Welcome to IANA Feathrive for Enneagram Nines a show for gentle souls who are ready to shine . The last time I visited the US , I was really surprised by how many people told me I was so lucky that I didn't live there anymore . Pretty much everyone said this across the political spectrum you got out of here just in time . This country's falling apart .
Everyone here is crazy . I wish I lived somewhere else and I can't fault people for wanting to live abroad , because I do and I absolutely love it , and I also coach other people on how they can pack up everything and make their move to make their expat dreams come true .
Travel can be restorative , fun and in my opinion , it's the greatest form of diplomacy , because we get to meet people and know people as individuals rather than stereotypes , and we can develop these deeper connections as true citizens of the world . We experience life when we're traveling . Yet travel and trading countries is not a magic pill for happiness .
There is no perfect place and wherever we go , we take our problems with us . I'm reading David Fiedler's excellent book Breakfast with Seneca , where he quotes Seneca in one of his letters , saying if you want to escape your troubles , you don't need to be somewhere else , you need to be someone else . This is such a powerful quote .
Those people searching for meaning or purpose in life might think that a new place will provide answers . How many times do you hear people talking about this like , oh , I just need a vacation , I just need to get away ? But a new location , a new job , a new partner doesn't guarantee a better life or a fresh start .
Finding purpose involves understanding your values , your interests , your goals . It's internal work that can be done anywhere . This doesn't mean that we have to sit at home for the rest of our lives journaling our way to a better mindset about our situation , although that is a good idea as well .
We can proactively change our environment well , at the same time becoming the kind of person who can emotionally handle what ever life throws at us , the kind of person who sees challenges as opportunities to develop our character , who are grateful for what we have already .
Let's say you are not happy where you live and you have a plan to move in a year , are you going to delay your happiness for another 12 months ? A lot of people think that that is their only option . But if you spend all of your time focusing on what's wrong with where you are right now . You miss out on the good that is right in front of you .
You miss out on your life and your memories become rooted in what you don't have , what you don't like , who has more than you . That kind of thinking is going to keep you stuck on this perpetual hunt for what is missing . I will be happy when life is way too short for that kind of thinking .
Focusing on the negative takes up a really valuable head space and it limits your opportunities .
When we pay disproportionate attention to one thing , such as moving or changing jobs , and assume that that one thing is going to be the cure for everything our health , our relationship status , our income we ignore other things that matter just as much or maybe even more . Psychologist Daniel Kahneman calls this the focusing illusion .
He said in an interview with Gallup nothing in life is quite as important as you think it is while you are thinking about it . So nothing will ever make you as happy as you think it will . Just thinking about things can make them seem very important" .
For example , he says many people want to live in a place with nice weather and think that's going to be the cure to all their problems , but research suggests that we greatly overestimate how much weather impacts our overall happiness , and we do this for many things .
But simply being aware of this focusing illusion , this one-track mind , knowing about it , can help you zoom out and realize what you might be taking for granted , what opportunities you might be overlooking . Where you are right now , when people are stuck in an environment or a job or a situation they don't like , they cope by trying to manage their emotions .
This is emotion-focused coping . And they also try to control the external thing causing the problem . That's problem-focused coping . And this can be done in an unhealthy way , like complaining or avoidance or denial , or in a healthy way , like acceptance , finding humor in your situation or looking at things from another perspective .
Let's say you are frustrated because you hate the politics of many people in your town . Here's how you can engage in problem-focused coping . Don't spend time in pointlessly contentious spaces like social media . Forget your consumption of inflammatory media that is just feeding the polarization . Focus your energy on making your community a more harmonious place .
So look for local groups working to build connections across divides . Seek out other points of view and have curious conversations with people who see things differently . You can practice emotion-focused coping by accepting that you can't control other people's anger or irrationality . You can look at divisiveness as an opportunity to model integrity .
This is your opportunity to step up and remember that in the other person's mind , they think they are doing the right thing and they're not trying to be evil . And the best revenge , the Stoics say , is to not be like them . Marcus Aurelius said Don't be surprised when you meet grumpy and angry people . Prepare for it .
When you meet somebody annoying , look at it as a Stoic challenge of your patience and rise above . The price of being human is dealing with other humans because we are social creatures . We were made for each other , good and bad , and Marcus said that we should think of other people as our relatives and let go of resentments . We are all kin .
We are all connected . Focus on what is within your control . This is your thoughts , your values , your reactions . You can choose to model understanding and goodwill . You can choose your daily habits and routines . Fill your time with meaningful activities . Be mindful and present rather than consumed by outrage and turmoil .
We cannot force people to be less polarized , but we can model the kind of understanding and goodwill that we want to see . Positive change begins with us and this ripples out . Find other people who think like you do . Our social circles influence our behavior , habits and even our thought processes , so find people who inspire , challenge and support you .
You may have heard the quote you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with . That is attributed to the speaker , jim Rohn , but about 2000 years earlier , seneca said associate with people who are likely to improve you . Welcome those who you are capable of improving . The process is a mutual one .
Don't wait for perfect conditions to enjoy life . If you are in a situation or place in life that isn't quite what you had hoped for , find ways to honor where you are now .
Embrace the unique opportunities and experiences available to you right where you are , connect with the people around you , deepen the relationships that you have and look for ways to make a positive impact in your immediate environment . It's not too late .
Even if you have one foot out the door , there are things you can do now to enrich your life and to enrich the lives of other people . Remember what you will miss when you leave , when you leave your current world behind .
Even if you're looking forward to a change , there is value in reflecting on the journey that led to where you are right now , at this very moment . So acknowledge and be thankful for the lessons you've learned and the growth that you have experienced .
Recognize the simple beauty in everyday moments where you are , the joy and small achievements , the gratitude for what's good here , what's often overlooked . Savor the simple joys a conversation that brightens your day , a hobby that brings you peace , fits , a laughter with a friend .
Instead of solely focusing on what's next , actively find purpose and fulfillment in where you are now . Explore new interests , learn new skills , switch of your daily routine . Novelty can be found anywhere and you can learn something new about someone you have known for decades .
These surprises enrich your life as much , if not more , than a 3,000 mile journey or moving on to your dream job . As you look forward to the changes you wanna , make use your current experiences to shape your future and , when it is time to start a new chapter of your life , close out this one with gratitude for who you've become while you've been here .
Stop waiting for the perfect conditions to enjoy your life and your job and your situation . Start what matters to you now . That's all for now . Thank you so much for listening and have a beautiful week wherever you are .