Welcome to Insider's Guide to the Other Side, a production of iHeartRadio. Hi, y'all, I'm Julie.
Hi there, I'm Brenda. Welcome to Insider's Guide to the Other Side.
Now, y'all need to know that we are obsessed with everything on the other side.
Yes, we are, because once you learn to navigate the energetic, or to some the invisible world, life is going to be more fun and much more serene.
Uh heck, yes it can, because, let's be honest, for in Earth school is hard. In fact, you taught me.
That let's crush Earth School together.
Well, hello, my witchy food. I would ask how are you, but I have a feeling your answer would be, we're still not okay.
Exactly It's exactly right, my elf, my yodeling elf. You know, lots of talents, endless, endless, Yes, yes, yes, And how are you?
You know? I'm actually doing pretty good. Like I'm actually okay, okay, I like, yeah, I'm actually okay. Mostly, I mean we're going to get into some details.
I think we're going to get into it people.
We're going but I think mostly, you know, yeah, I think mostly I'm doing pretty good.
Okay, good, I'm glad to do I'm glad to hear it.
Are you mostly okay?
I am?
I am?
I am doing okay. If I stay in my very narrow bandwidth, which is where I like the you know, when I'm in my house with my dog, I'm okay.
Well, I truly understand that.
When I venture out into the world, it is sometimes stunning, like I am so shocked and caught by surprise and like wow, I mean from people driving crazy to aggression at the grocery store.
I was taking this same thing. I swear hand to my mama that that I was thinking I was. I was had a scenario in my head when I went to our one of our grocery stores is called Smith's here, and there was a guy who was getting ready to run a stop sign and hit me as I was walking across the whatever parking lot to go into the grocery store. And I'm like, no, what's your hurry? I mean, it's still going to be there. Do you need to
kill somebody? And so it's weird. I was just saying in my head, grocery store, what is what the grocery store?
Do you remember when there was a big push to not text and drive where people like had to be told not to text and drive, right.
And they they still do f YI, but continue you.
I was in the grocery store and I was I turned a corner and I actually stood still as I'm watching a guy pushing a cart texting and he was going to hit me direct. I wasn't moving, Like I wasn't moving and I wasn't going to move and say, I'm going to see what this guy's gonna do. He swerved at the last second, and like we now need to not drive grocery carts and text at the same time.
Right, And that wasn't even the worst or what I saw.
Like my so when so my point all this is like just reflecting back to me. You know this this caused me to reflect back when we first did an episode that said, you know, people aren't okay. Right now, they're not okay. And that was almost three years ago, just into the barely into the pandemic.
Probably three four months or three months max. And to the pandemic, we were like, oh, people are not okay, and.
It was weird.
Everything turned upside down, Like you know, for a couple of weeks, you can be shut down and like okay, Well, this is extraordinary and we're all stepping up. But three month a month in two and a month and halfened like what is going on? The isolation, the freak out factor. Going out felt dangerous and threatening, like we were not okay. And then you know, being out in the world, I'm like, we're still not okay.
No, we are still not okay.
It's it's just there's it's we're on a different space of the spectrum of not okay, but it's still not okay.
And I even think there's aspects of it that are still fear based. But I think that we're getting far more complex. I think one of the big reasons that we weren't okay three years ago was there was fear. I mean, if you had to give it a percentage, it would be pretty high. Right. It was the unknown. You know, none of the people alone for the most part, had ever lived through a pandemic. We didn't know what this was going to do. We saw people getting sick,
we saw people and heard of people dying. We didn't know why, you know, all those things. So I think it was very fear. I think now it's different.
Right, it is different because we understand there's a virus. We understand how it's spread, We understand how to prevent it, even though there are different ideas about that, but we understand different ways.
Yeah, a lot of good idea.
Cancel clinic.
It was sarcastic. I'm sarcastic.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, And you know, so now we're re engaging. So I think, like, you know, my gap in reality is, you know, I expect people to re emerge with a little more maybe just a little more awareness, maybe a little more compassion with celebration. And you do see that a little bit, but you also see other behavior that's kind of intense, kind of feral.
Kind of I think is a good word.
Yeah, that's and I get there is an element where some people are less practiced at being out in the world. I consider myself one of those, which is why I'm like, you know, trying, why I'm so aware of these patterns that other people may have adjusted to more than me. But I'm like, do we really want to adjust to these kind of patterns, this kind of aggress aggression that's in the world. And and like you said, maybe it's
still fear, but what what are we afraid of? That's that's kind of what's what's rolling.
Around in exactly On that note, I think we should take a quick break and come back and let's talk about what we're afraid of, because I think that's a lot of.
Things I want to hear. I want to hear what you think, So.
Do I all right, We'll be back.
Everybody, and welcome back.
Oh my god, I just we should actually be recording the video part or not really my hair looks like shit, but it's like, if people can see, it's hilarious. So I'm sorry for the giggling coming into this segment or I'm not really sorry, but my witch is insane. So here's what I think. I think that we're afraid of. I think there's several things, but there's other aspects added
to it. But if you think about it, the way people got sick was from other people, yes, and I don't think we figured out how to be that way again. That a person is not my enemy. You know. I talked a lot about this when we talked about Suzanne's cancer and how I completely overreacted to people getting in my space or did I I don't know, if I
don't want to judge my actions quite yet. But these these people without masks, these people that were in my space when I'm caring for my wife that at the time we didn't know could very well have a deadly disease, they were my enemy. And I also let them know that in the moment. So have we for those who actually believe that COVID is a real thing, because there's
still those that don't. But for the reasonable humans, you know, have we been able to shed that, Have we been able to shed that other humans are actually not our enemy anymore?
Yeah?
I mean that might still be in the nervous system, that might still be in the nervous skins. For me personally, I didn't have like threatening situations.
That the whole time.
You don't leave your house hash take real.
But and you loved it. I mean, it's right, you'll loved it.
Not untrue.
I was, but I'm not obviously not happy about the
reason why I was home all the time. But so today, like like I said, my bandwidth is once I'm out in the world, is my my tolerance is still low for engagements like if something goes off the rails, I'm like, WHOA, I got to step away because I am not a place to navigate this, or I maybe maybe I don't feel safe because I don't know what's going to happen on the end of the navigation, like there's might be tension that I'm not even consciously aware of in the
dialogue with whoever I'm in, Or maybe my capacity is just so diminished because everything feels hard, like you have, you know that we're still experiencing supply chain shortages and things like, it's just.
Harder than we're used to.
You know, maybe I'm just spoiled or entitled in this way that it's like I just not used to it's got to be.
We got to find an easier way.
So I'm aware that my tolerance is lower than normal for things not going according to you know, my sanctioned plan that no one else has sanctioned, you know, no one else is aware of. You know.
Well, I think there's also that term faral. In fact, I said farrel earlier on the show, but you actually said it we weren't recording, and I and I just really was drawn to that because if you think of what the difference between feral and domesticated is, right, it's about socialization, right, And that's what I think we've lost. And I do actually think feral is probably the best word.
It's also probably then this word we could use in this is we need to redomesticate, redomesticate ourselves with other humans because I actually firmly believe that we have forgotten that we are here all together.
Because Yep, when when you think about what makes society, it's like agreed upon interactions or politeness or practices or boundaries, like we agree, and a lot of times those agreements are silent. They're just reinforced with regular repeated exposure.
Yeah, we have social we have unspoken social agreements for sure.
Right, and so when you take away the gathering, do those agreements disintegrate? Right? This is is this what's happened?
I don't know, I really feel the feral part that I really feel that I feel that like a feral cat or any feral animal. But we always talk about feral cats. You know, their goal is to stay alive and to find food and water. Right, that's the goal. That's how you say, for anything, that's how you stay alive. And if you're domesticated, you are looking for community connection, affection, right, like you move up.
Well, yeah, and because food and water is provided.
It's because you already have it exactly right. And if you think about a feral cat, they will fight another animal for that scrap of food, right and don't care what happens to that other creature because that's what they're doing. That's how we're acting well.
And the domestic cat, the domestic cat loses, right because the domestic doesn't doesn't know how to fight like that. It knows how to fight because it's instinctual, but doesn't know like I've practiced this over and over.
Right, and humans, I think what we've ended up and in a place, and we see it play out sometimes in households, neighborhoods, cities, you know, towns, different institutions. I think we see it in government right now more than we've ever seen it. We're not going to turn this political. I mean I would like to, but I won't. But but but you see it like around the world, it's like it's literally insanity because we forgot we're all here. We forgot that we're domesticated.
You know.
I think in a lot of cases that's what's happened. The way that people talk to one another, you know, well.
And nobody's listening, oh faith right, and of course when someone's screaming, you can't hear them, right, when someone's attacking, you don't actually hear them. So we have to Like so for me, when I'm in a situation like hmm, now what I expected, you know, like literally this goes
through my head. This is not what I expected. Okay, I have to make sure for me, I have to slow down how I speak because I tend to speak very quickly, which can feel when if you don't know me, could feel very aggressive, right, it could feel what you know now it's not pleasant, And so I have I slow down how I speak, like, let me see how can we do this? You know, I try and invite them into a you know, co solving situation, like we're in this together, because this is not what I thought
I was getting. I understand it is what you thought you were providing, But you know, how can we renegotiate this and find something that works for everybody?
You know? Like that's but.
I I really have to downshift into RENDI spaciousness and connection, like this is what I'm trying to create in the situation because my goal isn't to make anyone wrong or feel bad about themselves like it or attack when people are so sensitive right now because I'm I'm feeling like I'm conscious that my bandwidth is narrow and my tolerance and capacity at are lower to deal with things outside you know, the norm, but I assume the same is for them.
So that's you know, So.
I totally agree with you. I totally I think that there is that ultra sensitivity, right. And I also think it's really interesting is I've had more strange encounters with strangers. How we are with people that we actually don't know or haven't met prior to as I think we're reckless, and whether it's the grocery store like we talked about, like the confrontation that people do now they come in hot and so my practice has been to stop, drop
and roll. That's what you do when you're on fire, right, Yes, and again, since I am fire and if I have fire coming at me, right, I needed to stop, drop and roll.
Yeah, it's funny because I can. Again, my my engagement in the world is still small, but I can think of three occasions where strangers did something for like one held open the door, one picked up something that dropped when my arms were full like and one woman and I had this little giggle fest as the checkout, like just little like really kind human moments together. And it's it's just interesting, right, It's just interesting.
Maybe I attract the assholes, is what you're saying.
Well, no, no, no, it's not. Well, I'm just I'm just noticing.
But I'm also again, I'm I'm trying to very consciously navigate when I'm out in the world, even though I've got lots of moving through and you know, just like everyone else, right, like I've got to keep these things moving, but trying to create those human moments, trying to plant those seeds of like, hey, remember our humanity, because I do think we've forgotten some of our socialization and some of our socialization standards have have dropped.
Through the through the floor, they've dropped, you know. So I so by tactic that I use when it's a stranger kind of situation because I have sadly had multiple run ins that I've never experienced in my life prior to this, and and it's usually somebody coming in hot and and I'll stop, this is my stop, drop and roll. And what I will do is replay the moment that just happened with some editorial and I'll say, so, we've just met and you just said X, Y and Z.
Do you think that's okay? Like you don't even know who I am. Like I tried it. It's like a it's like a reflection. It's like a mirror. It's like I just want to turn it so they can see how they're acting because it's that absurd.
What's the reaction you get?
They kind of dumbfounded, because I the those that actually bother the look, I think they're dumbfounded. I've had a few apologies. I've had one guy who just kept going on with it. I'm like, oh, dude, I just like I'm walking away from you. You're an asshole. But it's like that's what that's what I feel I can offer them in that moment because I actually don't mind it when somebody does it to me. I really don't, but that's me so but I try to offer it so
they can actually see. Because the moment that somebody's able to see and I don't do it like an asshole. I'm like this, you know, because I can't go asshole real fast.
But you can also be playful really fast.
Oh, I can't. I can't, but I try to acknowledge the environment and world we're in and the feralness of who we are to just let them see, right, because if they can see, a lot of them will.
Be like, oh, okay, yeah I did that. Yeah whoops, yeah.
Yeah, like and then I'll look at them and for the ones who kind of get like, do you want to start again, I'll even tell you my name now. But that's what a stranger I am like, right, It's like how we want to lash out. And I think it's the lashing out that is the part that is so concerning that because when you lash out, like you know, we've talked before, the one there's a few things I really believe are absolutes in the world. And what I do believe is that we treat people how we feel
about ourselves. So if this is an indication of how the inner workings are of our citizens, the world population, we feel pretty fucking shitty the way we're acting.
And this is what I'm saying. We're not okay.
People are not okay, and I just think, you know, like I feel like that's kind of my mantra. No one's at their best right now, So I've got to be I have to be a plus in their day, whatever our exchange is, because people are like dying by ten thousand paper cuts. So I was in line someplace and the person in front was just going in front of me, was going off on the clerk, and when I got up there, I just said, I'm so sorry that happened. You know that their day is going to
be a lot worse than yours. I'm so sorry, you know, And like you could just see like she's like, oh my god, you're not going to attack me to you know, like she was just relieved, right, I mean, because you can't. They can't hold all that, and no one can and no one should have to.
And so Brenda, by the way, everybody needs to think that if you continually treat people like that. I'm assuming as a woman who is a clerk some show, was it a man or a woman woman that don't be surprised when nobody wants those jobs. Don't be surprised when nobody wants to take care of you or or service you or whatever. If that's it. Don't be surprised if
you're standing there and nobody's there to help you. Don't that happened in the in the thick of In fact, I think we talked about it years ago, how people were treating delivery drivers like those that were uh clerks that at registers, waiters, they were all wanting they were all quitting because they were being treated so horribly. It's in the continuation of that, right, It's like, for the love fuck, just be nice. It's not hard.
Well, and it's it's all karmic. It's all coming back to you, right. I have a friend who's uh, you know father in law is very ill and in the hospital and you know, refuse to go to was yelling at the doctors who saved his life and uh, refused to go to rehab and doesn't have any friends to come to care. Like it's you know, people are like, I've I've done ten rounds with him. I'm not doing another one, you know, like people you know, yeah, well we lay in the bed, we make right, yeah, literally,
And it's it's so conically, it's just really interesting. So and remember these people, whether they're not nice or not, they're in pain. So you yelling at them is not going to help bringing attention to it. Like, hey, let's let's dance let's try and do this again because I'm you know, I may have misspoken, you know, or whatever, like you can role model for them what it's like to reset. But leading with compassion, I think is always
a good idea. So let's take a break, and when we come back, we're going to talk about some ways to reset and keep in mind our humanity. And welcome back break, Thank you.
Brenda took a nap to serve what he knows? Is it quickie? It was like a disco nap back in the day. Do you ever take disco naps? No?
I was thinking I wasn't.
She was napping, all right.
So we are going to talk about ways to reclaim, reactivate, remember, reconnect to your humanity at this time when things can feel very edgy.
So my health, yeah, I have, I will I you know. I it's interesting because just everybody knows this was a topic that you're like, hey, we need to talk about this. I'm like, okay, like following along, like you get a little elf sometimes, and and I was, and as we were kind of doing our pre talk, I just said, I go, it's so strange. And of course Berni are like, well, what's strange? What's new actually, And I'm like, just yesterday I was actually giving gratitude to the universe that I
was still alive. And it wasn't gratitude about you know, a new pair of tennis shoes or like, it was literally my life because I'm so glad to be here, even when it's hard. I'm glad to be here. I'm glad that I can learn. I'm glad that I can spread my little elf in love wherever, whatever adience might want it. Oh, I've hugged strangers, of course I am. I should be a little bit more of a germaphobe, but that's beside the point. But I am so grateful
to just be here. And that is probably the first time that my gratitude because I've practiced gratitude for years and I mean it and I feel it, and but this is the first time it was ever just to be alive and it was full stop. That was the end, Like, I am so happy to be here. Thank you for letting me be here. And that helps navigating I think for me a lot of the feralness of our fellow mankind humankind. So that was just that's one thing that I just started doing literally okay yesterday.
Yeah, just just instinctively right. And we know that gratitude will raise your frequency. And so even if you are in a situation that's hard, Like I've had this prayer looking at my calendar the other day, my schedule, I was like, I am so lucky to have all these appointments, you know, like affirming this is hard in the physical, but my spirit is so happy to be engaged in this way. Thank you for this privilege right in this this honor of doing this work. And both can be true.
So it's not like gratitude makes all the hard go away. We need the challenge to grow, to expand, to expand our spirit, to meet our spiritual agreements we have, Like that's why the challenge is helpful, So be grateful for it. How am I going to meet this challenge with grace? How am I going to meet this challenge and bring my best forward? And like search for it, work for it. That's what it's all about, in the best way, right, in the best way, So much to be grateful.
For well, And I think that too. I think an earlier point is you use the word I think you use the word spoiled, Like are we too spoiled. And I think that again things instinctive part of just being grateful to be alive is the opposite of being spoiled, and I think that is a big part of it. I think that there's a lot of well, I have the right to do this, I have the right to tell you what. I have the right and because you get a lot of that shit, I don't get that much, don't.
I don't get that much here in Santa Fe, to tell the truth. But there's a lot of that that goes out there, and that goes on out there, and because they forgot right, I think so much of what's happening now is that we've forgotten, you know, we are spoiled.
I think that, you know, you use an example again, pre talk about, you know, somebody who hasn't been able to travel for two years, that they will leave a trail of destruction to everybody else for them to go do their trip because they haven't been able to and two whole years. But let me leave my destruction for everybody else to clean the fuck up.
And it's like, really, yeah, who said that you were entitled to travel every year?
Right?
Who? Exactly?
Right?
Right? I mean it's just it's just interesting and to catch yourself in these stories like oh I thought that that should be ready when the email said it was ready. Okay, so it's a different world. I have to embrace what is not what was promised or what was expected, like so.
Oh we do have to wait more than we have before, and so that that's it. So that patience.
So this is where a mindfulness practice is really helpful. And mindfulness is just noticing what is in the present right It checks your expectations, It checks your your hidden agendas, you know, like, oh, I didn't even know I expected that until I didn't get it sort of thing, you know, like oh that when you get surprised, just check in and go, oh what was I expecting? And you know, people who are really embracing a mindfulness practice will set
a timer that goes off every fifteen minutes. Notice what you notice in this moment. Look around, what gets you in the room in the present right now? What's under your feet, what's on your feet, where's your attention, what are you touching? What's the temperature, where's your breath? Where's your mind? Fifty minutes later, the time goes off, you do the same thing. Like it keeps you so present, we get so caught, especially when we were disconnected from people.
We didn't have to be present, we didn't have to be accountable.
For our thoughts, none of it.
We just we just spun.
We watched a lot of television.
We numbed out, alcohol consumption, we consumption all went through the roof, right, And so it's almost like we are detoxing, Like there's a there's a huge societal detoxing going on time.
That's a good word too. Feral and detoxing are two of the words of this show.
Which means I gotta hydrate, gotta move your bodies. People like if we need right, we need more awareness of what we consume, media, alcohol, water, food, conversations, all of it, Like what are we consuming? And you know, just try and make conscious choices the best you can. No one's perfect, and we're not asking for perfection, but we can do better. All these practices that will help you feel better about you, in your body, how you're engaging, We'll just raise the
frequency of whatever you're engaging, whatever you're practicing. And then of course there's always meditation and working with crystals. And you've heard me talk about that a thousand times.
But that's part of the about the the the boundaries that we need for ourselves, right and and routine, you know, because those are those things that can keep you grounded, keep you calmer.
You know, well, it just it keeps it keeps you, you know, saying you're you're in that safe zone. Those are your guardrails to keep you in the safe zone.
And I love guardrails. I know you never get to say that I love guard rails. I love them.
Yeah, you actually are.
You get you get devoted to them, whether it's swimming or like you you're so devoted to them, it's brilliant. And you know, after my multiple concussions, I am even more committed to like understanding where.
The wearing a helmet?
Do we're wearing a big bubble suit. Yeah, that full body.
Bubblesuity the witch and the bubble.
Nice.
But I feel like, you know, part of my consciousness is aware of what I'm getting close to the line. I'm like, I'm close to the line, but I'm good. You know, I'm close to the line, but I'm good. But now my commitment is don't get anywhere near the line.
Mm hmm.
Don't get anywhere near the line. So I'm saying no to a lot more, which is humbling, so.
Not pushing that, not pushing the line. Not It's like, no, I'm gonna just have a I'm gonna have some nice, healthy spatialness between me and that line.
Yep.
I like that a lot.
I was going to see how this goes. It's my new practice. We'll see how.
I'm gonna practice it too, then because and then we can compare. I really like it a lot. I do. And you know it's interesting too in this phase of my life. I mean, I've gone through different phases where I like to drink. Tequila was my thing back in my forties, and I'm just kind of a I'm not a drinker I think, which is is a choice too, by the way. But it wasn't like I was an alcoholic. It's just like just doesn't make me feel good, you know. I just I don't want anything that actually takes me
out of who I am. And so it's it's interesting that I've even said it's like, yeah, I don't mind a drink here or there. Can't have the last time I've had a drink, I don't know. That's how long it's been, and that is I think that's part of the line. It's like, why would I, Wow, I just don't need to do that. I don't. And again that's just for me. Everybody can make their own damn decisions. I'm not trying to lecture holier than now crap, because I'm the farthest lem holier than now. But it's just
one of those example. I just want to give an example of the line of I'm not even the line I first had. I'm not even close to it.
I couldn't even find it if I had to.
I couldn't find the line because I'm just so far away from it and that respect, And so I was just trying to give some context to I think what you mean by the line, because that's how I do, That's how I see it.
Yeah, and for me, my my line is around over committing right, over committing to work.
So that's yeah, yeah, to teach me yoda, because I taught myself. I have more things to do, more responsibilities. But I think it's also kind of the gas that keeps my engine going.
Yeah, and everyone's got their own thing, right, Everyone's got their own thing. So but again, if so, if you feel like a mindfulness practice would be fun for you, awesome that you can find all kinds of beautiful things about it online. And also I strongly encourage people to play with a boundary of three to five minutes of meditation every day, just to reset, just to breathe deeply into your body and know that you are perfect, that
you are enough. Let that be the case, and let your like every aspect of you know it mind, body, spirit. But that's again just say I am enough for three to five minutes a day. It's a game changer.
Stop dropping roll people, No, it's a principle though. What that really is it is like, you know, take a minute before responding to something. So I think like hopefully if people can do this mindfulness practice daily, they don't have to stop dropping roll. But if you do, just like take that moment, because odds are you'll regret what you're going to do and what you're going to.
Say, and again just taking that beat. What mindfulness does, when meditation does, what stop drop and roll does?
It takes a beat.
So I'm not adding fuel to the fire. I'm creating space for the grace and and just you know, remembering my compassion and my humanity and you know, creating an energetic opening for this engagement to shift into a space of compassion.
Let's start a movement, people, because you know what part of how things start is people will follow you. I know if you are not behaving in the same way everybody else is. And let's say your behavior is healthier than the other, they'll notice well.
And remember at a high A low vibration can't exist in a high in the presence of a high vibration.
Right, it will, It will entrain to you.
Right, it'll literally you create the spaciousness you roll model, you beam it out. You're safe here, You're not judging you. I want to connect with you, like Yeah, it can be a powerful experience.
So report back to us. Let it.
Let us know what works for you. What do you find, what you've tried, What do you find work for you. We'd love to hear and walk away if you have to, Yeah, walk away, it's completely fine.
Oh I'm going to come back.
You gotta know, you gotta know when to hold them and know when to full know when to walk away, and know when to run money. There'll be time enough for counting when the dealing is done.
On that note, Her school is.
Hard without Kenny Rogers and the Gambler and the Other Side.
By y'all, thank you for joining us, everyone, and a special thanks to our producer Joey Patt and our executive producer Maya Cole Howard, who guides us.
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