#169: Balls Deep In A Rat

Just posted by a couple of mitches.

Delease yourself for the rude shocks of young adults.

Wood.

So I'll begun a wicked as a cowboy because it's the Halloween weekend. We're wearing costumes and I'm going as a cowboy.

It's a wicked No, No, you can't do that. You can't imagine if I went to a titaning exhibition as a Mario brother. It doesn't make any better.

It is, and miritual coups, Hello you, good to see you, welcome back.

I literally haven't seen you the whole time we had that week off.

I know the break and can I see that break went so quickly?

It did, actually, but I wouldn't WoT have had any longer off. It was a good little refresh, Yeah it was. Can I tell you, by the way, during our one week off, Yeah, I couldn't wait to come back because I received some amazing, wonderful news.

Oh what happened?

I've found Franco who remember my hairdresser? You don't remember.

Prose keeper Jenna's here? Hold on, hold on, I thought you were talking for some reason about your glasses. I'm like, fuck, did we name the glasses?

No, no, my hairdresser. Remember I was heartbroken. Yes, he resigned and vanished.

He was The Wiggles. He was Dorothy in the original cast production of The Wiggles.

That's not correct, Captain feather Sword understudy.

He was in Amanda's episode of The Wiggles.

Really, Amanda, Kelly your boss?

Yes, to find that out. We're doing appro check.

They slept together. Yeah, okay, So where was he? Oh, don't tell me birthday and marriages. He's dead.

No, no, no, no, no no, because remember I had no way of contacting him, he had no social media.

Yeah, this is Mitch's hairdresser who, without any notice left.

I've been loyal to him for like five years now ghosted you let you. I got a message on Instagram and it was kind of ominous. This woman just said to me, I know where Franco is, and I said, tell me everything you know, and then she sent a photo of him working in a salon and she goes, he's my colleague.

Now, oh my god.

And guess what what. He passed on his number so I'll never lose him again.

But I don't understand why he didn't even tell you.

Well he did, he just doesn't have social media, so we asked someone that does have social media to tell me. It was quite sweet. He was tracking me down at the same time.

Oh oh oh oh, I thought you meant a listener was like, hey, I found Fiero for you, but Fiera contacted you.

No Franco, but Franka.

Oh sorry, who am I talking?

You've got Wicked on the brain.

I do have Wicked on the brain. I do. Yeah, I saw Wicked, so I'm thinking of you love it. I absolutely had the best time.

And I seriously went dressed as a cowboy to see Wicked. The music that was horrific.

I can admit now live on the record that I did not go as a cowboy.

Oh so you did it?

No, I did it. As if I do that, I just want to just stir the idiots.

It's a photo on our Instagram.

Yeah, I put that up. I went on a date the night before, to a Halloween date. Actually it was just a restaurant.

We dressed up, so the cowboy outfit did happen, but you didn't wear it to the.

Theater, correct. And then I then went to Wicked on another date and was dressed normally.

Thank fun.

I know that and can I say. As I was sitting in the audience, I thought, yeah, I could not have dressed as a cowboy.

It would have been ridiculous.

Oh my god. And in all those somber moments, like the chaps would have just squeaked on my inner thighs and they were askedless chaps, it would not have been good.

Thank god, you listen to our advice.

Thank you for the advice. I really did love Wicked because you guys love it, right, you guys are obsessed. You've got the snow globe and you've seen Jennifer Weeks backstage.

Yeah, this is how much he loved it. Jenna. He said to me, can we reenact a scene from Wicked on the podcast?

Oh my god.

I did never been more fucking excited. I had an idea of yours. I was like, absolutely, I know what scene we're doing. It's happening. Yeah, that's gonna happen in our Wednesday episode, episode one seventy.

We're doing an acting class. That's amazing. And need I remind you that I have studied theater, so I am very ready for this. When fifteen, I said in New York, oh, she didn't didn't have the guts.

She didn't have the guts.

Jenna, if you're gonna be a bitch, you have to have the guts.

I was so proud of you being there.

I'm halfway there.

She's somewhat at the last hurdle. When to say, when, God, I'm gonna start doing it to you too, go on to do you well? Just you wait, Well, we don't waste our words like you, So that would be an opportunity. No, that's very hard to do.

I'll be the nice one of the show that doesn't bother me, do I who's going to be Alphabet?

I think you said you wanted to be Glinda. I do want she was your favorite character, the good Witch. I'll be Alphaba, the Wicked Witch. This is happening on Wednesday.

But let's be real. I mean that is the perfect casting for the show, I think so. I mean you were definitely Alfie.

I would say Elfie.

Yeah. The lore of it's really confusing, like the green the gatorade that she drinks. It's all a bit confused.

And Todd McKinney.

Came out, I'm like, what God with the stars anyway? All right that it's Wednesday show, I'm very excited.

I mean, I may as well mention while we're at at that on Wednesday's episode, we're also doing other talkback things. I said in our last episode when we did talkback things, I said, I'm going to do a welfare check on John Laws because we haven't checked on him in a while. Oh my god, he's in finer form than ever. Great, just say okay, oh my god, I can't wait to play that things.

That's Wednesday today. Yeah, we're here and we're on and we're live.

That was me letting you do your usual spiel. Oh have we had enough catch up up to you?

Don't have any questions for you, Jenn, I don't any I've got no questions about Now you're pilates? Yeah, still going? Yeah?

How was there just an hour ago?

If it's your first time listening, we start every show the same with it. Is it just me something we've noticed? Hey to appreciate. Now today we both have one each. Mitch doesn't know mine. I don't know Mitches. That's how it works, correct.

Mine is actually about squish mellows.

Oh I love them.

Yeah, you gifted me my first of a squish mellow and I have feedback.

Well, I didn't invent the things.

I know you didn't invent the thing.

Do you want me to pass on the feedback?

Well, maybe I just won't do it then.

No, No, I'm not gonna be a dick. Wait, I feel like this is negative. All I've done is talk up squish mellows.

Love my heath and Selenia.

You've got a heath, do you? What do you have? You've got a collect camello? Yeah, camelo, and I've got some sort of dumb dinosaur. I hate my squish mellow?

What's its real name?

I don't know why do you hate your squish mellow? You're the one that swears by them.

No, no, I told you, but I missed my original two. It's still still tender for me. Our idiots also love squish mellows. They're sending us in this squishmallows that they have all right, interesting, Mitch, will get your take on them.

I don't know why you still miss your old squish mellows when you literally told me you used it to prop someone's ass.

Okay, that's enough.

Imagine the remnants lingering on those God, I'm glad you didn't keep them.

How revolts call actually, yeah, they do work very well for that purpose. All right, my agent will just jump in for all. Right, here we go.

Is it just.

Did that cough get picked up? Sorry?

I accident here.

Looked at me. I tried to turn my microphone off, but I think it got picked up in your mic because I was like, what, sorry did I.

I'm wearing different headphones today. I actually just got swept up in that moment. I was appreciating the fucking brilliance of that sound effect, like, oh, is it always hurt that much? Depth?

Oh? Really? And then I just coughed a lurgi up into the air. Well if you heard that cough, that was for you. Oh, now I have to do it again. I've ruined the flow of the show. Sorry, right, No, no, no, I want to do it again. I'll do it again.

Is it just me?

Are you also struggling to get into our therapist?

Yes?

Are you too?

Yes? What is wrong?

Is it because we've mentioned her on the show that she's now the most popular therapist in the country.

I don't know what's happened, But normally after an appointment, her receptionist still send a list of like next available appointments. Take you pick here's three or four. I didn't even get that email this time. Yeah, so I emailed and said, Yo, how do I get back in to see the shrink lady?

Yeah?

I heard nothing.

Same.

Is it because it's the end of the year and they go on breaks and stuff?

Well, are people famously excited at the end of the year because it's Christmas? Everyone's happy. You don't need to shrink in December.

Everyone's happy in December. Some people get depressed at Christmas and stuff.

That true, but the summer most people are depressed. Him winter in the cold months, shoe, I've got headspace. I listened to that British man. That's what he's told me.

Listen.

The only reason I ask is going to have to do my therapy on this show. Now, Sorry, what do you mean? Well, I can't talk to my therapist, so next best as you two?

Oka? Fuck? What about laughline? For God's sake? Eleven fourteen.

I've never called lifeline, but I feel like, is lifeline four Like? Is it dire or lifelines for just to have a chat?

Anything? Really?

Really?

I mean maybe it's like crisis management. Yeah, typically, but you know they're never going to say don't fucking call us with this nonsense.

Yeah, right, I wonder if you could call them with immediate like, oh guys, i've lost my Apple Watch. Have you checked under the couch darling? No, you couldn't call them with that, that is you okay, good, and I don't suggest that. Don't waste the resource now it's publicly funded. No, I'm just at these weird crossroads. So you know, being single is like, oh, I feel and Jenny, you can relate to this. You've been single a while and how long will you single for Midge?

Ever? Forever?

Yeah? Now you've got Sean. But I'm kind of at this weird point where I'm dating. I'm happy and I love dating. But then it's also like, you know how everyone says being single is the best point in your life because you learn so much about yourself and while you're single, you should really learn to be happy being alone and being content that way, when you find a partner, you don't really need them, it's just because you want one, right, Like, that's kind of the mantra that everyone says, like be

Do that?

Yeah? Yeah, the self cleaning ovens. There's a button, you press it and it cleans everything.

Get fucked. Sorry, we're supposed to be talking about your spirit.

Yes, No, it's a good analogy. The whirlpool ovens are great. You press clean and it internally cleans them.

Where do you get them?

I'm pretty sure a good guys any White good store. Yeah, for sure, bing Leader, I'll check it out. Just ask Nancy Lee. Anyway you press about it self clean. That's kind of where my heads at. I'm like, that's where I want to get to. But now I'm like, oh, I really think I want someone like I want a partner. And I'm conflicted because I'm thinking, is that a bad thing to want to have someone? Because I think what I'm learning from this whole singletom is that I'm better

I think so. But also I don't know. I don't know because I'm not a therapist. But I don't know if that logic is correct that you're better with someone else.

Yeah, wells not better, But I think I enjoy, like I get more fun out of life. Like if I go through Maca's drive through on my own, very sad and depressing. But if I go through with that No, but in my mind, I'm like, I wish someone was here with me. Could we listen to music and we could play improv games with the teller and do accents.

That sounds like a great time. You never invited me. You've got friends, that's true.

Actually, maybe I just need to spend more time with my friends. Yeah.

No, it has been a while because when you first became single, you were much more available and active with your social life.

I'm seen you, I've seen anyone in the last month with this tour the tourist now done, mo fucked.

Tber is over. Oh god, I was done.

But do you ever get sad? Jena being like, do you get sad? Like alone? I wish I had someone.

I do I do get sad, but I don't think, oh I wish I had someone.

Yeah, that's the thing.

I think, like, oh, it would be.

Nice to have someone, But I don't think all the time, Oh I wish having someone would change how I feel and all that interesting.

So maybe I need to not rely think about relying on someone.

I think that's a good conclusion to come to because it was similar for me. It's like, yeah, I imagine myself having a partner down the track, but it's not like I was sitting around going, ah, i'm single. Yeah, what's the point of live?

No, I'm not. I'm definitely not at that point. I'm not at that point. But it's like, God, I feel like I'm just built to have someone. You know.

I will say it's important to date if you fuckheads? Oh really Yeah, Like I said that, I was single forever, but that's excluding all the myriad of Situationships and every dickhead along the way taught me what I will and will not tolerate in a man. So it's good to date cockheads from time to time.

That's true. I haven't had a cockhead.

Yeah, okay, anyway, well that can be arranged if you're a cockhead playscar jingle, that's the number to call.

Should we even played it yet? Officially?

Is it too soon?

If you want to ruin my fucking gym, I'm about to cry?

All right, Well, if you're what you need when you're about to cry, it's killing Clarkson, very true.

Okay, Well, if you're a fughead, hit us up.

I f till nob.

Zero two.

Tone. Yeah, there you go. That's the number to text. We need someone to just toy with Mitchet's emotions.

Oh my god, this is actually a really good experiment. I want a date a fuckhead. Oh I love this.

I've got the number of quite a few too. You'll saved in my phone if you.

Need connect me with them.

Please.

I've only had good I've only had really good dates. And it gets to the point where I'm like, oh god, I'm gonna have to like stop talking to this person because I don't want to commit. Like it always ends in commit you know what I mean.

When you say always it's happened once.

No, no, no, no no. I've been talking to people and it gets to like the point where it's either we go to commitment or it's like we kind of just phase out or I say no, you know.

Yeah, and I've bitched about it before it or I always seem to get to that point and it always fades out.

Interesting.

Three month curse is what I used to refer to it, to the point where I literally warned Sewan about it when we were just seeing each other we weren't official, and say, just so you know, I might go a bit crazy around three months because it'll be antsy as to where we're going. And he's like, okay, and son of habituated. Four months, Shit, make it official.

Three months. I'm at three months with someone. I've been dating someone for three months.

And now you're at a cross roads. I'm telling you the three month game interesting. All of a sudden, every time I'm dating someone, it gets the three month mark and all of a sudden heightened anxiety. I'm like, what is this?

Wow?

This is great.

Guys. Don't don't sell yourself short. This is good therapy. That's what I needed, just to chat it out with exactly your friends, right you two friends?

Yeah, you'll swipe your Medicare card on the way out. Please is it just me?

You can follow the show online just search a couple of miches.

If you don't you're a dickhead. Hey, speaking of fucked toe by being done and dusted. Yes, I'd like to officially welcome everyone to Mugvember. Wow, it's not the world's greatest pun, but during the month of Mugvember, our brand new season five mugs are on sale.

Oh my god, yep, we've got mugs.

They're available.

I wanted to get in the poor sound effect, but I only had the horse ready.

That's fine.

Giddy up, giddy up, fucking mugs, guys, And yeah, you're right, the mugs are gorgeous. We're in our Teal era.

Yes, the beautiful Teal mugs. And if you head to the Lincoln our Instagram bio. I'll pop the link in the Facebook group too. Actually, and the fucking shaded description I'll put it everywhere. So we're taking mug orders until the end of November. And if you have a look on the website, it's got a never before seen photo of the three of us.

Yep, like a rare Pokemon card. You got to collect it.

I think we look quite iconic. Actually, you and I are standing there like we're fucking SVU detective from Law and Order. And then you got Jenna in the middle of it's.

Like, Hi, Yeah, you look like Marushka Haggerty if she was kind of just chill.

We're doing that pose where it's like, what do you call it, like the the intense smiles, like smiles, we're smiling. We're smiling our tits off. And then Jenna, it's just there like a little infant.

Yeah, smile.

It looks like there's yeah, we photoshopped in, but you're actually with it.

No, I was there at the moment. We're all smiling.

Actually, that's the last full family photo we had because contracept. We've diaphram. Sam got rest his soul took that photo.

It's still alive and well.

Hey you know, and of course before the tsunami got him. He's all right.

So you get the new mug. If you've got all the old ones, you've got to add this one to your collection. Now.

Yeah. Someone messaged the Facebook group the other day saying, I've had this mug for two years. They had one of the season one or season two mugs, and she said, I just went to wash it, hand wash it, and I for the first time ever, looked on the bottom and there was a secret message on the bottom.

Yeah, especially because you can buy ones that you and I have signed. Yes, and sometimes you go a bit fucking rugged with the texter and it's right shit on there and I'm always there, going, don't write in the mug, They'll get ink poison it.

Oh yeah, I wanted to write in the mug, which is like they're going to pass away how much shit like that mushroom case in Melbourne. I'm going to rest for killing someone. So mugs are officially available. Go buy one and supports us keeps us going. It's a free podcast. You don't buy a mug support your pals.

Yeah, exactly, and I will say we just step our pusse up every mug drop the season one's that little piece of shit with our emojis on it. Yuck.

Oh my god. Remember our emoji era.

It was very lazy of us.

It was very new. We were new. Podcasting was the wild West farm Frontier, you know.

And plus this could have crashed and burned, have been an epic fail.

True.

We've only thrived exactly since with our beautiful teal mugs.

Yeah, goable from now to the end of November, and yeah, we'll start sending them out not immediately. We want to get all the orders in November, but that'll be there in time for Christmas. That's a promise.

Perfect for a cuppa all afternoon coffee. Listen to the podcast and use your mug.

Also, while I'm doing a bit of self promo, can I just you know, do even more flogging over here? Little promo?

We got mugs of your own?

No, I don't have mugs of my own. By the way, speaking of that, where the fuck is my Hot Girl Walk T shirt?

Oh, they've been officially shipped today. Everybody, Hot Girl Walk merch has been shipped. It's coming this week. Apologies, we had distributed issues.

Well that it's my promise. The mugs will get there quicker than a Hot Girl Walk shirt from cheering.

Well, the Hot Girl Walk shirts, so they're coming. It's a Hot Girl run, you know, like they're coming out a slow pace.

Those shirts threugh no fucking.

Shirts really took their time. Apologies, every but the shirts are coming if you purchase, thank you, of course.

But know what I wanted to plug with my Perth gig.

Oh?

Yes, yes, yes, I saw the cover to Perth for the first time. Yes, November. Oh I should know this, shouldn't I eighteenth nineteen Oh we close. I being an Adelaide on that day.

I watched you live last night. That's why I know. Oh good, I was driving home watching it.

It's like, I'm not sure if that's the sort of thing you sh'd admit, maybe don't do that.

I was a passenger. I have a driver, now do that. That's what happened.

Yeah, because that's what I say when I'm on a bus just driving.

Yeah, of course I drove the bus in yeah. Yeah, because God, I saw you making clips. So eighteenth in Adelaide, So you've never been to Perth.

Seventeenth and eighteenth an Adelaide and then nineteenth in Perth. It's going to be a yeah, squeezing all into one week.

So I went to Perth for the first time two weeks ago. I know it's actually gorgeous.

I'm kind of worried that I'm going to fall in love with it and never want to leave. If everything I've heard about Perth, I'm like, sounds right up my fucking alley.

Small country town, no traffic. It's a beautiful dry heat right by the coast, the sunsets in the sea.

Gord jous. That's amazing about Darwin.

Yeah, it's so cool. It's beautiful.

Although I think I might be a fuck with because I couldn't figure out why the sun was setting on the beach in Darwin, because it's north. The sunsets in the Weds. Why the fuck did I get a sunset over the.

Beach in Dartwouth. Where's Darwin? Darwin's north at the top we would have been setting like kind of like in the middle right beach in the land.

Who it was like right over the beach. It was really weird. Maybe we're on a peninsula facing west.

Where's the moon? Man? That is so confusing?

It is confusing, isn't it.

Yeah, you're a Leo right, yes, yeah that's why. All right, Well, congratulations on the Perth shows. True, that's very exciting and it's the same show water off a Duck's clip.

Yes, But because I didn't take my show to Perth last year, I might throw in some of the best bits. The first two.

Amazing, my greatest hits to it. If you're like, well, can I admit something? I don't know if you do this, Mitchell, but I had I did it in October. I was opening for the Life on Cut podcast to it, and I had ten minutes of gear of stand upset and by the end it was the same set and I was doing it all the time. So do you ever add a joking like if you feel an improv one in the moment? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I did. But it really it was really bad. What do you

Oh my god.

And then everyone went oh, like one of those laughs, like they're like they're laughing, but like, oh yes, yes, like we shouldn't laugh, but we are. And then I went relaxed. Nobody died, Oh someone did, So you're a bit.

Like the Malaysian airlines of comedy. The jokes always land.

No, no, that's exactly right. And now I've done my stand up for a month, I'll never be seen again.

You know what to open for me?

Now?

And never mind?

Oh my, that would be iconic. Who's opening for you?

No one?

Actually do you need an opener?

Well, last time I had opening access because I was nervous that I wouldn't feel an hour, and then I kept getting in trouble for running over. So now I just feel like.

You don't need anyone? What that would be such an iconic And now you've said it maybe a surprise.

Well, we're planning to do our podcast live shows eventually, so you need We don't need to open for each other. We'll just both be on stage.

Oh my god, imagine that. What if we did like ten minutes each and then you're in the audience. Of course, jenmen, you'll get family and friends, right, it's really acts.

Oh shit, Well I don't get tickets.

You'll get them after you pay it to the website. I'll give you a QR code. You'll be fine.

Discount take into the board. Of course.

Hey, how are you well? We're the board?

All right? Absolutely, she doesn't pay for fuel. She's fine, she's.

Just well, I drove the bas Come on.

That's very true. I have to shout out a bunch of idiots that came to the Canberra show, The Life un Cut Show. Someone flew from Tasmania to see me open an idiot.

How yeah, I didn't tell me that.

Yes, so we had I had about six. Actually, can you post the photo if you're listening. I had the about it Jennifer edited in No, No, there was so many of them. Six there were six idiots all up and they all kind of like were waiting backstage and I saw one and then they kind of everyone's always waiting for Brittany and Laura and there's never a line for me. There's like one person and they think I'm Brittany but a bit swollen. I'm like, no, I'm missed anyway.

That's my favorite part.

It looks like the best part. It's so sweet. So then I had that and she flew up from Tasmania. So thank you, and you're listening anyway, tickets. Where are your tickets? Mitch?

Just on my Instagram?

The Lincoln by love It mug October is on everyone member a close but yeah, well lucky to do it in December. What would that be mug Sember. It's terrible.

That sounds awful.

Yeah, that's great, deck ugba.

Well I'm trying to put a mug after.

December decemb mug? Should I do my what do we a?

Yeah?

Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're ready?

Yeah?

Sure?

Is it just me? Just squish Mellows ruined Romance?

Oh?

I knew I had a feeling this is going to be negative. I have already said on the record that I used to use my squish mellow to prop the hips up, so I have not I think that.

The up were your exact words.

I feel well, I'm not that vulgar, was I? Yeah? It was from Home episode Jenna. Sorry, I wasn't in the right mind. What do you mean? How tell me?

I feel like a third wheel in my own relationship now? Ever, since you gave me that stupid stuffed rat.

It's not stupid, he's holding a donut. Gen know, it's dumb. His fucking rat is holding a donut. I love stupid. What do you mean? What's happened?

You know how you might have those mornings. This is sorry to trigger your fucking sensitive single time, but cast your mind back to when you shared a bed, you know what, those cute mornings where you might have a little snuggling bed like you're spooning. Of course, if for instance sake, I'm the big spooneh which, by the way, rare. It's not even that rare. It should be more rare. Sean is so tall, like the proportions are all wrong.

Oh, you're true.

Yeah, and he always seems to sleep quite high up in the bed. You know, when you're spooning someone from behind, you're the big spoon. Yeah, you kind of your chin like nettles into their shoulder. Yeah, my nose is buried in his back. I'm like, can you slide down anyway?

That's a site that another issue is too long for you.

Anyway, on a normal occasion, if I'm the big spoon, yeah, all I have to do is just like let go and all over face the other way. And he takes the hint. Even if he's deep in sleep, he fucking picks up on the queue. He'll become the big spoon right ever since that bullshit squish mellow came along. I'll drop the hint. I'll roll over and be like my dad had to be a little spoon. But no, he's content. He's clutching onto that fucking squish mellow. For dear life,

Oh no, you've been replaced.

I have a fuck. And I didn't even notice that when I was the big spoon, he had a fucking third spoon the whole time.

Oh so there were actually two big spoons and a little spoon.

He loves it. I was a ladle, he was the big.

Yeah yeah, yeah, more of a spatchelor in the middle. Yeah no, yeah no, he's obsessed with that thing. They're so comfortable.

I can't get a look in.

So see, I thought the problem was going to arise because I've had someone over at my house with my squishmallow on the bed and I actually hid it in my wardrobe because I didn't want them to see, because I thought it was very embarrassing.

Oh why he.

Talk openly about it, not for like a first time in my bed. I suppose so you know what I mean, like later on, you know, like I don't I want to reveal that towards the end or if it's going to become something. If you know it's going to be one time, you don't need to know that. I cut all the fu squishmel overy night.

Yeah, I mean maybe I should start harden it from Sean because I'm not saying it ruins romance because I'm embarrassed by because he prefers it.

Well, have you have you tried the propping up of the hips?

No?

Okay, No, that fucking animal in my bed, it's already stolen must snuggles. It's not fucking getting involved. It's not going to be a third wheel during that time.

Yeah, and it's got beauty lies. Imagine not looking back up at Sean.

It looks so smug.

It does yours.

When I looked and went, oh my god, he's spooning the squish melw that fucking thing looked at me like it sucks.

Shit. I don't think. I think it's in your head and I think you need to call a therapist. We're both clearly very overdue.

All I know is that he wouldn't bloody roll over and it wasn't just a subtle hint. When I realized, oh, he's not taking the hint, I started literally like putting pressure on the shoulder, been like, roll this way right, and it wouldn't.

But it was your nose that was pushing the pressure into his back. Was it?

No? No, this is when he rolled over?

Yeah, I got it.

And then I rolled over and I was like, where to go? Hello?

Is he holding it with both of his arms? Is he like, is cuddling the thing?

Yes?

Oh yeah, So you looks normal when you when you're on your arm, because I do the same. Oh, Mitch, I feel for you. Yeah, thanks for that, And inadvertently that's me. I'll put a wedge in your relationship. You secretly trying to get your singles so you can be depressed with me.

That is true.

Come to a dark sart. It's very sad.

And then when he actually sort of woke up, he was like, oh morning, how did you sleep? And I was like, not as good as you? Evidently, yes, right in front of me. You're in front of my fa. I was rejected.

He doesn't even have the guts to put a cloth over it. Now he's doing it in broad daylight, jeetters Hash.

And I just kept facing that way in the bed, like away from him after I'd rolled over, and like, you know what you did?

Yeah?

What if you like?

It? Just squished mellow starts appearing like you're cooking dinner and it's just sitting at the darking table.

I mean it is still cute. Yeah, just my bedspread beautifully.

Yeah, it does that.

That little motherfucker. It's coming from my.

Man, ruining your relationship, home wrecking fucking rat.

Couldn't have said it better myself. Actually get stuffed. Oh wait, you already are It's not possible.

All right, we should get out of here. What is yours again?

Jenna Selenia?

Yeah, it's a dragon?

No, Selenia is a cat.

Heath is a rainbow dog. But I thought it was a rainbow cat.

You know what I want to get on the show, Mitch, and I will make it my personal mission. Sure the dumb that comes up with these stupid, fucking squish mellows, imagine the board meeting. Oh my god it have you read dragon a dog with donut?

Have you read the descriptions of them?

No?

Oh, Heat's description?

He where does Heath come from and Selenia like, what business does the rat have with a donut?

And the proportions are way off, just like when spooning Sean. That rat is like the size of a basketball holding a normal sized donut. It's just not possible.

What business does a rat have with a donut? Great question?

This is Selena.

Selena wishes she could hug everyone, but her immune system has to work a little bit harder in order to fight off germs.

She said it fucking sick, squish mellow.

She sticks to fist pumps and air high fives to say hello. She's a huge fan of French baking and is striving to perfect her flaky croissantto do you want to help her taste test?

What that's ridiculous?

That's ridiculous, Selenia.

So you have an immuna That one is cute.

You have an immuno suppressed, squish mellow. Can you find Mitch's donut?

Ye?

See what's going on there?

It's called camilla with donut. I didn't bother to get to know it.

I'm going to google mine. Here's mine mine.

We can't keep going down the same fucking rabbit o squish mellows.

Okay, Camillo, Yeah, meet Camillo. Camillo is a musical theater major, what the fuck?

And their dream is to be on stage there.

On. Camillo is non binary.

Yes, wow.

Camilla has been taking voice, dance and acting lessons for years and knows all the words to the big musicals. Do you want to sing and dance with Camillo?

Mitchell's actually perfect for you, not particularly, I don't want to sing or dance with Camilla.

So that little slut is going to UNI by day and then sleeping with your man.

I already graduated apparently or is it still at unis?

It must be still because it's a musical theater major.

When he's not sleeping with my man, she's going into a lecture?

Is it nier?

Good? Fuck?

Zorena is the banana slug squish mellow. Zorena has memberships to all the museums in her city, So I'm sleeping with a woman. Whenever she has a free day to herself, she swings by to check out the new exhibits. The Natural History Museum is her favorite, and she almost has all the collectives. Would you like to join Serena on an next museum visit?

When is Arena exactly.

What about my other one? Heath is a pride husky. He is a member of a talented acting troop, the wolf Pack. Though Heath was born husky, he moves, sounds, and acts like a wolf. His fellow actors agree and are happy to include him where he.

Belongs on stage, front and center.

Wow, I'm sorry, but that's so interesting.

Are we done with Squish Mellow chat?

I think we're done with the show. Everyone, don't forget mugs available now. It's mug Vember. Go get tickets to Kombsa's gigs. Yes, and we will have a new episode out Wednesday. Speaking of Yeah, you're Squish Mellow doing a musical theater degree. Oh yes, yeah, we're gonna You're obviously trying to improve, so Sean will cuddle you.

As I'm about to display on Wednesday. I don't need a degree. When we do our scene from Wicked, I don't need any training. I mail it.

That'll be when, in fact, I might even go off book.

I don't even think i'll need the scripts.

Real off book means that you've learned your lines. That's an Actually I knew that, not my first time off book.

Bruh.

Sorry, just saying I'm on book. I don't know them. I couldn't be further. This book is in me. All right, that's Wednesday. Everyone will see you soon. Have to listen, idiot, fae, is it just me?

A podcast by a couple of miches.

Make sure you've get to follow on your podcast.

Welcome to a to D brief. This is our secret segment.

On the end.

We pretend the show's done, but it's not. We just keep talking ship a couple of people with a D haven't a de brief. That's all it is.

That squishmallow chat felt very add brief.

Yes it did, didn't. The lines are getting a bit blurry.

Took a sip of water. Sorry, expect to Jennet to fill that void, but she stood stared at me.

Time.

We have to say, Mitch. By the way, the news this week that bogan Gate Pub won. What did they win? It was best The best.

Pub is the AHA New South Wales Awards. So the pub lokis yeah, New South Wales and they got people's choice as in my people's choice.

That's you know, let's really the.

One leading the fucking charge. Let's be encouraging everyone to vote, and everyone got behind it.

What was you versus the homophobic pub in Melbourne in many.

Yeah, I would love to see how many votes each got.

It was a clearly landslide winner.

Bogan Gate Pub would have gotten I voted, Manley would have got like twenty.

Did I tell you that that place in Manley eventually got back to me. They're applied to the email.

Well, it made press, it was in the headlines.

Well, I found out that it's one of our listeners' rights for a publication in Perth.

Yeah, we love them.

And they DMed me asking for a comment and then they said, oh, we've also reached out to the venue for comment and I got an email reply about half an hour after that, but they left it a week so they only replied me because they were spooked by a journalist reaching out. Of course, they eventually got back to me. They offered me a free brunch. I said, I'm not coming back, babe, never, And they were kind of defending themselves up, being like, no, we're not homophobic. We had drag queens here once.

Oh, come on.

They walked by and said looks nice.

They said, get me the fuck out of this.

That's so funny. We're not homophobic. Here's a free brunch. Sligh Queen books the house down. Sorry you were hate crime in our bathroom. Sis sashet to the hospital.

But it wasn't a problem, as it turns out, because we flogged them. I knew we would.

Yeah, of course true.

And you know, I will say a congratulations on winning the AH Award. B Congratulations Mitch on giving Fitzi from Fitzy and Whipper his first panic attack.

Yeah, well done.

Congratulations Well Fitzi and Whipper. They're a radio duo in Australia for the international listeners on Nova, which is my competitor, and they're lovely guys. I know them. They're very sweet. However, Fitzy was hosting and that event gave him a full blown panic attack, the first he's ever had.

How do you know?

He said, and I quote there were people in the audience that made him feel uncomfortable.

I had a panic attack. Yesterday. It was the Australian Hotels Association New South Wales Awards and it's a great day We hosted it last year with It's a brilliant day out. It was at Ranwick Race Course. Would have been about twelve hundred people there caked. So we're getting ready for it, and we've got the rundown and there's forty eight awards that you've got to get through. It's a big day.

What kind of awards are they handling in Steake Sandwich?

Yeah, a Betellia of the Year.

Best Metropolitan Hotel, Best regional Hotel, hotly. I've always got a little bit nervous talking in front of crowds, right, and I in my heart rate will elevate and I'll go okay, just if I'm prepared. I'm okay. But yesterday there was a moment where I grabbed whip and I said to him, I'm having a panic attack.

I was surprising. That fits because you talk for a living like that's what you do every morning, and you come in here and you seem super confident. You've always got something to offer, and you're great being you.

What was different about it?

Why?

I don't know. There were moments where I was looking out into the crowd and looking at certain individuals and I'm going, oh my god, that guy's going to slay me when I get on stage.

And I hate to say that. I have a theory. Was it you that threw off Australia's most beloved AFL turned radio broadcast to Fitzgerald Ryan run for reality show, Reality shows, reality show Did you give him a death stare?

He did not interact with him at all.

The Whip with Kate Richie on Wednesdays and Fridays, whatever that show is at the moment, he said he had a pending that because someone in the crowd threw him off, and I think it was you.

No, we were sitting pretty far away from the table.

He's got good eyesight.

He's got good eyesight, he's got his an ex footy player.

Yeah, he was on Big Brother.

He was on Big Brother.

Well, I'm not accepting responsibility for that. I had nothing to do with that.

I just found it so weird. He's like, I have my first panic attack and the then I hosted yesterday, and then I saw your story saying fitzyper hosting and all fell into play.

Some of my close friends you know, now, you'd make me feel bad because I still have this loyalty in me to Kiss FM because I used to work here. Of course, the rival, of course I put as a joke to my close friends, which has like my friends and former colleagues on there I put as a joke, me going boom when they announced Fits were coming out. Now I feel bad.

Wait, it was of me, am I on your close friends.

Yeah you would have seen it.

Yeah, you saw it.

I also sent it in our group. Yeah, but you ignore that.

Yeah, I didn't ignore that. That was fucked. It was fucking October. But that's true, mug members. I'm okay, better and reply then correct. Well, Mitchell, what do you have to say to Ryan and the Fitz He is listening now, the fans are fit.

Well he sold it on marvelously. Well, yes, they did a good job. Yeah, it didn't look like he was panicking at all. Man, I'm not really going to assume that he listens to this, so I'm not actually going to craft a message for him, craft a statement. Yes, I don't need to do. I'm sorry about that Fits. Yeah, I seem to recall that on Big Brother his nickname was Frisy. When did he become Fitzy?

I don't think it was it fucking was frazy. Yes, called Chris this one Jenna getting the phone.

His nickname was Frisy at the start and then like towards the end of the season, the big brother. They started calling him Fitzy. I was like, we'd that come Frizy. Yeah, I'm not even kidding.

Maybe he knew he was going to transition into radio and he was like, it'll be Fitsy.

Yeah, but that makes sense because his name's last name is Fitzgerald. That makes a lot more sense. I don't know where fucking Frisey came from.

Well, congratulations on the win.

Yes, it's well done.

Yeah, you did very well. And what have you been up to, Jenna? Anything? Fun?

Yeah?

I'm helping organize Joon Cinnamanda's live show.

Everyone's doing a live show, aren't they.

Yeah, it's pretty full on.

What theater are they doing it at the coliseum in Athens? They're flying to Athens?

Now, true is not quite the same.

I was going to say, did they potentially want venue was old as they were?

They listened to this show?

Oh? Bullshit?

Yeah, bullshit?

Who do? Who does? I mean?

I'd be flatter if they did.

But I don't think Jonesy listens. Does he on his motorbike with his headphones on?

Jesus, you've had some inappropriate things about him Jonesy?

Yes, No, he had Robbie for Jenna. Remember that whole era where he was fucking horned up for you? No, I do remember what was that song that was really bad?

And one man whenever it was that was you said that he was besotted by Jenner's pussy power.

Yeah, And anytime she enters the office in the six am in the morning, this had play in his head slow motion to of course, VI Jenna's always covered. Every inch of her body is covered. There's no tip action.

There.

It is in reality. This is what plays in our head when she walks in. I'd love to see you do a lap dance to this.

Oh my god. You'd have to take off so many layers.

First, the course for what to take, then the livery, my collots, now the long John's, the chain mail, now the shackles, my linten sheath, my tunic. I'm like, I'm over it. My erection's gone. I've still got ten more, ten more layers to go the midwinter. Oh dear, what would be your lap dance music?

I don't know. I've never thought about that, to be honest, I.

Think I'd do something like this. I'd go it would be really fun.

Man.

I'd like time you do like a daggy dad dance.

I can just picture finger guns.

I knew you were going to do the finger guns. I could just sense it. And this is how I do it really on the drop, Oh my god.

Slightly pulling my head out of my shirt.

With that terrifying green on your face.

Sorry, I'm just smiling, Okay, sorry like this, I'm having fun time anyway. I've never given a lap dance. No one's ever.

No, no one's ever asked either.

No one's ever. I've received one, have you? It was like essential dance from Do I want to know?

No?

Absolutely not.

I'll tell you something wild. Here's a wild story. What I had a dream recently. Oh not a great way to start a story. Everyone's already lost interest.

No, I'm into it because I know you have wet dreams, so this could go well.

I last spoke about it. Yeah, well with a dry dream, if you recall correctly, it.

Was actually yeah, just an internal combustion.

Yeah, I had a dream that I had a wet dream, and then I woke up and I actually didn't.

Wow, God confusing, isn't it strange? Thing?

And I was like, thank god, I didn't want to clean it up. Yeah, sure, Anyway, separately, this is actually speaking of fucking my mate FITZI panic attack. Yeah, so, actually, before I tell you about the dream backstory, I went to the beach with Sean recently, and the waves were a bit rough that day, like they were knocking me over. I could not stand up. It just kept knocking me over and thrashing me around, and I ended up leaving the beach with a really really fast heartbeat, tight chests,

Interesting, Wow, that's scary. I'm maybe now that the beach has been real informed. I was gonna say, the fucking beach triggered you.

It must have.

Wow.

I don't know that's true, but it's an interesting theory.

I've had a panic attack in my sleep before, and I asked my doctor very like, I woke up and my heart was racing and I felt so insanely stressed and then couldn't get back to sleep. Yeah, very weird. Yeah.

No, I managed to get back to sleep eventually, but I did wake up. As I was waking up, I was kind of like moaning, be like.

You know, You're like, you know, the only thing that will heal me in this situation is seeing my beautiful partner. And then he's fucking a squish balls deep in a fucking.

Round about to say those exact words balls deep in a Oh there you go, great minds.

He wasn't actually there that night when fuck the back of the rattle though, donut that he's holding interesting thing? Interesting question have to be Yeah, no, should ask him? No more squish meallow chat please for the god.

Well, I'm actually I feel like you've been driving their sales. You've been influencing people to buy squish Mellow. I'm anti influencing. I'm like, nah, fuck those rats they ruin your life.

They're not all rats. I've got a slug and Jenna has a musical theater major.

Oh, because the slug is so much cutter than a rat, a slug.

I didn't know mine was a slug.

I've got a pride husky and a cat.

That sounds like a furry Jenna. I've got a pride husky that's like that flag about the Newtown Hotel, a fury flag which I didn't realize what I thought it was for Venezuela. I've got the World cups on congrats, no fairy flag.

You know what else made me just recently, Yeah, like a lot of things have been happening that have made me jealous of Sean on first a squish mellow situation. And also my my niece Anna, she did a drawing and it was the drawing of a castle and a couple of stick figures and whatever. And my sister goes, oh, who were these people? And she's like, oh, the whole family are inside. Mummy's the queen, daddy's the king, and out the front the night guarding the castle is sewn on.

Oh? You weren't even written in No did you check under the bridge?

I had no role whatsoever. And No, I wasn't a troll. Fuck you? How dare you?

You could have been Rapunza with the hair.

I would have nailed that.

Actually you were now that.

No, I wasn't even cast in the castle drawing. That's a bit fucking rude, isn't it?

Were sewn tough to be the.

Oh of course of course he would, That's of course. And I said, by the way, you'd be a ship night. Let's be real. You want to be protecting her? You'd run in heart.

He would be a terrible That's so funny. Sean is so polite. I message him the other day, complimented him because he was hot in his instra story. I went, you look great and all black. He went, thanks, Mitch, but I should say it's actually a name shit and like he's so polite. He like corrected me, just so, just so, I don't want you in case navy you don't enjoy I want to full transparency.

I don't want to misleep.

Yeah, totally. I'm no. It doesn't matter, Sean, you look hot regardless. Thanks. Well, Mitch and I had the discussion maybe it's a duck green. I'm like, it's all good, it's black.

I done it.

You look hot. You look hot.

He's so sweet, Yeah, getting me Neglectsma snuggles.

Yeah for a fucking ram. I know, all right. Shall we go sho about my date at Wicked next week when we when we do on Wednesday, when we do the Wicked chat?

Actually, yeah, were your made as well? It's all incompany yeah.

Wicked theme? Yeah yeah, yeah, then we can call the episode.

I can't wait for that. I wasn't joking when I said, this is the most exciting idea you've ever pitched to me.

And I actually pitched it to you like the night off? Oh no, you messaged me the next day or something saying how was Wicked? And I think I said I loved it? Oh no, I had notes. I was like Elfie was shocking, etcetera, etcetera. I messaged Glender and said he was Glendy Glenda and I said, yes, I'm saying that. I messaged her and said you were so phenomenal?

Did you did?

She reply?

Yes, thank God, bless thanks.

You know that her sister is her understudy. What wouldn't you be spewing?

Nah, you'd be so thrilled.

Her sister had already played Glinda on like the Gold Coast version of Wicked. Yeah, they were like, yeah, you're good enough for Gold Coast, but your sister's getting Sydney.

That's fucking funny. Wait, I have an idea. Should we audition next week for our understudy? What we should have understudies for you and me and or Jenna?

Oh well, don't I already have one? Louis Hanson, you hid.

An audition, that's true, he was offer, only we need people that can play us perfectly.

Well, we've done this before, asked people to do with Mitchell Kuan's impression. No one even tried.

No one can. And people do Mitch during pressures, they just laugh loudly and cut their hands. Yeah, I think we should find our understudies.

All right, Well, I think it'd be easier to cast for you.

I don't think so those are really unique sort of magic.

Yeah, it's more like you're more impressionable though, and the people can do impressions. Oh, I get you. No one's ever been able to know yours is hard. No one will ever be good enough to feel.

No one will ever be able to nail you like a try has been for you. All right, Well, that WEEKD episode is Wednesday. Let's go, Actually we should.

Yeah, we better, we better get out of here. We hope this podcast made you feel at least two percent better today. That's all just two percent.

So we do, we do, so we do, So we do, and don't worry. Jenna has a role for Wednesday. Roll ax. She's been cast. She almost didn't and someone I will say, pulled out, and so you've got the role, Jenna.

I'm so glad.

Yeah, do we say who she's playing? They can probably fucking figure it out, can't they roach Fiero for yay she's the love interest in our Love Trying.

Yeah, well fighting over you ye A bit weird that they're fighting and Glenda and which not even sisters.

Not Glenda, It's Cleander, Glinda Comanda.

All right, Well that's Wednesday. Thanks for listening, guys, and I'll talk to you then.

It's Just Me, a podcast by a couple of mitches. Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app.