Chris is under siege from a pigeon who's nesting on his front porch. Will he survive this aggression? Who knows? Exploding soup cans, weird house selling superstitions, and other topics all get blown off so he can spend more time on the bird. Listen to Impolite Company!
Chris sings most of today's episode. We don't mean that he sings on today's show, we mean he SINGS THE DAMN SHOW. He assures us there were no drugs involved. Most of the show involves, Joe Biden, and how "Biden: The Musical" is not going to be made. He didn't mean for that to happen, but it did. We also briefly discussed new superhero trailers, but somehow made it back to Biden. The hour went by really fast. That's Impolite Company for you.
Do you have a "Go Bag?" What is the weird thing people are going to find when you die, a coffee can full of your fingernail clippings? R.I.P. coffee cans, in this age of plastic. Donald trump has an army of meth heads to protect him if he loses the next election. Sam Elliot. It's time for Impolite Company!
It's an abbreviated show today since Chris overslept. But, it's a perfect time to let you know about the recent change at Chris's local doughnut shop. The Mueller report is completed, and even though no one's read it, everyone's sure it supports their argument. Chris worries that the secret service will misinterpret his intentions.
Chris Cyr wonders why liberals are starting to eat at ChicFillA again. For that matter, why are they spending money on fish fries at churches across the country? Also, a completely made up survey about the end of the world.
Did you know that public transportation runs late as part of an organized conspiracy to increase the rate of fatal pneumonia in poor people? We did. Chris Cyr informs you on today's Impolite Company!
Chris describes his experience with a sensory deprivation tank, wonders why his bank doesn't accept cash half the time, Panda Express people are loud, and how did we survive Facebook being down? Get on Twitter and Get Ready for Today's Impolite Company!
All we're saying is that if you're a dude and your buddy says "Hey, check this out!" you let him send you a pic. Also, who, other than everyone, John Wayne was a racist homophobe? Toilet bowls full of foam. Snowstorms that may or may not come. And of course, a rant about social media. It's a full menu from Impolite Company!
Happy Valentine's Day from Impolite Company.
Yeah, we don't even know where to begin. A recent gig in rural Illinois has Chris concerned about vampires and cannibals. He has tips for both. It's a weird episode of Impolite Company!
Chris is certain he's a city kid through and through. He recounts a time his car was broken into and reveals that he's much more efficient at breaking into cars, but doesn't explain how he knows that. Also, doughnuts. It's a deep dive on today's Impolite Company.
We're not sure if Chris is ranting about Donald Trump and keeps getting distracted by Liam Neeson, or if he's ranting about Liam Neeson and keeps getting distracted by Donald Trump. But, we can all agree that it'd have been a different week if Liam had made his confession to Oprah, instead of to the Independent. Strap one on for today's Impolite Company!
It's been a year! Chris discusses personal and creative growth, and tells a few jokes he wrote in his first year of comedy. The new DCU shows are fun. Also, if you purposefully use the wrong pronoun to address a person, you're an a-hole. That's a pretty non-controversial opinion he pretends is a hot take. Don't be an a-hole. It's Impolite Company!
The government shut down is over and Chris wonders if this is the type of negotiating we can expect from the POTUS when he protects US interests with North Korea. Also, don't use duct tape for sex play, addresses the "why are you politicial?" question, and DON'T DUMP OUT COFFEE!!! For Christ's sake people, it's coffee.
A veritable buffet of American exceptionalism was bestowed upon the Clemson Tigers yesterday. Let's talk about it. Also, it snowed in St. Louis. Need lawn furniture?
Chris lists a number of things you could have done last night instead of watching Donald Trump's speech. It's a long list. The plural of "moose" is "moose." Right? The Chrysler Building is for sale.
Chris spends a lot of time talking about flat tires, which somehow still brings up the subjects of donuts. Do people pick up escorts at the front door? Does the government shutdown mean we can act crazy on mass transit now? And it's interesting that Trump didn't try making his little speech during the national championship game last night. Also, he's not even allowed to commit murder. So, relax.
Chris discusses the news that the Chinese government launched a lunar rover on the far side of the Earth's moon. Completely ignoring recent achievements by the U.S. space program, Chris angrily screams into the abyss about why we don't have an Auntie Anne's Pretzels at Lagrange 5 to serve colonists on their way to new worlds.
Chris bemoans the fact that it doesn't feel like Christmas, gives advice to long haul drivers tempted to buy imitation amphetamines, makes a suggestion about international nuclear proliferation that may be illegal, and more!
Chris gives you advice for your annual performance review, surviving toxic holiday culture in your corporate job, and if you're going to be an axe murderer, choose your victims wisely. Die Hard is a Christmas Movie.
Chris can't handle the Salvation Army bell ringers who block the ingress to every retail establishment he wants to go to this time of year. He spends a good part of the episode airing his grievances. George H.W. Bush died this week. The general feeling ranges from "SAD" to "MEH". Chris points out that no president gets into heaven, and the Prince always had more power than the sitting president. It's national cookie day. Eff cookies.
Chris gives a different take on Christmas classics like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, and How The Grinch Stole Christmas. He also made the mistake of listening to Christmas music on the way into the studio this morning.
Chris knows he needs a commercial, but isn't sure about what format to use. He makes sure you know how to celebrate the first Wednesday after Thanksgiving, more commonly known as Broke Wednesday. Chris also worries that he may get food poisoning.
Chris discusses the unavoidable problem of pie, the lessons of Creed 2, Christmas Trees, and kids. Get back into the swing of things with today's Impolite Company.
Cold bubbly water poured into your crotch will wake you up quite well. Chris shares this and other secrets. He also wants to know, what the hell is wrong with you, Missouri?
Chris has election advice for Missouri voters. Mostly, that advice is to not let Josh Hawley make it to the U.S. Senate. Seriously, Josh Hawley looks like he'd fuck cancer victims, in every sense of the word. Don't vote for him. Seriously. Don't fucking vote for that guy. Also, demons. We talk about demons, and rituals, and food, maybe? It got a little hazy at one point. Chris mispronounced Gillespie and Peyton cracked up. Hawley can text in an opposing opinion if he wants. We dare him....
It's Halloween! Draw your pentagrams, like your black candles, put on your robes, and place an Almond Joy in the center of the summoning circle for our Dark Lord to snack on after he appears. Chris has thoughts on this day. Let's see if he survives this episode of Impolite Company!
Chris discusses why drunk people shouldn't talk to the musician on stage. There's a discussion about weddings, why the government won't let you have a pokemon, and other topics. It's a fun ride on today's Impolite Company.
Yesterday, a bunch of suspicious packages were mailed to the offices of various people and institutions referred to as "enemies of the people" and other insults by the President of the United States. That was bad. Today one of those packages was received by Robert DeNiro. Chris lets these terrorists, whoever they are, Al Queda or Al Smith, know that they've gone too far.
Chris did not win the big ass lottery drawing last night. He didn't even buy a ticket. But he has a plan to get rich anyway. Unrelated fact: Did you know that it's practically impossible to prosecute 100 people for the same murder? Other unrelated fact: Do you know that $1.7 billion divided by 100 is still a really big number? Just kidding...
