If I Had a Million - podcast cover

If I Had a Million

Gil Abrams is a religious man, and not getting any younger. But after watching his wife die, and lines in his face getting deeper, he decides that maybe heaven can wait. Especially when he finds out about the new de-aging treatment on the market. The only problem is the cost. Being a retired janitor, his life savings don't quite cover the million yuan. The only option is to become a coyote, smuggling American immigrants by sea into Newfoundland from the civil war that rages below the border. It takes a lot of guts, determination, planning, and a risk-taking nature, none of which Gil has. In this dark satire podcast of the near future that the New York Times called absolutely nothing because they never heard of it, and wouldn’t care if they did, one man will decide if living far into the future is worth possibly giving up the present.

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Episodes

1970CA (Chapter 38 of 38)

Send us a text The Lord works in mysterious ways, and Gil has come to accept his fate. Sometimes it's the small pleasures in life that make it worthwhile, like going for a drive anywhere off your property for the first time in years, in a car that's lost its mind.

Jul 29, 202528 minSeason 1Ep. 38

186¥ (Chapter 37 of 38)

Send us a text Gil has taken a life of leisure in his home, in which he shares much of his time with his grandson. Dan appears to be in good health, and Melvin has gone back to the mainland. A two hundred foot diameter is all a man needs. Am I right?

Jul 22, 202523 minSeason 1Ep. 37

11¥ (Chapter 36 of 38)

Send us a text Gil is starting to feel his age, and Arron Bekker calls again. But his timing isn't great. Or maybe it's perfect.

Jul 15, 202527 minSeason 1Ep. 36

595,357¥ (Chapter 35 of 38)

Send us a text The big day has arrived, but nothing ever goes as planned. Yet with Frank leading the way, it gives Gil the confidence to push through.

Jul 08, 202544 minSeason 1Ep. 35

593,594¥ (Chapter 34 of 38)

Send us a text Gil has another difficult request for Frank, but this time Melvin is there to back him up.

Jul 01, 20256 minSeason 1Ep. 34

592,008¥ (Chapter 33 of 38)

Send us a text Most graveyard experiences aren't pleasant, but Gil's always seem way more complicated than they should be.

Jun 24, 202516 minSeason 1Ep. 33

590,701¥ (Chapter 32 of 38)

Send us a text The good Reverend goes missing and Melvin and Gil decide they need to have a conversation with his replacement. Well, it's more Melvin's decision, but Gil is at his side. And terrified. Everything is unraveling.

Jun 17, 202535 minSeason 1Ep. 32

586,114¥ (Chapter 31 of 38)

Send us a text Gil reveals something at the next v-cast that perhaps he should have kept to himself, but the repercussions are unusual. For him and his grandson.

Jun 10, 202537 minSeason 1Ep. 31

585,229¥ (Chapter 30 of 38)

Send us a text Gil and his young friends decide to give a helping hand to a man in need. Not that the man deserves it, or appreciates it, or is even a real man.

Jun 03, 202532 minSeason 1Ep. 30

581,921¥ (Chapter 29 of 38)

Send us a text Frank attempts to strike a deal with Gil and Melvin, but the one voice of sanity is not prepared for the pushback.

May 27, 202528 minSeason 1Ep. 29

580,124¥ (Chapter 28 of 38)

Send us a text Gil and his grandson are back in the v-cast. The insightful Park has some interesting questions as always, but Gil's answers don't disappoint. Sometimes even on purpose.

May 20, 202518 minSeason 1Ep. 28

577,393¥ (Chapter 27 of 38)

Send us a text Gil gets an unexpected visitor, and things get a little scary. But sometimes good things are scary.

May 13, 202533 minSeason 1Ep. 27

574,333¥ (Chapter 26 of 38)

Send us a text Francis is causing tension in Yi and Gil feels like it's his fault. Maybe it is. Or maybe Francis is a troubled kid. After all, they did torture Joseph Stalin.

May 06, 202537 minSeason 1Ep. 26

572,778¥ (Chapter 25 of 38)

Send us a text Gil's newest "guests" will not follow orders. Or advice. Or just general common sense. But at least they can speak in tongues.

Apr 29, 202538 minSeason 1Ep. 25

571,778¥ (Chapter 24 of 38)

Send us a text Gil revisits the past in the next episode of Park's v-cast. But his biggest fear is that the past might visit him.

Apr 22, 202522 minSeason 1Ep. 24

568,389¥ (Chapter 23 of 38)

Send us a text Once again, Gil dons the Occip and enters the Song Dynasty with his posse. There are many strange sights and sounds as they approach the city. But strangest of all is a mysterious old man who knows more than he should.

Apr 15, 202523 minSeason 1Ep. 23

565,779¥ (Chapter 22 of 38)

Send us a text Gil's latest "guests" might actually be less intelligent than the last ones. None of them are getting any easier to deal with. But at least his new relationship is taking the edge off...or sharpening it, depending on how one looks at it. Either way, Newfoundland is nowhere near Finland!

Apr 08, 202544 minSeason 1Ep. 22

338,169¥ (Chapter 21 of 38)

Send us a text With more "work" on the horizon, Gil figures it's time for another visit to his wife's grave. This time he'll keep Dan in the car. Not that this keeps Amy's lifestone from finding other reasons to be angry with him.

Apr 01, 202516 minSeason 1Ep. 21

335,131¥ (Chapter 20 of 38)

Send us a text Going to church is usually a predictable experience, but not always. The thing about the American immigrants is that although they might come from the same side of the border, they might not be from the same side of the war. Not that the service was all negative. Some of the Americans may not be friendly with one another, but a certain someone is unexpectedly friendly with Gil.

Mar 25, 202527 minSeason 1Ep. 20

332,531¥ (Chapter 19 of 38)

Send us a text With Gil's strange guests staying in the shed it's not easy for him and Melvin to relax. But at least the visitors are keeping quiet. Maybe a little too quiet.

Mar 18, 202517 minSeason 1Ep. 19

332,388¥ (Chapter 18 of 38)

Send us a text Rescuing Magas on the open ocean is a harrowing task. And you never know who or what you might get. Some Americans might be more easy to get along with than others, but that's not important. What's important is that Melvin, Gil, and Reverend Tom are doing the Lord's work. One of them might even understand his pain.

Mar 11, 202536 min

287,008¥ (Chapter 17 of 38)

Send us a text Gil, Melvin, and Park attend church, but Melvin is not there to get the glory in him. Not that kind of glory anyway. Things are setting in motion and he is all in.

Mar 04, 202510 minSeason 1Ep. 17

286,188¥ (Chapter 16 of 38)

Send us a text Gil visits his son, Melvin, in the border town of Windsor, Ontario. After all, talking in person is the only true way to have a private conversation these days. Park and Dan come along as well. The strong military presence is a little unnerving, but at least the pool is great. Anything to take the weight off Gil and Dan's old bones.

Feb 25, 202527 minSeason 1Ep. 16

282,967¥ (Chapter 15 of 38)

Send us a text Alcohol might be a shortcut to courage, but there's a heavy price to pay. And waking up on the floor is only one of them in Gil's case. Will Reverend Tom help him out? Will he ever let Dan lick his face again? Will Melvin stop calling him a cheapskate? Listen and find out.

Feb 18, 202514 minSeason 1Ep. 15

282,583¥ (Chapter 14 of 38)

Send us a text Gil decides that in order to pursue his goals he needs to ask a favour of a tormentor from his past. This opens old wounds that he thought had healed, and creates new ones. Sort of.

Feb 11, 20251 hr 32 minSeason 1Ep. 14

280,106¥ (Chapter 13 of 38)

Send us a text If there's one thing that should be a moment of thoughtful repose, it's visiting a loved one's grave. Unfortunately, this isn't the case for Gil Abrams. With talking lifestones, a nosey dog, and a weaponized purse, it's anything but.

Feb 04, 202524 minSeason 1Ep. 13

278,286¥ (Chapter 12 of 38)

Send us a text Things are starting to level off, and the money isn't pouring in like Gil had hoped. What are his options? His recent v-cast with Park reminds him that there might only be one, or even worse, perhaps it was all a scam.

Jan 28, 202520 minSeason 1Ep. 12

273,856¥ (Chapter 11 of 38)

Send us a text Gil is rattled, but it's obvious God is watching over him. He could be behind bars. He could be drowned. Or even worse, his son. Gil has certainly learned a few things on his foray into the world of human smuggling. And not only that he should always bring a change of clothes.

Jan 21, 202520 minSeason 1Ep. 11

273,659¥ (Chapter 10 of 38)

Send us a text The big day has arrived. But not for Gil. He simply doesn't have the nerve. Although watching his son risk it all is already enough to keep him up all night. Will God protect Melvin and Reverend Tom? Who the good Lord chooses as his instruments is mysterious indeed. Some might say reckless.

Jan 14, 202538 minSeason 1Ep. 10

269,554¥ (Chapter 9 of 38)

Send us a text Ballsacks, Nutsacks, and Dogecoin, three of the many essential financial terms one must learn to keep up in the second half of the twenty-first century. It's just that Gil wonders if he wants to. Especially when he finds out they are types of currency. But strange or not, they are flowing into his Gimmee account. If it wasn't for the worry of his son risking his life on the open ocean Gil might even be excited....

Jan 07, 202517 minSeason 1Ep. 9
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