EP 8 Overcoming Fear to Follow God - Kim Bakaev

Well and and talking with Kim today, um, I learned that I set her name totally wrong. So now I'm going around saying, because I have, so thank you cam up and I want you to get to know Kim. All right. Because she is such a hilarious, fun, energetic friend and I think it'd be great to ask you just some random questions and see what we could we come up with unplanned. So totally. I did. I don't, I normally let people get familiar with it, but no, she can do this off the cuff, so. All right.

What's your favorite drink? Okay.

Okay. If you were an Emoji, what Emoji best describes you or your day to day? Oh Gosh, definitely something smiley. Maybe with some tears. Not My crying tears, but laughing. Laughter. Okay. Right. All right.

When you have come to an I refresh gathering and we've talked before, before you had a podcast that you had an unction, he felt God had led you to start one. But tell me like what was your journey from the point where you felt God led you to do that and like the process from hearing God's prompting to acting on it?

In fact, I would remember I was the first grandchild on my dad's side for, for five years. And I remember trying to get in there to like talk to my grandma and say, grandma, grandma, grandma, grandma. Because she's talking, you know, with adults. And so I think somewhere along the line I might, and it's not my grandma's fault, I just felt like I had this belief that I kind of ally that I believe that, well, my voice probably is an important enough to get someone's attention.

And so I think I kind of went through life like I was afraid to try out at a play at school because well my voice doesn't matter. They're not in any way. So I think I carried that through and had I thought about it, I probably should've gone into something like communications when I was in college because I enjoy that. But I had the belief that my voice didn't matter.

So you go through your 20s you're 30 do you raise kids and all that and, and even I think my people have said you talk really fast. I think cause I'm from the north. Yeah, more cold. So we're trying to ask words, but I sort of think about that and I think I'm trying to get things in before someone loses interest because that matter. Yeah, exactly. And so I, as I started to kind of got into my forties start to really look at, okay, who am I?

The whole kind of like, wait a minute, who has God made me? What do I believe about myself? Kind of got to that place in my life to look at it. And just looking at different things that the Lord had healed me up, different lies that I had believed myself, that my voice didn't matter, that I wasn't enough.

And just in just Kim, I, uh, from some good friends that were going to a speaking conference and I thought I couldn't go to a speaking conference because my voice like Tanner, but I felt like the Lord had things that I was supposed to share. Maybe I was going to write those things. Should I speak them? I don't know. So I had the courage to go with some friends to the sheikh speaks conference, which is in North Carolina and this was in 2013. And so it was great.

It was just, you know, you're just like drinking from a fire hose. All of this information, these great motivational speakers that are, we all have a message and I just felt motivated and we're sitting at a keynote message by Michael Hyatt who, if you're familiar with him, he is. Um, he used to be a publisher, I believe at like Tommy Nelson. And he was sharing about a building a platform. And just to give for people that are speakers.

And he gave this little kind of an offshoot talking about podcasting. And back at that time, it wasn't like it is now where everybody's doing podcasts and we ran a table of like eight or 10 women and he talked about the Pi a podcast and how this little tiny sliver for the Christian audience or Christian podcasts, there's, and for women podcasters, it's like barely even register a ball on this pie. And my heart just leapt.

And again, I'm sitting around the table with eight or nine other women and none of them felt that draws. So I thought, oh, everybody would jump on it. And I knew that that was the Lord trying to say, you need to pay attention to what he's saying. And so okay, that, that was a different direction than I thought. I thought, oh, I need to focus on trying to speak, doing a blog and writing kind of the things that were what most women were there for, but that wouldn't go away.

That thing just was there. And I really believe that that was the Lord. So 2014 I go back, hadn't done a thing 2015 2016 but what was happening, it was always there, but I was afraid. I had believed the lie will, who am I? And I think we all have that. If the Lord puts something in us or were gifted in an area, we get those voices that say, who do you think you are? What do you have to say? What I mean? What makes you better than somebody else? And so I believe those things for so long.

Thinking anybody to people around you, did they know how you were feeling or did you hide that? My mom didn't say that. No, no. I mean, I might've shared was a couple of friends that I wanted to maybe do that. But again, it can be overwhelming because you start thinking about, oh my goodness, I don't know anything about technology. You know, that's not my area. And in fact, my oldest son had taken a class at a tech school for an elective, something along the lines of this.

And he was like, mom, you know you, you're too old. You kind of can't learn that kind of thing. And so I'm believing those things. And it was the fear that came in coupled with who do you think you are? But the Lord wouldn't let it go. And I started to feel like I'm starting to walk into in disobedience because the, he put that in there and it wouldn't go away. So I think that's the way that you can kind of tell too is the scholars. It's just me because it just wouldn't go away.

It just wouldn't go away. So 2016 than to do so if that was 13. Right. Did you ever tell anybody between 2013

I do remember at one point when I heard, once I heard you to say about that, I would think I remember asking about it like where are you were at with something cause I'm always wanting to know what people, what you're called to do and if you're not doing it, why? And hontoose encouraged. Yeah. So I talk about Sheryl being one who will be that Holy Spirit kicked in the Heinie because that's what she does. It's not like going out with the kids, which is fine.

She'll be like, are you being obedient? Are you doing what God's called you to do? Yes. That kind of thing. It was fun. Cause I mean if you go on our youtube channel to, you will find that we have quite a few different devotionals that you've already done for us. Uh, when I would, um, I had a hectic life between California and Oklahoma. I would fly in for a few days back home and I would have a cam or our carrier or scarlet and we would get together and on the fly that we would start doing.

And you were so great. I mean I, we, we walked down the hallway and I saw a shepherd pitcher. Like I liked that, that weight come up with something and she literally on the fly you had a devotional that she put together just like that. So I mean it was in you and I enjoyed how fluid that you are in just off the cuff and being spontaneous and, and sharing something. And it's heartfelt though.

And I, and your, in the way that you do an application, because I still remember, you know, some of the things that you have that are good triggers to recall your stories. Like the bus, same.

Anyway, I interrupted you, but I just kinda wanted to know as far as that point, if you had anybody keep you accountable to what you felt in that prompting. No, because that's important to, to identify and speak out what you feel God's calling you to do with someone who can keep you accountable. Absolutely. Absolutely.

So I had gone to the sheet, speaks conference two years in a row and felt like, okay, I can't go to another one until I really started applying this because I love to learn and get more knowledge and like hear from those that are experts in their field. But I'm always, there's that little hesitation to, to go forward and to do. And um, so I'm part of a group called hope writers and it was their first time having a workshop and I thought, okay, I'm going to go in a little different direction.

I thought I'm going to maybe working on some writing in kind of figuring out what my messages, and one of the founders was going to have an impromptu workshop on podcasting. Wow. And I thought, okay, I'm going to go. It was before the breakfast session, all that I went and again, I was like, okay, I'm just, I just got the courage then I'm just going to do it. I was going to be turning 50 the following in 2018. And I thought, I don't want to go

And so I took my son to a basketball tournament, I think it was like the next month had all this time in a hotel by myself and I just got with the Lord and said, just start downloading. And I just started writing different ideas and that's where the name nourish came from. I just really felt like this, this clicked in kind of like when you're turning a dial and just clicks. It made sense. I didn't really necessarily have a vision for do I want to talk about parenting?

Do I want to talk about women's issues? I just felt like I was just supposed to do something that nourishes the body of Christ that break. We have so much garbage in the world and the negativity and, and division. And I thought, I need to provide an outlet for women to have some positive content coming into their lives, whether they're, you know, they're on a road trip, they're picking up kids, they're cleaning, that they can turn it on and hear from other women.

And so I thought, I can't, again, I can't carry a podcast myself. So like you're doing, I want to be able to highlight other women, right? And I've had a couple of guys in there so that God can share what he's given them and what they're doing to be encouraging to someone else who might have gone through a difficult time in their marriage. Or maybe they have a parenting question or just something fun. Like, I've always wanted to travel a lot, I'm afraid.

So providing this positive content through the lens of what God is doing and just was talking. And so I just jumped in and I just did it. A lot of youtube videos. I promised my husband, I said, cause I have a lot of um, look, little hobbies. I like to start [inaudible] yeah. And so, um, I knew he was going to be like, oh no, it was how much money is this going to cost me? He said, Nope, I'm just going to figure it out on my own.

And in fact that Youtube, and this is a beautiful set that she has here, but I had ordered some Omaha steaks and they come in this beautiful big cooler that was sitting in the garage and start from cooler. Did I use that when we were recording? You did. Yes. And I was like, I remember that this will capture the sound. I ordered a cheap mic on Amazon and that was my traveling studio. Would it kind of, and I kind of still have that.

And so, um, anyway, I just jumped in and again, it was getting past that. I think you get to an age in life where you're like, it doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't have to be perfect. Just jump in. I need to hear that. It doesn't have to be perfectly, it's hard for the perfectionist. Right, right. I like how you were willing to finally just pressed through. Yes. And because you are driven out of wanting to obey God's voice. Right. Right. And that you just can't help it.

I couldn't, and I thought, again, I thought this isn't going away and God is kind and he's gracious. He wasn't like hit me over the head and that kind of stuff. What I felt like it was this more like, okay, you know, when are you going to start doing and trust me that you know, you just say yes and take that step and I will provide the information that you need. I'll give you the tools that you need.

He's brought the guests like I went through literally all my friends, even the people that couldn't say my name and have them on as guests just because I feel like everybody has something, you know, it's great if I would've got Beth Moore, you know, as my first guess, but someone had reminded me and they said it, and Beth would be wonderful. Beth, if you're listening, you know, welcome. Yeah. Um, but everybody has a story. Everybody has something to share.

And I didn't want just like, oh, I want the headliner people. I wanted everybody that I know that we can talk about what God is doing in your life, what gifting do you have, what can you do to inspire someone? And it's been that way and God is just provided.

You know what it sounds like though, at some point for you, you pressing through your identity and your identity in Christ somehow, it sounds like it's, it's helped you at nourished you enough to Orleans press you to like, I'm going to do this even if you didn't think your voice mattered at one point. That right. It sounds like God's been doing a healing process and changing and shifting a mindset that you had.

So I said maybe that's if it's nursing can be, it might be nursing to someone else. And so that's the format. And I've had some people say like, Ooh, an hour, that's kind of long, but for me, that's when a woman can really get deep into what's in her heart, whether it's maybe something that she's writing or struggle that she's had. And so I've just tried to do what was natural to me and it seems to be working, it seems to be a blessing to at least a few people

I think it helps to solidify and have people support what you're doing, you know? And I think, I think that's what we want to really, um, I wanted to highlight too with, with Kim's life is I remember her when she, I would go over, I remember talking and asking you about, you know, what's God's calling you to do. I think that we have to be bold enough though with each other is keeping each other accountable and supporting and cheering each other on.

You know, that's one thing is she does a podcast. Like we're doing a podcast, but I'm, I'm not competing. I want to compliment what Kim's doing because she does to be able to bring, basically allow for a voice of those women. Each of the people that I've seen you have on there, it's great. I love to hear it.

It's different characters and you get to here like wow, I never knew and how, how would we, if you didn't open up the door and give somebody that your spring someone on to be able to walk out and identify and really rejoice in what God has done for them. And that's the beauty I think of what your podcast is allowed.

It's more than just hearing their story but empowers them to realize, oh well I have done something significant or I've gotten through or have survived or I've, I do have something worth sharing with the world. Because I remember even as we're growing up as, um, with, with kids, I always was wanting to find out all the stories of what every mom was doing with their children. So I try it every week. It was like, okay, it didn't work this week but this idea works.

And I that community of talking with parents and getting ideas because it's fluid always changing. You don't know what's going to happen. Uh, it helps us when we recognize some, somebody else has the same struggle. I mean, what do you feel like for you in that place of obedience in the last, um, since you began, what has god been showing or drawing you in? What's your goals? What do you plan on doing in the future with it? Well I,

I put the board hears and so it has been, I need to start documenting it because I've had people that I haven't like heard from in maybe we used to go to church together years ago and they'll shoot me a private message or someone that's a listener that has found a way to get ahold of me through my website or something. Tell me what that particular guests that I had that week. I had one, um, we did one on suicide. I had a friend that she wanted to be able to share about her.

Her story of being a suicide survivor. Yeah. And then I think it was two nights later, I had a guy who's a wife, his wife is listener and he happened to listen and he said that podcast literally this week helped me to intervene in a friend of ours that was suicidal. So, and that was the, I woke up that morning and he had written that in the middle of the night. And so the Lord just keep sending me those, like if I haven't told you to stop.

And I think about this, when my daughter went to take her driver's test, here's none of those practical applications. Um, she was doing it through a private driving school here, Oklahoma driving school. And um, so she had her lessons. So, so the Saturday she had the practice drive and they said, here's how they're going to test you. And so that we get to the test the next day and the guy before he starts at, here's what I asking you to do, I'm going to tell you to do a few things.

He said, just keep going until I tell you to do something different. Don't go do I turn down? Do I turn, not director and I'll [inaudible] you want me to stop? He said, I'll let you know. And the Lord spoke to me and said, I will let you know when it's time to stop, when it's time to do something different, just keep going in what I told you to do. So I'm just driving. I'm like, Lord, should we be stopping or slowing down? And he's just, nope, just keep going.

And so that was such a lesson to me is I was afraid to do it. I'm still afraid to do, I mean we all get nervous before doing that thing, but that doesn't mean that it was the wrong thing. And the Lord just keeps reminding me. He does it every day. Go good cafe job. He's just like, just trust me and I will let you know when it's time to change. And so I'm just, you know, letting myself dream a little bit.

Now that I've got two years going and just dreaming a little bit more about what I want to do with it. And like I told my husband, can I buy a new microphone now because I've been been faithful. I happen. Yeah, more time. Yes. It's not like when I was like scrapbooking and then it's like, oh, I don't do that anymore kind of thing that's been there, done that too. Right? So he's like, oh, I think this is a, well, it's going to stick around.

So I'm just excited to start dreaming and let the Lord like, okay, if you've been faithful, miss, maybe try this. And so I'm just kind of waiting. But I love it. I get so nourished just hearing from, like you said, everyday women and I, you know, if anybody doesn't let, listen, I have, and I'm just, I come off of those recording sessions just on a cloud because I'm so inspired and have given someone a platform where they're normally nobody would ever, you want me to share.

And I've had a couple people that have believed the lie like I have. Right? I don't have anything to share. Why would you want me on? I don't know. To know. It's so like declined and I respect that. That's fine. But to go like, no, you do have a story. Yes you do. And an hour goes fine. They're like, we talked for an hour about what God has done in my life. Yes. Yes. And so I, I mean, the payoff and that alone is fantastic. It's monumental what

She felt something that Paul her and it was over time, she was wanting to know God's voice and having it confirmed. And, and I think what we want to encourage you to is tell that you know, that will you can trust that will encourage you. You know, sometimes I've asked, spewed out my dreams and all of a sudden somebody will crush it. I'm like, okay, whoops. Be careful who you share it with and prayerfully consider who will be your cheerleader to be the one that will encourage you.

Like to walk it out. Because I would only want to see you go into a new place, even not just with your podcast, but allow you to dream big. I mean we have an incredible big God who desires for us to be able to flourish and mean. And that's where you are nourishing the people from with giving them individually the power. But the people will get to hear the message. So I think that the beauty of what God has done through this and your obedience, that you are only beginning to see the fruit of it.

And I really want to encourage you out there to, to, to go to her, go onto the iTunes and Spotify and look for nourish. And then that way you can, you can have a, I'm not sure how many you have now. That's 70, 80 episodes every be five or six. Okay. Yeah. Um, you have a lot to listen to you incredible. What a variety of incredible people that you can hear their stories. And I hope that it will really encourage you with what Kim has done.

She has listened to God's voice and obeyed God's voice and she's still even in the process, you know, God is still doing something beautiful in your life. And so we want to encourage you to stay in tune with us by subscribing to not only our podcast, but also with Kim's podcasts with nourish. And not only that, but go to our Facebook and, B, make sure you like us.

Go to her website at Kim is Kim [inaudible] dot com [inaudible] dot com I want to make sure it.com cause ours.net I'll refresh.net but for her, it's dot com and make sure you just connect with her and get to hear a lot of more amazing stories. And we want to hear more about what you have overcome in your life. So make sure you connect with us. And until next time, go change your world.