#15: Better Than Drugs & Dick

Had guys before we get into the show a little FYI.

Yeah, that's because a lot of people have been asking about what goes on when we actually upload the show every week. So just to explain to you.

It confuses me, to be honest, do you even listen? I do listen to the show, not the little bits, because god forbid they can.

Well, speaking of obviously you're listening to the full show podcast right now, but you've probably noticed, like you said, every week, we also upload a handful of the best bits from each show. We put them up as like separate, much smaller podcasts, because the full show is a lot to commit to, isn't it the whole hour?

Anyone understands what it's like to have a short attention span.

It's us exactly as grateful as we are to people that actually do listen to the full show. Yeah, like, people are busy. I don't have time for a one hour podcast every week.

Can we understand that you have other things to do? Yeah?

I usually save my long podcast for like flights and road trips and stuff like that. So we thought we'd give people the option to listen to little bits at a time.

Yeah. So for example, right, say you have got lunch with Arnie Julie, and on the way she calls you and goes, listen, Darling, Lennie, get a tea cake from the baker's live and you kick shit. I'm right around the corner from Une Julie's house. But I'll go and I'll go to the local baker's diet and I will get the bread. And it's a ten minute journey there and back. Yeah, you can listen to two of our little snack sized bits on the way and on the way back.

I don't know about too, do we do ramb along on a lot?

You were a lot was like a piece of lucoricia, now anyone.

Absolutely, point being, you've got the little bits that you can listen to when you've got a little bit of spare time if you don't have time for the full show, and who would have time for the full show?

Let's be real, oh exactly.

Plus, if you listen to the full show and you want to go back and listen to a certain bit that you liked, save your scrolling through the whole friggin thing trying to find that all the best bits are right there for you.

We're thinking of you. Twenty four to seven. Anyway, look enough of us, Let's get on with the show.

If he's say enough of us, and then we're about to go into a lot more of us.

It is an hour worth of a people do some weird shit.

It shod in young people inhaling the gas and cooking canisters known as names to get hide some things more since than something for you, like I could have made anything if I had the talent.

Brace yourself for observations you didn't ask for.

This is leadership.

I think he's one of the greatest leaders we've ever had. Yeah, well, good.

Is just I'm still a couple of Mitches. Should one of us be mich and the other be Mitchell? Just to make things easier?

Your Mitch. I only call you Mitchell when you're being annoying.

You always call me Mitchell. Oh no, he is Miui Mitchell.

Ko.

It's good to be back.

Yes, we're back again.

I love the you open it for twenty twenty. It's just it's refresh It sounds good, it does.

Doesn't it. There's a bit that doesn't sound fresh, though I think I know what you mean. It's a little bit with the really old music again.

Sounds like the music that they were playing two minutes before the Titanic sunk.

I picture that section of the opener in black and white.

Yeah, and like stop motion, like frame by frame.

And we're wearing top hat, very Charlie Chaplin esque.

How that happened? It sounds good. It's a fresh opener. I had someone ask if we're going to do that at the start of every new season, like when we come back, and I thought, it's a nice idea, let's do it.

Yeah, well that's why we did it. I guess I just thought New Year, and you open, and why.

Not freshen it up? Yeah? Well, Jenna's back, speaking of freshening it up, how are you not fresh?

She's sour and old and withered.

You often often have a gym class to go to.

Yes, I do.

Why tonight? She said, we have to keep it really short, guys, I've got to get to what one body pump.

I don't know, something like that. She just likes to make it known that she's got elsewhere to be. Every time you do this show, she's like, I've got a funeral to go to. I've got them. She's just never act, never fully committed and then last week.

She said I've got to go out of the blue and stayed for two hours later. Yes, I I didn't go anywhere. It's all wrought with you. Yes, it's all an act, Mitch. It's been good, you know, it's been really good. I went to my brain doctor and I got I had my memory assessed, and he's given me games to practice to make sure my memory stays the best it can. And he's given me an app. It's very good. It's called grind It it's remember the people

Actually I think I played that briefly.

Elevate y don't say play. It's very boring.

Their memory games.

Yeah, they are memory games. It's like this is a cat now the cat has hat? Was the hat blue?

And I'm like, think, I remember that? Is it working?

Well? That's what I want? Why don't we Why don't you tell me something obscure now? And then we'll do the whole show and right at the end, let's see if I can remember it.

Well, is it meant to Is it meant to make your memory better going forward? Or is it meant to resurface old memories that you had forgotten?

God? No, I don't want to resurface old right.

Okay, yeah, all that stuff that's gone, it's gone in the past. What is something obscure? Dinner?

Why don't you just give me four numbers?

Okay? What about we have one hundred and two podcast reviews on Apple Podcasts, which is six point eight percent of the number of people that perished on the Titanic. Yes, we did that mass quite a few days ago. Google how to get the pass to ask you the number at the end, because I did the googling, so it's fresher in my brain.

The number of podcast reviews, No.

The number of the percentage of people that perished on the Titanic.

Oh shit, okay, have gotten already.

I have faith in you. You've been you've been away at your app. You've been having fun with that.

I actually have been putting in the time. Unlike the gym, which we all know is my strong suit. I've been trying to, you know, strengthen my memory, because you have to. It's so important.

I've been having a lot of fun on another app. I'll tell you what. Grinder, No, not grinder really, yes. Think the good news is that I'm now TikTok famous.

I saw that.

Yes, yes, yes, another another feather to my is it feather to your hat?

Your hat?

Yeah?

Another one and another platform that I'm dominating. It's almost boring now, isn't it.

I can't even dominate one app, let alone all of them.

I actually I do not understand TikTok at all. It's like, yeah, for people who don't know what it's like, this new app that predominantly children used. It's for the kids, yeah, like teenagers and stuff. And I don't know. I've been meaning to get I've been wanting to get around to starting an account. I'm like, yeah, I shouldrobably get around this. I've not made anything for TikTok. I just posted some old shit of mine that went well on Facebook and Instagram, and.

Then you tell me you woke up refreshed it and how many views did it have? It had?

Well, last time I checked, it had two million. Oh come, but it hasn't taken Like I feel like people are really slutty with the follow button on TikTok. They hand it out like it's nothing. Oh do they really?

They just follow I.

Yeah, day one I had I had more followers on TikTok than we have on the Instagram account for this podcast rub it on day one, and then on day two I overtook the amount of Instagram followers I.

Have and now I'm double that. Holy shit, I'm at twenty.

Thousand followers and I didn't even try. I was like, TikTok's weird. I don't understand that world at all.

This is kids dancing. And then collaboration wasn't dancing.

I was talking shit, which I thought I wasn't gone.

Maybe we could do a TikTok at some point.

Yeah, we should, she I don't. I don't know how to think of TikTok ideas. I thought, Yeah, TikTok's very unique and weird, and my brain doesn't work that way.

It's a new type of content that I'm not I don't know how to create yet.

Well that's what I thought, But then I just posted shit from the environment and it did well.

It's really, isn't it funny? You have a very very famous like a Picasso that one painting. You've got that very famous video where you don't even impersonate Lisa Wilkinson. You got to blow dry and you say you look like Lisa Wilkinson.

Lisa Wilkinson, I left the hairdresser with really like this bouncy bob. I was like a news reader and I said that I was ranting and I said that I looked like Lisa Wilkinson. And then after post that was that's months yea, she never even saw it. And then after I posted it on TikTok, apparently one of her kids showed her and then she reposted it on her Instagram. So yes, had to at Lisa Wilkinson. There I am,

I want to get on TikTok. I want to do it, can make one. I want to be TikTok famous. Well, I don't know how, I don't know what to do laugh about. I want to be TikTok fav. I'd love to be TikTok famed.

Let's do that later on today.

Plus, if it's your first time listening, hi Welcome to the club.

Welcome.

It's more a therapy than a club.

Really, it's a good time to join because we're doing apparently a fan favorite segment. Remember, we did a poll in our Facebook group asking what everyone's favorite segment was Talkback Tings, and.

It was a number one, renounding number one. They loved it correct by far.

So Talkback Tings back tonight, and let me tell you I found some more goal.

Yeah, I'm excited to talk back radio. Plus, if it is your first time listening, the name of the show is sort of a start. It's is It Just Me? We start the show the same way every week and we kick it off with it is It just Me? It's an observation, is something we've noticed, something we hate or appreciate, But one each we do what's yours? You'll give me a little to teasers with what yours is?

Put it this way, Actually, I don't know that sounds bad. I was gonna say it involves a little bit of low key slut shaming for my friends, but that's okay.

We're gonna stoop to that level every now and again.

Yeah, that's not a good way of explaining it. Well, it make me sound like a bit of an.

Now I'm hooked in. I'm hooking regardless. Mine's a lot cleaner, And why don't I go first. Let's let you think about yours. Let's kick it off the first of the week.

Is it just me?

Does it seem really easy to make an Oscars acceptance speech?

Yes?

Yeah?

Is that the awards ceremony that was like a week or so ago.

Yeah, Academy Awards.

It was the ninety second or something, because an Academy awards separate things, the.

Same thing, same thing. I didn't know I was researching for this segment because I researched. Now that I have memory games, Janna's middle name is Bertrude's I researching the Oscars. Why do you think they're called the Oscars.

I've got no idea. It's named after a guy.

It's named after a guy who has no connection to the industry at all. The very first Oscar was given to some actress and she accepted it and dedicated, you're gonna call this Oscar because her grandfather, who supported her name, was Oscar, and then that's why they got the name Oscars. It's got nothing to do.

With the in the first ever Oscars was at the Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood. Was it really only went for like twenty minutes?

Oh god, no, it doesn't tell.

That's my point. I really wish that the ceremony was so much bloody shorter. So I watched it right, and I and the thing that caught my attention with the speeches. So people get up. There's only maybe, like I reckon, twenty awards, not that many. And the awards are given out and they get up on stage, and you know the classic if you speak for too long you get the music right, and the music cuts you off. And I think I counted maybe nine or ten people got

And you can't forget the crew. What does everyone know exactly? They always seemed to kick off with like heavy breathing that they get to the microphone with their trophy. It's like, whoa man.

Yeah they do do that actually, or they always go, oh my god, I didn't expect this. You were nominated. It was one in five chants and.

You've already won the Golden Globe and sag.

You should have expected this. It pieces me off, though I did research the speech. The longest speech this year was walking Phoenix right, and he spoke for four minutes and twelve seconds and didn't get the music.

With four minutes and twelve seconds and no music, no music. And then Parasite got the best took a long time, the best picture and guess what they got cut off and people say it's racist.

You know they got cut off.

How long did they go for?

I can't remember the time, and that's what I want to know. I reckon we could do the speeches in time. You've got ninety seconds to make your speech. So I've got to stop watch, and I've also got the Oscars music and I can play you. So Jenna can go first.

What's she winning for an equestrian competition.

I don't know why.

That dressage. That's what she's winning for.

Best Dresser Dressage in the Shetland category. So Mitch, you can announce it, and the sheddy goes to the sheddy and the nominees are I know what Jenna has to do. You have to thank the horses, your trainers, Jenna, you have to thank your fan.

Don't know what to do with it. Ninety second she could get.

Up and go, thank you. I appreciate it.

That's part of the challenge me. That's all right, fair.

Enough, Okay, do you like do the nomination?

Yeah, I'm just opening there.

I'll give you another bit of music. Ready when you're ready.

Okay. So we've just come back from the package, which is where we looked at all the nomina. Even then at silent and the sheddy goes to Jenna, Benson.

Gets more storage galloping up.

Wow, one achievement. I've waited my whole life for this amazing award. Where do I start. I'd like to thank my first pony, Pippy, she like even to this day. She's an inspiration and she's the reason why I'm standing up here. I'd also like to thank my four other horses that I've had over the years. Kiki, Koala, Caramel start with the.

Same, and Kelly. I heard a KKK there.

I didn't name them, just letting you know anyway. Speech yes, because I heard some of you in the front row. Yeah, I know you're jealous.

I'm timing you, by the way.

Okay, here we go and I'd like to thank God it's blessing me with all these horses and this amazing award. Thank you very much.

Oh well done, Jenna, You've just made it in time. Thank you, Jenna. Next up, Mitchell Coombs is nominated for his award and best Hair for a meal that looks like a woman. Next at the sheddies.

Before we get into that, can I tell you when I was nominated for an ACRA. So that's the radio award.

I've been nominated to best.

Off a Newcomer. The thing I was looking forward to most about the potential of winning. Didn't, by the way, was the fact that they don't have speeches at the acres. You can tell that that shit is run by radio people. It is so tightened by Australian Commercial Radio Awards. I tell you what. By the time the person has walked up on stage to get their trophy, the person that's coming on with the next award is already there ready to go right like. They get through that shit in half an hour.

Again, who beat you?

Some clown in Perth? I don't know, really doesn't matter.

Who was it? Damis shame, I don't know.

I didn't memorize their name Best Newcombe.

What do they do I don't know.

Actually they live in per Actually no, actually they worked it. I think they worked at Triple Am in Sydney. They're one of the producers for moon Man.

Oh yeah, everyone loves that show, sucking up to moon Man.

Genuinely haven't listened.

I don't know.

I don't have an opinion. But Jackie over in the Morning's where you anyway? What's me bloody prize?

Okay, so your prize is I don't like best Hair Jenner. We need to rework it something where he needs to think a big team. Oh you know what, this is the annual Potties. So the podcast awards, and don't forget your podcast. Not the fucking itty bittish nitty titty that's terrible. I've listened, actually listened.

Yes, I don't think you have.

I'd rather listen to the Chicago whaling Horn for a month and listen to Talisia chomped down on a half soggy piece of chicken.

Look at podcast alone. You're so jealous Anyway.

I'm not jealous. I just think when you have a kid and it's a newborn.

I wish I have the oscars music right now to shut his back, all right.

And the potty goes to.

Mitchell Kurbs. Wow, I mean, this is unbelievable. I really I really thought Teacher's Pet had this one in the bag. I didn't think I stood a chance. That's incredible. Wow. What can I say about? What can you say when you're in a potty? Honestly, I'd like to thank my fucking now my afters teachers for my audio skills. I'd like to thank my parents for somehow creating a horrific

What about your fucking cow host.

Hey, that didn't matter my award.

You could have thanked your co host.

Who's to say that this was the show that won.

I thought that was just just assumed knowledge.

I looked at the envelope and it wasn't was not it was just Michel.

Yes, it could have been my twelve part series Diary of a Selfish Bitch. It's a solo podcast. I'm working on it. You're good choking on that banana brea.

I'm going for another piece too.

What a self sabotage? Oh, don't eat into the microphone on purpose? That was fair all.

We're about to do yours.

I'll take this away a right, it's time for my Is it just me enough out of you?

Just me?

Is there more to life than drugs? And also Dick?

Beg your pardon? You hurt? All right? Oh? I don't know if there's a simple yes or no.

I think there is, Yes, yes, there is. Let's just say I've got some friends who were around our age, and they seem to be stuck in that phase where they're just obsessed with partying, going out boys, you know, And I just feel like, I don't know about you, but my uni days are behind me. Oh yeah, those two things, drugs and Dick are the last things on my mind. A very busy woman these days.

You're getting your equal share of both, just weaned over, sprinkled over a few weeks or months.

I don't know. I've just got some slutty mates, and I just thought, by way of encouraging them to think outside of their box, I would devise a list of things that are better than drugs and dick.

Oh okay, how quickly do I know these people?

Probably there's more than one. Yeah, they know who they are. Yes, So things that are better than drugs and dick. I want I want to know whether you guys agree or not. A cool breeze. All right. I live in a house with nowhere on. I've become very dependent on a breeze, so I.

Can curt on better when a cool hit you in the face, and when you're already a bit sweaty, and then you can feel.

Especially when it's really hot inside and you go outside and then you breeze.

A nice hot meal, A beautiful pizza. I don't mean Dominoes or pizza. A beautiful pizza, stone baked definitely better than drugs and dick. By far. Apples with a good crunch, not those ones that like flowery, Yeah, I hate those ones. Do an impression of a flowery apple?

Okay, well this is a crunchy apple.

No, it's more like you dig your teeth in then snap.

Oh, you're right, it is.

Yeah, that's a good personation.

Yeah, and a flowery apple is Yeah, it's what the dement.

Anyway, A nice stroll better than drugs and dick, I would say, especially when there's a breeze involved as well. You're not trying to work out and like build up a sweat, You're just going for a nice Oh.

Yeah, I can, I can back that. Yeah.

A good book smell. There's a difference between a good and bad book smell. Lots of pr books get sent to this office. Some of them are ranked, some of them are delightful.

Yeah, to Rea Pits has a beautiful smell to it, just.

Like going to the library and having a good sniffy out of it's a bad book smell. Oh you know a bad book smell. It smells like it's history textbook.

Oh yeah, they've got the plasticy sheets.

Yeah, no, good at all. Really, okay, this is a good one. A really good quality fruit cutting knife. You know, when you're trying to cut a lemon or something and you're really having to work to get that basthard and it's just like getting all stringy and yak. A good fruit cutting knife just makes it like.

A pair of knife.

Yes, something like that. Oh, it's just heaven. I'm getting a bit hot and heavy just thinking about clothes fresh out of the dryer, an afternoon nap, sorting buttons that wasn't mine. I've started to get submissions from people, and so this is over ahead and that from the Shitty Committee podcast. Not familiar with wiping down a dusty surface? Movie popcorn? Oh yes, yes, I agree with that. What else we gosh? A good sit? I'm very passionate about a good sit.

You're talking my language.

Lovely curtains and stepping on a crunchy leaf. These are all things I believe are better than drugs and dick. If you have anything to add, I'd love to hear it. Okay, is there are some people out there who genuinely, genuinely seem to believe that there is nothing better than those two things. And I'm here to tell you stop being a little whore and appreciate the little things.

A good teeth clean Oh yeah, session.

Yep, it's so clean that you're almost inclined not to eat anything. Do I need that? Because my mouth feels awesome and.

Fresh as soon as you've come out of the dentist, right.

Yeah, and I like that.

Nah, I can. I can do the dentist clean feeling by myself. I don't need some other basad to do it. I hate dentists.

Yeah, but you might hate it, but afterwards it feels so good.

It's like this, this list started as a joke, but now that I'm trying to get in amongst all the bloody yoga and the mindfulness nonsense, it actually quite helps to like, you know, appreciate the little things in life.

You're a very simple person to please, and that's a compliment. You're very easy to please, like I will. You'll go, Mitch, can you load this audio onto the system? And I'll do it and you'll thank me like a labrador. You're a good boy. Thank you, Mitch. That's very good. But if you don't do something, you double cross you, O Jenna, he doesn't like it.

Yeah, that's one thing that I'm very big on. I don't know where I inherited that trait from, but I just I'm you know, I'm one of those people that's like, if you agree to do something, you do it, or have a conversation about how I don't have time whatever like that.

I don't hate it.

When people just don't do shit and they expect you And this isn't about you. You do it a lot. But yeah, I just hate it when people say they'll do something and then don't do it, and they expect me to just forget about it and they just don't bring it up. It's like, if you can't do it, just let me know whatever.

I do want to know, though, when was the last time you had one of the other two of drugs?

That really goes against the message I'm trying to send.

We don't need to.

Discuss that there's more to life than that. But you even asked me when the last time I cut fruit? What we eat?

When was the last time you cut an orange?

I haven't had no inch a while, but yes, I've got a very good fruit cutting knife, do you Yeah?

What about a nice stroll?

Yeah?

I put that on there. When I had twelve pm yesterday, I went for a life around the block. I call it my sanity walk. And I'm feeling cooped up in the office. Definitely. Anyway, do either you have anything to add or are you drugging dick obsessed?

I'm not either obsessed. I like a good tooth clean. I like a good nose blow when you get everything out.

In a nice cy. That's that's something that you have to do. That's like saying wiping your ass, Now you have to do it.

I was going to say, a good pooh, like a good one, like a good one, and it just it just comes out and you can just sort of maybe one or two wipes and you're out and you feel lighter. Come on, don't pretend it's not.

I don't feel like the word good is weird. What about a solid turd, Yeah, a healthy pooh nice, A high fiber dump running that, a high fiber dump that's perfect? Anything else, Jenne?

What about you?

I think the feeling after you've done zumba no one can relate.

Yes, they cannot.

The whole Zomboo community can relate.

We're talking about the little things in life. A one hour class that's not little. That's okay, yeah, true, very true.

Okay, Well, after any even if it's a small workout, how it feels afterwards?

I suppose the endorphins.

I've got one. When you go to Maca's drive through out and all the new modern ones have two entry points and there's two cars in one and you pull next to one and the car instantly goes So you beat the one next to you when you pick the right macas, drive.

Fend you pick the right mate them macas? What was that little brown for lane? It's just funny that that's where your head goes.

Happen to be today on the way to work.

I bet it did be dusty.

As Helen Keller once said, this podcast is fucking dope you're listening to?

Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of midges.

Do you remember in high school like talking about drugs. Now it's so open and it's just it's a different thing. But in high school, I couldn't even say the words drugs. I was so scared of it.

It was really weird in high school. I used to think, Oh, actually, more so after high school, in order to be cool, you have to like try drugs and stuff. But I wouldn't even know who to ask. I'm not cool enough. I don't have any friends that have them now. I don't know where I've ended up in life, but I feel like they're just thrown at me, like people offer them to me all the time. They're like, brah, you want a cat? Like oh, like yeah, you know what.

No? Thank you? That sounds awful. So I met someone the other night and they were like, have you been to poffed Off? Have you been aff have you been a poffed Off? I'm like no, They're like, Pulfeduff isn't just a club for me, it's my home. And I thought, for Fox's sake, maybe bump up your rant and get a new place, because that's disgusting that you think that a gay club is your home.

No, I'm not gonna lie. Puleduff in Sydney, for those who don't know, Ivy in Sydney is like the straightest of straight night clubs and it has been for like decades.

Everyone's wearing links Africa.

Yeah, they started to like decline popularity, so they've made Saturday night Pulduff Night, which is hilarious because it's like, yeah, like I can't believe Ivy is now pulled off.

Yeah.

Yeah. The place you wouldn't go a year ago because you'd be bashed is now the place you do go.

Yeah, exactly, and it actually is quite good. I went to the opening night and I've been back a few times since then, and it's like it's a lot less cramped than the clubs on Oxford Street, like, and I see a lot more people I know there, and it's like all the different flaws or the different spots, there's places to chill out. It's got a nice sense of community and also way cheaper. But then I feel bad for little old Oxford Street, think of the history attached.

I have only ever been gay clubbing like three times. Each time it's been with you. You've been there every time.

I don't feel you have when I don't remember this that I don't.

Remember because you're asking me.

Because you always every time we go gay clubbing or or there's the offer there or the invite there, you always bail just because you're like, no, I'm basically married.

I have no interest. I just want to sit at home and put face masks on and watch Love It or Listed.

And you know what, that's all right, because say it with me. There's more to life than drugs and dick. All right, let's get into talkback tings, shall we? Yes, talkback tings is where I bring the little bits of gold that I find when listening to talk back. Because you work in FM radio, you're very much suck in your own little bubble.

I am, and I have to say for those of you who well listen, we have a lot of overseas listeners, which I discovered FM and AM radio the two waves that the two wave bands we have. FM is where you have the pop music and the shows, and AM is talk back, very little music, a very right wing, right leaning.

Typically a lot older people listen to talk back, but there's plenty of people that are disinterested in using current affairs that are young that listen. But predominantly I think that's like, did they forty plus with who they have in mind?

The yeah, fifty sixty plus. But the thing is there's so many more shows and stations on AM that there's just more room for crazy. They have to talk all the time. Yeah, I have to feel a talk break about Louis Tomlinson for a minute, and I freak out. They talk for an hour on coal seam gas exactly.

And then and a lot of them have a live stream camera streaming them.

Do they yes?

On their sites? I'm pretty sure two GB does.

Oh bless you. They wouldn't even know what that means.

Oh, I didn't even know that.

Constantly on there is seemingly a rend in the room. What is that prove? I don't approve.

Today we're not listening to John Laws. We're listening to the guy that does the night show on the same station to SM.

So I'm competing with him.

Well, yeah, he's technically your rival at nighttime. So his name's Graham Gilbert. And as Wikipedia very generously phrases it, it says in two thousand and two, Gilbert's nighttime show on two SM scored a rating of zero point one in Sydney, the lowest rating ever recorded for a commercial program in metro market in Australia. Two S them subsequently withdrew from the Sydney radio ratings, So now they don't really have any way of knowing how many people do

Course. This is so so funny.

I can't explain to you've heard it?

Yeah, I've heard this. Have you heard Jenna?

No? Okay, So I've got a quick example for you, just to hear that. So basically, people call in and troll him by answering every question he asks in his quiz with the answer India.

Here It is question one, which Australian gymnast won Commonwealth Games gold in nineteen ninety and again in nineteen ninety four for his performance on the pommel horse India. I didn't think you were that done. I didn't think you were that done.

Lincoln.

That clearly I was wrong.

Hello Thomas, good Graham, Yeah, mate, God.

He's bloody idiots calling.

Up again and that you'll have the answer.

What do you think India?

Thomas? It's bedtime now, off you go, Okay, off you go. Thirteen twelve sixty nine. Hello there, Marcus, Yes, yes, mate, have you got an answer for us?

India?

Are you Marcus? Grow up? You grow up.

Good on you boys are going to be one of those nights.

Robert good evening.

Hello Graham, Hell are not too bad?

Mate?

Sorry after all.

That nonsense, could you repeat the question?

The question is mate, Which Australian gymnast won Commonwealth Games gold in nineteen ninety and again in nineteen ninety four that his performance on the pommel horse megaphone?

It wasn't even clever, mate, not even clever.

Hello, Ev Hiram is who do you think it was in Dea Eve than fall for their silly games? Okay, your match too nice to fall for their silly games.

Oh my god, I love how he says. Oh another one of those nights. Business happened a lot.

So what the fuck is a pommel horse?

I have no idea.

I don't think anyone actually knew the answer, poor Eve just like couldn't do it?

I know, But who are these people? I've done so much research I cannot find out how the India call started, and I don't know if they're still happening, but they've happened plenty of times. It's all over YouTube. But obviously he's aware of those prank callers. Often he just plays music. Because he gives up trying to do talk back. But some prank calls do slip through the cracks and he doesn't realize that they're a prank caller.

I think I know what you mean.

So this one that I'm about to play, someone called through and rather than talking to him, they just recited the lyrics to the family Guy theme song, I've given you the themes on over there, man, play it. It seems today that all you see is violence.

You know what classicse good old fresh, And.

So someone called through with those lyrics to see if he would notice. Here's how it went.

Talk Tonight on thirteen, twelve sixty nine. Hello Brian good even Graham, how are he is? Good things? Mate? It seems today that all you see is violence and movies and sex on TV.

Right.

Where are the good old fashioned values on which we used to rely.

Well that's a good point, isn't it. And it's interesting that they've done a couple of surveys of late and people are not going to movies as much as they used to. And the reason they give is because of the unnecessary language, the unnecessary sexual scenes. And you're right, people are simply wanting to go back to movies where the whole family can go and it can be wholesome.

Well lucky, there's the family.

Guy, you know.

Okay, thank you very much.

Okay, good on you, mate.

I thought he had more to say. Twelve and sixty nine talk tonight.

The best buddy is and old fashioned values on which were used to like, couldn't agree more. The movies, the movies, the gias. It's awful.

And right.

He took the bait. He had no idea. And so the challenge is, because Graham Gilbert it is so hyper aware of prank callers, is to try and slip through the cracks. So what you just heard, Mitch, I bet you're wondering why I asked to push back the recording time this week a bit later at night.

My actual night show starts very soon.

Yes I know. And Jenny, you've miss Lumba.

For this No Pump class and he's.

On seven till midnight, so there's like a two hour window and we are currently in that window. So I I was thinking.

Oh, do you want us to to call it?

I want you to call and like that person did recite some lyrics that sound like a conversation and see if he notices. So thirteen twelve sixty nine is the number. Get it ready?

Oh I don't think I can.

You knew this was coming though, Like I you act so like, oh, you're gonna make you do this. But like every time we do talk back things, I always seem to make you do something. I'm like, what have you learned from you do it? You do something off the back of it.

Okay, if you give me the lyrics, I'll do it.

Well.

A couple of the ones that I thought of were partying in the U Say by Miley Cyrus. Here's the lyricus.

Okay, thank you? Oh yeah, so just say hello ready, good a mate? Oh, Graham, I hopped off the plane at Lax with a dream and my cardigan. Welcome to the Land of Fame. Excess, am I goun.

Fitting It's the rhyming is too old?

Yeah, you kind of that. So then I jumped Graham, here I am for the first time. No, I can't do that.

The other one, another one I came up with, was all Star by smash Mouse.

Oh yeah, do you want to try?

So?

You know that song from Shrek Jenner? Yes, yeah, So I talked to night Graham Gilberts good evening, Graham.

Yeah, somebody once told me the world is going to roll me and hey Graham on the first tourmn I ate the sharpest still in the shed. She was looking kind of damn right with her fingers.

I reckon that one's okay. That one's better than party in the rhyme.

The rhymes throw us off.

Yeah, do you reckon? Jenneral, let's gover that one. Can you think of any others now? That one's the best? Yeah, it's better anyway.

No, I've got it. I've got one. Oh, I don't want to tell you what it is, but I've got one. What is it? I like, I don't want you to know.

God, I mean three thousand stuff over a long period of time. Talk tonight, your name please, Vern, you're on here, VN. What did you want to say, mate?

I just wanted to talk about ancestry dot Com and genealogy.

Yeah, very quickly, Graham.

You wouldn't believe it, but I just took a DNA test and turns out I'm one hundred percent that bitch.

Yeah, that sounds right, Vern, So, oh.

My god, he didn't take the bait at all. I don't know where it came. That was what was Wait? Which song was that again?

I can't remember what Let me get it that Lizo.

Yeah, that's right, it's a Lizo lyric classic. He caught up last week Dragon.

Yeah, my bff, miss Liza, You're.

Can only play five second. That's around five seconds. Go on.

I just took a DNA test. Turns out I'm one hundred person. Oh my god.

I like the time with the ancestry dot Com. Yeah, I've just been an ancestry like.

That's that's how I wanted his.

Old fart callers would start. You wouldn't lame it. I found the internet, he.

Said, ancestry dot com. You keep it quick. I didn't have time for burns.

But do you have flashback on there? Yeah? Okay, can you go and find two s M and then just like scroll to what just happened and send it to me. I want to know what he said after, because I reckon he would have like flagged you off a bit more.

He said, Oh my god, what did he say? Yeah, and I don't remember I just asking the wrong person again.

Can we just talk about the fact that that was way too easy to get on air?

He didn't even vet me like normally, when someone rings my show, Okay, I go hi, it's kids nights. What do you want to talk about? What's your name? Get the name and if they're ship I get rid of them, or if they want to talk about something stupid, I don't put them on. But I never go straight to air with someone.

And like if you call a talkback station, which is different to kids, they still go through the basic what's the name of what do you want to talk?

Speak?

Phone?

Usually get your suburb to Jane from Croydon.

That was weird that he puts it straight.

On air and says, what's that he is?

I was going to say, is asking to be based?

Oh my god, I can't believe that just happened. That that was We were in and out so quick.

Yeah, that's it's over before it even started. It's like getting a needle.

Have you got a Jenna? Yeap, just sent it.

I can get it in the system right there. Hold on, Do you say call it to a s M flashback? Yeah, yeah, I've got it, you get it?

What else would to s M flash Yeah, she got it? I don't know, could would that be?

So this is after he hung up on me. We obviously didn't hear what he said on air, but this is him carrying on after the print calls. Here we go Talk Tonight. Your name please, Vern, you're on a hern What did you want to say? Mate? I just wanted to talk about ancestry dot Com and genealogy. Yeah, very quickly. It's great. You wouldn't believe it, but I just took the test. Turns out I'm one hundred percent that bitch.

Yeah, that sounds right, Vern.

So you hung on for that, did you? Yeah? I think you've described yourself one hundred per Yep. We've got your numbers, so we won't put.

You back on Talk Tonight on thirteen twelve.

And that wasn't too bad. Actually better, it's actually better hearing it from the other a point of view.

Yeah, it's very smug, I reckon.

We can easily go back on that was That was not hard enough? Anyway? Well done, Look, thank you?

That was that was a successful pray.

I think that was the least nervous you've been when I'm giving you, like a talk back to his little talent today.

Well, I had the song in my head and I thought I'm just going to do it because I've got to be on a very soon as we didn't have much time, and give me the number. What was the thing to do? I remembered the game at the start of the show. You gave me a number.

Oh that's right, Okay, I'm gonna have to look it up myself. What was I remember it was? So this was to test whether your memory games are working or not. And I said to you, we've had no I said, we've had one hundred and two views, which what percentage of the people that died on the Titanic is one hundred and two?

The percentage was six point eight.

Look at you going right, I'm gonna look at your shotting.

I haven't written. I haven't written down anywhere. Unlock your fine.

No, there haven't been Oh okay, no, the most recent thing you had open wasn't the Instagram. Okay, you didn't even a cheat. Look at you go.

Your games are working. Thank you.

Memory games are work.

Don't be stupid.

Well, anyway, it's a pleasure being here. And I tell you that I've have a couple more talkback things ready to go.

Well, I do too, do you yeah, because I finish at midnight every night, so I hear the late night talkback. And if you think primetime talkback is drivel, holy shit. Yeah, the old man at one am in the morning, he's different to a normal man. It's something going on in his brain.

And he've started listening to talkback.

I've been listening and I've been calling.

Really, I've had so much fun.

I've called so many stations.

Well, firstly, I can't believe I'm such an influencer. I've cottoned you on to talkback. We've only done this segment a few times, and here you are. What the fuck do you call about.

All the time? By station? No, I want to tell you we'll get into another episode, not next week, because Christ we can't.

But okay, well you can go next time, I guess. But I've got I've got something that I heard again. I think it was like it was actually right before midnight. It's like eleven fifty something. Oh really, it's always the late late night where it gets.

Looseh late night's weird.

But they still Isn't it weird that talkback stations still get call as well into the night. People are fucking awake and still engaging with them.

Talk about live you know, I get so many calls at night?

Are the phone lines open right now? Can you open them? And we are not. We're about to wrap the show, get rid of the music. Okay, we are not wrapping the show until someone calls. I want to I want to answer the next call.

I don't think anyone's going to call because.

Right now I just said I get so many call it's very true.

Do you really have to wait for someone to call?

I mean not? All my fucking ideas are good. We don't have to do but no, that's I'm happy.

You want to do it. How are just I'm good? I'm good?

How are you really good? Actually? Yeah?

Should I open? Don't worry? Nothing? No nothing, Jenna say nothing, Jenna, I mean nothing. You're fired.

You're the rat. He's not a rat, he's more a ferret.

Me.

Yes, I'm not a fair offer to have long, slender bodies.

But it's a cue. What am I thinking of? If I'm thinking of your affairs?

Maybe you're skunk raccoon.

Have you ever noticed that if you add a climate before an animal, that makes it sound so much more insulting, Like instead of just saying, oh you're a pig, you go, oh you desert pig.

Yeah, very true. Yeah, are you appellation grab? I got to think of it. While we wait, Let's play a little game I created. Okay, so it's pretty simple, guys. I've got the beats of very famous songs, and you have to tell me the name of the song. No lyrics, no words, no instruments, just the pure beat.

Does this count as copyright for the podcast? Copyright laws thing?

No? This is fine.

Okay, so they're only five seconds or.

Yeah, instrumentals the instrumentals.

I don't know the law there, but that's fine.

Who cares? Do you want to hear the rules of Did I set them up enough?

You just have to guess what the beat is, right, like what the song is?

Yeah? Very true. All right, we're ready for the first one. So here we go, Ladies of Chance. Your name is your buzzer?

And sorry I didn't hear the name of your buzzer. Well, I just started singing along because I knew it. No, that's okay, that's more than a beat. That's there's some background like synth.

I'm gonna give it away somehow. They was would just be literal Bay supports the Pig. Next one.

Mitchell, a band that I got stammen on.

Well done. Okay, think of this game? Yes, well done, Okay, here we go. You should know this more than anyone.

Jenna, poker face done it to play it again? Play it again? I don't recognize that at all.

Just wait there, let's try and sing it.

God kidding?

She call that room your ottle body will be mad? All right? Last one, winner takes all?

Do you ever feel?

Shut up?

Jenna, well done, you've done it.

A bit of feedback, But can I say something? I thought the game was you answer with your name and then the name of the song.

He said Mitchell, and he said firework.

He sang yeah, but I clearly identify this. I so you said no singing, Jenna, don't be daft. It doesn't suit you.

I asked you to play the rules too, and no one wanted to hear it.

A bit of feedback. You played the beat from the verse, and then when you played the answer, you played the chorus. They're different beats. You should play the same section of the song in.

The reveal when you're playing. When you're on radio, you want the listeners to know that the want them to hear the thing they most recognize.

Well, then play the beat they most recognize. Clown Bush clown, stop.

Your tropical Oh dear, well, we're still waiting for another game I created. Shut up? Okay, hello, it's me.

I'm over and I want to go home. This wasn't my best idea. Let's go next week, all right, thanksful listening, guys. We'll catch again next week. Don't forget to leave. It's the review.

No, we want to get to one hundred and ten by next week. Lads, gents, let's just keep sitting there.

Written ones are better. Do pop five stars and move on with your life. For God's sake, got little bit of effort. Take some pride in your work.

Amen. Next week we're on with a very special guest. That's right, that's all we're going to say. But if you have a child, god, they're gonna laugh.

It's not Emma Wiggle.

It's not Emma Wiggle. And it's not the one that our friend had fun with. What five five kids?

Oh yeah, No, one of my friends banged a supporting cast member of the Wiggle. No, one of the main Wiggles. Can you fuck off with the sound effects? It wasn't one of the main Wiggles. But it's like one of the one of the supporting casts up there with the wag, the dog of the work.

It was the puppet, the one that looked like a mop he fucked.

What's its name, I don't want to say. Apparently they're married. But this friend that did the banging, he is one of the people who the Drugs and Dick list was aimed at.

Interesting. All right, we'll see you next week.

All right, Thanks to all our callers. Bye bye.

Is it just me?

Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review on your podcast.

App I why do I always there to talk first in a debrief Because I always talk first at the top of the show, and you always talk first at the bottom.

It's our roles. Don't forget. You can call us. This is the secret segment, and lines are open.

We've already established that no one calls lines. People can call listen. This is add Brief. If you knew here, it's our secret segment. We pretend the shows over, hoping to trick people out of listening because this is the loose part. You know, we don't really stay on track. There is no track to stay on. In fact, that's why it's add Brief. No focusing required.

It's like a ghost train. It's on its way to nowhere. And we got one before I could even announce it. That's how popular it is. We've won three bloggings for these. You can actually live tweeters during the show. Who's that? That's the sham wau guy. Just love the show, guys, it's very nice.

Yeah this gag, Jenny, you can give me your opinion on this too. I feel that this gag where he plays a really obnoxious amount of sound effects and pretends that we have a tweets and shit and just plays random sound effects for no fucking reason. I think that should live only in ad de Breeth. That started to bleed into the show just then.

That's because we had to wait for your stupid call.

Ye, this is stupider.

It's not stupid. Is that a word?

I don't think it is.

Probably not the Google produce the gender.

Someone's here, someone's here, Let them in? Hello next time? Could you pretty please use the doorbells?

Right?

They just test it and promised, almighty, they're out of here. They're gone. See I did get new sound effects. You often say to me Mitchell, and when you say Mitchell my full name, my heart starts racing, get terrified. I'm in trouble. I've been naughty. He's going to kill me. And then he goes get new sound effects? And what do I do? I get them and I say, Mitch, I got sound effects. I call him. I call Mitch, and all I hear is.

Anyway, you actually did get a new sound effects. Those memory games are working a treat. I used to say to you, not even off it, just like when we're doing the show. I'd be like, mate, the only reason I put up with this segment is on the false The only reason I put up with this gag is on the false promise that you will get new sound effects. So I'm not hearing the same shit every week and you never do. But here we are a fresh batch. Fucking hell.

Yeah, I just like to be prepared for you guys.

You know what I mean?

Everything ready? Do you think people listen this far in the show?

Yeah?

I was talking to someone and they said, I didn't realize that add brief was a thing. I just stopped the episode. Yeah, and I said, but there's clearly at least a quarter of the audio.

Left when you look at the little thing that you draft. Yeah, I mean ad is meant to be like a ten minute bit on the end. It's usually at the halfway mark.

But tonight we don't have much time.

But yeah, a couple of people say the same thing. They're like, I only the other day heard add brief for the first time. I didn't realize that was a thing, and I was like, this is where this is. I'm just not I'm not proud of this section of the show. Not good.

It's just Chad don't speak porpoise on the show.

I can't help it.

Sorry, just happens sometimes, idiot. It's the sliding door. No, you can't come in through the doors. Okay, close and thank you, thank you very much. So what I didn't tell you guys when I first Sorry, I've also installed Facebook Messenger live Facebook Messengers.

That's not even the Facebook Messengers out anymore.

Yes it is.

No, there's a new one, is there?

Hi?

Who's that?

You know?

The one that's like no on a laptop. That's what I'm talking about. Phone messenger is different. You just message me now, open my laptop.

What was that? Just opened my.

Laptop sounded like one of those salmon tubes, you know that video They went viral where they put the salmon in the giant pipe.

You know, coals and wool is how that. I don't know if they still use them. But when I worked there, they had vacuums right next to the register, and when you had to send you too much cash, you'd suck it up.

Really cold green register four cod green register four good one.

And would go above all the customers heads and then in head off as Gail who would sit in the finance area or be sitting there, the shoot above her head would just drop into a lap. And you did it. But it was money.

Are you going to methage me?

Or or not?

Or not doing it?

Now?

Ready?

He forgot See it's not that old that. I haven't heard that. You play that message again?

Yeah, well someone has to message it. I'm not playing anything. You're lucky someone did that.

I haven't heard that an age, this was this?

This is this even an Maybe it's not even Facebook messenger.

They have a very similar one.

Really. Yeah, you guys talking about yourself. I'm just gonna cut my.

What are you cooking?

Do you cook sirloin?

I love to cook, really, I love to cook.

I actually do love to cook.

I really do all that This is what I missed about when I used to work night hours. It's that time in the morning you've got, Like I didn't start work till two, You don't start till fucking six. Yes, like, yeah, you could wake up at like eleven and then just pissed around all day. Imagine the meals you can make in that time.

I do piss around, but I don't do much.

Yeah, I believe you.

I watched an entire series of American Horror Story in two days.

How many episodes are in it?

Thirteen?

Oh, that's not that impressive, but they're like.

Hour long episodes, and it's very convoluted, like the Witch was also the clown that's your dad and the principle the whole time. Fuck got one? Sorry? That is then someone someone just nudged us. That's exciting, and didn't realize that that's not a nude we could do on a nudge?

Is no nudged?

Oh yeah it was.

Not.

That's Oh I'm not Jenna, Have you given birth again?

That's why she wants to go to a body pop class so she can get impregnated again.

Can you stop now?

Jenna is hold on? Hey, Siri is Jenna pregnant. Yes, there are interesting I've enabled Siri on the show too.

Can I tell you the other day we were I was in the office until late how this bloody project had to work on, and so my work hours crossover with Mitch's, which never happens anymore. He doesn't get until who was meant to get in at six? That doesn't often happen on the dot, doesn't. But he was in the office at the same time as me, and he was sitting out in the pit there where the producers sit, and his boyfriend face timed him. About half an hour later in the studio. I come in to be like, oh,

Utes?

Yes, And then I pissed off again for an hour. I came back and they're talking again, and I was like, what the f what's new now? And he goes, I'm married at first sight finished, and I was like, oh, how Like it's nice that they're in love quite clearly, and they like each other's company and they want to talk all the time. But it's been a year. Do you think you're gonna get out of that phase? Or is that the constant thing?

But there's no phase, like we just enjoy talking to each other.

But like facetimes. One thing, think about it.

We don't talk to each other. I won't see him because I start at six and finish at midnight and he starts at eight am and finishes at five. We never see each other until weekends. Okay, so that's when we talk.

Yeah, do it in the one FaceTime?

Oh please? You wouldn't understand.

No, I wouldn't to be honest.

Whose first tweets over?

What were you even talking to him about that? Because every time I came in, I was like, what is going on?

We hadn't caught up about the day? Oh right?

And that needed that was a three part series, was that the day?

Let me tell you, times are different. Back when you were dating people would do it now. I mean, Scotty Cam, why don't you tell him what's happened?

Can you stop with the sound effect. I'm trying to have a fucking conversation and rid of it.

Times have changed, Times have changed. It's twenty twenty. Did you hear what he said?

All right, we're going to go guys back next week. We have a special we have a special guest.

We can genuinely talk about it. We talk a lot on the phone, not really just one more one more time for talk tonight to please?

Can you go back to that tick sound effect I made that? Did you I remember making that? That's that's the not my cup of tea tick, that's our cross as well.

I like and I use it for my show at nights.

What I like every show having its own like that's why we use all the same beds here and like all the same backing tracks and the same bushes and shit. I like that every show to have its own like identity, you know. And so I made my own ticks and cross sound effects like correct incorrect, And you've been using them on kids for quite a while. They have the kids have their own.

I prefer these. The kids ones are too intense. Do you want to hear the kiss ones? Yeah? It's very prison like. And we really need to get that out here because my show's on in like fifteen minutes and I haven't even prepared. I've got Conan and Gray on the show. Very you, it is very me, you know what? Why don't we do it? For old time sake, We'll close the show as if we were at the Oscars and we had a great old time thing and all of a sudden we're getting played off. Guys, we have

I don't want to say, if you've got this far, what do you mean should we tell them? No?

Okay?

Well, the music is getting gradually louder.

Also, all this omitting who it actually is is almost like overhype. Yeah, very true, John, like it's going to be fun and like we really like the person, but like it's not.

It's Kathy Freeman.

Is not just bringing our medals and the labordador?

What does that ring to mind for you?

Guys? The music isn't getting quieter. We're at the Oscars.

Who's the most unexciting guests? The co host that we can possibly bring it?

Leave me trick it is on the show.

We're bringing Dulie Goodman out of retirement.

Bringing a croquet bush. All right, we'll see you next week.

Bailed out Paulinie, God for.

Bitch, you didn't drive? All right, we'll see you next week. Guys, can you turn it down? I can't worry the oscars.

I'm the conductor. I'm just going to stop the band. There we go. It worked, It did work. A sorry, we'll rest the short on the way home. I'll be listening to Grahame Gilbert, not you.

That's fine, to be honest. I wonder if he knew it was me.

Nothing he listens to. Kiss is literally working when you're working.

Very true. We're done, see you next week.

Yea, all right, let's go fine, bye, guys.

Thanks for listening, have a good show, Thank you so much.

All right, see it soon.

Ye is it just me?

Don't forget to subscribe and leave argue on your podcast up

At MI