00:00:00.737 --> 00:00:06.897
Kevin Lowe: If you've ever felt lost, overwhelmed, even frustrated at trying to regain your happiness,
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Kevin Lowe: Well, today's episode, today's conversation is going to give you the tools you
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Kevin Lowe: need to break free and create a life you truly love.
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Kevin Lowe: Our guest, Tamara's owner, she was trapped in an emotionally abusive marriage.
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Kevin Lowe: She was convinced she was stuck until, of course, she made one monumental decision
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Kevin Lowe: that would change everything.
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Kevin Lowe: Today, Tamara is a science-backed happiness coach, proving that pure joy,
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Kevin Lowe: it's not just possible, but rather it's a skill that can be learned and mastered.
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Kevin Lowe: If you, my friend, are in need of a little bit more joy in your life,
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Kevin Lowe: some happiness, you could benefit from a masterclass on happiness,
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Kevin Lowe: well, you're exactly where you're meant to be.
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Kevin Lowe: This, my friend, is episode 367. Now, as a quick reminder, if you would love
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Kevin Lowe: a little help in being sure that this year is indeed the best year of your life,
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Kevin Lowe: well, you got to go check out my free resource.
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Kevin Lowe: It's called 14 Nuggets of Wisdom for a Better Life.
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Kevin Lowe: I've created a free ebook plus an exclusive free podcast episode,
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Kevin Lowe: all designed to help you make this year the best year of your life.
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Kevin Lowe: A link is at the top of today's show notes where you can click to download,
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Kevin Lowe: or you can also head on over to gritgraceinspiration.com, the website for the podcast,
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Kevin Lowe: where you will also find a link to access that same resource.
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Kevin Lowe: It's just my way of trying to help you make today a little bit better than yesterday.
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Kevin Lowe: And of course, this year, the best year of your life.
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Kevin Lowe: With that said, I hope you enjoy today's episode.
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Kevin Lowe: Here's my interview with Tamara Zona. Hey, I'm your host, Kevin Lowe,
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Kevin Lowe: and you are listening to Grit, Grace, and Inspiration.
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Kevin Lowe: What has happened to my friends? Welcome back to the studios here at Great Grace and Inspiration.
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Kevin Lowe: Today, I have the pleasure of being joined by another amazing woman here in
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Kevin Lowe: the studio with me, Tamara. Welcome to the podcast.
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Tamara Zoner: Thank you. It's a joy to be here.
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Kevin Lowe: Oh my goodness. Well, Tamara, I've been super excited for us to get to talk
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Kevin Lowe: today and get to unpack really kind of,
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Kevin Lowe: I guess I would say it, both kind of like this personal journey and professional
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Kevin Lowe: journey that you've been on and all of this around this amazing topic of happiness.
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Kevin Lowe: I want to ask a question to kick things off today.
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Kevin Lowe: When we talk about happiness, do you think of happiness as a destination or
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Kevin Lowe: is it part of the journey?
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Tamara Zoner: It is the journey.
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Tamara Zoner: Yeah, I think there's a big problem if we think that it's the destination because
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Tamara Zoner: we're never going to get there. We're always here.
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Tamara Zoner: And so if we can just plant our feet and know that happiness is a moment to
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Tamara Zoner: moment practice, then we'll feel more of it.
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Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Yeah. I love that so much. Well, then talking about the journey is,
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Kevin Lowe: I always love to kind of go back a little bit. And so
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Kevin Lowe: I'll let you decide where we pick up your story at.
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Kevin Lowe: But what I'm curious is, is when you look back on this journey you've been on, was there any person,
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Kevin Lowe: an event, even maybe just a period of your life that you feel like was really
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Kevin Lowe: significant on getting you to where you are today?
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Tamara Zoner: Yes. Yes and yes.
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Tamara Zoner: The most significant point in my life where I feel like really where I am today
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Tamara Zoner: began is about 15 years ago,
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Tamara Zoner: where I really discovered and admitted to myself that I was not living for me.
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Tamara Zoner: I was trying to be someone for someone else.
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Tamara Zoner: And that was a glimmer. And then I continued for a few more years in this controlling,
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Tamara Zoner: emotionally abusive marriage because we had had a third child and I didn't want to be a single parent.
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Tamara Zoner: But as I had tried everything to fix the marriage, to make it better,
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Tamara Zoner: to be who we wanted, and none of it worked, I finally turned back to myself
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Tamara Zoner: and was like, well, I feel miserable.
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Tamara Zoner: This isn't working for me. I hate life.
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Tamara Zoner: I don't like me. and I'm supposed to be happy, right?
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Tamara Zoner: Because I've got children and a husband and I'm living in another country.
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Tamara Zoner: And like, ideally it should be a happy life, but it's not.
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Tamara Zoner: And so when I started to kind of dig into what would make me happy,
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Tamara Zoner: I stopped kind of the lying to myself of like, this will get better because
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Tamara Zoner: it wasn't getting better.
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Tamara Zoner: And I instead said, what do I need? now? What would make me feel happy?
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Tamara Zoner: And I happen to at the same time,
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Tamara Zoner: meet a woman who was a certified passion test facilitator.
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Tamara Zoner: And when we first exchanged business cards, I didn't know what that was.
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Tamara Zoner: I've never heard of it, but something in my whole body knew.
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Tamara Zoner: I felt like shivers and chills. Like when you just know something is about to change or happen.
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Tamara Zoner: That's how I felt when I read those words. And before I'd even taken what's
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Tamara Zoner: called the passion test, I had signed up to become a certified facilitator.
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Tamara Zoner: And it was really that process that helped me and still helps anybody I work
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Tamara Zoner: with to identify what I wanted life to look and feel like.
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Tamara Zoner: And the interesting thing for me at the time was that you make a list of 10
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Tamara Zoner: to 12 things that you want to be, do, feel, or have.
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Tamara Zoner: And my family was on that list, but the process is getting down to the top five.
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Tamara Zoner: And my family hit one of those.
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Tamara Zoner: And the rest was about me feeling authentic, about me having confidence,
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Tamara Zoner: about me having my own voice and friends because I had no friends because controlling husband.
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Tamara Zoner: And so it was really awakening for me. It was eye-opening. It was heart awakening.
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Tamara Zoner: Like, oh, I've been living this lie to try to make someone else happy who is
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Tamara Zoner: never happy and never going to be happy with me.
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Tamara Zoner: And now I get to choose something different.
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Tamara Zoner: And as, and it's a long story shortish, but as I opened to what made me feel
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Tamara Zoner: good and I stepped back into personal development and personal growth and really honoring myself,
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Tamara Zoner: I was able to gather the courage to walk away from that painful,
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Tamara Zoner: painful marriage and really step more fully into being who I am and reclaimed
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Tamara Zoner: or remembered the joyful person that I naturally am.
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Tamara Zoner: And so it was quite a process. But the reason I do this work is because I was
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Tamara Zoner: desperately unhappy, but I could remember a version of myself with some natural happiness.
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Tamara Zoner: And it was all about finding her again.
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Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Now, how long were you in this relationship before you really started
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Kevin Lowe: coming to this kind of awakening?
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Tamara Zoner: 12 years and I left at 15 years.
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Kevin Lowe: Wow. Now, how I don't even know how to frame the question of how were you able
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Kevin Lowe: to to get out of such a relationship?
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Kevin Lowe: Because obviously that takes extreme courage and strength on your part.
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Kevin Lowe: What was that like for you?
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Tamara Zoner: It was so hard, Kevin. It's so scary to be, especially as a parent, right?
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Tamara Zoner: To be a parent of three young children who I had worked on and off,
00:08:11.536 --> 00:08:15.036
Tamara Zoner: but we had moved from country to country. My ex-husband is French.
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Tamara Zoner: So we weren't like, he wasn't attached to the United States where I'm from.
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Tamara Zoner: And so we had lived in Asia. We had lived in the UK and I had this reoccurring
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Tamara Zoner: thought that I was just stuck because how was I supposed to support three kids
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Tamara Zoner: on my own? Where would we even live.
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Tamara Zoner: And as I just became clearer and clearer on what I needed to do,
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Tamara Zoner: which was to gather that courage to do something more for myself,
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Tamara Zoner: synchronicity played a part.
00:08:45.416 --> 00:08:52.916
Tamara Zoner: So I had gained enough confidence and courage to fight for coming home for a
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Tamara Zoner: visit with my three kids and me, just us, just the four of us.
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Tamara Zoner: My ex, still husband at the time, stayed in the UK where we were living because
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Tamara Zoner: he needed to work and couldn't take the time off.
00:09:03.416 --> 00:09:08.356
Tamara Zoner: And normally I didn't travel without him, but I've, I've fought for this one.
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Tamara Zoner: I was like, I need to go home. I need to see my family.
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Tamara Zoner: I need to see my friends. The kids need to see their family.
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Tamara Zoner: And so he agreed. So we came back to Michigan, August of 2014.
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Tamara Zoner: And after a few days, I noticed myself start to relax.
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Tamara Zoner: Like I wasn't constantly bracing for the next outburst or what I was going to be in trouble for.
00:09:36.236 --> 00:09:41.156
Tamara Zoner: And I started to relax and think, well, wow, here are these people around me
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Tamara Zoner: who say they love me and they act like it too.
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Tamara Zoner: And I was a brand new passion test facilitator at the time. So I had just gotten
00:09:49.516 --> 00:09:52.436
Tamara Zoner: certified as a life coach, as a passion test facilitator.
00:09:52.576 --> 00:09:57.796
Tamara Zoner: And so I wanted to practice my new skills on my family and friends who I hadn't seen in years.
00:09:58.676 --> 00:10:03.976
Tamara Zoner: And I was giving a workshop and like any good abused spouse,
00:10:04.376 --> 00:10:08.616
Tamara Zoner: I had informed my husband exactly what I'd be doing all day long, right?
00:10:08.776 --> 00:10:13.656
Tamara Zoner: I'm not going to be answering my phone for three hours because I will be doing this workshop.
00:10:13.976 --> 00:10:19.756
Tamara Zoner: So the unspoken words were, so please don't accuse me of things I'm not doing, but he did.
00:10:20.016 --> 00:10:26.296
Tamara Zoner: So during the workshop, he called 24 times, 24 times until one of my friends
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Tamara Zoner: picked up my phone and said, Tam, maybe it's an emergency. I think you might
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Tamara Zoner: want to call your husband.
00:10:31.516 --> 00:10:36.056
Tamara Zoner: And so I did. I went and I called him and I was like, is everything okay?
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Tamara Zoner: And he just went on this rampage. And I thought to myself, oh my gosh,
00:10:42.656 --> 00:10:45.456
Tamara Zoner: like here is the biggest sign.
00:10:45.716 --> 00:10:54.296
Tamara Zoner: And if I miss it now, there's no hope for me Because he is showing me exactly who he is.
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Tamara Zoner: And I am thousands of miles away and I don't ever have to go back to that.
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Kevin Lowe: Hmm.
00:11:01.009 --> 00:11:06.969
Tamara Zoner: And so, yeah, over the course of a few days, he demonstrated many ways why I
00:11:06.969 --> 00:11:08.749
Tamara Zoner: did not need to return to that relationship.
00:11:08.969 --> 00:11:11.949
Tamara Zoner: And I was so grateful, you know, as I look back and of course,
00:11:12.009 --> 00:11:14.489
Tamara Zoner: in the moment, it's all scary and it's like, what am I going to do?
00:11:14.629 --> 00:11:16.369
Tamara Zoner: And I don't want to go back to that.
00:11:16.809 --> 00:11:20.029
Tamara Zoner: And parents, could you please let me stay here for a while in your basement
00:11:20.029 --> 00:11:27.189
Tamara Zoner: with my three children? And so I am fortunate in the fact that I had family
00:11:27.189 --> 00:11:30.589
Tamara Zoner: that I could ask for support from.
00:11:30.729 --> 00:11:34.789
Tamara Zoner: And I recognize that not every person has that. And I feel very,
00:11:34.909 --> 00:11:38.369
Tamara Zoner: very grateful and fortunate that I was able to lean on them and have a safe
00:11:38.369 --> 00:11:39.949
Tamara Zoner: place for my children and I to stay.
00:11:40.429 --> 00:11:46.609
Tamara Zoner: And then, you know, suck up my ego and ask for state assistance for a time because
00:11:46.609 --> 00:11:49.929
Tamara Zoner: my ex, as soon as I decided to stay, cut me off from her bank accounts.
00:11:50.229 --> 00:11:56.809
Tamara Zoner: So I had no money, three kids. And I was not so proud that I wasn't willing
00:11:56.809 --> 00:12:01.029
Tamara Zoner: to ask for the social assistance that is available to a lot of us.
00:12:01.129 --> 00:12:02.469
Tamara Zoner: And sometimes we're too proud.
00:12:02.629 --> 00:12:08.829
Tamara Zoner: And so we keep ourselves stuck because we won't ask for help. But I did. And I got it.
00:12:09.029 --> 00:12:12.429
Tamara Zoner: And that helped me get back on my feet and be where I am today,
00:12:12.469 --> 00:12:14.049
Tamara Zoner: which is in a really amazing place.
00:12:14.449 --> 00:12:20.989
Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Wow. It's such a powerful story. and I hope for anyone,
00:12:21.349 --> 00:12:27.409
Kevin Lowe: man or woman listening to this today, who's in a relationship, as you have described,
00:12:28.209 --> 00:12:34.109
Kevin Lowe: I hope that this can be that little spark that they need to hear today,
00:12:34.769 --> 00:12:36.749
Kevin Lowe: that they don't have to stay.
00:12:37.089 --> 00:12:40.449
Tamara Zoner: Me too, because it's only a belief in our mind that we're stuck.
00:12:40.449 --> 00:12:45.309
Tamara Zoner: I held it for so long. I was so attached to the belief that I had to make that
00:12:45.309 --> 00:12:48.829
Tamara Zoner: marriage work, that I was stuck in it, that I could never leave.
00:12:48.829 --> 00:12:52.429
Tamara Zoner: My own parents will celebrate 60 years of marriage in December.
00:12:52.789 --> 00:12:59.589
Tamara Zoner: So I thought I had to make this work, that I just had to deal with life, but that's not living.
00:13:00.929 --> 00:13:05.549
Tamara Zoner: That's not living. And so if anybody listening is feeling stuck,
00:13:05.729 --> 00:13:09.629
Tamara Zoner: like you don't know what to do, you don't have to know how to do it.
00:13:09.909 --> 00:13:13.429
Tamara Zoner: You simply have to decide what you want.
00:13:13.749 --> 00:13:14.189
Kevin Lowe: Yeah.
00:13:14.409 --> 00:13:15.609
Tamara Zoner: I want to feel better.
00:13:16.802 --> 00:13:25.262
Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Wow. Now, after that part had ended and you, you separated,
00:13:25.502 --> 00:13:28.722
Kevin Lowe: you left your husband, you're back at home.
00:13:28.942 --> 00:13:36.122
Kevin Lowe: How do you kind of begin to create a new kind of chapter for you, for your kids?
00:13:36.142 --> 00:13:38.722
Kevin Lowe: How does that all pan out for you?
00:13:39.242 --> 00:13:44.382
Tamara Zoner: One day at a time. And I really got clear on what I wanted my life to look and
00:13:44.382 --> 00:13:46.702
Tamara Zoner: feel like. So I use the very process that I teach.
00:13:47.042 --> 00:13:54.242
Tamara Zoner: So, you know, when my life is ideal, I am able to easily support my children
00:13:54.242 --> 00:13:56.242
Tamara Zoner: in their emotional and physical growth.
00:13:56.402 --> 00:14:03.222
Tamara Zoner: When my life is ideal, I am working in a job or a career that I love that makes
00:14:03.222 --> 00:14:07.422
Tamara Zoner: me feel alive and step by step by step like that.
00:14:07.622 --> 00:14:12.662
Tamara Zoner: So I, of course, I had kids to feed. So I did go, I was a brand new coach.
00:14:12.982 --> 00:14:17.402
Tamara Zoner: So here I had just begun building my business in the UK. And now I was back
00:14:17.402 --> 00:14:20.982
Tamara Zoner: here in Michigan, starting over from scratch.
00:14:21.402 --> 00:14:26.222
Tamara Zoner: And eventually I was like, going to stay true to being a coach and not go get a J-O-B.
00:14:26.582 --> 00:14:29.082
Tamara Zoner: But then I needed to feed my kids. And my parents were like,
00:14:29.242 --> 00:14:31.262
Tamara Zoner: what are you doing, Tam, are you going to get a job?
00:14:31.882 --> 00:14:37.282
Tamara Zoner: And so I started looking for positions that felt good.
00:14:37.442 --> 00:14:42.142
Tamara Zoner: I didn't want to just do anything. I wanted to, for the first time in my life,
00:14:42.242 --> 00:14:45.702
Tamara Zoner: to stay true to me, to stay authentic to me, to stay in integrity,
00:14:45.702 --> 00:14:48.762
Tamara Zoner: because I had been out of it for so long.
00:14:49.082 --> 00:14:54.862
Tamara Zoner: And so by the time I got a call from a senior community, I didn't even remember
00:14:54.862 --> 00:14:57.022
Tamara Zoner: what I had applied for. It had been weeks.
00:14:57.222 --> 00:15:01.942
Tamara Zoner: I was living on, I had state assistance. I had a little bit of savings from a tax return.
00:15:02.402 --> 00:15:08.502
Tamara Zoner: And I finally got this call, went into a senior community to be interviewed
00:15:08.502 --> 00:15:14.202
Tamara Zoner: for whatever position they had open. And I ended up in life enrichment and activities,
00:15:14.302 --> 00:15:16.242
Tamara Zoner: which was a perfect fit for me.
00:15:16.973 --> 00:15:22.773
Tamara Zoner: The place was five minutes from my house. So I could still watch my kindergartner
00:15:22.773 --> 00:15:27.413
Tamara Zoner: get on the bus in the morning, go to work, be on time, even if I left late,
00:15:27.453 --> 00:15:31.533
Tamara Zoner: and then be home in time for him to get back off of that bus.
00:15:32.413 --> 00:15:39.053
Tamara Zoner: Or have my mother, who I was now living with my parents, meet him at the bus if I couldn't be there.
00:15:39.173 --> 00:15:46.053
Tamara Zoner: So it wasn't me working around the clock. It was me still being able to be a
00:15:46.053 --> 00:15:50.973
Tamara Zoner: present parent and have my children at home where I actually grew up,
00:15:51.093 --> 00:15:51.953
Tamara Zoner: which was pretty amazing.
00:15:52.313 --> 00:15:57.113
Tamara Zoner: So it's a big 10 acres of land so they could run and play and I'd have to watch
00:15:57.113 --> 00:15:59.093
Tamara Zoner: them every second. And that was amazing.
00:15:59.973 --> 00:16:03.753
Tamara Zoner: And then I still kept coaching and speaking on the side,
00:16:04.153 --> 00:16:08.293
Tamara Zoner: running workshops here and there, but having fun in senior communities until
00:16:08.293 --> 00:16:12.773
Tamara Zoner: finally I got another call from a friend who there was a full-time director
00:16:12.773 --> 00:16:16.453
Tamara Zoner: of life enrichment position available at another senior community,
00:16:16.713 --> 00:16:18.493
Tamara Zoner: an independent senior community,
00:16:18.813 --> 00:16:20.573
Tamara Zoner: pretty luxury too.
00:16:20.933 --> 00:16:23.913
Tamara Zoner: And so I interviewed for that job and had it within three days.
00:16:24.093 --> 00:16:28.213
Tamara Zoner: And that really, now I was fully on my own feet.
00:16:28.353 --> 00:16:33.393
Tamara Zoner: I was working more, but it was a fun job and it was definitely enriching.
00:16:33.553 --> 00:16:37.593
Tamara Zoner: So one of my rules of life is to do things that light me up.
00:16:38.193 --> 00:16:43.913
Tamara Zoner: I don't think any of us have to struggle through life. If we do,
00:16:44.113 --> 00:16:46.633
Tamara Zoner: that's just our mind lying to us.
00:16:46.813 --> 00:16:51.993
Tamara Zoner: And it's really actually so important that we do things that bring us light
00:16:51.993 --> 00:16:57.213
Tamara Zoner: and joy and love, because that opens up a world of possibilities for us when
00:16:57.213 --> 00:16:58.753
Tamara Zoner: we're in this energy of love.
00:16:58.973 --> 00:17:03.733
Tamara Zoner: Then I think from my personal perspective, like a spirit or source or whatever
00:17:03.733 --> 00:17:07.593
Tamara Zoner: you call that big guy in the sky or don't call, it doesn't matter to me.
00:17:08.393 --> 00:17:14.353
Tamara Zoner: Then that greater being responds like, oh, you're doing good stuff for you here.
00:17:14.513 --> 00:17:15.653
Tamara Zoner: I'll give you some more of it.
00:17:15.913 --> 00:17:22.653
Tamara Zoner: And so life just kept getting more fun and more rich and until COVID hit,
00:17:22.853 --> 00:17:26.413
Tamara Zoner: but that's a whole second segment of the story. Right.
00:17:26.753 --> 00:17:31.193
Tamara Zoner: So I just took one day at a time and really allowed my heart to guide me?
00:17:31.493 --> 00:17:38.773
Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Wow. Now, when I'm listening to you talk about this, the question I have
00:17:38.773 --> 00:17:46.433
Kevin Lowe: when you talk about almost like talking to the person listening today and you
00:17:47.708 --> 00:17:51.188
Kevin Lowe: So many times I think we get stuck in a rut.
00:17:51.368 --> 00:17:54.748
Kevin Lowe: Like when you talk about like following what you really like,
00:17:54.908 --> 00:17:59.008
Kevin Lowe: what you love, your passion is, what lights you up, what is fun.
00:17:59.568 --> 00:18:05.888
Kevin Lowe: I think so many times as adults, we get stuck in the thing of what's it's it's
00:18:05.888 --> 00:18:09.888
Kevin Lowe: the it's our job, whether we like it or not. we go to work, we do the job.
00:18:10.348 --> 00:18:15.488
Kevin Lowe: And there's probably not even anything that most people can say that they have
00:18:15.488 --> 00:18:18.168
Kevin Lowe: as even a hobby that they love or enjoy.
00:18:18.708 --> 00:18:20.548
Kevin Lowe: What do you say to that person?
00:18:21.128 --> 00:18:24.748
Tamara Zoner: Find that hobby. Like a lot of people have forgotten because you're right,
00:18:24.928 --> 00:18:28.528
Tamara Zoner: we're weighed down by all the shoulds of adulthood. We're supposed to do this.
00:18:28.668 --> 00:18:32.628
Tamara Zoner: We have this checklist that we're, you know, we have to get a degree or a good
00:18:32.628 --> 00:18:35.868
Tamara Zoner: job or a career and then a house and then a partner, and then a family.
00:18:36.028 --> 00:18:40.408
Tamara Zoner: And we think this is this prescribed way of being that we have to do the same.
00:18:40.868 --> 00:18:45.628
Tamara Zoner: And so many times, and this is typical of my clients, they get to this point
00:18:45.628 --> 00:18:49.108
Tamara Zoner: where they say, Tamara, I've checked all the boxes and I'm still not happy.
00:18:49.648 --> 00:18:54.068
Tamara Zoner: Well, what is something that used to make you happy? So here's what I encourage
00:18:54.068 --> 00:18:57.408
Tamara Zoner: people to tap into. What used to make you feel happy?
00:18:58.088 --> 00:19:04.048
Tamara Zoner: What lights you up? Maybe you love true crime. Who cares?
00:19:04.428 --> 00:19:09.188
Tamara Zoner: Maybe you love dancing. Maybe you love singing. That is one thing that I love
00:19:09.188 --> 00:19:15.448
Tamara Zoner: doing that I had put up on a shelf because my husband told me I was too loud and I should be quiet.
00:19:15.588 --> 00:19:18.508
Tamara Zoner: So I stopped singing, which is such a part of me.
00:19:18.788 --> 00:19:22.308
Tamara Zoner: And once I left, once in a while, I'd go do karaoke.
00:19:22.588 --> 00:19:27.668
Tamara Zoner: And guess what? I would feel so alive. I love it. So what's one thing?
00:19:28.108 --> 00:19:33.068
Tamara Zoner: It can be small, it can be big, but it needs to be accessible so that you can
00:19:33.068 --> 00:19:35.808
Tamara Zoner: do it on a regular basis that makes you feel alive.
00:19:35.928 --> 00:19:42.068
Tamara Zoner: And I really don't care if it's watching funny cat videos on Instagram or taking
00:19:42.068 --> 00:19:44.628
Tamara Zoner: a walk through the woods for five minutes.
00:19:45.970 --> 00:19:50.810
Tamara Zoner: Or just sitting and remembering what you used to do and really allowing yourself
00:19:50.810 --> 00:19:53.850
Tamara Zoner: to imagine or remember, because it's the same thing to the brain,
00:19:54.030 --> 00:20:01.830
Tamara Zoner: what that felt like and feeling yourself come alive just that little bit.
00:20:02.030 --> 00:20:06.870
Tamara Zoner: And then bonus points if you go do the thing. It could be laughing with your kids or your grandkids.
00:20:07.130 --> 00:20:15.470
Tamara Zoner: I remember one of the first times that I had fun with my kids again after I left my marriage.
00:20:15.970 --> 00:20:21.470
Tamara Zoner: We lived up on a hill with my parents where I was raised. And so we would sled
00:20:21.470 --> 00:20:23.330
Tamara Zoner: to the bus stop in the winter.
00:20:26.270 --> 00:20:33.310
Tamara Zoner: And it was so much fun. And I remember laughing as the sled was spinning around and around.
00:20:33.510 --> 00:20:37.570
Tamara Zoner: And the four of us were going down, you know, a few times because we had time while we waited.
00:20:37.910 --> 00:20:44.110
Tamara Zoner: And I remember laughing so hard and thinking, oh, my God, I'm having fun with my kids.
00:20:44.110 --> 00:20:54.110
Tamara Zoner: I hadn't had fun in years and it was total abandon and joy and we're all meant
00:20:54.110 --> 00:20:57.130
Tamara Zoner: to experience that at least sometimes.
00:20:59.996 --> 00:21:05.876
Tamara Zoner: So to tune in to like, oh, what? Okay, right now nothing makes me feel alive, but what did?
00:21:06.616 --> 00:21:13.316
Tamara Zoner: What did? What did I put away for the shoulds that maybe I could pull out for five minutes today?
00:21:13.816 --> 00:21:14.296
Kevin Lowe: Yeah.
00:21:14.596 --> 00:21:14.876
Tamara Zoner: Yeah.
00:21:15.036 --> 00:21:21.436
Kevin Lowe: I love that so much. So in this kind of journey that you're taking us on,
00:21:21.676 --> 00:21:25.216
Kevin Lowe: and I don't know if I'm going to skip too far ahead with this question,
00:21:25.216 --> 00:21:30.956
Kevin Lowe: but I'm kind of curious is, so when did you become the lady? around happiness.
00:21:32.416 --> 00:21:38.236
Tamara Zoner: So during COVID, so COVID hit my senior community and suddenly we were actually
00:21:38.236 --> 00:21:41.836
Tamara Zoner: the first senior community in Michigan to have a positive COVID case.
00:21:41.956 --> 00:21:44.816
Tamara Zoner: And I found out about it the day I went into work.
00:21:46.096 --> 00:21:49.976
Tamara Zoner: And so, yeah, I laugh because that's my defense mechanism, right?
00:21:50.156 --> 00:21:56.556
Tamara Zoner: So I get to work, we're on lockdown, all the residents who usually it's my job
00:21:56.556 --> 00:22:01.476
Tamara Zoner: to bring them together in groups are now isolated in their apartments.
00:22:02.396 --> 00:22:06.016
Tamara Zoner: And one of them wanders down kind of confused.
00:22:06.176 --> 00:22:09.236
Tamara Zoner: It's independent living, but that didn't mean that everybody was like,
00:22:09.416 --> 00:22:11.656
Tamara Zoner: you know, 100% cognitively functioning.
00:22:12.456 --> 00:22:14.656
Tamara Zoner: One of the residents came down, was confused.
00:22:16.056 --> 00:22:19.276
Tamara Zoner: And he was like, why do I have to be in my apartment?
00:22:19.556 --> 00:22:23.036
Tamara Zoner: And so I just said, let me escort you back to your room and I'll,
00:22:23.036 --> 00:22:24.496
Tamara Zoner: I'll explain it on the way.
00:22:24.836 --> 00:22:29.076
Tamara Zoner: And so as I was walking him back to his apartment, you know,
00:22:29.216 --> 00:22:32.076
Tamara Zoner: we didn't have any personal protection gear yet.
00:22:32.296 --> 00:22:39.096
Tamara Zoner: We didn't know much at all about this COVID thing because it was March 17th of 2020.
00:22:39.596 --> 00:22:43.796
Tamara Zoner: And it was all new and none of us really knew anything. And he was coughing.
00:22:44.296 --> 00:22:48.696
Tamara Zoner: And so I'm trying to stay six feet away from him, like the news said to,
00:22:49.616 --> 00:22:53.696
Tamara Zoner: But I'm walking a resident, you know, up to his apartment.
00:22:54.116 --> 00:22:57.156
Tamara Zoner: I have to take an elevator with him because he can't do the stairs.
00:22:58.394 --> 00:23:03.094
Tamara Zoner: To the third floor. And that was a Monday. And by Friday, I had symptoms.
00:23:04.414 --> 00:23:06.354
Tamara Zoner: Two weeks later, that resident passed away.
00:23:06.554 --> 00:23:07.134
Kevin Lowe: Oh, wow.
00:23:07.694 --> 00:23:12.074
Tamara Zoner: Yeah. And because it was so new, of course, I didn't go to work.
00:23:12.234 --> 00:23:15.034
Tamara Zoner: I didn't know. They weren't giving tests to young, healthy people.
00:23:15.454 --> 00:23:17.954
Tamara Zoner: So I had a fever. I wasn't going to work.
00:23:18.834 --> 00:23:24.494
Tamara Zoner: So I had some time. I had still been coaching and doing the passion testing on the side now and then.
00:23:24.974 --> 00:23:28.574
Tamara Zoner: And it was still in my heart that that's what I wanted to be doing full-time.
00:23:28.854 --> 00:23:34.914
Tamara Zoner: But I was struggling, too, to find a way to make it more accessible to people.
00:23:35.134 --> 00:23:36.634
Tamara Zoner: Passion is kind of airy-fairy.
00:23:37.034 --> 00:23:41.234
Tamara Zoner: And people think, oh, well, yes, but I'm supposed to be doing this other stuff.
00:23:41.354 --> 00:23:42.354
Tamara Zoner: So I have responsibilities.
00:23:42.834 --> 00:23:46.294
Tamara Zoner: Passion is a luxury. That is not true, my friends. Nevertheless,
00:23:46.734 --> 00:23:49.054
Tamara Zoner: I honor that belief when it's out there.
00:23:49.294 --> 00:23:53.854
Tamara Zoner: But there was this happiness training. I had read the book, Happy for No Reason.
00:23:54.634 --> 00:23:59.194
Tamara Zoner: Years ago, as I was trying to find my way back to myself and gain that courage
00:23:59.194 --> 00:24:00.714
Tamara Zoner: and confidence to leave my marriage.
00:24:01.374 --> 00:24:05.994
Tamara Zoner: And I had seen Marcy Shymoff in the movie, The Secret, which is really a one-on-one
00:24:05.994 --> 00:24:07.054
Tamara Zoner: don't take it to heart people.
00:24:07.334 --> 00:24:12.414
Tamara Zoner: It's just a primer about, you know, manifestation and changing your life and
00:24:12.414 --> 00:24:14.054
Tamara Zoner: creating what you want and all of that.
00:24:14.554 --> 00:24:23.394
Tamara Zoner: And her ads kept popping up in my feed and in my email while I was sick from COVID.
00:24:25.354 --> 00:24:28.754
Tamara Zoner: So I clicked the links as you do.
00:24:28.994 --> 00:24:32.814
Tamara Zoner: And there was her training, her happiness, happy for no reason,
00:24:32.974 --> 00:24:34.914
Tamara Zoner: certification training to become a happiness trainer.
00:24:35.094 --> 00:24:40.714
Tamara Zoner: And I, it all just made sense to me. This was a really science backed approach
00:24:40.714 --> 00:24:45.294
Tamara Zoner: to happiness where she had interviewed experts in the field.
00:24:45.294 --> 00:24:49.854
Tamara Zoner: She had interviewed the happiest people she knew. And then she'd taken all of
00:24:49.854 --> 00:24:55.914
Tamara Zoner: it, science plus personal stories, and put it together in one place with happy for no reason.
00:24:56.154 --> 00:25:02.034
Tamara Zoner: So I went through her training. And I love it so much because it is really grounded in research.
00:25:02.254 --> 00:25:08.174
Tamara Zoner: And I'm a Capricorn, and I'm an academic, and I like grounded scientific research
00:25:08.174 --> 00:25:11.974
Tamara Zoner: and evidence paired with anything is possible.
00:25:12.874 --> 00:25:14.714
Tamara Zoner: Manifestation, we can create what we want.
00:25:16.174 --> 00:25:19.634
Tamara Zoner: So I decided to go through
00:25:19.634 --> 00:25:22.474
Tamara Zoner: that training and then I as we opened up a
00:25:22.474 --> 00:25:27.214
Tamara Zoner: little bit more and more and residents whenever there was were no cases of COVID
00:25:27.214 --> 00:25:30.994
Tamara Zoner: in the building then I could have small groups together I could have up to 10
00:25:30.994 --> 00:25:36.254
Tamara Zoner: residents at a time in this large lecture room that we had all spaced out but
00:25:36.254 --> 00:25:40.754
Tamara Zoner: I couldn't hire anybody and one of our our pillars was lifelong learning,
00:25:41.334 --> 00:25:45.134
Tamara Zoner: And so normally I had art lectures and history lectures and all these wonderful
00:25:45.134 --> 00:25:50.434
Tamara Zoner: things and people come in, but nobody could come in. So I started giving happiness lectures.
00:25:52.353 --> 00:25:57.193
Tamara Zoner: I thought, why not practice on them to practice my own speaking skills,
00:25:57.333 --> 00:26:02.013
Tamara Zoner: to really learn this material and the research and, and then share something that could work.
00:26:02.113 --> 00:26:07.713
Tamara Zoner: Why have I been keeping my coaching self so separate from my director of life
00:26:07.713 --> 00:26:11.973
Tamara Zoner: enrichment self when really it's all me and it's all good for them.
00:26:12.153 --> 00:26:19.033
Tamara Zoner: So I started giving these lectures and almost all of my 130 residents eventually went through it.
00:26:19.213 --> 00:26:22.573
Tamara Zoner: I taught it week after week, after week, after week, after week.
00:26:22.973 --> 00:26:27.353
Tamara Zoner: And I had multiple residents tell me that I changed their lives.
00:26:28.393 --> 00:26:35.253
Tamara Zoner: One specifically who said, Tamara, I've been so depressed and I didn't like
00:26:35.253 --> 00:26:38.373
Tamara Zoner: the way medicine made me feel. I didn't like taking the pills.
00:26:38.613 --> 00:26:42.413
Tamara Zoner: I couldn't see a way out of my depression, but you gave me a way out.
00:26:44.233 --> 00:26:47.493
Tamara Zoner: Through practicing skills of happiness.
00:26:47.573 --> 00:26:53.413
Tamara Zoner: And I thought, oh my gosh, I can't just keep this in the doors of the senior community.
00:26:53.753 --> 00:27:00.393
Tamara Zoner: It's time for me to go full-time. And now I felt like I had a tangible way to reach more people.
00:27:00.633 --> 00:27:04.733
Tamara Zoner: And I also had another really good tax return.
00:27:06.013 --> 00:27:10.533
Tamara Zoner: So I had a little bit of a cushion that would get me through a few months of
00:27:10.533 --> 00:27:12.273
Tamara Zoner: not having a steady paycheck.
00:27:13.233 --> 00:27:19.773
Tamara Zoner: And I took the chance. I took the chance because I know now that the how is none of my business.
00:27:20.033 --> 00:27:25.833
Tamara Zoner: My attention is to be on the what I want to create. And then I take action toward it.
00:27:26.253 --> 00:27:30.653
Tamara Zoner: And the how shows up. That's the inspiration part, right? I've got the grit.
00:27:31.673 --> 00:27:39.333
Tamara Zoner: There's some grace involved. And then I take inspired action and life unfolds better and better.
00:27:39.813 --> 00:27:43.973
Tamara Zoner: And that doesn't mean it's without challenges or hard times or frustrating moments.
00:27:43.973 --> 00:27:48.513
Tamara Zoner: But that's why I love this practice of happiness so much.
00:27:48.613 --> 00:27:56.053
Tamara Zoner: Because if we simply tap into checking our mindsets, questioning our thoughts, this is huge.
00:27:56.193 --> 00:28:00.193
Tamara Zoner: Most people don't. We have 60,000 thoughts a day on average.
00:28:00.893 --> 00:28:04.693
Tamara Zoner: 95% of them are repeated day after day after day. I'm stuck.
00:28:04.793 --> 00:28:07.153
Tamara Zoner: I'm stuck. I'm stuck. I can't, I can't, I can't.
00:28:07.593 --> 00:28:13.093
Tamara Zoner: 80% of them are negative. But if we take a breath and create the space to question
00:28:13.093 --> 00:28:14.273
Tamara Zoner: those thoughts, is that true?
00:28:15.393 --> 00:28:17.533
Tamara Zoner: What does that belief serve me?
00:28:18.693 --> 00:28:22.893
Tamara Zoner: What I'm thinking negative, all these negatives, like what are some positives?
00:28:23.013 --> 00:28:26.013
Tamara Zoner: What's actually good in my life right now? We turn to a little bit of gratitude.
00:28:26.093 --> 00:28:27.713
Tamara Zoner: We start practicing that.
00:28:28.193 --> 00:28:32.533
Tamara Zoner: And slowly we shift toward more authentically positive.
00:28:34.124 --> 00:28:34.584
Kevin Lowe: Hmm.
00:28:35.224 --> 00:28:39.204
Tamara Zoner: I don't believe in fake it. I don't believe in fake or toxic positivity.
00:28:39.484 --> 00:28:42.864
Tamara Zoner: I believe that you, every one of us has something good in our lives,
00:28:43.044 --> 00:28:44.924
Tamara Zoner: no matter how hard it feels right now.
00:28:45.404 --> 00:28:51.344
Tamara Zoner: And if we can just put more attention on that, then that's what grows stronger.
00:28:51.504 --> 00:28:59.504
Tamara Zoner: That feeling, that open path, that what can I do instead of what can't I do?
00:29:00.084 --> 00:29:02.144
Tamara Zoner: That's how we make changes in our lives.
00:29:02.384 --> 00:29:05.884
Kevin Lowe: Wow. You referenced the term like skill.
00:29:06.464 --> 00:29:17.444
Kevin Lowe: Now, do you view happiness itself is a skill or that there's skills involved to achieve happiness?
00:29:18.184 --> 00:29:23.104
Tamara Zoner: Yeah, there are skills involved in experiencing happiness.
00:29:23.104 --> 00:29:27.144
Tamara Zoner: And I don't think it's anything anyone has to achieve because if you really
00:29:27.144 --> 00:29:31.264
Tamara Zoner: look at your life, your day, you've had some moments of happiness, right?
00:29:31.264 --> 00:29:37.984
Tamara Zoner: It's not someplace to get to, but there are practical skills that help us build
00:29:37.984 --> 00:29:43.904
Tamara Zoner: feelings of happiness so that we feel more content,
00:29:44.304 --> 00:29:51.144
Tamara Zoner: more joy, happier, more often than we feel that the stuff we want to avoid,
00:29:51.384 --> 00:29:55.204
Tamara Zoner: the negatives, but it's all important, right? It's all part of this human experience.
00:29:55.724 --> 00:30:01.064
Tamara Zoner: And one of the things that I love to teach people is how to actually gently
00:30:01.064 --> 00:30:06.524
Tamara Zoner: lean into those uncomfortable feelings that we don't want to have and to honor
00:30:06.524 --> 00:30:09.284
Tamara Zoner: those too, because that's where we can grow.
00:30:09.644 --> 00:30:16.964
Tamara Zoner: You know, if we talk everything under the rug, it gets pretty lumpy and suddenly
00:30:16.964 --> 00:30:18.904
Tamara Zoner: it hurts to walk over that part of the floor.
00:30:19.464 --> 00:30:21.644
Tamara Zoner: Eventually, we're going to have to do something.
00:30:22.544 --> 00:30:29.264
Tamara Zoner: If we are willing and courageous enough to start to gently lean into any uncomfortable
00:30:29.264 --> 00:30:32.104
Tamara Zoner: emotion, then we never are sweeping stuff under the rug.
00:30:32.564 --> 00:30:37.324
Tamara Zoner: There's no big, big cleaning job that needs to happen because we're maintaining.
00:30:38.704 --> 00:30:42.044
Kevin Lowe: Wow. I love it so very much.
00:30:42.044 --> 00:30:48.144
Kevin Lowe: The whole thing of happiness, I guess the next thing is, is we continue to pick
00:30:48.144 --> 00:30:56.884
Kevin Lowe: your mind around this whole thing of happiness is we, we talked earlier about fun, but what about,
00:30:57.164 --> 00:31:02.024
Kevin Lowe: is there a difference do you feel between say happiness,
00:31:02.484 --> 00:31:04.104
Kevin Lowe: fun, and joy? Yeah.
00:31:05.065 --> 00:31:06.765
Kevin Lowe: Or are they all one in the same?
00:31:07.405 --> 00:31:12.005
Tamara Zoner: I think they're all linked. I think that they're all variations of happiness
00:31:12.005 --> 00:31:13.445
Tamara Zoner: or contentedness, right?
00:31:13.705 --> 00:31:23.105
Tamara Zoner: So we can be overarchingly happy, but not necessarily feeling big moments of joy every moment.
00:31:23.565 --> 00:31:26.405
Tamara Zoner: Or we could feel content, right?
00:31:26.525 --> 00:31:31.585
Tamara Zoner: Like the definition that I still use today for happiness comes from Marcy Shymoff's
00:31:31.585 --> 00:31:35.545
Tamara Zoner: book, Happy for No Reason. And it is an inner sense of peace and well-being
00:31:35.545 --> 00:31:37.745
Tamara Zoner: that doesn't depend on circumstances.
00:31:38.045 --> 00:31:41.685
Tamara Zoner: So this inner sense of peace and well-being. And that doesn't mean we're always
00:31:41.685 --> 00:31:44.985
Tamara Zoner: just like skipping and laughing and having so much fun.
00:31:45.545 --> 00:31:52.665
Tamara Zoner: It also means that sometimes we're just neutrally content, like at ease, fulfilled.
00:31:53.905 --> 00:31:57.325
Tamara Zoner: And when the harder stuff hits
00:31:57.325 --> 00:32:01.185
Tamara Zoner: then we have resources to
00:32:01.185 --> 00:32:04.365
Tamara Zoner: move through them more easily and efficiently than
00:32:04.365 --> 00:32:07.165
Tamara Zoner: maybe we used to maybe we used to get stuck in the
00:32:07.165 --> 00:32:15.085
Tamara Zoner: down the fear the scarcity the lack the pain now if we have practiced the skills
00:32:15.085 --> 00:32:25.305
Tamara Zoner: of happiness we can move through the hard stuff much more quickly and get back to, oh, I'm okay.
00:32:25.525 --> 00:32:30.965
Tamara Zoner: And then when we're in that, I'm okay. It's easier to access feelings of joy.
00:32:31.165 --> 00:32:36.905
Tamara Zoner: It's easier to lean into having some fun. If I'm miserable and I'm stuck there
00:32:36.905 --> 00:32:41.765
Tamara Zoner: and someone invites me to do something fun, I'll probably decline so that I
00:32:41.765 --> 00:32:43.405
Tamara Zoner: can stay in my misery. Right.
00:32:44.805 --> 00:32:46.105
Tamara Zoner: But if I'm,
00:32:47.304 --> 00:32:52.864
Tamara Zoner: fluid in my emotional states and willing to pass through and experience all
00:32:52.864 --> 00:32:56.564
Tamara Zoner: of it, then if someone invites me to something that sounds fun,
00:32:56.724 --> 00:33:00.264
Tamara Zoner: I'm more likely to say, okay, yeah, I'll try that.
00:33:00.984 --> 00:33:07.584
Tamara Zoner: I deserve fun. I welcome fun. A lot of us don't even feel like we deserve to
00:33:07.584 --> 00:33:11.644
Tamara Zoner: be having fun or joy because we should be doing something else.
00:33:13.224 --> 00:33:16.284
Tamara Zoner: So I like to say bite-sized chunks
00:33:16.284 --> 00:33:19.304
Tamara Zoner: are the key to big transformations so baby
00:33:19.304 --> 00:33:22.424
Tamara Zoner: steps create big change so if you
00:33:22.424 --> 00:33:29.444
Tamara Zoner: were feeling like there isn't any fun or you should be doing something responsible
00:33:29.444 --> 00:33:36.624
Tamara Zoner: maybe you just take a bite of a little fun maybe you just uh skip through your
00:33:36.624 --> 00:33:40.464
Tamara Zoner: living room or do I love Monty Python.
00:33:40.744 --> 00:33:45.964
Tamara Zoner: So I had one client to access his sense of fun.
00:33:46.444 --> 00:33:50.284
Tamara Zoner: I invited him every time he had to get up to the... He worked from home.
00:33:50.424 --> 00:33:53.884
Tamara Zoner: So every time he had to get up to go to the bathroom or get a cup of water or
00:33:53.884 --> 00:33:55.564
Tamara Zoner: a snack, he had to do a silly walk.
00:33:58.924 --> 00:34:05.204
Tamara Zoner: That was his assignment for the week. And just something so simple brought him joy in those moments.
00:34:05.384 --> 00:34:08.484
Tamara Zoner: He's getting up grumbling because his workday is hard. But then he's like,
00:34:08.544 --> 00:34:11.664
Tamara Zoner: oh, yeah, I have to do a silly walk. And he does a silly walk as he walks to
00:34:11.664 --> 00:34:13.364
Tamara Zoner: the kitchen. And now he's laughing.
00:34:14.064 --> 00:34:14.264
Kevin Lowe: Yeah.
00:34:14.684 --> 00:34:17.264
Tamara Zoner: It takes no time at all. It's nothing extra.
00:34:18.484 --> 00:34:27.624
Kevin Lowe: Yeah, I love that. Now, do you believe that some people are naturally,
00:34:27.624 --> 00:34:30.764
Kevin Lowe: say, more happier than others?
00:34:30.764 --> 00:34:39.264
Kevin Lowe: And therefore, this whole idea of kind of being happy, having happiness is easier
00:34:39.264 --> 00:34:40.784
Kevin Lowe: for some than it is for others.
00:34:42.605 --> 00:34:45.985
Tamara Zoner: Yes, I actually do. And also the science backs that up.
00:34:46.145 --> 00:34:52.145
Tamara Zoner: So we have what researchers have started calling a happiness set point.
00:34:52.905 --> 00:34:59.165
Tamara Zoner: And if I set my living room thermostat at 70 degrees, no matter how hot or how
00:34:59.165 --> 00:35:01.185
Tamara Zoner: cold it gets outside, it's going to stay at 70.
00:35:01.505 --> 00:35:03.625
Tamara Zoner: Maybe my happiness set point is the same.
00:35:03.965 --> 00:35:05.985
Tamara Zoner: My sister's is lower than mine.
00:35:07.185 --> 00:35:11.525
Tamara Zoner: I think I came in with a pretty high happiness set point, which is why I was
00:35:11.525 --> 00:35:15.485
Tamara Zoner: able to recognize when I was so unhappy and go, wait a second,
00:35:15.485 --> 00:35:16.905
Tamara Zoner: I wasn't always this way.
00:35:17.065 --> 00:35:23.145
Tamara Zoner: So yes, some people have a lower set point than others and it's not fixed.
00:35:23.825 --> 00:35:29.265
Tamara Zoner: We can crank it up. We can turn up the happiness heat through the practices
00:35:29.265 --> 00:35:33.465
Tamara Zoner: and the skills of happiness, through checking your mindset, through opening
00:35:33.465 --> 00:35:35.745
Tamara Zoner: your heart and forgiving instead of holding on to resentment,
00:35:36.165 --> 00:35:39.625
Tamara Zoner: through taking care of your physical body with sleep and food and exercise,
00:35:39.625 --> 00:35:42.965
Tamara Zoner: through all these different seven main areas of happiness.
00:35:42.965 --> 00:35:48.365
Tamara Zoner: If we give our attention and start taking care of ourselves in those areas,
00:35:48.365 --> 00:35:50.085
Tamara Zoner: those are the skills we practice, right?
00:35:50.245 --> 00:35:54.585
Tamara Zoner: We actually can change our neurology to be happier.
00:35:54.765 --> 00:35:58.425
Tamara Zoner: So we create neural pathways every time we do something new and we strengthen
00:35:58.425 --> 00:36:01.005
Tamara Zoner: those neural pathways every time we repeat something.
00:36:01.245 --> 00:36:06.645
Tamara Zoner: So most of us have really, really strong negative neural pathways, right?
00:36:06.965 --> 00:36:11.605
Tamara Zoner: And that served us. That's why we evolved into this cozy, comfy civilization
00:36:11.605 --> 00:36:15.445
Tamara Zoner: that most of us experience instead of living in caves and on rocks and running
00:36:15.445 --> 00:36:16.545
Tamara Zoner: away from saber-toothed tigers.
00:36:17.759 --> 00:36:21.079
Tamara Zoner: We were aware of the dangers, the brain pays attention to them so we can get
00:36:21.079 --> 00:36:22.859
Tamara Zoner: away from them fast or avoid them in the future.
00:36:23.159 --> 00:36:28.479
Tamara Zoner: Our brain hasn't evolved like civilization has. So our brain is still reacting
00:36:28.479 --> 00:36:30.079
Tamara Zoner: as if everything's an emergency.
00:36:30.719 --> 00:36:35.819
Tamara Zoner: And if we do nothing, if we just sleepwalk through life, like I think a lot
00:36:35.819 --> 00:36:38.539
Tamara Zoner: of people do, then that's how we'll live.
00:36:39.479 --> 00:36:45.619
Tamara Zoner: But if we take action to create more conscious awareness in our lives,
00:36:45.739 --> 00:36:50.699
Tamara Zoner: in ourselves, then we can say, well, wait, I'm actually going to practice the
00:36:50.699 --> 00:36:53.839
Tamara Zoner: skill of paying attention to what's good around me.
00:36:53.979 --> 00:36:58.139
Tamara Zoner: So I'm going to stop right now and look around me and find three things that
00:36:58.139 --> 00:36:59.899
Tamara Zoner: are good. Three positives.
00:37:00.359 --> 00:37:04.279
Tamara Zoner: Like the dog is sleeping peacefully. The sun is shining through the window,
00:37:04.459 --> 00:37:06.939
Tamara Zoner: lighting up my plant. And oh, look, my plant has new growth.
00:37:07.139 --> 00:37:08.319
Tamara Zoner: I love that. That's great.
00:37:08.579 --> 00:37:13.599
Tamara Zoner: Three good things right there. strengthening neural pathways toward the positive.
00:37:13.999 --> 00:37:20.439
Tamara Zoner: And what we want to do and what happier people have done is exercise the positive
00:37:20.439 --> 00:37:26.319
Tamara Zoner: neural pathways. We've worked them to strengthen them. So now they're stronger than the negative.
00:37:27.619 --> 00:37:33.499
Kevin Lowe: Amazing. So powerful. I guess I'm listening to you and I'm like,
00:37:33.739 --> 00:37:38.099
Kevin Lowe: wow, I never knew there was so much involved in happiness.
00:37:40.519 --> 00:37:45.259
Tamara Zoner: And I love that awareness because that's the problem. I think most people don't
00:37:45.259 --> 00:37:48.959
Tamara Zoner: realize it's anything we're supposed to work at, but it really is.
00:37:49.059 --> 00:37:53.739
Tamara Zoner: If we want to feel good, we have to put effort forth into feeling good.
00:37:53.879 --> 00:37:59.519
Tamara Zoner: I made a cute little meme one time about it, that misery is easy.
00:37:59.779 --> 00:38:02.059
Tamara Zoner: It's happiness that takes effort.
00:38:03.299 --> 00:38:06.759
Kevin Lowe: Yeah, it is. I agree. I agree 100%.
00:38:06.759 --> 00:38:09.739
Kevin Lowe: Now with all of this
00:38:09.739 --> 00:38:12.519
Kevin Lowe: just bomb of knowledge you've dropped in
00:38:12.519 --> 00:38:19.139
Kevin Lowe: our lap about happiness tell me what exactly are you doing today kind of fast
00:38:19.139 --> 00:38:24.659
Kevin Lowe: forwarding in this journey we we we talked about the last time that you were
00:38:24.659 --> 00:38:28.239
Kevin Lowe: still working with the seniors and then you you realized you had to take this
00:38:28.239 --> 00:38:31.319
Kevin Lowe: show on the road and so where has it led to
00:38:32.325 --> 00:38:37.785
Tamara Zoner: So today I speak and coach almost full-time, however much I want to.
00:38:38.225 --> 00:38:43.765
Tamara Zoner: And I have private clients, group clients. And this year I did my first retreat.
00:38:44.125 --> 00:38:49.085
Tamara Zoner: It was amazing. So I'm repeating it in 2025. In May, 2025, I'll be doing a radiant
00:38:49.085 --> 00:38:53.105
Tamara Zoner: happiness retreat right here in beautiful, pure Michigan.
00:38:53.105 --> 00:38:59.425
Tamara Zoner: And it's something I love to do so much is to really help people build the skills
00:38:59.425 --> 00:39:04.265
Tamara Zoner: to be happier, to be more loving, kind and compassionate to themselves.
00:39:04.665 --> 00:39:10.985
Tamara Zoner: And so that's what I do primarily. I also have recently taken on yoga teacher training.
00:39:11.125 --> 00:39:15.785
Tamara Zoner: I'm a meditation teacher already and I've been doing yoga for the last 30 years
00:39:15.785 --> 00:39:18.125
Tamara Zoner: and I walked into a studio last October.
00:39:18.125 --> 00:39:24.485
Tamara Zoner: It's been just a year and I haven't left since essentially it's around the corner
00:39:24.485 --> 00:39:28.185
Tamara Zoner: from my house. I started doing my meetups there.
00:39:28.525 --> 00:39:33.205
Tamara Zoner: I run their wellness weekends. So I talk about all of these things in a slightly
00:39:33.205 --> 00:39:39.525
Tamara Zoner: longer format, a workshop format, and teach people the skills and actions and habits of happiness.
00:39:40.125 --> 00:39:45.925
Tamara Zoner: And soon I'll be adding yoga to my tool belts for others so that I can teach
00:39:45.925 --> 00:39:52.125
Tamara Zoner: and guide others in movement as well, because that's such a vital part of our well-being.
00:39:52.425 --> 00:39:55.405
Tamara Zoner: I love it so much. So that's how I play, Kevin.
00:39:55.685 --> 00:40:01.005
Tamara Zoner: I get to help people tap into what makes them feel alive and then teach them
00:40:01.005 --> 00:40:04.085
Tamara Zoner: the skills to back it up so that they can actually create a life they love.
00:40:04.225 --> 00:40:06.885
Tamara Zoner: Now, not like 10 years in the future, but today.
00:40:08.325 --> 00:40:14.185
Kevin Lowe: Well, thank you for segwaying perfectly into my next question because you,
00:40:14.545 --> 00:40:19.025
Kevin Lowe: I guess, is it your brand, But it's called A Life You Love Now.
00:40:20.235 --> 00:40:27.275
Kevin Lowe: And what I wanted to ask when I when I read that is, how do you get that?
00:40:27.775 --> 00:40:30.655
Kevin Lowe: How do you how do you get a life that you love?
00:40:30.855 --> 00:40:36.515
Tamara Zoner: You first have to get clear on what that would look like and feel like for you.
00:40:36.735 --> 00:40:42.415
Tamara Zoner: So that's where the passion test comes into play, is identifying what would
00:40:42.415 --> 00:40:45.675
Tamara Zoner: make you feel really good in your life.
00:40:45.835 --> 00:40:48.735
Tamara Zoner: Like, what do you want your relationships to look like? Like relationships with
00:40:48.735 --> 00:40:50.435
Tamara Zoner: others and relationships with self.
00:40:50.875 --> 00:40:54.435
Tamara Zoner: Most important relationship with self. What do you want your environment to
00:40:54.435 --> 00:40:58.435
Tamara Zoner: look like? Your career, your spiritual relationship, your health,
00:40:58.795 --> 00:41:01.095
Tamara Zoner: your well-being, who do you see in the mirror?
00:41:01.235 --> 00:41:03.755
Tamara Zoner: Do you like them or do you want to like them?
00:41:04.315 --> 00:41:09.415
Tamara Zoner: So we start there and you can love your life now.
00:41:09.575 --> 00:41:13.715
Tamara Zoner: This is why I put the, originally I put the now on the end of that because the
00:41:13.715 --> 00:41:18.275
Tamara Zoner: creative the life you love and a life you love wasn't available as a domain.
00:41:18.795 --> 00:41:25.255
Tamara Zoner: So again, I say it's synchronicity at play, but I added the now and that is
00:41:25.255 --> 00:41:26.915
Tamara Zoner: the thing that impacts most people.
00:41:27.115 --> 00:41:31.615
Tamara Zoner: They say, I really loved the now part because it made it really present because
00:41:31.615 --> 00:41:33.095
Tamara Zoner: you can love your life now.
00:41:33.295 --> 00:41:38.675
Tamara Zoner: You don't have to love every part of your life now, but there are parts of your
00:41:38.675 --> 00:41:40.955
Tamara Zoner: life that you probably love now.
00:41:41.235 --> 00:41:48.915
Tamara Zoner: And when we are mired in the misery, it's harder to see those and feel those, the good stuff.
00:41:49.155 --> 00:41:53.475
Tamara Zoner: And so what I want people to know is that all you have to do is start looking
00:41:53.475 --> 00:41:57.655
Tamara Zoner: for it and you'll start to see it and to feel it.
00:41:57.775 --> 00:42:00.315
Tamara Zoner: And so that now means we're not working.
00:42:00.495 --> 00:42:08.215
Tamara Zoner: We are working on future goals when I work with clients and we're experiencing them now, right now.
00:42:08.415 --> 00:42:14.295
Tamara Zoner: You can smile and you can feel the effects of that right now.
00:42:15.329 --> 00:42:22.529
Kevin Lowe: Yeah, I love that so much because that is, it's such a simple word,
00:42:22.669 --> 00:42:28.729
Kevin Lowe: yet it holds such impact of the word now that it can happen right now.
00:42:29.029 --> 00:42:35.409
Kevin Lowe: And I think, if anything, I hope for the person listening today who's maybe
00:42:35.409 --> 00:42:40.289
Kevin Lowe: struggling, that maybe that can give them some hope is that it's not something
00:42:40.289 --> 00:42:43.329
Kevin Lowe: that has to be far off. It can happen right now.
00:42:43.649 --> 00:42:50.209
Kevin Lowe: Yes. Yeah. For somebody who would love to learn more about you and what you
00:42:50.209 --> 00:42:54.409
Kevin Lowe: do and to get plugged in with your world, where can we send them?
00:42:54.529 --> 00:42:57.009
Kevin Lowe: What can we tell them? Give me all the details.
00:42:57.969 --> 00:43:02.309
Tamara Zoner: I play a lot on Facebook and Instagram, so you can find me there.
00:43:02.429 --> 00:43:06.749
Tamara Zoner: And my name is fairly unique. I don't think there's any more than one other
00:43:06.749 --> 00:43:08.149
Tamara Zoner: Tamara's owner in the whole world.
00:43:08.909 --> 00:43:12.169
Tamara Zoner: And she puts everything in Spanish, so that's not me.
00:43:14.549 --> 00:43:18.329
Tamara Zoner: So she probably also pronounces her name differently and you
00:43:18.329 --> 00:43:21.049
Tamara Zoner: can look at tamra's owner.com we'll take you to my website at life
00:43:21.049 --> 00:43:24.469
Tamara Zoner: you love now.com facebook meetup if
00:43:24.469 --> 00:43:27.189
Tamara Zoner: you happen to be local to the detroit metro area i do a
00:43:27.189 --> 00:43:34.809
Tamara Zoner: lot of in-person events i love a good hug so we we meet up a lot in person and
00:43:34.809 --> 00:43:40.249
Tamara Zoner: that's how you can get in touch with me and i do offer a free 30 minute session
00:43:40.249 --> 00:43:44.709
Tamara Zoner: to help people kind of get on their pathway to happiness.
00:43:44.709 --> 00:43:52.989
Tamara Zoner: And you will walk away with a tool today that will help you ask access joy,
00:43:53.329 --> 00:43:57.409
Tamara Zoner: access possibility, access loving your life right now.
00:43:57.829 --> 00:44:00.229
Tamara Zoner: If you're open to it, if you're willing.
00:44:00.909 --> 00:44:05.969
Kevin Lowe: Yeah. Amazing. Well, I have just one last question for you today.
00:44:05.969 --> 00:44:12.609
Kevin Lowe: And it's something that I actually thought about while we were talking is say
00:44:12.609 --> 00:44:19.709
Kevin Lowe: that you're working on this yourself about focusing on happiness in creating a happier life.
00:44:20.169 --> 00:44:24.889
Kevin Lowe: How can somebody try to get their
00:44:24.889 --> 00:44:28.749
Kevin Lowe: family involved in this also so that they're not just doing it alone,
00:44:28.749 --> 00:44:35.169
Kevin Lowe: whether they're a single mom and it's their kids or whether it's a couple married and no children?
00:44:35.689 --> 00:44:40.949
Kevin Lowe: Whatever the family dynamic is, is there any advice that you would give to them
00:44:40.949 --> 00:44:43.709
Kevin Lowe: of how to get everybody possibly involved?
00:44:44.429 --> 00:44:48.769
Tamara Zoner: I love that question so much because it is so hard to do it all alone.
00:44:49.907 --> 00:44:55.487
Tamara Zoner: So a couple of different answers for the single parents, get your kids involved,
00:44:56.447 --> 00:44:58.047
Tamara Zoner: invite them to be team players.
00:44:58.227 --> 00:45:03.147
Tamara Zoner: So when I was in all my misery and really realizing that I needed to change
00:45:03.147 --> 00:45:05.287
Tamara Zoner: my life, it was because I was yelling at my kids.
00:45:05.407 --> 00:45:06.667
Tamara Zoner: That was my big indicator of
00:45:06.667 --> 00:45:10.087
Tamara Zoner: I am not okay right now. I'm yelling at these beautiful, precious beings.
00:45:10.627 --> 00:45:13.887
Tamara Zoner: And so one of my first decisions was to stop yelling.
00:45:14.007 --> 00:45:18.327
Tamara Zoner: And when I learned a little bit more, I put my attention on speaking with loving
00:45:18.327 --> 00:45:19.767
Tamara Zoner: kindness to my children.
00:45:20.067 --> 00:45:23.607
Tamara Zoner: And so I asked them to help me with that.
00:45:23.807 --> 00:45:30.887
Tamara Zoner: I said, we're a team and I am trying to, to be kinder and to respond slower
00:45:30.887 --> 00:45:34.807
Tamara Zoner: and not react to you guys when I, when something upsets me. So I'm wondering
00:45:34.807 --> 00:45:36.047
Tamara Zoner: if you could help me with that.
00:45:36.327 --> 00:45:41.007
Tamara Zoner: Here's how you can help. So I gave them specific information. Here's how you can help.
00:45:41.507 --> 00:45:44.107
Tamara Zoner: You could actually do what I asked you to do.
00:45:46.847 --> 00:45:49.707
Tamara Zoner: Right kids you could if you see me
00:45:49.707 --> 00:45:53.087
Tamara Zoner: getting frustrated maybe come and give me a hug you know
00:45:53.087 --> 00:45:57.407
Tamara Zoner: whatever i knew would work for me and my my my oldest was so brilliant at that
00:45:57.407 --> 00:46:01.087
Tamara Zoner: she would see me getting upset with a younger sibling and she would come over
00:46:01.087 --> 00:46:08.827
Tamara Zoner: and hug me and it worked every time but if you don't like that then you give
00:46:08.827 --> 00:46:11.847
Tamara Zoner: them different directions a spouse or a partner or a close friend,
00:46:12.027 --> 00:46:16.247
Tamara Zoner: like accountability is so vital for us. This is why coaches are coaches, right?
00:46:16.427 --> 00:46:20.647
Tamara Zoner: We know how hard it is. I know from personal experience, how hard it is to make
00:46:20.647 --> 00:46:23.947
Tamara Zoner: these big changes and stick with them.
00:46:25.196 --> 00:46:30.576
Tamara Zoner: Alone. It's really hard because the brain loves status quo, even if it doesn't feel good.
00:46:30.876 --> 00:46:34.476
Tamara Zoner: So it's very important to have an accountability partner.
00:46:34.556 --> 00:46:37.676
Tamara Zoner: And if it's your spouse or a close friend, or even a colleague,
00:46:37.856 --> 00:46:41.216
Tamara Zoner: you can say, Hey, I'm, I'm working on this.
00:46:41.436 --> 00:46:44.016
Tamara Zoner: Would you like to work on it together?
00:46:44.396 --> 00:46:48.216
Tamara Zoner: But then get specific and make it tangible and measurable.
00:46:48.536 --> 00:46:54.136
Tamara Zoner: So if I say I'm working on noticing more good in my life.
00:46:54.436 --> 00:46:57.056
Tamara Zoner: Okay. That's, that's great. And that's kind of fluffy.
00:46:57.496 --> 00:47:00.536
Tamara Zoner: So here's the action I'd like to take.
00:47:00.836 --> 00:47:06.056
Tamara Zoner: Oh, every day at four o'clock, could we meet and share, uh, three good things
00:47:06.056 --> 00:47:07.116
Tamara Zoner: from our experience today?
00:47:08.636 --> 00:47:12.836
Tamara Zoner: Okay. So like at my dinner table, every night I ask my family and now I have
00:47:12.836 --> 00:47:14.456
Tamara Zoner: a wonderful partner who is healthy.
00:47:15.376 --> 00:47:19.216
Tamara Zoner: What was the best part of your day? And sometimes they struggle to come up with
00:47:19.216 --> 00:47:22.716
Tamara Zoner: something. And sometimes there's an overflow of, oh, how can I choose just one thing?
00:47:22.976 --> 00:47:26.596
Tamara Zoner: But the whole point is to simply put their attention on something good in their
00:47:26.596 --> 00:47:29.236
Tamara Zoner: day. So we go through reflecting on the day.
00:47:29.596 --> 00:47:33.736
Tamara Zoner: Oh, that was good. My friend made me laugh or somebody held the door open for me.
00:47:33.936 --> 00:47:39.796
Tamara Zoner: Or like last night for me, the gatekeeper at the guard house of my kids when
00:47:39.796 --> 00:47:42.996
Tamara Zoner: they're with their dad, he flirted with me and that was super funny and fun.
00:47:43.376 --> 00:47:49.476
Tamara Zoner: So, you know, it was like, oh, why haven't I seen you around before?
00:47:49.956 --> 00:47:52.576
Tamara Zoner: And I was like, I usually come earlier in the day. And he said,
00:47:52.656 --> 00:47:54.796
Tamara Zoner: well, I get off at 10 since you're here late.
00:47:57.016 --> 00:48:01.456
Tamara Zoner: And it was so cute and sweet and fun. So like just noticing the moments of your
00:48:01.456 --> 00:48:05.996
Tamara Zoner: day that are good and sharing it with your partner or friend or accountability
00:48:05.996 --> 00:48:08.696
Tamara Zoner: partner, whoever that is, and deciding together,
00:48:10.072 --> 00:48:14.152
Tamara Zoner: Even if it's just for five minutes a day, you're going to really put your attention
00:48:14.152 --> 00:48:15.612
Tamara Zoner: on the good stuff in your life.
00:48:15.672 --> 00:48:19.152
Tamara Zoner: Or maybe you're at work and you
00:48:19.152 --> 00:48:24.512
Tamara Zoner: say, hey, I'd like to have a five-minute dance party every day at 1.15.
00:48:24.552 --> 00:48:27.412
Tamara Zoner: Are you in? Will you come dance with me?
00:48:28.092 --> 00:48:32.852
Tamara Zoner: And you do that. It can be so easy. And I really, really feel that the smallest
00:48:32.852 --> 00:48:39.972
Tamara Zoner: actions are the most sustainable because we don't overwhelm our system with a big leap,
00:48:40.192 --> 00:48:45.932
Tamara Zoner: it's really hard for our brains to sustain big change all at once.
00:48:45.932 --> 00:48:51.772
Tamara Zoner: We need to take baby steps to allow our whole nervous system to move along at
00:48:51.772 --> 00:48:54.352
Tamara Zoner: a pace that's comfortable for the subconscious mind.
00:48:54.932 --> 00:48:58.632
Tamara Zoner: Its job is to protect us and it doesn't always work out the way we want it.
00:48:58.792 --> 00:49:04.252
Tamara Zoner: So having a partner in transformation is so important.
00:49:04.352 --> 00:49:07.792
Tamara Zoner: So I'd love that you ask that question. Just tell them what you want.
00:49:08.212 --> 00:49:13.432
Tamara Zoner: Ask them if they're on board and then create a daily action together and then
00:49:13.432 --> 00:49:15.612
Tamara Zoner: hold each other accountable in it.
00:49:16.212 --> 00:49:21.832
Kevin Lowe: Yeah. And, you know, what I picked up on was one of the most simplest things
00:49:21.832 --> 00:49:28.772
Kevin Lowe: that we could possibly do is change up the way we frame our questions is it's
00:49:28.772 --> 00:49:31.312
Kevin Lowe: so common when everybody gets home in the evening,
00:49:31.312 --> 00:49:36.892
Kevin Lowe: you say, oh how was your day and we default to all the negative bad stuff that happened
00:49:37.892 --> 00:49:41.032
Kevin Lowe: instead asking hey what was the best part about your day
00:49:42.301 --> 00:49:44.101
Kevin Lowe: It just flips that script in
00:49:44.101 --> 00:49:48.321
Kevin Lowe: the whole conversation and changes the whole mood. And I just love that.
00:49:48.841 --> 00:49:53.661
Tamara Zoner: I love that. That is one of my favorite things. I'll teach people to ask what's
00:49:53.661 --> 00:49:55.401
Tamara Zoner: good with you instead of how are you?
00:49:56.481 --> 00:49:58.781
Kevin Lowe: Yes. Yes. I love it.
00:49:59.001 --> 00:50:02.361
Tamara Zoner: Immediately framed for the positive. And then people are like, what's good with me?
00:50:05.981 --> 00:50:06.701
Tamara Zoner: It's great.
00:50:07.081 --> 00:50:09.941
Kevin Lowe: Absolutely. Well, my goodness. Well, Tamara,
00:50:10.221 --> 00:50:14.981
Kevin Lowe: it has been an absolute pleasure today to get to hear a little bit about your story,
00:50:15.161 --> 00:50:21.801
Kevin Lowe: but also just to get to soak up some of your amazing wisdom around a subject
00:50:21.801 --> 00:50:26.381
Kevin Lowe: that's so simple, yet so important of happiness.
00:50:27.221 --> 00:50:32.481
Kevin Lowe: And it has been an absolute joy to have you. And so thank you.
00:50:33.181 --> 00:50:38.041
Tamara Zoner: You're so welcome. Thanks for having me. I truly believe that this feeling of
00:50:38.041 --> 00:50:40.321
Tamara Zoner: happiness is accessible to everyone.
00:50:40.581 --> 00:50:44.841
Tamara Zoner: And sometimes it just takes some practice and someone to light the way and say,
00:50:44.881 --> 00:50:48.361
Tamara Zoner: it's possible for you. I know it because I've been miserable.
00:50:48.481 --> 00:50:52.121
Tamara Zoner: And now I'm one of the happiest people I know. And you can be too.
00:50:52.581 --> 00:50:56.201
Kevin Lowe: Yeah, absolutely. Well, for you listening today,
00:50:56.201 --> 00:51:01.541
Kevin Lowe: if you would love to learn more about this amazing woman, And be sure to check
00:51:01.541 --> 00:51:06.001
Kevin Lowe: out today's show notes, where I will leave all the links to everything she mentioned
00:51:06.001 --> 00:51:08.081
Kevin Lowe: so that you can get plugged into her world.
00:51:08.681 --> 00:51:14.721
Kevin Lowe: And hey, if nothing else, I hope you heard today's episode and maybe put a smile
00:51:14.721 --> 00:51:17.601
Kevin Lowe: on your face and maybe try that today.
00:51:17.941 --> 00:51:21.581
Kevin Lowe: Walk around with a smile. People are going to look at you weird and ask what's
00:51:21.581 --> 00:51:25.421
Kevin Lowe: wrong with you, but maybe they also will start smiling.
00:51:25.941 --> 00:51:31.461
Kevin Lowe: And maybe we can start in kind of infecting the world with a little bit of goodness,
00:51:31.741 --> 00:51:34.201
Kevin Lowe: a little happiness. I think it would go a long way.
00:51:34.701 --> 00:51:39.181
Kevin Lowe: So until next episode, I'm Kevin Lowe. And of course, this was another episode
00:51:39.181 --> 00:51:40.841
Kevin Lowe: of Grit, Grace, and Inspiration.
00:51:40.720 --> 00:52:00.050
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