It Was My Own Husband That Was Doing The Worst Possible Thing To Me

Why have we asked our contractor we found on Andy.com to be our kids' legal guardian? Because he took such good care when redoing our basement that we knew we could trust him to care for our kids. Uh, we only met a month ago. Angie, the one you trust, to find the ones you trust. Find pros for all your home projects at angie.com. This episode contains subject matter that may be disturbing to some listeners. Listener discretion is advised.

I met Juan back in second grade. Basically, he didn't he wasn't only my boyfriend, he was also my best friend. Real people. In the beginning we had a wonderful marriage. We had a wonderful life. I loved him who faced death. He pulled out a shotgun. And he pointed it at me. At that moment, my body just froze. and live to tell how. So I kept begging him to stop. I said no. My life was being shattered at that moment and

And it was my own husband that was doing like the worst possible thing to me that could ever be done. This is I survived. It's March 2008 in Carlsbad, California. Crystal and her husband Sean live in an exclusive gated community. I met Sean when I was 20 years old and he was 21 and we were both just in our last year of college. and um just fell in love head over heels almost immediately.

He was um really good looking. He was very smart, really funny, and we got married when I was 23 after I graduated from college. And um we had a really, really happy life in in those early days. For two years, Crystal and Sean looked like the perfect couple. So I had to drive him to work one day and while I was doing that he we were in a fight that morning and um he reached over and he just he backhanded me, you know, it was sort of a open punch kind of.

I was shocked and sad, you know, really sad because I was always the type of woman who always told myself that if any man ever hits me, I'm out I'm not gonna stand for that and I'm out of there. And that's what I did. I ended up talking to an attorney and filing for divorce and everything. We did end up pressing charges. What happened in the court was he was sentenced to anger management and a 52-week anger management course.

I thought, well, this is a chance for us to to keep our marriage. And um and so we we I very slowly um reconciled with Sean based on that. I felt like he had changed. Um, he definitely seemed committed to um the marriage into um acting correctly and doing the right thing and um know, did not want to lose me and um

And we had some happy years after that. Crystal's career as a stockbroker gave the couple a six-figure income. When their first child was born, Sean became a stay-at-home dad. He kind of knew that I had a philosophy which was, you know, before you have kids You know, if you if the marriage breaks up, it breaks up, you know. But in my mind, once kids are brought into the equation, y you have to stick it out.

once the that our first son was born, he he was sort of like, Well, now I can kind of do whatever I want. I don't know because it was such a change in his behavior, that's all I can think of f to explain why He didn't try as hard anymore. In 2005, Crystal and Sean had a second baby. That exact same month that our second child was born, um, Sean's father passed away. and Sean's dad was the most important person in the world to him. Sean completely detached from the family. Um, he would

delve deeper and deeper into this depression. He would sleep all the time. Uh he played video games all night long, and then the sleeping all day long. I didn't want to put my infant in daycare, that was the whole point of Sean staying home, but I would rather have him in daycare than have him being taken care of by somebody who's not looking after him. I said, fine, whether you get a job or not, you can stay home. Please let me just put him in daycare.

And um he refused. He would not allow it. In the beginning, you know, there we had a wonderful marriage. We had a wonderful life. I loved him, but for the most part I rarely, rarely saw him anymore. Um, in that light that I that I loved. Um, he was gone. He was gone. Sean's controlling behavior became more aggressive.

We had gotten in a big fight and I called the police and he took off before they even got there. And um he didn't come back for a couple of days. And um When he did come back, He told me, I'm sick of you telling me you're gonna, you know, leave me. Um and uh and I'm sick of you calling the police and it all ends today and if you ever do that again I'm gonna kill you. I'm living under the threat of death. and a and I one time when I was at church, um, they had us do an exercise, which was um

putting all your worries, you know, like in God's hands. And they had us like write it down. I wrote, I'm afraid that uh my husband's gonna kill me and my my kids will have no mother And like it just crystallized it for me, like what I was dealing with. And so, um So anyways, that's what I was living. That's what my life was. Too afraid to tell anyone, Crystal tried to carry on as normal. She took Sean and her sons to an Easter event at her church. It didn't go well. Sean was

you know, a jerk all day. And when we finally left, another car was coming straight at us in this makeshift gravel parking lot, and Sean did some gesture to this other driver. And I said, Sean Can you please not do that to these people? This is people I go to church with. And after I said that I I had sort of thought w it was over and I'm looking out the window and he puts his finger into my windpipe, like really hard and s and I mean, just totally cuts off my air.

And I can't breathe and I and I'm cry I I'm starting to just burst out tears because it's painful. And he says something like, Well, you've been pushing my buttons all day and now I'm gonna push yours. Right at that moment, I just realized that he just hurt me in front of my kids. They just saw this and uh you know, both of the kids are like totally freaking out crying. I just was in a box. Um I didn't know what to do.

And I believed him. Like he was very serious and he meant every word he said. What can I do? Because if I do leave, I really do think that he's gonna make good on this. So um I felt trapped. He taunted me about calling the police. He's like, Oh, you wanna call the police? Haha, call the police. I'd love if you call the police, you know, and um it was It was humiliating.

So I start thinking about how I can document what's happening to me. You know, how am I gonna prove that this crime is happening? I'm gonna see if I'm ever able to get these death threats on tape.

I put my tape recorder in my drawer, and I also made sort of a mental note of where the record button was so I could just psh hit it without even looking at it. A few days later, Crystal was alone in the bedroom. Sean came into the room and uh he immediately asked if he could have you know if we could have sex. He started talking about how this was not up for negotiation. All of a sudden I remembered I have that tape recorder in the drawer not far from where we were.

I took out a pair of underwear, acting l like I had a reason to open the drawer and um hit the record button as I did it on the tape recorder that was in there. I said, I do not want to do this and that just sent him into a fury. He just flew off the bed, came straight over to me, grabbed me, and he's physically pushing my head onto him, literally making me gag on him. I'm gagging, I cannot breathe. I'm literally choking on him as well.

I can't breathe, I can't breathe, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I can't breathe! My life was being shattered at that moment. And it was my own husband that was doing like the worst possible thing to me that could ever be done. And it's not it's not just sex, you know, this is worse. It's like a betrayal of the highest sort. And so um so I kept begging him to stop. I said no. I said no. More than fifty times. I said no. And um

He didn't care. In fact, I know he I know he was enjoying that. And so I um I was trying to just get this over with. And so at some point when he wasn't happy with whatever I was doing, whatever he was wanting me to do, he decided he was gonna rape me and um And even then I just cried the whole time. I couldn't fight anymore though.

When he finally finished, it just went. I got up and I went into the bathroom and I just said, I cannot believe you just raped your own wife. And he came into the bathroom after that. And he hit me again. And he and he pushed me up against the shower and he started choking me again and he said, I don't want to be lied to And I said, I ha I haven't been lying to you. I said I was confused by your question and he said

You know, when I when I dump your body when I kill you and I dump your body, I'll make sure to to carve that on your forehead. I'm confused. I Survived is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible, financial geniuses, monetary magicians, These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to progressive and save hundreds.

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Trapped by her violent husband, Crystal fears for her life if she leaves. One afternoon, her husband Sean rapes her. She tapes the attack on a hidden mini cassette recorder. Guess I got myself cleaned up and he went away long enough to where I could turn off the the tape recorder. I was too afraid to call the police. I believed that if the police did arrest him, that he would be out the very next day and be even more angry and take his revenge on me. I did not trust.

The police or the justice system at all. Four days later, Crystal arrived home from work to an enraged Sean. And he says, Where have you been all day? I said I was at work. And he says, Are you sure? You sure you're not lying again? And I realize immediately like I've walked into the house of horror again, you know. And he says um that he had been tracking me that day on my cell phone. And he said, Go downstairs to the computer and you can check the tracker and see what a liar you are.

And so he forces me, he tells me to go downstairs and look at it on the on the computer. So I do. He comes up to me and he puts his hands on my neck and he starts choking me and he starts choking me so hard and so long that I realize that this is he's gone up a notch again. I thought I was gonna die. I mean I thought

Any second, I'm going to blackout and I'm never going to wake up again. And he said, You lied to me again, and you have to be punished. So all I could think about at that moment was my voice. Because my boys were upstairs and I was worried about them. Sean, I said you did, you just punished me right now. I said you almost just killed me. Please. Please do not do this and he said he said you're going to be punished. My heart just dropped.

And I I just begged him, but I looked in his eyes and it was not my husband even there. He was not even there. He started tearing off my clothes and he very brutally. did rape me. I was not his wife. It was like I was some object. And he kept trying to get me to say that like he he kept telling me, say I'm a liar Um and say that I deserve this and and I refused. I just I couldn't do it. Um after it ended, I just immediately had to just clean myself off. I I could not Stand how I felt.

And I was crying. The most deepest My husband comes up and he comes into the shower. He he puts his head in the shower and he and he says Are there gonna be any more lies? If I leave, he'll kill me. Well this night, all of a sudden I realized I'm gonna be dead if I stay. And I felt like I I no matter what I have to leave, uh, regardless of the consequence.

At this point it's about 6.30 in the evening, and all I can think about is getting to my kids. I wanted to get them into bed. I felt like I couldn't make any moves for safety until I got them into bed. My adrenaline could not have been pumping more. Um It was so nerve-wracking. I was just praying that Sean would s this would be a night that Sean would get on the computer. It would be rare if he didn't, but you never know.

And so I told Sean that I was going to bed and um I put pillows in the bed where I would normally be sleeping. and um called my mom and just told her what happened and and said, you know, should I Should I? Call the police? Should I what should I do? But I I was afraid to call them from inside the house. I didn't want to be caught on the phone or didn't want them to pull up, but we live in a gated community. It's never easy to call the police from my house.

Waiting until Sean was on his computer, Crystal crept down the hallway. We have an alarm system that makes a a chiming sound every time a door is open or closed or a window is open or closed, and so I disabled that uh that chiming sound. I walked down the stairs and I just kept one eye behind me and um I opened the door and I walked out all the while just just freaking out, you know, thinking that he's gonna realize I'm gone. He's gonna come out looking for me.

I immediately called nine one one, but, you know, as I'm on the phone with nine one one, I'm, you know, trying to find a good bush to to be hiding in in case he comes out. Nine one one emergency. You're hired. I need to police at myself. What's going on? Uh my husband is threatening to kill me. Okay. He killed me.

Are you inside the ho house? No, I just I'm outside the house. He doesn't know I'm gone. Okay. I don't want you to go back inside the house with him. I am not. Just stay on the phone with me, Crystal. I want you to let you know that we have dispatched police. They're driving there as we're talking, so just stay on the phone with me, okay?

They just went straight in and went straight up to the third floor, um, with their guns drawn and said, Put your hands up and put him under arrest and um that's the last time that

I've ever spoken to him. While awaiting trial, Sean took Crystal to court. He took to the family court to continue his abuse there and he um petitioned the court for spousal support. Here's the guy who raped me, choked me, brutalized me, um, you know, tried to kill me, did all these things to me, and and the judge orders me to write him a check every month. The original amount that he would have r uh received in spousal support had he not raped me was three thousand dollars a month.

But since the judge did make the finding of domestic violence, uh that he had raped me, the judge knocked that amount down to a thousand dollars, making me pay a thousand dollars a month to my own rapist. It's sick. Two years after his arrest, the criminal case against Crystal's ex husband went to trial. He was uh charged with uh three felonies, four storal copulation, spousal rape and sodomy, and he was convicted only of forestoral copulation. It was a hung jury on the other two.

Even in a case like this, where I had a tape recording of him raping me, the jury said that at that point I wasn't fighting him enough. So, um You know, that tells you what you need to know about spousal crimes. They're they're beyond difficult for a for a DA to prosecute. Sean Harris was sentenced to six years in prison and was ordered to register as a sex offender for life.

While he's in prison, I don't have to pay him because the state of California is supporting him. But when he gets out of prison, he'll be able to come right back in front of this judge and ask for spousal support again. I've gone on to try to change the law and a bill has been introduced Um will make it so that anyone who's been convicted of a violent felony, violent sexual felony against their spouse, will not be entitled.

to spousal support. And unfortunately, this bill it won't help my case because it's not retroactive. No woman who ever goes through what I had to go through will be humiliated in the same way again. I survived because I always kept my kids in mind. I did everything with the end goal. of our survival, of just thinking about what it would take to make sure that we were alive at the end of the day. Sean is released uh in May of 2014. Um I believe that

perhaps this was only round one for me. Um I'm still in fear of my life. I think that he will make good on his threats, or at least try to. I'll do all I can to continue to be a survivor, but He he scares me.

It's March 2007 in Cleveland, Ohio. Joanna lives with her grandparents. When I was thirteen years old, my mother got really, really sick. My dad signed the papers, they turned the machines off, she died. Eleven days after my mom passing, my father got into a car accident and passed away instantly. I was 13 and my brother was 11 years old.

When my parents passed away, I took the big sister role. I took care of him. Along alongside with my grandparents. Because they took care of us. They took us in. In high school, fifteen year old Joanna began dating a classmate named Juan. What really attracted me to him wasn't only how he was good looking, because he was, um, but He was very, very funny and very smart. Deck and second grade. We actually grew up in school together. We were friends before we even thought about dating.

My family got along with Juan. They loved Juan. So I mean people thought we were a great couple. My family thought we were a great couple. Basically, he didn't he wasn't only my boyfriend, he was also my best friend.

About four to five months in their relationship with Juan, um he began to be a very jealous person. He accused me of cheating if he uh If he saw me give a guy a hug or when when he saw me laughing with a guy or um talking over classwork or something, he will accuse me of either flirting, that I was um that I want that guy and I just knew something just wasn't right.

But I just didn't I just looked past it. I thought that not that it was normal, but I thought that it was something that happens in relationships that I can deal with it. The controlling and emotional abuse, you know, the verbal abuse. went on for a year. I mean, it was horrible, you know, controlling me. I couldn't wear certain clothes. I couldn't wear shorts or skirts. He will verbally attack me, tell me that I was fat and ugly, worthless, cursed at me.

Constantly. It wasn't till after a year where it actually became physical. He slapped me across my face. And from there I just remember I was just so in shock really that he actually put his hands on me. And I told him that I just I'm like, if it's gonna be like this, I'm not gonna be with you. But then yet he cried, he said that he was sorry, he held me in his arms, and he promised that he will never hit me again.

And since I was in love with him and I wanted to believe in his words, I went back to him. By their senior year, Juan had become even more possessive. He's like, if you really, really love me and cared for me, you will talk to me and not your friends. You know, he wanted my password for my space. Also taking my phone away from me, looking through my phone, like every day, every day when I went to school, he will take my cell phone during a day and he will give it to me by the end of the day.

When he dropped me back off at home. Juan and I dated for two years. Total. I knew that everything he kept every time he kept saying, Baby, I'll change. I wanna be different. It's going to be different. I can't do it without you. Please stay with me. In time those promises just They just didn't mean anything to me anymore. I'm so drained. I'm not the person I used to be. I d I feel lost. I don't see five years with him. I don't see forever with him.

And I called him and I broke up with him. I told him that I just can't do it anymore. After the breakup, he Just had his friends come up to me to talk to me and he left me gifts on my doorstep. They went straight to the garbage. Said I didn't want nothing to do with him. A week later, Joanna was woken by a noise outside her bedroom window. It was Juan. Um Juan was out there. He started banging on the window really loud and my brother's bedroom was right next door.

I didn't want him waking up. So I finally let him in. He hopped um from my window. He came in. He grabbed me and slammed me on my bed. And then he asked me. for another chance. He asked me to go back out with him that he loves me and I told him I'm sorry, but no. I don't wanna be with you anymore. I'm not even in love with you anymore. It's over. It's done. So he was like, okay, fine. And he grabbed his coat and he took out two kitchen knives. Then he put one on my chest and one on my throat.

And he told me, give me another chance, or I'm going to kill you. Then I'm going to kill myself. High school seniors Joanna and Juan break up over Juan's possessive behavior. Juan, refusing to accept the breakup, comes to Joanna's window one night. When she lets him in, he pulls out two knives and threatens to kill her. And he was like, Give me another chance or I'm gonna kill you. And I'm telling him, Stop, just stop it. Just don't don't do anything. I am crying, I'm terrified.

I didn't want to scream for help as much as I wanted to. Because if my family would have came a for m you know, to my rescue to help me, Who knows what could have happened? And I told myself, tell him what he wants to hear. And maybe he won't hurt you. So I told him that fine, we're back together. Just put him down. So there's where he put the knives down. He started talking to me like nothing ever happened. Then he went for a kiss. I lightly pushed him off and said

No, just stop. But he wouldn't stop. Juan forced Joanna to have sex. During the rape I um You know, I I I I kept crying. I kept crying. I tried not to show it. I tried not to show any type of emotion'cause I know it would have angered him even more. So, um, I bet in his mind, in his eyes, he didn't feel or even thought it was rape, but

I I knew it was because I didn't want any part of it. I didn't want to do it. I was just afraid because the knives were there. And I didn't want to fight them off. After everything was over, I remember I just felt lost. I thought about the good moments we had and how disgusted I felt at that moment of actually knowing him and that I actually had love for him before. He uh basically just said if I said anything to anyone

that he was going to kill me. Then he went home. He jumped off the window and... left. The next day in school I have first pair classless gym class and I hung out with two girls. They asked me what was wrong with me and I started crying and I ended up telling them that Horn raped me and I didn't know what to do about it.

So they told me of course that I had to tell someone that I had to call the police and at first I I was too afraid to do it but something in me just told me that I had to do something and Um, the police officers came in, told him what happened and f I believe it was a few hours after that, Juan got arrested while I was going to the hospital. I felt relieved actually because he wasn't out on the street. I knew that he wasn't going to hurt me or anyone else. The feeling changed.

after four days of his arrest'cause he was let out on house arrest. I tryna convince myself that while he was on house arrest nothing would happen since he had an ankle bracelet on. But I was wrong. He stalked me. Uh everywhere I was, he was around the corner. I was very Not only was I scared, but I couldn't sleep that night now. Um I remember I actually put a knife underneath my pillow at night. Just that's how scared I really was. I didn't sleep in that bedroom.

I ended up sleeping on the couch in the living room. I felt safer. I just didn't walk alone anymore. I If I wasn't driving, I had someone walk with me every day, uh, to school and to go home. I was so scared and cautious. I was afraid that he would be there and most of the time he was there. One afternoon, Joanna was getting ready to go out. Something didn't feel right. But I just ignored the feeling because I was feeling that way for

Two long weeks and I just basically I'm just paranoid. I'm fine, everything's okay. And I walked up to my car. Something move on my left side. And I looked, I took a look, I saw someone come out from the back of my garage, dressed in all black. And then he pulled out a shotgun. And he pointed it at me. I knew that it was him at that moment. I just look at him. And he's looking at me.

And all these thoughts running through my head like why is he here? He's not supposed to be here. What's going to happen? 15 feet away from me, pointing the gun at me. And he looked at me and he smiled. My body just froze. I had no reaction. All I was able to do was just look at him. And I'm thinking about the good times that we had together. How sadly it ended and I am facing him now. And I snapped out of it. I snapped out of the third and I go to turn the car on and it was too late after that.

Juan had already shot me in the face. I felt him come like come towards the car to see if I was dead or not. I had a huge, huge feeling I was not going to make it. I had I was so sure I was going to die. There we I knew there was no way I was going to survive. And My grandmother, I hear her screaming my name. My hair was long at the time and it was covering my face and she's trying to get the hair out of my face and n next thing I know She just starts screaming.

And then she's asking me, who did this to you? Who did this to you? And with all the energy I had, I said, Honda. Joanna was rushed to a nearby hospital. The doctor. In the emergency room basically told my family that half of my lower face was gone and that there was a high chance that I would not make it. And so my family were actually prepared for the worst. And I was prepared for the worst.

I have had about nine to a dozen surgeries. It took about four years now that I look the way I look today. The main surgery to reconstruct me a new jaw was actually a month after the incident when they did the big surgery, which was obviously a big success. I still have more surgery to go to go through, but it's very slow. It's a slow process. Within an hour of shooting Joanna, Juan was arrested at his home. He pleaded guilty to attempted aggravated murder, rape, retaliation, and escape.

At his sentencing I guess I was able to say something to him. I told him that I didn't hate him, that I wasn't mad at him, that I forgive him. That I pray for him every single day. But whatever he had common to him, he deserved it. Juan Ruiz was sentenced to 27 years in prison with no parole. Joanna is engaged to be married and is now a teen educator at a domestic violence center.

to basically tell these girls that are going through abusive relationships that you need to get out of it early. Don't let it get to being physical. I hate when people ask why does she stay? Because that's the wrong question we should be asking. The question we should ask is why is he being that way? People tend to judge the victim when we should be pointing the finger at the perpetrator. I survived because of my family, especially my baby brother.

also to help young women on this cause teen dating violence, that they deserve better, that they could get out, that there is a brighter future than if I was able to make it. Ways free. Huzzah. Pluto TV. Stream now. Pay never. You're welcome.