine, at first, but he was into it after a while. After a while he was like, flop biscuit, there's really dumb insults in here. Ready turning on the left, fanny nuggets.

Rather not, I'll pass as you're gonna take him to your next family event. He's going to think they're involved. He's like, love would have meet you? Would? Sucker? Like, no, you can follow the show online.

Just search a couple of miches.

If you don't, you're a tickhead. Now I actually have met him. We met on the phone, right, Well, that's not meeting, but it's a conversation. We had a good, in depth, at length conversation. Yeah. So, and I'm arguably a close friend of yours and business partner. So how did that go?

Can I actually tell you? And I'm not making this up. The first thing he said to me after getting off the phone from you, yeah, Well it wasn't even a word. The first sound he made was oh, no, because you were showing off. I was.

I was really impressing for you.

Well he was just like, whoa, that was exhausting.

Well, I was driving through traffic and I was exhausted.

An introvert like me, So when you're showing off and being a lot, it can be positively draining.

Well he gave it back to be fair, really keep up?

Yeah he did. Then he had to have a lie down, wrecked him.

Speaking nobody lie downs. I had to have one of these. I'm still recovering from coughing Fit Chicken.

Oh yes, back in episode one we did coughing bit Chicken, we did ben Fordham, and it's time for another one. Let's do it now, It's time for another round of coughing Fit Chicken.

You know, I have a feeling this segment is going to become like a bottle of red wine.

What do you mean?

Well, I feel like every time I cough at home for a completely normal reason. Dust will fall off my ceiling fan or inhale some two minute noodle fluff.

And that the worst.

And I know it isn't It happens more than you'd expect, and I'll go So I think the longer we do this, the worse my perpetual death cough is going to get.

For anyone who hasn't heard this segment, coughing fit Chicken, we've only done it once before episode one. Ben Fordham from two GB in Channel nine, we called him and you coughed to him on the phone for two minutes and six seconds.

I set the very high.

It's a game of who hangs up first. He hung up. I honestly thought you were going to chicken out, and today I think you're going to be the chicken.

Well, you know, it depends on the situation. For very nice, I freak out. But we Ben, we know him, so I sort of thought, you know what, I'll make it as cringe as possible and I can call him after Well, I.

Can guarantee today you will not know this person. Because I know how much you liked to be liked. I made sure that it was someone that you were very unlikely to run into in real life as well.

Oh who are ringing?

Well, Mitchell, I'm.

Glad you asked.

Today you will be calling a library in the small Western Australian town of Bustleton.

Where did you get that from?

I don't know. I just googled small towns in Western Australia and I'm.

Like, it's like a fake nagbe is that where else's from?

It sounds like a suburb that you made up?

It does it? Does?

Oh?

Shit? Okay, send me the number.

Yeah, you're just going to make some sort of inquiry. I'll leave that up to you.

Okay, book, I'm a book, do a book.

I'm here with the Stopwatch and I've only got one point to give. It'll either go to the call up or another point to you.

And I'm already on one point.

Yeah, because Ben hung up.

Surprising, gross prising. Okay, I'm dialing it.

I reckon it's going to be you that today.

If she's a sixty year old librarian, I could just picture her glasses on the tip of her nose almost falling off he.

Library.

Good afternoon to speaking.

Good afternoon, Hey, very quickly, I'm after a very specific book. I'm wondering if you could help me find it.

Okay, yes, do you know the title or the author?

Yes, I don't know. I don't know the author, but I'm pretty sure the title is Dragonology. It's it's a book I have when I was a kid.

Okay, sorry, sorry, I'm back.

Okay, Oh, I like you might need some water?

Get some sorry?

Is it.

Dragonology? The Complete Book of Dragons?

Oh? Yeah, I don't want all of them, every single.

Okay, Okay, bustlet and doesn't have a copy that. There's a number of other libraries that do.

Anyone's near near, Sorry to get away from the phone. If you don't have it. What about what about del to request?

Oh yes, we've got a number of those books. Yeah, so we're like, we're linked with many other books in the Southwest. So books that we don't actually have, we can just order from another library and have it sent here within a few days.

Yeah, well, i'll take I'll take if I could get sorry, I can feel it, cake, god's the fog. I'll take the request.

Do you want to do you want to just go get a drink of water? Yeah, yeah, go do that.

I don't know what to do.

You didn't even make two minutes Mitchell, Oh no, well, I guess that point goes to the call and my friend we the chicken this time she was so I knew it was going to happen. Did you think of dragonology? Why was that front of mine for you?

I have no idea. I loved him as a kid.

I'm more of a paratology maymmoiselle.

I'm not surprised about you. Oh she was beautiful. What a lovely lady.

Do you need water? Yeah?

I think I do.

You're listening to Is it just me?

Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review on your podcast app.

You can't think of anything nice to say, Just hit five stars and tell them why you'd rather be buried or chrometis all right?

Now?

Before we go, I believe you've been sussing out the competition.

Well I can't really call them competition. Let's be real.

Well, they just happened to have our namesake, and in all fantasy, they were their first.

Yeah, they were, a lot of people have pointed out to us that is it just me? This podcast that we're making isn't the only one on the iTunes store with that name.

I'm now telling people to search couple of mitches because we are the only people that come up when you search that.

The problem is there's at least one, two, three, four other is it just me podcasts?

So I've been told one of which.

Comes up before us. They're beating us in the ranking.

This seems to bother you.

It doesn't pisces me off.

I just I don't. I'm not bothered by it because it's actually not that creative. Let's be real. In fact, you know Tanya Hannathy, Yes, she does radio, viral videos, all sorts of stuff. She I was talking to her about this podcast. It's chatting to her about the idea and what we were doing before we launched, and she says, oh, for God's sake, I was gonna call my podcast that because she was working on something as well.

She can just stick to serials. Have so manybody project's happening, let us have it. I have been I have like an hour drive after my show at night finishes, and I always listen to podcasts, So I've listened to every other Is it just me? Oh God, Okay, I've found some things I'd like to start with.

You're not going to ship can the money.

No, I'm not gonna ship can them? No, And I don't want anyone to give any negative I feel like that's.

Actually well, are you just going to point out everything that they've done well? Because it's going to make me feel insecure? Do I point out what their strengths are?

I want to see what they're doing differently. You know Coles look at Woolworth's and it inspires them.

I'll go in with an open mind.

Great, this will inspire us. This is the first Is it just me? Which is above uf?

I'm getting this one comes up in first play?

Yeah, it sure does. Great logo too, Is it just me? Joe Elvin and James Williams the team who brought you gleamor Hey it's okay? Oh yeah that was great? Be a bit about no, no, no no. They bring you the funniest, weirdest, and most pressing dilemmas from social media to mental health to bra washing.

So there you go. Well that's the niche that we shan't be exploring.

Bra washing Definitely, it's just them. I've got some moredo, I've got a taste. You're ready to hear?

Go for it?

Hello everybody, and welcome to another episode of Is It Just Me? The podcast basically is just me and my lovely co host Joe Elvin.

Am I lovely? Never said You've had a tough commute to get here, so I've got a cough.

I know.

I'm sorry.

James Willis the other host.

I always let's just pause it there for a second. They've already in my bit.

Yes, I would never call you my lovely co host. No, actually, in the opener today you said the word lovely.

Oh my god, I did. We're turning into them, you are morphing into them subconsciously.

First we feel their name, and now we're feeling their bloody adjectives.

I don't want people thinking we stole the cough from them. She just has some sort of illness. She's just under the weather. She's not doing it as content, not a fact. She's just sick.

We'll carry it water, thank you. She's so down to her today. We love her already. I'm going to give you a big into. Sorry.

Yeah, you've ruined the podcast.

Yeah it's all gone now.

Yeah.

Anyway, as you know, everyone, it is your weekly fix where we give you know, the very silly, stupid stuff in life that do you gravitas we feel it deserves. So we're going to go on to discuss some very serious top but as ever, we are joined by a third wheel.

I have to stop it there, the Duke gravitas, we feel it deserves. That is the most eloquent thing I've ever heard.

Yeah, they're already beating us.

I'm going to change our description to the gravitas we think of. Oh that is great.

Now the problem is I'm going to make it worse for myself. You are going to want to join this team after you hear who they are.

I already feel really insecure.

Yeah, they're very good. Yeah, and they're offering very different things.

Yeah.

Their guest, I think will make you the most jealous you've ever been in your life. I think if I came to I know, but just sshoe wait you ready?

Yeah, here we are.

And they don't come much bigger than this wheel. She's quite frankly, a titan of the pop world.

What a wheel?

What a wheel?

We have?

Hell of a wheel.

She's sold forty million records worldwide. She's pretty much one of our biggest pop exports. And we can't quite believe she's actually agreed to do this podcast this week, we are delighted she's back after a break of six years since our last album and I think fifteen years.

Into the Lasting.

Long Also, don't worry, you can't get out. Next two days, we are delighted to welcome to the podcast.

That was quite the welcome. It was turning out that was, oh my god, no, no, we have bloody Dito on our shot.

You can't even keep producer Jennifer one shot?

My god, so true.

All right, So that's that's Is it just me Number one? Argively a better shot?

And so they're the one ahead of us the name Yeah, okay, and I'm not I'm not actually mad about that. They deserve to be there.

They have they are, I will add, though, behind us in the rankings. They've got four point five stars and we have five.

Oh how many reviews have they got?

They've got half than we do. They got twenty five, we've got forty five.

Oh so surprised because they are quite blatantly.

Better than I know.

Now.

Tone changes when you hear is it just me number two?

Okay? What's the call?

Is it just me one? The Brits?

Okay, smart, you've got the album covers? This is the black and white one.

Yeah, black and white one. It's I'll screaming into a microphone. Oh that's the mood, as if he's just stubbed his toe. They just read the description.

No, I will not.

It's been going since twenty seventeen. It's got one star and one writing. The writing is terrible. Oh yeah, that's that's what it says.

That's okay, let's not kick them while they're down.

Go on, I point out what's wrong, and I want to know if only I feel this way?

Is that the review?

No, that is the description of the podcast. Oh yeah, and look I don't hate it.

Here it is time five seconds and now it's time for me to fox some shit up. What's up everybody.

It's been a while and.

It's September second? Should I put the dates on the fuck it?

September second, twenty seventeen?

Mm?

How the hell are you?

Well, you know, just because you say what date it is, that doesn't mean that actually verifies what date it is. Hey, check it out, everybody, It's August fourteenth, twenty eleven.

He's wasted.

How the fuck are you?

Oh?

And now, depending on what time you tuned in, you have no fucking idea when I recorded this, it's only one of these two days or a third anyways, Yeah, I'm fucking mad. So I thought I just turned the microphone on. I just got a couple of things built up there.

Okay, So I just went on for an hour and a half at that pace.

Do you know what, I don't hate it? Next week, Let's experiment instead of writing down things that we notice or that piece us off, and then we come back and talk to each other about it in the heat of the moment, let's just whip out the iPhone voice memo and go right, listen the fuck here random, and then we play it to each other and discuss.

All right, challenge, Let's.

Experiment next week with that. Because he just sounds like he just thought of that out of no. He just rolls out of bed and goes right, I mean, and I'm angry. Off we go, bitch.

I did listen for a bit long.

Guy.

I listened to episode two as well, and he had some good points.

Do you ever get hassled by the hygienist at the dentist's office?

So I think before after you have no idea, But that's that's the point. He was making say that is just you.

Yeah, I think it is awful.

God, let's move on to the next one. This one is sorry, I am You're like, all right?

Next one? God, I mean I know I wanted you to get out of Radio moben fuck name the basic.

Sorry this podcast one star rating as well, twenty eighteen to twenty nineteen.

You keep pointing that out.

They've seemingly quit. They've seemingly given up. Haven't had an episode for a year.

Oh, that's been a nice abstract pink They do like it.

Sean, Lou and Joel, three longtime friends, discussing life, love, and all the consequent God, I can't even speak.

Yeah, well, you're having a stroke.

In consequential things in between while dropping casual shade and pretending to know how to podcast, They're open from the get go. Problem is Episode one couldn't even get the name right.

Welcome to It's not Joseph Me.

Are you kidding? They got it? It's not just for me? Episode one, Welcome to It's not Joseph Me.

Okay, I'm taking notes of what we can learn from listening to these other podcasts. We get the name wrong, all right, guys, Welcome to another episode of do You reckon here again?

Sure we are not the only one. What does some other options visitors meet in case together?

There aren't many?

No, ok I admit it, admit it.

There we go. I thought we should call it.

Admit it.

I think you're right. That's all we need to hear on that one.

Okay, all right, moving on, so we need to do good.

Final one was released last week. Bullshit, very similar launch date to us.

Does that make her newer than us?

No?

Newer than us?

Wow? Okay, we've started a trend.

Hold on. She launched on the twenty ninth of September.

When you were, when you are?

Yeah, this is Kaitlin West, high production quality. Really not as many of our ratings as us, because you know, she's only new and obviously isn't coming off the back of other successful podcasts.

Okay, this is.

Episode one that sets up the show safe to say.

Oh, she's pretty, She's got herself on the cover.

It looks like Tandy Phoenix's.

Like Nola Haifner, she used to be that chick that was on Channel seven.

Never mind, looks like who's the one that got a rested for driving Paulinie? Anyway, this is Paulinie's Wise Words of Wisdom.

Hey guys, and welcome to Is It Just Me? The Safe Space podcast where we discuss being human and connect over stuff that makes us feel alone. Every episode will tackle validating the human experience to show you just how awesome scene and not alone you really are.

My name is Kaylin West. All right, let's do this thing. Very promising, right, Yeah, I think she's taking a really mature approach to the concept.

Yeah.

What I've got to say, all these podcasts have listened to the angle that they're coming at it from, whether it be wellness or anger. They seem more passionate than we are.

Well, you're not wrong, and like what, Caitlin's very holistic takes it from a really wholesome point of view until you get about halfway through the podcast and her her strategies. Yeah, her igems, as I like to call them, start to become clear.

Talk to yourself.

I know it sounds bananas whatever, Who cares if it does?

I know, but it's one incredibly effective way to figure out exactly what's going on on the inside of you.

No, I think that makes perfect sense.

Are you're kidding?

And she's completely correct? It does sound bananas, but I see what she's trying to say. I think that's a good point. I'm gonna bloody subscribe to this.

I need some of that.

Caylen is it Kayleb, Well it's Kalen West, Kaylin West. I need some of that in my life. Wow.

We do have to say if you go and search these podcasts.

This is what I'm saying. So I said to you, we can't bring them. We can't play these podcasts on ours and then slag them off course, of course, albeit we do want it to be known that we are the superior is it just me? Podcast? And so I mentioned that we have a way that we're going to come out on top, but it is not an evil way. So our method it would like everyone listening right now to kill them with kindness.

That's right.

A lot of them don't have as many reviews as are because they probably don't beg as heavily as we do. We have like seventeen sweep as a show asking for people to leave reviews.

Ever someone does, we repost it on an instant story exactly.

By the way, if you haven't left a review yet, it actually is valuable.

It is Please do it bumps us up? Yes, but we think go to their go to their podcast, yes, give them five stars.

Yes, But in the review you've got to mention us somehow, and it has to be in the air of positivity. So one thing you might say is, oh, I love this podcast, this is the best attempt at and is it just me since Mitch and Mitch Oh that's good. There we go. So you've got to compliment them, but promote us at the same time. That's your challenge.

And send us your reviews on Twitter the best one we've got a shout out next week or put on our socials. Can we do that?

You seem to have made up your mind, so I don't run social gain go for it. You've got the past of it. You can do that if you like. But I, yeah, I think that I don't want to slag these people off. No, because they're all very different. One of them is a wasted man just screaming into the void. One of them is this holistic woman who clearly seems to have it all together and wants to tell everyone else how they two can have it together. We're just fucked.

We have no credibility at all. No, and the second ones, beautiful British accent and they get.

Dieah yeah, god, they belong in the number one spot. I've got to say they do.

That made me really jealous.

But of course while you're in this spear of leaving view, you don't forget to leave us one. Yeah, we're about to get out of here, and thank you for listening to another edition of Is it just me great to have your company? As always?

Next week it's going to be huge. Can you tell them what we've got planned on that?

Okay, we can't tell them what we've got planned, but since Produce the Jenner isn't here, I'm going to say we do have a prank that involves her being out of her comfort zone and she doesn't know what it is because we've already done it.

Also, it really could make her career, but this could put her on the map, yes, as one of Australia's biggest media persons.

But because Jennery is quite a shy person, we know she's not going to like what we've done.

Would never do it ourself, No.

That's why we've had to go ahead and do it for her.

Well, thing's going to kill us as well.

Don't say anymore. She's going to be listening to this show for all the clues that she can get a hands on. But we shan't be saying anymore. All I'm saying is you're going to want to tune into episode vibe next week.

We'll be back. Leave a review. I don't know why, even the tenth social I do it every week, and I stumbled a couple of mitches, Yeah you.

Got it, but at a couple of mitches fail and Facebook at couple of mitches. We will see you there, all right.

I see you next week.

All right?

Bye?

Is it just me?

Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review on your podcast app. Okay, we're back.

This is the secret segment, people. I hope to god you haven't told anyone about this segment. It's a secret. We've made that clear. This is a d D brief. This is where Mitch and I give ourselves permission to let our how do you even describe, well, you let your hair down.

Literally, we give.

Ourselves permission to just talk shit, unstructured, unfiltered, because we both have a very short attention span and an inability to stay on track as far as focus goes, and so We just thought we'd set aside some time for that and keep the show as tangent free as we can, although that has not been achieved.

There's a tight knit show.

We go on tangents, though we really do anyway. So the rule of listening to this segment, because what we are is that everyone tunes out after the show finishes, and we've made it pretty clear that oh, bye bye, and then everyone just turns off their phone. If you're still here, it's your fault. The rule is that you can't leave a review, or rate us, or even recommend us by word of mouth based off this part of the show. This cannot sway your opinion.

What's the demilitarized zone. We'stion noble. Nothing happens here. It's just bad, dead gone.

I would say it's more appropriate to say we're Switzerland neutral. Yes, of course, mutual territory. We shan't be allowing hate in this space.

Couldn't agree more.

If you hate the show when Leadership reviews, so be it.

Has to be from the main content, though it can't be from what happens here.

Yes, because I've got nothing planning here to you. No, I've got nothing to say, absolutely nothing that's the.

Problem, though. We should talk about your boyfriend. Are we calling him boyfriend?

No?

What are we calling him?

I told you I'm just seeing someone, your poor thing. How long were you in Hayden dating before you weren't nothing?

And you actually, oh, there's a weird period, especially if someone's more into it than the other, like me like, oh my god, I'll see I'll see someone.

I like it.

We're married, I would marry someone in you are like that. Yeah, I'm very romantic.

I don't hate it because I want to smack a label on something asap. I'm like half quite happy cruising along. It's just when other people ask, like you've just done do we calling your boyfriend? I was like, no, we don't know.

I know what you mean. I it probably took maybe six weeks, eight weeks, Oh okay, but we were talking for maybe three or four before that, so before you met, yeah, before we met in person. Yeah, we were damning were.

My attention span? Even with the deck Sam better mean PILs it tag is not that big. Three weeks of talking as in by texting? Have you gotten the new iPhone update? Yeah?

Loved bits.

What's with the thing where you don't have to lift your finger to text anymore. Oh, this is like typing quicker and I'm will it.

I'll send you one now. Ready.

It's like drawing on your phone like you'd like you're scribbling a snapchat.

Okay, let's let's do it. You know what it looks like those you know people have Samsung galaxies, awful people, and they have their pass codes that are like a whole bunch of dots, and you've got to do it. Yeah, that's exactly what it's like.

It forms the power.

It is like me a message, you go, hi, Mitch, how are you? And try I'll do the exact.

Same, all right, Oh okay, well so far it's working.

I've just done it. You have to lift your finger for the space.

I fucking know, mate, I've had an update for a bit.

Oh we've done it.

Ah.

Oh I actually got it wrong. I wrote home, Mitch High.

You wrote high, Mitch High? Are you?

So?

What'sd I right?

Hi Mitch High? You and your fucking sound of it.

And not mine? Here we go. One came in. Oh, someone said, Mitch, it's so good to finally see you happy. The years of bitter, bitter, bitter resentment I've noticed in your eyes and your face its me final not me, which well they've tagged you. They're just happy to see you happy.

If this is your first time listening. To add brief, Madam fat Mitch over here thinks it's funny. I just go rogue on the sound effects board and just pretend that people are live tweeting, even though logistically it's not possible because we don't tell people when you're recording the show. And more to the point, even if they knew, hey, we're recording right now, they wouldn't be able to give feedback base of what we're saying because it isn't going live.

That's what we recorded. That's what you think I said it.

We precord the podcast, then we uploaded. It's like you can't live common on youtubeyes.

Who's live listening? Tracy Grimshaw? She is no, she said she loves it.

She wouldn't.

God, we send a lot of voice messages to each other. What it is just at random, let's try this is you talking to me?

I think we should make this coming chicken not a celebrity one. There we go a bit of work and didn't you fucking listen? Yeah, I did because I don't want to ruin all your celebrity contacts. Get go.

No, I have a feeling that not going to work. I think they're outdated. I tried to ring Sophie Monk the other day, went straight to message back, and I thought, ringing love that personal stuff. I'm at Love Island.

She's in Greece or some shit.

I tried to ding it the next day to kind again, so I think she got a new number.

She's still in Greece. The show is still on. But anyway, there's plenty of people in that phone book that we can What is that.

Back and forth? You and I talking? Let's just try I'm not doing this.

What did you say?

You get the juiced? You get the gift?

I probably didn't. Now I don't know what it was.

Do you know what?

It's funny because someone said to me, oh, do you and are you and much really good friends? And I'm like, we genuinely don't hang out because it's just too much work trying to fucking make plans. But we just voice the message because it's easiest way.

But when we do hang out, we get along. We get we get along very well.

I literally I think I've only hung out with you once. No, that's genuine. Every other time you've either bailed or I just haven't tried to make plans. You know, I don't want to.

It's not what I'm fake. I've just got so much going on, and I never communicate that with anyone else. It's all happening in my head, and I never tell anyone. That's a bad, bad trait.

But it's this, This is going back to common sense. Here, Hello, are you free at this time on this day? Pause, have a think about whether you are or not?

Then, But sometimes I am, and then sometimes things happen in between that.

See. Now we're just at a point where you'll be like, oh, you're hungry, we should get we should get dinner tonight. I just don't even I don't get even tempted to agree, because I know that you'll then be like, oh wait, I've got my great Agnes's birthday. Oh fuck, like you double book yourself because you suggest it?

Yeah I do. I'm just wat. It's not everyone to be friends with me.

I know.

It's actually one of your worst traits.

Wanting everyone to be friends.

No, just wanting to be liked by everyone is bad because then people end up not liking you when you end up being a fucking flake.

Yeah, to tell you what, a lot of people are right on my wall, my b.

See. Look, I'm just at the point where I've got a resting bitch face. Yeah, I've just come to accept the fact that I'm gonna be misread. There's people that aren't gonna like me based off first impression. I'm not gonna fucking like exhaust myself trying to make sure everyone loves me from the get go, because and then I just have no energy left. Because you're an extrovert, it's easy for you to put on a show and be all lovable and like friendly, whereas for me, I have

No, but I don't.

I literally don't have the energy to try and impress everyone. Yes, sometimes, and I don't care that much.

Yeah, you're right, See sometimes I do, but I do care. I know I have no energy, but I will go down and talk to everyone in this building because I love it.

It's very I can't even walk down the hallway with you because you just go oh oh, dear ba ah, do a juggling act for you. You don't stop until you get a laugh, and then you're like all right, satisfied. Deb loves me.

No, it's not it.

I just like, Tolly, how are you? And I'm just like, it's not that I dislike these people, but I just don't have the energy they talk to me. No, you invade everyone's personal space. Going back to episode one with you the way you treat me, I've got.

A comment on that. What so I'm not going to reveal what the poor thing has changed your name to him?

Its spicy Dot Clear.

Yes, that's that's spicy dot clip In episode one, I was revealing that I is it just me or always love talking to strangers making friends with strangers? I still do, always will Spicy Dot Clear compelled. I feel compelled to do it. Yes, Spicy dot Cleo has had to change her Instagram handle because she is getting hate from you listeners. You because you tongue in cheek. You flippantly said, oh, say Mitch made me do it, or Mitch told me to come here and say you've done.

You were given example to me about how you make friends with the hospitality staff. And there was this waitress, Cleo, who you became friends with, and then we gave out her Instagram name, and I said, I don't think you're actually friends. She didn't answer your call. I my point, and then I said, as a joke, everyone go find spicy dot Clear on Instagram and just message her. Oh my god, Mitch was talking shit about you on his podcast, but never give the podcast name, so that she's paranoid,

She's now mild Clear. It is so sad. She messaged me and I won't play it because I don't have her consent. But she's beautiful and Spanish, and I got a message from her going, miche is this you?

Did?

She voice messages?

Yeah, and she said is this you? And there's a screenshot of one of our fans and I want out this little brad either.

But he had give it to me. I want to see if I recognized them.

And then and then she was I can't bit it, can I Spicy Clear's messages?

No, give it?

Don't read all the private messages. Oh my god.

So she sent a screenshot of one of the messages that she received. Oh my god, what did you do to Mitch? He was talking you want this podcast? She goes, what, Mitch? What podcast? What did he say?

No reply?

Oh that's awful. I'm so sorry.

We apologize. Don't read out her new tandle because we did not want people go this guy.

He sent the message Connor legend, well done, committed to the gag even though I was kidding. Thank you, Connor.

Connor's just tweeted in, Oh, we blocked him, that's what we did.

So we didn't know I did. Wow, So you and Blake. Oh no, we're not going.

I just want to know what happens at day. It's like, what's the conversation. I want to set the scene. So you're at a dinner and he's shouted. He's gone, hey, comefort dinner. My shout. You've had a stressful week podcasting with Mitch and god knows he's exhausting. So I set up a friend restaurant. I've got some and I've organized. We're considering that. You've got your sexual health check back and it's all clear. I'm over the moon. I really like to indulge you in some French music. Take us.

God, can I tell you?

Yeah?

He plays jazz. He's into jazz.

So you walk into the house and then that's not jazz.

Well, so I've got type in take five.

Okay. I used to read the take five when I was on break at Cole's because it was not the magazine No no, but it was good. I don't have any take five.

It's a jazz song.

So hold on, I'll set the scene. So you're walking in. You take a seat in the living room. Yeah, take a seat and r in the living room.

Now is this what you is?

What you experience, crank it up. He's played this for you.

No, my sister used to play saxon, which she still does play saxophone. Really yeah, this is one of the only songs in the world that uses five four time. It's fun. Really yeah. You know how most songs are like one, turn it down a bit. You know how most songs are like one two three one. This one's like turn it back up two, three four five? Oh yeah a three four five. It fucked.

I used to apply at saxophone in primary call.

I can see that to some reason.

Yeah, the alto and yeah, and then they took it off me because I wasn't getting anywhere, and they're like, we only have the budget for three autos.

And imagine if I took the podcast off here because you're not getting.

Anywhere, you wouldn't have the right. Well I've made that call before, and everyone on Instagram was like, no.

I was going to say, I actually it's not that I have the right, but like, it is uploaded in my name, so I could just control a lot. Delete that shit.

Really yeah, get rid of the whole podcast.

I don't think you anthething. Honestly, do you know how to upload a podcast. Do you know what I did to upload this podcast Wushki and no Whushkashka. But that's just uploading it to Wushka. And then what do you have to do to get it from Ushka to Apple?

I'll have you know that I had a successful podcast that I ran. That podcast, I submitted it to Apple.

What did you submit to Apple?

The RSS feed?

Yeah? I love into Apple? You don't to Apple a podcast your podcast connect account? Yes, guess what podcast connect acount? It's in what mine?

So do you own this yep?

So you couldn't delete it if you wanted to. Well, not only can you not get onto Wushka, which is the first hurdle. You can't get onto my podcast connect account.

I know the password, you don't.

It's my personal account.

I know what it would be. What dexies capital d capital xy. You're thinking a year ahead? I love but either three be I L zero ve e J zero E hilde Brand, Yeah, studio ten ridiculousness, Loo, it's been a great show. Should we get out of here?

I feel like a very short aded debrief by our standards?

Yeah?

Does I have nothing else to sort of say? Do you know what I'm into? At the moment. Head massages. Really, I love the head massage. I'm doing it to myself right now.

Wow, you've your whole faith moves when you do that.

Yeah, I have a very loose scalp.

That.

Yeah, look what's this? Ready? The hairdresser says it's the sign of either being very very relaxed, which is not true, or I have a detached scalp.

Have a look, right, I think that one's more likely. Oh, that's really weird.

Does yours not do that?

You can, like, you can like fold his forehead and it comes like down near his eyebrows.

Ah, that's so weird to look at yours.

If I have to describe what I'm currently seeing, it's like when you put a gear stick and neutral and you can move it around. That is your sulter fucking out.

Well, I love head massages. Maybe that's why should we give a little teaser as to what's happening next week with General No, let's shut.

No, because she'll be listening. She'll be listening and digging for clues. Okay, I'm very keen though her and a big brother will be listening.

Yeah, I should say I'm very clean. Sorry keen handsling you do I no, no, no, I think it's time to go. That'll make sense next week.

It already makes sense that, yeah, it does.

Anyway, I did want to say, do you want to, very quickly before we go, try doing our show in the style that one of the other is. It just means does.

Their show in which one are we going with?

All right, well, maybe you could be the very angry man.

You'd be the angry man. I'll be the inspirational chick.

Okay, here we go. Should I start?

Yeah?

Cool, I don't have an open up, but I'll just play.

This is just well he has no sound effect whatsoever.

True.

He sort of just gets into it, doesn't it.

Okay, five fifty six hot out. There a lot to talk about, no fucking time to do it.

No one even listens ever, ever fucking listens to me. All I need to do is walk the dog. And when I walk the dog, what does she normally do at the bathroom or listen.

I know this sounds bananas, but you're drinking so much water in the day, and you cannot underestimate the health benefits. Like water is like one of a gift from Mother Nature, and it's so underappreciated and underutilized.

Look, I think it's time we announced a lovely, beautiful, magnificent, thuber, talented, down to earth, gracious, stunning co host Margaret Hey, Margaret that I've got only a week off now, fucking bit and here we are coffee. Imagine if they decided to listen to us ridiculous. All right, let's go, and now that we've slammed the camp.

Yeah, we were like so positive before.

We would never do that. Do you disgusting?

What do you think they are thinking when they listen to us?

Oh, the Brits would just think the end is nigh. They get die though? Who is so good? Our biggest guest today is the audio we use of Paulin Hanson.

Nah, bullshit, we had dharmiim we does no she was?

We love how you put her in the title of the episode with dummy.

Im was she with fucking on it?

She was on the show, Ben Fordham.

Yeah.

Chrissy Swan was talked.

About Critsy on Can you get under that she's not here? She doesn't give a fuck given birth what she's pregnant? Oh, I didn't know. She hides it very well.

She does that slender frame or I think she get out of here, don't you?

Yeah, we probably should.

It's been a great show.

Well I'm glad you think so.

Have you noticed I do my radio bits on the intros and on the outs in the middle. I'm getting so much better like I used to.

Actually, I've been trying to bludgeon the radio guy out of you, and today you're starting to show some improvement. But what do you mean by the start and finish?

So like all starts. Yeah, we do this every week, and we do the setup and this is how we do it's called Is it just me? Let's jump in.

I do radio people sound like they're swallowing when they talk? Yeah?

Does it sound any better?

RADI?

Or do two sentences? You tell me which sounds better? Yeah, Hey, I'm gonna call my mum after we've whish recording and seeing what's for dinner at home? Or Hey, I'm gonna ring my mum after dinner and see what's that.

You get the point this one, because you sound like you're doing an impression of a radio guy not actually being you know.

Fun fact, I do work for a voice over company, and she goes, Mitch, we love what you do. But your voice over is very twenty ten. It is, I know, and I was like, I was like, you're you're not wrong, and then she goes people want mistakes because we stream now, we constantly listen to podcasts, so people know what a real sound of real voice sounds like. But ten years ago people would think that you should try vital weeks. They thought that was authority. Do you know what I mean?

Yes, anyway, we've wrapped like seven times.

Yeah we should go.

You were saying, Oh, I always I always wrap up like a radio guy. What do you mean because you just.

I went, oh, we probably should get out of here. Look, it's been a good show, and I went, I did the radio bit, but I should have just gone, yeah, let's good. I'm sorry came in.

Who is this?

Oh my god?

Oh that was just that was just an admin notification with lost twelve followers.

I'm not surprised with what you up, but hey, a couple of meters if you'd like to try and help a three.

Bill that's us? Is it just me?

There?

I go? Did I talk like that? I don't know if I've tried a radio voice.

You're right, we're ending the show and we're gonna end it as soon as you back an ounce, then you gonna forward an ounce into a song. And we're darne. We're not saying good but that's.

Not how you used goodbye show by forward an ouncing a song. Just trust me, it's the end of a show, not a fucking jock shift. Can you just hit our closer so it's just our music and I'll i'll farewell the show like I'm a radio guy.

Okay, good good, how you're doing it?

You listen up next week's show. I missed the book, all right, you've got to be there day there. All right, Okay, I'll see you next week. Say bye? How to go? No, I want to know what you thought that was the phenomenal good thing. I'm not gonna radio.

Come on, give us your out hook the socials. Tell them we're back next week and I'm gonna end it.

I thought I already did that.

Come on, all right, I do it every night, Okay on the beat?

All right, guys, you want to get a month, it's on the socials. You know you gotta hit up. It's gonna be at a couple of minutes there, all right, Okay, is it does me? The podcast? What you're gonna do with Leavis and five star review. Hey thank you, I thank you later for that. See it ain't play that. It is basically flirting with the audience.

Ntaine very much.

All right bye, we gotta go by the