#165: Straight Dick Heads

This is just really posted a couple of mitches. Hello, ye, bless yourself for the rude shocks of young adults. Oh please, you're in bed with a cup of bloody hall licks by.

A tall licks.

And push you to slip. It's like a malt drink. Sounds like the slur I've heard that whole licks Michuri and Mitchell coups.

Hello youllo you Hello, this is very cozy.

Yeah, why don't you tell the people where we're broadcasting from today?

I've been seduced into Mitchell Cherry's bedroom.

Hello, what a diva? You're the second twink in my bed this week? You're not.

You did actually say to me, And this is interesting given the last few weeks you've been alluding to the fact that you wanted to pork me. When we first met. You did say to me, why don't we just lay on the bed? And I was like, you can lay down? Is there a chair I can sit on? That feels a little bit too intimate?

You made it really weird when old friends.

I know that's true. Are we close enough that if I got really blind drunk I could just crash in your bed? Absolutely? Am I going to really? I know that you wouldn't fiddle with me, but I'm like, I would feel like that. So I remember once I crashed on your couch and I felt like I was intruding.

No, because you know what, I remember that you crashed on the couch in the early days of my old relationship, and like it was new for me to live with another person. Yeah, but then you were in there, so we were all kind of like, is this is this? How do we operate this?

It was because I'd driven to your house, We're having a couple of drinks, and then we got a bit carried away. It was a fun night. It was fun, but I was like, can I just crash on the couch for a couple of hours until I can drive again? So I got up at like midnight or something, and I was like, oh, I'm sober, now I can go home.

Yeah, because we work up and you were gone. Yeah.

I wasn't intending to stay the night and be like make me breakfast, pease. But yeah, it felt weird, intruding, And so I'm like, do we have that sort of friendship where I can just crash in your bed?

I feel like if I met someone on a night out and we were just friends, I'd be like, come and crash in my bed. It doesn't bother me. Okay, that's interesting size bed. I find the way I'm sitting now. I'm in my bedroom in my childhood home, my family house, and I'm on the left hand side of my king bed. And then Mitch's pulled a chair and he's sitting at the end of the bed.

I've got me feed up, don't I do. We're very calm, comfy.

Look, this is my squish mellow.

Oh she's gone.

You've never felt one, have you? I have that? Actually, okay, well, don't feel mine, because I've got a gift for you. Really, I'm gonna have to crawl across the bed, so excuse me.

Where is the emotional support penis plush toy?

I got that. The dog took it and the dog has been humping at Hamish, my family dog.

Oh it's a dog toy. Now always it's a birthday present. Close your eyes okay open, Oh my god, I got you a squish mellow.

Oh wow, okay.

I'm just feeling it for the first time. Wishmellows are quite lovely. They're so lush. Wow.

Now, describe what you think it is. It looks like a rat holding a don't what is it? Yeah, as soon as I saw the rat, I thought of you. I wanted to get You're the most Australiana animal possible because I thought, you know you're a country boy. Yeah, you're as bussy as it gets. I wanted to get like a possum. So to me, it's a possum.

What's the occasion? Why am I getting a squish mellow? It's not my birthday or anything.

Because we said we'd get you on and then you said. I said you'd have to pick it yourself, but I knew you wouldn't.

Yes, I wouldn't do it. You know. I did go to one of those like arcade game things the other day. You know how you play those games. You hit the hammer, you score a certain amount of tickets, and then you go to the store afterwards, and depending how many tickets you won in all the games, you can choose a prize.

Yeah.

I only had like one hundred points. I needed two thousand to win a squish Mellow. I was so determined. I was like, I'm going to win my first squish Mellow. I wasn't even closed.

Did you get a slappy hand, one of those sticky hands.

No, I got like a pig stressful.

Oh you would love that.

Yeah, No, I was happy with my pig. But I'm also happy with this squish mellow.

How good? Isn't it? Like so lush and squish.

It's not what I was expecting. It's very different to a normal stuffed toy. Yeah, it feels like it's full of jelly squish Mellow's pat in you because sails are gone through the roof. I saw in our Facebook group so many people being like I got my first one after Cheery mentioned them.

I know, and they've all got names on them. What's your name? I think it's on a tag, but you can name it whatever you want. Maybe it came off.

So it's a possum, is it?

I think?

So where's the name?

I'm not sure? Actually, maybe I'm laying.

Oh I think I'm gonna have to google the only possum donut because I want to know its name.

Oh yeah, yeah, I think it might be a mouse if you want to get the actual.

Oh, I was right when I said rat.

I got it from Kmart. Yeah, it's quite cute. I went to kmart and they've got like the collaborations. Now fuck you think Squish Mellow are paying me? We should send them. They've got like Star Wars ones and laying King squish mellows.

Oh yeah, the bloody spider Man crap.

But I love mine. I've got a little yellow one. Like I said, I miss Chipley and Harris, my old tube. And what can you do? Oh? I think it's called Camillo yours. Yeah, Oh it's called Camillo with donut. Oh yeah, look at him. Can Camillo Parker bolts, by the way, while we're in your bed?

Can I just ask a question? Because ever since your birthday party here at this house, I've been waiting for some sort of reaction. But did you even notice that I fucked with your bedroom?

Oh? My god? Was that you? Yes? That was you.

Yes, You've swapped all your drawers around.

Confused, I'm surprised you didn't touch the sex toy drawer.

No, I didn't touch that one. That's right, your whole TV cabinet, your undies and socks, draw your bloody makeup stand over there, whatever you call it. I just swapped the drawers, Confuse. The top drawer was now the bottom drawer. I know I was waiting for some sort of reaction.

I haven't been home. I've been touring. You notice I've noticed, and it fucked me off because my sunglasses are now on the left. They used to be on the right. My bag's and no one's left.

It's so annoying, I will say. They're not actually easy. I thought I broke your cabinet. It was really hard stopping the drawers. I had to get a second pair of hands in here.

Yeah, I can imagine I had. I haven't changed them back for that reason, because I tried. Also, my shorts and it's so confusing. I've got to get my jeans, but they're where my shorts are. Fuck you. Also, did you turn my Nintendo switch upside and my candle? Yes, you're a menace.

I don't know why I find it so funny, just like turning shit upside down in people's houses.

You're such a pain. I didn't know who it was with me. Thanks a lot. Thanks.

I've done it before to other friends where I've just put their bed the other way, like the pillows are now at the foot of the bed.

Yeah, I think you've done it in my old house. It's an old proble. Really, you should have known it with me. Well, thanks a lot for that, Thank you for coming clean.

You're welcome.

The reason we're in my bedroom today is because I'm on the brink of some sort of breakdown. I'm in the middle of a national tour. It is so fucking insane, Like, yeah, oh my god, I'm exhausted.

It's like I said last week on paper, It's not like by going down to mine or whatever, but it just is. It takes it out of you being on flights here, there and everywhere. Oh and you're balancing your full time job in amongst flying to fucking Perth and all this shit. You've done Perth, right, Yeah, so I just did.

I did Perth and Adelaide this week, and by the time this episode is out, I'll have done the Sydney Show.

And the State Theater. Isn't that cool? That's wild?

I know.

I saw an evening with Nigel Lawson there recently at.

The State Theater.

Wow, it was gorgeous. It was the most wholesome evening of my life.

Do you think they'll add the credits of Nigella Lawson and Mitch Jury to their alumni on the website? You can go on the state Field, who's performed a stable of stars.

Yeah, the Barner Star. No, it was actually it was the weirdest evening ever. It was just her being interviewed by Matt Preston on stage. But I was just eating it all up. I was like, I could listen to Nigela just talk about meals all day.

Does she do that thing where she uses what is it? Is it not alliteration imagery or whatever it's called.

It wasn't that. There wasn't a lot of sexual innuendos in the live shirt. It was very wholesome.

She's just so well spoken.

Yeah, she was saying things like I think that even if you're preparing a meal for one, that's no excuse to just make some piece of shit that's just fuel. Like you should treat yourself and make this meal presented beautifully for yourself.

You know, nigelous, some of us are depressed, babe. Some of us can't be fun. Some of us absolutely can't

I know. It's the worst when I get a little bit distracted and then I.

Go, oh, fuck, I've overcooked the egg. There's going to be no runniness. I go, hey, Siries, start a seven minute timer. Now she's going to start at fuck, I've got nine series in my room. What about before? What happened? My Siries just started playing, Oh, there's like.

A little smart speaker in your room, and I apparently knocked it off the cabinet. I picked it back up, didn't realize I pressed a button when I was putting it back on the cabinet. And then it just announces now playing every song.

It did. It didn't even say all songs, insinuating every song. SI went now playing every song, just like starting with the national anthem. What I'm talking about that? What did it start with?

It was like Gangham style, something bizarre.

I think so awful. Anyway, the show today is from my bedroom.

Price keeper Jenna is not here. No, the most ridiculous excuse to date.

Well, I wasn't across that. You must have messaged privately, Yeah, I did.

Well. I told her okay, to make it easier on Mitch because he's on the brink of burnout and I know where he's coming from. I get it. We're going to head to his house on Saturday, which is very unusual for you to sacrifice your weekend. Yes, and she goes, I can't. I'm going to be in here and makeup all day.

Oh. I was like, who do you think you are? Well, the reason she's in here and makeup is because today, the day of recording it is the Australian Commercial radio all yeah.

The radio logis if you like, and Jenna's obviously getting dold up, but all day also.

I'm getting dold up. I'm a fucking presenter. Ye. And I'll get ready with it an hour to spare.

Yeah, because you're a man.

Yeah, all that's well. I feel like.

I have empathy when it comes to women getting ready because it takes me just as long with this long hair.

It would true. What do you have to shampoo that every time? Oh? God no, no, I only wash it once a week, once a week, interesting, I'm twice a week. Yeah, I've got hair, masks and shit that is in the meantime. This is riveting stuff.

But it's jennything hare and make up all day?

Can you believe? Is it?

Call her actually at one point and be like, should be weary about getting you nailstone?

Should be quickly caller now? Yeah, if you want, may as well. I'm connected to the desk. Which fad is she on? I think I've already put it on an app?

Oh, okay, the bluetooth. Yep, this is this a FaceTime? Yeah?

I wonder if you'll answer. She'll be busy in here and make up all day. She won't answer, Oh wow, she wasn't playing. She will be in here and make up book on her. She didn't pick up. Wow.

I'm very curious to see how she turns out in that case. I can't wait to see the fit.

Yeah another can I all right? Well, let's start the show. Show Mitchell. If it is your first time listening, we start every show with an is it just to me? So it's something we've noticed, something we hate or appreciate. We have one each. Mitch doesn't know mine. I don't know. Mitch's we're going in blind.

Do you want to kick things off for us today?

Yeah, mine's tour related. I'm on tour and it's I've got things top of mind. I'm in airports three times a week, So mine's mine's too related. It's not very it's so relatable. Well, people can travel, people fly. I think you all go first. You want to, let's get what's yours. There was an incident at a pub recently. Oh no, I've just got to stop going out, don't I I was going to say, I was just looking at your face to make sure your glasses are on your head.

Yeah, I've got the new glasses. Isn't worry. But yeah, first I had the drink spiking. And then there's been another incident. I'm just going to become a herm and I reckon.

Fuck, I don't know about this one either.

Yeah, well I'll let you know.

Okay, cool, Right, let's start. Is it just me? Do you find it weird that if your pilot flying the plane was a learner, you just never know about it. Well, how do we know it's not their first day?

That's true, that's not something that'd ever disclose, is it no, like, how do we know it's not their first time flying a literal plane because every pilot would have to have a first day flying.

That's true.

They always talk about the pilots as if you should know who they are, Like the you know, the flight attendant will say, oh, we've got Captain Greg what's his face? Yes, flying today, as if some frequent fly is going to go, oh, I don't like Greg's flying now.

Yes. It annoys me because surely they could put like a giant fuck off L plate on the tail, you know, covering the quantus logo, just an L plate. What if we had to sign their log book, like as a passenger you had to just go up and sign it for them. Well, they'd have.

More than one pilot, there isn't They usually two. There's a co pilot, so he'd have a supervisor.

I know, but sometimes I think, like, God, that was such a bumpy fucking landing. It would not surprise me if this was his first ever day or a really rough takeoff, and you go, you know, what was probably his first flight ever or.

Her I don't reckon. They tell you at the start, by the way, this is my first flight. They might tell you at the end because at the start that had put you off. It would frighten me to no extent because I remember when I was on my Kentiky tour with Jenna. Yeah, of course, back in twenty seventeen, our tour guide prit who by the way, she kept encouraging us to use her hashtag any photos you put up hashtag Kentiki brit. Oh really that hashtag is still used to this day. No way, I want to check it.

Yeah, kenty brit.

But yeah, she was a fabulous tour guide. We loved her, although she didn't handle the bullying incident very well. I will say, oh that's another story, but.

Well, one hundred plus posts, yes, a thousand plus posts.

And so at the end of the tour, like our last night on Kentucky Together, she said, by the way, I have a confession. She's key week, I have a confision. This is actually my first ever Kentucky tour. And everyone just stood up and applauded because we were like, oh fuck, this is the first time she has led a group, and we thought that she was phenomenal and she started crying because she was that overwhelmed at like how we were validating her being like, you nailed it, bitch, well done.

Oh that's very sweat And by the looks, the hashtag is still active, so yeah, she's still in the job. She's still working. I guess it's the same as like any first job. But like I went and bought a pair of pants in other day to store and it was clearly his first day, and he said to me, I'm sorry, this will be a bit slow. It's my first day. See.

I don't mind that, mate, because then I'm more likely to be patient totally.

But I guess there's some jobs where you can't like I'm a pilot, a pilot or a fucking heart surgeon, Like I'm going to do your triple bypassed. Just FYI, it's my first day of surgery. I was. I worked at Baker's Delight last Thursday. I feel like.

I've had some sort of procedure done and they've mentioned, by the way, this student doctor is going to be shadowing me and watching over. I'm like, well, as long as they keep their fucking hands off me during this colonoscopy. I dipte mind.

Well it's fair though, because like you have to have a first it's not going to be good. Like my first ever on air shift. It was terrible, but people wouldn't have known. Listening, they're not going to go this sounds like this idiot's first day. What was the first on air shift? Oh my god? My first on air shift was Christmas Eve twenty sixteen, Christmas Eve nighttime. It was from seventeen. So it's a bit off Broadway. Yeah, yah, it is off Broadway. And it was like music, classic music.

No one would have noticed. It was your first day.

No one noticed. But you know what, I don't think I've ever told the story I took the radio station off air on my first ever shit.

First ever shift. I'd believe it.

What did you do? I no, I did nothing. The radio station was struck by lightning. My satellite was struck by lightning.

Oh my god.

I turned the station off air for thirty seconds and my boss called me freaking out.

But what are the odds? They would have been like, oh, we're given this new kid to go, and then that happened.

And they caslp me They were like it was you, and I said, no, I don't know what happened. There's a massive storm. I feel it has something to do with that. And they're like, no, mate, you're on new like you fucked up? Is their proof it was struck by line? Yes, the technicians were in the building and I got them to investigate. They sent an email going the receiver site was struck by lightning in western Sydney.

Do you want to hear about Kentucky britt fucking up the bullying incident? By the way, who was the bullying well, which Jenna is here because she could back up my story.

Yeah, but.

It's funny that I'm talking about this now when I'm in your childhood home. But there were these pigs from the shy up on our patique bit.

I stand by that.

Yeah, And it was the closest that I've felt to being on a school excursion since a school excursion because the social hierarchies that aren't a thing when you leave school were back. There was the cool kids and they very much treated us like the losers.

And how old were you would have been what twenty one?

Yes, twenty one yeah. And one of them decided to set off a fire extinguisher in my bedroom on one of the nights. They just came in set the.

Fire ex thing which are off while I was sleeping, and then left it there. Oh.

And it was like no two or three and or something. And I had to call brit and be like, I'm so sorry to wake you, but my room is covered in white shit. They set off a fire exiguture in my room.

She goes, okay, well I can I can discipline them, reprimand.

Them in the morning. I was like, no, no, don't think you understand. I need somewhere to sleep, like I think you need to see it with your own eyes. It was on your bed, Yeah, it was through the whole room. Have you ever set off a fire extinguisher in a tiny cabin? Everything is covered in gray and it stinks as well. And so she was like, all right, I'll come out a look. And then she came up to my cabin and she saw it and she goes, oh my god. And she goes the front admin desk like

Breathe in the fumes and you'll fall straight up. It was horrible. That's not very good from KENTICKI brute.

And then the next day I saw her reprimanding the bully from the Shire Good and he had a word with me, being like, oh, mate, you know, it's just a bit of fun between us, but I need to you know, we don't need to dob on each other do It's a bit of fun. And I was like, might have been fun for you, dog, but I didn't enjoy it now, of course not. And I could tell that it was like getting really worked up. She called her supervisor. I mean, like, how do I handle this situation?

That happens though. They've got the power, yeah, to get rid of people on the tour.

Yeah, they do. And she was crying at the thought of having to do it. So I was like, babe, you know I could kick him off, but just like I'm letting you know that it was fucked and this is what he's capable of.

And what Jenna was just being railed in the next room, Well, she was.

In the girl's cabin. So that's the other thing they wouldn't let because there was three of us, Jenna, Amy and I went as friends. They wouldn't let the three of us sleep in the same room because they couldn't have men sleeping in the same room as women. I was like, I promise you, I won't fuck. I promise you I won't. It won't come to that.

Funny that Jenna's room also was covered in a white substance. It was very different, yuck, very different, and she had no complaining. Is it just me?

You should follow these idiots online search A couple of mitches now coming up In our Wednesday episode, episode one sixty six, Cheery's had a bit of an awkward moment on tour that you're going to tell us about.

Yeah, I actually I feel really bad about it, and it's kind of it's a in an ethical conundrum. I ruined the holiday of these two Ussie punters. What This couple were traveling to Adelaide and they were having the time of their life. They even had an I Love Adelaide shirt on.

Is this going to be more airport chat?

Yeah, more airport chatter, yeah, but this is off the plane at the airport. I genuinely ruined their holiday. I seriously did. And Britain Laura, who I'm currently on tour for, think that I'm in the wrong and they were disappointed. They were disappointed in you in your actual holy shit.

Yeah, well I'll see if it's three out of three co hosts disappointed.

In you, wait till we hear about that. I had my own Kentiqui brit moment. It was awful. It was awful.

And also coming up in that episode, we've taken some feedback on board. We get a lot of feedback from you, our idiots. Some of it's good, some of it's bad. But in our next episode, we're implementing a big change.

Yeah. Of course, lots of changes on the podcast recently. And can I just say, don't bite the hand that feeds you all? Very good, We're giving you an extra episode a week.

We do kind of ask for feedback, though, like the survey monkey, that's a whole other kettle of fish.

Oh, we should go through that survey we did recently, Mitchell, I don't think I could. Mitch and I sat in the in the recording studio a couple of weeks ago went through the results and some of the bullshit because it was anonymous. Some of the bullshit that you guys wrote about us was awful.

It wasn't even anonymous. They put their name to it half the time, but they were scathing.

It's fine, we asked for feedback. Bad.

We'll get to that another time. Also, while I've gotcha's, can I just take this opportunity to do a bit of self primo?

Absolutely not. How deg is not your show? My comedy show.

Tickets are now on sale. We've got the bogan Gate Show if you fancy a fucking Central West Road trips.

So exciting, by the way, it's so basific. Good for Jessica row to put bogen Gate on the map.

How weird was that?

Yeah? Did you say that? II TV presenter Jessica Rowe and TikToker.

Was at bogan Gate and she was on the way to some conference in Condlobolan.

So weird.

We're getting her on the podcast soon, aren't.

We we I literally saw her at an event the other day and she yet, when am I coming on with you to be beautiful, smart, funny men.

I think enough people must have commented on her photo of her in bogen Gate saying, oh my god, that's Mitchell Koms's hometown because she randomly followed me aha. And so anyway, Yes, the bogan Gate tickets are now on sale. I can't wait to talk to Jess about her thoughts on bogen Gate. But also, my tickets to Adelaide are on sale.

Great.

So far, the bogen Gate tickets are selling a lot more than Adelaide, which is weird. And then I realized it's because I've barely promoted Adelaide. So hey, if you're an adelaide An idiot, I'm coming your way late November or mid November.

Yeah. And also they're not on sale yet, Perth. I'll have some news for you very soon, my god. Also, can I just say, look at us, two touring comedians being hilarious. No life on the road, it can I it's actually very fun like, I can see why you do it.

Yeah, it's gorgeous. Do you get to meet people afterwards? Yes, yeah, that's my favorite part. Yeah, it's really cute.

People are so sweet, people made merch and going to get photos and it's very nice.

I also get told nice stories like you and Mitch have gotten me through the toughest times. Yeah, when I feel lonely blah blah blah, and I'm like, oh, that's so sweet. I'll make sure to tell Cherry you said that. I never do.

You've never told me, You've never want told me. I think I'm thank you. I think they think they feel more comfortable telling you.

I go for Drew Barrymore on them. I fucking hold their hands and listen to them.

Get on your hands and ned, we've got the lisp as well. That is very Drew Barrymore. So that happened to you. Sorry, I've never once made fun of your list, but I shouldn't. It's not funny.

I am Drew Barrymore and that's what I'm hearing.

She's canceled at the moment, so you don't want she Oh yeah, she's in trouble.

What's she done now?

Well? She continued doing a talk show during the riders strikes. I thought she stopped, and she did. But then now the rider strikes are over and her riders refuse to write for her.

Oh for fuck?

I know, I mean, thank god. Our riders are nice? What riders?

We can barely spell ourselves, especially.

Today, Guys, my brain is fucking cook Mitch and I on a fucking squish mellow. Who are you lean on Romanov or something? What's yours?

I can't even remember hanging on open? Yeah, Camillo Camillo. It's like Camilla Cabello mushed into one. Camillo Camillo. Yeah, Camillo the pillow.

I'm telling you, it's comfortable, isn't it? It is if until Sean uses it to prop your ass up. Oh my god, it's.

A good idea.

Didn't work perfectly. I'm not joking.

I know you're not.

I'm not joke. I haven't used it. Don't use the new one, but the old one cries on a bike. That's why we had too they get flat quick? All right, shall we jump into your origin? Yeah, you're ready for my jem let's go? Yeah? Is it just me?

Do you sometimes forget that straight fuckheads exist?

Oh? No, because I know you're going to tell a story here, and I don't want it to be I don't want it to be distressing, but yes I do do you. Sometimes you just think we live in a nice time and you think we're in our own.

Little queer safe bubble. And sometimes I forget that straight idiots exist. So not idiots is in our listeners?

Well they do exist?

Yes, no, they do exist. And I'm not casting a net saying oh, straight people, but specifically straight dickheads, and I don't come across them often, our paths rarely cross, but sometimes I happen upon them in their own natural habitat, and I'm like, that's right, people like you exist. Honestly. The last straight fuckhead I encountered before the one I'm about to mention with probably the guy on Kentiki. Yeah right, but I forget that people like that exist. And so

Yeah night.

And I was curious to see Wolf Bar because they're in the same category as the bogen Gate Park. They're both nominated for the same Hotel Award.

Oh wow.

Yeah, And I was like, ah, wolf Bar is also up for People's Choice. I'm going to go suck out the competition because obviously I'm rooting for the bogan Gate pup.

Yeah.

And I said, I'm going to go to do a piss in there, Sean, and he goes, oh, careful, that place is just full of fuck boys and dickheads. I said, I'm sure I'll be fine.

This is just area. Yeah.

Yeah, he's a Northern Beaches boy. And I said, I'm sure it'll be fine. I'm not going in there to have a good time. I'm just going to use the bathroom. I won't be long. Oh my god, you couldn't write what happened? Like it proved Sean's point.

What happened? I went into the bathroom and I went into the cubicle, locked the door behind me. I wasn't doing a shit, just doing a wave. I just prefer the cubicles. Prefer to sit down. You do all the time to piss you. I don't sit, but I stand. Yeah, I just prefer to sit.

Because even standing in a cubicle, how did it become the normal thing for men to just stand and piss? I find it a bit barbaric.

Now, I absolutely love Sometimes I'll piss in a sink if I if I can think, yeah, I'm real barbaric. What do you mean, like a sink? Like if there's no urinal, Sometimes I just use a sink. What like a sink isn't the ones you wash your hands with, like a basin? What there's a real risk of being caught there? Yeah, no, not like at a public venue. But maybe sometimes what.

Sinks if you pissed in. Because this is making no sense so far.

Sometimes I'll piss in if there's if there's no urinal and it's just a cubicle.

I would never use a urinal. That's the most barbaric thing. Piercing in a communal trough.

I kind of like the thrill of it. A sinks clean. It's just it's basically a toilet ball at hip height. It's great, you do it well other people are around. No, God, no, not in a public place. Yes, it is a public place, but it's say, for example, it's one of the bathrooms. It's got one door, and you go, oh, like.

You've got the sink and the.

Tot all yeah in one guy. Yeah, like picture a disabled toilet. I wouldn't go in a disabled toilet to picture all encompassing bathrooms. Yeah. No, I'm not waiting there for someone to walk in. God, I thought you just.

Meant that instead of using a trough, you're pissing the sink. I'm like, with so many people around.

No, if I walk in them, there's a toilet and I just need to wea I might use this. Think I shouldn't have admitted that.

You really shouldn't have so far it.

Please move on. I'm so sorry.

Wow, you told me that you always use the cubicles, but if in doubt, I'll just use a sink and move on. Anyway, So I went into the cubicle and locked the door behind me, and then I'm starting to pull my pants. Sound to sit down on the tourt and before I sat down, I just hear someone bashing on my cubicle door and I was like, oh, here we go. So I pulled my pants back up and I just sort of looked at them like yes, and he goes, mate, I think you're in the wrong bathroom.

Are you sure about that?

Then I said something that I probably shouldn't have. I said, yeah, I'm sure. Do you want me to get my dick out to prove it? Oh my god, which I shouldn't have said, because that's not very woke of me, because you don't need a penis. If you identify as a male but don't have a penis, yes you can still use them out baket And so I said, why do I want to get my dick out to prove it? And then shut the door again, and then that really set him off. That's when the banging on the door

These fucking tradnies. What the fuck fucked these fucking trainies is going off? Right? My god?

And then he stops spanging on the door, and then sort of starts huddling around the sink with a couple of his other gross friends, and I can hear him going these fucking train and he's it's fucked. I don't know how the fuck this happens. As long as she doesn't try and touch my fucking dick, I don't care, Oh my god. And so while I can hear him muttering away in the bathrooms, I just very calmly took

Did you actually think that, Oh?

Yeah, because I've always thought. I always say this, right, I'm good at confrontation, but I don't start it. If someone starts it with me. I can handle myself just fine, you know what you can. And so I thought he's potentially going to lash out, but I'm going to flog

I have no doubt you would have got fully insane. I'd hate to physically fight you. He'll be insane.

And then, disappointingly, when I opened the door all geared up for a floggin, he was gone fucking hell. And so that was probably for the best, because I think it's a bit deluted to think that I could have fought this man. And so I left the bath and went back to Sean and went, you weren't wrong.

That place is full of buck heads.

And Sean was more rattled than I was, to be honest, because I held my own.

But did he want he went in and bashed them as well.

No, he wanted to make a police report and stuff, and I was like, technically they didn't do anything. But Sean said to me what did they look like? And I was like, honestly, the most generic person ever. It was a straight white man in a white linen shirt with blondish brownish fair hair. It could be anyone in this venue, every person in the literally everyone in the Northern Beaches got mich I'm very sorry that happened to you, and that is horrific. No, no, no, it wasn't traumatic or anything,

Yeah.

Also, the tirade didn't really make any sense. I was like, is this guy actually being woke because he must have thought that I was a transgender woman. Was he actually being curtious telling me the women's room is down there and you're more than welcome with the dick despite the fact that you identify as woman.

That's what I was thinking.

I'm going, I couldn't make sense of the abuse.

Yeah, he was actually doing you a favor, going, you're going to get hurt, get out of here.

You should be in the woman Is that what he was getting at? Or was he thinking that I was a transgender man as in born a woman?

Yes, correct, And I had no place in that bathroom because I'm not a real man, which is just awful, horrific. And like he said, the only issue he had is if you were to try to touch his dick, which is always it's always sexual, it's always always connotations with those fuckheads.

And quite frankly, there was no risk of me touching his dick because he looked like he needed a shower. Honestly, I'm sure what a gross pig of a man.

Fucking Mitch. I'm very sorry. That's very scary.

And I will say this not that I'm trying to smirch Wharf Bar because they are up against Bowden Gay, buter Sean did end up drafting an email to the management just to you know, so.

It could go on their record. Yeah, and they never got back to me. No, they ignored the incident, did they really? Well, they could have gotten the CCTV footage and they could have found the guy's face if you told them the time you're in there. I did.

I told them the exact time. Yeah, there you go, and ye had no reply.

Wow.

So yes, I'll be steering clear of Wharf Bar. It's interesting that, like I was warned about the fact that it's not overly queer friendly, and I just didn't take the warning seriously because I was like, it's twenty twenty three or whatever, no one cares. But this guy was so severely bothered just by me existing. It was very odd. It's weird to be reminded that there are people like that out there.

Still scary, isn't it, And you hear more and more of it happening more recently. Anyway, we were out on Oxford Street the other day. I missed it. I was at the front of the pack, but we were with our gay friends and what were the slurs that were thrown our way? Was it fags? Remember the other thing.

They're just the usual because they've got this putrid straight venue two dollars down from Stonewall in the heart of Oxford Street, Sydney's iconic gay strip. They've got this dreadful venue called NUA, which attracts some real low life straight people.

Yeah, there's been multiple, multiple vil and attacks.

And our friends, you know, people were calling out gay slurs on Oxford Street, which is just so ridiculous the nerve of you, and so my friends alerted the security and they weren't overly fazed either.

Couldn't kill us. No, just it's so scary because you think you're right, you're kind of get in, you're leaving your little bubble. Yeah, like nine to nive percent of the time, I don't think about that. I feel safe everywhere I go.

But then when things like that cockheaded wharf bar, when things like that happen, I'm like, oh, that's right, what a shame people like you exist? Yeah, people like him and the fuck stick from Kentucky. I'm just like, ah, that's right.

They're around. Oh my god, was it the same guy he was from? People? Oh my god, imagine imagine if you've made a reference about a fire, you've only had a fire extinct. Sure on me again, fucking Disco. I'm glad you're a right Mitchell.

No, I'm fine. If Bush had come to Shave and we had gone into fight, oh, he would worse off than that.

That's what I thought you were going to say. I've already lost these glasses once. I'm not going to wrestle them again.

Did you notice that was the first thing I did when I thought this could lead to an altercation. I'm putting the glasses away safely.

Glasses off rightly.

So yeah, so fuck wolf Bar. He's the motto, we vote for bogan Gate.

I mean I already have Lady close. A few people have asked me if bogan Gate Pub have won. That award hasn't been announced yet. That's not till the end of the month, but I'll keep you up to date. Yeah, right, well, fantastic. That'll be rainbow at the end of it, stormy, stormy day.

If warf Bar beats bogen Gate, I will fucking protest. I will riot you what.

With your power bogan Gate will win? Who else what other star influencer comedians can promote a pub? No one at wharf Bar, no one I follow anywhere. No, that's exactly right. Well, I'm glad you made it out alive, Mitchell. Oh, of course I made it out alive. It was fine. I know. Also, what's the advice we can't people have to be safe. We can't say fight back because if you know the back, that's how you get hurt.

Right. Yeah, No, I shouldn't have said that thing that I said about oh, drawing us through my dick is a not very inclusive of me to say that, But also it did aggravate him a bit.

Yeah, sure, I'm sure his mates pull him into line. No, no, no, they were all they were all just because it was so echoe.

I couldn't decide for much. But they were just being.

Like, oh yeah, he's fucking fucked. You know.

They were all on the same team as him.

Yeah, of course, yeah, I'm sorry, awful, No, no, no, it's fine, all right, Well listen, should we get out of here?

Sure, let's get out.

There is a second episode coming in your feed very soon.

Yeah, we're getting out of here, but we won't be gone long.

No, of course, I'll see you in a couple of days. Hope you're liking the two episodes a week everyone.

Yeah, I saw a couple of people say I was a bit off about the two episode format, but they're liking it.

Yeah, good, good, Well it continues. It'll leave us five stars. If you haven't on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, give us a review.

In fact, now it's probably a good time to give you a little hack, because we've got the new episodes on a Wednesday. You might bloody forget. You're in the habit of Monday. Wherever you're listening Apple Spotify, just tap the notification bell so you get a little alert every time we put out a new episode. Yeah, exactly, that's why you won't miss it.

And we'll see you guys in a couple of days for our second episode, Captain syn Idiot Space.

Is it just me a podcast by a couple of mitches.

Make sure you've hit a follow on your podcast.

Welcome to a to D Brief. This is our secret segment on the end. Yeah, pretend the show's done, but we keep talking shit.

Just rab it on. It's what we do. I got an update. Actually, I got so many messages last week after I asked about the conspiracy theory. I was concerned about the disappearance of the year ten and the year twelve form Oh yeah, that's all right.

You said that you've not seen or heard anything about a formal in ages, and I just said, it's because that's not in our Oh god, I can't think of the word. I'm I've got to have a swig a Musk movie. I've barely eaten today. I'm sunning the fact. Oh my god, Mitch entered my hot it's not in our wheelhouse.

No, it's not our I can't think of it either.

That's going to annoy me.

It's really going to piece.

It's not in our fucking stratosphy. It's not an our radar.

Radar works.

Yeah, there you go. What are we like? What business do we have associating with school children?

I completely agree none. However, I was just concerned because I felt like I would have seen them in the age of TikTok. I feel like kids would be posting or they be doing tiktoks at their formal and what's going on? True?

Because it was a very big Instagram opportunity in our day, totally with like fourteen Valencia filters on one Well.

We posted our photos. People love them, so many fucking filters.

Oh, all the photos that people commented of their formal love that we almost had the same experience.

It was awful. We have not had a unique life. Everyone has the same life people. The majority of messages I got were at two one of the main the main response was that it is still happening. Is happening, however, it's not cool to go to it anymore? Oh really, Yeah, it's embarrassing to be excited about a year ten or a year twelve formal.

Oh, I don't think it's embarrassing. It's like a rite of passage. Everyone's going to go through the school formal. It's exciting at the time, at the time, a little bit cringe in hindsight.

I agree, but now it's not a cool thing to be pumped up for and to go to and get an outfit. Really yes, And then I had someone else's message, man, a teacher, someone who's a teacher. Really yeah, he was like, Hey, I'm a teacher, I teach you twelve. It's not it like kids. Kids don't like it.

I saw a comment or something. Someone might have messaged it, or maybe it was the group saying that year twelve formals still a thing. Year ten not so much. Oh, really, Like obviously they stopped doing school formals during COVID. Yeah, and then maybe there wasn't a real rush or demand to bring them back, and so I think year ten ones aren't quite as common.

Well, Gerard said, hey, are you listening to the pod? You're right with your region. We had a year ten dance at school and it was pretty dead. Kids have more choice to go on not now, rather than it being compulsory, and it is more cool. I don't think it's ever compulsory. Was it at some schools. I think, well, my school, it was organized by the students. The teachers had no influence at all, which is.

Weird, very weird. But I don't think it's ever compulsory because jinn it never went. That'd be weird to make them compulsory.

What does jennifercking go to?

Well, the accurs she's in here and makeup a course she is, so yeah, then the other what we say, it's not cool, it's not cool.

It's more it's yeah, it's more cool not to go. But then I had a couple of other messages saying that don't happen anymore. So it just depends really yeah, Okay.

By the way, side, note this smoothie that I'm currently speaking in the background because I haven't eaten much day and I've realized that's why I can't find the words do you reckon smoothies? Because it's a fuck load of food blended together to form a liquid. Does it come out when you peet or does it come out as pooh?

God, that's a big discussion. It's like soup, isn't it. Yeah, super I think soup would be ship surely now smoothie ship yeah, because it's it's fiber.

That's true. It's a fuck letter fiber in that.

Do you put your metamucial scoop in as well?

Sometimes if Shan's coming over.

Oh my goodness, I don't even fucking bottom it. I'm putting metamusa in everything. The best balm.

Yeah, no, I agree, it's it's a nice feeling.

Oh, it's so satisfying sometimes healthy. Shit much and it takes me two days to get one out.

Oh does it cause constipation?

Well, it just makes it so like solid.

Yeah right, okay.

Interesting, you had your smoothie era and you were so annoying with you when you are one of those annoying smoothie people that walk. You entered my house today, smoothie first.

Yeah, I had everything in bags except for this smoothie I was making. I was causing such a scene, like guess that's right. I drink green smoothes and that makes me better than you will.

Yeah, and you've got such a gigantic like a neutrable as smoothie holder.

Do you know it's funny. I went through a mad smoothie era in like twenty sixteen, twenty seventeen, and I got the smoothie recipe book released by Sally Obermeta. He is now a real housewife of Sydney.

Yes, got and I don't.

Know what happened. I just lost interest. It was a very solid phase and then I sort of. I still made them in twenty eighteen, twenty nineteen during COVID, when a lot of health and wellness just went out the window. If you may, I stop making them, but I'm back with a vengeance. I've started making my nutritionis. I'm using her recipes. They's Sarah Delarenzo smoothie. They're so good.

Oh my god, my go to This is so boring, but I have, I have have because I'm at the gym now and in like calorie deficit. I have a lot of protein. Like I drink a lot of protein shakes. No, if you get the good stuff, i'd have put.

Protein powder in this smoothie as well.

Well that's what I do. So my daily is two scrips of protein powder, vanilla French vanilla yam, like a couple or half a couple of blueberries, coconut water and ice. Oh my god, oh yeah, some of a bit of yoga. If I want some more calories, some energy, Mine's fucking dense.

What's yours that thick this one has? I'm going to go check the recipecause I can't remember.

Plug Sarah de Lorenzo Mitch's Nutritionists, as seen on Channel sevens.

So this one is the Wellness and Vitality smoothie explained. It's got a bit of ginger, half an apple, raw honey key We fruit, a whole key we fruit that is, a teeth spoon of nut butter, two tablespoons of yogurt and protein powder, a whole cup of baby spoonach, and a quarter of an avocado.

Mitchell, that's too much, but I hate frong.

Vegetables, so it means I don't have to worry about fruit or vegetables all day. It just get it in one hit.

Oh true, that's fucking excessive, though, to be perfy honest with you, do you think that's a lot?

Well yeah, but like I said, I hadn't eaten much today, so now that I've disculled that smoothie, I'm going.

To be full. Wait, so is that going to be your lunch?

Not necessarily? Yeah, right, but it is lunchtime.

Actually, it's well past last time at the moment today, it's probably gonna have to be God. We literally have the Radio Awards today.

When you say way, I'm not glady going, You're not.

Going now and rightly, so I'm excited. You know what this year is for me because I won the big gone last year. Thank you so much. Yes, thank you. Well it's a year after you, thank you. But I almost feel like, you know what the Oscars when the winner of the Best Actress and Best Actor come back to present. Yeah, oh, is that what you're doing. No, I'm not presenting, but I am coming back. Obviously I'm returning, but I kind of feel like it's my year to

Yeah, there's less on the line.

Less on the line. It's like, yeah, won this last year, and there's no pressure. I don't need another one.

So you're not going to get all old up. You're not going to go all out like you did for the logis.

No, I'm not. I'm absolutely not. No, it's just a simple suit. Yeah, that's quite boring. I can't believe you got a tack in a bathroom. I wish I was there.

Why what would you have done.

I don't know. It makes me also feel bad that you know that's to you.

You know that. Oscar said to me the next day, Oh, I wish I was there with you, And I said, I'm fucking glad you weren't. It would have escalated so quickly.

If you were there, it would have been worse.

Yeah.

I hate confrontation, but I just wish I was there to get you a Betty's burger or something after it the wharf.

It's fine, although I did say to Sean when we got to Circular Key once we got off the ferry, I was like, let's grab a drink. Actually after that, what one more? Would you?

Yeah? Yeah, yeah.

Went to the same bar that we went to our first date on the road that's very huge, and there was this fat fucking rat the bushes behind us.

Oh my god. I went on a date at the Rocks the other day. Rats everywhere.

They're not just rats, they're like minuture pony. And there were several of them just galloping a long Circular Key at Harbor.

I was like, eh, I know they trot by the fucking Modern Art Museum.

Yeah, wait, what's your first date bar? It's called Doss House.

Oh my god, when did you go to Doss House on our first day? No?

Shut up?

This recently, as in.

Like the night of the attack.

Yes, yeah, that was like last Saturday get out. Were you there? Yes? Did you go on a date at Doss House?

Yes? What a good open. That's where Sean and I went on our first date.

I went on Saturday night, You idiot?

What time did you leave?

I don't know what time were you there? You're fucking kidding me.

I never kid I reckon. I probably got there maybe eleven or ten thirty.

No, No, we were there earlier. Okay, I went to the German restaurant in Rocks. I'm going to the Rocks again tonight. I need recommendation. Oh my god, Doss House is brilliant.

It's good for drinks and cocktails, but it doesn't really do food, doesn't.

No, it's good for cocktail bar. Yeah, Gordon, they're at the same night.

That is ridiculous.

What the fuck? Sorry? That's good? Do we not talk? Are we not friends? Well?

We clearly weren't talking that day?

Is I haven't told you about this date? Something went really wrong? Didn't go wrong? But this is the twenty don't my good doth have no, no, no, no, it's a twenty one year old that I'm dating, right, yep, and I'm twenty eight. And then he was like, oh, there's an age gap. Like the whole joke is that there's a seven year age gap.

Yeah, I see. I'm on his side. Where if you're the young one in the age gap, it's your god given right to make fun of the other person for being older. Yes, you know how often I rip into Sean for being thirty. Yeah, it's funny he's nearly thirty one. Actually, yeah, oh is he Yeah? Yeah, he's cradle snatcher.

I know you're right. It is so much fun to pay out an old person if you're dating there, but the receiving end I don't like it anyway. So he was actually very funny. He would then we're in the bar and he would say to a couple next to us, and I love this. You mean, I love to talk to random people. So on a date someone doing this, I'm like, God, marry me. He was like, excuse me, can I ask you a question? And the couple of

I wasn't sure how attached I should get to the twenty one year old. I wasn't sure if it was a brief flinger, if it's someone I need to get tonight, it's a fling.

But we've been on like ten days, okay, so it's like, what do you do at this point?

Yeah?

But I guess that's the beauty of a situationship. I guess he was on this bed not long ago.

Oh fuck, don't tell me that.

That's all right.

I knew it smelt damp in here. I feel like a situation ship where there's no strings attached. He's obviously more mature than than I was at age twenty one, because if I was going on ten dates with someone at age twenty one, I would have been like, this is my husband. We're going to get married. I would have just any any little sign I would have read into and been like, oh, yeah, this is the one.

Totally. No, he's he's very he's very mature. It is what it is. Yeah, it is what yeah, exactly. Okay, but also I'm not sure we haven't had that discussion we have that. It's just well, let's have it now. What just call him? Kah. We only talk on Snapchat. It's ridiculous.

Oh that's embarrassing.

I'm mortal. I still have Snapchat. I no, No, I don't. I had to download it to create an account to talk to him. He wouldn't message you in any other way. Text, but he doesn't use messenger, and he says text is just for emergency. He prefers snapchat so we can send photos.

The disappearing photos.

Yeah, I see, but it's not that No, like you know, I don't know. I'm not going into this with you. Okay, we don't have to, not on the record anyway. That's where I'm at how weird that.

You were at Doss House the same night.

I love that. That's so weird. What cocktail did you have? The strawberry? I just got rose, that's all it's in the mood for.

Yeah, and I had cocktail after the assault.

Me. Of course you went to Doss House after the assault.

Yes, Oh, we were in circular anyway, and I was like, oh, let's just pop over.

For a drink after that. Is so funny, Mitchell.

Yeah, Actually I can find out what time it was. It was probably later than you tell me. It was quite late because I took a video of the rat and put it on my Instagram. That giant rat.

I saw that, and I did not put two and two together. That hang.

And I've just looked in that video of the rat sitting right behind us at Doss House was eleven forty three, so we got there a bit late. Ah.

I was there at ten fourteen.

Wow, like ships in the night, like fairies in the night.

And then I was also at the German restaurant drinking Bavarian beer. Beer. Yeah.

I can't stomach beer really why. I don't know what it is. The bloating effects of beer just are so severe on me, I look like I'm fucking pregnant after one beer.

There's a twenty one year old, isn't he cute? Shows?

No, I'm getting old. That show from the distance showing you well? Then why did you just hold the phone to me? Go hear you don't?

I want you to analyze. I'll show you off just different things.

I just wanted to see what his face looked like.

That's all I'm not. I want you to send it to yourself.

Now I've lost that is Why would I send it to myself? You're a weirdo, and I'm happily in sconced. I don't need a photo of this infant on my phone. Don't date that ensconced, I am. I'll text it to you. Oh now it is on my phone. That's what you were worried about.

How you're going to have it? I don't want you to describe. I don't want it.

I don't need a fucking copy. Get a burden onto a disc for me? Are you? How do he steal the start?

Yeah? His pants is very funny. The way to my heart leptomaniac and in audience engagement at a date. Jesus Christ, that's like my dream Guy. Very funny. We should probably go, shouldn't we?

Oh, it's up to you.

We've done any sign of life from Jenner? Absolutely not. I text her and have called her twice. Now fair enough?

All right, well bitch, We hope this podcast made you feel at least one point five percent better today.

That's all. So we do, so, we do, so we do. Thanks for listening. We love you guys.

It will catch you back on Wednesday.

Do you love you in a couple of days? Mate? Is it just me?

A podcast by a couple of miches.

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