Jon Gordon: Fear Paralyzes, Love Overcomes | E56

thinking. He is the author of 27 books, including 14 best sellers and five children's books, including the energy bus which has sold over 3 million copies and the coffee bean, which he wrote with Damon West, my guests on In Search of Excellence last week, which is also sold over 2 million copies. He has worked with hundreds of fortune 500 companies, sports teams,

universities and nonprofits. And John has been featured on The Today Show CNN CNBC, in many other news outlets, as well as the Washington Post US News and World Report in the Wall Street Journal, among many others. John is the host of the awesome podcast positive University and the founder of the online program positive University, which provides access to content focused on overcoming everyday challenges and bringing together a community of like minded

people. If you haven't yet listened to part one, be sure to check that one out first. Without further ado, here's part two of my amazing conversation with John. Tell us about the energy bus right and what are its main messages. And then we'll talk about some of the 10 principles of the energy bus.

take the bus to work. And he gets on the bus, he meets joy, the bus driver, and she calls him sugar. And she had a cast of characters teaching the 10 rules for the ride of his life that not only helped him become a more positive person, but a better father a better husband. It's about getting his team on the bus and moving in the right direction with a shared vision,

focus and purpose. It's about the fact that every one of us will have overcome negativity, adversity and challenges to ultimately define ourselves and our team success. And so it resonated with so many people because all these coaches who started reading the book, all these leaders who started reading the book, realize I gotta get my team on the bus. I got all this resistance, all this negativity, I get energy vampires sabotaging us, how do we overcome and move forward in

a positive, successful way. And I think that's why the book really resonated and struck a chord because it's about the real life and the real challenges that everyone will face. But when I wrote it, it was just coming to me. So I didn't know I had something that would actually make an impact. But Jaco real was one of the first people to read this book, coach at the Jacksonville Jaguars at the time. He's now the defensive coordinator for

the Washington commanders. And he read the book, he was a legend invites me out of the blue, I got a call to come meet with him because he read the book. And next thing I'm going to meet with Jack Del Rio sitting across from him, I'm 36 years old. Just got back from that tour that wasn't very successful. He's like, I want to use your book for the team. He said, we come speak to the team. I said, Sure. And you give everyone a copy of the book, I'll come speak. I just said

that out of the blue. And he got a copy for everyone on the team. And also in the organization. He got the book to the foodservice folks, to the custodians. He wanted everyone to have the positive energy and share that positivity with their team and their players. And they had a great year that year, they winded up being the Steelers in the first round of the playoffs. They went to go play the Patriots. It was a magical year of turning around a a team that

wasn't very good. And they had success and next you know, all these teams started to reach out after that and I started to work with most of the Pro and college teams in all sports. I have worked with almost everyone out there the Dodgers. Dave Roberts was one of the first guys who reached out when he got to be the manager of the Dodgers for

my book. You went in the locker room it was years later after the energy bus he read you went in the locker room first and brought me in to speak to the Dodgers when he first got the job Shawn McVeigh when he got the job with the Rams reached out to me and I've been working with Sean McVeigh ever since. As a leader as a coach and and speaking to his team, Miami Heat, Tampa Bay Lightning.

opportunity. Stop defending your status, stop defending your your reputation as an elite team as a team that is supposed to win the Stanley Cup, just go attack every single day and focus on that process that changed everything shift their perspective. They had all the time in the world. John was a great coach. But I think it was a helpful message that helped

redirect that team. That's what I'm probably best at is helping leaders and teams have the right mindset besides culture and teamwork and all that I'm really good at getting them connected with the right mindset that allows them to be successful.

spring training game. And they weren't having a great spring training, but they were crushing this team after I spoke. And so I'm all fired up. I'm like, Guys, high state of mind, high state of mind positivity quit hurdle, who's one of the advisors to the manager and the owner and the GM? Quinteto is a buddy of mine crinkles. Hey, John, the guy who just hit that three run homer. He speaks Spanish, he understand a word you say? So funny.

my beaches company Sandy. I'm getting rejected. I'm gonna get on the phone and I'm gonna get a $500 sale right before here. I went to Margot's restaurant a client of Sandy I pick up a $600 check myself. I got in the car. I picked it up. Yep. That was very happy to get it. A lot of the interns say they all sit in a room together. I spent 6090 minutes today with the interns but we have we have a few cardinal rules for the summer. No complaining complaining as a

cancer. Yes. Because the minute one person complains, it starts it starts orally. And it goes crazy on tax like wildfire. That thing spreads like, like Inferno. Talk to us about how one complaint or complaining can ruin a team can ruin a family can ruin anything that you're doing. Because I know you speak a lot about this.

And they would say if you want to work here to potential recruits, we have a no complaint rule, if you're a complainer, this is not the right place for you. And so they would say that, first and foremost, they would tell other employees, we don't complain. You're not allowed to complain, unless you come with a solution. So complaining is actually allowed if you come with a solution, but you're not allowed to mindlessly complain and just text and just gossip and then just be negative,

right? That's, I often say complaining is like throwing up afterwards you feel better, but then everyone around you feel sick. And so the key is, how could I not create a toxic environment? Well, let's be an organization that focuses on solutions. Let's empower people. I love this role, because it basically says, We want your solutions. So bring a complaint because it's how we get better. Every complaint is how we lead to new innovations, new ideas, new growth, new processes, so

complaints make us better. But if you're focusing just on the complaining, but not the solutions, then it's toxic, and then it causes you to be stuck where you are instead of where you want to be. And so the key is to use complaining as a catalyst for growth. And that's what I love about the no complaint rule. So I encourage complaining, but only if you're gonna bring a justify complaint with the solution if it's just mindless, and it's toxic, and it's basically verbal throwing

up. That's not good. And that will sabotage the morale, the performance and the people. And that's what happens so often in companies. One of the reasons why my principals work is because the key is we get rid of the negativity that sabotage the team. We feed and fuel the organization that team with real positivity, fake positivity but real positivity that encouraged the team that uplifts them, more optimism, more belief, and as a result of that, the team winds up performing at a higher level,

three to 03215. To one America's John Gottman is research shows five to one positive to negative interactions in marriage is to have a thriving marriage. Because negativity, sabotages and causes a disconnection and a separation and a division. And the more divided you are, the weaker you become. The more connected you are, the more you become one, the stronger, the more powerful you become. And so the key in any marriage, any relationship is to actually become one team. And positivity

helps you do that. Whereas negativity causes the division and the separation. And so that's why positivity really does help a team now. It's not rah rah positivity, its mission, its optimism, its belief, its resilience, its grit is the ability to say, You know what, this is hard right now, we'll go through is really difficult. But we're gonna find a way forward. That was really big on that. Yeah, we were here yesterday. But this is what we're creating

now. Yes, we lost this game. But what are we building and looking forward towards right now. And I always say, positive leaders find a way forward. I'm sure you know, Alan Mulally, I wrote the power of positive leadership. Before I wrote that book, I interviewed him an hour interview, maybe an hour and a half. It was like an MBA. And that hour, hour and a half talking to one of the greatest leaders of all time, I read an article where he defined his leadership style as positive

leadership. And he said, John, positive leaders find a way forward. And they build great teams and great relationships. So we're talking about this. And I'll never forget the conversation. He goes, John, this is really an important topic. Like this is essential for leadership. I said, you want to read the book before you publish it, right? He said, Yes. I said, How about this, I will publish it if you don't think

it's worthy. If you don't think it has the right principles, the right practices, and what positive leadership is all about. I won't publish this book. He goes, alright, deal. He read the book, I'll never forget the call from Alan malaria guy I really admire and respect

of it. When it comes out, I get a call from Evan and I go speak to his leadership team, because Snapchat in 2017, was really struggling. And I shared these principles and practices that I wrote about in this book with him. And he will tell you that positive leadership turned around that company, Sean McVeigh leads with positive leadership, air exposure leads with positive leadership. Now, this is not rah, rah, it's love

and accountability. It's like, Hey, we're gonna hold you accountable to the standards, the value, that we have the values, the culture, the principles, but we're gonna love you and support you and encourage you along the way. And we're going to be demanding, but we're not going to be demeaning. We're going to be loving but not enabling, we have the standard and you have to meet the

standard. And if you're not meeting the standard, we're going to show you the seperation between the standard and your performance. But we are going to encourage you along the way. But we're also going to make sure that we are addressing it when you're not performing at the highest level that you need to. So that's real positive leadership. So I don't like when people think positive leadership is rah, rah or rolling your eyes

and being Pollyanna. Research from Duke University shows that optimists work harder, get paid more More Likely to Succeed in Business and sports. And what they found was that these optimists because they believed, in a brighter and better future, they took the actions necessary to create it became a self fulfilling prophecy. And so often what we believe determines what we create. And if you don't believe that, let's look at schools, there's a thing called

collective teacher efficacy. And that is, we believe as a staff, that we can influence and impact our children, our students lives. And because of that belief, these students go on to perform and create extraordinary outcomes. As a result of that. It's the number one predictor in student learning is collective teacher efficacy, the belief of the staff that we can impact our

students lives. So just working with a staff and teaching them this is essential, working with an organization or a team, getting them to believe together. Like we truly believe that we can be successful. I truly believe we can overcome our adversity and our setbacks. I truly believe that we can overcome the rejections we face when we're selling on a daily basis, that belief over time

will lead to results. I often say though, being positive is not going to guarantee you succeed, but being negative will guarantee that you don't

them. And so I've got to know you, I've got to invest in you, I've got to develop a relationship with you to help really drive you to success and help you create success. So you've got the four C's communication, that begins the process of building trust. And here's one of my key principles, where there's avoiding communication, negativity will fill it. So we have to make sure that we are filling it with communication. So negativity

does it. And the more we do that builds trust, the more negativity does you get the weeds out, eventually will sabotage your team. So we got to make sure that we're filling the void with positive communication, then there's conduction. The goal to communicate is not just to communicate, it's also to connect at a deeper level, the word communication, communion and community come from the same

etymology, right. And it's it's with it's bringing together the goal of communication is to connect with it's to create community or communion. But oneness going back to oneness and power, and strength and unity. So communication creates that connection, that starts to foster that. And connection is essential. Because that's where you earn trust, like, the more we get to know each other. And we have a real relationship with each other. And I connect with

you, and I know your story. And you know, mine, and we have this relationship. Now you're gonna trust me more. And now there's more psychological safety as a result of that connection. And that leads to greater commitment. See, that's the key or greater commitment. So many teams don't have trust. And if you don't, if you don't have trust and connection, you will not have commitment, and everybody wants a committed team. But to be a committed team, you need to be a connected

team. That's essential. So a lot of my work with teams and organizations, even worked with Dave Roberts and the Dodgers early on, helping him develop a connected team that became a committed team. Because that's when you get grit as a team. That's when you get resilience as a team, not just one person. But there's this collective resilience, collective grit that makes you gritty as a team, not just individual, but connection from others. So connection leads

to commitment. And then you have commitment, which is about service and sacrifice. So as a leader, if I want you to be committed, I got to demonstrate commitment to you. And commitment recognizes commitment. So the more I'm committed to you, I'll get commitment back. But a lot of times as leaders are like, well, they're not committed, so and so is not committed. He and She is not committed or teammates do that all the time, like so and so's not doing their work.

They're not doing that work. I always tell them, You be the committed one, you show what that looks like. And guess what, you will lead the way you will rise above. And people want to be committed back to you. And you'll also stand out as a

leader. And that will lead to greater opportunities and greater success doing the grunt work doing the grind, as you said earlier, being that person who's willing to do that, I have a guy like that in my team chats, he's willing to do the work and guess what I'm seeing his commitment. It makes you want to give everything to Chas and help them grow. Because this guy is so committed. He's a young guy, but he's a committed

guy. That is a rare, rare art these days to find people who are truly committed but to have a great relationship. You got to know that I'm committed to you. And I have to know that you're committed to me. And when we have that as team members and their service and sacrifice their well then we both grow together. We both grow as a team. I have so many stories. I share my keynotes about Schwinn Nader, who was truly committed

to his team meeting. care about starting John Wooden recruited him to play UCLA, but they had Bill Walton. And so he said, Hey, we have Bill Walton here, so you're not gonna play much. But, you know, we want you to make Bill Walton better, and Schwinn later, he commits to practicing every day and

challenging Bill Walton. Every day in practice, he's making Bill Walton better only person in NBA history, never to have started college game will be drafted in the first round of the NBA 12 year NBA career Rookie of the Year, what happened every day, he was making his team better, he got better. And that's my story at home too. I had to learn to be a committed dad, and a committed husband. And early on I wasn't, and the more I learned to commit to my family and serve them.

It's crazy. My career actually improved dramatically. Every book that I wrote, after I made the decision to serve my family, and sacrifice sacrifice for them in a deeper and greater way. Every book after that was a best seller. It's been incredible to watch. When I made my family my priority, when you invest in the room, you'd agreed suppliers are focused on the fruit of the tree, ignore the root, the tree dies, and the last he is care. So I think when you commit, you

show that you care. And I always tell leaders, you want to be a great leader, care about your people. And when you care about them, they'll care about the team. They'll care about the customers, and they'll care about the results. But start with caring. So many

honest and transparent. But also, it is important for that leader, to instill hope as a leader, you are a dealer, in hope. As a leader, you have to inspire hope in your team. Also, leadership is a transfer of belief. And so you have to make sure you're transferring that belief, to your team about what you can accomplish, even though you're going through a tough time and facing challenges. So when leaders are going through that, I think it's important to

be vulnerable. But also vulnerability doesn't mean weak. It just means what you're struggling with. It means what you're facing, it means how you're experiencing the situation and what you're going through, and the challenges you're facing. But then, but here's where we're going now. But here's what we're going to be successful. So I think it's okay to talk about your challenges. But I do believe in those moments, you can't say, I

know if we're gonna make it. I don't know if that's the best answer to say, as a leader, I believe you have to share while you believe we're going to make it, it might be okay to say, you know, this is tough in the future is uncertain, but we're going to do everything we can. This is the game plan. And this is how I believe we're gonna be successful. And we're gonna follow this plan to success. And if we have to adapt, we will. But I do believe leadership is a

transfer of belief. And you have to inspire that in your team, Steve Jobs has a reality distortion field. Right time we try to get as he would say, there was no way we create the software, this hardware in this amount of time. And Steve would say, get your head around it, you can do it. And time and time again, he might have said in other words, but time and time again, they accomplished the very thing that they thought was impossible. It was because he distorted their reality from

pessimism. Or some would say realism. I'm just being a realist, the optimism and when you believe your team, they will accomplish things that they never thought possible. And that's why I think your belief in a leaders belief is so important.

process. And so a big part of being a carpenter is building with optimism and belief. It's designing your masterpiece, you have to know what it is you want to build and design it before you build it. And then the optimism and belief of what you're building. That carpenter then becomes a craftsman. And there's a difference a carpenter

shows up to build something. But a craftsman is there to create a work of art there to create a masterpiece, and they show up every day with with passion, purpose, and heart and soul and care. And they're putting more energy into what they're building. The essence from within them, they're here to create something, create a masterpiece. So I always say to entrepreneurs, you gotta put the essence of who you are into what it is you're building. And that's where it has power when

you do that. So that's a big part of the carpenter. And how do we do that we love we serve, we care. You love what you're building, love casts out fear. So anytime you focus on love, fear will dissipate. And fear is what paralyzes you, and it keeps you from your destiny. But love moves you towards it, and gives you the power to overcome your fear. I gotta say, when I was writing that book, I had so much fear, I never had writer's block before. People were loving the

energy bus. They were loving my book training camp, which was one of my first books, which I love. That's my favorite book. And then the no complaining rule. So I'm thinking, people are gonna think that my best work was behind me. I had all these thoughts come in of negativity and sabotage, and instilling insecurity and doubt. And I woke up one morning, I had this epiphany, love casts out fear. So all I had to do is love the reader. love writing this

book, love the process. And if I do that, I'll love with the process produces, I then Whoa, that knowledge and that insight into the story when the main character wrote that book in two and a half weeks after that, and had this book. And so that's a huge part of just loving it. When I talk to athletes, I always say love the competition,

love the battle. Love the moment, if you love the competition, and you're not worried about the outcome, and you just love battling in the moment, you're gonna perform at a higher level, you're gonna have a higher state of mind instead of a low state of mind, a low state of mind is created by fear. high state of mind is created by love. Because love creates connection, that creates clarity, that creates confidence. And that creates

courage. So love is the driver of all of it, then there's serve, you gotta serve each day serve and sacrifice. So guess what? You serve people all the time. And I know it comes back to you tenfold. When you serve the growth of others, and you mentor them and coach them and guide them. And they perform at a higher level, you then wind up rising up as well as their leader. So how can I serve my team? And help them be the best that they can be? How can I serve my customers, and then you

show that you care? I'm convinced like caring is a lost art. And when you can't you stand out a world where most don't seem to care anymore. Like there's a great term I love it's called muraki. It sounds like it's a Japanese word. But it's actually a Greek word muraki me are Aki. And it means to do something with love and with soul. It means to leave a piece of yourself in your work. It means to leave something behind.

And so when you care, you're here to leave something behind, you're leaving a legacy and you're putting your heart and soul into your work. And when you do you get smarter you stand out in a world that is just going through the motions. And so if you really want to be great at something, if you really want to build something meaningful, if you want to build a successful business, just care more, I had a marketing guy I

met on the plane. And he told me about one of his clients who was a furniture bedding store in a small town of like 12,000. But doing like six to $7 million in sales of this small town. You want to know a secret. And of course, he said, every time they sell to a customer, after the sale, he calls up the customer and says how you doing? Are you happy with your product, anything we can do for you. Just that one call people see him in the grocery store. People see me at restaurants, they thank them

all the time. That one call makes all the difference. You know that most Realtors after they sell a house or buy a house required, they never check with the credit to see like the house crazy. They don't do it. That one little act of caring makes the huge difference and separates you from the competition. So love, serve and care. I always say don't focus on growing your business. I know it sounds contract, no focus on loving serving and caring, and your business will exponentially

grow from there. That's how I've actually done my business. That's how I focus. I never had business plans. I never had forecasts. Every day I would just love serving care. When I was with clients, I cared more. I interacted more. They wanted me to answer questions I did people reached out I would talk to them. I made time for people I truly believe that's why I've grown my business the way I have. It's taken longer. It it

hasn't been immediate. But it's like when you do that you have sustained success over time and then you just start to take off exponentially from there.

customize every single talk. So I get to know the client, I get to know their challenges, I get to know what they're facing, a lot of people will just come in and give a canned speech. I never give a canned speech. So I believe that I care more by really learning about my client, the struggles, they're going through the messages they need to hear, and making sure that I customize my talk to them. and point out some of the people in the audience who are actually

successful at that company. I love when I get to know some people within the audience and I can say, hey, so and so is doing this, so and so is doing this. So instead of doing this, you should talk to them. Or Guess what? You're struggling right now you're complaining about the economy, but they're thriving. Guess what, if they could do it, we can all do it. So I love getting to know my clients. And I think that's one of the ways that I show extreme preparation.

The other way is, I would say is is is I prepare a lot with my ideas before I write a book. So I'll have the book in mind. And it won't leave me alone. Like this new book, The one truth that comes out in June, I talked to so many people over the summer. And we're sharing the ideas in that book with NFL players, NBA players, coaches, athletes, superstars, CEOs, sharing with people and some 16 year old that was struggling with anxiety and stress and

suicidal thoughts. But I kept running it by people kept sharing it, to see if it wouldn't make an impact to see if this was the real deal. And if it really worked. And once I knew that it did, I'm like, Okay, now I can actually start writing about it. And so that's, I would say is extreme preparation, but my extreme preparation extreme for me will never match your level. And I think that's fine. I think that's great. I think you're a

rare breed that does that. And you know what, that's why you'll stand out and what you do my Karen trademark is encouragement. And so when you need encouragement, you can reach out to me anytime. And I will encourage you when people reach out via Instagram or social media. And they need encouragement, I encourage them people reach out wanting to write a book. Because I've written 27 books, that's not my care and trademark. I'm not on Earth to help you write your

book, I know that. But I could encourage you telling you, you have what it takes to write and you should do it. But someone else will have to help you do it. But I will encourage you on the journey. Or if you're really struggling with your marriage, I'll talk to the guy who's struggling. And next, you know, it reads relationship grit, and then sends via email with a picture of he and his wife and family on vacation when they

were going to get divorced. And it's those kinds of moments that I demonstrate my current trademark.

brain health. So the challenges that we have in mental health is being caused by the fact that our brains are not healthy. And if you think about what creates the brain, it's the foods we're eating. It's the chemicals, the medicines, we're taking the guy who wrote brain energy, Chris Palmer, I just had him on my podcast. And we were talking about the metabolic process that is actual is actually what he believes a big part of mental health issues going on right now. Because it affects the

mitochondria. And so the same factors that lead to diabetes, also lead to mental health issues. But I really believe the bigger issue is the fact that, you know, we're not teaching kids one, how to deal with the negative thoughts that are coming their way. That's a big part of what I do with kids and teenagers when I help them understand the negative thoughts they're having is a result of their brain, which is an antenna. And it's actually tuning into more negative

thoughts. And they come in the form of lies and they sabotage them. They don't have to believe the lies that they tell. And once a kid understands that, they stop feeling guilt, they start feeling the shame they They stopped beating themselves up. And once they understand how thoughts work, that is a major, major shift in their mental health. The kids I coached this summer, three of them all turned around like that when I taught

this to them. And this is currently not being taught in the psychological framework and the process of mental health. So I'm hoping to give new tools with this one truth book to psychologists and counselors and a new way of looking at it, that will help them better treat and better take care of the patients they are working with and help them understand that we're all looking at situation and social

media. And we're looking at outside forces, but we have to realize those outside forces are result of looking outside instead of inside, comparing and despairing. And the more we compare, we despair. But there's a reason why we're doing that. And there's a reason why it affects us. And once you help kids understand to look inside, not outside, don't compare, understand that the more we look outside, we feel powerless, we

feel weak, we feel separate. And the more you look inside, the more you focus on love, the more you focus on your own purpose, your own path, and you help that kid get back to oneness, they start to feel healthier and better about themselves. As you move from oneness to separateness from connection and oneness to feeling separate and divided, you actually move from

positive to negative. And so if you look at all mental health issues, they all report feelings of aloneness, isolation, and disconnection, they all feel separate. So how can we help kids and adults move back towards oneness? Relational psychology will tell you that you can heal in a loving relationship. And so how can we help people understand that they're loved, and have relationships where they're receiving that love, that's a

big part of healing. It's why addiction programs all believe in a higher power community. Because in that community, you feel oneness and you feel connection, that's where healing

takes place. So there's a lot of factors, but the foods we're eating, I'm convinced, again, the brain is an antenna, when you create an antenna that's damaged, and you damage the antenna with foods and pesticides, because again, what is your brain, neurons, mitochondria in your brain, the neurons contain a transmitter and receiver on every neuron. And you're actually tuning into different frequencies, thoughts

positive or negative again? And you understand that how can I get the brain to start tuning into a higher positive frequency instead of a negative frequency? And, you know, we know cognitive behavior therapy, the more actually get you to think and do in a positive way you start to feel better. Why is that?

Because the brain is an antenna, the more you actually start thinking that way and feeding yourself with positive thoughts and taking positive action, you start to feel better, and you start to feel more connected, the more you feel separate, alone and isolate, you don't want to act you don't want to move. And because of that, you start to tune into more of a

negative frequency. So he literally explained in this new book, like my theories and reasons and what I'm calling for, I'm making it very clear. I'm not a neuroscientist, but I'm calling for the neuroscientists to actually start doing research to show that these ideas have have power and have some strong insights that could actually make some

changes in the game. And I had Dr. Ayman on I had Andrew Newberg who Newberg, who is one of the top researchers in neuro theology on how prayer and meditation from different religions affect the brain. We had a great conversation, Chris Palmer, great energy. So I've been really diving deep into this, talking to the leading folks there. And then talking to the folks in the mental health space in terms of psychology and understanding what's happening there, relational psychology

there. And once you understand the big picture, again, I'm an Application person, I can see how it all fits and patterns and how to apply it. That's what I truly believe we'll be able to save a lot of lives. And think about the last few years, there's been so many kids struggling with fear and anxiety and disconnection, feeling a lack of purpose. And these negative thoughts, onboarding them. I sat down with a six year old and I knew him because I

knew his mom. And when I got together with them, he didn't want to meet at first but he finally met I said you have a lot of thoughts in your head. He said us so many. I said really bombarding you. He said all the time. They accuse me they attacked me. Once he understood his negative thoughts were not coming from him. And he started beating himself up. Everything changed next day. Different kid reached out to him just recently how're you doing to do great Mr. Gordon high state of mind.

feeling awesome. It's incredible. Two circles. What were the 1000 Dots, one with three dots. That was a three which might we'll perform at a higher level, which might we'll have a higher state of mind the three or the 1000. That's right.

We know that intuitively. 1000 is all the clutter all The thoughts creating insecurity, fear, doubt, creating a lower state of mind the moment the three dots, clarity, focus, love, positive energy, higher state of mind, mindfulness and meditation, what do they do lower the amount of thoughts that we have in our head, creating a higher state of mind. So my one true theory actually explains mindfulness and meditation helps helps us understand that positivity elevates our state of mind.

Negativity lowers our ceiling, it all comes down to state of mind. I have had friends and their kids in their neighborhood committed suicide. And one of my friends, literally, it does happen every week reaches out every week, I get an email saying, or text from a friend saying this has happened in their neighborhood. And it's why I'm so passionate about this. Because we have more mental health experts than ever, we have more psychologists than ever, we're dispensing more

medications than ever. And yet, the problem is only getting worse. And we need kids to understand what's going on. And we need to realize there's a mental and spiritual battle going on. And there's a battle for their minds and their hearts and their souls. And we got to help these kids how to win the battle. And that's why I'm passionate about it. Because I know this won't help. And it's why it's so powerful to do that. And I struggled with it. Because, you know, I was

depressed myself. And in my younger days as well. I wanted to kill myself as a kid. I didn't know what that's like. And I had a son who struggled with his mental health, especially during the quarantine, he was in college and the isolation. And man, it took everything I had to help my son to get through it. And we did thank god, he's doing great now, but it was it was touching go there for a while where I was scared, and it was a rough time. So we understand what all these

kids are going through. And it's like it's an epidemic now more than ever of what's going on. Yeah. And that's why we have to help them. We have to help them we have to bring them into connection. Bring them into love. Teach them the battle that's going on how to win the battle of their mind and their thoughts. And when we do that, we'll change everything.

of my life's missions. And it's why I just I literally after the summer, I'm like I'm writing this book. Now. I'm writing it quickly. And I'm gonna get this out there. I've got to have as many kids as possible read this book, bounce forward, the garden to the garden, wrote literally tears ago became a Wall Street Journal bestseller, even though it's actually a spiritual fable. And it's about two teenagers struggling with fear, stress and anxiety. And one of the teens

was suicidal. And it was about how to win the battle of their mind. And they have a teacher and neighborhood friend Mr. Irwin, who teaches them how to win the battle of their mind overcome the five B's let's help people to find these, these kids who deal with out distortion, negative thoughts, which are lies, distortions are lies of the truth. And we have these lies that come in all the time. And that kid who did that he was being lied to. And so he hears the lies, that breaks my heart,

and then discouragement. So we have the doubt and the distortions, and then we get discouraged. And we don't give up because it's hard, we give up because we get discouraged. And that is really a big challenge when when these kids are getting discouraged, and they're choosing to give up. And we have adults that get the Scourge and they give up. And then there's

distractions. Okay, I'm doing okay, but I have these distractions, social media, media, people telling me things that are good for me when they're not, were things that seem right and shiny, I should have this job, I should be going to this college. I'm not succeeding at school. And so as a result of that, my if I'm not if I'm not doing well, my life doesn't matter. Now that's just a distraction, keeping you from what really matters who you are on the inside. And then finally,

the fifth D is divide. And the word anxious means divided it's Greek root word. And so if you look at anxious and divided, you'll get the word for anxious. And then there's a word that actually is the root word of that it means to separate and to divide. And so think about that will feel anxious, we feel divided, we feel separate. So my belief and my theory is that negative thoughts separate us and divide us and make us feel

powerless and hopeless. And those negative thoughts are always trying to separate us and that's why coming back to oneness is the key. And the more you do that you move from negative to positive you move from separation to oneness and connection, which is health. And that's why again, community love spirituality, God. People in this world are so against God right now, it seems it's like do you realize that the key to life is not to be detached from God is to be a attached to the

creator of the universe. And there's scripture that says nothing could separate you from the love of God. And I'm telling you this when the more you realize that there's a greater force that loves you, it changes the course of your life because that's what happened to me. The press down, wife's about to leave them. They finally said, I can't do this alone. I accept that instead of receiving the

love of the Creator. And I felt there was a personal love that loved me and I received it changed my life.

prison. Gets out. He's Dabo Sweeney, cold calling and basically at a conference going up to him gets a break. And then you change his life. Can you explain what you did for him? Damon loves you. He credits you for changing everything.

speak. And Dabo said this this guy Damon last man, he was doing math, he was burglarizing homes known as the Uptown burglar put in jail for 65 years, he gets out and seven it was like a miracle he got out. But then he wants to speak to football teams, no one gives him a chance he met me I'm like, This guy's crazy. But maybe I'll give him a chance winds up giving him a chance. And it gives like the most amazing talk to the team, about life in prison about you don't want to go to prison,

about being the coffee bean. So Dabo tells me all about the coffee bean story, carrot, egg and coffee bean. So I hear that and I'm like, Man, I love that. See, I have always been talking about inside out that we don't create the world outside in, we created inside out the power is on the inside. And that's what I teach kids, you have the power to transform your world, you have the power to impact this world. You're not a victim of your circumstance, you can

transform your circumstance. And so I was teaching that for years. But once I heard the coffee being sort of like that's a perfect analogy for the Inside Out message. So I had a vision right away for the book. And so I reached out to Damon West after I got the number from Dabo. I said we should do a book called The coffee bean. Say, John, because you've done all these best selling books. You've sold millions of copies. You don't have to do this book with me. I'm like I'm supposed to.

It's and I know I'm supposed to do it. So let's do it together. Yeah, I could do it. But let's do it together. I said, and I'll give you half my advance that I got from the publisher. Because it was like his agent, there was a catch, as he kept saying there's a catch. Well, there was

no catch. It was wild, I knew was divine, because the exact money I gave him for the events was the exact dollar set of dollars that he had to owe his parents when they took up all his legal bills and pay for his paid for his lawyers that he promised to pay back at some point. They never thought they would get that money back because it was a lot of money. And he was able to pay them back with that one check. So then we read the coffee being together.

I had on my podcast and also positive summit that we do every year. And people saw a story and then he took off like a rocket ship. It was like Oprah and Dr. Phil, you know, in a lesser extent we're not opened up Deville but but in a in a way he took off and now he's been making a huge impact. And I know, this was what was meant to happen. I was meant to hear the

story. We were meant to write this book impact kids lives and people's lives, teaching them that they have the power to transform their team, their environment, their company, their community. This was the perfect message. I speak on that all the time. So does Damon here we are going out there both speaking on it. I do a lot of the energy bus and positive leadership as well and positive teamwork. But him doing mostly mostly coffee bean. And now he's impacting so many lives. So it's

the ripple effect, right? The the ripple effect of making a difference. And always call me out go to speak here this event. It's like you go for it and that we cheer each other on. And when my son was going through a tough time, guess what? Damon was right there for my son, helping him through his toughest time. Well, my daughter started speaking because my daughter is 24 now she's speaking Damien

West was giving her advice. So you put it out there and always comes back to you in meaningful ways.

So I think the lesson is stay humble and hungry, and believe in a brighter and better future. Do what you're called to do. Love what you do, decide to serve people, show you care every single day, face rejections along the way, but overcome them and be more purposeful, and grittier than the challenges and the obstacles that you face. And if you do those things, and you're really doing what you're meant to do, I believe God will move heaven and earth to support you, on the

journey. Just get really clear, what is it that you truly want? And what do you want to create? And what do you want to build. And now I give more away that I used to make in the restaurant business a year, and I give it to charities and nonprofits and churches and missions. And my wife and I love to give away and we give a lot away. And I think it's always about remembering

where you came from. And then and then giving back like, I make more now in a speaking engagement than my parents made in two years of working a full year combined together. And that's not lost on me like, I am very grateful for what I have. And I don't think I'm better than anyone else. I don't charge that because I'm better. I charge that because I know the value that I bring. But I also do 12 pro bono events, events every single year, that people

don't pay me. And I find ways to serve, because that always keeps you focus on the main thing. And keeping the main thing, the main thing of making a difference. I never want to be too successful, they don't have time to make a difference. And I think that's why I didn't have success right away, being 52. Now, I'm just hitting my shot. I believe right

now I'm just like real. I mean, even though I've sold millions of books, I'm just really getting into a groove where I think making the greatest impact I've ever made in my life. And having my 50th birthday party of the day, even though it's 52, we had my 50th birthday party, because we couldn't celebrate during COVID. And so all the friends got together just

recently. But But now, you know, now that I'm in that mode of doing that, I had the struggle, because I had to have the humility, that when I got here, I'd be someone who had the character that wouldn't ruin it, and the character that would actually start investing in others, and develop others. I think if I had success too quick, I wouldn't be the kind of person that helped others be successful right now be focused on me. And I would say probably the same thing for you. If you

had success too quickly. You had the struggle, anyone who has to struggle, you realize there's something unique about them, there's a character they have that's different. And because they know what it's like to actually grind it out to do whatever it takes to get there. And because of that they have something special and something humble about them that makes them more of service to others. And I think that's my key to success. I think it's your the

key to success. And I think that's why we were meant to do this podcast together.

instead of listen to myself. If I listen, I hear all the fear, the negativity, the doubt, all the reasons why I can't finish this race. But if I talk to myself, I get to feed myself with the words and the encouragement that I need to keep on moving forward. We talked about those kids struggle, we talked about people

struggling out there. One of the best things you can do is to encourage yourself, encourage others the word encourage means to put courage into so when you encouraging someone you put some courage into them. When you're encouraging yourself you put in courage into yourself and right now, we need courageous people to do great things for others.