Hi and welcome to the In the Cortex podcast. We are your hosts. I'm Paloma Garcia. And I am Dani Paraconi. And we're the founders of In the Cortex, an online community with programs that show people the tools that they need to change their lives through brain reorganization. No medication, just movement. When you get your brain out of survival mode and regulate your nervous system, you start to live in the fun, logical part of the brain, the cortex.
Subscribe today and learn how to live your best in the cortex life. And now on to today's episode. Hi, everybody. Welcome back to the podcast. Today we're talking about something that I think lots of people will resonate with. We hope everybody resonates with everything that we talk about, right? But honestly, so. Getting to the root of our challenges. A lot of us understand what our challenges are.
We might spend a lot of time analyzing them and kind of looking into them and, okay, well, this is, I have a difficulty with this or I have a pattern where I do this. But getting to the root is not that simple. It takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of help sometimes. And so that's kind of where we wanted to go into that today. And that piece of In the Cortex that I think people don't always know about until they join the program.
They're like, oh, cool, like, I didn't know we were going to go into that side of things. And so I think that's something that always or often surprises our members in a good way. Totally. And the number one thing, like when we're finding a challenge or finding the root to the challenge, it's all about, you know, it's so many layers. And so it's creating the awareness to understand where does this stem from. So we're going to break down, is it brain related?
Is it learned slash coming from your subconscious? Are you being triggered? Are you being activated? So we're going to explain all these different concepts and help you understand how we approach it through ITC to make it make sense. So let's start with the first part of when you have a challenge and we'll, you know, just everyday challenges. We always share this in the cortex with you, but we like to repeat ourselves. So it really hammers in home for you.
The pawns is the part of the brain that develops from zero to five months of life. And that is when a baby is on their belly and they're doing a movement called creeping. The way that you move at that time frame will set up the pawns, which is a part of the brain that's in charge of so many automatic responses that we want it to be developed. So that way, when a stressor comes at you, when you're older, you can just be able to respond to whatever the stressor is in a very realistic way.
So for example, if your mom tells you to put on your shoes, having a meltdown would be a sign that that part of the brain didn't get enough of its development and you're responding from a fight or a flight or a freeze or a fawn response. So that's the part of the brain that's in charge of those four different responses.
And as an adult, if somebody, you know, you get called into your boss's office and you be like, oh my God, and you go into that fight, flight, freeze when really they're just like, hey, I really like that briefcase. Where'd you get it? Yeah, you're up to be the worst case scenario. A hundred percent. And so those are the people who catastrophize. So if that sounds like you, that is related to that part of the brain.
And then once you hit six months of age, generally speaking, it's not exactly at six months, it's between like six to nine months of age, you should start getting up onto your hands and knees, which is going to propel you into crawling and crawling. It should be done for about six months. Again, general timeframe here, and when you crawl, you're developing the midbrain. And the midbrain that is in charge of a bunch of other automatic functions.
And we like to call it like the filter of the brain. So it's the part of the brain that helps you filter out things that are not important. It helps you stay focused on a task. It helps you start a project, finish a project. And in a kid, it looks like the kid who's constantly moving and can't sit still. And people go, oh, your child has such a hyperactive tendency. Or we say, well, let's look at what the midbrains up to because if it didn't get enough of crawling, it shows up later in life.
Adults are usually the ones who the classic midbrain that is underdeveloped in an adult, teenager, adult, whatever, is the person who starts a project and gets super gung ho about it and then doesn't finish it. Or they just are like never on time or they're constantly overwhelmed and overstimulated by sounds and things that are happening. Yes. That's it. So we've got the pongs, the midbrain.
And then within that first year of life, we also have primitive reflexes that are also playing a major role. And they start a utero. So they're literally designed to get the baby into position to come out into the world and survive for that first year of life because you can't walk, you can't talk, you can't do a whole lot. So you have these automatic instinctual movements that keep you alive.
So that way, if something comes at you, you know to cry, you know to turn a certain way to protect yourself, you know to turn your head, all those things. Those are all important things that need to be happening on this great little symphony in the first year of life. And ideally in a world where we don't have toxins or baby apparatuses or you know certain stressors hitting us, everything develops how it's intended to. But in today's world, that's not the case. So things are getting interrupted.
So the first thing we always look at is that a brain related challenge. So we've already kind of shared for you, shared with you some brain related challenges like you know putting on shoes or getting called into your boss's office, starting a project, not being able to finish it. But there's also other things. And let's talk about like one specific brain one that like a lot of people really resonate with which is the moral reflex. And this one is like near and dear to my heart.
Yes. And also yours a little bit just differently. But mine would show up. So I would have the moral reflex. It was still on. So by the time I was in my 20s, I would always be the person who if someone said something to me, it would trigger my moral reflex to go into a survival response. And it looked like for me just turning like flushing red, like my body was like, okay, lots of blood needs to start flowing to your body to survive. The adrenaline, the cortisol would start shooting through me.
And then I would also start snapping back at people and wanting to pick fights. I would take everything so personal. I would be like, did you just call me that? Like, they're like, no, I asked if you wanted a salad for lunch, you know, like simple things like that. Or if someone cut me off while I was driving, it was like, oh, it's go time. I'm going to fight back and I'm going to race them to the next red light. When I played hockey in college, I was just a maniac.
I was like literally inflicting pain on people because I thought that's what you needed to do. And it was just not rational. There was just such a primitive response to the stimuli coming at me. So other things, so that was mine. The moral reflex was really on. And so that's where we can immediately go, okay, Dani, you need to go do exploding rocks. And then that would integrate that reflex to lie dormant so that way it wouldn't be turning on every second to think I needed to survive.
And that would be my first like, look at that. And is that going to get to the root of why you're experiencing X, Y, and Z? So can you have an example of something you experienced often? Road rage was like my number one thing. And I honestly just thought that was normal. And I guess like you don't really know what other people experience because you can only experience yourself. And so you kind of thought everybody had it until you're like, gosh, can you believe how these people are driving?
And people start like looking at you being like, what's the big deal? Like what's your problem? And today I see other people start doing it. And I just like sit quietly in the car and I'm like, say a little prayer, like keep us alive. And it's like, it's not a big deal. And a lot of people will start commenting on other people's driving and stuff like that. And so you can see it in other people. But that was my main thing, like the moral reflex.
And it was exhausting because it was constantly turning on. And the cortisol that went through my body was aging me, literally aging me. Because it's a stress hormone. And I would get home at night, my head would hit the pillow and I would just pass out immediately because of the amount of adrenal fatigue I went through. And that's a really important thing. So a lot of people who are carrying around stress and every time they say, oh, I'm so stressed, I'm like, what's your moral reflex up to?
Because that is the thing that's pumping a lot of cortisol into your body unnecessarily. Yeah, absolutely. You're going into fight or flight when you shouldn't be. And I think that that's one huge piece that we see with people is, OK, that's the number one thing, the brain. Where is your brain? So if you have this, for example, you're experiencing road rage and some explosive reactions, let's look at the pons, let's look at the moro, and let's look at the fear paralysis.
Sometimes it depends on which person we're talking about. If you're more of going into this rage mode, not that much. But that's where we look at, OK, where's your creep? How developed are you? What's your percentage? Usually people who have a tendency to go into this raging moment have pretty low development there, which is a good thing. We don't say it as we don't never say something's good or bad, actually.
But I know that if I tell you, OK, you're a 10% development, most people are like, what? And all that that means is that there's a lot of room to grow and that your brain has been working so much harder than it needs to. And that's why you're experiencing this. That's why you're going into the fight or flight. And it's because your brain doesn't understand how to connect.
Your primitive brain doesn't understand how to connect with your logical brain and say, oh, that's just somebody who is getting in front of me on the road. It's not personal. They're not trying to cut me off and make me late to this place that I'm probably already going late to. That's why I'm getting so mad. And so that's that piece that's missing. And so then on top of that, if you have a retained primitive reflex like the moro, that's also putting you in that survival mode.
So ultimately, what it all means is your brain is in survival mode. And that's where this challenge, this behavior is coming from. Right. The next piece we like to look at is the learned behavior and the subconscious. Right. They kind of go hand in hand. And so what do we mean by that, Danny, when we're talking about that piece? Well, it's interesting because the brain related part is always the thing that starts it. So for example, I was somebody who was quick to react.
I was what we would call Ponzi, right? Because I also had low development in my pawns. I was very like what we would call a straight pole. Like my brain had no idea how to move in that that zero to five months of life. And it turns out it's because we had wall to wall carpentry and I was in a baby walker, an animal brother. So, you know, I had all stacked against me there. And I had parents that modeled a lot of pawns behaviors, too. So anyways, that's where I got a lot of that stuff.
But once I started having that constant reaction of fight, flight, freeze, fawn, it then became a belief within me that I was that person. So for example, like being the person who's super aggressive on the field hockey field made me think that I was just an aggressive person. I just had an aggressive personality. And so that's where people would always tell me you're so aggressive.
And so then that internalized and became my learned response that became my subconscious filter of I will just be aggressive in everything I do. So it transferred from the field to that every relationship. Right. So it was like, I always thought people were lying. I thought the world was against me. Like I had a lot of fight in me and I would look for fights everywhere I went.
And then I would create the fight too, because remember the pawn or the morrow turns on the adrenaline turns on the cortisol. And once you start pumping that into your system, it's like your body craves it and wants it. Right. Like the adrenaline junkie. Right. And you're like, well, I think there's some imbalance there. You don't really need it. And so that turned into what you do at a biological level after it's in that state for so long.
It becomes really hard sometimes to get out of that because your brain's like, wait, I'm used to having all this adrenaline pumping through me. And now I suddenly not getting it. Like what's going on? Exactly. And that then that's a big thing about the nervous system is it craves the known, not the healthy unknown. So I crave the chaos. And that was another part of my story. So like we said, it's multifaceted here.
There was like the brain piece was setting me off to then create a bunch of filters. And so one part of it was craving chaos. So go create chaos, go get into the chaos, go always have it. Right. And it's funny because now that we're saying this and we love to like kind of work through and workshop through things, I'm always surrounded by drama and a big piece of my story. And I actually haven't done any reconnects about being around drama.
And I don't have and this is another part too of how we help you understand the difference of the root of the challenge is okay, I've worked through the brain part. My moral reflex is integrated. My pons is developed. So I'm not reacting anymore to certain stimuli. But there is a subconscious program that I have to keep working through, which is the learned response of I went from being super aggressive to now rational. Now I can have a neutral tone.
But why is it that I have drama always around me? Like why is it? And I'm just thinking about a situation right now because it is kind of running in the back of my mind about like picking a school for my daughter. And I'm like, I know this is going to probably upset somebody. It's like, well, why do I even have to go there that I even have to care about how someone else is going to respond? I need to go reconnect about I make choices for me and I make choices for the betterment of my children.
Right. And I can't care how someone else is going to respond because that's their own stuff. So I don't have like the triggers in the same way. And like the trigger response is really bringing up a past trauma or a past response and a past neural pathway. Right. Because that's what happened at the end of the day is you operate the same way for so much for so long that it becomes automatic and it becomes your neural pathway. Right. And that becomes the way that you just respond to the world.
And so if you've been in this aggressive, it's called the default mode network. Right. And so that's where you do these things so often and so it becomes natural. So you don't even think about it anymore. Right. So that's where the second somebody cuts you off, you don't even think about it. You're just like, you know, where the second something goes on with drama wise, you're like, well, this drama is always following me. Right. Or like, oh, I have to do this thing.
Oh, somebody's going to get mad. Right. And that's also in the truth for so long or the your experience, I should say, not the truth of your experience for so long. Right. And so that's where we look at that piece. Right. Where it's like, how did this come come come about? And you did say earlier, it always starts with the brain. I think some of them don't always start with the brain.
I think some of these patterns start with with situations that are going on around us or maybe it could be epigenetic. Right. It could be something that's passed down to us. That's a pattern of behavior passed on from somebody else. But in this specific example, it starts with the brain. I'm aggressive. I'm angry. I'm whatever. And then I that's the way that I operate in the world. That's the way I interact with most people.
I make it a part of my personality because it's not necessarily a very nice trait to have to be super aggressive. But if I own it as like, that's me. I'm the Danimal. Right. Well, then, boom, like, I love this part of I say that I love this about myself, even though on the inside, I probably don't. And so then when I regulate my nervous system, I get rid of that survival response that's triggering me into this aggressiveness. And I'm like, wait, but I thought I was this person.
Like, I'm aggressive. Right. I'm abrasive. I'm rude and whatever you wanted to call it. Right. And that's where I think you want to have something in common, because I have that, too, where once I regulated and I was like, nice and happy. I was like, always thinking people are going to think I'm a mean. I mean, people are going to think I'm a blank. You know what I'm going to say? With anything that I would do. And it's like, why do you think that? Because I acted that way for so long.
I really was a you know what? You know what I mean? Like, I was mean. And I was aggressive. I was rude to people. And so now that I'm not that way, it feels like part of you still waiting for that part of you still waiting for people to be like, you know, or to hear about somebody, somebody to say they don't like you or to like, get like a nasty look from somebody.
And so that's where we have to go into what belief did this way of operating in the world leave in my subconscious about myself and about the way that people respond to me. And that's where it's like, OK, let's look at it. Is it maybe something that you think this is, you know, that being aggressive is kind of the way that a woman has to be right now? Your worst society's expectations. Right.
Because if like, if you don't want to be like the traditional female, which going back, I'm not even going to go into that, but like male characteristics as a whole thing. But if you don't want to be that traditional person, you already know that you're a little bit different the way you interact with people.
Well, maybe you think that's the only way of being strong and the only way of being heard and the only way of being seen and valued and respected is by being like very aggressive about who you are. Right. Right. And that's what you're like, it's not me. It was my worth. Right. Exactly. It's your worth. And so that's what's coming up right now where you're like, are people going to get mad when I do this thing that has nothing to do with them?
Right. But like, because I understand that I have to make these decisions for myself and that's kind of I wouldn't I wouldn't label that as aggressive. I would just label that as somebody who knows what they want. Right. Being assertive, right. Being assertive is a good thing. And that's just a reframe. Like, I'm assertive and that's good, but I'm not aggressive because that's exactly an attack space. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly.
And they have to look at like, first of all, it doesn't matter what people think about you, but you're still always going to think like, why do I think that they're going to think that? Like, what's it's not about controlling what people think. We've gone through that already on the podcast. Right. It's about why do I think that they're going to react a certain way when I'm assertive. Right. I can tell you exactly what just came through my mind.
And number one, I want to clarify the reason I say we always the first thing is the brain is because we always have to start with the brain. We always have to look at what are your reflexes, what's your lower brain development looking like so we can rule that out and then can figure out is this now a program you have to work on. And as we're talking about this and knowing that we've worked so hard on our triggers and our activation. So the trigger is like pulling up something from the past.
The activation is you're feeling a visceral, you're feeling a physiological response from something happening to you in this moment. I'm like, OK, I don't have an activation. I don't have a trigger anymore. But there's a rumination in my mind. And that tells me, OK, I have a program running in there because I was aggressive that defined my worth. And now I've dealt with a lot of that stuff. OK, well, that's good. But then why do I care what people think?
Because I had to always live in a space saying certain things could create responses in my parents and being mindful of not pushing my parents into a space of reacting a certain way. So that's really huge. I just had this aha as we're talking about it. And that's why we love this work is because as you peel back the layers, you start to say like, where did this come from?
And it's because my brother and I would fight, but we never knew when my dad would go there, like when he would go to his pawns explosion. And so it was like walking on eggshell. So I have that feeling still within me of like, if I set someone off, then they're going to have this response. So I need to read my response. It's my fault. So that's where the reconnect is.
I release responsibility for other people's reactions, feelings for other people's for other people's worth, even like for other people's value. Or I mean, this could go so far. Right. Yeah. So I release responsibility for other people's experience of me. Like you can experience me however you want to. I'm living my own life. Right. And so this is, I love that this was so perfect because this is how we do it. Right. And the cortex.
And that's what we always say, you know, you can do one, one piece of it. And even people, people, a lot of people out there do one piece of the one piece. So a lot of people only do the primitive reflexes. Fantastic. It's great. You're going to notice a huge change in your life when you address the retained primitive reflexes you have. Period. People feel an enormous change just from doing, making an X. Right. And that is see it on our page. It's all over our page. It's one of our exercises.
People feel differences from just doing the brain gym exercises that are just educational kinesiology. Right. It's not even getting to that route. It's just helping you regulating, connect your brain and body. But then what we do is we bring in the creeping and the crawling. And that's where the magic happens in the neurological piece.
And I've had, I literally just had a conversation with somebody about this last week where they're like, we did the reflexes and it worked, but then there's still something missing. And I'm like, it's the creeping and the crawling. And so that's where we are just on this mission. Cause we know this is what's going to change the world is literally just looking at the primitive brain.
Once you look at that though, if you have all these beliefs in your subconscious mind that are limiting you, that are making you think, think that you're unloved, that you're unworthy, that you're responsible for everybody else's feelings in the world, that you are not going to ever make money, that you're never going to be successful and never going to find love. I mean, there's so many different things then that's going to start getting in your way.
So you might not have that trigger, that activation, but you still have the patterns and you still have the beliefs that are guiding you in ways that you're like, why do I keep doing this thing over and over and over? I always fall into the same pattern with work, with money, with my relationships, with whatever it is. And so if that's why we always say, you can't just do one or the other.
You can, but we recommend that you do both nervous system regulation and subconscious mind work, because this truly is the formula that's going to help you continuously grow. Because that's what life is guys. It's not just, and I feel like we've talked about this before on the podcast, but I don't care, I'm going to say it again anyway. We have this thing where we're like, check off. Okay, I did my regulation. I did my subconscious work, check it off the list.
Bye. Now I'm going to move on with my life. And then you have another hard thing that happens and you're like, wait, I thought I had that checked off my left. Why is it not working again? And it's like, no, this is life. Yeah, it's lifelong, right? And I do think that a lot of people that follow us, that listen to our podcast know, are more on the same page as us about this, because I think this belief comes from the Western world that we live in.
And this is talking from our perspective, because we live in the Western world. We know that it's completely different. I think wellness is viewed differently. I think healing is viewed differently. I think the way people interact with the world and religion and each other, their bodies is completely different. But we're talking about the Western perspective here. And we have had this idea for so long where it's like, you take a pill, you're fixed. I was just going to say. You're fine.
No. Like, no. And so that's where we love the people that are in our program, because they're truly like, oh, this is a lifestyle. This is a tool that I'm going to use for the rest of my life. And so that's why we're always hammering in. Got to do both. You do the brain regulation, and then you do the reconnect. Sometimes you do more of the reconnect. Sometimes you do more of the brain regulation stuff. But you've got to do both. And so this is perfect, because this is how we get to a reconnect.
And the reconnect, for those of you who don't remember, is the method that we use here in the cortex to reprogram those negative subconscious beliefs. So right now, for example, Dani found a subconscious belief that is, I am responsible for other people's reactions. So now the reconnect she's going to do is, I release responsibility for other people's reactions. And you can make it as specific or as unspecific as you want. You can literally say, I release responsibility for blanks reaction.
Like the person, your mom, your dad, whoever it is. And so that's where we know her system is regulated. She literally just did her brain work right before we got on the podcast. And she already has that reflex integrated in her pons. Is it about 9,500% development? We know that that is there. And so that's where we get to the root of the subconscious piece with this reconnect. And now I'm curious, within the next couple of weeks, you're going to do this reconnect.
And you're going to feel such a shift in the next couple of weeks of how you see that. Because it's still something that's in your reality. And so how you start to view that, are people going to get mad at me? Are they going to be annoyed about this? How the drama starts to fade around you? Because that's truly what it is. If you always think people are going to get mad at you, that's why you're attracting drama. Hello. I literally just visualized myself.
This is so silly, running down the street with peace signs being like, yeah, I'm getting it. I am free of this drama. Because honestly, it has kept me kind of caught into what we would call that drama triangle that we've experienced before. But I want to really quick go back on something you said, because it is true. Our Western culture is so like, and I literally have a to do with sitting next to me with like a bunch of boxes to take off because I love that dopamine hitch.
It's like any of the next girl next to me. But I will tell you that our Western culture has gotten as program to believe that you can just check it off, move on. And what we want to help people understand is to take the healing back into their own hands, take the organization, the regulation into your own hands. And that's what our program is designed to do is to help you understand the tools that you need. So you don't need us. You don't need a specific thing.
And there is absolutely nothing wrong if you are someone who needs to take something right now. There's nothing wrong with that because we do all experience like needing to get out of quicksand. It is a great thing that pharmaceuticals has brought into our world today. So you can take something, you can break a cycle. So then you can go do something else. Right. The only thing that we're trying to help you understand is that it's not something you can rely on for a long term.
It's not sustainable because what happens is your system starts to become immune to it and you have to keep upping and upping. And eventually, if anyone who's listening to this has experienced this before, you then are tapped out and your system can't take on anymore. And then if you look at what's happening, it's giving you certain hormones to get your brain to process information for what it is. But we want you to look at like you were designed a specific way.
And we're not saying that your diagnosis of whatever you're experiencing isn't real. It's very real. We understand you. So if you're listening, you're like, I have an ADHD diagnosis. We're not saying that you're lying about it. We're saying, have you looked at the root? Have you looked at how is your brain wired? There's something you can do about it. And then, you know, shifting your programs around it too. Right. Do you want to feel better? And do you want to change?
Because once again, the pills are going to get you out of quicksand. But the point here is to say, okay, I'm out of this moment where I was really, really feeling terrible. Now, how do I create lasting, sustainable change? And that's what we're all about. 100%. And you have to keep going at it over and over. And so like, I've been doing this work 15 years, I've been doing it for 14 years, and it's like, it ebbs and it flows.
And I have finally come to the conclusion in the last two years that I need to do nervous system regulation every day because I have two small kids, I have two step teenagers, those four beings shine lots of lights on all of my wounding. And then I have, you know, the demands of everyday life that are coming at me. And I prefer to be in a space that's regulated and ahead of it. Whenever I go too long without taking care of myself, I start to feel certain things come back.
And I'm like, it's just because my system didn't have the best start. And it doesn't mean that my parents did a terrible job. It just means that I was always really prone to going into a very fight, flight, freeze reaction space. So I just prefer to live my life like this. It's like people who like to go for walks every single morning. And they're like, I love a walk because it gets my brain stimulated. It works for me. But a walk is great.
It helps bring in so much cross lateral, it helps bring in proprioceptive, your vestibular system, it helps turn on the brain. But the difference is, is then how are you breaking cycles? How are you then coming out of certain things? Because now I can sit down and I don't get triggered by certain things. I don't get activated by things anymore. I can now look at it from like a zoomed out lens and go, wait, why is it that I'm still ruminating on caring what that person thinks?
Why am I even talking about that? It's like, oh, it's because I've always craved so much drama in my life. So now that I don't have the activation and the visceral reaction, I can now look at it and go, okay, but what do I want to shift about it? Oh my gosh, I'm not responsible for other people's reactions. What a liberating thing to experience, right? And then you literally run down the street with peace signs because you're just like, nothing can save me, right?
And I'm so excited to go do that reconnect today. Me too. That's going to be good. And that's what we love about our group. Our members are number one, amazing. And number two, we have this amazing WhatsApp group that people are chiming in every single day talking about what reconnects they're doing, what brain work we're doing.
And it's just such a beautiful place to be accountable and to have support of all people from all over the world that are chatting about what they're doing to make their life better. And then they reach out for, hey, I need some support here. And our members are answering questions even better than we are now sometimes because they are just so immersed in this and we're like, yeah, you got that. So the more you practice it, the more it becomes second nature, the easier it gets.
And that's what our program does is it guides you through this whole entire process. A hundred percent. And we're so excited because we're about to launch a subconscious shift challenge. It's going to be a week long and we have it all mapped out and we're so excited to bring that to everybody for free. So if you're listening to this podcast, you're like, I've been waiting for my sign to join something. This is it. It's coming in the early days of August.
We haven't completely fine tuned what date we're launching it, but stay tuned on our Instagram because we'll be sharing it and get onto our email list so that way you also get the information that way too. Yes. Well, you're so good at taking us out on this. Okay. Um, well, listen to our podcast like you are right now. Keep doing that. You're doing great.
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