Hey, guys, it's Jana and I am back with my bestie Pam, and we are going to talk all things dating and how it's going.
For my girl.
All right, girl, let's dive back into our convo. So whenever I ever get someone that DMS me about them going through divorce, I'm so sad for them because I know the feeling and we know how awful it is. But I always end it with and I'm so excited for you because there's going to be a brighter version, a lighter version of yourself. You get to fall in love again, you get to receive what you really deserve and not settle for less. But that doesn't mean that
it's not hard in the process. And that is what we continue on with this conversation, and you know, in our walks and our talks, and that's why you know, I'm excited talk to you about it because it is. Dating isn't easy, no, but it doesn't have to be horrible exactly. So I think there's the ebbs and the flows right, So for you now that you have because how many years now has it been too? Two years? So you're two years divorced. When do you think actually
it's appropriate to start dating again. I never really follow timelines. Yeah, I think it's like a feeling thing. But well, I think you have to be honest with yourself.
I think, you know, like are we dating to mask feelings and not processing things?
You know? Or maybe you know.
Somebody truly that you would really you know, like really want to be in a relationship just happened to come into your life at you know, maybe the two month mark. I mean, I don't think there's like I don't like to ever put timelines on it like that either. For me, I didn't even really think about it, like when I was getting divorced, and then like months and months after, I didn't even really.
Again.
I was just like so focused on my growing my company and my kids and traveling, like that's kind of that's what I did. I didn't jump into dating. I jumped into travel, right, that was my.
That's what I did.
And so I don't have an answer for that. For me, it was it was a while, I mean, my goodness, oh well eight months maybe or something. And it was because of you anyway that even prompted me to entertain anything, you know, So I probably wouldn't have like started until later.
Well, I just because I think it's one of those things, like we said early on, it's it's a bit of a numbers game, but it's also go out there and feel the feelings of a big second. Like I when I started dating, I was like, oh wow, people think I'm actually I don't. Yeah, you know, I'm sure there's this well feeling you get post divorce.
Yeah, I mean, and sometimes you do need like a stroke of your ego. I guess right after you know, kind of a long you know, marriage or whatever. And I whenever I did kind of start dating, I was ready sure, like I felt good about it. I felt, you know, just in a positive light. And I was excited because for me, the type of energy I'm going to put into something is exactly what I'm going to get out of it. So I am never going to be like this sucks.
Men are awful.
My gosh, dating like that will never come out of my mouth. I actually love it. I love men. I think they're amazing. I think that I am learning something about myself every time I talk to or go on a date with somebody, and that is what I take away from it.
So I I think it's fun and we have some loaves with it.
What are the lows?
Do you think that I've said, I it's it's discouraging right at times, because it's.
I mean, I don't know, is it so the last date maybe.
Oh hey, but discouraging discouraging. I mean that was an amazing date, sure shot. So you did send me a text that was like, I'm like this sucks. Yeah, well okay, but let me explain this to everybody. So I have not had any type of bad experience at all. Okay, I feel like, you know, any man that I've talked to or have been on a date with.
Or jumped off boats, I mean that one. Oh lord, Okay, moving on. So I I think I can, you know, sniff them out pretty good. So I've I've.
Only I've only had really interesting men that like are doing really cool things and I'm super intrigued by. So that's been great to like see that you know, this whole different world out there, because when you're married for ten years, you know, you don't you're not exploring that you don't know. And so that's been a blessing for me. Is just like whoa, you know, like this is super refreshing.
This this can be fun and just kind of evolving, you know, and learning from each one of them, the little things I want to take away from each one of them. I mean, you know, try to write, You're trying to piece them all together to find like this magic person. I think that's where I'm at that I haven't had anything bad. It's just hasn't been like.
The but die.
Do you have moments where you wonder if you'll ever find love again?
No? No, m so you believe that you will one.
And what is because there's times when we walk and you're like, I don't want to have I don't need to have. I don't need to get married again. I don't need So it's like, well that's true.
I mean that's.
Exactly though, because when you're like the other day you just said, but what do I want?
Right?
I mean, so what do you want? So here's the deal.
I one thousand percent am so freaking happy in my life, Like I really.
I could find a word for you. It's joyful. Feel like I hit the jackpot. I am.
You know, I have this company that fills me with such joy and you know, inspiration, and that continues to grow. I have these beautiful children, I have the most amazing friendships. My family's so freaking great. You know, I get to travel, I get to have all of these beautiful experiences. So when I tell you I'm at a high, I'm really at a high. But that doesn't mean that I don't have space or that I don't necessarily want somebody to
elevate me even higher, Like can I think? Do I think that I can be even that much happier with an amazing partner?
I do?
I want, I totally do, and I do want that. However, if it's not that I'm not doing it, I don't have to do it. I don't I don't need it. I want it, Yeah, but I really don't mean I'm I'm happy at my home on a Saturday night with music and the good book.
Right.
I think it's important too, because there's no point in settling when it like I would have never settled again, because what is the point I have too beautiful, I had two beautiful children. I would rather be alone than be in an unhappy marriage again, because we know how that feels to be in an unhappy marriage, and then why go through that again if it's not the right person I know?
And that's just where I feel so powerful and so like honestly in control of it, and I just think there's something to be said about It's this combination of divorced mom energy and perimounopausal type of situation that.
Is like the most powerful thing I've ever experienced in my life. It's it causes you to.
Ask for what you want, not give a sh what people think, and just kind of you're coming into your own honestly, and it's the best place to be. If I could bottle it up and sell this feeling that I have.
Right now, it would be billionaires.
What is your biggest when you now that you're in the dating world again? What is what do you love the most about it and what defeats you from it?
Well? Is it that it's Rayahs the worst? Or no? I mean, oh my gosh it on that one. Yes, you did.
And that's all that I've between, you know, friends introducing me to people and Raya And that's really all there is. I don't go out much, so I'm not meet somebody you know at a bar, so I think that's the thing right where. Okay, So now you're a mom, you know you're trying to run this you know, house by yourself and you're you know, working and doing all the things. It's challenging to find the time to put forth you know,
the effort. So I think that's that's really hard. So that's what's discouraging a little bit, because we can just talk about what happened. I'm like, all right, when's your second day? You're like, I've got a volleyball game here, a softball game there, and then I got the kids and then it's just like and then my business and it's like when you know, it's so that is super challenging and it's definitely a thing. But I have to believe that there are men out there with the exact same problem as me.
And are you know, willing to maybe be.
A little bit like non traditional in their approach to I do Part two right right?
What has been like? What gives you the most eck on a date? Oh? Lord? Dating in your forties? What is the eckiest thing?
You know?
The funny thing about x or is that they can just come out of nowhere. I mean you are like, whoa what? I was totally.
Vibing with you and you said one thing and I'm done.
I'm out, Like.
You said, you like it all inclusive, and I'm auty five hundred.
It can happen that quick, and.
So's it's a scary place sometimes because you're like, whoa where I'm like, from girl, I love it all inclusive.
Let's do that.
I am such a detailed, curated, experiential person, Like if I'm leaving my house and I'm traveling, it's going to be perfectly curated. And yeah, boutiky. But anyway, we digressed.
Yes, So the biggest.
Ick, Oh, I have a couple actually, so listen up. Dudes getting drunk are having more than like two glasses of wine or a cocktail. I mean, I remember I was on a date and we were I was there for fifty minutes because I couldn't stand the guy once I got there, and so I was, you know, trying to kind of like move it fast, and in fifty minutes he had three cocktails on a Tuesday night.
It's just I'm just not about that.
I don't like it. It's a total ick to me. Yeah, like just getting drunk in general at this age. You know, I'm forty six years old, I'm you know, dating my age or older. I just it's just not something that I want to be in that environment. Totally cool if you do and that's what you love to do in
your spare time, it's not. I mean, well, I enjoy like a you know, amazing glass of wine with somebody on a date, of course, but I don't like if alcohol is the driving force, yeah, or like their identity or something that has to be done all the time.
I just do not like that. Is there height requirements? Oh? I feel so bad when I say stuff because it's just.
You know, I do know, I mean, I definitely do, but I hate to hate to say it aloud.
I think. I just think there's so many you know, I think.
If you're gonna be again, you know, picking the one, it's I never liked dating shorter guys, and I couldn't.
I tried.
I totally tried, but I just I like a dude that's taller than me and I'm five four, so that's really not asking for a lot. But I did try, and someone was like he was like maybe maybe five four, maybe five five, five five, And I was like, I just can't.
Do it, right. So I think though at this point, maybe that makes me shallow. No, I don't know, not at all.
I mean my whole life, I've you know, it's been very tall men. But what I am learning, and.
This is a this is a process.
I mean I am learning what gets me going and what I like and you know, the type of feeling I want.
And so.
I think there's a world where I could totally you know, fall for somebody if they weren't you know, so tall, if like I had this amazing feeling and it was like supportive and there was beautiful communication, and you know I was attracted to you. I think it all comes down to attraction really, so but typically you know, I've dated like six foot and above. Yeah, just if we
were going off of charts of past relationships. I mean my ex husband was actually the smallest, I mean the smallest, the shortest person that I ever.
He was six foot right.
And again I think if as long as you have that attraction, yeah, it's the attraction for me, you know that, And I'd like to wear like a small hell yeah, no, I do people make it work. I mean there's I totally for our name, but I follow her on socials. I mean she's taller than her husband, you know, but again, they're attracted to each other and it's not.
Yeah, I don't think any of it. It's like a hard no for me.
Sure you mention older, like dating guys your age and then older, would you ever go younger?
Everybody?
You are quite the cougar whom I you could be. Well, everybody always asks me that, and they certainly are.
They love Pam. Yeah.
The younger are bold. I mean they are bold. They are communicative, which I totally appreciate. I do love a good bold, you know, subtle, swaggy type of person. But I never dated younger ever, And I just I don't know why. I think maybe there's a couple like things that are happening in my brain where I'm like, they want kids?
The kid train is l Yeah, so you've got two.
Kids, two kids, right, so but you know, I'm like, you know, do they want a child of their own? And then I kind of would feel, you know, like guilty about that. So I think there's a little bit of that. And I've just I really like an older sophistication. But I am telling you these younger men coming up, I mean they have some tools like with communication and awareness and evolving and you know, really kind of like tuning into a woman that is admirable and exciting, and so.
I just.
Really haven't gone there yet because I really do. I'm super intentional, and I probably think too much.
Do you want to get married again? I don't know if I have to get married.
I mean I am open to you know that, But I don't think that it's something that is like on the top of my of my list of feeling like I've found the one in order, you know, to marry them, Like I don't.
I don't have to do that. Do I want like this.
Beautiful, long term, monogamous, exceptional relationship? Yes?
Right, And listen, dudes, they don't have You don't have to live here in Nashville like she's she loves traveling.
No, I've never.
Like seriously dated anybody in Nashville. I actually maybe prefer not.
Nothing wrong with that. Would you sign a brain up if you did get married? Yeah?
I feel like at our age, it's like, yeah, I have my I'm good. Talk to us about your business.
Okay, Well, I have a health and wellness coaching company that is global. It can reach anybody because it is.
Virtual.
I have my own app, and I am really focused on transforming women's bodies minds and spirits really in the forty plus h group through weight training and nutrition and you know, got health and mindset and I am I mean I could cry thinking about how grateful I am that I'm in this space, that I was able to develop this company and grow it to where it is and now, you know, just continue to scale it. I don't know what I would have done without it.
Yeah, I mean it was and hey, I went through the program. It's a great program. Helped me get my body back from yeah, from pregnancy or you know, from being pregnant and everything. So but also what I learned too about foods.
And sure and an education.
Yeah.
And I think for you too, moving into your dating world, you need a man that supports your drive, lets you shine there because I don't know if you've had that. And then also that takes care of themselves, like you said, not drinking so much. Like you want someone that takes care of themselves.
Well, I just want them to first and foremost, like acknowledge the importance of being you know, fit in their body, mind and spirit. I mean, you know, you don't have to be you know, some big buff guy you know
at all. And I'm not even really into that, but I just yeah, I love the awareness and in people having like the understanding of why that's so important and how it's going to help with longevity and just making your life, Like living your life as optimally as possible is really my message, Like we don't want to just
feel okay, we wouldn't feel freaking amazing. And I want somebody to be on that journey with me so that when we're seventy eighty, like we can still be traveling through Europe together.
Speaking of traveling through Europe, what is your hope on this dating journey? Like, if you could go this is this is what I'd love to see in the end. I know you don't know if you want to get married or not, but because I feel like travel obviously is a huge piece of that. So you want someone that can be worldly, can go travel with you?
Yes, I.
You know, for me right now like what I visualize and I'm open to different things, but for me currently like what I'm capable of. Right we talk about what everybody else is capable, well cable, but what I'm capable of is maybe something that doesn't look so cut and dry, like you know, people are used to where there can be a beautiful relationship that doesn't have to be so
like in the same city. And so maybe like twenty four to seven right where it can be where we meet and we travel together and we support each other and we can see each other like you know, when we don't have our kids or whatever like timing that looks like because that's the reality with co parenting. I can't change that. You know, they have to be with their dad. They want to be with their dad, he
wants to be with them. And then I have space to, you know, either focus on my company or travel or do whatever I want to do.
And I take full advantage of that.
And so I think there's a world where it could be this amazing like non traditional view of partnership where I don't have to live in the same home as you twenty four to seven. I mean, could that overlap and would that be cool? Absolutely? But I don't think that, you know, it has to be so.
So full on.
Yeah, And I too, like for the you know, for people that are dating and I just did this little Google search here and I'm going to read in the sec but not to be discouraged because a lot of people are like, oh, this, you know, natural sucks for men or it's so hard. There's not men here and there are roughly google four billion men on Earth, slightly more than half of the planet's total population. So four billion men.
Oh yeah, I think. And again I met my husband.
He's was overseas, different different country, and so it's like the reality of your soulmate being in your same state. I'm like, you can go to any state. Yeah, And I know it's hard, right, So it's I love it. But it's like, maybe change your Googles or your dating search to a different city.
Just try it. Like I don't remember.
I was like, girl, try Dallas or try like who cares, you know, because I'm like, people will move if you find the right Only people that I've dated, why just are you? Why are you on a twenty five mile radius? Yeah, you're not going to find anybody twenty mi mal radius. No, I had to go overseas.
Yeah, I mean, do you see what I mean though, totally like, oh, that's what I do. I mean, that's exactly what I do.
I'm you know in Yeah, I mean the only people I've dated were La New York, you know, just not not here.
Not that I'm opposed to it.
It's just I think for Nashville, if I will say, it is more of a younger male demographic, sure, you know, I mean I live in Franklin, Tennessee. You guys, it's like the capital of beautiful families living in this dream of all you know, these wonderful moms and dads and kids, and so there's there's no I mean, there's no no single men really, right, so you got to look elsewhere. Best tip for dating, don't take everything so personal. I mean, who cares if somebody doesn't like you? Who cares if
they don't like you back? Who cares if they even don't call you back or ghost you? Like I Am never going to let somebody doing that affect like how I think about myself or that, or make me feel like I'm less than, are not worthy. I mean, there's the chances of there being a connection are really slim. I mean, that's why we have to keep trying and never give up hope. But not letting you know, some guy you barely know, dictate how you're going to feel and then go about your life.
It's it's just insane to me.
Such a good tip, I would say, that a tip that I've given you. Oh, I know, because we don't have a lot of time. We are mom, so we are busy girl FaceTime before you go on a date, because you will know pretty much if you're attracted on a FaceTime and if there's any sort of connection over a FaceTime and you're gonna not waste your time.
No, you've helped me for that for sure. I've I've definitely put that into my routine. You're awesome.
I gotta FaceTime you first because it's just really I mean, that's why I'm like, hmm, blind dates, You're just.
No, I'm not interested in a blind date.
I mean at this point, it's but what I think we should be interested in. What we should do is this summer we go to New York and we just you know, because you got it. You gotta get out right, got to get out, gotta gotta meet people. Let's just find little girls weekend and you know, to anyone listening pamelin, where can they find you? Flied into our DMS.
House of Pamelin on Instagram.
Famelin, you are the best things for being on the pod, sharing your experience. I love you so much and I know that you are going to get the ending that you deserve and the love that you've always deserved to have.
Thank you, Thank you, friend, I appreciate you.
Okay, so we're going to put some info up on our socials at I Do Part two pod, so you can see my gorgeous friend inside and out, and I want you to share it. So send it to your brothers, or your coworkers or your husband's best friends. And we're going to try and make an actual love connection because that is why we created this show. So let's help my bestie find her true love.
I love you.
Thank you again for just being open to chatting about this. I'm excited for your love journey and I'm glad you are actually taking me along on this process now not not how you deal with the divorce. So thank you and listeners. Are you like Pamelin and navigating after divorce? Call us and email us and maybe we'll work on setting you up next. I Do Part two and iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main objective. It the