Episode 24 - Fake it til you make it?

find a happy life. read an article this morning and my news feed that got me thinking about a theme for the day. It was about an actor Jonah Hill. I know his name and it was face may have even seen some of his movies. But again, you know, I'm just disclaimer, I'm not some mega fan who's trying to gain his attention. Just familiar with who he is. Apparently, he took up surfing. And it was to overcome a lifelong he had a interest in it, but but a lot of fears about it holding him back.

So he did this and he's become quite an avid surfer, and he enjoys it. And it's good for his mental health and he likes it. So apparently some very, I would call them haters. But it's more accurate to say that they were just nasty people who were acting in my opinion probably for the attention it would get them then thinking about what they were doing in a positive way. They put a sign up at the entrance to what whatever beachy goes. And it says Jonah Hill

ruin surfing. First of all, how dare you I didn't realize that there was a a patent and an ownership a copyright on surfing and you whoever left this note owns it. Secondly, I would think that anything that you have the surfers that I've seen that I've read articles about are very, very passionate about it. They're passionate about the ocean, they're passionate about the sport. And they love and are enthused by new people entering the sport. So what is your idea? You want to have a monopoly on

it? It's only yours. Secondly, there was apparently some body shaming going on here. Now, again, I don't know this actor I mean, I've seen him I don't know, he just looks like a person to me. I don't judge people's body. But for the mean, evil people out there that would behave this way. And quite honestly, you apparently are loaded with insecurities. What does it matter to you? If the

guy's out of shape? Shouldn't you be applauding that he's taking up a sport that is an incredible workout from what I can understand. And what I see. And again, what do you care? I mean, he didn't ask you out on a date. He didn't ask your opinion. What do you care about what your opinion of his body shape is? Or how this guy wants to live his life but I really enjoyed the responses that he and I guess his girlfriend put up. And I'm going to quote this

from the article now. Because I don't want to get this wrong. Apparently he responded Jonah Hill responded to these people with a photo on I think this was on his Instagram story. It says he put a photo up of the sticker that these people put up there Jonah Hill ruin surfing in his response is it symbolizes everything that I believe in, in my purpose for doing this podcast, quote, I will never stop doing things that make me happy, no matter how insecure my happiness makes you and quote.

Oh, God, I love it. I wish I did know this guy. So I could thank him for saying this because this is exactly what I'm saying to you guys every day. People who tear you down. They don't give constructive criticism. They don't approach it in a loving way that's thoughtful and that would be helpful to your progress. They simply want to start shit with you and tear down your happiness. It is because they are so unhappy. They are so miserable. And it's hard to see that sometimes with

bullies. But it is the God's honest truth. If you ever shake that tree and call them out on it. I mean, his girlfriend, someone named Sarah again. I'm sorry, I don't Sarah Brady. I guess I don't Follow this. But her response was if you feel the need to rain on someone else's parade, ask yourself why and consider getting yourself a life and quote, this is the whole

thing. If you ever wanted to know, in a nutshell what I'm trying to say to you everyday, and what I've learned in 57 years of walking the surf is any missed opportunities that I have that I could look back at. And I don't regret them at this point, because I'm happy with where I'm at. And those decisions brought me here. But if I had to look back and point to things where I have a regret, it is where I lead bullies talk me out of doing something I wanted to do.

By shaming me by just making me doubt and self second guessed myself in any way. Do not let that happen. It doesn't matter. If you try whatever it is, you want to try and you fail, you don't have to succeed. But by you have the right to try whatever you want to try. As long as it's not harmful to someone else, and preferably not harmful to you. This is your life, you have the same right that anyone else has to get out there and do and try whatever you want. And these other people

have absolutely zero, right? To make you feel otherwise. It is your happiness. And you know what I really, really again, I I'm not I don't really I'm not familiar with this guy's work, I'm going to become familiar with it, I'm going to support him, because I really credit him with the fact that he was able to stand up. I mean, I know he's a big star and a producer and all these things. And you think that makes it easy, but on a

human level, it does not. He's still just a guy getting out of his car toting a surfboard down to the beach in here, he finds this hateful message. And for all he knew the people who put it up, were on that beach looking at him. That takes integrity and that takes strength of character and belief in yourself. It kudos to him. And kudos to anybody else out there who has found themselves in this type of a situation and

served your ground. You know, I've I'll share a little bit my life I've mentioned before I was, you know, my parents, my father was African American black, my mom was white. And they both came from the south, they had to face a lot of adversity to even be together. I was raised primarily in the north. And my parents lived

where they wanted to live. They didn't pick a neighborhood based on demographic and two things that I found over the course of my life, I've experienced equal prejudice from black people, as I have white people. That's something that nobody wants to talk about. I was continuously put in situations where I had to walk past glaring people judging people. And I handled it in a multitude of different ways. Some I'm proud of some I'm not. But I became very I mean, it

doesn't change how it feels. To have to face ugly situations like this with people around you. Like, you know, I don't like the term haters. And I'll tell you why briefly, it makes it sound almost less than how bad it really is. If we use real life words for what that means. It is an evil person with evil intentions. negative person, insecure person. It sounds so much worse when you save that than saying hater. hater sounds like a cute nickname. But that's

my thinking anyway. But I had to face a lot of people like this. And you know, to this day, there are times that I find myself in those situations and I get to tell you, you still get that little weak feeling inside your chest in your stomach. It's It's not easy. But I was taught by my parents because they knew I would face these situations and I was practiced at it. And what made it worse is I was very shy kid. And, in many ways, very

sheltered. But my mother who had this big bold personality, I do not know where I came from, would push me out there and make me face situations. And like I said, in the course of my lifetime, there are some some some that I'm proud of and some that I'm not but I can tell you that. I know that feeling referencing back to Jonah Hill that he must have had coming to that beach and seeing that sign and everything somebody had time to go have a bumper sticker

made. Like it wasn't enough that you were hateful and mean and full of condemnation, but you actually took the time to go online in order a bumper sticker that says volumes about the levels of your need for therapy. But at any rate. I've had to face those situations and that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach. It's just it's an awful feeling. And in your

chest. And especially I can imagine continuing walking down the speech knowing that the very person that slapped the stupid bumper sticker up there may be on the beach staring at you. And in those instances in life, your money, your fame, your whatever you have, doesn't protect you, you're human. And I've had to face these situations. And I'm sure that you know, we all do for one reason or another. You don't have to be born into some unique situation like I was, or

what have you. Everybody faces this at some point in their life and has to deal with it. And it's one of the big things that I try to help through my experience and stories like this, to encourage you. And to remind you most of all, it can feel like you're the only one in the world dealing with this. But I want you to know you're not, you are not. It's not you don't begin hating on you are wanting to harm you, because everyone faces this for some reason or

another. So their society will put unreasonable expectations and judgments on everyone. ignore those, this is your life, don't let anybody take it away from you, you're going to have successes, and you're going to have failures. They are not the sum total of you. They are not the definition of you live your life. Do not let hateful people hold you back, get past that awkward, uncomfortable feeling. And say inside your head, I used to say this in my head as a kid when I would have to face these

situations. It's okay, I would remind myself of the people away from here that loved me that supported me and told me to take pride in myself. And if not even for myself, I would remind myself you know what, I'm going to honor those people. It's as if these people saying these mean things are making these condemning statements are putting down these people that

love me and support me. And even if I don't have it within me to stand up for me right now I'm going to stand up for them, how dare you tear those people down. And, you know, but find a mantra, find something you can say to yourself that is encouraging within your own head and walk that gauntlet, because at the end of it is pride. And even if those people still don't like you are still sneering, you know what, they're the ones that

really look foolish. Deep down inside, they know you have more integrity, more confidence, more positivity than they can ever hope to have. Because anyone that plans to get through life and succeed by tearing others down is a scum of the earth. And there's too many of them out there. And as much as we talk about bullying, and we try to correct it in the workplace, it is still out there, they find a loophole to get through it. And there are those who stand by and

allow it to happen. I have experienced this in the workplace many, many times. And you know, there's a bit of a misconception out there that there's all these protections in the world. Well, there really aren't. Sometimes I think you hear about a high profile incident where something happened in the workplace, and people would rather pay the money than have the reputation ruined by the conversation

continuing. Like when somebody Sue's a studio or starts spreading spreading rumors about a very popular entertainer or show. But in the real world. There's not a ton of legal protection for you out there. I can tell you that firsthand. I've worked places where racial comments were made quite routinely not directed at me. Because since I didn't appear black, they felt comfortable. But in general, and I have investigated it and nobody cares. That's a hostile work environment, but nobody cares.

And I have to say that I have experienced it. from both sides of that fence I have worked in primarily black businesses or you know, the majority of the employees are actually all of the employees were black. And I've had to endure racist comments and attitudes. So it comes both ways. circling back to the main idea here today is I want you to develop whatever confidence you have to have a happy life. You have to be confident in you even when everything is trying to make you

doubted. Even when you yourself are doubting it, you've got to dig and find that confidence. Because at the end of the day, whether you win whether you lose whether you succeed whether you fail, a failure feels better than a lack of trying. A failure feels better than out there seeming like a success while you pretend to be something that you're not someone that you're not. You will deal with this, as we saw with the example with Jonah

Hill on all levels. In life, there will still be naysayers and negative people and people who try to tear you down. There's an old saying, or a comment that used to be made, calling steal your dream. I don't know the origins of it, but I heard it when I was a kid. And people will try to do that. And most often it is either someone that you're competing with for the same spot. Because typically in almost anything, there's more talent than there

are positions. Or if it's not someone who's trying to compete with you for where you're trying to get to. It's someone who will never have the integrity, the initiative, the belief to go out and try it themselves. So they'll try to tear you down to keep you where they are, because misery likes company. Just think about these things. I wish

someone had said this to me. I heard the statements are typical statements about go out, you know, have confidence, do your own thing, but there was a lot It was laced with a lot of conformity. And I think now we've kind of gone to a bit of another extreme. We baby everybody, and we cuddle everybody to try to create this

fake, perfect environment. But the reality is, when you get away from school, and you get away from your mommy and daddy, and you get out in the real world, guys, you're gonna put bumper stickers that say you suck, you ruined our sport on stairs as you go down to surf, like Jonah Hill. Even though he's talented, popular, lots of powerful friends in Hollywood, he's apparel powerful guy didn't stop somebody from doing that.

So they can give you a trophy for walking in the door to school, they can pat you on the back for everything that you do. They can mealy mouth, walk around, you know, oh, no, we don't want to be insensitive. All that is people is show. It's not real. It's not really protecting somebody. These things, I promise, you are still going on, in a subtle way, some loophole that other students, other teachers, other coaches

have found around it. You cannot dictate people's thinking, you cannot change people's thinking simply by putting out a list of rules that say, you got to talk this way, and you have to act this way. Somehow it happens. And I don't believe that on this earth in this lifetime it's ever going to happen, I think you're going to have to wait to get to the hereafter to find that perfect place. So you might as

well suck it up. But on your big girl panties, or your big boy underwear, and go out and learn to deal with it and do what Jonah Hill did. When somebody tries to catch you down. You say not today. Loser. If there's a loser on this beach, it's you. If there's somebody on this beach that's ruining surfing, it's you. So keep stepping. That's what we need to do in life. Do not let people steal what you want out of life, or what you want to try. Stand up

for yourself. That's what I want you to do and what you could do that in your career. I want you to do that in your relationships. I want you to do that with the guy in line at the grocery store whose bum rushing you, I want you to not be an outspoken jerk, criticizing and complaining about everything, but standing up for yourself. When people want to sneer at you, when people want to put you down, people want to do what they did to Jonah Hill, don't allow them to do it. Do what he

did. Do not let them steal your happiness. So I feel as if I have yarn down about that enough, but I don't on the other hand, I feel like you can't be said enough times. I just wanted to share that with you today because when I read it as I said it struck a chord with me as well. This is the main foundation of my podcast. This is the main foundation of what I

believe in. Every everything else springs from this you can't do or try or think about any of the other things that I talk about until you get this foundation right. So I want to leave you with that. Lots to think about. I hope you'll join me for the next episode of incoming, I appreciate your support. And in the meantime, as usual, have a good day and enjoy the rest of your day.