#125: We Sound COOKED

All right, were ready? Yeah, you guys, go hurry Apple do some weird shit? Would you like to try vape?

Why would you take up something that is going to be addictive and expensive?

I think the people.

I'll tell you what.

Yeah, because you're young and stupid.

Some things make more sense than others.

You mentioned that your goal was to be healthy, and I just don't know. How can you figure that's going to happen when you're ordering a chocolate moose?

No?

You know, I had it in the car on the way home and I didn't have a spood, so I was like an hour a dillo trying to get ants out.

Of a hole.

I bless yourself for the rude shocks of young adults food bean fingered as an awful sensation.

You haven't been thinking about the right person.

Goodness. May just still to play a couple of mitches.

Hi, it's Jenna.

Please don't forget to include my name in the opener this season.

Sorry now he is Michui and Mitchell Ko. Hello, Mitchell Kok.

Welcome back, Chuck, and how you're feeling.

It's good to be back Pheling twenty three. I'm aging twenty three. Yes, it's good to be twenty three.

Don't bloody laugh.

Last time I was here, I was young and twenty two. But I'm here and I'm twenty three now.

Listen. I did tell everyone last week that you were on a psychiatric recess, not which is my code for stressles. Where were you? Actually?

I was actually quite ill. I was a bedridden bed rest. I was having a bit of a head like a heady wick.

I've got a brain condition, as I've spoken about on Cowie malformation correct.

And you're the only friend that remembers it. Yeah, truly. Even Hayden's like, oh, you're a Canari chicken katsu, thanks for trying. Even my GP's like, what do you have again? I'm like, fuck you all.

The problem is that I know what it's called, but I don't know how to explain it. I ask something about the brain stabbing the spinal cord.

Yeah, close, Yeah, the brain is literally putting one up my spinal cord. My brain is falling out of the back of my skull and blocking the spinal cord, and that's where the central nervous system is, so puts pressure on the whole body. So I get number and my speech like falters, and my memory obviously, as we know, it's terrible get I get sweaty when i'm cold, and cold when I'm hot, my penis gets massive. And the doctor said, they can't get you bigger, and I went,

I was a bit worried because I know you have bad brain days as you call them, and I know how to deal with those, but you've never had a bad brain week. And I was like, shit, this has badd He canceled his birthday party the day. Oh I know, like this must be legit.

Oh that was a mess because it was a Facebook event and I canceled it. And it was like, do you want to send out a message to all the participants? And I'm like that'd be fantastic because at least that way, like you know, everyone knows, and I don't want to have someone turning up at midnight. Anyway, I didn't realize it would send individual messages.

We all got a DM saying, oh, I know, dear stuff, price keeper Jenner's here. Did you get that message?

I didn't.

Actually, you probably didn't know. It's a VP as usual?

Did you not get one? No?

Really? Well, she wasn't coming in, so that wouldn't have been a problem.

I had my suit already.

I know the theme was suits not the Gold Awful Megan Markle Show.

Yeah, like, I love wearing a suit, so you had.

To enjoy a Blaze aeros.

It wasn't relief. You didn't have to dress up.

I had my suit pressed and ready. It was very sad that I had to cancel.

Do you know how I knew that this bad brain week? Was like, oh shit, it must be bad. Yeah, because I remember on the Sunday I told you spoiler alert, I was going to give it to you at the party, but it was canceled. Spoiler alert. I got you a one hundred dollars massage voucher. Yeah, and you were like, oh, that's so sweet. Fast forward to Wednesday and I was like, Hi, just checking in. How are you feeling. Are you better? And you said yeah, but I'm going to get a

I did cancel by massage.

He was so confused. He was like, no, no, you don't have to buy me one. I was like, I have, and you know I got.

It was so stressful.

I was all over this.

I was an emergency on my birthday and it was like such a mess. And I told the nurse, I'm like, you know, it's my birthday.

I was like, Oh, it's so many people's death day too. What actually occurred? Because on Instagram you were at the family dinner as per Bloody utual. When did it gone?

I was feeling awful the day before, the whole week before because I had a week of leave, right, which is weird because normally I'm relaxed.

Was the opposite.

I don't think that.

Would ameliorate all your issues?

Oh wow, done nice? Wasn't that the bitch that crashed a plane? Amelia ahart ameliorate is It's like men, Oh that's what all the gays say. When Amelia like had a really good outfit. Oh, Amelia eight. Did you see Amelia?

She fucking ate and so you leave made you feel worse?

Yeah, it made me feel terrible. And then the day of my birthday, I woke up and I'm like, oh, yeah, this is bad, dizzy. I couldn't feel the left side of my body, my eyesight was in and out, I couldn't form words, my mind was racing insane. I've never had all those symptoms at once before.

So I'm definitely feeling better. Yes, definitely take it easy.

Thank you.

Jenna.

Wait, oh god, but look, I thought about me because I'm over it. I actually want to discuss something with Jenna. Yeah, I'm disgusted by you. Why more than usual? Why how dare you feel in for me? This is a big role to feel, quite literally and figuratively. And the fact that you booked yourself a p dietary appointment on the day that you record our podcast and waltz out of here as if this is nothing.

Yeah, I dragged Sam and Jenna into the studio to fill the void of Mitchell Cherry because it does take two, yes, and then they just fucked off because appointments.

Yes, I know, but I couldn't cancel it. Because it had been longer than forty eight hours and I didn't want to pay.

Have you heard? Have you heard what happened?

No?

I didn't.

I haven't brought myself to listen to the episode. No.

Oh, thanks for the support, Broddie. That's all right, but no. People in her Facebook group were saying they felt sorry for me.

Oh, because this is how the episode ended, right, a bit somber.

Here we go. Have you missed it?

Anyway? I have to go, so goodbye?

Well that was so aggressive. Goodbye. Where are you off to?

I'm getting my eye broils done?

Oh? Yes, okay, I guess that's important.

Yes it is, it's very important.

That's good.

Fair enough, Thank you so much everybody. Thanks for having me.

No, thanks for doing Yeah. Bye bye, Jenna, ah bye bye.

Anyway.

So I'm getting my hair done today.

Are you getting a perm do? Yeah?

My appointment is in twenty minutes.

Are you ditching me too?

Yeah?

Well I don't want to, but we've kind of been saying.

You've just been sitting here having a yarn.

All right, Well, tootles.

Feel bad.

I'm just gonna living.

It's fine, babe. Oh, I can't believe this. Mitch, Ha's left me, Jenne's left me. Now Sam, for the first time in history, it is just me. We hope this podcast made you feel at least three percent better today. I suppose hate to cut it short, but yeah, I don't know how I'm going to have a conversation with myself. Wow, that was beautiful. It got worse. I started singing. I was like, oh, bamasy Gods.

To be honest, that was dreadful and depressing. And the fact that you did that to your Mitchell.

Coop excuse me, I left Sam with him. I'm gonna blame SA.

We have advertisers and I've spoken to Aqueduct and they've left the Showduct left. No, I loved you.

I mean damage control with PALMELI.

Oh, don't even get me started on Unilever, and they owned so many brands.

It's a mess. And God, I've just got the sorest shoulders from carrying the weight of this podcast. It's fine. I was important.

Put a leg up. I'm back. I'm returning. My brain is fine, well as fine as it can be, to be perfectly honest, I'm getting an EG next week. They're putting probes on my head, so we'll fully know we should do that live on the show, like.

Doctor in the world. First, it's empty, there is no brain.

Imagine that that was the problem all along. There's definitely something in there. All right, Welcome to the show. If it's your first time we listening, it's is it just me? We start the show the same every week to Jim, something we've noticed, something we hate or appreciate. Mine this week is something that I've definitely noticed and I hate it, and there's no appreciation whatsoever. Okay, And I think I can find a common common ally in New Mitchell Coombs this week.

I hope so too. We might agree on this. I feel like because we missed an e gym from you last week, people are craving it. So let's dive into yours first. I was gonna say, what do you want me to do?

Too? I thought that's what you were you were getting at.

If you want anything else? Is it just me?

Or is general bitch?

Not just you? Not just you? It's everybody? All right? Should I jump in? Yep? Go for it, darling? Is it just me?

Is there nothing worse on this earth than house hunting?

Ah?

Suck my ass?

Oh, it's torture.

Isn't it. It's so you think it'd be fun. It's one of those things that you go, this is cool weekend activities, DeMay, real estate dot com dot au. It is, it's hell fire.

It's fun at first when you're just happy browsing. Yes, Well, when you're actually eager to move and you're going to inspections and all of them, it just becomes frustrating. You don't know how long I've been house hunting.

Because I'm new to the house hunting scene, I have to move? How long?

Long?

Strap yourself in for a rye because I've been house hunting since May? What? Fuck? Yeah?

Long.

It's started with looking for places with Jordan, but then there's just nothing that suits us both that isn't four thousand dollars a day, and so now we're looking separately, and that's proving equally difficult. It's so hard.

I can't imagine. I couldn't afford to. I mean I could, but it would be a terrible It'd be a shack. I wouldn't be able to live in a nice house if I didn't have Hayden to pay half the rent.

Yeah, I know it's more expensive on my own, but it's fine and.

So ours, but I means same same. It's so hard because I'm demaining there's not a mansion drop down. It's just house, apartment, and then townhouse, and I go, where's palatial mansion?

I will say this, I do prefer really dot com dot you over domain because on real estate there's a little settings button and you can say hide this house from all search results, because you know how I keeps serving you the same pig size and you're like, I've seen it, I hate it. Stop showing that.

Oh I'm a domain boy. I like domain. I don't know. I think that's where I first started on. So now I'm used to the layout of the app in the the UI whatever, But fucking hell, where do we start? The photos like they're all they must get mice to take photos of these places because they get so deep in the corner of a room that it makes it look cute.

So they get fish to take photos of fish islands.

Yeah, they go, oh, do you have a cockroach that works in the industry? And they give them a little tripod camera and you walk in and you go, this is has the house shrunk?

Has been put the dryer?

Some photos it's it's a random cat just walking past, and it's a photo of a cat, yes, and then like of a plant.

Oh, don't get me start on a Bresk Whitney, which is a Sydney thing. It's like a fancy You've got the ray Whites and then you've got the you know, the Century forty one or whatever.

Fuck you've got a model.

Yeah. Bresink Whitney is like an independent, fancy pants real estate age. I heard of it. Oh my god, there was one. I had to call my brain doctor and go, I think I'm going psychotic. I thought there was a polter geist in one of the images, but it was a woman that they've taken a photo off with a slow shutter speech, so she was half movie.

Oh yeah, when they make it look like they're on the run in.

The on suite, where does she have diarrhea? I need to know the backstory.

It's just becoming so frustrating for me though, because I'll find a place that looks perfect, yes, and then I'll go there and it stinks.

Oh.

Or like there was this one that I went to and you could tell the real estate agent was so pissed off, because have you ever been to an inspection where they're still living there, like it's not empty and telling.

Our house at the moment they're selling it. Yes.

So I went to this inspection and the place looked perfect, two bedrooms so I could have a separate office space, air con, bath, ticked every box yes when in there, and you could tell that the real estate agent was so apologetic. We got to the door, he just had this look in his eyes that was like, I'm so sorry for what's about to happen.

Oh no, And he goes.

Kira, I'm bringing another group through and she's like, yeah, that's fine. We walk in. Oh my god, she's in the house. Kira is an absolute toade of a woman with a cat that we couldn't see anywhere, but god, we could smell it, smell it, and there was just little bloody whiskers biscuits scattered all throughout the house, no actual spot for the cat to eat. It just ate everywhere, trash everywhere, And I'm like, I want to go into the bedroom and check out the en suite, but it

I can't get over the lack of windows. There must have been a period of time when houses weren't. I can understand why Jeffrey Dama did what he did now because every fucking house build in the eighties looks like his room and there's one tiny slit of a window and it's frosted.

Yes. What There's these places that I go to and I'm like, oh, it looked perfect on the website, but it's so dark in here, and if I'm moving here, I'm basically saying, actually, no, I want to stay depressed. Yes, I just want to remain depressed that perfectly.

Oh what about the mold the male You walk in and you can feel it and you feel damp. You know when you get out of a shower in summer and you're never quite dry. You walk into one of these rooms, you go, oh, I can feel the black mold.

I've lived in a mouldi house before, and some of my jackets will never smell the same.

Yeah, yeah, in their skin. That's my tactic though. When Hayden and they go to a house that we really like and we want it and there's a lot of people there. Nothing worse than a big group at open house. I go, oh, baby, you see the mole, like really loudly in front of them. Oh, the stairwell's nice, but the mold underneath it, a mold in the kitchen, just to throw them all off.

Well, why because you don't want it either, To let them have the mold and one that I want? Oh yeah, really good ones should smell that.

Yeah yeah, yeack, oh got someone died here.

I just google it. Well, I haven't even found one that I want, so I can't even play those tricks yet.

Oh wait till you get to that point, because that is the most frustrating. You finally get one that you want and then you apply and either they ghost you or they go no, sorry, we had a higher offer. It's so competitive that people are paying above the asking price. Sydney rental market, yeahs a nightmare.

I need to say it. And I'm not making a blanket statement for everyone in this profession, but in my experience, just in the last few months, real estate agents are fucking assholes. Yeah, they're so rude and unpersonable. I'm like, do you want me to move here or not? Let's just make both of our lives easier. There'd be a dog about it. Yeah, anyone can wear a shit suit that doesn't fit from Tara Cash. They're always in a terrible jacket, always sassy. Oh I hate it. Yeah, we're

I met one of Hayden's friends at a wedding on the weekend and he went on, Oh, I'm house hunting, Oh, how's it going? Fantastic? Living camera took me a week. I imagine that living regionally and you just able to do it.

You know what you got to do. You've just got to keep all of your search filters the same, everything you want the same price, right, and change the location to Brisbane or Melbourne. O.

I can't.

We would be absolutely bowling if we live there. What we're prepared to pay in Sydney for a little shitty, muld ridden, disgusting, dark apartment. We could be living on the fucking water in a mansion, yeah, like Kings. But then of course there is the flooding if you move to to a point, Yeah, we have to fact and we have to spend half the year on the roof being like, oh, it's flooded again. It does help to kind of form a relationship with the real estate agent, though,

You had one job too, how dare you?

And also this one they were like, they're going to sell in six months, so it's only a six months. I was like, Tony, you've wasted both of our times.

Bad quite literally, that's what they do.

You want to leave my current blaze so bad?

Isn't that funny you want to leave.

I don't want to leave.

We're stuck. We love our house.

But they're selling your rental in Summerhill available very soon. If you want that too, better. It stinks a cat, that's the problem. It does. I'm very responsible for the cat.

Smell your feel about that good point anyway, if you're thinking of moving just for the fun of it, don't do it unless you need to.

Because I was shattered when you told me that you were now house hunting, because I'm like, that's one more competitive in the day that we run into each other, and an inspection.

I know, and we both love marble flooring, so you know we're looking for the same thing.

I'm actually meant to be at an inspection right now. But this was the only time we could record this week, So sacrifice if needed to be you now, I have a feeling it would have been terrible gorgeous. Oh really yeah, Surry Hills. Oh I'm looking there too. It's so nice. Don't bother. We both drive car. That's not going to work, all right, you're ready for your Rigim go for it, darling.

Is it just.

How good is that thrill you get when your buzzer goes off at the pub when your food's are Ah, the vibration too, on the wooden pub tables that are covered in sticky beer residues. And if you're with a group of people and yours goes off first, and I'm just like, ha ha much feels ready before yours. They're making salad. I just got your.

We walk up when it shocks you when you order the Lambshanks and you go, I want them middle take a while, and then you sit down. It couldn't possibly do.

There's two sounds occurring at once. You do the vibration. I'll do the beef ready. I went to the pub the other night and they were just kind of like shitty and we have to go collect it, And there was this no fanfare whatsoever. And I know I shouldn't complain about table service, but also at a pub when I'm getting a snitty, it's not I don't want them to bring it to me. I want the theatrics of the Yeah. Yeah, it's so much more exciting. It's half the fun.

I love giving it back and you're watching them put it on that pancake stack of buses and.

Then you've got to spring in your step going to get it.

Ye, like here you get Oh, I've been there once at a Westfield and it was like a dumpling hut, and you order the dumplings, they give you a buzz and one of those vertical buzzeres, you know how they're normally.

Yeah, I prefer the discus. Same. I much prefer a discus. You're right.

Anyway, I had the you know, the book bookmark, Yes, and I was walking through a Westfield and I clearly was looking for a table too far out of the boundary. It was like thirty minutes later it didn't go off, so I must have been out of the light of range.

Where is my long bow?

So I went up and they were like, it's been ready for twenty minutes. I went out of range.

You don't have the buzzers in your establishment, in your wagon hospitality, please get them because it works for everyone. It's exciting and you don't have to do the table service.

Where else? What other industry could benefit from a buzz that aren't currently using the buzzers?

The doctor's surgery, you're in the red, just get up instead of that awkward moment when they come out and mispronounce your name.

Yeah, Michelle, Yes, yeah, that happens all the time.

But it also works for the doctor.

They don't have to move or they just press a button at they're desk.

Gentlemen, it's good. What about it?

You could do it?

I don't know, Senlink, Yes, it could work.

The RMS nothing worse, which is like the road Authority in New South Wales.

When you're just staring looking at that screen being like where it's my number?

And then numbers make no sense? Bong are twenty seven? Bong p twelve? Why there's no consistency? Have I told the story about Hayden and I went to get Deep Dish pizza, So we googled where to find it. This was the only place.

What is deep Dish pizza?

It's pizza, but the crust is like two inches.

Tall, it's deep. It's basically a cake.

Yeah, yeah, it's a pie. Anyway, so we googled. We went to this place in the shire and we go up. It's like in an industrial area and we go we're gonna order. Well, it's not we wine and she went awesome, we're only new. So what's going to happen is the sitting area is around near the car park, So when your food's ready, we're going to pull the volume down on the song and then we'll pull it back up.

That is the random mode of communications. So we had a buzzer bitch. Oh yeah.

And the problem is like the music was playing at four percent volume, so the whole time we were trying to enjoy our nights, but listen for the song. This is what she said. So we'd be sitting there talking it's a nice yeah, it's oldest thought it would be calm.

Yeah, I'm ravenous our pizza. I'm starving for that. Oh I think that's it's ready to All the other diners are like, what happened?

Yeah truly, but then like songs have natural pauses, so they'd be like, I know, if there's a bass drop, we're like waiting for the bass to go off. It was terrible pizza anyway, wasn't worth our time?

You know what's up there with the buzzer in terms of the best inventions ever the QR codes on the table? Oh yeah, but then you can't have both, can you, because if you ordered with the QR code, then you don't get a buzzer.

Yeah shit, yeah, I know.

Don't make me choo.

There's only two kinds of people in the for QR peoples or buzzer people.

What if they invented away where you can order with the QR code on your phone and then your phone vibrates when it's ready, or you get a text get in touch with me and you the app. Ye, that's the menu that you usually order with the QR code. We've got to let them know just the phone start's going.

I love it.

That's smart.

Yeah, I'll invest I'll put ten.

K in exactly now we've got to make our own app. Fuck me and you it's our idea. Do you know how to make apps? No?

No, I don't know why I thought about it too.

Do you're like, maybe I have. It's a been a bad brain week. Maybe I do know how to make apps?

Do I know?

I dig through the brain? Nothing? Nothing?

As Helen Keller once said, this podcast.

Is fucking type you're listening to?

Is it just me?

All right?

We've done our time for you to get in touch. If you want to be featured on the show and win a prize, send us a DM couple of mitches, slide on in and if you hear yourself on the show a message, price keeper general, get you something fun? Yeah, it's it?

It just me of your own and is it just you? If you like who we got today? Emma has sent this in.

Hey guys, Emma here love the podcast?

Is it just me?

Or does nobody else understand? Why tea and coffee are free everywhere no matter where you go. You pay for soft drink, probably pay for a bottle of water, but for some reason, tea coffee always free? Like who decided that tea and coffee are just free?

Like?

As a staple. I'm not understanding, she's not understanding.

Yeah, that's true. And also and it's family favorites don't grow on trees. They're always free.

To Oh yeah, good point the family box. Yeah who decided that though? Is there a governing body? Was there like a Commonwealth referendum back when we were not alive that made this happen.

I think they're happy to make it available for free because it's the worth coffee known to man. Yeah, international growth or a Karna instant, No, that's horrible shit. But tea, it's pretty much the thing real and.

It's quite cheap and affordable too.

Yeah, that's why I find it weird when people go out and buy They spend like five bucks on a tea. Yeah, and I'm like, you don't realize how much you're being ripped off. Like going to a cafe and ordering a peppermint tea or something, what are you doing? You're paying for boiling water, whereas ordering coffee at a cafe. There's a drastic difference between that and the instant shit. Yeah, drastic difference. I will never drink that vile liquid ever.

Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's because I work nights. But there's something about at like five o'clock having an instant coffee, like heaps of like two cent yeah about it, because it like taps straight into your blood, Like it goes straight to your tummy and then it's in your blood.

Right.

Yeah, now, I don't mind it. I grew up on it. My mum to this day only exclusively drinks instant Macona coffee.

She adores it.

Oh gosh, you know what my mum would do growing up. She'd have her Macona coffee in the morning decaf by the way, does jack shit? What that fat? And then she dip her veggiemikee toast in it in her coffee?

Oh?

What the fuck? It just gets worse it.

I don't mind it. I've tasted really, it's a salty sweet thing.

No, God, I vociferously disagree with that. That is putrid.

Did you get a phosaurus this week or something? Did you get a phosaurus? This vocabularies all of a sudden through the roof.

Am I sounding a bit loquacious? Am I?

I love her?

On drag race. Euquacious means wordy.

Oh really, Normally I'm the one that has good words. But I'm impressed with you, but.

No, I vociferously disagree with you, saying that instant coffee is good. You deserve better than that, my friend, you do well, I vehemently yeah, stand by it. I de ligamantly agree.

Look, it's a totalitarian discussion, and I think the vociferous is that from a Game of Thrones House the Dragon.

Isn't that.

Serious?

Well, I just dumb it down.

Sorry, not for me.

I'm just thinking of the you know, the audience. Why don't you guys understand who are you talking to?

Man listening right now?

That was weird.

I just pictured a woman in a car with a blonde bob. If that's you right now, message me because I.

Just had to shelthie. If you're a woman in a car with a blonde bob hearing.

The imagine, if it's me, I'm getting Karen, I don't know. Just send me a message.

But you know, it's weird that it's free, But it's because it's not expensive, so it does check out. Whereas you know, a can of sun kissed that'll set them back. They're at a loss. They're not going to give you.

That for free.

Good point. I went to get my car fixed the other day at a mechanic and I'm glad I clarified because it could have had a candy shop. Yeah, and they had had an SCFA pod system and I didn't have an SCAF. I don't have a pod machine, but I wanted to take the pods. I'm like, that's why companies can't do the way.

You don't have a pod machine. Oh, Mitchell, I've.

Got a Bristo machine. You know, I've got the good coffee machine.

Oh that's too hard.

I've made you one. I've come over from too laborious. Stop it or I'll bottomize you. Okay, I just know that because my doctor suggested it for me.

What is that? What is that?

The bottom is when they literally get an ice pick and put it in the cavity of your eye, and they get a hammer and they hammer it into your frontal lobe for what purpose? Because well, if you're a slut. They used to do it to women in them. Yes, no, it's a medical treat so why they do it to sluts doesn't work.

It's like psychiatric facilities and things.

Why do you need It's just joking.

I've got a brain condition. Yeah, it's a brain.

Let's get so blurry. I can't tell when you're joking.

They did it to Jackie Jackie Kennedy's sister, No, JFK's sister. Yes, yes, they've got bottomized her all because she was like a bit fun.

It just sounds like nothing what I imagine it to be when you say the bottomized, Yeah, that kind of sounds it sounds like a colonoscopy. I've been the bottomized a few times in that case. So that's why you're in a good mood.

Or right, if you want to get in touch there, it's a message, a couple of Mitch's voice message two.

Or if you want to get on the show live, we do that too.

You know, Mitchell gets Mitchell trying to think of a word that that really what.

Are you trying to say? You tell me? Do you tell me?

I think a good point. I mean she really enjoys it. He loves a live call.

Oh what's the good word?

Yeah, enchanted by a live call.

I think that live calls are just debaucherous. I absolutely love them.

It's the pacherous negative.

No, it sounds it, but it means lots of pleasure. I think it actually applied to sexual pleasure. But it was because I fucking love a good call on the show You Do You Do? Emma? That turned me off.

That voice message, Yeah, to be honest, Emma, lift your game, get in touch, send price, keep Bridgeenna. Oh god, I'm stroking.

Oh no, I told you it's too soon. You need another week off.

Now I'm fine. I'm actually feeling good. My brain's on no medication. My brain is good. It's firing on all cylinders.

Hear.

My doctor said to me, I was going to ask for a mental health plan. I was talking to Hayden and he's like, asked for mental health I didn't. Well, that's what I said. I called Hayden. I went he had had the doctor go because they're in the Shire, and I went, good, I didn't ask about a mental health plan.

He went, why why? I feel like your second husband right now?

Why?

Said why?

I went?

The doctor actually suggested one.

Oh I love it. I'll give you Patrick's number.

Darlin.

Yeah.

He suggested some old wench. No, no, no, I'll pick some old No.

Trust me, I've seen many an old wench. I thought I'd prefer seeing a female shrink.

So that's what I think.

Nah, they fuck about a bit.

Really, I wanted a female one as well, but.

They're good atverts. But then somewhere along the line you can tell that they're just wanting your money and they're just going around in circles.

I'm like, really, all women shrinks.

I'm like, No, the tenderness and like nurturing effect that you have has worn off. I want to fix this.

Do you want sternness? Well, let me go through that journey on my own. I will start with a woman. Just you know what.

It'll fucking don't heed my warning.

Then, I'm just going to say my psychological journey will mirror that of my coming out. I'll dabble with women for a couple of times, convince myself that I'm in love with it, and then get a male psychologist. Didn't be happy forever?

Okay, well, I won't give you Patrick's number, forget about it now. I'll give you Patrick's number, all right, just being silly.

Let me.

Now the best thing about you being away last week, Mitchell, it's don't be too excited. No, it's because you weren't here to veto any ideas that we came up with. Yes, I love a vita. Yeah, so it's logged for this episode, and you weren't here to approve it or not, So it's happening whether you like it or not. We were talking about infomercials that you see on TV. I love an information, not just the ones that you see, you know, on the Morning show or whatever, but the twenty four

And she could get a commission because she'd be telling all her friends about it too. She'd be not one of those people that would go to the website to look at it. She'd have a pen and paper right next to the television boy. Yes I'm the lazy boy that she bought on TVs, and she'd be writing the notes of the product.

Can you bring up TVs then now and see just whatever the advertising? Now? And I reckon, we get dot to make a call and maybe make an order to you. It depends how expensive it is. We could actually order this thing.

I was going could put it on the Kideo's TVs and live streaming video player.

Otherwise I can try and TV.

We often get beautiful emails from our Lily.

And I had an email from our Lily. I like this brand very much.

I am very picky myself. What are they say, like the Joejober Company Ultimate Day Creaming face cream forty nine? We can afford that on the kidiot years old. But no one can tell my agent thank you for such a good brand from.

Lily's lovely Yeah, Ultimate Youth Potion.

I would use that to be honest, like this could actually be you seriously, fuck DoD, I'll take this all right. So it's forty nine ninety five deliver plus delivery.

I bet they try upsell you on the phone. Okay, So when you call as Doss in character as the ninety year old woman. I think you need to sort of try and waste as much of their time as you can, and like tell your life story about why you're so wrinkly.

Yeah, like life story why she needs the Jojoba.

Tell them that you are such a loyal view and you love them.

She went to Bali once and actually ask.

Them if they need a hand and you can come work for them.

A good point.

She knows the product inside out.

I actually think should just lie.

And say you've got all this TV experience and be like I used to be a presenter in my heyday.

Oh my god, can we get up the resume of an actual TV presenter?

Carry Ann Janna?

Can you get up care?

Actually I can google carry Kerryan's Wikipedia claim that all of that was you. Yes. No, In nineteen fifty I worked for Good Morning Australia.

Oh, Kerry's got a very short Wikipedia. Oh my god, they've got TV and radio working. Dot point forms is per perfect. Also, I think I should should suggest that dot should be getting a casual wage. She should be making commission because she would be telling all her friends about these products.

Oh yeah, down at the library saying, you'll never believe what sort of right back I got.

Yes, yeah, yeah, well the dragon vacuum and the wet mop drying up? All right?

Should I call the weird dragon blood product? Have you heard the advertising that dragon egg? Is it called?

No, it's some dragon blood thing.

God, she's very she's very religious, so that sounds a bit demonic to her. All right, So let me get see. If there's a number of days.

And you've got a four point five millimeter difference in this person after what do you think I can't see the TV? Oh?

Sorry, it's it's someone's jaws. Your it's skin sagging.

All right, and they reckon this Joba ship actually actually pronounce that.

M J, which is obvious.

Yes it is.

And look, you know, increasing elasticity in the skin, of course, is going to have a and not gonna effect. You're gonna have to google how you pronounce your haber.

No, it's it's Are you sure the numbers up?

It just went to the website and hang on, I've just googled the pronunciation of Joe jibber jojo Jo.

Looks like I've actually been and just had a manicure.

Look, look, when you think when you say, Jojoba, can you just mumble Biden at the end, Jojo Biden.

Biden getting here?

Come on in Dot? Oh you look well, I dot? You can do with any moisturies? Are they? It's me? Remember me? How are you pretty good? Dot? What about you in a period?

Take? Grumpy in the eyes, grumpy.

In the eyes. I'm good.

Get on the chair. You fell off the check at your.

Age, you can't be having a fall. That could be life or.

I'm not tall? No, he said, four DOT, I'm gonna call TV sn DOT for you. Okay, I know the number one, three, ten, ten, two four. She calls them, she knows. All right, we're gonna call this still advertising the jojob, but ultimate day cream to Joe Biden.

Joe Jo go off Mike like judge j bid.

All right, that's call. I'm going to give you the mic.

Yeah. Oh, you better turn mine off because I'm gonna.

Las Yeah, me too.

You're off, don't you?

Welcome to TV and lead. Wait while we transfer you to our customer care.

I wonder how much for weight there is?

I don't think many dot jump on, Oh very loud. I was married to this song better quality though than wedd definition.

Welcome to TV. Then you speaking with Kellie? How me hook you? Kelly Kelly?

Hello Kelly, my name is Dot Wigans. How are you? Oh?

Not too bad yourself? How are you going?

Fantastic?

Listen? I'm just watching the television. I can see Paul applying the Jojo Bloden liquid to his wrist. I'd like to make a purchase. I believe i'd really like this Jojo see what oil?

Oh?

Okay?

Sure? Thing? So you, first of all your customer cvsmor Is this the first time you've called that?

No? No, I have not a while, and I haven't moved homes. You see, I'm now in a village. But they address would be okay, yes.

Sure, not probable. Do you remember what your customer number is?

I remember my grandson's name, sweetheart villains, but my customer okay? Say are you calling from Kimberley? I'm very ringily and I don't The growls in my neck is the issue for me. You see, my first husband, Paul, as a truck driver and he we couldn't afford windows, so the sun beamed onto my neck for decades. So I am I'm like a croc al bay it's not a hard look. So the Jojo beat it would be fantastic for me.

Yeah, okay, yeah, this tryingth sounds sounds forgiving for sure. And so what state are you calling from?

Allergic to sunscreen as well? I put it on and I rash. Allergic to prawns and when I feel the prawns underneath, the cuticle of my nail gets thick, Darling, thick. So it's similar to that with the sunscreen SPF fifteen not of the worst, but thirty. Oh my, can't go in the s SBF thirty at all.

Oh that's not so whereabouts you? Okay?

To what state?

I mean? Victoria?

Okay, so seriously, thank you. Hang on, I'm just going to look cure the health up. Okay, no showing your contact number. Let's what you are?

Sorry, that's fine.

My last purchase was thin Lizzy. But the thin Lizzy doesn't work on fat dots you see.

Oh no, that's not Let's TV shop called TVSN. It's a different company, so you might not be a customer with TVs.

Oh, I'm so sorry, Darling, I'm so sorry.

Well, I mean that's not a problem. I can set you up as a customer. So which Harber item? Are you after?

What she called me?

No, it's called her hoober, that's what you're.

I thought it was Joe Joben.

No, that's okay though, sorry herb Yeah, did you get a nice did you write down? If you're watching it now? And they showed the blouse?

Is she wearing the yellow?

This is very nice, the yellow silk the best best.

I don't know, because she's not a presenter. Yeah, so it's probably her own. Yeah, I don't know.

Line. I have TV presenting experience myself, you know, and I watched a lot of TVs, you know. In nineteen eighty one, I was in The Restless Years, the program The Restless Years?

Are you really? What character do you play?

I've paid margaret and it was an extra role, but I enjoyed that. Then I was There was a two UI feed in an answer as well. In nineteen ninety two on two I did Spot of Radio Breakfast, and then I was the CEO of two c H a very short period of time spots on Studio ten. You would have seen me, Yes.

Excellent, very impressive. Indeed. All right, so let's hang on. I'll just get you detause because you send you my resume.

I can I could put that forward?

Where can?

I thought?

Do you have an email address or a PO box? I could get my resume to to send it out.

We're in it Wels, I can travel. We're in a different stay.

Yeah, well, dear, yeah, you know, I could emails or I mean, I've got a wedding in November.

I could pop up and.

Yeah, so yeah we can. So what do you do? You remember which product that you're after, because there's quite a few. You can get the duo that's in the yellow bottles. There's a job of B cleanser. Another item. There's a pigmentation of oil.

Was what Paul was putting on his wrist on his hand before?

I didn't see what it was?

A creamy white cream?

Could leave the presenter?

Is he sorry?

I'm thinking of the white cream? All right, Well, I'll get the hand cream in the serum.

So the hand cream is it? Okay, Hank? Did you it's the hand cream? Is that in a duo? Yes?

Yes, I am said he no longer he betrothed to anybody, But I.

Okay, I can't find a hand cream though. Did you grade down the island number for it? Because I'm looking at the.

Let me get my pad hold on.

Yes, what I.

Would suggest, why don't you continue to watch the show and as soon as one of the products comes up right down.

The island number and then called back that.

Way, then we'll know exactly what you're after. It's probably better that way, just to make sure that we get the right item ordered.

How long have you been working here?

Oh?

I was eight years.

I haven't spoken to you before. Do you like it?

I don't think you've called TVs then, by the sounds of it, yeah, you haven't called us before. Remember, I think we've established that it was TV shop. The items that you've purchased previously.

So.

They're back on. They're back on. Paul and Rooky, Ricky for Ato for two. No, I don't want the tennis brace. I haven't played tennis since yeah with John Howard's wife. All right, I will, oh, bunch your back, Terry when I get out another and we will make a booking. All right, sweet, all right, thank you so much. All right, get a water, Get a water please?

Oh god, I was just like, get this bitch off the line.

To be honest, she had the patience of a saint.

No, she was doing a hard wrap at the end there. Oh yeah, god.

Yeah, as I've said to you before, you've never called us. I think we established.

I know she wasn't impressive Kern's career at all.

Well, half of Krann's shows have a fucking name in the title, so I skip about ten different jobs.

Just changed it in Mornings with Dogs. Let's that show with.

Dollsh also the idiot. She was the two h breakfast shift and CEO.

I didn't know that about carry Ann, so we should interview he oh no Na for another time.

Anyway, thank you dots left by the way, she's wrong, look at a waddling to the lift.

Thanks to We'll see you soon children.

Is it just me the rude shocks of young adulthood?

Now?

You know how we always say hit us up anytime at couple of mitches or you can chat in our Facebook group in Enduring Idiots. There will be other people from our community in the group, chatting away as to be family over the Yeah, and my favorite thing about our community is when they send us things like this.

I got some muss Stone, amuse yes, put that in here.

Okay, I wouldn't get Stone to this, but this does work for the sake of the segment.

Oh, it's definitely yeah, comical.

So I went to the point that she was talking about, and I got to say. It doesn't help that this particular week we weren't in the studio. We were in your house. So you can also mentally picture us just like passing a bung around echo.

We were very chilluff puff pass bro yeah yeah.

Yeah, but this particular point we do sound really really cooked. Like I hate this because it makes it sound dumb, and I'm like, oh, even at full speed, it's not an intelligent conversation.

Oh what are we discussing? Is it politics or yeah?

So just for context, we're talking about your home studio and the brand of equipment you use is road. Yes, so we start by talking about the road equipment and then from there we just going to talking about sex stuff basically. So this is this is us at half speed back in episode Thanks for this Nner.

Yeah, how good is this home set up? Ben? Thanks?

Road?

Yeah?

What's that Lenny Cheese character?

Doc?

Yeah? Who says that?

I don't know the quote?

Dogs?

Funny?

What's up?

Dog?

Yeah?

I was a road runner guy, that nasty road run I would always.

And thanks to road for sending here.

The road road.

That's really funny. They arrange your tribu.

Treadmills or just a pair of shoes runnless.

Oh that's fucking good. Are you going to get the monkey pops jab? I've been thinking about it.

Yes, Apparently you have to fill in the amount of sexual partners you have or have had in the last four months so that they can prioritize the more slutty guy.

Then I'm not getting it.

Then I'm on my second I'm kidding.

Good.

I'm just drinking it straight from the vine.

I found a dildo on my bathroom drawer the other day, and I'm so confused because it's not mine.

Any worse, I'll.

You drunk an thing did you express by yourself?

One and forget about it?

Now?

I remember?

Was it your kind? Was it like one that you, the older version of Mitchell would have purchased.

No, I don't have like a huge collection, and I'd lose track.

There's no logical explanation. It just turned out. Is a bella?

Is she a wanderer?

Maybe she went to someone else's apartment, picked it up and then brought it back thinking it.

Was like a dead bird, yes, and put it in your was a budgy smuggler. Oh oh my, okay, who do you think sounded the most stoned out of all of us?

You started there, but by the end I was on one heart beat a minute.

Yeah, and Janet is fully greened out. Oh yeah, this is weird because after listening to that, I feel like we sound stoned now. But this is full speed, this is normal speed. I'm gonna have to really enunciate everything now because I sounded the most slurry, and I spoiler, I wasn't stoned. I just sounded like that regular regular fuck.

Oh god, we need to go home regularly. Shit, let's leave. But that is I think the most funck we've ever sounded, which is good because it was half speed.

You know, it's not. Why the hell does that function exist? In what world when anyone ever need to listen to a podcast at half speed?

Oh, you're right, I listened to one point one five sometimes, why because this podcast I listened to these American gay men are so slow draw everywhere, and then you listen to it in one point one five. It's not one and a half. It's one a little bit more, and it's perfect, perfect, really. Yeah, sometimes I feel like we talk a bit too quickly. Were best heard at the correct rate, the normal rate? Yeah, we have catered this show for your ease. Don't fucking touch.

It, No, don't touch it. Don't fucking no, no, no, no, no, oh my god.

Okay for one second, though, put it in half speed. If you don't know how to do it. It's on Apple podcast at the bottom left, I think.

Yeah, same with Spotify. There's a little one time you just tap that and put it to zero point five.

Okay, do it now, and let's talk slowly and see if it's really fucked.

Just for the wrap up of the show. All right, anyway, thanks for joining us again, guys, for another episode of Is It Just me.

My reat episode and if you want to buy a mug. Yeah, ah ah, I just remembered.

Were you laughing now?

I accident wrote Michael Jury on one of.

The Oh god, it is a bad Brian wake remember your own name. I need to get out. Yeah, we better see everybody next. We love you idiots, Bye bye bye?

Is it just me a podcast by a couple of me.

Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app.

That's the bo Welcome to a d debrief. This is our secret segment on the end.

Okay, very quickly, let's do the opposite. Let's just talk really quickly and then have to put on a half spited TIF.

It works. Oh, I circle to a nunciator at the best of time.

Oh that's really hard, Jenner, when you can try to.

Think, I don't know, it's too hard.

What we're talking. Rewind you do a good rewind minds you brush. Now you're going to go low inflection than up because people usually started upward inflection and then they go down. So if you don't investment to sing, our bob sound like you're speaking similess. Similar It's been a while since I've heard your sims impression. It's very bang on. Can you give us a bit of similish bangano? No, do find that similish version of the Katie Perry song

To hear it again, all right, So I'm going to announce it as a as a radio announcer.

Yes, pretend you're on here, right, Hamball, mangat tussie a gaboo harm for me too, Maga more manamina standympeb.

Oh my god, they've got another one.

Let me try this. I can't believe she had to learn similar for this. Well, that was a.

Kiss similar station. Let's do like a rock Triple M style stage ready ring a poor.

Move mea ha barga do mada ho renoba and oh me baboo manakucko.

What does it sound? Correct? Sounded like a That sounded quite a roneous.

That was.

It's from the German version, so they must be.

I feel like there was a Lily Allen song as well. Yeah she did. She did smile.

It's true, all right, I'm sure I know I've already done a pop station.

I just do it again. Fucking you know, you know the lead time on this intro to do I? How does this go? What's my You'll recognize it? Oh? Trust me?

Okay, would just come off of similar content ready.

Yeah, Mega twenty ohmga, pretty pursuit, bloody and a cartore.

This is better.

But they really committed and got these artists to actually singing similarly. They would have had to have been paid a bomb.

I reckon it's on her actual Viva account as well.

Wouldn't it be. I'd be pretty proud if I had to talk chippers and learn my own song in a different language.

Half.

I wonder if there was clearly rescripted for them.

Right, Yeah, there'd be a sim dialect coach there though they take it so seriously. Did you ever play Grand Theft Water? I went to drive around listening to the Grand theft A radio.

Stations all the time.

I still do it.

Know how to play? I just did that.

Yeah.

I saw a tweet once when I worked here at Kids FM, and it came through and it said congrats to Kyle and Jackio for being the only radio show that sounds like a Grand Theft Auto station. Oh that, and I like it's so true because the Grand Theft Auto stations were the best they sound.

It's so good everything like everything on Kiss sounds so clean and polished.

Can you look up Grand Theft Auto radio stations? I reckon we could actually find that one? Or oh no, go Grand Theft Auto either, Yes, San Andreas, I was gonna say Vice City, but sant Andres was better.

Oh I loved Vice City though.

Is it like it's like a combination of letters KBXL or some shit?

Yeah, okay, there's DST radio x k rows, w CTR.

Maybe it's either that or k rows. I think with k yeah, goks. This is why cowboys listen to No thanks. Let's try West Coast.

Pinions are free, which is why we're here.

It's news and talk.

Then our sponsors agree on w CTR.

Oh maybe it is this.

Nah Up next, it's Area fifty three and Marvin Trill broadcasting live from his trailer in the desert.

There's something to be said for the nerds that create these games, because imagine how much time and effort went into that. They made fake radio stations, and then they just have a little toggle in the corner on the screen where you can switch them, and they're always going like.

That is fucked contemporary soul radio from San Andrea CSR one of three.

What's the pop station on Bloody Maybe go Maybe I'm thinking of Grand Theft Auto, Vice City.

I think it's Vice City.

Maybe it's K Chat on Vy City.

It definitely started with K yeah go k.

Chat and yeah, and it played Billy Jean by Michael Jackson. That's it, that's it.

I was thinking it was a Michael Jackson song.

Okay, here we go.

Hi, I'm amy so right, We're back. I'm here with like, oh my god.

This is so it's actually insults to Carl and Jackie O saying it sounds like that.

Rock god all the way from Scotland, England.

So jazz, I'm sorry.

As you can tell.

Imagine being an out of work acting student. We got you a gig. You have to pretend to be a radio for a video game. I only give a week part of myself to people who have bought all of the rubbish fields Flash FM apparently I swore it began with I saw Flash before. Yeah, maybe go Flash FM.

Nobody understands we do slash FM music for the me generation.

Yeah yeah, oh my god? Can you do the thing with on YouTube? Where there's the hump where people listen.

Yeah, all right, this is the biggest armp halfway through.

Yeah, oh my god, flash, oh my god. I feel like I'm in my br ron.

I want to hear a.

Yeah, I want to hear the radio pasion ideas and.

The hosts crazy people love to flash slash of him.

Wow.

Wow, that is dedication.

I know.

Did you ever play the new one grend Theft Auto five?

Nah?

They had twenty radio station twenty and you could like pick it and choose it.

I still have not evolved beyond the PlayStation two. I was doing this dumb thing with a friend the other day, you know how. We were making fun of the way that Taylor Swift introduces all her songs because there's such long drawn out stories that only very very vaguely relate to the song title. Oh really, and she always starts with give me a City. She always starts with the city sits in Saint Louis. You know, I've been thinking

Okay, and it thoughts with you know.

And then a random city, you know, Alice Springs, I've been thinking. I was thinking the other day about my one of my gay best friends, Michael, and he was so upset because he tried to donate blood and they said, we don't want your blood. You've got bad blood, you know.

Poort Augusta. I was thinking the other day, not enough people care about their nail health. Growing up, I had really hard nails, but now they're a little bit more delicate. Hit it, no, Tying. I don't want to see.

Her live, I have no. Oh, it was pretty epic reputation.

Yeah, you know what, Coling Gatta, I've been thinking, that's terrible.

Oh, I thought you were going to launch you.

No, I don't have one.

I don't have one.

I'm gonna look up Tyler Sifth songs.

You know what I've been thinking, Kuna barrab Brand. It's a travesty that gay men can't donate blood because there is nothing bad about your blood. Hit it?

You just stole that from me?

Did you say it?

You literally just it? Cold? Doctor? You need another cold doctor? Said, I actually forgot called doctor wonder soape.

That was an exact same story.

Did you do a blood donation story? Yes, you did not.

What did you say? I said? My gay best friend Michael was so distract because he went to get blood and they said, we don't want your blood. You've got bad blood.

Hit it.

I didn't even know.

You know, you should don't sweet, we should play back out show at half speed. That'd be very funny.

That's a good idea.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Can go.

We've got you got this from the show. Can you remind me? I want to do any next week jinner about real estate?

Okay? Anyway, I'm trying to think of another one. You know, Tullamore, I've been thinking, sometimes when you're grown up, it's not as easy to make friends. You know, when you're young, you just release your inhibitions and the love and friendship is so pure. But when you're an adult, it's so much harder to make friends. And so I've been doing a lot of things to make friends recently, you know, and like, not the kind of fake friendships we don't need,

Wow.

He told me he was coming over with his boyfriend. He told me all about his boyfriend.

Wow.

They came to my house. They walked in the door and his boyfriend says, Hi, I'm trouble, And I said, baby, I knew you were trouble when you walked in.

Hit it.

I love the pulses. Yeah, it just makes it.

You know what I've been thinking. Mount Karringay, I love a good night out Mount Kringai. I know you do too. Nothing better than a night out with your mates. I've learned your lingo, but nothing better than a night out with someone you love. Nothing better than sobring up with a cheeseburger and ordering some food and waiting for your ticket to be called, and they say order a number five six six, and you're a bit tipsy.

You done.

Hear order five six SIGs catches your attention and you go, you know what that's for me?

Hit it.

Like terrible.

I did not know where that was going.

Same true for everything else.

I thought you were going to say, no, that's not my order. I'm order number twenty two. Hit it my good too.

That's a terrible song.

Oh don't play this in half speed. It's not going to do with any favorite.

No, no, please, Oh that's really funny.

All right, we have to go.

Everybody, What a pleasure. It's been a real pleasure, real pleasure. It's been a great fun great to be back. Thank you for holding down the fort last week for me, guys. I miss you all. Everyone that messaged me as well, very sweet messages.

That was very kind. I appreciate it.

Shout out to Callum induring idiot. Calum, he sent me cupcakes for my birthday. I love the Injuran idiot. So I don't know who else chipped in, but for everyone, your names weren't on the card, so i'd query that with Callum, but I appreciate it.

That was very, very sweet. We hope this podcast made you feel at least two percent better today. That's all black. We hope this podcast made you feel at least three percent better today. That's all so we do. You nailed it.

People said they missed it last week. We're back, baby. We see you in a week's time. We love you, think you're.

Listening, Love you idiots, Catch you soon, Base fine?

Is it just me?

A podcast by a couple of meches.

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