Wait, how do you say that? Pataphysicist. Pataphysicist. Pata physicist. Just pata. Pata's fine. We've got. What the hell is a pataphysicist? So pataphysics is a philosophy joke, and it is basically the study of imaginary solutions. My degree is in philosophy, and I've always just used it. Excellent. I love it. Now I'm going to find a way to use pataphysicism. Pataphysicist in a conversation tomorrow for sure. A hundred percent. Or. I mean, so have you ever heard of a pataphore?
Oh. Ooh. It's like a metaphor, but taken a step further where it goes back to reality. So when I would go visit my parents out of state and I'd come back home, people would be like, oh, how your parents? I'd be like, oh, you know, kind of dinosaur. Like, you know, green, scaly, kind of loud. So, like, the metaphor is saying that they're dinosaur. Like, people are assuming old and grouchy, but then you bring it back to reality and describe an actual dinosaur. So that is. That is a
padophore. Wow. Okay. Well, AI says a padophore is a rhetorical device coined by Pa Lopez in 1991, which extends beyond metaphor by creating an entire new ontological layer rather than simply suggesting an analogy. So if somebody can explain that to me in the comments, please. Do. You need an AI to interpret the AI? We don't have anyone to explain because all the listeners stop listening to the episode already. Right.
We're talking about in the fictional universe of superheroes, what superheroes are intact, circumcised, or which ones would be restoring and who would be the best at restoring? Well, I think we need a drink for that Turkish restorer. What are you having tonight? I am having a whiskey. I wanted to get a beer to reflect Wolverine vibes. We ran out of beer, so I have whiskey. Okay. Pat, what are you having for the cocktail hour? I have a treehouse German style
marzen, which is a Oktoberfest beer. Man, that sounds wonderful. It is. Degiver, what are you having? I'm having envelope glue activator. Ooh, delicious. Of course you are. I'm drinking something strange tonight. My friend said, because I've been really sick of rum and Coke and I'm, like, bored with it. And he said, get some ginger ale and some grapefruit juice and put a shot of rum. And it is amazing. I'm loving it. Is that a paloma? I have no idea what it Is. But maybe I'm a malformed
Paloma. So. If you know what it is in the comments, we'd love to hear your opinion. Okay, well, we are talking about superheroes who may or may not be cut. Who's the first one that comes to your mind, Pat? Wolverine. Like, why Wolverine? Well, because his powers did to heal. So he was born in the 1800s. Mm. Probably intact, right? Probably, yeah. Probably. Yeah. But he's also been various religions. He's gone through all sorts of military stuff. He's lost his memory over and over
again. So there's a possibility that it happened at some point and he would have naturally just healed it on his own afterwards. So. Yeah. Would that be a spontaneous healing, or would it be, you know, like, he wakes up the next day and he's back to where. Spontaneous, of course. Man. Lucky guy. Now, there's something I wanted to ask about Wolverine in particular. If he was circumcised, but when he was a child,
because the. The mutant gene activates with puberty, does that mean that he would always revert back to being circumcised? Or when his mutant power kicks in, would he automatically regrow the foreskin? I would say that since he continued to mature to adulthood, that it doesn't really lock in his state at that age of puberty. So I would assume that if he were circumcised, that it would have grown back upon his mutant
powers coming around. Lucky again. Yeah. So what I'm hearing is that Wolverine is the luckiest man on the planet. Damn it. I mean, there's. There's Superman. Okay, well, let's talk about Superman. I have some thoughts on Superman. I'll let you go first. Well, so Superman born in what, like, I guess in comic book time? It would have been around in the 30s in Kansas. Oh, no. But he was born on Krypton. True. But he was sent to Earth as a baby.
So I would think that, you know, Pa and Ma Kent in Kansas, growing up on a farm with their, you know, Christian values and American values, that they probably would have at least tried and have him circumcised. He has the advantage that he gets his powers from the sun, which means as soon as he. See, he gets. He's open from the spacecraft. That means that he has the superpowers, which means they would not have been able to cut him the only time he. They probably tried.
Probably tried and could not do it. Now, if he had been cut on Krypton, with their red sun, he could have been. Could have Been explain that. How does that work? He didn't have powers when he was on Krypton. He was just basically like a normal human. I wanna see say we are no experts in the superhero genre, but we are lovers. That's why we have Pat. To enlighten us about the topic. But we asked on Reddit actually and some Reddit users gave very
interesting answers, I'm sure. Yeah, about Superman. In the 1978 Superman movie, there was a shot right after Kal El crash lands on Earth that we see him full frontal nude. And this is. We're talking about an actor that is five years old. So probably in the future releases the movie may have edited that out and he most definitely does not have a foreskin. This is the comment according to the movie that we saw, which I found to be very interesting. Obviously director did not consider, you know,
if this five year old kid is intact or not. But the director definitely wanted to show that five year old genitalia on camera. Low key, repulsive. But yeah, obviously it's. We're talking about an alien, which I will add that I personally did not check for aliens and animorphs like animals slash human creatures because animals are famously not circumcised. Aliens, famously. So, yeah. Well if we do cover animorphs, I've got some. This two interviews ago. That guy loves
animorphs and we did talk about that. So I can, I can talk about his theories about that. Please do. The animorphs, they were. It's based off of the genetics. So his hypothesis about this is that when you transform into a creature, it's based off the genetics. They go into the story that if you have a broken wing and a dove or something, and you transform into the dove, your wing
isn't broken. Which means that when you transform back into a person and in later books you can actually anamorph into other people by using their genetics, it goes back to the genetic default. But him being a trans guy, he said that that would be the worst thing for him because if he transformed back, he would go, all of his work would be gone. Everything he
did. But for all of us in the restoring community, all you'd have to do is transform into any other creature and then transform back to your genetic default and boom. Foreskin back seconds baby. Hot damn. Sorry. I'm gonna plug in Thundercats. And if we're considering them to be intact in the same case, I wonder if the male Thundercats like lion on Panthero have bones in their penises. No, That's a great question. We can only assume so. Yeah. I mean, if. If they're cats, they've got a cat penis.
Well, you have to wonder if they also have barbed penises too. They. Yeah, that's another thing about cat penises. I mean, we always have to wonder, is it like a BoJack Horseman situation that, like, from the neck to down, they're just people, or is it. They get random assortments of traits? I mean, the show sadly never goes into TV deals. Yeah, I don't know. They are, they're. What's it called when. Cats are digit degrade? Oh, yeah,
yeah. It's. They're like on their toes compared to. How humans walk, whereas the Thundercats are not. So I would assume that they are more humanoid. Interesting. Yeah, that's a nice twist. So, Hellboy, I'll bring up Hellboy, what do you think? Raised Christian, so it's kinda. And I don't really know his durability. So well, but he was raised Christian, but he started out in Europe. Yeah. I don't know. Were the Nazis big on odd circumcision? I wouldn't think so. They were definitely
not. Right. Still horrible people. He was found by the Thule Society. Right. So I would say probably intact. Nazis are huge fans of the Greek culture, ancient Greek culture. So I would assume that they are very passionate about the folks. Foreskin. Yeah, I. I would say probably intact. But you're the. You had brought up one just a minute ago about the Animorphs actually brought to mind. So the X Men just went through. They call it the Krakoan era now.
But basically they had wiped out death for mutants. Any mutants that died, they would just regrow them a body and Professor X would move their brains over or their minds over. So, like, that's simplified, but. So I think that there were a lot of X Men that probably started out circumcised that would have, when they regrew new bodies, been intact after. Whoa. Also, am I hearing pages being turned? Do you literally have a note? Oh, no, no, I don't have any. I don't have any notes or anything.
No, no, I was just thinking about it, just because. So Cyclops, for instance, a lot of people look at him as like, you know, the. The boy scout. But in more recent years, he's actually been a very revolutionary figure instead. So I think, for instance, with him that given the choice that he would have come back intact. But I very, very likely that he was circumcised as a child because you Know, growing up in the US in the 60s, like, he was
born in, what, the 50s. So now that brings up another character that I think definitely would be, if we're talking about X Men, Magneto. Yep. Definitely circumcised. Yep. Right. I mean, he. His origin story. Well, you probably. Well, so. But that, again, I. He's not big into his Jewish faith anymore. Like, he kind of sheds a lot of that. And he had his body regrown, too. As an adult, so Magneto intact. Now there's a very good chance of it.
Like, how many people are going to voluntarily perform genital mutilation on themselves as an adult? Like, I know it happens, but. Right. Although the irony is they wear these very tight costumes. We should be able to tell. Good point. Now I'm just picturing so many. Scenes being like, dude, you can't. No, this is a kids show. Come on. Have you read comics? Oh, I meant it in the. In the 90s adaptation where they had the Animated Series.
Well, I mean, we can actually check Batman. There's. Have you heard of Bat This is. This is a callback to a previous episode, but I wanted to correct something I had said before. I was wrong about horror horses and humans being the only mammals that don't have a bone in their penis. It turns out that bats and there are some other examples don't either. Spider monkeys. Oh, that. Yeah, that was one of the other ones. But, but, but Batman. Based on the canonical image of Batman
with his penis out, he is circumcised. Oh, that's. That's been a thing. Like when he was going to Lazarus Pit or something. It's from a comic called Batman Damned, and it was a whole big thing. They call it Bat Dick. It was just people were, hey, they showed a picture of Batman's penis. So when was that? Like, what year did they allow that to happen? This was about three years ago. Oh, my gosh.
Okay. Yeah. This would be the weirdest thing, but imagine if Bruce Wayne circumcised, but Batman intact. Yeah. And then of course, there's Spider man. And we know that Tom Holland was born in. In England, So the character who played Spider man almost certainly is intact. So I want to believe that all of the spider mans are also intact. Well, there are multiple universes, so we know Miles Morales is very likely intact from Puerto
Rico. And there's also a Mexican and Indian Spider man, so I think they are obviously intact as well. Also, I have seen Batman with foreskin, but I might be watching the wrong movie. Pornhub. Oh, well, I guess one spider person we know is intact. And that would be Anime Spider Man. Like the. There's been multiple anime Spider man, But you remember the 70s Spider man, where he has a giant robot? Probably intact. Probably. Leave it to Vice News to publish the definitive guide to superhero Dicks.
What? Oh, my God. Yes. Yes. Vice.com has a story called the the Definitive Guide to Superhero Dicks. It published in September 20, 2018. And so, on Wednesday, DC Comics finally answered the most pressing question of our time. What does Batman's dick look like? And so this apparently launched a whole. Investigation. Oh, my gosh. Is it a picture of, like, the silhouette? Yeah. Yep. That's Bat Dick. Right. Very impressive one at that. So let's see who else? Well, they're not going to draw him
with a small dick. I mean, come on, he's Batman. So for Superman, they agree with us. I don't think you could circumcise Superman if you tried, at least not on Earth. Oh, Robin. There's lots of. Oh, lots of people want to know about Robin. Depending on which Robin, that's either problematic or fine. Oh, this is interesting. Because Robin grew up in a family of circus performers. He might not have been circumcised as a baby. Oh, right.
Did circus performers got circumcised? Well, they would actually have babies on the circuit and didn't necessarily go to doctors or anything. So maybe. Aquaman. Yeah. Right. A foreskin is like a fin helping the sea hero glide through the ocean. And thus our sweet Aquaman is uncut. Was this written by intact America? No, sorry, a comment is from Atlantis, so I would assume Greek. Ish. Yes. Barry Allen is Jewish, so he's. He's definitely circumcised. Who? Barry Allen. The Flash. Oh, the Flash
is next. In Justice League, Barry Allen introduces himself to Batman as a nice Jewish boy. So we can safely assume he is circumcised. The question is, could Flash restore fast? Super fast. All right. It's a good question. Cyborg, she says the author of this article is a she. And she says from the looks of it, Cyborg doesn't even have a penis. Pat. I have a question for Pat. Yeah. You know, Flash is the fastest superhero ever, if I am not mistaken. What is. Does his human skin,
like, kind of recover? Because with that speed, it must be burning, so he must have some kind of healing or protection. If it is protection. Okay. But if it's healing, he can really super, super restore. He's got some sort of immunity to the effects of the Speed Force. So he's kind of shielded from any friction. But I do think that he does have enhanced healing, at least that he can give himself enhanced healing. So. But he's also like, being Jewish is a big part of his.
Of his character, so it's hard to say. We have had Jewish people on the show that are restoring, so it's. It would be. It's up in the air on the restoring question. Yeah. So the next two are definitely uncut. Thor. Right? Yeah, Thor, definitely. Definitely intense. And Black Panther. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I doubt about Black Panther because Wakanda doesn't exist. So I don't know about their circumcision
rituals. Well, so she writes, Wakanda is a high tech society too advanced for old traditions like circumcision America. Oh, you think we're advanced. Wow. Okay, this next one is a little complicated. The Hulk. I was thinking about the Hulk. So the Hulk heals, Banner doesn't so. Right. Oh, so does that mean Hulk intact, Banner circumcised, Possibly invested
in that idea? I. I kind of am. But I'm also pretty sure that when Hulk transforms back to Banner, that Banner's wounds are healed because of the Hulk's healing so. Intact both times. Well, he was. He became Hulk as an adult, as a scientist. So I don't think those wounds would heal. But that's a good point. No, no, he doesn't like his. Could be just putting him back to his base. Banner, which was when he got hit by the. By the gamma radiation. Is that still
the explanation? They. They go through different origin stories. Yeah, they still say that for Hulk. Okay. They throw in this whole other thing about the one below. All and all this sort of like the immortal Hulk is very good, but it is also very convoluted. All right, well, what do you think about Dr. Strange? I'm gonna say circumcised, definitely. Cut. So the Author here says Dr. Strange is for sure uncut. Would you trust a circumcised wizard? I think not. He's gotta have his wizard sleeve.
Like, he doesn't have any healing or anything like that. So I. And I'm pretty sure he's just. Okay, so since he's a wizard, does that mean he could use wizard powers to restore. Definitely. Absolutely. Time manipulation. Yeah, he could definitely. He could definitely heal it. Well, this next one we should know for sure because he doesn't wear any pants at all. Groot. Which Groot? The regrown Groot or
the original Groot? Right. Well, I'm Looking at a picture of his crotch, and there's something that could be construed as a penis there, but you'd have to use a lot of imagination. Now, the thing is, plants, their sexuality is just so different than ours. It's like kind of just a sidestepping thing. Like, do you consider. The bee that pollinates to be like a third sex in the literal cross pollination? Or is it the wind? Oh, goodness. The thing circumcised. Yeah. He's Jewish? Yeah. Oh, wow.
Yeah, I would say circumcised for him. Ooh, this one could be interesting. There's. There's several things to talk about, Mr. Fantastic. Oh. Cause he stretches. He could be the patron saint of foreskin restoration, Right? Yeah. Okay, so what do they say? Well, actually, before we figure out what they officially say, Pat, what do you think? I would say circumcised, but kind of inconsequential for him. Yeah, that's kind of what Vice
says. My feeling is that although Reed Richards was circumcised at birth, he can use his powers to uncircumcise himself whenever he feels like it. But he still wouldn't get back the frenulum. He can still only. He would basically be able to restore instantly. But there are some tissues that I don't think would. There's some nuance to this one because he would basically be able to do what takes us, like, 15 years instantly, but he wouldn't be intact. Like Aquaman, which would be the one time
that we're like, aquaman has it better. Also, I want to say he has to actively decide to restore at that time given moment. Otherwise his. The original state of his penis would be circumcised. My take. Okay, so I'm going to read the caption, and then I'm going to tell you which superhero we're talking about. Have you seen this man's fingernails? He's definitely uncut beast. Yeah.
How is beast uncut? I'm sorry. His powers weren't originally all that physically altering, but then he experimented on himself, and that's why he suddenly grew the blue fur and started becoming more animal. Like, he is American Christian. I don't believe he's Jewish. I relatively certain he's not. I would say probably circumcised. Yeah. But I would also say if he's altering his body like that has a good shot at discovering some foreskin restoration techniques. Also, what about Captain America?
Would the super soldier serum have grown it back? Because he's most likely circumcised at birth, but. Well, actually, this is an interesting thing. Circumcision rates didn't really balloon until after World War II. Like, it was. It was like real hit or miss what areas were circumcised and what weren't. So it might have actually been. Was it New York City, one of the ones that was relatively dense just because there was a huge Jewish population there? Ooh,
that. I don't know. Well, the thing is, a lot of it wasn't the Jewish thing. A lot of it was the whole. It becoming a fad because of Kellogg and all that in the Christian community. It was mostly from that. And. But I don't know. Well, this next one, we actually get to hear from the creator of the comic himself on this subject. The character is Deadpool. And creator Rob Liefeld says, yes, yes. We would never, ever live in a world where Deadpool tool can't regenerate his own cock and balls. Neat.
Meaning every time his dick regenerates, he grows a new foreskin. How beautiful. Yes. It is in the movie, too. Really? Yeah. In the movie, he loses his bottom half and he grows it back and we see his CGI baby penis. I. I hope this sentence doesn't get taken out of contact. Well, what an icon. An intact bisexual man as a huge Hollywood character. Yeah. What wonderful times we live in. I hope nothing happens to turn back the clock on this progress. Well, so now I have googled this question,
like, naked superheroes. Because, you know, if they're shown in the comics naked, then we would definitively be able to know the answer to this question. And it pulls up an article talking about superheroes who have fought naked. Tony Stark has fought naked. So theoretically, we would be able to pull that issue of the comic and know for sure. But okay. Until we find out if he was, let's just take a moment to realize. I think he would
have been the best restorer. I meant, who could make the best restoring devices? Tony Stark could definitely make an auto stretcher device that would be faster than any other. It would be insane. You know, all the time he's in that suit. Perfectly timed stretches according to the techniques that Estimato made. Yeah. In that very cave. Are. Are you making a way to escape? In a sense. I have a tiny list of superheroes that are absolutely intact. There's Shang Chi from China. There is Banshee
from Ireland. Banshee is one of the X Men. John Constantine from the uk apparently. I didn't know Morbius was Greek. One of Spider Man's Enemies. Morbius. Captain Boomerang. Born in Australia, obviously. Well, it depends on the year because their rates used to be really high. Oh, you're right. You're right. Yeah, we did interview that. That guy from Australia. Yeah. And. And his father, like Captain Boomerang's father, was a US soldier. So it. He didn't make it, maybe.
There is one very interesting that is Blade. I didn't know he was born in the uk, so because of the movies, we assume he's from the States, but apparently he's from uk and at least in the comic books. I'm gonna go back a bit and mention he man. Oh, yeah, he man. He wasn't. You know, there was no searching, I guess. And my favorite, I must say, is Nightcrawler. He's from Germany. Kurt Wagner. And the actor who played Nightcrawler is famously an interactivist
who's very vocal about that. Alan Cumming. Yep. Ah, you beat me to it. I was gonna bring up the incredible Nightcrawler. Well, an obscure character I can think of that is probably intact would be a rival to Iron man in the comics. And you can tell what era this is from. He was a Soviet character that couldn't miniaturize the technology, called Titanium man that just had a really big suit because he copied the technology but couldn't get small enough from the Soviet Union. Definitely intact.
Well, and so that was one that I. I had mentioned before. Colossus. Yeah. So Colossus, also from Soviet Union, so probably intact. But he was marrying a Jewish girl. So the plot thickens. Well, this article that I'm reading right now, Dr. Manhattan is on this list. And reading this description makes me want to go to the comic store this weekend and buy a bunch of comics because apparently nudity is happening like crazy in those things. I mean, if you've seen it. Have you read the watchmen?
You see Dr. Manhattan's penis quite a few times in the Watchmen. Yeah, that's. That's what this article is suggesting. It says, Manhattan's abrupt and unfiltered nudity. For the listeners out there. Intact. Circumcised. H. I don't remember. Based on the movie, Dr. Manhattan is intact. Wow. I. And I. I have a hypothesis about that.
I'm glad that they made him intact in the movie, but I think it's because censors were more okay with an intact penis without the exposed glands when it came to censorship. So it might have been almost a censorship thing, which, ironically is the same idea that the ancient Greeks had that it was fine to be naked as long as you didn't have your glands exposed. Yeah, something has come all the
way around. Yep. Well, I mean, while we're on the subject, if you're listening to this cocktail hour and you have some ideas for which superheroes may or may not be intact, definitely give us your opinions and why you think that would be true. I mean, we're all guessing here. None of us know for sure. Except for Deadpool. Except for Deadpool, because that one's like, lock on, the creator has spoken. And Batman. Yeah, those are the two right there. Are the two for sures.
Yeah. Okay, does anyone know this superhero from the freshman Long Dong? What? No, I've never heard of this before either. So I'll just read the description. It says, in Seth Green's excellent short run comic, the Freshman, a group of college freshmen receive ironic superpowers that play on their personal fears. Ray, who goes by the superhero name Long Dong, is self conscious about his size and insecurity, which gives him a giant indestructible whanger.
How big is it? Well, that's pretty much the joke. Green seems to delight in never answering the question, despite showing his goofy bulge every time he gets a chance. Well, that brings. Brings us to a character on the. The boys. Yes, the boys. There's the. There's the one character whose superpower is that he has a giant super long penis that can be controlled so you can like wrap people up like a tentacle monster and intact all that penis. All covered.
Yeah. Well, you know, originally, as we were going into this cocktail hour, I felt a little weird about, you know, our fascination. But here I am on the Internet and this subject has been written about. Over and over and over again. So we are not the only weirdos. Have you seen the movie Mall Rats? No. So it's a Kevin Smith movie in the. From the 90s. His character encounters Stan Lee and like, badgers him with a bunch of questions about superhero penises.
That's pretty good. Is there a possibility for any of the Power Rangers to be intact? Well, okay, okay, this is an interesting one because the Power Rangers were originally a Japanese show with Japanese actors, and then the portions outside of the suits were refilmed with American actors to make the American version of the show. So if you're talking about the Japanese original intact, and then when you go to the American actors, then it's up in the air.
Okay, well, the Mall Rats has come back up in this article, and now the question is. About the thing, right? Of course. So is Thing. Does he even have a penis? He's kind of made out of rocks. There's an anatomy book for superheroes that mentions the thing and he does have a penis. It does not show it, but he. Does have a penis. There's a what? Yeah, it shows a cross slice of the thing. Okay. Pat, how, like, how long have you been thinking about superhero penises before we called you?
At least a week. Dick Iver texted me about it, and, like, within a few minutes, I was like, I have some thoughts. I had not considered this before, but I have some thoughts. And I think I sent you, like, six texts back to back about. It was awesome. It's just the reason we moved it to today. We couldn't have done this without you. Yeah. And you thought those informations would never be useful, so. Turkish restore. I know. There was one less
thought about one that you had brought up before. I was wondering if you want to talk about that. Yeah. Is that the Foreskin man. Or that one? I was thinking of a different one, but yes. Yeah. Is Foreskin man intact? Nope. There's no. I believe wholeheartedly that he is not intact, but he has absolutely restored. Oh, that makes a lot of sense with his character. The one I was thinking of that you had brought up was Storm. Oh, Storm is from Canyon, Cairo, Egypt. Storm is a Storm Egyptian? Yes.
Oh, wow. Yeah. Because I was actively looking for a female superhero who didn't make it to remain intact. And that makes perfect sense. And that I had. I had thought of because I was thinking Storm has. This almost goes back to the thing that we were talking about with Wolverine. Because it all depends on when the powers come up. Because usually in.
In that part of the world when women are generally cut, it's either in infancy or in adolescence around maybe like 13 or 14, which is right around her when her powers would come up. So I'm just imagining them trying it and she discovers her lightning powers and. Well, so she initially lived in Cairo, but she was an orphan and spent and grew up as a pickpocket in Cairo before something happened. She had a building collapse on her. She was stuck for like three days
under the building before she escaped. And then she went out to the savanna and went with some tribes that ended up worshiping her for her weather powers. So I would say probably not. I don't think that she would have been cut in any way. Well, we can hope for the best. Indeed, I would think not for her. But also I don't think her powers would have restored Anything?
No, I think they would just prevent it from happening in the first place because what's the one thing you don't want in a storm, in an electrical storm, is to be holding a bunch of metal instruments. Yeah. Also I want to mention because of a comment that someone posted on Reddit, characters that are like, is that really a superhero? Because someone wrote, I think most likely candidate would be Sonic. Could be intact. Yeah, I don't know if there's this
Sonic superhero that I haven't heard about or is it Sonic? Ah, they're talking about the hedgehog. But. You know, but you know, gotta go fast. Speaking of characters in Sonic, the Knuckles, the echidna is one of only two. Two mammals that naturally doesn't have a foreskin. So not circumcised, but doesn't have a foreskin. The Knuckles, the echidna. We love you so much. The Guyver. This information is so neat. Now I'm picturing the. The sound effect of the rings.
They were orings. No, there were O rings. Yes, the Sonic rings. Oh, okay. So in the story he's trying to restore. So he's collecting the O rings. That's what he's. That's what he's doing. Yeah. And the doctor. What is the Archie. It depends on which version. It's either Dr. Eggman or Dr. Robotnik. So they were. They represented his cutters. And also someone wrote, insert anime character here. But that's not what we're gonna talk about today. Yep. Not. Not today. Not today.
What about the. The Avengers? We haven't gone through the Avengers. We've gone through a lot of them by now because we've already touched on Iron man and Thor. Right. Captain America, Hulk. Oh, yeah, we got Hawkeye. Hawkeye. Probably. Probably circumcised. What about Hank Pym? Ant Man? Probably circumcised. Yeah. Okay, okay. Hank Pym, could he use his enlarging and shrinking powers more specifically as
a restoring technique? Because he could enlarge the skin he has left to restore and then shrink it a little bit on the end to get the tapered. Look, he could really hone in those pin particles. That's what it is, right? The Pym particles. Some precision dick shaping. Oh. You know, that's how he could really make his money. Like he's trying to make in the least of the movies is, like, hard on his luck. You have a technology that can increase and decrease the size of things. Is Tarzan a superhero?
Oh, Tarzan does some insane things in the book series. I mean, he. He Finds books while never hearing humans speak. And he's able to read them, but isn't able to understand people speaking because he's only read, which makes no sense. But he's intact. Well, you know, he comes from European nobility, so of course, he's just better than everybody. The guy that wrote Tarzan is huge on eugenics. Oh, oh, of course he is. The whole point behind Tarzan was that you could drop a British nobleman
into the jungle and he'd still end up. Better than anybody else instead of just completely sunburned and. Yeah, sunkissed. Oh, sun kissed. Sun peeling, more like it. I'm sorry. Yeah. British royalty, obviously. I was thinking more about gorilla. You know, he's actually one that. I think that once he joined society after leaving the jungle, that they would have had him circumcise himself. Oh. I think he would have done it himself based on what
I know about the stories. Both. Ah. What about Bizarro? Hmm. Because if it turns out that Superman in the movies is circumcised, it almost has to be that Bizarro isn't. You're right. Or he'd do the opposite out of spite. Well, Thanos is lucky because, you know, the purple eggplant is like. Fits him like a. A glove. It fits him like a condom. Drax is one that's probably different from the comics to the movies, because in the comics, Drax is actually a human that gets
experimented on. So the comics version probably circumcised, but the movie version is an alien, so probably. Probably intact. Okay, so Martian Manhunter is intact. He can decide whatever he wants. He could shapeshift. Oh. Oh. Hey, have we talked about shape shifters? No. Mystique. What about. Yeah, what about Mystique when. When she got Destiny pregnant? So they recently canonized that. Mystique, shape shifted into a man to impregnate destiny. Nightcrawler's mom and dad are mystique
and Destiny. So. Wow. Well, due to the powers of the Internet, I have stumbled upon a page that sells dildos. Wonderful. That are, you know, supposedly attached to superheroes. So as you can imagine, the one for the Hulk is really large. Hulk smash after all. Oh, golly. That truly means there is, like, nothing you can't buy in today's world. I was wondering why open roads was so silent for the last 15 minutes. Right. Looking at that Hulk penis,
I was like, dear Jesus. Yeah, but is there anything else, like, intact wounds that are made? No, none of them are intact. Well, you know, they're dildos, so they're Fully wrecked. So they could go either way. Right. But I was afraid we were going to run out of things to talk about. But no, this turns out to be a really interesting subject. Okay, so let's wrap this up. We've covered a lot of superheroes.
Let's go around the room. Which one of the superheroes would be the best at foreskin restoration? Yep, that's a good idea. I'm gonna go with Stretch, you know, just because he could just make it happen right there. Right. Der. I'm going to have to go with Tony Stark. I mean, that guy can, as they said in the movie, he made this in a
cave. I mean, people have literally referred to, like, we have to be a Tony Stark when it comes to our restoration devices where they'll replace the arc reactor with a restoring device. And it goes, name of the guy that makes this device, made this. And. And then they replace cave with garage. So I think even if he's not technically the best, I think he encapsulates the spirit of restoring. And he's definitely going to have some wicked
devices that could help a lot of other people. It wouldn't just be him. He would be the best restorer because he could help other people, too. Nice. I like it. I like it. Pat, who do you think would be the best at this foreskin restoration thing? I gotta go with Beast. Hank McCoy, because he's more biology based than most of the other scientists. All right. And I think he would be able to do actual, like, he can regrow limbs for people, so. Oh, I'm going to go with
Beast. Heck yeah. Heck yeah. Turkish restore. Who do you think I would go with? Magneto. I mean, he's not a superhero per se, but because of his background and what has been done to him as a child and an adolescent, I think when he grows up to be an older man and he already hates the humankind, he sees humankind as lesser than. So this thing that was done to him by humankind, I think he would hate it with passion and just out of spite, he would just grow his.
Foreskin back and he could use those magnetic powers to make some very good devices. Imagine, like, he could have little grippers. One would be able to tell, but he could be stretching that whole time. It's perfect. Yep. How about you? Oh, well, you know, I have been fantasizing about Spider man since the third grade. And so I want an excuse to see Spider man butt ass naked. And I'm. I'm just gonna go with Spider Man.
Yeah. Spider man is Also a super scientist, so there is a very good chance he could figure something out as well. Yeah. Yeah. I would also like to add that Spider man is a really good choice because what's the problem with tape? It always comes off. He's got the webbing, right? Yeah. He can make his own tape. It would be so perfect. It would just because he. He has this. Because in the comics. Pat, you can probably back me up on this. It stays. Unless he has a specific chemical.
He adds that it just makes it dissolve, so he could use it to stretch. Just use that chemical and take it off anytime he wants. It would be amazing. Right. Okay, well, so to wrap it up, did we have any more comments from Reddit or from any of our social medias? I know we published a poll. Yep. No, we pretty much covered the basis. But still, if people want to join in the conversation, they can always reach out to us on the socials or via email. Okay, well, this was a really fun
cocktail hour. Thank you for joining us and keep coming back. We've got some more ideas for things to explore in the future, and I'd really like to thank Pat for joining us. He brought a wealth of superhero knowledge to the conversation. Of course. Happy to be here. All right, that was fun. Thank you, you guys. Yeah, of course. Bye. All right, see you guys. See ya. Here. Oh, also here. Does this chat work? Yeah, I think so. That is the. The panel for Bat Dick. The panel.
Oh, that's great. I'm looking at that. That is canonically Batman's penis. Yeah. Why is it going to the side like that? Who knows? Thanks.