0119 - Law of Attraction F*cked Me Up - Bipolar Relationships

00:00 - Temple (Host)
I don't know what the is going on. We're going to talk about the dark side of the law of attraction today, because there is a lot of marketing, a lot of traction has been around for a long, long time, long before it was a book or a movie, the secret or any of that stuff. People, yogis, ashras, they they practice what you put out is what you bring back, things like that. Some people believe in karma, but all of that has been very commercialized into kind of like a trick monkey. You know what I mean. So we're going to talk a little bit about the other side of that, how we've taken it too far and some of us are getting really guilted by the things that are showing up in our lives and then stamping law of attraction on it. Okay, how's that fun, you guys? Okay, so here's our topic. Right, we're all adults, so I think you can handle it. I'm gonna say it. I think the law of attraction might have me up. I mean, I gotta say, I gotta be honest. I think yes. So let me just give you a little background. 

01:05
I came from a lifetime of spiritual studies. I mean, if you guys remember, I had a birthday party a couple weeks ago and the first time I moved to Portland, oregon, from California, I walked into one of those spiritual bookstores. I was only 21 years old when I found this bookstore and it was filled with every type of like, consciousness, spirituality, intuition, you know, beautiful crystals and jewelry. And I was like what is this space? I was so enthralled, I was in love immediately and started my journey on really trying to understand what consciousness was, on how I could be a conscious person in the world, on how I create, on how I show up in the world. You know how I am sensitive to people, how do I contribute and still live a quality of life that I want to enjoy. And those times in those bookstores were so healing for me because I realized that conscious action is real, conscious thought is real. Law of attraction wasn't a word. Then I went to a church in Portland called the Center for Spiritual Living and when I was like, oh, I'm going to check this out, when I walked in, I was clearly the youngest person in the room. Most people were in their 50s and 60s and I was in my early 20s and I thought you know what? There must be something good here, because people over 50, they start to not give a shit about what people think and they want to focus more on their quality of life instead of being what their family expects them to be or being what their bosses expect them to be, and especially the ones that were in their 70s and 80s. I thought, wow, there's something really special here and I wanted to find out. So I stuck around and I spent well, now that we can do the math, I'll tell you guys how old I am. 

03:02
I spent the last 30 years in constant spiritual studies for consciousness, and that includes anything you can think about. I mean, there's the cover stories of Deepak Chopra and Neil Donald Walsh and things like that. I mean they're very commercialized. But I studied much more than that Emma Curtis Hopkins and Caroline Mace and I went as deep as I could to figure out why was I in pain all the time? Why? Why was this bright, shiny, bubbly, loving life personality always in pain on some level? So I spent a lifetime trying to figure that out, researching it, and the mantra of the church that I was in was change your thinking, change your life. Okay, change your thinking, change your life. I mean, how simple can that be? If you don't like it. Just think something else. That's all you got to do. So I really have bought in to these principles of thinking my way out of stuff because, oh, I'm, you know, I'm an intelligent person, I love to study, I love to research straight a student in school, yeah, yeah, yeah. All I got to do is read enough and I will figure this out. Yet Somehow, some way. 

04:15
No matter how much studying I did, I was still in pain and I still kept attracting relationships that really broke my heart. I mean, I set myself up for a few of them. I was a foster mom for teenage girls, so you know, I kind of set myself up for that, but my heart was in the right place. I thought these girls need a safe place, and that's what I wanted to provide. And their pain was so intense that they really didn't want to bond with somebody like me that wanted to help them feel safe. They wanted to find their own way, and so my heart got broken a lot by not being able to make somebody happy enough to feel safe to be with me. All right, did you hear that? Let me say it again. I realized that I could not make somebody feel happy enough to be safe with me. 

05:04
Now that's a program that's been in me for a very long time and it wasn't just with the teenage girls. It came before that with my mom, who pretty much has all the characteristics of bipolar. But they didn't talk about that in the seventies. They just said it was women that had emotions and gave them value. But she was somebody who was very manic and then depressed, and then manic and then depressed, and I learned very quickly all of us kids learned that the way to make my mom happy was to achieve, to do things excellent. That made her happy. 

05:40
So I became an overachiever because I needed that approval. I really wanted her to be happy. I wanted her to feel safe, to be happy with me, but still got my ass beat for stupid shit, like I didn't fold the towels right or didn't run the vacuum in the right part. So my efforts of trying to get somebody to accept me for exactly who I am and how I am kept faltering. So there's my program, right. There's my point of attraction. Ding, ding, ding, ding. Anybody have a bell go off right now. There's my point of attraction. That was programmed in me as a very little girl and it found a pocket in my heart and just sat there and, no matter how much I tried to study my way out of it and think my way out of it and manifest my way out of it, I had this little pocket of insecurity that I could never really make anybody happy, and that is the theme of the law of attraction that I have been carrying in a program from relationship to relationship. Sam, how do you feel about that comment? 

06:45 - Guest (Guest)
That's actually very insightful because I can honestly say that level of insecurity I also have and I grew up in a very stereotypical, loving, middle-class home, but my mom also and not necessarily the same as your mom, a little bit different. We have had a very tumultuous relationship over the years. I talked about it and a big part of that. If she did not envision something for me that I saw for myself, it became a battle. And being a normal 16, 17, even younger than that young woman who, like myself, who is very strong minded, that really didn't go well and I think I have always looked for somebody who was going to, in my opinion, love me unconditionally, because I never felt unconditionally loved. And that was someone who loved like I do in such a deep way, and that's what I searched for in every partner I had in such a deep way, and that's what I searched for in every partner I had, because I hadn't met a single soul, family, not family like that. 

07:50
Yeah, and that being said, you know I always I'm also like an overachiever. I was very successful very young. I owned a business, I did a lot of cool things, I used to be in the modeling and entertainment industry and I became successful very young. But, that being said, now being an adult and taking a different career path, I put a very big pressure on myself that I feel like I should be almost higher than where I am right now and I need to learn to just love the place I'm in. That's my biggest struggle, because I've always been searching for better and it's okay to just enjoy your space. It's okay to just grow as a human being and not be perfect. It's okay to live life and just do things a little slower. 

08:36
But, coming from the background, I did everything fast. I worked from 16 years old, like my husband at 20, I I got engaged at 21,. I got married at 23. Everything was just rocket fire. I think my weakness is I like to do everything excellent and I want it to be 100% genuine, and that's not always easy. 

08:57 - Temple (Host)
Right. You know what that is so synchronistic that you brought that up, sam, because there's two directions that you go. When you don't get the approval that you need as a kid, you either become an achiever or a caregiver. Okay, now, some of us are most of us are probably both right at this point. I'm definitely a caregiver Now, I wasn't as a kid because I was the youngest, but quickly as I went into adulthood, I really started taking care of people emotionally, however I could, financially, and then achieving. 

09:33
There you go. You have to get. That is your point of attraction, sam. Okay, so you're saying you know we have to be okay with where we're at right. So I'm going to get to that in a second, because the thing about the law of attraction is that you can do a lot of cool stuff with it. 

09:50
As far as manifesting goes, like you said, sam, you've achieved things, you've had really cool experiences, and when you visualize something that you are in alignment with that, there's not a whole bunch of resistance to it's like boom happens. Absolutely, I'm aligned, I'm visioning it. It just like magic money shows up. You're sitting at a in the airport and somebody turns around and starts having the most deep conversation you've ever heard in your life and tells you some kind of life-changing insight. Things manifest for you because you're a conscious person a little easier. You know you might get a better parking spot, things like that. But here's the twist, here's the rub, here's where we fuck it up. Teal Swan had some very powerful universal channeling energy where she talked about how we are limiting ourselves by looking at the law of attraction as some kind of magic trick. Because what if you're supposed to be going through something really bad? You know, I mean, the contrast is a gift, because I don't know about you but I'm pretty motivated by things not going my way. 

11:02 - Guest (Guest)
Yeah, no, I'm also the same way, though 100%. I think I'm motivated by failure because I don't like failure. I want to succeed, obviously, but I have learned the grace of knowing when to put things to bed, and that just has came from. Unfortunately, many are experiences of being disappointed, but if something doesn't serve you and doesn't make you happy anymore, it's okay to take a break from it. 

11:29 - Temple (Host)
Yes. So how many of us were born into a traumatic experience? I would say the odds are most everybody has had. I won't say everybody, but most everybody in this room has probably experienced some kind of trauma in their young life. Maybe your parents got divorced early, or maybe you had an absentee parent, or maybe there was physical abuse, sexual abuse, mental abuse, abandonment I mean there's a long list of options for us to be traumatized as kids and when you have family, they have just as much pain and baggage as society has been bringing in for centuries. They're trying to be conscious. 

12:14
But here we are, you know, we're these bright little beings and we're just sucking in all of the energy around us because we want that, we want that love, we want that approval from our parents and our siblings and grandma and grandpa and everybody. But they have trauma too. They have a point of attraction too, of trauma. So as you go out into the world and you start dating, your point of attraction still has that seed of trauma and a belief that no matter how good I am to someone, they will turn on me. So I attracted people that broke my heart a lot and I would go into my spiritual practices to forgive and be grateful for all the experiences and that it's my creation and that every bad thing that happens to me is just for my lessons to grow. Okay, I get it. Yep, I'm still not smart enough, I'm still not good enough, I'm still not powerful enough to stop creating these shitty experiences. Okay, that's where the rub is. That's where we're turning the law of attraction into a shame based principle. Because if you're somebody who's a conscious person, who takes the time to think about others and your surroundings and be giving and forgiving to your community, your family, your friends, and then when something happens to you and you go, oh well, I must've screwed up somewhere, karma must've got me, or you know, I guess I need to pray a little harder Temple. You just don't pray enough. You need to meditate more Temple. You need to say more affirmations, more mantras what is it? Why do I have to do more, more, more, when I'm already in alignment? That's where the rub is. That's where we have to catch ourselves, because no one can live up to these expectations of spiritual perfection. Okay, that should ring another bell in you. 

14:00
There are lots of dogmatic principles that expect you to protect yourself against enemies, whatever demons, whatever you want to call it. You can't live up to these expectations because the more you try to protect yourself against darkness, the more time you have to spend protecting yourself against darkness. Darkness is going to come, let me just tell you. Darkness is going to come because the contrast is the gift. The contrast is the gift because if we can't learn it on our own by reprogramming, then we have to learn it through experience. If you can't just read a book and then, through osmosis, change your entire DNA structure and the programming that you were born into from parents that didn't know what they were doing, then you're going to have to learn it through experience so that you can say no, no, I don't want that. 

14:52
And we get victimized. And if judging the negative things as a punishment, it's not conscious enough, it's false. We've made the word victim into like a shameful word, right, like, oh my gosh, you just, she's always the victim. Don't act like such a victim. What if I had to be victimized? Because it was the closest vibration that matched the opposite of what I truly desired, which is to feel empowered and to feel free, and that's my true desire. It's always been my true desire to feel powerful and valued and strong and free, but that seat of attraction keeps getting me in places where I end up victimized. So what do I do? Oh, you know, don't, don't be weak. You better boss up. You better lady boss up. Oh, come on now, that's shame. I mean, if it's fun, that's cool. I like that. Like that, let's go, let's lady boss it. I love that. But it has to be empowering. It can't come from a place of failure. All right, let's start. 

15:52
Sam, could you start inviting some people up that are in the speakers lounge there and let's get some people up to the stage, because I have some questions for you all. My question is and we're just going to go in chronological order here and we'll also allow feedback, okay. So here's my question what is it that you desire most that is causing you to be stuck in the contrast of it? Think about the word. What is the word? The feeling, the emotion that you desire most, that you are getting the exact mirror opposite of? Okay, and I just paired with you with mine. Maybe you want to use mine, that's fine, hi, bridget, hi, hi, welcome, good to see you. Yeah, you too. Are you feeling this topic today? 

16:46 - Guest (Guest)
Yes, I'm like not sure what word I would pick. 

16:52 - Temple (Host)
Well, let's just feel it out. Okay, what do you desire when you're by yourself listening to your music, kind of, you know, hanging out fantasizing about your life? What is the feeling that comes up? 

17:07 - Guest (Guest)
Well, I just you know for myself. I want to feel like fulfilled, but also receive that back from other people. 

17:16 - Temple (Host)
Okay, so you want to be satisfied by what other people are doing? 

17:21 - Guest (Guest)
No, it's more like this is hard to describe Like I feel like I put a lot of energy and care out there and then like sometimes and I don't do it to get it reciprocated, but like in my own marriage it's like sometimes I would just like a little of that brought back to me. So maybe I feel like a little lonely is probably how I actually feel. 

17:47 - Temple (Host)
Okay, so there's abandonment there. Oh, so you want to feel valued. Yeah, you want to feel valued that somebody would see you and see how special you are and easily nurture you yeah, you've got. 

18:04 - Guest (Guest)
You said it much more succinctly than I did. 

18:07 - Temple (Host)
Well, thank you i'm'm a writer, by the way. Did you know I wrote a book, yeah. 

18:12 - Guest (Guest)
I'm a writer too. What does that say about? 

18:14 - Temple (Host)
me it means you're on the spot is what it means. Okay. So if what your ultimate desire is to feel valued, but something has happened along the way that has created a seed, a point of attraction, that says I'm not really valued enough times, where it left a mark and now you're able to attract a very deep, meaningful relationship and experience that doesn't value you. Look how strong you are, Bridget. 

18:48 - Guest (Guest)
You see how powerful you are, so you get to have it. 

18:54 - Temple (Host)
Here's where the trick is. We have to stop shaming and blaming ourselves for the bullshit. Okay, what we need to do is get allergic to it. That's a queen herbie song, by the way that I'm listening to. I'll play it for you to the bullshit. We have to get allergic to the bullshit so that we go, oh, what's happening? I don't like it. I don't like it. Why am I feeling it? Let's dig in. Let's dig in Radical acceptance, radical acceptance. 

19:23
I'm in a situation that I cannot escape this feeling. I am lonely, I'm not valued, and it's because of some other things, and it's because of A, b and C. Let's start peeling that off and releasing it and saying, oh yeah, okay, thanks, thanks. Law of attraction, thanks for the contrast. Fuck me, I get it. Okay, right. And then you can start redirecting and putting your focus on value, anything that looks like value. Well, like when you pamper yourself you feel valued. You go get your hair done you feel valued. You spend time with your girlfriends and they laugh you feel valued. Right. You start shifting your attention to the value so that that becomes a stronger point of attraction. You see the game here. Yep, I'm following you. Okay, so this is a fun game, all right. So, bridget, I'm going to put you on pause for a minute. Go ahead and mute yourself. Thanks for playing. Dwayne buddy, you are in line and Dwayne is a very special guest because he gets to be one of our. Well, I'll let him introduce himself. So, dwayne, go ahead. 

20:31 - Guest (Guest)
If you're able to unmute, you want to say hi and introduce yourself. Hello, I'm Dwayne and I'm from Canada. I am bipolar one with rapid cycle mixed episodes daily with generalized anxiety and ADHD. So, in all those lovely bag of tricks, Congratulations. Yes, it's been a fucking delight. It's been a fucking delight. 

20:50 - Temple (Host)
It's been a fucking delight. I like it. 

20:52 - Guest (Guest)
But no, you know, beginning it started when I was young. Probably five or six sexual abuse I got hit in the head when I was nine. Got hit in a few more other times. You know in the past but I've always had destructive relationships, always. 

21:09 - Temple (Host)
Oh, hold on, Hold on, because you just said it right there, that word destructive Always. Oh, hold on, hold on, cause you just said it right there, that word destructive, that's, that's a powerful word right there, because two things you just said, I already caught it. You said I've been hitting the head a lot and I attract destruction. 

21:24 - Guest (Guest)
Yes. 

21:25 - Temple (Host)
So that became your point of attraction, that the seed in your psyche that says something needs to knock some sense into me and I'm about to burn this down. I'm going to burn this shit up. 

21:39 - Guest (Guest)
Yep, and the problem with that is that I started cutting at age 11. 

21:44 - Temple (Host)
Yeah, so you destroy yourself even. 

21:47 - Guest (Guest)
Yes, so I took the self-hatred to a whole new level and a whole new level that it's probably not appropriate here. But in saying that it just comes down to the graphic part of it, that's all. But now for the rest of it. Now for me having that struggle, that law of attraction can change when things are positive, and in saying that is attracting other bipolars as how you, by chance, you and I somehow hooked up. 

22:16 - Temple (Host)
I know right, like what brings you to this room of spouses and partners. You know what, what makes you the resident bipolar, it's energy yeah, and all it's energy. 

22:25 - Guest (Guest)
Yeah, and it comes down to it. Like you know, I stopped believing in things last year, a few years back, blah, blah, blah. Now, by that, these wonderful people that I've met, that I'm on the same frequency on, is now that I have part of a studio and already composing music from poetry that people have written within our group. 

22:45 - Temple (Host)
So that's been a childhood dream of mine, for like, okay, wait, let me ask you the question what is the primary feeling that you desire for yourself? 

22:57 - Guest (Guest)
Joy of helping people. 

22:58 - Temple (Host)
Okay, what would joy of helping people make you feel? 

23:03 - Guest (Guest)
Happy and satisfied, if that makes sense. Maybe not happy and satisfied. Maybe that's the wrong way to put it. 

23:09 - Temple (Host)
Yeah, keep going, you're almost there. What does bringing joy to other people and helping uplift other people do for you, duane? 

23:19 - Guest (Guest)
Makes me want to jump over the moon. 

23:21 - Temple (Host)
Okay, so it enlivens you, right? It enlightens you. 

23:25 - Guest (Guest)
It ignites something in me. It ignites you Like lightning in a bottle yes, it inspires you, right. 

23:32 - Temple (Host)
I'm getting chills, I'm feeling the vibe, I feel the electricity. It lights you up in a positive way, right absolutely so it's kind of like oh duane, you're like this. It's kind of like the punch in the head that you've been getting, but through source energy. 

23:51 - Guest (Guest)
Yes. 

23:52 - Temple (Host)
It's a non-destructive knock in the head. 

23:56 - Guest (Guest)
Yes. 

23:57 - Temple (Host)
It's beautiful, right. It motivates you, it gets you going, gets you let's go right. Give me some of that. Look at me. Help somebody and then they do better. Nothing gets me more excited than when one of these girls give me a testimony that something I said inspired them. It is lightning in a bottle. It is the reason that I spend so much time advocating, because it's a joy. It lights me the F up. 

24:23 - Guest (Guest)
Right and you know what? For me, I actually it took me till I was 46 to know what I wanted to do in life and stop self-hating. But see, for me, the one thing that I would like to say is, ever since I was 10 years old, I was told I was a dumb kid. That played up until my whole life, up until a few months ago, when we started collectively coming together and just hanging out Like we've written music is. It's a whole experience that you have to be there and what it's for. 

24:54
It's for the like-minded people, because I can guarantee all the spouses that are bipolar, for all the women that are in the group here there you could, that that man could be in the room with a thousand people and they are still alone. They will always feel alone and the place where you can come is they have to find a place where you can come and you can be comfortable and let your hair down, because you can't even really let your hair down in front of your spouse because you're afraid of what they're going to think, because your mind's going 300,000 miles an hour and chances are they may not have the language to tell you what they're feeling. And I've been with my wife almost 25 years and I've been at. You want to talk about a delight, yikes. 

25:45 - Temple (Host)
Duane, I really appreciate what you're saying there and it's really good for us to get insight Because you know we do as the spouses. We're coming from an aerial view of what our partners go through, but we don't actually get to get inside their minds. We can only use empathy and then, to be fair, there are things that happen that are too extreme, that go on for too long, and people have to decide if they can be in relationship, if it's healthy for two people to continue to be that way. You know what I mean. So you and your wife put in the work and you have the longevity and I really congratulate you for that and at the same time I have to make sure that everybody knows you have discernment if what you have attracted is somebody who refuses to manage their symptoms and to be proactive and radically accept that they have to deal with what's on their plate, which is their diagnosis, like we all have to. All right, duane, thank you for sharing so much. Is there anything else you wanted to say? 

26:54 - Guest (Guest)
No, that was perfect. That was thank you for having me. 

26:56 - Temple (Host)
Thank you all, thank you. Thank you for sharing. We have to figure out how to be uncomfortable in the contrast, because that's all of us here are really comfortable being uncomfortable. Right. So, 

27:11
danielle

27:12
, what is the greatest desire for your emotional psyche that you feel you might have not gotten? 

27:21 - Guest (Guest)
So, yeah, my childhood was I'm going to flip it on you guys, cause my childhood was like, absolutely normal. My parents are still together on both sides, everybody is has been nothing but supportive and give me all the confidence in the world. I'm the first of three children, so I'm kind of a nurturer by nature, just being the. You know, I had younger siblings and I always had to take care of them and I always filled that position. But I was always a winner, always doing sports, always like achieving all stars and like accolades throughout the way. Super smart through high school I was like honors, you know, straight A's, all this stuff. But I always felt like with I felt like my relationship goals in my life. It's like guys have always been attracted to me, so I've always been in control of the relationship, like I'm always the one breaking up with somebody else and I feel like I needed something more balanced. I mean, I was looking for somebody that like could truly love me, for me, because I'm kind of a wild spirit, I'm a little different. 

28:28 - Temple (Host)
I couldn't really put up on that a little different. 

28:36 - Guest (Guest)
I couldn't really put up on that, even my ex-husband. I would like put on like a funky hat or like a fun jacket or something and he'd be like you're gonna wear that, oh, no, no, of course, like if I picked it out and I'm gonna wear, I'm gonna wear. But I really have always just wanted somebody that could understand, that could understand me for me, and when I met my husband he got it, he encouraged it, he loves that and I really felt so accepted by him and I feel like that's what really like sealed the deal for me is that it was like a true understanding of self. He is literally my soulmate, if that even makes sense. But I just felt like so comfortable with him and even though he is a lot of work and it is not an easy relationship maybe I crave that, maybe my what makes me happy is going through challenges and achieving them and like coming out on top of it you know what I mean. 

29:36 - Temple (Host)
So I mean I hear what you're saying about. You want all the facets of you to be accepted. Yeah, weird parts in you, the funky parts of you, the crazy, sexy, cool parts of you. I mean, what better match than somebody with bipolar, who has all different kinds of fun personalities that you get to accept at the same time? 

29:58 - Guest (Guest)
Exactly so it's kind of a twisted mirror. Yeah, it is a full twisted mirror, exactly yeah. 

30:06 - Temple (Host)
But tell me this what do you get out of being that multifaceted character person? What does it do for you? 

30:15 - Guest (Guest)
I mean, I guess it just makes me feel like I know who I am, like I'm comfortable being who I am. 

30:23 - Temple (Host)
Okay, so you feel self-empowerment. 

30:25 - Guest (Guest)
Yeah, yeah, I feel self-empowerment and I feel, like you were saying, like a strong person, because I'm different and that's fun and I'm cool with it. And when I'm with my spouse he's like totally cool with it and in fact he like joins in on it, so it's pretty fun. 

30:43 - Temple (Host)
I love it. Oh my gosh, that's beautiful. That was a beautiful share. I really enjoy that because I have a lot of characters too, and I've had every hair color. You can think of every hair length style. It's like I wish I could do wigs, because I'd like to change my style so often. And I have my glasses different glasses. I have my old man, las Vegas glasses, depending on what mood, if I'm getting serious, it's really good for us to have those expressive characters and to compartmentalize things and like, well, okay, you know what? I'm not really strong in this area, but when I wear my hair this way and I put on my funky hat and my cool boots, all of a sudden you've shifted the energy and now you have that power that you wanted. You've shifted the energy and now you have that power that you wanted. Right, totally, yes. So I like that. Your husband is funky, cool too and really gets it. That's beautiful. Thank you for sharing. 

31:39
Danielle, stephanie, are you able to unmute? Hey, hey, go ahead, hey. So let me ask you the question. See if you're able to answer it. Yeah, what is the primary desire that you have had as a theme in your life that hasn't? 

32:00 - Guest (Guest)
been fulfilled. I was thinking about this and I think the thing I never want in my life is conflict. My parents divorced when I well separated when I was three. I don't have one memory of my parents in the same house, so I grew up with four parents. I had two different households, two different expectations, two different house rules. Every parent ticked differently so I was always hypervigilant and there not being any conflict and that's not necessarily people pleasing. I think I've done a really good job in in ripping that bandaid off recently, but just conflict is still something that I feel like I manifest a lot and I guess with having a spouse with bipolar disorder there is lots of conflict or can be lots of conflict? 

32:47 - Temple (Host)
I certainly can be, but you know what? The word I was hearing, though, is that what you desire tell me if this rings for you is clarity. You know, having a lot of different adults around with different inputs and agendas can kind of spin you out, and spin out your identity, right? Yeah, oh, oh, for sure, and it sounds to me like you are just looking for some straight arrows. Oh yeah, like I'm not, I don't get it. What do I go here? Do I go there? Do I do I feel this? I feel that, right, okay, so then there's that point. 

33:22 - Guest (Guest)
Or, yeah, creating those identities so that, like, if I feel this certain way, I'm going to react this way with this parent, but then, in a similar situation, I'm going to change my role because that was more successful last time in conflict with that person or whoever. 

33:37 - Temple (Host)
So if you're in an energy of confusion and discord, then that is your negative point of attraction. That makes sense. And so guess what you did? Like a beautiful, magical little princess, you created a prince that wants to keep you confused. Yeah. 

34:01 - Guest (Guest)
It's so funny. Yeah, it's true 100%. 

34:07 - Temple (Host)
A hundred percent. Oh man, I am like, oh for six right now, nailing it today, nailing, okay. So here's what we do. Here's the cool part, steph, is that once you realize your point of negative attraction, then you're onto yourself. Sure, it's a game that you get to play. So when you find yourself drawing in that confusion, you're going to have to stop, drop and roll. 

34:33 - Guest (Guest)
Yeah, Like. 

34:33 - Temple (Host)
Oh, okay, I'm going to go find clarity. Where do I get clarity? You get clarity in absolutes, like the sky is blue, yeah, and look at the sky, because it's true. Yeah, you know, my baby is adorable, yeah, oh yeah, that's. Look at my baby, you know. Yeah, so you can use a practice of finding absolutes to counteract that attraction of discord. Yeah, yeah, fascinating. 

35:04 - Guest (Guest)
I love it. Okay, you're done, we did you. Cheers, cheers. All right, we've got one more and then we're going. 

35:08 - Temple (Host)
We did you Cheers, cheers. All right, we've got one more, and then we're going to wrap it up. Lauren, are you available to unmute? Yes, hello, hi, lauren, I'm so glad you're here Me too. 

35:22 - Guest (Guest)
It's been a couple weeks. I love you. I missed, I very much missed you guys. 

35:30 - Temple (Host)
Okay, well, let me ask you the question then Do you have a word of a desire that you have had unfulfilled? 

35:38 - Guest (Guest)
Normalcy. 

35:39 - Temple (Host)
Normalcy. How would you define normalcy? 

35:42 - Guest (Guest)
When I think of normalcy, I think of the movies, or Right? 

35:47 - Temple (Host)
Okay, like a Hallmark movie. 

35:49 - Guest (Guest)
Not quite a Hallmark movie Not quite, but like steadiness. 

35:54 - Temple (Host)
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. That's the word I was waiting for. Oh, girl, girl, I'm telling you, I wish that you could see my hand, because I just wrote down unpredictable. Your life is unpredictable. 

36:10 - Guest (Guest)
Yes. 

36:11 - Temple (Host)
Your point of attraction, the negative point of attraction, are conditions and situations and relationships that are unpredictable, and that makes you very vulnerable and unsafe, doesn't it? 

36:23 - Guest (Guest)
Yep, sure does. 

36:25 - Temple (Host)
Well, congratulations, you're a winner. Congratulations, you're a winner. You figured out how to create a contrast so that you can unprogram this unpredictability out of your life. It doesn't mean that the people are going to go away. Let me clarify that Just because we get onto ourselves and realize that whatever we've attracted in is a negative trigger and then we clean it up, doesn't mean that person's gonna disappear, okay. It usually means that they are not so bothered by us to keep triggering us, and vice versa. It may mean that you need to take a full reboot. Sometimes you might need to, like Dwayne, just burn some shit down and and walk away with the flames behind you. But it's not necessary, because as you change and evolve your vibe, the people around you will begin to go back into their own bodies instead of trying to you know, trying to sync up with you, like, instead of trying to fulfill your law of attraction by providing you with discomfort. Does that make any sense, lauren? 

37:29 - Guest (Guest)
Yep, okay, it does, and I think it's already in the works on my end. 

37:34 - Temple (Host)
Yeah, you want to give us a little update. 

37:37 - Guest (Guest)
So my husband was in respite because he was going through, I don't know, maybe a mixed episode, maybe a dysphoric manic episode, and he ended up needing to leave the house. So he's back and so I'm still kind of transitioning back to work and everything is right. Now is about okay, this is, this is what happened. What are we going to do? And making all our plans for when this happens again? And I'm just trying to get back into my groove. I'm doing a master's, I'm going back to work, all those routines that I like, routines that I like that I am putting first. 

38:11 - Temple (Host)
Yes, girl, yes, I love it. I'm hearing you. I'm hearing you taking your power and your energy back into your body. Good for you. 

38:27 - Guest (Guest)
Good for you, lauren. Thank you, I'm trying. I mean, if you throw a 16 year old in the mix, it's a little more difficult, but that's the next one I love teenagers because if you need contrast, they're so happy to give it to you. 

38:37 - Temple (Host)
It's like built in you don't even have to ask for it you don't well, how do you feel, though, being able to hear the word unpredictable? 

38:48
right, and then you can use that to pivot yourself. When things are looking pretty hairy, things are going sideways, you can then pivot your attention onto things that are more predictable. Find those people that are constants in your life, that you know how they're going to react, that you can totally predict it Places, things that are always the same. You need consistency, right? That's what we were talking about Consistency, so you can now catch yourself when you're going down the rabbit hole with your spouse and going I don't know what the fuck is going on. I can't get it. Can't figure this out. I don't know why this is happening. Get it, can't figure this out. I don't know why this is happening. 

39:34 - Guest (Guest)
Okay, you need to pivot yourself to things that are predictable. Do you have some of those things in mind that you can think of? Yeah, the first thing that comes to mind is my sister, like she was my rock through December. 

39:46 - Temple (Host)
I'm just going to ask that God really blesses your sister so that she can be that predictable person in your life that creates a line of safety when you need it. Thank you, and I also ask that God gives you more, lots, lots more people that are even keeled enough that you feel safe, but also still interesting. 

40:08 - Guest (Guest)
I was talking to my therapist and it was a fairly good week. I was talking to my therapist and it was a fairly good week and I was telling him how I felt, like I didn't know what to do with myself, because things were calm and it felt weird. 

40:20 - Temple (Host)
Yeah, that's because your point of attraction is unstable, so to feel stable is going to feel weird and you're going to have to dip your toe in and keep dipping your toe in until it feels comfortable enough that it's not just boring but it's actually desired to have stability. Right, because we can have fun. We can have excitement in lots of other ways besides chaos. That took me a long time to figure that out, but you can. 

40:46 - Guest (Guest)
Yes, Working on it. 

40:48 - Temple (Host)
Working on it. Okay, all right, lauren, thank you for playing. That was perfect. Thank you, you're welcome. So this is a hot topic, right, but I'm going to give you a couple minutes to tell me what has been your greatest desire that has been unfulfilled in your past. Were you able to identify it? 

41:08 - Guest (Guest)
Me yeah. 

41:09 - Temple (Host)
Yeah. 

41:10 - Guest (Guest)
Just to feel important. I was the second child born to my family, and my brother and I are 10 years apart and I'm often forgotten. People don't in my family, don't tell me things that are going on. Or I didn't find out my aunt was having a baby until like a week before she delivered, or I didn't find out my aunt was having a baby until like a week before she delivered. And so, yeah, I feel important or needed, I guess. 

41:37 - Temple (Host)
maybe those two things I mean, I nailed it right out of the gate Needed isn't a desire for the soul. Okay, yeah, fulfillment is the desire for the soul. Being needed will fill you up, will fulfill something else. But saying I want to feel important and valued and, in contrast, I feel forgotten, those are your power words, right there. Your key points of attraction is to be forgotten, right. So then your, your partner, has two polarities, at least that can flip back and forth on you at different times. And I don't know exactly about your husband, but mine can completely forget about a lot of things that we've been through, especially some of the harder times when I was in pain or he was hurting me, and then it because it was a episode or it was psychosis it goes back into the pocket of bipolar memory and it's gone and there's that feeling like, oh, you couldn't even remember what you did to me, I wasn't important enough to remember how bad you hurt me there. Does that ring a bell? 

42:47 - Guest (Guest)
It does, yeah, we. So I've done a lot of therapy and found out that that was kind of my my through EMDR and things like that Been able to tell my husband that, yeah, it can kind of, like you said, go back and forth, but I think, because of all of his struggles, that I do feel like I'm important because I help them. So that probably loops us together help them. 

43:14 - Temple (Host)
So that probably loops us together. Sure, and that's okay, but let's talk about what you can do to fulfill that, that desire to be important. What, what things do you do that make you feel important? 

43:21 - Guest (Guest)
So through the past few years, through my husband's recovery, I found out I love painting and I'm an artist and so I paint and create something and eat and I might show my family or I might post it online. But I like to see something tangible, like I created that and that makes me feel valued and important and like a physical thing I can see that I did. 

43:45 - Temple (Host)
I love it, I love it. So when you feel forgotten, you can paint something and there's physical proof that you exist. Yes, that's it. Yes, I love it. 

43:57 - Guest (Guest)
Yes. 

43:58 - Temple (Host)
Oh my gosh. Okay, I need you to paint me something, Annabelle. 

44:02 - Guest (Guest)
Will do. Okay, I might have drawn all your guys' faces once in my sketchbook while I was listening, but I won't send those to you, nice. 

44:12 - Temple (Host)
Nice, okay, well, that was beautiful and thank you for sharing, and good on you for doing your work, going to your counseling, doing your, finding different ways to heal and move forward. We all have to do that all the time. This one hour certainly isn't enough, so let me tell you this All right. So now we know that we have this point of negative attraction too, right Along with our positive points of attraction, and we're not going to let the law of attraction fuck around with us anymore. Right, we're going to learn to take control back. So here's a conversation that you could have either with your spouse in person or you can just say it in your own head. You know that you can talk to each other spirit to spirit. Right, we're so connected, especially with our spouses. They are highly intuitive. People with bipolar are always so hyper aware that you really can talk to them behind their back, spirit to spirit, and they will get it. So what if you said something like this your need for freedom I'm saying this to my bipolar partner your need for freedom that's my husband's number one thing is freedom. Your need for freedom triggered in me to remember something that I forgot. I forgot something that I have to have to be healthy. I have to take personal responsibility for my own emotional safety first, and I know that you have your own pain story, that you are not only living out but creating a hamster wheel of pain that you are also attracting on autopilot because you've forgotten how to ask for what you want in a loving, aligned way because of your pain. So I know that your subconscious, your source of attraction, is throwing a fit. Okay, we have a lot of bipolar spouses that are throwing fits right now, running away, acting crazy. Your source of attraction is throwing a fit because you do not want to feel trapped by someone else's needs when you are having trouble fulfilling your own needs. So I'm going to work on remembering that I have desires that can't be sustained by anybody or anything other than my higher self. So, honey, I release you from the bondage of being my pain mirror and I give you back your energy so that you can deal with your own pain in your own time. I'm going to close up the room with this final visualization, with this final prayer okay, universe, fine. 

46:39
Yes, I know that I attracted another person. That got triggered by my insecurities from previous abandonments and my desperate need for safety and value. I know that I felt happier and happier around this person and that I put my emotional safety in their hands, and I know that these feelings have energetically made me the person that I care about feel in bondage by me because of my intense emotions. But I also realize that no human person is ever going to be able to maintain my emotional safety for me 100% of the time, and yet I did it anyway. I expected people to be everything and they can't. So I accept that now and I hope this would be one person that could be strong enough to never make me feel insecure. But that's not real, and the more I resist my loved one's behavior in a way that is not in their ability to behave at this time, the more they will push back on me to be free. 

47:46
So today, right here, right now, I'm going to adjust, I'm going to pivot, I'm going to move forward. I'm going to find that feeling of what I actually desire and I'm going to adjust. I'm gonna pivot, I'm gonna move forward, I'm gonna find that feeling of what I actually desire and I'm gonna take baby steps towards it. And if I can't find it and what I see around me, I'm gonna make it up in my head and I'm gonna fill my head up with new information so that these old programs have to drop off and I could spend a lot less time hanging out with my loved ones on the hamster wheel of pain and more time creating my desires. And with that I say namaste to everybody. Thank you for being here, and so it is. Please have an incredible week, much love.