#80 | Define Your Values (with Ken Larson)

Hello, it's Brie, your host, and welcome back to Into the Story. This is a podcast for true personal stories that help us learn how to communicate, especially in the moments that matter most. There are natural moments in life when we pause and reflect before a big change, after a difficult moment, or simply when we feel ready for a reset. This story is for those moments. It's an invitation to stop and ask yourself, what is most important to me? Today's storyteller is Ken Larson.

a performance coach, keynote speaker, and the CEO of Champion Performance Systems. He is a former Canadian national basketball team player. And in this story, he takes us to a time when his identity as an athlete and a high performer suddenly changed. And he started asking himself, A different question. Not what do I do next, but who am I really? I grew up as a basketball player and that's who I was. And then I couldn't play anymore so I became a coach and that's who I was. And now I'm going...

Okay, who am I? This story is for anyone who is ready to get clear about who they are and what they really want. Okay, let's get into the story. I had received an offer to accept the job here in Calgary, Alberta, to be an athletic director at a local college. And it was the college that was the best in the whole country.

as far as athletic performance is concerned. So I was quite proud that I got selected amongst all the candidates. So I started out the job and things are going pretty well, at least I thought. We were about 16 months in. And my boss calls me to his office and says, Ken, I don't think this is going to work out. And we're going to end your contract. And we're going to pay you out two months. And your last day is today.

Oh, okay. They had a staff member from HR walk me down to my office and, Ken, grab your things. We're going to walk you to the door. And I'm going, wow. high security or what and what was interesting is when i got there 16 months earlier i had a box of all my personal stuff that i was going to decorate my desk and my walls and stuff i had never opened it

which I found interesting. So I basically just picked up this box and the staff member just walked me to the door and didn't say a word. And I walk out of the door and I'm standing in the parking lot. I'm in shock. I go sit in my car, and I sat there probably for about a good hour. And I'm totally confused, confusion. My mind is all over the place. My heart's upset. And I just sat there for about a good hour.

And, you know, what was going on in my head was, now what? So it took me probably, Bree, probably took me almost a good six months. to recover from that. It was a blow to my ego. It was a blow to my identity. You know, I grew up as a basketball player and that's who I was. And then I couldn't play anymore. So I became a coach and that's who I was. And then I moved on. I was an athletic director and that's who I was. And now I'm going, okay.

Who am I? Can you just tell us a little bit more about that? What level were you playing at? How serious of a player were you? Yeah, thank you. I grew up on Vancouver Island in British Columbia. In high school, I was 6'7 and 170 pounds. They called me the human hockey stick. I thought I had no hope.

My hope was to make the NBA. And then I got recruited to Simon Fraser and where one of my teammates was Terry Fox. And I'm not sure if that name will ring a bell with your listeners, but people should look that one up. And then I transferred back to the University of Victoria. But while I was at Simon Fraser, I made the junior national team. So I got to represent Canada as a junior. And then I made the team again in 81.

And I played on the team from 81 through to 84. So I got to play for Canada for four years. And then I also played at University of Victoria where we won seven national championships in a row. So the level of athleticism that I was at was very, very high. It was the highest in the country. And that level of excellence, of course.

props up my level of identity. And then, of course, moving from that to the coaching world, took that level of intensity and expectation of excellence with me and did the same thing as a coach. We won. We won lots. And that was great. And then moving on to Mount Royal as being the epitome of athletic program in the country. Again, it was the highest level of excellence.

so i was always used to these high levels of excellence and expectations that go along with that yeah and i think anyone who's gone through an identity shift you know, a change going from being one thing to being another thing. There is this period of time where you feel lost and you're looking, or maybe not even lost, but just looking for who am I? Where?

Where do I bring value to the world? What is my worth? So explain to us that six-month period of, you know, from being walked out of your job to trying to find what was next.

what was happening at that time. Yeah, it was, you know, I look back and it was interesting that I needed, I needed some time to think about it, but I didn't, I just jumped right back in. So I did some. strategic planning for organizations, which I've been doing kind of off the cuff for a while. I did some keynote speaking. I started my own business. I wanted to, I called myself unemployable.

and i wanted to start my own business so i started that but i was floundering and luckily my wife had a good job and we managed to make ends meet And then at the end, I wouldn't say six months, but a little bit past that, and I'm floundering. I have no idea who I am. I just need to get out there and make some money. And then I got offered a job with a career marketing company.

through a friend here in town. And he wanted to take his business to Arizona. And he said, can I need someone to run the Canadian office here in Calgary? And I said, yes, absolutely. So all of a sudden, I'm in the corporate world. I'm putting on a suit and tie every morning. You know, as a basketball player and as a coach, I'm never wearing a suit and tie except for a game. So that was odd. I got up really early. I didn't work out, which was a problem in time.

And I would race downtown, find a parking spot in Calgary, which is almost impossible, and then spend probably a good 10 hours at this job trying to make it work. And my sense of self-worth was taken a hit because it wasn't working very well. And here I was trying to attach my identity to this new job. And I'm going to take this place to the moon and all that.

and it was really dragging me down it was really really difficult i was there probably about a good i don't know five or six months then tried to get a handle on my life and i hired my i hired a personal trainer his first name was scott And I've known Scott for quite some time. To being downtown, I had to go to a downtown gym. So I'm about five or six months in.

I'm getting up early. I'm drinking coffee all day long. I'm hardly eating. I'm just buzzing and just wired the whole time trying to make this thing work. And then I wouldn't go home till, I don't know, six, maybe seven, snarf down some food that... was not good for me and then i'm off to bed and it was hard because i had a little one nikki was i don't know four or five at the time and i wasn't spending any time with her never mind my wife

And I was driving myself into the ground. Scott says, let's get your workouts going again. I'm going, okay. So I said, okay, I'll meet you at the local gym. It's halfway across town. Come on over at lunch. We'll get some lunchtime workouts in. okay great so i got a few in and it started to feel a little bit better and then this one day i was really low on on food i was jacked up on caffeine and i was late so now i'm panicking

So I'm getting across town. I'm running into the gym. I'm getting dressed as fast as I can. I get on the gym floor. So I'm just absolutely wired. And Scott, I had played a practical joke on Scott some time ago, and he was going to get me back. So I'm going to bring it on. So we get into the gym, and in this one particular set, he wanted me to do some leg press. So if you can visualize that, I'm sitting, and I'm pressing up at a 45-degree angle, and he's potting the weights on.

And as he's piling the weights on, he's piling on way more than I've ever lifted. And I'm looking at both sides of the rack and he's got like four plates on each side, five plates. I'm looking at him going, really? And he goes, yep. I go, okay. so i go bring it on baby so i did a set i forget how many reps i did but i really really pushed hard and he said okay get a drink we'll go to the next one so i got up

And I went to go get a drink. And as I'm drinking, I feel something in my head and my eyes start to cross. Now, I can cross my eyes for you on screen right now, but it's not very pretty. So I won't do that. But my eyes crossed and I just closed my eyes and I stood up and I thought, okay, I'll just wait a couple minutes, a couple seconds here and they'll go back. And I waited and I waited and I opened my eyes and they were still crossed.

And now I start to get dizzy every time I open my eyes. Scott's all worried. What's going on? What's going on? I go, I got to lay down. I got to lay down. So I lay down and I'm on my back. And every time I open my eyes, they're still crossed. They're not coming back. So he goes and gets some orange juice, get a little carbs in me. Maybe I'm just low on carbs. That didn't help. And what are you thinking at this time as you're laying on the gym floor? Are you...

Thinking, ah, I just pushed too hard. Are you thinking the worst? Something is very wrong? What's going through your mind? Well, I'm used to pushing a lot of weights. I'm thinking that I'm just low on fuel. My body's reaction is just across my eyes. So I wasn't that worried about it at the time. But Scott was more worried than me. And his worry kind of leaked into my worry. I'm going, okay, something's going on here.

So he calls EMS and we're on the fourth floor of a building and there's an elevator. And it was quite funny. Scott reminded me and I did open my eyes and see it.

is the door opens and out comes the ems workers and their two women who couldn't have been five foot five i'm six seven they have a stretcher and the no way there's no way the stretch is going to fit in this elevator and it was kind of humorous everyone's kind of chuckling going here's this huge guy so they couldn't get me on the stretcher so they're holding my hands

So my eyes are closed and I'm being led by them. Okay, we've got a little lip here. Okay, we've got a stare here. We've got a stare there. And I'm just following, holding these two women's hands. And I'm sure people were laughing at the size difference. We get in the ambulance and I have to keep my eyes closed because every time I open them, I get really, really dizzy and I start to get nauseous.

Well, I had them closed and the ambulance ride wasn't fun. You know, hitting all the bumpy roads here in Calgary and I'm starting to get nauseous. So luckily we got there in time before, you know, something happened. And they shuttle me to the 11th floor where the neurological unit is. And they put me in this room that was on the corner, southwest corner, and a beautiful big window. No roommate, so I'm by myself.

and a beautiful view of the Rocky Mountains. Of course, I couldn't see them at the time because my eyes were still crossed. So the doctors come in, and I was there for a week. the doctors ran every test known to mankind on my brain and the rest of my body to try to figure out what happened. As the week went on,

my eyes started to come back a little bit so I could open my eyes a little bit. And about the third day in, they were straight again and I could see. So that was a bit of relief, but they were still doing tests. So I'm laying there in bed. Now I'm starting to think about life. And I reflected back on my path and what got me there. And I came to the realization that...

I can't keep doing this. Something has to change. My body was sending me a message that I could no longer ignore. And of course, the body is very smart. And I'm laying there and I'm wondering, okay. And my mind's all over the place. I'm a journaler. I love to journal. I pulled my journal out and just started writing. And the question came to me in my head, okay, I have to figure out what matters, what's important to me.

before I can decide what I'm going to do. That was an aha moment. Instead of do, do, do, I needed to realize who am I first before I can channel that to doing something. And that was a big epiphany. So I write and I write and I write. And I'm getting a little more clarity as I go. I'm talking to my visitors who are coming in about this and about that.

And I was writing one day, I think it was about day five, and my wife and daughter came in to visit. And they go, what's wrong? I'm in tears. I had just got... excuse me, this massive aha moment that really rocked me going, wow, I had no idea. So I'd gone through this exercise of figuring out what my core values are. what really matters to me most and writing about it, writing about it. And all of a sudden things just started to come together and I lost, I lost control. I just started to cry.

And of course, looking out at the mountains that whole time makes me really, really easy to think when I have long sight lines and you can see the beautiful Rocky Mountains here in Canada. And wow. So I told my wife and daughter, I'm good. I'm good. You know, that kind of thing. And it was fascinating. And at the end of the seven days I was there, I'll never forget this. The doctor says, Kent, well.

As you know, we've done all these tests on you. I want to show you something. So he takes me down the hall and he shows me a picture, an MRI of my brain. And he goes, and I'll never forget this word because I remind people of it. He says, Ken. We can't figure out what's going on. Your brain is in pristine condition. And I'm going, pristine? I've heard my brain called a lot of things, Brie, but not pristine. So I had to laugh at that.

So I leave the hospital and I'm going, okay, now what? Well, at least I know what I want. And what? What was it? Do you mind sharing with us? What are your core values? I don't mind sharing at all. In fact, I'm quite proud of them. You know, I had a coach a long time ago who says, don't tell anybody what your goals are because the people will just laugh at you and tell you you can't do that.

I'm going, no, no, no. I'm going to tell people what matters more to me. In fact, it helps reaffirm those with me rather than forgetting them. So I don't mind sharing it all. And they're not exactly an order of priority. They kind of are. But the first one for me is health. And I heard a phrase years ago that said you might think you have a thousand problems, but if you don't have your health, you only really have one problem.

And I thought, wow, that was huge for me. So I define health as mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, financial, relational, any way you want to look at it. And I look at all of those. to make sure that I'm living as healthy as I can. Second one is connection. And connection to me is connecting with myself first and foremost, connecting with my higher power, how I define that.

I'm not sure how other people define it, but I have the way I do. Connecting with others, connecting with family, friends, relationships, clients, connecting with nature. connecting with a good book, maybe a great song. I love to play the drums. I'm really bad at it, but I love to play the drums, connecting with the song, the beat, the rhythm of life.

So to me, connection goes in all kinds of different directions. And then my third one is excellence. And having been in areas of my life where excellence was such a high level, I believe that anything... worth doing is worth doing well so when i'm focusing on either business or relationships or my health or whatever it is i want to do it as well as i can in fact this morning in my workout

I was supposed to do a certain number of reps with weights. And I thought, you know what? I'm going to step it up a bit. And I added an extra couple of pounds on and still got it done. And to put that weight down going, ah. I'm living to that level. Hard to do every day, but I work at that. My fourth one is contribution. And I heard a great phrase a long time ago that contribution becomes us.

I want to make a difference in life. And I think that's why we're part of the reason why we're on this planet is to make a contribution to people's lives. So I try to think about that during the day. How can I contribute? And the last one is freedom. And I remember being in those jobs that I've had in the past, and I didn't feel like I had any kind of latitude to be free to make choices on what to do, how to think, who to be with. So freedom is a really, really big one for me.

And so for you, during your hospital stay or near the end of your hospital stay, you defined these. And then was it relatively maybe not easy, but at least linear?

once you defined these core values to find what was next? There's be, have, and do. And I was so focused on doing, I forgot how to be. I was doing in order to have. And then I realized that be is more important than that. And when I know how to be myself, my true authentic self, the do will just come naturally. And the have will just be the result of that.

You know, my coaches back when I played on the national team and with you, Vic, never talked about winning. They never talked about having the win and the prize. They just talked about playing the game the best you can. So as time went on... and I was more solid with my values and what really mattered to me, my purpose started to evolve. My vision for what I wanted in the rest of my life started to evolve. It would not have done that had I not figured out.

who i am and what really matters to me and then my career started to evolve i went back to school i finished off my master's in sports psych i went back to school and became a certified executive coach next thing you know I'm running my own business and now coach executives, CEOs, presidents, owners of businesses anywhere from millions to billions. And I get to sit down. I get to.

act all day long as a healthy person, make healthy choices. I get to connect with people that make a difference. So I'm contributing by extension. I'm doing the best I can. I'm reading, I'm writing, I'm staying up to date with these things the best I can. And then I take Fridays off and that's an exercise in freedom. So I get to lay in bed at night and I do and I reflect and I just think.

How did I live my values today? And more often than not, I'm proud to say I'm either four to five or five out of five pretty much every night. And that puts me in position to sleep very, very well. And that's where we're going to leave Ken's story today. He did go on to build a new career, a new identity, and a new life. But it all started with that one question. What matters most?

And in next week's bonus episode, Ken takes us through how to uncover core values and how one question can help us find them. If you'd like to connect with Ken Larson or learn more about the work he does, you can find him on LinkedIn or visit his website at championpsi.com. I will leave you links in the show notes. And if you use English at work and want to speak in a way that makes people listen, you can join my newsletter.

at intostory.com. That's where I share tools, stories, and ideas to help you communicate with impact, especially in high stakes, high pressure moments. Thank you so much for listening today. Until next time, I hope that you have a good time, or at least a good story to tell.