#148: Life Update x

Hosted by a couple of minches.

Bless yourself for the rude shocks of young adults.

Oh please, you're in bed with a cup of bloody hall licks by a tallicks and push you to sleep.

It's like a milk drink. Sounds like the slur I've heard that whole Licksui.

And mitchual coups.

Hello you, hallo you Hello. I'm fucking knacked this week, I've gotta tell you. Oh my god, I am.

My life is in disarray.

I feel so out of it. Why are you? What's wrong with you? Oh? I just if I never get on a flight for the rest of the year, I'll be quite happy.

You're a jet setter. You've been to the Red Center.

Yeah, I just got back from Darmond and all the Roud, which, don't get me wrong, was absolutely wonderful, huge bucket listing. I've fucking adored it. But yeah, the week before with the Melbourne Comedy Festival and so there's been a lot of get up early getting on flights and it really really knocks me round.

Yeah, but there's a period coming up where it's a bit chill, right that it calms down in a couple of weeks.

Although heading back home to bogen Gate this weekend. That's a long drive. Oh how long? And then my sister's thirtieth the following weekend. Oh god, yeah, she had not even fucking thirty yet. I know, right, She's got three children and she's only just turning thirty.

It's my point.

She's Jenna's age.

Oh my god, she is Jenna's age. Of course, price keeper Jenna not here on the show. She's on strike.

Yeah, I think she might be a bit shitty with us. Yeah, and rightly so, because you might remember last year, remember how I made a big dramatic song and dance about the fact that you and Jenna forgot my birthday.

I've just forgotten it. I've worked for months with my therapist not remember that incident, but yes I do.

Yeah, And I was like so dramatic and took it so personally. We fucking forgot to acknowledge Jenna's thirtieth birthday on last week's episode. Now she's not here.

No, we didn't forget her birthday. We celebrated her on the day we got a gifts, we spoke to her, but we didn't do it on the days before the episode that dropped a couple days before.

I know, I just I got it wrong, because I actually did think to myself maybe two episodes ago, oh shit, Jenna's birthday is coming up. She's mid June. I think, yeah, I've got plenty of time to organize something. And then it just crept up. And as she was fourth of June, which is not mid June, I was close. I was close, and so we just accidentally missed it. And then I was going to make up for it this week. I brought chocolates for her. Oh but nap, she's taken it personally, she's not here.

Jenna's on strike. Can you believe that?

I mean, I know how she feels.

No, don't bring that up. Come my birthday this September thirty. Just forget mine. And we're even now, we're all even.

We would never do such a thing. We would never forget your birthday.

S till you said that, you go, we would never forget your birthday or Jenna's, And then we fucking did it.

Yeah, I'm sensing a pattern. You were involved in both. Now we're getting incidents.

Don't make it b please, We're yours is in a month, so fuck.

We need to July twenty five, you've got a bit of time.

Yeah, but still, I mean, it'll creep up on us. So and we're happy birthday to prize keeper Jenna. Guys, send her a message. She's thirty.

Can you believe that? I actually can't.

She looks so good for her. Gods, we're not just groveling because we forgot about it.

She also didn't do anything for a thirty if neither did Sean, Like, do people just get weird about turning thirty that I want to draw attention to it.

I've already got the theme down for my purpose.

Really.

Yeah, I'm not even joking. I'm not gonna say it because it's so good.

No.

Wait, I feel like I don't want to celebrate my birthday at the moment because it's like twenty seven whatever. And even last year I was like twenty six. Who cares? But thirty, surely that's like a milestone in a way, that's a big one.

Well, I'm there soon. I actually have started thinking about it. I'm twenty seven now, but I'm twenty eight in September.

Fuck we're old.

We were young and successful now we're just middle aged, boring people.

I know and like the whole bio for our podcast used to be Surviving your twenties. Now we're gonna be fucking too old for our own format.

Oh my god, I know. Are we gonna have to change the tag one when we hit thirty?

We're gonna have to now, you know what?

Fuck that thinking thirty is young?

Thirty? Yeah, so young?

It is changes from twenty nine to thirty, So in my eyes, up until thirty five, we can still be young podcasters.

I think so.

I think anyway, that's all ahead of us. Are you good otherwise?

Yeah? No, I'm actually I'm actually gorgeous.

Good yeah, good good.

It's gonna be an interesting episode today. Jenna hates us. There's tension there. You've got some big news later, which is hardly fun. So I'm just doing fine by comparison.

Actually, listen, I've got an announcement to make on the show today.

And then just to lighten things up, Rubenk's coming on a mix Yeah quite.

As today, rubin ka hilarious. Would you call them? They're a cabaret sensation that's not really drag. Ruben doesn't do drag.

I think he does actually technically like there was a viral video ad just go of like children meeting and drag. Rubin was involved in that. But I've heard Ruben make the same joke where he is what you become when your parents tell you you can be anything. Because he's a comedian, cabaret performer, like just tic tic tick, all these different job titles you could put to his name, but he's his fucking hilarious. I think give him as a comedian first and foremost.

Well, if you don't know who Ruben k is. They were in the news because of all the controversy around the joke they made on the Project the news show in Australia.

Which I didn't think the joke was that bad. We'll address that with him. The joke was hilarious.

My upset a religious group and they they were, Oh my god, they were villified in the media for weeks. The project had to do an official apology. It was such a rigmarole.

So I just realized that you're using day then pronouns. Am I misgendering Ruben No.

I just do it sometimes just to be saying if in down, if in doubt, theyve them it out. I like that. But I've got their press release here.

Oh, I just checked Instagram. Hee him?

Okay, good, all good, All right, well he I'm going to really double down. Now, that's a good rule of thing. Even when I'm interviewing people, I say they because I don't want to get in trouble.

Well, I just it made me shit myself and go fuck fuck? Am I misgendering him? No, I'm not.

It's just easy to say they. All right, let's start the show. I'm nervous for my news.

Oh you'll be right. You got your pal Mitchell. Will you guide me through? So? Yes? Sounded of it sexual? Oh, I'll guide you in.

You put it in. Think about that? All right, let's go.

Yeah, let's get in.

Start the show. If it is your first time listening, is it just me a podcast? What do I say?

Again? Oh? We start the show the same way every week too? Is it just me? One each We don't tell each other what it's going to be. Correct, something we noticed, something we hate to appreciate. Correct?

You go first, I've gone first, last couple of weeks.

Okay, all right, here we go.

Is it just me?

Airport lounges? Bullshit?

Oh wait, no, I love airport lounges. I thought you were going to go the other way.

We've clearly been to different airport lounges.

Are you talking about like the like when you've got points and you can go into the fancy lounge or the gate.

I don't have enough points to go into the fancy lounge, dear, But I've been catching a lot of flights recently, like I just said, yea. And when I was flying back from Melbourne couple of weeks ago, I had to get there quite early, and my comedy promoter, the guy that organizes all the bullshit for me, my comedy boss, if you like, he was with me and he was flying back to Adelaid, different flight, different lounge altogether, and I was like, oh my god, I'm so tired. I could

Yes you can.

He goes it's probably around thirty bucks, which is what you'd pay for a meal and a coffee anyway at an airport. And so I was like yeah, you know what a bloody will that'll be nice. Ah, oh my god, false advertising. It was sixty four dollars to get in. Yeah, and once I was in there, I was not happy. I was not fucking impressed with Melbourne's virgin domestic airport loud.

Oh it was virgin.

Was that?

I've been to that one? That's beautiful to the purple. It's got seats in Melbourne.

Yeah, night sucked.

Really, maybe I'm thinking of a Sydney one.

I went in there and I was like, sixty bucks. Okay, I'm gonna have to fucking milk this buffet.

Yeah.

The buffet had a couple of measly bits of bacon left. Yeah, neutra grain. They had a plate that said muffins that were empty. No muffins, remove the sign. At least they had white bread. I put in that ridiculous conveyor belt toaster thing.

Oh it always needs three rounds, it.

Always needs threeays. And they didn't have any other bread options, just white. And then those stupid little vengjie might packet things. Oh and that's it. Yeah, I burned through those an instant coffee.

Oh that isn't that's it. That's really bad.

When I think sixty four dollar buffet, I think fucking eggs that are scrambled, fried and poached. Yeah, several different types of toasts.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was just pathetic. And also it was mostly tables and chairs. I couldn't lie down and have an app That's the whole reason I went in there.

Yeah, I God, I feel I'm sad because I'm such an advocate for the lounges and I'm really sorry that you had that experience it with shock.

And they did have a barista that I could access, and I was trying to get my money's worth. I'm gonna have to get quite a few coffees here, Yeah, sixty four dollars worth. But I'd already had two before I got to the land, so I was getting real jittery. But I was like, I've spent sixty four dollars to get in this fuck hole. I'm have it. I'm going to have to make it worth my while. I don't care about the jitters and the heart palpitations.

But don't you think that was nicer than sitting in the general lounge? The gate?

Now?

Really not worth it?

If I went to you know how they've got the gorgeous little beer gardens or like the little pubs almost within the airport normal lounge. That would have been a better breakfast than the fucking muck that I was served. Really it was pathetic.

Oh I feel sorry for you.

So it was that just a bad experience because like, surely not all airport lands are that povo.

Well, here's a little hack. This is my wallet on my iPhone. Ready I have got my dad is a silver member of Virgin.

How much different fly? Because in my mind I thought I've caught a lot of flights over the years, Surely I'm getting up there.

No, I've got fuck all point nowhere? Ay they re they like regenerate every twelve months. So if it's called status credit, so like you can get as many points as you want. But status is when you fly regularly. So if you don't fly every month, you're gonna lose all your points.

So the whole time I thought, oh, I've been collecting them, yeah since twenty sixteen. Now surely I've got hates of points. That that makes sense.

So I've got my dad's because he flies for work every week. So I just check, I buzz it and and they missed cheery welcome, and I go into the silver lunge. I've got Quantus, I've got Virgin, I've got all of.

A lune different to the one I went into.

No, but you get more benefits, you don't have to pay, and then I think you can get more alcohol. I don't know was there alcohol? They would have been free grog.

It was aight, am, Mitchell. I wasn't fucking for sorry, true, I was looking for a fucking buffet breakfast and some coffee.

Well, you know, are you across the whole world of airline points. It's a whole industry in and of itself. You can get credit cards. All my friends do it now, I'm heading into thirty. Everyone's doing it. You get a high return credit card with Quantus frequent Flyer points.

I'm a virgin girl.

Sorry, well yeah, but Quantits do international.

You know, are you a virgin girl? That's interesting? Yeah, yeah, no, it's my preference normally really because Quantitas have just been having so many pr nightmares recently, Like I actually went on a date with someone who works in fucking PR at Countess and oh my god, I've never seen someone so stressed, Like, oh, there's just constantly. I feel like more things go wrong, there's more cancelations their customer service. I hear more horror stories from Quantus.

They've had like a couple of mechanical issues too.

Yes, yes, there was one plane that got bogged in Rockampton. How do you bog a plane?

It's in the sky.

How do you accidentally drive it off the runway into mud?

We're stuck in sky mud. I was really sorry about these. Yeah, the whole new world of Quantus points. If you've got Quantits tips, actually post them in the Facebook group because I'm kind of getting into it. Like you get a high point credit card and then every time you spend a dollar you get two frequent Fire points. So if you're spending every day look on your groceries, you're just earning points. So it's a whole thing. And then people end up after a year getting that's how people fly

Shit? Wonder if they do the same thing for virgin Who knows.

But you can't even get a fucking muffin, let alone a free first class light, So I don't think that's for you.

I did have to cheat on my girl Virgin then fly Quantits when I went to Northern Territory because I don't the only flight they had from Darwin to Alice Springs. Yeah, because I flew from Darmond Alice Springs and then drove to Olivu. The only flight they had was a Quantuslink, which, by the way, y'all slept on Quantuslink. They're fucking so much better than a normal Quantitis.

Now.

They're tiny, the small planes with propellers.

But only two seats in the row, so there's no middle seat. Sean and I got to sit next to each other, and I feel that it was despite being a smaller plane. I think it was more spacious than a normal flight.

I don't fit on those planes. I'm too tall. I have to crouch down. I flew to Hamilton Island on one and I did not fit in the plane.

Really, I actually loved it. I was going to get more tiny plane.

No, I feel like I'm about to die. You can see the propeller out the window. There's nothing comforting about a spinning blade four thousand feetureare.

San's catching a REX flight? No, tokay? When I go home over the long weekends can't come with me. And apparently REX flights are like a lawn mower with wings. Apparently they're terrifying rexish Rex. I don't even think Regional Express yes sense.

Yeah, but I thought REX only did cargo. I don't think it had actual bodies on it. I thought it did.

Like how you fly at a random place.

When we got my dog from Casino far North Queensland.

Why do you have to go to casino for a dot that's where the breeder was.

Why do you have to go to that breed. I wanted that dog and I just flower him in a Rex down to Sydney. We picked him up at the airport.

Oh you didn't fly and pick him up. N he flew down.

That's why he's got high functioning dog anxiety because he was on a fucking REX plane at a bat of puppies age.

That is just mind blowing to me, because firstly, I'm very pro adopt, don't shop. You could have and adopted something from the pound in Sydney that didn't have Thirteen.

Years ago, times were different. I would adopt now.

I think there were still dogs for adoption. Thirteen years ago I was ten.

I was a kid.

Were there really no breed? Is in Sydney?

That is?

I'm not so many question in Okay, you know what, I'll go into it if you want to. Hamish, my family dog was like the og kavoodle. Everyone's got kovoodles. Now all our gay friends have kavoodles. Everyone has. They're all three, four five years old. Hamish is thirteen years old.

And why did the cheeries have their hearts that are akvoodle? They didn't.

I did because I'm a nuts so kid and I wanted a dog my whole life. So I researched for years and this new breed, the Corckapoo, from America, and I got one of the only places to get it was in Casino at the time, So I'm not even joking. Hamish gets stopped on the street by my mum. This is true and people ask if they can breed with him because he's such a pure kavoodle. It was our rats. Yeah, his nuts a cut off, but there's been so many

I don't think I want to know how much that costs to import him from Casino.

You won't know how much he was hand on heart. He was one thousand dollars and then.

He had of people paying way more than so that's okay.

He had a hernia, so we got him fifty percent of he was five hundred dollars, and then the hernia dissolved. We didn't even have to get surgery.

Oh my god, I know that the best. I didn't know you were such a dog new I'm not.

But I just know all this information because I really wanted to be a dog when I was a kid.

But in the process of googling where do I get a rare kavoodle? When you realize there's anyone in Casino, wouldn't you or your parents go no, we can't be fucked going ahead with this. But you were so determined to get that particular breath.

Have I not shown you the photos? Mitchell? I was neurotic about getting the perfect dog because I didn't have a brother, and all I wanted was a brother, and my parents were like, we're not fucking having a kid, and I go, I want a dog. So the agreement was.

I'll get a dog adjacent to a brother.

I was a boy and I was ten years old. I thought, a boy, Will you know, a boy will make me feel like I've got a brother. Anyway, this breeder I wanted the cutest dog in the world. And I was such an awful person to this breeder waylist and breeders.

So how old were you book? Well, it was thirteen years ago, so I would have been what what's that time? No, that's why I asked. I didn remember. On twenty seven minus thirteen, you were fourteen.

I was fourteen.

Oh that's a painful age.

So I said to the breeder, Hi, considering we are importing this caverdle, I'd like photos for you to prove the size and weight of this dog. So she I've got the photos. There's a Facebook album I made when I was a kid. This is him on his farm in Casino.

Oh, I got a dog that looked just like that from Marispca and dab mate. You wasted your fucking money.

I said, I think he looks too big. Put him next to something that I have reference for for scale. So she took a photo next to them with a can of food.

Oh that's so cute. Send him next to a little can of chum or something.

Can of chum. She was terrified at me. She said, giess Mitchell, any other photos you'd like anyway? Heymy, she's still kicking everybody.

He's cute. He's a little bit more gray now he's a gray thirteen year old Caverdle, the oldest cavitial in town. All right, well, long story short. Yeah, No, I wasn't impressed with the airport lounds. That's all I've gotta say. They're overhypeded. Give another crack now, all right, you're ready for my agent, yep, hit me, just me.

Is it okay to swear front of in front of young children?

Oh god? I mean, I personally don't care, but one of these days a parent's going to take issue.

Yeah.

Even on the flight I think it was was the Quantus Think flight. I just mentioned the flight from Darwin to Alice Springs. I said something about like, oh suck my ass, I love this flight, and then Sean was like, keep your voice down. Oh right, yeah, because there was a child perilously close to it.

And he's polite of course.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

That Well. The reason I bring this up is because and I I'm not gonna I don't I'm not gonna endorse running around in front of children swearing your ass off.

Get a but yeah, how I can't face is that a RUSQUEI gets you on.

Your little pool. I'd never say that on the podcast, yes, but never a child. My friend called me. You know this person, Gordy, he works at HM. He called me the other day just to have a chat, and he's driving and we're talking for a good five minutes, and then I say something like, oh, that's fucking awful. And I don't have a potty mouth, but I'm not afraid to swear. I swear in conversation.

You've definitely gotten worse in the time we've been friends that I've influenced me. I think I was gonna say, I'll cop that blame I reckon. That's my fine.

I never used to swear, but I do a lot now. And Gordy goes, oh, bubb's in the car man, and I go, oh, sorry, sorry, all good, So keep talking. A couple of minutes past, and then towards the end of the chat we're wrapping up. But I'm doing other things. I like, all right, mate, see you know that's a well fucking awful story, but you know what, you made it through all the shit. And then he pauses and he goes, yeah, no, worries Gordon Ramsey. I didn't realize

So fuck is Gordy pretending he is? He swears as much as anyone.

But to his credit and his defense, he's got a kid. He's a dad. Now he's got this. It's got different.

Priorities, I suppose. And oh yeah, it's been a few years. The kid would be old enough I actually recognize those sorts of works, start repeating them.

Swear words.

Yeah, the beautiful girl's about three. Yeah, okay, now she'd start repeating what she hears. I love that sweet spot when a child is a newborn and you can still swear around them.

Yeah.

I was holding my sister's kids being like, get a fuck face, how are you?

Totally it's so fun. Oh my god, my godson's the catchphrase of my mum. My mom just turned sixty and her catchphrase is shit Michelle. She's got her own catch ray because my dad says it in every situation. Oh shit, car breaks down, shit Michelle. Or he doesn't have cash, really want to go to a burger restaurant. Shit Michelle. It's never even mum's fault, but.

It's like fourteen thousand dollar kvoodle has the HERNI shit Michelle.

And my god sons Harrison and Fletcher, who are ten and six seven Wills start saying shit Michelle, and it's hilarious. And their mum, my cousin and their dad. I don't care.

It's hilarious.

They're not going to grow up to be serial killers because they know the word shit.

I think it's fine if kids swear as long as your parent teaches them. Okay, these are at home words, but these are not or at school words or out in public words, because like if a kid starts getting lippy at school, they're going to be like, Okay, that's not good. The kid might get in trouble of the school or whatever it may be. Yeah, but as long as you know they are taught that these words are okay to use around the family, but not around other people. Then surely that's okay, hilarious.

Yeah, Like I want a funny kid, I want a boring conservative kid.

It does take me at least a few hours when I first start hanging out with my nieces and nephews. It takes me a little while to remember. It takes the first few fucks before I go, oh god, it sings in. I can't say that now.

I'm all for No. Sorry, I was gonna say, I'm all for fucking in front of children. That's not what I meant.

That's not what I thought.

No, No, move on, Is it just me? That's enough of these two?

Look now, let's hear and is it just you?

All right?

Time for?

And is it just you?

Something you've noticed you hate or appreciate? We do too, We've just done them.

And if your turn, bitch, you can hit us up.

On the DMS couple Mitch's slide in or mit. Sure they can text us.

For one two seven one two oh nine two.

Now that phone, I will say, we have an igym phone, like a hotline, like a bat phone, and they go straight to it. It's it's not another phone, not a private phone. You can text as much as you want, don't be afraid even if you want to say hi, or you have thoughts on the show or questions about the show.

Yeah, it doesn't just have to be if you've got an is it just you, you can just fucking send your thoughts. Yeah, anything you think of during the show. And also if you want to do an is it just you send a voice message If you're too shy to come on the phone, that's fine.

Oh that's a good point.

We have done a lot of phone calls recently, but I'm loving it.

I love it so much. You love a good phone call, as we know. But we'll do voice notes as well if you don't want to come on and have a chat, so fine. That number once again, Mitch, what was it?

Oh? Four one two seven one two oh nine two.

She's got a good memory. I can't even remember my own number.

It's because I've said it a few times and then had to listen to the edit back. I've just heard myself say.

Okay, well, Danny is coming to us from our New South Wales. She's in Newcastle.

Hello Danny, honey.

Hello, Hello boys.

How the hell are yea? How long have you been listening to the show? What's the goss.

Oh gosh.

I think I started listening during what a couple of other favorite podcast is of mine called The Great Choir. That's when I've really got into podcasts. There, the Great car a great choir as in Quarantine.

Ah, I like Great Choir.

Yes, he foun us during quarantine. A lot of people found its during quarantine. Yeah, that's very fun. Well all right, well Bradley will caut you in and hit us with you? Is it just me? Okay, okay?

Is it just me?

Was it not until listening to this podcast two weeks ago that you realized valet was pronounced valet and you've been saying veil.

All the and then when someone's dead and then they put like veil, shame worn.

It's like condolences.

Yeah, yes, and I swear to god I have said it it like wait and stuff? Yeah wakes wait.

Who said it on this show?

I think I've said it quite a few times. Callum said it.

A couple of weeks ago. Yeah, when Callum was on. Yeah, I can't remember when.

So it's actually like, in joke with some friends of mine, we just go, oh, varlet obviously because you don't really say the word violet. Out loud. It's it's written on the news and shit, the funeral programs, stuff like that. You don't hear it said out loud and often. But my friends and I always go varlet obviously, and then

Spreading spread said it. But I think it's one of those words that the Aussie accent just doesn't do justice.

For Valet fallet. Yeah, malet, but if we're French value. Do you know what though, I remember googling it once and you know how Rose has the e with a flick on it it, Yeah, Varlet doesn't. So I could be wrong. It could be veil. It could be maybe maybe I'm saying it wrong.

Denny, do you know the right pronunciation? How what have you been saying? You've been saying vague veil say it?

Yes, I know I've got such a bogue and accent, and I you know, have a lot of friends and family that call me like Kimberling and Craig's you know, teenage love child.

So oh I love that your epony.

Yes, yes, but yeah, I think I just confuse a lot of people with things that I say. So they probably heard it and they've just gone okay.

It'll make you feel better because I don't think anyone knows the correct pronunciation, so I would never call anyone out. If someone said to me, no veil, I wouldn't go. It's valet.

Apparently it means farewell in Latins, so maybe it doesn't need the little flick on the e to be ballet.

Hold on, there's a YouTube that does pronunciations. I'm going to get it up.

Ballet in Spanish, in Spain. This Spanish we're talking about last I don't understand that.

I don't understand. All right, Danny, thanks for your origin. We've got nowhere and we have helped you, and we've wasted your time.

I'm glad to taught you something. Thank you.

Bo.

Don't forget to hit our prize keeping. Jennifer your prize. Even less she's on strike today, she will be resuming her prize keeping. Gittis all right, we'll do.

Thanks Danny, And if you want to get in touch with Mitchell. That number once again is.

Go for one two seven one two nine two.

And it's a text We'll get you on the show. Okay, Mitchell. I'm so excited for our guest today. Truly truly one of the greats and someone that we were meant to have on the show. Yeah, quite a while ago, in a long time coming, a long time coming. The one and only Reuben Kay is here.

Hello, Rube, gorgeous.

It feels so good to be finally here.

They tried to silence you. We were meant to have you on this podcast the same week that you were on the Project. Yeah, no, some people might have missed that, but yeah, a little something happened after the Project appearance, didn't it happen?

Did you and Willie dah or you're not get along or something.

I just think you're not doing something right. You're not doing anything right if you're not pissing someone off. And it was it was lovely for me to be back in the muzzle for once.

Yeah, I can't imagine. So hold on, are you are you happy to tell the joke you told on the project or do we not go back to that stuff?

Because I've been telling that joke for about eight years because I love Jesus. I love any man who can get nailed for three days straight and come back for more.

And all the hosts on the project laughed along, didn't have an issue.

Yeah, yeah, well, of course, because it's a funny joke. It's a funny joke, but if you take it out of context, what you see is someone queer sort of poking a bear. And what I set up in the joke prior was that this is actually about me receiving hate from Christian people who used Jesus's name as a way to, as you know, gets done, use Jesus's name as a way to write abuse or hatred of queer people. So I told the joke, but it's also a joke

Yeah, you're an easy target for me.

It's just like I've just learnt myself. You just don't go then when it comes to religious jokes. I worked here at KIDSFM at the same time that Kyle Sandaland's made a joke about Virgin Mary. There were protests out the front of the station holding signs. Mitch was getting calls to his time slot at night with bomb threats and stuff. So it's just like, even if you think of a real zinger, if you think it's harmless, just don't go there. When it comes to religion, I find.

I also think there's an element of people want to live in a free and open society of tolerance, but only if views that they find distasteful are not tolerated. Personally. To have a tolerant society means that the one thing you can't be tolerant of is intolerance. Wow, it's an interesting time. I mean, we've gone very heavy in I know, I love it.

Yeah, we're all funny people. I swear to God we will get there. But let's talk about Ukraine. Reuben, I've got some thoughts.

I'm the only man less likely to pull out than putin. Let's go.

Can I just say, by the way, I was there at the Sydney Comedy Festival showcase, which you MC that night and some of the jokes you made that night, I was like, that makes the Jesus joke on the project seem very fun. Child play.

Yeah, this is the thing that I'm amazed that of all the horrible, awful, terrible, disgusting things that come out of my mouth and sometimes go into it, this is the thing. This is the thing that got me in trouble. It doesn't even have a swear word in it. It's technically a pun at best, it's a dad joke.

Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, but at worked can you talk me through quickly? How well a PR crisis like that unfolds?

Like?

Do you do you know? Instantly? Do you know?

In an hour?

When does it?

Yeah?

How does do you do?

Do?

The producers go, Ruben, thanks for having you on. We'll get you back on another time. And then does it unfold the following days?

Can you refresh your Instagram and go, oh.

Yeah, I think we came off. Everything was lighted to shake, shook hands all the producers and said that was fantastic, that was brilliant. We loved it. And then as we left, I'm a social media whore, so I'm like looking and looking and it's gaining traction, and it's got like positive positive and and some negative and like that's okay as a visibly queer person, that's what you get comes to the territory is this a person or even as a

Not Yeah down, Paine.

Okay, I'll just go back to bed, And then I woke up again and I was like, oh, so then it sort of became Yeah. Then it was just very interesting in fact, like Baby's first scandal as well. So it became equal part sort of horrifying and fascinating to

Yeah, that's nice.

He gets it as a comic. It's rough.

And also now you're doing an Encore show in Sydney, so I feel like in many ways, sure a fuckload of people were offended, but then now fuck load more people want.

To buy you, you know, light and shade.

Look what people wanted to buy the tickets and we're selling amazingly and I can't wait to get on stage at the More and it's going to be a show of a life.

Oh my god. Well there's two show. There's there's two shows. You're doing live and intimidating. If you're in Canberra, Hobart, the Gold Coast or Brizzy, you can get live and intimidating. Then the Butcher's back the en More Theater first of July. What are the two shows you just do?

Like?

I got I got so much material, Let me do too.

That's exactly it. I'm not only a pariah, I'm a genius.

You must be a genius, because the idea of doing two shows that once stresses me out. I'd be like, which one of my Like halfway through I've been order.

I've been on a national tour doing three different shows.

Oh my god brain.

So I've got a late night I've got a late night show called The k Hole, which is a lie. It's a lineup show, right, So that's my grinder, take it, take it. I am currently under the desk. That's why I had soup for breakfast. It'll be fine. So The Butcher's Back is a huge show. It's a six piece band, full horn section, costume changes, the whole thing. It's a It charts my journey from childhood to the current day and the music in it is just next.

I don't know if you know this mention, but Ruben's got quite some fucking pipes on him.

Oh no, I'm well aware. Yeah, that voice comes right deep from the K Hole. I can only imagine where that voice ruminates.

And so how long have you been doing The Butcher's Back for because I can imagine it'd be quite different to like Opening Night now.

Yeah, The Butcher's Back has existed in one form or the other. It was born out of the first Lockdown in Melbourne. We created it in twenty twenty and we've been touring it all of twenty twenty one. We were jumping between states, going fuck, they're closing the borders. In Perth. Run run, get to the airport, jump on, get on the plane to At one point we were in Darwin to isolate for two weeks so we could get into Perth.

Yeah, that is so much going from Darwin to Perth.

It was. It was like it was really Cowboy for a whole year and I loved it. But the show has sort of been going in one form or another and evolving through since then. But we've never done Sydney and it's my biggest show. So I want to bring the big guns to the big smoke.

I love that so much.

I literally leave.

You've been to my house meet. I'm like a street away from the end Moore Theater and I can see the lights and the bat up from my bedroom window. So I will I will be there. I'll be watching. I can't wait. Mitch, we should go.

You're both You're both gonna be there.

Reuben ka dot com for anyone else he wants to come along.

Yeah, get tickets.

I've got gift bags with Ketamin and it just for you. Two under your seats.

Oh, I can't wait, lovely, I truly pretending to know what that is.

I know what ken mean is, but I'm a kind of gay room and then if I even go near it, I will have a heart attack. It's either naphyl access or I'm not built for the party. Drugs not for me.

But also, as Hannah Gatsby said, there's a certain gay's favorite sound as a teacup hitting a saucer. Where's that pride parade?

Yes, yes, Peters of Kensington in Mascot's where that at the checkout?

And then Live and Intimidating is the show that we're taking we've been taking through this year. It's the news show. It was really forged in the fires of sort of the project. Oh okay, and it's a smaller show. It's me, three musos. It's a total vibe. I welcome everyone as they come in with a hug, and I say welcome home because a lot of people have only just discovered me, and I want them to kind of see all of

I also feel, ironically that you're not that intimidating, because if you're doing crowd work, you're actually you don't punch down, You're quite lovely to the audience, so they don't have any reason to be nervous or intimidated come into the show.

Right, No, absolutely not, And in fact the crowd are really safe in it. But also they're holding me as much as I'm holding them. It's a really lovely, like intimate show. But we called it originally live and intimate. And then I don't know if you know Ali McGregor, Oh yeah, she's a yeah, adam amazing opera sing a cabaret dieber married to Adam Hill's showbiz eye coming. She just texted me and said, shouldn't it be live and intimidating a laugh emoji, and I was like.

Stolen name change, Yeah, locket. That's the push that I get.

No writer's credit, You do not get a percentage.

What do you like after you've finished a show? Because I've found that I'm obviously much newer to stand up than you, But I find that there's one of two Mitchell's that I get after I come off stage. There's one where I'm like I'm going to keep the high going, I'm going out, I'm going drinking, or there's like a little bit of post show depression. Everyone leave me alone. I never know which one it's going to be after a show.

So I often get the second one because I'm giving a lot and I'm very physical. So it the adrenaline drop because you're being pumped with a huge amount of adrenaline and a huge amount of serotonin and you've got three hundred people or at the end more seventeen hundred

Yeah, come down, How.

Do you manage the crash? I'm asking because I want to know, because I have to tell everyone around me. No, No, I'm not sad. It's not like the show went poorly. I'm not bummed. I just fucking feel flat as buck after a show.

Sometimes two things you can either, I think if you can time a drink and being around people at the right time, you can keep the high going right and then like you might have a party or you might just be the transition is smoother. But I tend to just sort of be alone, taken off the makeup after, and that's it's hard to keep the buzz going when you're on your own. So I used to get very depressed. And then my therapist, poor guy. Can you imagine you

He should do it.

Also a vet. Yes, he said. You need to realize the difference between sort of walking into the river with your pocket full of stones and what is a chemical drop? So rate it. Rate where you're at out of ten so you can get a sense of what the perspective is and think yourself, Am I about to drop the toaster in the bath? Or do I just need to

Yes. Yeah, yeah, I feel like as queer entertainer as we all put ourselves so much sure on ourselves, it's like, chill the fuck out. Yeah, we're just making people laugh. We just want to have a bit of anal and we just want to have like seven hours of sleep, right, am I speaking for my relief.

That all at the same time, Yes, yeah.

Sticking in me let me fall asleep, you know.

Oh my God, and other poems by Maya Angelou.

I think.

I think also there's a there's a reputation or there's a cannon of amazing queer performers with really high standards to really change the face of entertainment. So for any queer performer who's trying to break through, they're looking at the grates for inspiration, but also there's a little bit of pressure to follow through. If they hit seventy percent of the way there, ban it down, I'm terrible.

Yeah, so you're one of those people that I look at who I've started doing stand up shows for the last two years. I think, and sometimes I see performance like you where I'm like, fuck, should I be putting more attention into my costumes, me hair, me makeup. I just chucked my hair in a ponytail. I get out there, I'm all sweaty. I'm wearing no shoes half the time because I don't want to overheat on the stage. I run a bit hot, Reuben. You see, I suggestion prosthetics.

Yeah, but the other part of it is you've got to find Everyone has to find the thing that works for them. You know. For me, it's eight pounds of lead based cosmetics, high heels and you know, teeth that were taken from a horse in Turkey. But for you, you, it might be a topknot, you know, bare feet and a trickle of sweat, and that might be exactly what it is you need. I think, trust your body and what you feel makes you feel the best.

Yeah, Okay, that's true advice, because like I look at the outfits and things you wear, and I think, fuck, you're fabulous. But if I put that on, I'd be so uncomfortable. It looks amazing, but I would fucking be We put off the whole ship and perform huge heels.

And shit like ah, I find it really difficult now to sing or be on when I'm not in a heel. Really so used to it now. I'm so used to it now. But also, no doubt you would look gorgeous and all these things, but stay away from my fucking gear.

A lovely note to end on a threat.

I do like that we're saying a more stripped back Ruben today.

Yeah it's nice.

You haven't even seen below the waist yet.

I'd love to have you always been polished in all the things that you do on say, with your costumes and your makeup. Or do you ever look back at old photos and think, fuck me, I've come a long way since then.

I'm gonna email you a picture of the first time, or can I just show it on this show?

Yeah?

I can show you on the screen. You obviously everyone here knows me as the beautiful and the gorgeous Reuben k. But what they don't realize is that the first time I ever put on makeup, I look like that.

Oh that's not makeup, that's face painting.

My god. Yeah that's Buddings on a Saturday afternoon.

And I just want you to know I've like I was serving high glam.

Just for anyone who obviously can't see this, it's a podcast. Just think Edwards is a hands.

Yeah, very Edwards hands.

It screams. Regional tour of cats is what it does.

Oh, you've come a long way.

Wow, we have come a very, very long way. If you want to go and see Reuben reuben ka dot com, the Butcher's back in Sydney at the end, more live and intimidating. I'll go rewatch that project. Laugh. Ruben's so good to have you on. Thank you.

Finally, don't forget Mitchell now.

Question shit, yeah, go.

There's one question that we ask every guest. I'm certainly not going to let you off the hook. I'm probably more intrigued about your awnswer than any other guest. Yes, So every guest we ask them to tell us a little thing in life they appreciate, just like the crunch of an autumn leaf, for a crunch of a good apple,

Resistance? What I think resistance if someone gives you push back on an idea or says, oh, I don't know if we're going to be able to do that, or we can't do that because no one's ever done it before. That's the moment where I know I'm onto something, and that's the moment I know, Okay, I've got to keep pushing on this or there's something here.

So I did. Sorry. I thought we were still in the gay sex realm. I thought you might push back on a cock, and I thought that's a great thing. I know you did it is you feel sorry, I'm sorry, But resistance it's got more of a more of a message.

I love how you've switched from no, I'm a quiet gay, I'm a quiet to stay home's disgusting, and now we find out that you're a funnel cake.

No, but but ketamine and beautiful making love. Making love is very different, Okay.

There's a difference between making love and pushing back on a dick, like.

Where is there's no line, don't choose the golf ho So no, I love that. So obviously that's something that you have faced and still face. Rubin, I guess is resistance. Yeah.

Every time I've gone on TV and they've said you have to submit a script, and I submit a script. There's always someone somewhere going okay, okay, we just want to we want to do this someway. Great, give me the parameters that I can wiggle, give me give me what I can work in and how I can push my message into this within within your parameters or can I expand these parameters.

So it's like the opposite of needing validation. If someone tells you something it's not a good idea, you're like, it must be great, then.

A little bit yes, I just think it's I think validation and support are necessary and fantastic and I need it a lot. I wouldn't be in this career if I didn't. But at the same time, when someone gives if there's a little bit of friction, I know I'm on the right path.

That's an interesting content. The last thing, that's the first time anyone has kind of added a concept to the list. The last thing was Tim Abbott saying, chock coach in shul time, is it better than drugs and dick But some.

Are on you know, a different wavelengths to others and save.

Right now, how about I'll add on to this. How about how about this then when you haven't started your chock top until the movie starts.

Oh that's now, that's good.

I'm winning both on there, at them both.

Yeah, at resistance. No resistance is the best we've had. But that's so true that that requires so much willpower.

Yeah. Wow, but then you've got to do the awkward rustling of the plastic.

It's so awkward.

Joe A lady unwrapped a suite in one of my shows in Melbourne for three solid minutes. And I know because she did it throughout one song. And the song was a three minute song and was the quietest, slowest, most tender ballad is a few years ago, and she spent you just slowly trying to like as if no one would notice.

Yeah, you've got to rip the band aid babes.

If you do it slower, just yeah, or cough cough when you do the first hair. That's what I do.

Yeah, I'd rather think you have emphysema.

Shows all right, Well, if you want to go Rubinka dot com. Great to finally have you on the podcast.

Yeah, finally, it has.

Been an absolute thrill. Thank you for having me.

Pleasure anytime, pleasure, treasure, so much money is it just me?

You can follow the show online just search a couple of miches.

If you don't, you're a tighead.

All right now, I don't quite have a roadmap of how I want to talk about this or really know how to bring it in. And it's not often that I'm lost for words. I'm not lost for words. I'm just emotional. You probably have noticed on this show or even online or socials, I haven't been posting about my relationship much.

I haven't been speaking about it at all. People have said, oh, I haven't heard Hayden's name mention in a while.

Yeah, I've got I've got a few messages and they've been increasing in volume over the last few days and weeks. So I thought i'll talk about it. I will just say that Hayden and I have split up. We're no longer together, we've broken up, we've valet our relationship, and I am got it. I'm really, really sad.

Yeah. I mean there's been ups and downs for you, which you agree, because it's not news to us obviously.

About a month. It's been about four or five weeks. That's why I feel I have to talk about it, because it's my life. At the moment, and it's happened, and it's it's real, and it's it's reality.

So and even though it's been going on in private for a few weeks, Yeah, it doesn't make it any less sad. Now that you're a little bit further along the line, at a point where you're ready to talk about it on the podcast.

Yeah, I wouldn't even say that I'm ready, but I just have to. I mean, it's my life and I'm getting asked questions and it's the reality. And I just think it's so tough when my job is to come out and be funny and be the entertainer, and I do it two daily radio shows. It's fucked And to put on this mask and perform has been one of

I mean, that's what we've got this podcast for. That complex must be very challenging stuff you hate talking about yourself, that we do it for at least an hour a week.

It's a bit like, oh, shut up, who cares? But it's my life and people.

Want to know because we spoke a lot about the relationship when that was your situation that you were in, moving out of your parents' place for the first time, moving in with the partner, etcetera, etcetera. Either all things I've covered, this is just the next thing.

It's just so it's just that's why I think it's so hard, because we were together for five years in October, and I will say it was my choice to end the relationship. Just I'm not going to go into the details.

So I don't need to throw a drink in anyone's face.

Wasn't I don't feel it's necessary.

Okay, you know.

I mean, I'm hurting, but I ultimately made the decision in the end, and it's just it's being in a relationship that you came out for. Like I was talking to you about this, trying to work out how I was going to articulate it, and sorry if I'm a bit scattered and all over the place, but this is just a true, live recounting of where I'm at and I've never been through a breakup before, so there's no I don't have any sort of stick in the sand

You said that it was at the arrogance that you mentioned before.

Correct, there it is. And then I think, well, the person that I was before I was in this relationship was a twenty two year old, closeted kid who lived with his parents.

Yeah. No, you can't go back to that.

It's scary.

That's not how it works in any breakup situation. I think you don't just go back to the person you were before.

I know, but you sort of think, okay, well life was fine without them, But then you go back to where life was without them.

I was a different person, and it's five years. It's going to take a while to find the new normal years. Yeah, oh god. Yeah. I mean, even though it's a sad situation, love Hayden, love you, it's not a good situation for anyone involved. I've already told you this. There's a very big part of me that's quite excited because because you've

I don't want to look at another person for ten years. I mean I will get there, of course I'll get there. Yeah, But at the moment, the light at the end of the tunnel is hazy. It's so much better than it was four or five weeks ago.

Oh, I mean chaotic. A few weeks ago you were crying to me on the phone, and then the week after that you were saying, let's go to Oxford Street. I want to go gay clubbing. I haven't been in five years. And I was like, fucking too easy. I'll make it happen, and we did, and in the following week you were sad again. And then so it's like it'll be like that for a bit. I do imagine ups and down. Some days. You were seeing the pros more than the convent.

Definitely, And it's sort of you need to be out of a relationship and have the benefit of hindsight to really look at the way you want to be treated and the way that you need to be treated in a relationship. And I think that has helped me come to realize that it's the right decision exactly.

I mean five years experience, you'll know going into the next relationship, not that that's going to happen anytime. So another relationship, don't think about that yet. Fucking when it happens, you'll be better equips. I mean, I know what you will put up with and won't put up. Yes, I

Yeah, with experience exactly. But anyone out there, and oh my god, can I just say I have struggled so much to find content on queer breakups and queer relationships. There's nothing. There's nothing out there. It is actually barren. Every podcast you surge and you look for it is if the man cheats his goals to football with his mates and he works it out with his boys and the girls need a spa day and men are horrid wired to their cave men and they have red blood.

Well, it's like I said before, it is the seventh stages. Yes, totally. I can't remember all seven off the top of my hand. Anger with a fun week.

Oh, I feel like I'm in that at the moment.

Well here I am drinks. But that week I was like, oh, fuck man, I'm gonna have to come around there and hold your back.

Ask me next week. I mean, Hayden, spice scale stuff are still at home, So if you want to burn that to the ground, Oh yeah.

Right, you're in the dividing up the assets face my god, gets to the tetails. I gave you to that housem.

Bear fucking mind there, disgusting, you can take them. It's really hard, guys, actually really, and I'm making fun of it, but it's just these things are happening, and I have really high highs, really low lows. I know I've made the right decision and onwards and upwards. But I will say, if you want to send me a nice message.

I love it.

I love them so please because the night it's so cold and they are only Yeah.

I know it's easier for me to see the positives of you now being single, but hear me out, you fucking dove in the deep end. As soon as you came out of the closet, you were already in a relationship. When you came out to your parents, you were like, dude, yeah, I've got two things to tell you. I'm gay and I have a boyfriend. Like, you've skipped several milestones, and so now it's a great time to catch up on the milestones. Living by yourself for the first time, being single,

Yeah, I'm not excited about it at the moment.

Eventually, eventually you'll look back and be like, Okay, yeah, yeah.

Right now, I'm living in our giant three bedroom home and Hayden's living with his mum, and I'm trying to find a fucking property after you know the head fuck that I've just gone through to find a property mm hmm, understair storage, all that fucking shit, and now I've got to turn around and do it all fucking again. I'll doing two shows at the radio shows, this fucking podcast.

It's like, say, put in the current place for a bit. That's a late problem. The house hunting. I don't one thing at a time.

But if I'm a bit flat or sad in the next few weeks, I'm pushing through. And I love doing this show. And You've been a great friend to me over this time, so thank you for that. Of course, off the cloud, you have been great and I've got a great support Nework and I'm fine, but I'm sad and I'm flat, So I want to talk about it because I want to be able to lean into that. It's real human emotions. We've done this show for so

Yeah, I mean there's no rule that says we have to be funny every week. No, I mean you said last week, I'm sorry that I've been flat recently, and I did say, and I did mean it hasn't come across. Yeah, I know. So now I guess you'll just have the fucking break up card up your sleeve next time. Jenna and I are being a little bit too mean. We're teasing you too much. You're like, oh, I'm going to break up.

I haven't pulled it, but I'm going to pull that.

You can now it's out there. God, I hope there's no horny idiots listening that are going to start sliding into a dam.

Yeah, I mean, if there's in any I mean, you know they've wanted to ravish you for years now. The turns of tables have turned.

I haven't actually gotten a lot of that. I did fuck one listener. They didn't tell me they were listener until after. Am I going to fuck a listener? I don't know.

I should keep it to you. Hey, if you want to be my first fuck Hey, Siri download grinder.

Oh god, I don't think if you're anything like me, which I feel that you are, you won't enjoy Grinder.

Series getting It No delete Siri, I don't want that.

I don't think you'd enjoy Grinder. I could be wrong, but I just feel like, if I know you as well as I think I do, you probably wouldn't enjoy Grinder. Get amongst hinge, Baby, I've been doing ads to it on this very show.

I'm not going on the ass. Also, I know Hayden if you're listening to this, because I know he will listen. Oh for once, he never listens stop it. Yes, he didn't listen to the podcast, and who wouldn't, Oh, direcon he we'll be listening this week. Maybe I don't know, but i'd listen to Drinking your Faith. I did a load of washing and there were skid marks and all your undies. I had to use extra bleach, so you transferred me for half of the bleach.

By the way, that might explain to our listeners why you're all of a sudden doing your own laundry. What was my excuse? What was the word I used? I can't remember.

I said for circumstances outside my control.

Yeah, we just started talking about the fact that you're now having to do your own laundry. And Jenny and I are looking at your other're like, oh fuck, we can't accidentally slip up and say because you think it's been so hard to hide.

But you know, I tried to work on it and I said, let's put the work in, and then things happened, and yeah, it's just we're here and we're not together anymore. And I love the five years we spent together. And that's true, I did.

I don't remember.

I don't regret a year. It was the most incredible five years. I'm going to get sad now, most incredible five years I've had.

So listen that five years were all so incredible for me, and I wasn't in a relationship. So everyone does everything in different orders, you know, Like we were just saying before, my sisters thirty has three kids, Jenner's thirty has no kids. Everyone moves at their own pace, and so this is just where you're at now, I know, just such a fucking sap.

I hate Do you want to cry?

Oh sweetie, give us a cattle. Oh you don't have to have what's wrong?

Oh tissues things? I'm all good. I just thought Reuben Ka was a cunt. That's why I'm crying.

By the way, has anyone ever told you that you don't have an ugly crying face at all? Really, you were just crying in front of me. You wiped the tissue over your eye gone. Really, if I've been crying, I look disgusting for hours a compliment.

I'll take that in my stripe.

I was just looking at you, going what he was just crying? How did he look normal again?

Oh?

Completely back to normal? Sweet?

I think that's the benefits of having a chubby face.

No, it's all in their eyes. If I've been crying, it looks like I'm stone for the next few hours. I can't go anywhere after crying. Everyone knows.

So do I look good now? You?

Literally, I'm not getting you. Wipe the tissue and then back to normal.

You know what my tactic is. I don't know where I learned this from, but I dab. I don't wipe because wiping sort of makes it all red. I don't fucking know, but.

I'll say my eyes go red like the lids go everything. You can tell when I've been crying.

Oh, it's lovely, nice crying face. I wonder if I've got a good cumface too. I'll feel that and send it to.

You so you can compare your single on our mate. I'll come and find out myself.

All right, shall we end here and we can? We can? We can come back in a week.

Do you even have a segments? No, we can get out of here.

No?

Okay, that's what I mean. Let's go and then and we can check back in this week. Give me, give me seven days and I'll be all right.

And he's very needy, He's made no secret of that. Send the lovely messages.

I am a libra. Words of affirmation and acts of service in my love language. So if anyone wants to cook me a roast dinner and send me a lovely message, I'll take it.

Never been through this, you know, I did think of that. I was like, maybe I should cook him something. Then I was like, God, you get home so late at night. I'd have to be sitting there on your door set with the fucking up and try to get home like nine thirty. These days, I can manage that.

I can do that. My mum is my my, oh my god. I will just shout out I've had I've got a brilliant support network, my family who were also heartbroken, because you know, he was like a son to my parents. I'm gonna cry again.

That's okay, you can't why I don't want it though?

And oh my god, I just pulled a tissue out of my my.

Wrist, like I'm fuck, you are getting on look at me.

I've got a tissue in my wrist in my sleep. My family's been amazing. My mum has been dropping me meals every week and I've been seeing them and that's just he's been great.

And yeah, yeah, yeah, it's all good. It's all good. I'll be right, you know, like you said, you've got a great support network around you. So even though it's still shit, imagine going through something like that alone.

Ye, And I am brandishing it from here on out, ladies.

In generalising.

The divorce, he's not a breakup, it's a divorce.

I mean legally give a de facto it's for years.

So technically the volume of shit that we have to deal with and the move out and the owning of assets, and it feels like a fucking divorce.

Where are you at today? Like what do you have to do with today?

We're currently dividing our assets, which we kind of done. We have an Excel spreadsheet so horny and.

God, I didn't feel like there was so much admint involved in the breakup.

That Excel leafy green color. It gets me, gets me fucking hard, and then we have to I'm trying to find a place to live alone. Anyway, leave it with me. I've already you know. I don't like being earnest, and this was a lot so who's earnest.

We couldn't have you couldn't have talked about this in some joking way. Is it just me? Or are you single?

Now?

And I go just you?

And I'd imagine if we did, imagine if is it just you? Was just me asking for breakup advice with a different voice on okay boys, like a Dot Wigan situation, I had to come in and out, Oh, I haven't told Dot yet. Maybe we tell Dot next week. We did get a post in and you're an idiot saying I missed Dot bring her back?

Did you?

Yeah?

We did. I didn't see that.

So maybe Dot we can break the news. Maybe that'll kill Dot.

If Hayden gets any fucking ideas about claiming that Dot Wiggans portrait I got for your birthday, he can forget it.

In your you know where that is proudly hung. That's in my guest bathroom. So when anyone does a shit or a piss in my guest house, but in the guest bathroom, they have to look at dot Wigans square in the eye. It's so off putting.

I have to say at you looking like missus doubt fly.

Sometimes I get constipated in the morning just looking at the fucking painting. All right, let's go. We'll see you in a week. Thank you, mitche You've been a great friend.

Brick yep, and I will continue to be thank you. Yeah, it stops now now it's out there.

Five stars. Please, we love you and we'll see when a week. Guys. Thanks to ruben k what a legend. Get tickets ruben k dot com.

Catch you scene Idiot's Love Your Bye?

Is it just me?

A podcast by a couple of miches.

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Welcome to add brief. This is our secret segment on the end. That's this podcast made you feel three percent better today?

You know what? Yes, I'm good that I've got it off my chest and I've spoken about it. I need to heal and go forward.

Pretty rotten, I know, but I just can't help but be a little bit of.

Tell me excited. But also I don't all my insecurities come back being a bigger boy, not being wanted in the community, and I've not been active in the community as a single person. I just feel so anxious for eighteen again.

What it's being a bigger boy have to do with it? Oh?

Who wants to write a fucking bigger boy? Who wants to go on the ride of the fucking Shrek? I get worried about that. That's my insecurity is coming out.

Okay, Well, to those insecurities, I would say Shrek has been written for five years consecutively. That's not nothing. And also I would say, think about all the chubby gays listening right now. I talk about yourself like that, talk about yourself like you're talking to them. Would you ever say something like that to me, for example.

No, I would never. There you go, And I'm not saying that to the chubby gays listening. It's myself.

Yeah.

But also I'm in that self loathing pity stage.

Yeah. Well, I mean I also have frequented the chubby section on porn hub. So there's people out there that want to ride chubby people? Is there a section? Yeah, I need to frequent Have you not ever looked at that section? No, you're not even supporting your own kind. I'm not. People like me are lifting you up well as hard as a maybe more than you are a struggle.

Well, I haven't had to. I've been I've been fine. No, I don't really mean that.

I'm just in my fielding No, no, no, no, it's your insecurity. But that's all it is, because it's completely not true. How would you know what people's tastes are because you haven't been out and about. That's why I'm excited. That's why I'm excited.

Well, that's the thing I've had, fucking I've had dms that I've had to show off over the years and go, i'man a loving, happy relationship.

But that's what I'm telling you, Like, you've gotten more listeners of ours slid into your dms despite the fact they know you're not single, and I ever have, even when I was fucking single. So I don't know what you're worried about.

Really, Yeah, Oh, it's just all the emotions and if you've gone through a breakup and you're listening to this. If you've done it recently, I fucking empathize with you. It's tough. It's so hard. It's a bizarre feeling of emotions because happy one second, jealous, angry, paranoid, worried, sad, it's just elated. It's bizarre how your body can go through all these different stages in a week.

Oh. I can imagine, like you think about all the happy times, wouldn't you.

Oh my god, and you're like, yes.

I was happy then, but I'm not happy enough now to stay Yeah, exactly, And you don't have to forget the happy times.

The brain eliminates the issues at the end and things that happened that caused it. Right.

Yeah. There have been people that I've dated for a couple of months, so it's not quite the same. But I've broken up with and I've been devastated and then gone through those motions of like, oh, I'm never going to date anyone ever again. Hit they were my person, And then we've rekindled and I've gotten back together with them, and I've gone, oh, no, that's right, you're a fuckhead. Yeah, like you do only remember the good times.

Oh, and that's all my brain does. My brain just wants to remember how amazing certain aspects of the relationship were. And I'm looking at photos and scrolling through Instagram, and I mean we had a public we had a very public relationship.

Yeah, I mean we.

Were fucking understair stories. Those videos went crazy. People loved it. We posted together, we went on Troy, did travel trips together, and we made content. So you go, once that's all gone, it's such a like I said, it feels like a death because you've just lost that aspect of not only you, but your whole life. And it feels like an idea, part of your identity has been yoinked out.

And it's also probably not what you would imagined your future to be anymore. The future is a bit more of a mystery, which again I find exciting. I know you don't yet.

I literally had like proposal plans, I knew what I wanted to do, and then shit came up.

Now isn't that fucked? It is fucked. I'm actually quite curious to hear about other people's experiences because I wish I had more of my own to draw on. Yeah, because like a five year relationship breaking up, it's a bit different to the douchebag I dated for two months in Uni.

It is it is doesn't negate from that breakup. It's just a different it's a different set of emotions. But also it wasn't like five years us together. It was five years fully integrated into each other's lives. I mean, I miss his mum, I see you, and I'm gonna get so upset because I seriously miss her.

I miss his family. Yeah, they're all so great and amazing.

And then my family, A gut it, Like my family are so hurt and sad, Like that's so sad.

Oh, because they're the sort of family that welcome anyone.

With open arms, anyone, absolutely, and the first people that I went to and they've been great. But like, we just came back from a trip to Hawaii together or seven of us and my sister's partner and Hayden and then my little sister, Rache's single. But we're all there together and it was so great.

You know, well, now your big sister gets to be in the minority. There was a period there where over Christmas, my sister was the only one with the plus one. Yeah, and so me and my brother we're with the majority and then my brother bought a plus one and I was like, ah, fuck, now I'm the minority, the only single one. Yeah, and then Sean cablong.

But that's why it's weird. You got to family events and you're the single one. Now everyone else is coupled.

It's just actually it's not not enjoyable being the single one though.

But I think I love being in a relationship.

I love yeah, you know, I mean, so do I. But I also loved not being in one. Yeah, and I'm not there yet.

I just love having someone coming home to someone, laughing with someone connecting. Also, I think because my job is so forward facing, and you'd know this, it's like you've got to put so much of your own personal life on a platter and like out to the world, and then you have that one person who doesn't really matter too and you can just be a pure, one hundred percent version of yourself. You can be off, you can

But you can be often flat in front of the close circles. Of course, that's another thing I'm excited about, you finally fucking rocking up to invitations.

Oh my god, and you hand on your heart. How social have I been in these last four weeks. I've been great.

It's been very unfortunate that I've had so many fucking weekends away because I'm like, oh my god, Cheery's finally available. When I went clubbing, I went to the market, did go clubbing. That was good.

I'm going to an event this Saturday night. I'm going to an event this Sunday morning. I'm just seeing so many friends, and I'll be honest, the way I work, and I'm just being I'm just saying everything. I probably should keep some things, you know, deprivate, but who the fuck cares? Like I in this relationship have realized I've isolated so many of my friendships because I threw myself into a relationship.

Which I kind of hope that the next relationship, whenever that fucking may be long time, yeah, long time, but whenever that may be, I'm hoping that that's something that you learn from because it was nice that you were

Oh, we definitely did. I don't think my schedule lends itself to that anyway, but I agree, and I'm aware of it, and I'm ready. I'm excited to be more social.

And you know, because obviously sometimes if we invited you to things, you would say no because you're like, I'd just rather say at home with the partner, which I totally understand. I get that. There's days where I feel that way too. Yeah, but now you'll be like, actually, I live alone, haven't had a conversation with someone in a while. I'm fucking coming out seriously, So it's going to be great.

That's what has happened. So I'm good in that regard. And you know what, overall, I am good.

I really am good.

I am I am ready going through the motion. I'm going through the motions, but all in all, I'm really good.

I can't believe Jenna wasn't here today. I know you needed her.

She would have. She's such a sympathetic listener.

Can you imagine it's that whole segment we just did announcing your breakup in the background the whole time, going, oh, I thought it would have been what about when you first told her that you were single?

Now?

And I was in the room, we were here, and she goes, no, no, you're recording arter your gas flighting. Maybe it's a gas flighting Jenna, And we're like, actually, no, that's a great idea. We should have done that.

I felt so bad because she thought it was a braink I know. Yeah, So that's enough about me. I actually am fine. Also, you've caught me. I'm annoyed because we needed to talk about it. I wanted to talk about it. Yeah, and you've caught me in a sad day. So if you had done this yesterday, oh bye, I would have been I would have said very different things.

What would you have said yesterday?

I don't want to say it, but I don't know. I just I don't want to. I haven't gone into any details of what caused the issues and what caused the break because I don't want to. I have too much respect for Hayden after what we've been through, and I still have so much love for him, so much, so much. That's why this is so hard. And also that's not how I roll that's it's.

Not my vibe. So no, I'm not going to go into those details.

But anyway, here we are and we move on.

Yeah, I can go.

Will be fun. What's that for?

Just the long weekend? I haven't been home in quite a while, so.

That'll be nice.

Yeah, it will be Oh my god, what about you weird? Moving on?

When I was at your live shows, yeah, your whole family came and your mom, Oh my god, your mom asked where we're where's Hayden?

Yeah? And then and she was a few drinks in. I need you to know she was a few drinks in.

I'm sober at the moment, stone cold, and and and also we idiots there listening, and I didn't want to say. I'm like, oh, Jane, come here, give me a hug. And I just sort of told her exactly.

What my mother was like, where it's Hayne and why didn't he come me? You're like we woke up and my mom was like, no one breaks up with my Mitch and gets away with it. And I was like, aren't I You're Mitch, Like all of a sudden, you're Mitch kidding And she wouldn't let it go.

Everyone was celebrating you, getting photos, signing posts, and she's in the corner, going, we'll get through this. What do you want me to do? It's so funny, it's just so good. So yeah, yeah, tell her that I'm doing great. Okay, I'm fine.

You're welcome to come to burg and Gate if you're like, oh.

Dear, no, I'm too social. I've organized faking a social event every day, every night, every morning.

Jesus Christ, going to be you, saying yes to everything, and I still can't get a new calendar.

One of my friends invited me to a cook fucking islands in three weeks, and I said, yes, Oh that's nice.

I'm like, I don't have to ask anyone. I live alone. Sure, how good?

Yeah, so I'm still getting used to it. But it's a new era. Oh my god, my new air.

What do you think of living alone?

I love it because you know me, I love.

I love it and hate it at the same time.

Yes, yeah, I love nice things like I love fancy furniture, and I love like and like I love I want to get a great coffee machine. I want to get a beautiful rug, and I want to get a lovely lude and a nice TV and hanging on the wall of my space. He got the lamd, I get the TV. Okay, he gets the blender. I get the toasting machine. Brevel of course, good brown.

God, it's so complex, I'm washing. Did you literally go half in most ship?

Yeah?

Value, Oh my god.

Yeah, it was like a sadistic version of the prices.

Right.

But also I bought him tickets to Madonna for his birthday, and I was going to do the whole trip.

Oh my god.

And I've still got the l a. Yeah, we're going to go.

To La in January. We got a trip plan. Well, if it's all too much trouble, there's the ticket going begging, I will selflessly offer to come.

Now. I'm making him buy it back inflation and your ticket as well. No, no, no, it was a gift, and I'm not a cunt. Oh, you're just giving it to I'm giving him the ticket I gave him for his birthday. But I've got a ticket, so give me the fucking toaster.

I thought you meant buy your ticket off you so we can go with someone else.

Yes, he can do that, he will, and he can, or we're dividing assets, so I just get a couple of extra things in the house. That's to the value of the ticket, That's what I mean, it's like the price.

That's a good gamble.

So we just bought a brand new Samsung TV because you know, I was talking to you about buying your TV and we bought like a four grand TV. It's amazing. And then I'm like, well, you can have the Madonna ticket and I want the TV, and he kind of can't.

Isn't it fucking so unfair that now you're not going to have to be designated driver for anyone, and yet you don't drink, I know, so you're not going to get the joy of going out and getting literally shit faced and catching anoo behind.

Ah.

So can I just say I love that you say we were codependent. I mean I was very dependent. I wasn't leaning on anybody.

You were very dependent?

No, I wasn't. Oh I was dependent on yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah yeah. Shared. His bills are going to go up now.

Weren't they ever when we broke up, Like when we were sitting there having the conversation at the dining room table, there's no word of a lie. We're sitting there, we're both sobbing crying, and I'm going, like, we're done.

I'm done.

I'm going and he's crying. I'm crying. We're looking at each other. And then my neighbor, who I've spoken about on the podcast.

He's the one that's learning clarinet.

Clarinet, fuck that afternoon. She just decided now's the perfect time to practice the theme of the Simpsons. So I'm going, you know, I just can't. It's just not what I want.

Oh God, yeah, ha ha ha ha ha. It's not even a clarinet song. Terrible, li Lisa plays a fucking saxophone.

Then a week later, because you're right, it's a fucking heterosexual divorce, That's what it feels like. We're sitting there dividing up our assets and he's going, well, I want the smeg kettle and toaster, and I'll go, well, please, can I keep the brevel toasty machine? Like it's terrible, And we're sitting there dividing everything up, and then we hear and I'm crying, still such an emotional little wimp.

I just cried every It wasn't the clarinet, bitch knocking on the door.

Hollo boys, John and Samuel from the red Cross, Can we have a moment of your time to talk about child sex trafficking? And they had little buckets, white buckets and red hats on.

Oh they were fund raids and Hayden and.

I go, oh, mate, sorry, like now, now's not the time, and he goes, well, I will challenge you to that when is a good time to talk about child sex trafficking. He's got me there. That is a real that's a very good point.

We're not negating the importance of the issue. Just get the fuck off my property.

And what I said, I go, not, Matt, I'm telling you big live chats happen. Could you come back you and we'll give you ten minutes.

We'll come back.

Boys.

I'm like, get the fuck out of my property.

I went full Republican. I went look for the shotgun to shoot him.

I know if people, you know, people often go back and listen to our old episodes. It's gonna be weird listening back to old episodes. I remember he was a fucking guest show.

Yeah, and I don't regret it, no, of course.

No, it's it's going to be funny for the listener. It's been like, oh, I know, what's coming.

Yes, that's very true. But it's the same way when you watch Friends and you know that you know Rachel and Ross end up together or they break up, and it's just going to be like that. It's a whole new chapter to the show. And I do not regret it. He's funny and I love I still love him, but I'm.

Not saying it with a mistake. Oh of course, it's got to be funny.

It will be funny. It will be funny, and it will be odd. And who knows as well? Like fuck, the world works in very wiz weird ways. Who knows where we'll be in five years? What the go is?

Who knows? I mean, look at the last five years. Is fucking done totally Again, the Mitch switch has been very confronting, hasn't it ever. I liked being the token single on the show.

Well, it's how we've done. We couldn't both be in relationships. The universe went, Now, this will be terrible for ratings.

There was there was actually a part of me that when I got with Sean thought, fuck, is this podcast going to become boring? Because we're both just like, oh, look, how we're all settled down and happy in relationships, so it's a blessing in a way. Yeah, good content.

Is this break up a tax?

Right off?

Let me get a fucking accountant online?

Hey?

Can I claim the heartbreak? Yeah? No worries, We'll put it through his ten grand Yeah anyway, all right, well let's leave it on that note.

Well, we hope this podcast made you feel at least three percent better today? That's all?

Can we bumpered to four today? We all need it?

Whatever you like? Thank you do for we hope this podcast made you feel at least four percent better today. That's all. Just four percent, so we do.

So we do. Yeah, back next week, guys, Yeah, onwards and upwards.

We'll see which Mitch we get next week. That's right. Well, it's been quite fun for me.

Keep in mind the last four weeks. I think I've been good, so you have turned it on, But I just have had this motion today and I've had this looming over my head and it's done. I'm not gonna be.

Like this every week, but it's just been funny for me. I'm like, I wonder which Mitch I'm gonna get today, The cranky Mitch, the vengeful Mitch, the miserable Mitch.

What was I today?

Melancholy Mitch, Well, you want that melancholy before we recorded, but definitely after this, but that's to be expected. Yeah.

All right, let's go see you in a week.

Guys. Yeah, we'll catch you then. Bye, bab Is it just me?

I'm podcast by a couple of mitches.

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