#180: Peter Rabbit

Just stood a couple of mitches.

Raise yourself for the rude shocks of young adults.

So what if the plan with this guy you've been chatting to on Grinder? Are you gonna pull this weekend?

No, I've got dinner with Rebel Wilson this weekend, so I can't.

Don't you hate it when you've got a Grinder hook up, but you have to go to dinner with Rebel Wilson If I had a dollar.

Julie and Mitchell Coos, how are you? Are you agreed to be back? Mitchell?

This is giving last day of school vibes. For some reason?

Should we just wrap up the shit? The season? Early? Season five is what basically done for the year.

Yeah, well we've got next week. But this does, for some reason have finale energy.

Yeah, it does, because listen to what.

We've got planned today. Idiots. Oh my god, Roving Report Oscar is on another mission. They're always a bit chaotic, aren't they?

Yeah, a bit nuts, to be honest. We've done a couple, but the last this one was so well received. When we sent Roving Reporter Oscar into the streets of Sydney to sniff rugs, I was with Oscar at an event. Mitch, you and I were at the TikTok Awards. Price Kiby Jenny who's here was there as well, and we had three people approach us all when we were in a group having a drink to say, oh my god. I just wanted to say Mitch and I, you know, fixed our hair and said, can't wait for the photos to

Well, more of that kind of bullshit coming up today. And also we're just flat out watching Pawn on the podcast.

We've reached a new low.

So that's what I mean when I say it feels like it's muck Up Day. It feels like this should be the last day, but it's not. What We're back next week.

Well, so I love that. It does feel like a show that hasn't been planned. Sometimes we don't plan things like let's just watch porn, do something done, but we have planned both the Pawn and the Roving Report.

And this is because you were telling me that you've got a VR goggle thing, which I've never done that in my life, so I'm very curious about it.

In general, it was a Christmas gift a couple of years ago, and at Christmas I showed all my aunties and uncles and all my relatives the VR porn. And this was pre this was like the early days of the virtual reality world. So there was only heterosexual porn and it was only like mum, you know, raw dog by step Son. That was. But now I've done some research the gays have via porn.

I love how it's literally researched. Yeah, you were watching porn for research?

Yeah, those three jerkofs last week. We're all tax right off, Jenna, have you ever seen gay porn? No? Never, I like to think that you don't even watch porn. No, No, you're just no Jenna in my eyes, generous, just Jenna. When she leaves the podcast, she goes into a cryo chamber and freezes herself to the text her and go, we want you for the podcast again. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I'm still a bit chilly. Yeah, can you defrost Genoine?

Need you?

Obviously?

Yeah I didn't realize that. Obviously didn't haven't watched gay porn. But would you be curious? I am curious. You can strap the to be on too, that's all coming.

Do you know where we put it right? Yeah, okay, good, Sorry, it's just a shock if it's your first time learning. I mean even I was shocked when I realized I had to do it. Yes, anyway, welcome everyone, if it is your first time listening, this is Is it just me? Every show we start the same with it Is it just me? Something we've noticed, something we hate to appreciate.

Today we're kicking it off with the caller, aren't we all around?

Today?

Today we have Hailey joining us from a central coast. Hello Haley, Haley?

Hello, how are you not too bad? Darling? Have you got anither? It's me for it?

I do, I do?

How old you been listening to the show? Give us the goss I've been about a year now.

Cut.

I like how you say that the newby but we're in a relationship. It's been about a year now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like when people have babies and they're like, yeah, my baby's like thirty two.

Months, I don't know what that means.

Honestly, A baby's a baby to me until it can like start talking. Yeah, I mean, and I also hate eachim on the fly, But I'm not buying a baby a gift that it won't really give a shit about until it's old enough to go. I can thank you, Uncle Mitch. I want cloud.

Yes, I buy my nieces and nephew's shoes every Christmas because it's helpful. They're obviously going to wear them. That's good. It's sort of a present for the parents too.

We love a practical gift.

We fucking love a practical favorite Uncle Jamie, She's a really good gift giver, to be honest, he gives great I don't say that. I still haven't shopped for our secret Sander present. I've got no idea, neither of I, to be honest, fifty bucks was the limit?

Right, that's next week? All right, Hayley, Bradley will count you in hit us with your rigin? Is it just me?

Are you as confused as me? How the fuck seedless fruit work?

Yes?

What is it?

Seedless fruit? Seedless fruit? Oh? My god?

Like great grow.

That's a really good idea. That's like, that's like spermless men having baby because the seeds, the seeds are are what grown? You plans?

I know, my God, Like, how how do you go? Okay, I'm going to get these greats, but I'm also going to do this seedless, but then how do you take that seedless variety and continue it on? So thank you. I'm so glad that I'm not the only person on I feel like.

Grapes have seeds, don't they.

There's varieties of new ones that are to have no seeds.

Cotton candy ones, they don't have seeds. They're actually removing them.

Yes, they genetically modify them to get rid of the seeds. You know, avocados back in the day were inedible because the seed was ninety percent of the fruit. Nowadays, that genetically modified them so that other avocado pits today.

See as soon as you as genetically modified to things you're lockering like, spec doesn't exist.

I am quite fond of a seedless watermelon. Fuck those black bathts. It looks like flies off to the watermelon.

Seedless fruit, such as naval oranges are propagated asexually, usually by grafting.

Asexually.

They're propagated vegeatively from cuttings by grafting. What the hell?

I don't know any of that means? When the fact did we become The Birk's Backyard Podcast.

In such cases, bananas are essentially genetic clones of each other.

What on earth is going on in the background there? Hailey, Oh sorry, we just got in the car. Who's we Oh?

The family?

Can we stay?

Hi?

Yeah?

Boys and Britt can we please say hi? On three one two three?

Hi? Everyone? Where are we going? The fruit market?

Me, my girlfriend and the two boys are going to the circuit the circus.

We'll put us on speaker. Fine, that's so fun. How long have you been with your partner for this is cute?

Like a few months now, Like you've been.

With us longer than you've been with your partner.

I know, right, thirty six months or something like that.

That's very true, and we better let you get to the circus.

Hailey, Yeah, thank you so much.

Pleasure. Make sure you hit up our price keeper Jenna on our Instagram. A couple of mitches and you're going to claim your prize.

Oh my god, I love that so much. Also met by the way, Jerry from a few episodes ago, I did hear about the Fortnight chat? We please Fortnite one day?

Yes, let's play Fortnite because.

I have my Fortnite character tattooed on my leg.

Get wow, who is it? Who is it?

It's joy? Have you seen Joy.

Oh, Joy is in like the film Joy with Jennifer Lawrence.

No, okay, you'll have to google.

Oh Gorge. Oh oh, I play as the Ariana Grande from when they did a collaboration. Yeah, very cute. Yeah, the pink pootail. Wait, message me. Do you have me on Instagram?

Oh?

My god, yes I do.

DM me, and we'll add our game of tags and we'll play. I've gotten really good at the moment.

I love that so much, all of them.

Let's play the girl things Game of girls all right. I love how we went.

From seedless grapes to for that.

Yeah.

DM as keep you Jenna please.

Okay, thank you, love you.

What a sweetheart she is, everybody she found and co in the car very sweet. If you want to get in touch with this, you can dms on a couple of images, or you can send us a text.

On this number.

To nine for a two zero two nine.

Yep.

If you've got to need the dismay of your own anything that pops into your mind, let us know. We'd love to chat. Okay, here we go. I promise to fill you all in on the gripping saga that is unfolding in my neighborhood Facebook group. Yes, it has been ongoing. There's different plot twists every step of the fucking way. But I promise you you will keep up.

I feel like I'm about to be like let In on a on world government secret.

I know we've been taken to a barker. It does feel like that for me too. I'm not gonna lie, but it's not quite that deep.

Okay, So we've been sat down. There's a PowerPoint presentation of this I love so much.

Obviously people listening won't be able to follow along with the PowerPoint, but I have got a PowerPoint on my television right now.

Okay, all right, well, so fuck I'm excited.

So not far from my house, there's one of those like shitty little parks that isn't really a park, you know those tiny parks that's this kind of filling up space. It's just got a bit of grass and a park bench.

Green space.

Yeah, that's all it is. It's not play equipment or anything. It's one of these shitty little parks.

Yes, I know what you mean.

So there's one of those not far from my house. It's on the way when I'm walking to bar classes and every time I walk past this park, there's a bunny rabbit.

Oh is that the rabbit? Yeah, that's the rabbit. That's a good shot.

And so I never really questioned why the fuck there is a random rabbit in the middle of some concrete jungle, Like, I don't know. I'm just a farm kid. I'm like, whatever, there's a rabbit. But now that I think about it, it is a bit odd, and people suspect it might have been an abandoned pair because it's so friendly and he's very cute.

Yeah, he's a good size too.

And so someone posted in the Facebook group saying rabbit found in the park. Anyone missing a rabbit, and everyone in the comments were very quick to clarify, No, that's Peter. He lives there.

Oh, he's just.

Like a community pet. Everyone calls him Peter.

Yeah, Peter rabbit. That's what Mary kag says. This rabbit is a local and has been around for years. He used to have a friend, but seems to be alone. Now.

Oh I didn't know that part. Yeah, look at the comments.

He's been there for at least three years. Used to come say, hyduring.

Lot, so cute. He just appeared one day in COVID apparently.

Wow, I feel like you was dumped by like a.

I think that's likely, yes, But anyway, I've obviously seen the rabbit. I'm familiar with the rabbit, but I didn't realize it was such a wholesome scenario. Everyone's embraced the rabbit. It's a community pet. His name's Peter. That's so cute. People were posting photos of their dogs playing with Peter. It was so gorgeous, and.

People have seemed to be able to get close to Peter. You're right, he Oh.

He's so friendly. He's very cute. Okay, And now that I know that he has a name, I've started because I can take a shortcut and not go through that park to come home, but I've started going out of my way to just be like, oh, Peter, Peter. It's really really cute. And so this is where the drama starts to unfold.

Right, I'm going to say, I hope Peter isn't in a rabbit stew.

One day, someone posted a photo of two rabbits and they said, Peter has a friend. Wow, all of a sudden, another rabbit just appeared.

Fucking like rabbits. I hope Peter's getting some rabbit pulls.

Well, this is where the controversy comes into it. Oh no, because now there are calls to have Peter exterminated because they don't want the pesky rabbits in the neighborhood. Look at all these comments. I loved him at first, but ultimately he's a huge problem. Peter and his friends need to be destroyed for the sake of local fauna. He isn't our friend.

Oh my god.

Very controversial. There was a couple of days there where I was like, oh my god, they're going to kill Peter the rabbit because they don't want him knock up his girlfriend. They can't kill Peter. What am I gonna do? I've got to put a stop to this. Somehow, not a problem as it turns out, because this was posted in the group Sad News about the Rabbit's near friend saw them on the side of the street this morning, hit by a car.

Oh but how do they know that wasn't Peter, that was the friend, Because.

We all know Peter's demeanor well enough. We could tell that Peter was alive and well. But there was a smear rabbit on the road. So Peter's mate that was very short lived, that Sarga.

That was a situation ship for Peter. It was then and he his friend was killed. God I didn't witness.

It, so not a problem as it turns out. And also I think they knew it wasn't Peter because he's been there for three years. He's smart enough to know not to run on the road. Where is his new little slam piece? Obviously stupid got hit by a car.

He's got streets smart.

So Peter's now were widow. That's a bit sad, isn't it?

And Peter is still there? Well?

Oh no, please. I have a feeling that because Peter might have been overcome with grief, that he might have put himself in harm's way because I was walking home from bar class on a Wednesday and he was there Wednesday afternoon.

You saw him.

And I was like, Peter, how are you sorry about the loss? Very nice? And then this was posted the next day. Any truth in the rumor that Peter was killed by a dog this week?

Oh my god?

And I was like, they're fucking better not be any truth to that.

Room, please say it's just a And.

I really wanted it to be a rumor. But then when I went to bar class on Friday, he wasn't there. And I was so affected by this that I even posted in the group and I was like, do we have eyewitnesses? Can anyone actually attest to it? And so it was all this rumored speculation at this point. But then this post and Susie comes in and says, my dog found Peter's body.

No, now, oh, I don't have gloves or a spade to bury him. Can anyone help? Rest in peace? Update? I took him to Southern Cross at lunchtime. He wasn't microchipped, so they said they knew him and would cremate him free of charge.

Yeah.

Ultimately unable to have the ashes, but feel better knowing he's out of the bushes on his way to bunny Heaven.

And obviously people in the group are now outraged, being like, who's fucking irresponsible? Dog just mauled this beautiful bunny to death.

This local icon.

I agree, And all of this unfolded in the space of two weeks. I didn't even know he had a name, and all of a sudden, I'm so attached and I'm crying because he's dead.

No, first of all, you're mourning the loss of his wife. The men you're mourning the loss of him, the lady saying, my dogs found Peter's body in the reeds this morning.

It did smell in that park when I walked through, it did smell, and I was like, surely when the dog attacked it, they didn't just leave it there.

That sounds suspicious. Did I feel like her dogs do it?

I've got no idea.

She feels guilty. Oh no, time, man, there's a memorial. I just yeah, oh god, it's like it's like a vigil.

I just flicked the slide show. We were so affected by this that a few of my friends that live in the area we made a shrine.

Did you do this?

Yeah? We were actually really sad about this and we needed to grieve, and so we made the memorial. And then I decided to stir some shit in the Facebook group. You know my fake account Bernice of course, Yeah, So I use her account to post in the Facebook group. And we had tea light candles in the garden where we had our little shrine for Peter, and I posted in there as Bernan's been like, there is a total fire band who's lighting candles.

Very nice to see tribute to our bunny friend. But please be careful. No way should anyone be fight, should be lighting candles in a total fireband. I hope more people add to the shrine.

And then we were going to leave some carrots. We were going to start a movement carrots out for Peter. But you know what, we came back the next staying. People were now adding to the shrine. Someone bought those little battery operated tea light candles so that we didn't have the fire nice.

So on Easter, Bunny stop here did you buy that?

That was actually already there?

Wow?

And so it was a really tricky grief process. And we had the memorial in his honor beautiful, and I also prepared an obituary for it. Would you like to see it? I'd love to see And I collated all the photos and videos that people had posted in our Facebook.

Mitchell to Peter, Oh, mitchelltten all this up song.

This is so emotional, miss Peter.

Oh, this is heartbreaking. Oh this is so sad. He's having so much fun.

I'm going to post this in our Facebook.

Green Ultimately that's what killed him. However, can hear? Oh God, that pit bull looks like it came back.

It could have been that pitopule.

Surely he died doing what he loved, encroaching on dogs.

That's what I've written in the in the obituary.

Gone but never forgotten, Valet Peter.

That's a beautiful photo. I'm not joking when I made that. I actually did cry.

Wow.

It's been a whole ordeal, and frankly, I don't actually have closure yet.

Yeah, No, I want justice for Peter exactly.

The fact that the murderer just left his body there, no one cleaned up after him, and also the fact that this dog is capable of that. But Peter's been there for years playing with dogs, and then all of a sudden, this savage fucking mutt comes along and just rips him to shreaded.

All right, So what's where are we at now? Is there? Are they going to put the cremation that his remains in the park.

Apparently the lady that took him to the vet to have him created didn't take the ashes, as if.

You wouldn't what.

I thought the same thing, honestly, and so obviously I don't have closure because I don't know what happened, and I want to know what happened. I need to know who's behind me, of course, and so we crossed now to our raving reporter, Oscar, who is on the scene of the crime.

Investigative journalism.

Oscar, it's over to you.

Hello, a couple of mitches. Jenna, my darlings. It is our roving reporter Chulkin, and I'm here on location at the homicide of Peter the Rabbit. And not only is it green, but it is devastating because as why I speak, I'm standing in front of the memorial tribute for Peter Rabbit, which includes a ceramic bunny.

Oh, someone put a statue statue. It's so cute. I'm pretty sure his little water bowl is still there too.

I can't find the water bowl, but let's just agree that it is around here somewha.

Now, if anyone walks past, Oscar, I need you to interrogate them and find out as much as you can. In the meantime, we would like you to on behalf of Mitch Jenner and I to lay a wreath.

Please do you?

Of course? I would like to say I lay this reef in honor of Peter Rabbit from is it just me? Mitch? Mitch Jenner and roving reporter talking.

Of course he would have loved us.

This is for you, Peter.

Let's have a moment of silence for Peter.

All right, pe Peter, can we have a moment of silence? Thank you?

Thank you everyone, thanks, thank you, appreciate that.

Right, all right, Oscar, we need to speak to the people of the suburbs. Is there anyone there, because the only way we're going to try and attempt to solve this is to speak to the people that are there. All right.

I'll keep an eye out because there's people walking on the other side.

I'll yell out to them.

All right, hang on, excuse mate, who killed Peter? Yeah you no, we ran okay, never mind, run over to them. Excuse me, I'm chasing them now.

Excuse me.

You don't want to harass the locals. They're all morning and grieving.

No, all, no, that's true. I'm not current affair.

Well you are today. I need answers. I need justice for Peter.

Yes, I am literally in the direct path of someone coming.

Here we go, We're on, here we go.

Get him.

Hi, Hi, I'm just recording something really quick for a podcast. Do you know who killed Peter?

Well?

I think it was Eric. He was in the library and he found out that Peter had been something through. He's very rare, incredibly valuable fourteenth century illustrated manuscript. Needless to say, it was an invaluable manuscript worth like multiple millions.

I think he's playing. I don't think you're taking this oscar?

What is going on?

Is he talking about it?

Different Peter?

Bizarre thing to do, but anyway he did.

So Peter used it.

And to compound his crime, he is terrible. He was reading it on the toilet, the toilet and discovered they're out of loop paper. So this invaluable manuscript he just reefing pages out of.

It and uses the wiper ass.

Anyway, that's happy to die.

I understand.

Just ra you're a reporter, lead him into what you want. I hope I've answered the question.

Guys, I don't know if you could hear that. That was the best answer I've ever been diveited in my life. What's what was your name?

Sorry, my name is Tug Dumbley.

His name is Target Dumbley.

Does Tug know that that Peter's a rabbit?

Tug? Do you know that Peter's a rabbit? Oh?

Okay, Oh Peter Rabbit from this Yes, Peter, Peter, that was mold in the park? Mate, I do I do actually know?

I know that Peter. I did know that Peter sadly now deceased.

Oh here we go. Well, no, the thing is I've been sent down here to investigate as in who got Peter, and the general consensus is that it was a dog. Now do you think there are any suspects in the area. I don't think it was your dog because your dog is about the same size as Peter.

Reckon, Peter, what does the dog look like?

So? Do I have permission to show your dog on? Yep, yep, Hi, darling. So this is boo boo. What have you got to say about the death?

Boo? Looks small, but Marty, that's what you know.

What do you know? Boo?

No?

I agree, I agree, Boo, I agree, Thank you so much.

It was devastated. She didn't meet Peter rabbits she did well, she did, yeah.

And she was like, I don't want to get the habit and then he completely unperturbed and in fact hopped towards her, and she was completely baffled and puzzled. From a moment strain of the question her nose and then Peter just gorgeously naiven innocent.

Tuget's been waiting for this moment.

I choose to have happy thoughts towards Peter.

No, well that's that's very true, Tug, And you and Boo have given me really good insight. Thank you, Tug, Tug Tug.

Okay, Well what I've taken from that? Can I just say I'm a bit sus on Tug's dog.

I think Boo was confessing to be honest.

Yes, Boo is fully capable of murder.

Silence says everything.

Also was tugged with acting like he didn't know who Peter was talking about it if from Peter, I trying to throw you off your guilty.

Tug Dudley is the killer of Peter the Rabbit. Wow, Oscar. I think this is one of your best reporting duties. Yeh, the best you have soul the crime of a beloved local pet Oscar. You can sleep easy know would be so proud. Tug Dougley the killer.

I think that Boo deserves the death penalty. Don't you pitch up to the Moscar off that bitch, Go get Boo, Oscar, bring back his skin.

Isn't just me.

You can follow the show online, just search a couple of mitches.

If you don't, you're a tickhead.

All right, the moment you have all been waiting for, as if that wasn't the moment they were waiting for Peter Investigation.

No, well, the Peter investigation has changed my life. And I thought, who feels stressed? You feel stressed, Jenn, I feel stressed me to you're stressed.

I don't have much closure, but anyway, why don't we all I've got to relieve tension.

I was going to say, you might need to take some stress off, lie down, dim the lights, and maybe if you're at home listening, if you're in the car, I urge you to now take a moment to treat yourself and potentially touch yourself. This is the first time on the show I've ever endoed mitcha shake. Now i've ever endorsed group masturbation, but I feel we all should because incomes my VA headset didn't did it?

Okay? And so this was just something that you mentioned at random, that you can watch porn on a VR headset.

Correct. I did not buy this with the intention of watching porn, but I did buy it, and then I realized that you could watch porn.

It is another one of your random impulse buys that you don't really stick. Oh hang on, oscars back, Chicken, it is walked in. Have a seat. We're about to watch porn.

Oh good, this is the perfect time. I'm so hot.

God, he sit right under the airc on. You'll be right.

I've got my V headset. It's fun for games. You can play things on it, but you can also watch porn. The issue is when I first downloaded or got the V headset, the only porn available was heterosexual porn. I've done research. You can now get straight porn. So I'm gonna put it on. I'm going to set a porn gay porn porn headset on. It's now streaming to the TV. You should all be able to watch.

Jenna's never watched gay porn, so I reckon.

We're going to get hurt of Oh my god, Jenny, you're going to have the best time ever.

All right, So Jenna's got the phone. Jenna, is it streaming to the phone? Okay, here we go. So this is what I'm saying. So I'm in a living room. What should I Google, Mitchell gay Gable, Khaki, gay Va, pawn, gay VR porn three sixty Virtual Reality sex.

Three sixty pawn.

Now what I'm and these are the options you can choose from.

So how does they feel that this might be a bit overwhelming for me? Like, oh my.

Gosh, oh goodness me, these are all VR?

Jenna?

What about what about this one? Hold on? This looks nice? Oh my god, that looks fun. This one looks good, Mitchell. Why don't we go with this one? I reckon, let's get this on, Mitch. Do you want to watch it first? Or should I?

No?

I think Jenna should watch it.

Should watch it.

Put the headset on your head, Jen, You just have to press the play Jenna. Actually, I'll get it fully set.

So how do you press play with that? Sorry?

Oh my god, that's in my head? I can I'm in the AD. I'm in the ad, jesus.

Wow.

Okay, the skip AD button is the size of a bus for me, and I'm going to just press it with my right hand, all right, Jenna, jesus, I'm handing over to you.

Okay, she's got the goggle thumb. What's with these fucking Nintendo We nunchucks.

What is this?

Is that how you control it?

That's how you control it.

We sport.

No, it's not, it's not.

That's them bullshit. You should be able to control it with your thoughts.

Well that's what I would.

My thoughts aren't that powerful. Actually, there you go, Jenna.

All right, so make it you make it full screen?

Oh my god, screen god, they've been to pilate if they flexable.

No, no, you press play and then it's the it's the full screens. Play Jenna and enjoy the pawn. Oh my god, Oh my god, Jenna, look down. Oh Jennison knowes hot man, that's her body.

Someone is currently it's a pov. Someone's sucking Jenner off with.

Oh, Jenna's putting her thumb in his mouth.

Jesus, get it out, Jenny, your cat you'll.

Oh my god, Jenna, you are putting your foot in this man's mouth while you stroke your big penis.

How does it feel, Jenne to be in the room with it all disturbing? Oh my god, you are being rimmed.

This is starting to feel be wrong Dan to take him off. It's fine, give it to Mitchell.

I'm going to pick another one for Mitchell. Yeah, pick another one. I'll give me a headset, Jenna Mitch.

I've watched gay porn before, but I've not watched straight straight.

Yeah, we've got to give him some straighty porn. I genuinely so. You do not think you'll.

Coat gen know why the control is sticky? Jesus, it's so much more HD. Yes, fuck, I'm actually might I might save this one for later.

The screen here that we're watching on the TV is so low, rare and really lagging.

No idea, how clear?

Oh, we're going to get an idea?

Actually, is it going to be clear for me? I'm to take my glass off this It's clear you'ted. Sounds like she has just been through some sort of torture.

It just sounded like a war hero.

There.

You're going to see some ship.

All right, here we go. I'm going to google V porn.

No, I want straight porn to be clarified, Jill.

You don't even need to right straight?

Well, that's just that's just wrong. That's straight is the default, isn't it?

Here we go, right, Chill, I'm gonna do. I'm doing the most viewed V porn which Stepsun Crave, step Son's cock Step.

Mum, stepmom, crave step son's.

Cop Mitchell, Mitchell, listen to me. On the bottom, there is a slider which you were just for clarity if you've.

Got glasses goggles on. Yeah, you're right. This is blairy fuk. How do I change it?

There's a slider on the bottom to the left of the right. You slide.

That's fair.

Press A and press aim at play and press the A button.

Okay, yep, there you are. I'd like that said. None of the actors are related, of course.

Come on, I've had the best time here with you, sir, Mom in a whole new.

Way down Mitchell, you're in the room. You my god, Mitchell, You've got great quads in a thick, meaty bowl.

This is really weird. I'm looking down and I'm wearing very similar gym short.

This could be me, Mitchell. I hate to say it, but that looks a bit like Jane, it does. It looks talking to me, right. Let's listen to the dialogue. Turn the volumes on the other side to where the blurry slider is. You know, the blury slider. It's it's on that side. It's up and down. You care of that. I don't know, hurry.

Up and suck me off, lady.

You know what I've learned from this comparison, Straight people have a lot more patience than gay people.

How do I fast forward?

Not Mitchell? Don't?

Oh god, oh my god, she's on Mitchell.

Why don't you look at the room, like, have a look at the it the curtains.

A nice blind.

Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh.

That is so oh my god. Literally, I'm insider.

I'm insider.

Is this the first time you ever mounted a woman?

Don't talk about my step mother like that? So get me. Do you want my review?

Yes?

Please?

What's your review of the VA porn?

It's a bit troopy, but also the quality is shocking, So it was not I didn't feel immersed. It's not like I actually felt like I was in that world. It's very trippy, but it was like when you wear those three D glasses at the movies. Yeah, it just wasn't quite right.

You know. The weird thing is that you can have devices that connect to your via headset that like can like you can put on your penis what yah?

I have heard of these? Actually they are wild.

They're nuts. It's like it's like a masturbating machine that can connect to the same video, so it can thrust into you at the same pace as the video.

It's meant to be like four day like more immersive. So like while you're watching and your stepmom's having a ride.

Yeah, it's like.

It's like gonna like grip and like stroke you up and down itself, like as if she is genuine. You don't have to touch.

She's doing it too, but she's your stepmum.

Yeah, it's like a mechanical flashlight.

Sounds like a lot of admin. Just root your step mom. Then this VR technology sheep.

I've always said that, And it's cheaper, so much cheap, but what a great takeaway. Root your stepmom. Everyone don't buy a five hundred dollars v I headset. Fuck your step mam.

Oh my god, what I kind of want to go? I've never done v Yeah.

I have a gard it on cheery.

Pick a porn please?

Yeah?

Can you need your nunchucks?

No, I can use my hands.

I beat your kid.

Now, Oscar. Do you want queer or do you want making.

Me gay porn? I don't want to fuck about with my stepmum.

I found a perfect one for you. The title of this one is virtual Real gay a magical place one. Oh my god. Okay, all right, so I'm hold on, yeah, press play a hello, look around, you're in the world. It's just say my name.

I thought I heard that to it.

Oh my god, I'm adorgeous tiling like I must say?

Why have you reading the magazine?

Get to the fucking he's reading an interview with John tivolt. I hang up, I'm gonna so describe what you're seeing, Oscar So's You're in what looks to be a sauna in the outdoors.

We are in a sauna which looks like it's in a cab.

Where'd you win Agase Sorna literally less than twenty four hours ago.

Probably.

Yeah.

He has nipple rings.

Yeah, and they're quite lovely.

Now he's stroked himself a couple of times, but he's not really Oh, I can't take it back.

All right, he's now revealing his peters. He's a tatted man. He's got two nipple piercings, and he's put down his magazine because you've got his attention.

That's right now, he's still reading the magazine.

Well, no, he's on his laptop.

Rodriguo I'm here. Can you stop looking at the computer place? Emails can wait? It's I want to suck.

You know how you can report videos on TikTok? Is it possible to report the podcast? Like this is going to be the episode that gets reported?

Oh he's too Oh oh okay, I've had enough. Gonna get rid of this place. Asking now wake get out.

Now you need to take the goggles off.

Oh god, take the offscar.

Take the goggles off. That's all you need to do.

Wow, well everyone, Merry Christmas to you and yours.

That was the best Christmas gift I've ever had. Actually, do you want to turn Mitchell?

Oh? He's had many reibated with them on.

But well, well you've got the nunchucks in your hands.

So here's your own droving report. Come back to us and let us know how I will.

I might go the full hog and give it a go. Maybe, yeah, I'm alright. Maybe getting a blowjob while watching porn could be fun.

Oh well, I'm for you next week. A yeah, if.

You're getting one, you're getting one. You don't need to watch porn.

Well know they've said, like you know, I'll give them the paper bag. Well, this is the new paper bag. Give that you put it.

On, Just give him a stake.

Put it on and watch your step mom whilst some ugly console over you. Before I'm actually.

On board, just say, imagine, imagine him filming that. How do they film that? I know it'd be like a multiple Jerry wigged camera, like you know when you go to the fucking award shows and there's that three sixty care Yeah, how would they film that?

Porn?

That was actually done add an award show?

Was it?

Well?

There you go. We've all been bonded and we're now closer as a teen.

I agree it actually can I like as new as newly appointed fourth wheel. But that was the best ice breaking I've ever done.

Yeah, no fun facts about yourself. Just pop this on and watch your step mom.

I want to hear more about the gay saunas, but we can save that for another time.

Yeah, yeah, for another time.

Yeah, all right, shall we go meet chill and.

I think that's probably for the best.

Thank you for listening everyone. You can leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or comment on the show watched. Our question this week be have you ever watched VR porn?

No, that's nat We'll get in trouble? Would you route your step mother?

That's way more broad?

Sorry, step parent?

How broad? Sorry? Well done? Step person.

Guardian yes slash guardians? Yeah?

How wherever fucked your step guard?

Oh? Fuck me? All right? Everyone on that note, we need to go.

Yeah, all right, we'll catch it in the season finale. It's next week. Two more episodes for you, Monday and Wednesday. Next week.

We love you to pieces. We'll see you then, everyone.

Catch you then bye bye bye?

Is it just me?

A podcast by a couple of make sure you've hit follow on your podcast.

Welcome to a to D brief. This is our secret segment on the end, So so on it's Oscar.

Now, Oscar, can you actually talk to me about that? So you do got do you frequent a sauna?

Not overly? But there are a couple on Oxford Street that I've been too.

But you know what he does. It's because the bust to the beaches sometimes doesn't go overnight, so he'll just kill time there. If he says that too late, it like sits in the spar till six and goes, oh, I'm mate, yeah, Like.

Ninety five percent of the time I'm literally there, just in the spa, I go for a nap, Like, I mean, it's like it's way cheaper than a hotel room.

How much do you pay?

Like I think the max I've ever paid is thirty dollars and or you pay for entry just to get in and you can be there.

That's a bonus the entry.

Yeah, right right, there is there a bed multiple Wow, Like it's all private rooms.

Like, it's all private rooms. And then obviously because like there's sex on premises venues, so there's no there's no rules, Like the only rule they have is don't have sex in the spa because obviously.

Yeah, oh imagine it. It's sick to your leg here, It'll stick.

To your leg, hair, contaminate all that, you'll get ill. But like if you go into one of the sauna saunas, there's a high chance something will be going on.

And when you say sauna, sauna is sort of the name of the venue. And there is also a hot steamy sauna or both.

So like the colloquially colloquially ala they're they're called saunas. They're I think the correct name for them is a bath house house. Yeah, so sauna is just another way of saying like the bath house, but they have actual steamy saunas in there, like there's a proper in some of them. There's a proper wooden sauna, and then there's a steam room that is really intense, and they recommend

Heart rate skyrockets, your body temperature goes through the roof. I's like if you get have you ever left a sauna you're exhausted.

Yes, honestly, Sean hasn't got air and it feels like a fucking steam room after we get a bit hated.

Yeah, I can imagine.

Yeah, especially well, I have to take my pants off most of the time I'm there.

Yes, you have to.

It's just polite, isn't it. So you've got a lot of questions, don't you. Are you curious?

I might be.

I'll take you next weekend. Yeah yeah, yeah, Saturday nights are the good other busy nights you've got to go at a certain time.

Sometimes client tell what age group, what what sort of tribe.

Depends where you go. Like there's some places that are frequented more by the muscular jockey types that really only want to go for carbon copies of themselves. There's other venues that are a little bit more inclusive. There's other places that are frequented by twins. I'll let you know which one that is. Like, it depends like anyone. Like they advertise and they make it out that anyone can go, but like you go in and it's very evident that it's.

Not the case.

It's not the case. You know, all the time, all the time. I've seen some pretty pretty big people in there.

Oh like Matz are you talking to Yeah?

No, I've seen a couple of slabs.

Sam Smith for sure, and that's what No.

No, I've seen like my ex Smith.

No, I've seen a couple of slibs in there. I always see people I know, and then you just end I just end up sitting there. I shit sterr in there.

Mostly though talking I'm just gonna get more water.

I shit stirr in there mostly like I sit in the spa. I make friends. I remember one time I was there. This might be a bit graphic, but one time I was there and I was with two friends of mine and we're all just yapping, and all of a sudden it gets very busy in the spa, and because they are my two friends are absolutely gorgeous, and so they get swept off by these big honky men, and I'm just sitting there with the losers, like the

And it takes a lot to stop some head, especially in a gay song.

Hello, yeah, might you if you.

Ever been to a sauna?

No? No, And then like the gay ones are distanding with the gay ones, No, would you. I've got a boyfriend, so they're probably not.

No.

No, although I might just go there for the spa and then everyone's obviously going to be forming a cue yeah, and I'm just there, like nine eggs here for the spa.

Well, yeah, you'd be surprised how many couples go into these menus.

Yeah, like, oh no, I probably wouldn't be surprised. That doesn't surprise me one bit.

I can have sex yeah, wow on the bed all yeah.

And you can have sex no.

I mean people they just fuck.

It's like you're going to a car washing me, Like, Hi, can I.

Wash a car gonna mac Is? Do you guys have you heard of nuggets?

No?

But I just more mean you can go and have sex, you have to like pay extra, like you have to get a room higher.

No, I mean you can't. There are some venues that have higher rooms that you can do whatever you want in them, and they're private, or some of them have viewing glasses. There's one particular venue I'm not gonna I'm not gonna name it because I don't really want to run into any of the idiots there. Yes, I just I just know they're all going to go now the tickets.

Once they know I'm there, they won't be able to Well, that's right.

Isn't it. There's one particular venue that has private rooms and every single room has a little like you know how, you know how and Gray's anatomy. They have those observational things.

Yeah, similar to that, but like a more like strip of wo platform.

Yeah, and so so maybe you should just dip your tays in the water and just go for a view met I might go for a little WA's like an instruction totally.

When I got my fucking animal MRI, I had a whole fucking bunch of animals, venory students, what the Yeah. So it's very much like that.

But then there's other venues that are very private, very discreete. You know, a lot of it's interesting though, because I'm talking it's all based around SAX. I've met some of the most interesting people in these venues that have that come from all walks of life and wow, And I mean, you guys know me, I'm very much the kind of person that loves a yarn and I love getting to know people hadn't noticed.

Me. I know.

So I've met like I literally met someone and had like a two hour conversation with them in the spa just about like literally everything. And then I looked at the time and went, no, seven, am, I better go Dale, thanks for that. To get me bus, I gotta get Yeah, I've got to get me Bus. But no, I mean, like, but you've got to be very open minded when you go into these things, like it's like it's quite confronting.

Wow, literally is there security? Like where are lines on consent?

Like?

So they the staff were all trained in first like any any any venue I've gone to, there's been a couple they they're all trained in like first aid, like if they and if they need to step in, they will. Like I remember one time I went in and some guy followed me from the street and was getting all handsy with me, and they like, not that I couldn't

All over it.

But there's no like it's not like a club. There's no outward like outward security.

So cool.

I mean you sound like you've been sold on the idea.

I am sold. I'd go.

Shall we go?

Now, my dad?

Are you busy?

There's a straight My dad goes to the straight version. He always goes to the sauna and with his dad. He and his dad go once a month.

Hold up these kind No, not the well.

He just goes to a sauna.

It's called a boys club men's club. Sorry, gentleman, I was going to say, they all it's on it's on George Street. People think it's bad street.

Oh, yes, I know the one who's talking.

It's like an actual gentleman.

No, yeah, I know the one who's talking.

Yeah, it's for the straight man. And they just all talk about chess and poker and pushing. How much is there a discusts moving pawns and kings and queens.

And yeah, moving pawn it's like those goggles.

I get it. That was revolting, and I'm sorry that I brought that to the show today.

No, I no, I thank you for apologizing.

Yeah, I feel like I needed.

I don't know why you're apologizing. That was the funniest thing I've ever seen.

It was a lot that was get a wrecked.

There's so much nice it was overwhelming, she waves, stimulating.

Yeah, I agree, but also because we're all like, we're all friends. Like, imagine getting a wrecked in front of your friends. I just I couldn't possibly.

I get a wrect amand you all the time I do.

Have that effect. You should say, Sean, my good poor bustard. Why do you think he won't return my calls?

We all went to Sean's birthday last week.

That was cute, that was fun. I was very late.

It didn't go unnoticed that you left without saying good bar to Sean by the way.

Oh my god, it hit me in the car. I felt so bad.

He noticed, was beside himself. There's a struck against your name.

Yes, I brought him two drinks, tell him to grow up.

Whereas Jenna, Jenna, I was surprisingly stayed later than I would have expected.

That true.

She A turned up and b was there for eight years after you left.

I was wow, Jenna, Yes, okay, someone's phone.

Y oh that's mine?

He is it for a month?

So sorry? Who is it?

I was, Sean, Oh, it's my beloved. What did you want I'll call him. Are you hi, you're on the podcast. What do you want, hi, Sean. They're saying him downstairs, just seeing what was happening. But yeah, we're up here, up here.

Come on, we're about to wrap up, Sean.

Yeah, we'll kill time. Make it snappy because we'll chat to here.

Don't walk past Peter's graves.

No time to mourn, Shaw, Sean, No time to mourn, Shawn, Oh, none at all. We're just watching pawn Shawn.

Oh you just missed oscars on the lawn shown, Seawn.

Don't be don't be in the forest too long. You'll see a pawn shore of course.

Will. Yeah, yeah, with all due respect, that story about your day was really nice, but it made me fucking yourn Sean.

That's me, for fuck sake.

Hurry up.

The poor thing has just finished work. Would you guys have sex on a Friday night after work?

I answered that way too quickly.

It's not out of the realm, but it's like not our usual. Will go to slot.

You're a Saturday morning.

Yeah, I will admit morning sexes kind of nice.

I prefer morning sex.

Yeah, me too, Yeah.

Because your tops of course you do.

True, I do forget how much power now.

I'm so glad you hear now. I want to hear every episode, speaking of to.

My gosh, speaking of top partial.

Baby, Come sitting next to me.

Okay, so no, Sean, come have a microphone.

I'll just share mine, all right.

Oh, Sean, I have to say, I am so sorry for abandoning your birthday party and not saying goodbye. Mitch told me how much sleep you've lost over it?

Oh the tears, Well, yeah you're telling that.

Yeah, lots of crying.

I'm so sorry.

No, it wasn't sad and as it was more rage.

Oh okay, I I apologized. I apologize.

He's so polite. I'm trying to get him riled up over here.

And you're like, no, okay, no it did on my birthday, and I won't be forgiving you.

Well, let's be honest. Your birthday was seven weeks before the event, so it didn't ruin your actual birthday. So I don't feel bad.

Now, Joseph side, thanks for being there. That was lovely. Oh that's had a great time.

Oh yeah, you're right.

You eventually rocked up.

Okay, yeah, sorry, I had a prior commitment of a dig and having to sing for fucking bust people people. Yeah, it was. I had to do the Christmas party for the bus Stepo and that was wild.

Wow.

By the time Oscar rocked up, it was like one thirty am, and I were like, oh god, we have to wait for Oscar becuz he's on his way. But we had so fucking diant.

Itau was earlier than that. I got there around about midnight.

Yeah, yeah, no, you were there for a while.

Yeah, I don't know what time we left, to be honest, Well, you.

Guys left before me, and then I looked at the time went bust the same girl for another two hours, so you can imagine where I.

Went after want of course, no doubt when no, you just missed it. We were watching pawn Sean, Yeah, we actually were. We're watching Do you want to have it? Do you want to have a little spot of loved it?

You had been so drawn Sean?

Actually, can we do we have time?

Can we put really really die? But we can do it in real life?

We'll do it. Sorry, feel no clarify, Does that mean you're gonna have anal sex? So you're gonna watch VR and you say we'll do it in real life. Are you fucking or you're gonna We're gonna do it U when the show ends? Why do I have to.

Choose one of the other. True?

All right, we'll be sleeping over I'll film it. Wait now that I'm single, would you have you guys ever thought about inviting me into the bedroom?

No, Sean, do you think about it right now and tell me what you think.

As I'm sitting here cross legged. I've had my benefier today, so I'll be fine.

I'll see what I'm cross legged as well. And you know we all have our reason.

Correct, there's no need because if there are, if they do bring a third person, it's always met.

True. I've never been an option. I've been out of reach now, but now I'm available with you.

Well, you can be the fourth wheel in this instance.

Yeah, I could be a four. Yeah, I could kind of just you know, watch no, but I call it added with like a spank or something. I doesn't have to touch. I could just like hit or kiss or span.

I was gonna say, if I'm inviting two tops in the room and I'm gonna be put on the fucking spirit, I should ever say in the.

Imagine three tops in the room, with you, Mitchell, Oh god, have.

You got that va alright.

Let's go.

We hope this podcast made you feel at least two percent horning out today. That's all. So we do, So we do, go.

On to so we do Seohn, you look great. Yeah, you have a God.

I was just going to say, it's all the fake tan. I'm actually wretched underneath it.

I do not look good.

I'm pale, I'm I'm turned on either way.

But all right, we should go super our final episodes of the year next week.

One week to go. When he gets.

Yeah is It just Me?

Podcast by a couple of mitches.

Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app.