Ep 189: Island of Dougs

This week's episode of Improvised Star Trek is sponsored by Overcast. Overcast, a better podcast app than whatever you're using right now, unless it's Overcast. Get Overcast for free on the App Store.

Yeah.

Hãy đăng ký kênh để ủng hộ kênh mình nhé! Thank you, sign up, Sadat.

Well I I was in the fog over there and I ran back. I saw the strangest thing I've ever seen in my life.

What did you see, Doug?

It looks sort of like a little bit of a little bit of a little

Wore different color shirts, red and blue and yellow, and they had strange gold brooches on, and they're coming this way.

Doug, did they see you?

No, they didn't see me. I hid an underbrush and I ran back here as fast as I could.

You've been told time and time again don't you go to the fog Doug. You don't go into the fog, Doug. You never go to the fog, Doug.

I wanted to see what was beyond the fog. I'm the only Doug in my generation that has a

Doug, we do not say the A word here.

But I gotta know what's beyond the fog. I gotta know.

There's nothing beyond the fog worth saying, don't you?

But there's people's and they're coming into the fog. They're coming in here.

Not on Doug's watch. Not on Doug's watch. And not on Doug's watch. Now Doug, you get back in the house. Doug needs his bath.

Okay.

I need my bath!

Space.

The final frontier.

To explore stories.

Civilization.

No one has gone before.

The Improvised Star Trek, with Matt Young as Captain Julius Valentine Baxter.

Chris Rathchin as First Officer Corbomite Hayes.

Sean Kelly as Science Officer Crick Watson.

Mary Kate Walfall as Chief Medical Officer Zarlene Zonelson.

Nick Wagner as Chief Engineer Charles Lloyd.

Julia Weiss as Communications Officer, Lieutenant Rita King.

Eli man

Dell is acting security.

Raina Kaskey as Navigation Officer and Sinbabi intern.

This week's episode, Island of Dugs, was improvised may sixth, twenty eighteen from a suggestion by and was edited by Chris Ratchet.

Crick, are you sensing those life forms still? You said they were kinda appearing and disappearing? Yeah.

Through the you know, that big wall of fog there.

Yeah.

I mean they're just kinda like flickering in and out. Like maybe they're alive, but you know, like they're not really alive. Like like on the on the inside.

Like they have like a job that's not that interesting?

Kinda. I mean, it feels weird to say that just looking at a tricorder reading.

Yeah, I think it's kind of a rude thing to say personally,'cause I'm just getting a lot of bionic interference.

Uh Captain, um I'm getting a strong sense but hyper localized of a desire for something more.

Really?

Yeah, I can feel it. I can always tell when there's a kindred nearby.

Rita empathic and I didn't know about that?

Captain, no, she's definitely not.

Okay, cool. We'll just go along with this.

Yeah.

You so you're getting a strong feeling, you can't deny.

Um someone is feeling like this isn't enough for them and like maybe they always thought they were gonna have more when they were growing up on earth because

I okay.

I just feel like I'm not getting what I need on the syphilis anymore. I'm so sorry.

You don't need to apologize to me. This is-

Uh yeah.

It looks really dumb and it's not part of standard issue uniform when we're on an away mission. Blue. Take it off. Uh look, I'm really sorry you aren't getting what you're doing.

Yeah.

I feel a lot better now.

Okay, good. But if you need anything else you you know you can always come to me and tell me about it and we can look for, you know, a different position for you on the ship or even even if you need to leave the ship, as sad as that would make us. We we would find the right job for you.

Captain, from a communications standpoint, we are close to the beacon that we've been tracking. I'm leaving.

Wait, wait, oh way to go.

Sorry.

To Commander Hayes.

Uh Commander Hayes here. Oh great. I'm always ready for good news.

Have got engineering.

Oh crapes.

Everything is running exactly perfectly. Nothing needs to be done. I'm thinking about taking the afternoon off because I have attained Infection.

Wow. Now when you say perfect

Yeah.

What are you talking? Just like a very high uh matter, antimatter intermix ratio?

Well you know all of the systems have you know ideal operating parameters and they all have like plus or minus point zero zero one percent or whatever. I'm like not even, I'm like right there in the middle of every single one of them. Yeah.

Is there anything that you think makes it extra perfect that, you know, might be a matter of like opinion or taste? Um your engineering vision?

It's twelve thirty in the afternoon. Okay. All right. That's the perfect time of day.

Yeah, I mean I would say like the day's best hour is still ahead of it, but

I wanted to call and tell you because I know you can sympathize with how I'm feeling right now, which is that there is nothing else to life.

Oh God no. Sometimes when you've got just like the most interesting job which gives you exactly what you expect every time.

Time.

Yeah.

Perfect.

Spaces.

Board of Doug? Doug has seen some strangers and we need to address this issue.

I'm sorry I went into the fog, but I I just couldn't help myself. I'm the only dug born in my generation with a sense of adventure.

Doug! Um don't say the A word around the board of Dougs.

I'm sorry, but if it weren't for this I wouldn't have found out about the strangers encroaching upon our land even right now.

Doug, do they pose a threat? Doug, respectfully, I do not know, but I do know that this island is safe. For years, Dougs have woken up with the sun. Gone to work at the s business come home to have supper and then gone to sleep. Every dug day and every dug night has been safe for us. And now now I do not know. I am of the opinion that any non dug is dangerous for Dugs. Doug, did you ask the stranger's name?

No, I saw them from the underbrush, and I ran back into the fog and ran home as fast as I could. As much as I have a sense of adventure, I still have a healthy dug fear.

Well I do have to say, Doug, you did say the A word again and we have asked you several times.

Adventure? 傻啊

What do we do?

Let's doggone it.

I'm sorry I'm so late, everyone. I was supposed to get a hand coming out of my dug bath.

Uh I'm sorry I had to come speak here to the council.

Right, what's happening? I as the last member of the oldest generation of Doug would love to hear what's going on.

Strangers through the fog possibly non Doug. Doug seen em, but he did not speak to em.

Oh well sounds like you guys have this handled unless of course any of you dug

I can't say it, but that's me.

And I can't slap my elder.

Tell us again the story about the time before there was just Doug.

Oh it's a story time you want, is it? Well

I gotta go to the business. I have to go to the business too. I also am needed at the business.

Uh hey Captain. Yeah. As we're sort of like all making our way through this fog

Uh.

Yeah, it's this is uh like a cowboy hat.

Did you have someone beam down a different hat?

Yeah, I figured well this one's more standard issue. You see it's got a buckle that's the Starfleet Insignia. That's pretty cool. Yeah. But I don't know, I was just kinda trying trying out something new, trying to you know going back to cooling it up a little bit, trying to be a little cooler.

Okay.

Yeah, I was just gonna I wanted to know your opinion on the hat.

I like it.

Okay, guys.

As we're getting deeper into the fog, I'm starting to pick up some structures on a tricorder here. Yeah. Are you getting that too?

Oh!

Uh are you okay? Oh I see. Yeah.

Yeah, d oh oh my nose is bleeding.

There's an entrance around the corner.

And it looks like the writing on the side says the business. Hm. Well what kind of business is it? Yeah, no one even noticed that I was still right behind you.

You did say earlier you were leaving.

Yeah.

And we are in a thick fog.

Rita, are you wearing the hat that I had on earlier?

Yeah, I thought it looked cute on me. I would just like to commend you for how quietly you must have been crying for us to not notice you. Thank you. You've been really working on your quiet cry. Thank you for seeing me. And for not hearing me. And thank you for not hearing me.

Lorem it looks like.

Looks great down here.

Were you calling to ask if you could take the afternoon off? Is that what that was about?

Um, yes, I was kind of floating the idea of maybe taking the afternoon off because I got everything so

Perfect. It's so perfect. It's one of those situations where if you did anything else, it would be moving it away from perfect.

Exactly. Like I don't even wanna like walk through engineering anymore.

Oh god, yeah, no let's actually let's let's have this discussion in the hallway.

So what about you? I mean you wanna take the afternoon off?

Hi Lieutenant, hi community.

All right.

Don't go in there. Don't go in there.

What? No, sorry Ensign. Uh we're staying out of engineering today.

Yes, sir.

It's just uh it's uh pretty as a picture.

Okay, well. I'm trying to report to you recently.

Speaking of this actually is a perfect picture, uh, you know, uh red, yellow and blue. Like I feel like we're pretty as a picture of Starfleet officers here.

You're hanging out with us for the afternoon now, Ensign Terwilliger.

Oh yes, sir.

I mean I feel like we're covering a lot of ground, you know, there's like a human and uh like a alien who looks mostly like human and then like a super weird looking alien. Yeah. What?

Is that a hat or is that just your head?

Yeah, what is that? Is that bone or

Yeah, we are nailing.

We didn't we're nailing it here.

Hey Zarline. Yeah. Um don't you think it's like kinda weird that they didn't even ask us to go on this mission? You know what I mean? It's like I studied Foggs. You know what I mean? I studied Fox. Oh my gosh. Yeah. That was your thesis? Yeah. Navigating fogs. Wow. Yes. Oh my gosh. I know. And I didn't want to say anything and I don't know. Bobby, you gotta you gotta advocate for yourself. I know, but it's just like sometimes it's just like I wanna be seen. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like

So like none of us knows how to stop a nosebleed, huh?

Well that's your job. You're the doctor on the mission.

I mean I tried to like science it. I like stuck the tricorder up there and it didn't like do anything. It just kinda made it bleed more.

If I may, maybe you should empower your nose to stop bleeding.

Oh yeah, I like that.

Rita, could you like could you say something to my nose to try to empower it so that it stops bleeding?

Feel when you're bleeding knows that it's because you need something, and maybe if you learn to ask for it instead of acting out. you would get the thing that you need. So I just want to empower you to stop bleeding and start asking for help.

Yeah, maybe your nose needs a stupid hat.

Now my ear is bleeding too. Speaking of stupid hats, Rita, are you wearing my cowboy hat on top of my trilby hat?

Yeah, I thought that it would look cool.

Yeah it does.

I'm trying to do this thing. Where I wear lots of different hats put together.

So do you have your own hats?

Hey, this is the Federation. We don't believe in material goods. If Rita wants to wear a hat and it happens to be a hat that was on your head at one point, share and share alike. That's like the secondary p directive. All right. Don't mess with other alien cultures, share and share alike. That's number two.

All right, well when we get back to the ship I'm gonna take your air conditioner.

Yeah.

You can, my air conditioner.

Captain, the more I look at this planet, the more I doubt this is a warp capable society. Uh-huh.

Oh, is it still a federation signal? Perhaps there's like a a group of humans that got stranded here a long time ago, centuries ago.

That's possible. If we haven't been seen yet, maybe we just check and think we're kind of in the middle of town.

Yeah, uh run that through the database of old Federation signals and let's back into the fog a little bit.

Okay.

So Doug.

Yeah.

If you could just finish scrubbing right between my shoulder blades, my arms don't quite reach there any more.

There you go.

Yeah.

So, uh, you wanna have an adventure, eh? Shh. Oh they can't do anything to me. I'm too old and all be perfectly honest, adventured out.

You used to go on adventures?

Oh no, no, no, no. I've never left the island of Doug's, but I was the only Doug of my generation to be born with a sense of adventure.

What was it like? Yeah.

Yeah.

I know the feeling, but I feel like maybe you're my community.

Yeah, I know. And I'm like I'm gonna die soon and I can barely walk. It's a real rough community for you to be a part of. What?

Today?

I hope not.

Oh, okay.

I've got a little secret I've been keeping for a while. Oh. Right, I need you to help me lift this bathtub. Yeah, I've not been able to get under this trapdoor since I installed the tub.

Doug, Doug, great tapping on your computer keyboards. But where's Doug? I don't see Doug anywhere. Doug should have been here an hour ago. There's no one tapping on Doug's computer keyboard. Doug. I didn't notice the lack of tapping because I was tapping so good. Good tapping, Doug. Thanks, Doug. Thank you, Doug. Good managing, Doug. Thank you, Doug. Doug. Good business. Thank you, Doug. You too, Doug. Such good business today. Good Doug.

I'm so nervous that I'm missing work today. Well if I don't fill my screen up with letters and numbers, I'm gonna be fired.

Yeah.

Get on my back!

Doug, I know what you're thinking. But what happens if they fire ya? There's no one else to hire to fill the job.

Yeah, I just get hired again, but It seems like that's the process a mo was going through. It's so dark down here.

Well take a look at this.

Yeah.

Yeah. Beak? And look it's a little screen. Up there they say that a dog is defined by whether they fill their screens up, but I take solison what I read off of this screen and when it's just the same thing on loop. I'll make up my own stories to fill in the details. About the people who built it. Strange bodies.

I'm looking out the window and I don't see Doug, but I think I see one of those strangers. Uh the stranger has things on its head. What do we do? We i in the book of Doug Nothing that I can find that says anything about what to do when a stranger comes. Strangers don't exist. But Doug Doug's Doug they do exist. Cause otherwise how'd we have a word to say stranger? You're blowing Doug's mind right now. I'm Doug's blowing Doug's own mind.

I've never really been on a business lunch before. Do it. Can I get a drink?

Oh yeah.

You're nailing it, Ensinter Williger.

Yeah.

You're oiling at two, Corvumar.

Hands off my

Oh, sorry, sorry. Every time I stop telling myself, don't touch his head, my hand just wanders.

That's good managing, Corbomite.

Thank you. Good star fleeting.

Can I get y'all started with an app or

We're just celebrating because we filled up all of our computer consoles with letters and numbers today.

That's awesome. We have an amazing fajita special today. Um you have your choice of protein. The choice is chicken. You get seven tortillas with that, corn only.

That sounds ideal. I'll have one of those.

And they're Irish fajitas, so there's also gravy.

I'll start with a synth grata.

Okay, great. Do you want that f shaken, stirred, or blended?

Sure.

Uh he'll have it.

Sarlene, we've been here since before they sat down. And we have not been served yet. This is not our day. This is not our day. What? It's like people are just not noticing us today. It's like Like we're lost in a fog. It's just like now I'm like, wow, you f you m basically majored in fog.

I'll have a synthini.

Great. Do you want that shaken, stirred or frozen?

I will also have a three cent teeny lunch before getting back to the business.

Sounds great. And for the table, I'll be bringing out some nachos. That is thick-cut sourdough bread with sauce.

Amen.

Oh god, I'm lost in the fog again and I'm bleeding out of thirty three percent of my orifices and I've been cut off from most of the people in my cre you you there. Who who are you?

What what?

I see you through the fog sort of.

Well uh um m my name's Doug.

Who are you?

My name's Kick Watson.

I've seen two amazing things today. I s I saw my mentor's basement underneath his bathtub and now I've seen a a person who isn't a dug.

Are is that the name of your people, the Dugs?

All are Doug and Doug is all

I am Crick, I am not a Doug. I am merely someone out on a space adventure.

An adventure?

Yes.

Say that too loud here.

No, my job is to go on science adventures.

A science adventure.

Yeah.

Well, that sounds wonderful. Look, your your bright colored clothes are confusing to me. I've gotta take you to the elder Doug. Come with me. Quick.

Okay, cool. Maybe they have some nose salves.

I'm lost in the fog again. Can anyone hear my voice?

I can hear it.

Rita, are are you I think you're a little to my east. Uh Cecile, can you hear me?

Hi, yes, I've I've actually been right behind.

Oh, you're right behind me. Uh where's Bobby at?

Bobby? Bobby?

Yeah, she's supposed to be on this mission. She's the fog expert.

You net you didn't say that she was on the mission. Oh actually I think that's my boo.

You boofed?

You didn't tell Bobby. I forgot to tell Bobby'cause I was so mad about something.

What were you mad about?

I don't remember.

Okay, well that's fair. Uh Captain Baxter to Anson Bobby Intern.

Oh hello, Captain.

What's all that noise?

Yes, we're Benegan. Yes, and I'm speaking to you also, Captain. Zarlene and uh we're having a threesome sitting in the lunch and I mine are extra dirty. Pretty much Basically olive juice.

Did she say a three to Zeke Lunch?

She said the three teeny lunch it's like a special Vennegan's.

Yeah, okay, got it.

Anybody?

You heard down there? Anybody lost?

Uh we're lost in the fog, so we definitely need Anson and Bobby intern and Zarlene. If you could uh if you could find Rip, we need an acting doctor down here.

Fire! Yeah, I'll find rip. Oh, I'll find him. Great. I'll find him right away. I'll find rip I'll find rip for you. Certainly, uh we need can you um give me a a stab, a little stabby for um Ugh sober up. Doug's Doug Doug Doug? No one's sitting in Doug's seat at the Benegans. Huh. Huh. So he's not at the business.

Okay, so you said this place is called T GI Doug's?

Yeah yeah, this is DJI Doug's.

So what's that stand for like thank god it's Doug's? Do you guys have God?

What?

Okay, you don't, cool.

Uh No, it stands for Thank Doug, it's Doug's. The G's at the end, we just flip it around.

Okay, cool. That doesn't make any sense. Alright. So this

What do you mean it doesn't make perfect sense? What else would we say thank you to but Doug?

I'm gonna stuff this napkin up my nose. You know, this is gonna sound really weird, but like I'm a human and we go to a lot of planets with people who look just like humans. You guys look just like trills.

The trail.

Welcome to Thank Doug, it's Doug's. My name is Doug. I will be taking care of you today.

Okay.

Can I get you started with the Doug Teeny?

I'll have a Dug teeny.

How is it foggy even in here?

We have Jack Doug's skillets for you. That is your choice of protein, chicken only.

I'll have chicken.

Great, and that comes with spicy Doug sauce, sweet Doug sauce or sweet and spicy Doug sauce.

the plane.

Okay.

No sauce, no sauce.

No sauce dug and Someone

Want sauce.

You want sauce?

Yeah, why would they have sauces if you're not supposed to order sauce?

Because why would we have a word for adventure and stranger if we aren't gonna use them? But we've got sauce, we just don't use it. You're a monster from another world. Everyone look at this monster from another world.

Wow, this is really not how I thought this was gonna go when you told me you had a sense of adventure.

A monster wanted sauce!

I really thought that you were gonna be like, Oh, I'm gonna go on an adventure with you and we'd like show you the ship and then you'd be like, Oh, there's more to the world than this.

I'm terrified. My mentor, he took me into his basement today. And you know what he showed me there? What? People who weren't named Doug. What? They came from a terrible federation that was filled with Dugs and Melissa and Bills, all sorts of different names, and it was terrifying.

That could be us. I'm from that federation, I think.

What?

Uh, I'm pretty boofed for the middle of the day.

We are nailing it.

Oh sir?

Yeah, Twiliger, what uh What what's your thing? What's the thing you wanna have happen? What do you do?

Well, I work at engineering. Uh even though I have a science uniform. Can I get a gold uniform?

What is that is that your arc? Is that what you want to accomplish in Starfleet?

Yes.

Someday I'll have a go.

It's the four.

That's appropriate for the station that I work at.

Well what did you study? Well like what's your specialty?

Of course.

But like the theory of them?

Yes, I am a scientist.

Yeah, well then I don't I think that's above my pay grade.

You're the first officer.

Yeah, we also don't have pay, but why do we have a word for pay grade then?

Whoa

Darlene, screw acting Dr. Rip Stippley. You're the real doctor. Let's go down there together. Hold on. I'm gonna give you a quick little Okay. Okay. Let's go down there together. Great. You wanna know what I wrote my thesis on? Yeah. Menopause. You have to get up on the pad. Oh, okay. Two to beam down. Energize.

All these dogs have torches and pitchforks and they're really mad at me because I ordered sauce and they're got...

Is not done.

Also my nose is bleeding.

Yeah, okay, like I can take care of that. The rest of it I'm really not qualified for.

Wait, if we destroy these strangers, aren't we destroying?

That there are things other than Doug.

Okay cool, Adventure Doug's coming through just like I thought he might.

And other than Doug, it's Doug's That's right, it doesn't make sense. Doug starts with D. It should be T-D-I-D-

That's what I was trying to say when we came to the restaurant.

Our culture's built on a lie. We've been hiding here cause if we're afraid and if we continue to be afraid, we're just gonna go to our business and fill in our screens with left.

Well that actually sounds a lot like my job.

I wanna taste sauce.

He's finding his own way out of the fog. Doug, you want to taste sauce?

I wanna taste sauce. Sweet chicken sauce.

Doug, I've always wondered why we have sauce. I have wondered it If there's nothing to say no to and there's nothing to resist, then you're not making the choice to be Doug. Doug. Doug Doug. I wanna taste You know what? You eat your sauces and you go to your strangers. I'm going back to the business to fill a screen with letters and numbers.

Yeah. Don't you feel like there's something in the middle of the day? personality? Haven't you always felt this emptiness inside of you?

Have you been reading my dream journal, Doug? Yeah.

Yes, I broke into every Doug's house and read every dream journal.

You have that dream too, Doug? Yeah, of course I've had that. You've had that dream too, Doug? Yeah. Me too.

I learned today that we might be a thing called a trill.

Oh I just think you guys look like them.

Okay, well, you know, I I'm trying to make a point.

Well it actually as the doctor who could I don't know scan creatures' bodies for us to know maybe what species they are. Darlene, you're yelling. These beings are true. You guys, you guys, I'm so glad I found you. I found what I've been missing.

He has a good job.

I we're gonna get married. My name's Doug now.

Oh it's a hat.

Uh well Commander Hayes, I am ready to retire for the day, having done such a good job at being a Starfleet officer.

This was just like a perfect day.

Perfect day.

Like a quarter till two. Yeah.

Exactly. And we're all done. Gotta say I'm pretty proud at how good of a chief engineer I am. Considering that my actual major in Starfleet Academy was creating a society out of a single gene pool and time travel. I double majored.

Oh really? Yeah.

Never even came in handy. Really?

Yeah. Hey, since we've got all this extra time, do you wanna like show off?

So yeah. You you want me to show my uh show my chops in creating a society out of a single gene pool and time traveling at the same time?

Yeah, why not?

Yeah. All right, engineering override.

I don't want to.

Yeah.

Hey, uh, Anson Terwiliger, what's your first name? Doug. I like it.

Amen.

Amen.

Captain, I just spoke to the ship and while we've been planet side, Starfleet sent an update to the standard transponder frequencies. The new frequencies are a perfect match to the beacon we've been tracking. We're not looking for a very old signal, but a very new one.

Hey Captain, I know things are pretty much like resolving themselves here, but is that a statue of Lorem in the middle of this Dugtown Square?

Yeah, I don't wanna think about that.

Marco.

Hello.

This is how you navigate a fog.

Star Trek is unreal. New episodes are

You can go to the improvise star trek dot com to learn more about the ship and her crew.

Like us on Facebook or follow improv star trek on Twitter.

Post production of Improvised Star Trek is provided by very clever means.

With additional editing provided by Roger Payton.

Hannah Parsons.

Improvise Star.

Fan production. That's paramount.

Star Trek was created by Gene Run!