0117 - Is Your Bipolar Relationship Reciprical? - Bipolar Relationships

00:00 - Temple (Host)
That's a lot of times why people with bipolar end up in jail or the hospital. Welcome, welcome everybody. I'm married bipolar. Is your relationship reciprocal? And that's kind of a vague like how reciprocal are we talking here in Temple, you know like 50-50, 60-40, 80-20. What are we doing? 

00:22
This is not about people feeling bad okay, it's never about feeling bad in here. We just want you to have awareness of where you're at, because sometimes you're cruising along, things are really working and then they can turn left hard and you can be deep in the weeds and you didn't even know how it got there so fast. So if you're in either one of those, if you're in bipolar stable, if you're in bipolar weeds, this is the place to be, because you need to build strength while you can and you need to have other people put arm floaties on you when you're struggling, and we're those people. People put arm floaties on you when you're struggling, and we're those people. But we want to make sure that you feel safe here and that you don't feel like you're being judged. Okay, but we'd like to talk about hard topics, because we have to ask these questions to ourselves to be able to evolve in our relationships and sometimes those answers hurt and it's totally okay. It's totally okay, you know why? Because people in this room have a high tolerance for pain, so we're going to be all right. Okay, we are going to move right along here, because there's three people that are up on the stage with us, that have been on this road for quite a while, weekly coming in, that have been on this road for quite a while, weekly coming in, getting food, getting love, getting their energy, and all of them are in different positions with their relationships. So I just want everybody to see the different varieties that can happen. 

01:57
You might be bipolar, stable. You might be separated. Even if you are, it's still okay to be here, because you never know where you're headed or how it's going to turn out. Anyway, I'm not going to give it all away right now. Crystal, can you unmute for me for a second? Hi, I'm here. Hi, how's your? How's your garden growing? 

02:19 - Crystal (Guest)
my garden's freaking fantastic. It's like super abundant right now and beautiful, and I love it. It gives me some gratitude and some joy in my life right now. Oh, good. 

02:34 - Temple (Host)
I mean, is anybody on maximum capacity of what the world is handing us right now besides me? It's crazy, crazy stuff. It's tough, right, and we have to stay. I mean, I'm telling you you guys know I'm a old school like I wanna break systems. That's my whole thing is to change systems. So it's hard for me to come in to this room and stay in our lane. I wanna talk about everything else that's happening and how we make changes and all that stuff. 

03:09
But listen, the topic of this room. I'm married, bipolar, in case you haven't noticed. That's just the gateway to get to everything else that we do. Right, that's just the brand name that people go oh cool, let me get there. But what do we actually do in this room? What are we always doing here? We're doing self reflection, we're doing self healing, self awareness right, we just happen to wrap it up in a bipolar bow. I can't go off on a tangent, because all we have to do is stick to our topic and it's all going to be relevant. 

03:47
The topic is relationships, because that is everything, and living with somebody with active, unstable bipolar symptoms is a very good teacher on how will we live in relationship and how will we continue to live in relationship, whether we stay or go. When they are able to stabilize, do we then make the changes? Then you see what I'm saying, because it's not like chicken or the egg. It's not like oh, I was this person, and then I met someone with bipolar, and I became another person. No, you were still you, I was still me, and I attracted a relationship with somebody that was because of who I was. That's why I'm married bipolar. Bipolar didn't marry me. 

04:40
Now I have to constantly self-reflect and climb that ladder out of the reasons why I've chosen to be in front of somebody that can many times emotionally and mentally hurt me due to an illness. Why do I do that? You can call me and I'll tell you why, but you need to know why, and if you know why, then you can start to evolve out of it. And it doesn't mean you have to leave either. It doesn't mean you have to know why, and if you know why, then you can start to evolve out of it. And it doesn't mean you have to leave either. It doesn't mean you have to end anything. The things that we have to change are us, because people don't change unless we command a change, and either they start to come towards us because of our change or they get repelled because of our change, and that is the risk of change. Crystal. Back to you, babe. So the last update from Crystal was that you and your bipolar loved one were separated. Is that still current? That's still current. 

05:37 - Crystal (Guest)
We haven't really had a lot of contact and I just saw him for the first time a few days ago. He hasn't responded to my texts or anything like that, so I decided to go drop off clothes to where he's staying and he came outside and just looked like a total wreck and I just told him we got to start getting a plan together and he said that he was trying to get treatment and I it was really emotionalized but I like put up my guard, I didn't cry, I didn't get angry, I just was like really to the point about like I can help you make appointments or get the right paperwork going. Like I had promised before, I'll be there for him as an advocate. But I just think that there's so much pain, hurt and suffering that has happened that I just need to remove our bond, our trauma bond. That's kind of where I'm at and I really want him to get help. 

06:40
Still Like I still love him. You know he was supposed to be my forever. My girls are heartbroken in a sense just because he's missed their birthdays and graduation and doesn't respond to their messages. So it really it's that bad and mania. He's doing drugs. He's just not okay. 

07:03 - Temple (Host)
Okay, crystal, I know you're not in a you know a position to be fully vulnerable right now, but just being able to share without breaking out in tears tells me a lot. That you've been doing a lot of processing on your own and doing all the things that you have to do to keep yourself moving forward. But what I'm so mostly proud of you is what you said that I'm still his advocate. I'm still pulling for him to have recovery. That's the bottom line, right, that's what we want, no matter what. If they can't be with us, then we really pray that they can recover on their own. 

07:43 - Crystal (Guest)
Yeah 100% Like. I feel like I did pick up another state insurance packet for him yesterday. I told him I would go ahead and help fill it out for him and submit it, because even just the basics I know he can't do it. Not that I don't have faith in him, but I mean if he's in mania too, he's not gonna be able to get the basics done. Yeah, exactly, I mean he sent me a text that said I love you, and that's just when it really fucking broke my heart, like I just can't believe where we're at with everything and I haven't taken the time either to digest anything. 

08:21
It's like I still just have to keep a smile on my face, keep going, maintain my career and my kids and their house and everything. And it's like I wish I had a month off just to release right, to cry and to let all of it out and um, because there's so many of us that have to keep this front up of like we're're okay, we're okay even though we're not okay yeah, we're definitely high functioning folks it's like it's your divine right to have your highest good. 

08:53 - Temple (Host)
That's what I know for sure. When things aren't going the way you think it should go, it's because you're needing protection. 

09:02 - Crystal (Guest)
That's 100%. I think too, like with this group, having like people who are in a positive mindset about their relationship with their loved one that has bipolar. It's changed the way I think about it. I mean, there will be times where I hop on bipolar spouses on Facebook because that's like the negative group where I just want to vent and be like you know, yeah, let all my hurt and pain out. But then it's like, no, I need to go back to clubhouse and the temple and see the positives, because that's what I love, the positive part. Like I, I could look at the man that I love without, you know, being so angry and hurt. 

09:43 - Temple (Host)
Oh, gosh, I just love you, crystal. I mean, I really love you hard. 

09:51 - Brittany (Guest)
I know I received that. I love you too. 

09:54 - Crystal (Guest)
I love all you guys. 

09:57 - Temple (Host)
Oh gosh, If anybody wants to unmute and respond to Crystal, I'm going to give you the opportunity to do that before we go on to Brandon. So Brandon be ready. 

10:06 - Dani (Co-host)
Crystal, it's Dani. I just I'm crying inside for you because I could see myself in your same situation, like over and over and over. Like we have just very similar husbands and I just feel just so gratefully for you. Like it's just such a bitch when they just can check out and like not take any responsibility for like life or children or real stuff that's going on, and like we always have to stand up and be like, okay, well, I'm the mom, so of course I'm gonna going to be here, of course I'm going to cook the dinners, of course I'm going to make sure the kids are good. And meanwhile, what are you doing? You know what? Are you kidding me? I'm, I just I'm sending you so much good vibes. I think that you're an amazing human, a super strong woman, the best mommy. I just I'm cheering you on, girl, and I just want you to know that we're all here for you. So stay strong. You're doing a really good job and if you need anything, please let me know thank you, thank you, like I. 

11:22 - Crystal (Guest)
That's the hard part, it's like I can't. Even he hasn't asked. When I saw him, he didn't ask about the kids or anything and I was like, hey, you know, like I couldn't even bring it up just because he's not there. You know, yeah, I just gotta keep going, danny, you're doing a great job. 

11:41 - Dani (Co-host)
You're doing a great job. 

11:43 - Crystal (Guest)
Thank you. 

11:44 - Temple (Host)
You really, really are Seriously Like. We've watched you, we've been all up on you, crystal, so if anybody is walking the steps, it's you. So thank you everybody for sending Crystal love. We are going to say hi to our brother, brandon, that we have not seen in a while. What has been happening since the mania ran away. 

12:08 - Brandon (Guest)
She filed for divorce. Okay, she's moving forward with the divorce. Nothing's getting better. I've pretty much got to the point where I've just I gave up beating myself up over this. There's nothing I can do. So I just kind I gave up beating myself up over this. There's, there's nothing I can do, so I just kind of gave up. It hurts a lot and I hear, I heard, uh, you know, talk about, uh, how mom still has to be a mom. Um, well, she's being mom but I don't get a chance to be dad. Uh, because she has the kids, and that's just how it is right now and there's nothing I can do about it. I don't know, she just doesn't get how she's hurt me and I don't feel like it really matters to her that she has hurt me. She's tried to be nice recently, but it's hard to be nice back to a person that has done the things that she's done and continues to do them. 

13:00 - Temple (Host)
I understand. Brandon, thank you for your transparency. Listen, this is not a place where we solve everybody's problems, right. It's a place for you to feel safe. That's the whole point. 

13:13
And for you, I heard you when you said I'm just, I'm frozen, I'm, I'm in the, I'm in limbo, right, because my person isn't turning back into my person, she's staying sick, and everything you've tried, every desperate measure, every prayer, every action, every plea has not resulted in the result that you want. So why wouldn't you feel frozen? You know, I mean, there's not a person in this room that wouldn't feel that way, and many of us have already. What I just want to say is that I'm not going to try to sugarcoat your life, but what I can sugarcoat is who Brandon is, because it's not even fake sugar, it's like real sugar. Brandon is the sweetest guy and his heart is real and his love for his family and the desire for his partner, the desire to be close to his children, is so authentic, so real. If any of you've ever heard Brandon speak, I mean, he came in here in a room full of primarily women and, just like, opened up. How many men do you know that can do that? Okay, that tells us a lot about Brandon, so I just want to give you some love today, brandon. We don't. We don't need to know the answer. 

14:39
And this is a marathon, it's not a sprint. That's what my counselor has to tell me every month. It's a marathon, not a sprint. You're in this for the long haul. This relationship is not ever going to end because you have children between you. So we just want to be able to give you some support today and remember that you deserve to have a reciprocating relationship, meaning what that? What you're giving out is being taken in and appreciated, and then, in turn, it comes back to you with love and appreciation. That is what a reciprocal relationship is. Sometimes we're crappy at it and sometimes you might be doing a lot of the giving because the other person might be hurting, and sometimes you know I might be doing a lot of the taking because I'm the one hurting. 

15:32
But for the most part, mature relationships should be reciprocal on some level that there is a give and take, that there is an ebb and flow and that you're safe to fall apart and know that your partner is going to fill in the gaps for you when you're hurting. And unfortunately, sometimes we get in the position that our partners are sick and it's not like having a cold that they're going to be done with two or three days. It could be two or three months, two or three years. So in the meantime you got to stand in the gap for you and you. 

16:08
Because you're still a human with needs, brandon, with desires to be connected, to be loved, to be appreciated, to be valued, and those things get really beat up during a separation. So does anybody want to say anything to Brandon? I brought Dwayne up specifically because I know that he has been in this situation as somebody living with bipolar, that he was the one on the outs hurting his spouse. I'm going to give Bridget and Danny a chance to say something to Brandon before we move on. Hey, brandon it's Danny. 

16:42 - Dani (Co-host)
I just want to encourage you to keep being strong and just. You are such a good role model for your kids, even if your kids aren't with you, and I know they know your heart, they know your intentions and it's just really tough when you're on the other end of the battle with your spouse and especially with kids involved. So I just want to kind of lift you up a little bit and let you know that you're doing a really good job. And this is tough, this is super tough, especially without having all the answers that you feel like you need and deserve. And you will get them in time because, like Temple said, like when you have kids with somebody, it's a forever commitment. 

17:27
Like I have a first husband and a 16 year old with them. So, and it's somebody who at one point I never wanted to talk to again and here I am having to communicate like an adult. So hang in there, it will get better. I'm super happy that you came in just to check in and I absolutely feel the ability to feel like you want to give up, because bipolar sometimes is exhausting. So I can understand where you're coming from and just know that you are not alone and we are always here for you, and you can dm us at any time. 

18:05 - Temple (Host)
So hang in there, brandon and you don't even have to come in and talk, brandon. Okay, you know that this is a lot of. This is about energy. Just being in the vicinity of people that love you is healing. You don't have to come up and tell your story. I just needed to really catch up, but you're always welcome to just come in, sit in the room and just get some love. Okay, and so I'm going to give Dwayne a chance to say something now, and then I'm going to have a question for you, brandon. Go ahead, dwayne. 

18:33 - Dwayne (Guest)
Yes, sorry, brandon, that you're having to go through all that, but you're certainly a trooper for continuing to look into the battle, so to speak. You know what I mean. You're here, and I wish I had some better news for you, but you are winning the game in the sense of you're here and you're helping right. So I'm here for you if you need anything, and I just wanted to give you my support. 

18:56 - Temple (Host)
Thank you, dwayne. I mean I just really appreciate the people that are living with bipolar and I mean you know who you are and it's tough. I bet you it's tough, right, rob, to hear these stories. And I mean Dwayne and I we talk offline and I'm like man, how do you sit through that, like what you know, we tell these stories and it hurts. And he said it's okay, it helps me to know what I put people through. It's like some kind of weird clarity for him and I, you know I don't fully get it, of course, because I'm not in his head, but we do need to talk about these things because there's not a lot of places that people can handle it. And the thing is Dwayne can actually handle it. That's what's cool about people that are bipolar stable is they can handle these stories because they've done it themselves. So if you know anybody that's bipolar stable, you go into the Bipolar Support Club, make some friends over there with people that are living with bipolar, that areolar stable. You go into the bipolar support club, make some friends over there with people that are living with bipolar, that are bipolar stable, and you know, talk to them. 

20:06
How did you get through your marriage while you were manic, and how did you and your spouse stay together? You know, how were you able to heal after you? Did those things that hurt them? Were you able to heal? Did those things that hurt them? Were you able to heal? It's okay, we can ask those questions. That's totally relative relevant. So, brandon, like they said, it doesn't feel like winning, but the fact that you are still going and you're still you're not I mean I'm not going to speak for you. I don't know if you're self-medicating or causing harm to yourself in other ways. I hope that you're not, but you're still in the game. Okay, and that's the most important part, is to not drop off. 

20:49 - Brandon (Guest)
I'm not self-medicating as far as alcohol or drugs. I am kind of burying myself in my work just to kind of keep my head away from things. 

21:00 - Temple (Host)
Yeah, well, I'm glad that you're working and that hopefully that's working out for you, because that was the thing too right the hierarchy of needs, and we know what those are. You know, to have your basic needs taken care of when you're in crisis is a huge part. That's a lot of times why people with bipolar end up in jail or the hospital because they are manic or they have psychosis usually both and they aren't able to sustain their basic living needs. Getting the rent paid, getting the groceries bought, showing up for work, showing up to pick their kids up from school those things all start falling apart and it's really important to remember that that can happen to you too. I mean, we're all vulnerable. You know many of us have diagnoses too and take medications for stuff. 

21:50
If you can focus on just your essential living needs, really like simplify it. This is, you know, my Zen moment here. But really simplify your life. That's what I do when I'm in crisis, instead of trying to run around like what do I fix next? What can I do next? 

22:08
There's a point where distraction just becomes too intense and I have to sit still with myself and completely simplify what can I do today just to get through my day. Completely simplify, what can I do today just to get through my day? And that might be I'm just going to watch some of my favorite shows that make me laugh, or I really feel like I need to cry, but I don't want to be in front of people, so I'll get on Clubhouse or somewhere where they're going, you know, like a group, like there's an opportunity to hear somebody's pain story and I can cry about their story instead of mine. So think about the things that you can control, brandon, and remember that life is reciprocal and everything that you're putting out into the universe and your prayers and I know you're faithful and that you rely on your source, your higher source, to keep you going. Everything you're putting out there, it's all coming back to you. It's all coming back to you. I can promise you that. 

23:09
All right, I know that this is a little bit intense today, but that's okay. We really haven't been able to have a deep check-in in a while, have we, danny and Bridgie? It's like we've really been just doing a lot of mental work lately and I knew that there were some people that were really in the in the sore spots, really deep sore spots, and we needed to hear it, so that we can remember that this is about healing and we're not trying to cover it up, but we still want to keep moving forward, all right, well, okay, we have our next speaker on the panel here, which is Carissa. Carissa, let me know if you're able to speak now. Go ahead and unmute. Yes, I'm here, oh good. Oh, my gosh, I'm so glad you're here, carissa. Okay, you know what? The stories are just going to get more intense because Carissa has a doozy too. Go ahead, carissa, tell us what's happened in the last couple weeks. 

24:10 - Carissa (Guest)
Well, my fiance, tony's been just kind of on that upswing of that hypomanic phase phase and we actually had been over for his mom's 60th birthday party and it literally turned into a bloodbath between his brother, his stepfather, him running from the cops from alcohol-induced anemia, and he drove home the next day and left me and my daughter over there and I had gotten a ride home that afternoon from his mother and he proceeded to come outside and threaten her with a metal rod and, threatening to cheat on me, leave me wound up in jail, broken arm, black eye, five days in solitary confinement. He's now out of his stable. We've seen each other. He's a lot more balanced but he's in that in-between phase of a little manic but trying to get better, doesn't remember anything that happened, deep regret and guilt, and we're just in that phase where we're waiting for the meds to work. But it's been rough. 

25:15 - Temple (Host)
All right, you guys feel that right, that gut punch. I have had a meeting with Carissa and Tony a few months ago, I mean, I can't remember exactly how long it was, carissa, but we had an appointment and Tony, you know, got in the computer and he's just, oh my gosh, this beautiful being, beautiful man. All I could see was love for Carissa. And then he messaged me saying you know, we really want to move forward in our advocacy together and I want to support Carissa and her advocacy for people with bipolar Like it's. Things can get dangerous real fast and that's why we need to be prepared. 

25:59
This is a tough. Tough like this. This is. This can make me cry, chris, because I've been there, you know, 100%, was there and had to watch my husband go to jail in handcuffs. 

26:11
Not that he attacked me, but he was definitely a danger to himself in that moment and it was the only thing that saved him. Honestly, he had to, because nothing else would work. He wouldn't go into the ambulance, he wouldn't go to the doctor, he wouldn't. You know, mania was like fuck you, I'm not sick, it's, it's, I'm not going, I'm not going. And they have the right to say no, no matter how sick they are. No matter who shows up, you know, and says you need to go, they can say no and that is it. And the laws are messed up still because they, they don't say want to save people that are struggling with a mental illness like that. 

26:52
Until it's to this point, and I hate it and that's why we're talking about it, because there's too many things that the world has control over in our families right now and we have to do better. Us within the family system, we have to do better. We have to have safety plans in place. We have to know how to call the crisis helpline. We need to know how to talk to their psychiatrist. We need to have every tool in place when these things happen, to be able to climb out of it and to rally. 

27:25
You know, danny is one of those people that she had her safety plans in place and they were able to go through a major hit like this and recover because she had her safety plan in place, followed it to a T, set some new, newly needed boundaries and made some changes. Her husband got on board with it and now they're back on the right track. So look, carissa, we just really want to love on you right now, because I know how much you want to advocate for your, for Tony, for your loved one, and you're the one going through it, holding them up, and we know what that feels like going through it, holding them up, and we know what that feels like, right, dani? 

28:11 - Dani (Co-host)
Oh yeah, carissa, I am so, so, so, so, so sorry this is happening to you. My husband's a lot like that and I just isn't bipolar, just so strong and feisty, like they just take it to like the freaking craziest places, right, it's like I didn't even know that my husband was capable of saying these things, let alone less doing these things, because when he's like stable, he's just not like that, so it's so trippy, especially with alcohol, and like just the rage is unreal, like hey, I'm gonna, you know, threaten you with this rod. Oh, no problem, sounds great. Okay, come on side, children, you know like hello, oh god, sorry girl that's a lot. 

28:59
That is a lot girl. 

29:01 - Carissa (Guest)
It's a lot, but you know what you're doing the right things. 

29:06 - Dani (Co-host)
You guys are on the right path. You guys are on the right mend. You have to go through these things to learn each other and to learn what to do next time. Like it's what do they say? Like the biggest teacher is your mistakes. You know, you learn better by your mistakes and I think, honestly, our spouses have to go through this type of thing too, so that they can be stronger and know who they are more and trust us also. 

29:35
My husband was kind of ramping up. Today We've had a little issue happen with our business where we're basically getting kicked out of one spot and we need to find another spot, and it just kind of threw him for a loop and he, he is like god, I haven't felt like this in so long. I just feel so like edgy. I'm like yeah, honey, well, it's called your media with your um significant event that just happened. And he was like oh, is that what's happening? Yeah, so it's all good, it will come around. I will send you all the good vibes and I'll definitely be checking in on you, carissa, so hope everything is all good. 

30:18 - Temple (Host)
Yes, and if you all could again send love to Carissa this is what we need to do is where we get depleted. But when you have a group of like minded people that understand, that have compassion and empathy, then we can pour into you. It doesn't even have to be, you don't even have to be in the same room, because everything is energy. Right, everything is energy, words are energy, love is energy. And now that you know what Carissa has been going through and Brandon and Crystal, you know you have three stories that you can hold in your heart and when you have your moments of silence, when you know where you're giving gratitude for your life, include them. Include Carissa, include Brandon, include Crystal and just you know where you're giving gratitude for your life. Include them. Include Carissa, include Brandon, include Crystal and just you know, ask God to bless them in this situation. Whatever your source, whatever your God looks like, just send them love and make sure that there is a an in pouring of support coming to them, because you know our time comes, my times certainly come, and I have people that I have to say oh no, please can you hold me for a minute? Brittany, who's on the stage right now? She's always the one that goes double. It seems like you always have it sold together and I'm like Are you kidding me? This is so hard. It's still hard. 

31:41
I've just learned to work the system. I've learned to work the system and that's what gives me strength and that's what turns me into an advocate for my spouse, which is the same thing that I would have to do if my spouse was disabled in any other way. If he was in a wheelchair, if he was paralyzed from the neck up I mean neck down I would certainly have to have a completely different way of living, right, I would have to have nurses and I would have to know how to talk to the doctors and I would have to know how to get him in and out of the car and I would have to know how to feed him. It would be a whole different world. There are people with disabilities, there are people with struggles that are chronic, and we have to know how to live with those things in the most high function and safe way possible. So Carissa's partner really I know he wants recovery, I know he does. 

32:34
This was a hard hit for him. It can be a really ugly illness and you know our buddy Dwayne has been through it a lot too. It's just like, yeah, you know their heart, and yet this is what happened. So my prayer is that the court gives him exactly what he needs, which is insurance that pays for his recovery. And then Carissa, can, you know, have us and me and the doctors as her support team, to advocate on how she can walk him through it and support him and support herself. And that's how it goes. Okay, carissa, honey, we love you and we hope for better news next week. 

33:12 - Carissa (Guest)
Yes, it just depends on again how he's responding to the meds. But yeah, I just want to thank you all for the love and support. I'm going to go before I get choked up. 

33:23 - Temple (Host)
And it's okay, and it's okay to cry too. I mean, ain't no shame in our tears, can't cry here. Where can you cry? Okay, look, it's all right. Okay, well, brittany came up. Brittany, we are actually just closing up. We got about 10 minutes. I know that you have a lot going on and your story is lengthy, so do me a favor and try to give us a quick update. 

33:48 - Brittany (Guest)
Oh no, I wasn't trying to share my story. That's too much. Okay, unless you want to synopsis, but my question was just related to what was what Carissa had said. She had said that her husband had forgotten some of the stuff that he had done. I was wondering is that related directly to the alcohol or the mania, or is that both? Or could it be the mania that makes you forgetful when you're symptomatic? I'm just wondering, and anybody, anybody, anybody, I guess that has an answer to it. Yeah, go ahead. 

34:21 - Temple (Host)
Does anybody want to respond to that? I would say it's for sure both On my end. 

34:26 - Dani (Co-host)
My husband blacks out all the time, especially that's like one of his main mania, like symptoms, and it's very crazy. It's almost like when somebody is super wasted and like you're looking into their eyes but they're looking through you. It's like he's not there and he can't remember. And he does a bunch of really random stuff that I have to either video and show him so that he can actually believe it's happening, or I just, you know, he finds it out because he broke it or whatever. But yeah, he 100% blacks out in mania all the time, alcohol or not. 

35:02
I think like honestly, I think it has to do with the rage, because he gets like what they say is like over 100 heartbeats per minute, which is like when your brain like basically goes into like a fight and flight mode and you kind of are just reacting like naturally, without thinking and like no conscious decisions should be made at this time, and I think that's what trips him into like the blackout, if that makes sense. But I'm not a scientist over here. 

35:30 - Brittany (Guest)
Yeah, no, I just I'm'm wondering too, because there's been things that my husband has said that literally, if I'll bring it up, he just acts like he doesn't remember it and sometimes I'm wondering does he really not? Remember it or, you know, is this some sort of like manipulation? Or you know, it's just, I just was yeah, if that was what, if it was really true that he didn't remember, but yeah, Well, I can also speak to that. 

35:59 - Temple (Host)
You know we've talked about this quite a bit actually that our partners would go on these manic rants, right, and they would say things that you're like no, he can't, possibly, that's not my person, what, that's ridiculous. And then shortly afterwards they just like reset and come back into the kitchen like what's for dinner and we're going what? No, what do you mean? Get away from me. I can't believe. You just said those things. You know, and after several rounds of mania with my husband like that we had to work with the counselor, you know, with his counselor and his psychiatrist that he was going into an like an auto responder, that there's a survival mechanism that happens that you kind of leave your rational brain and you go into your survival brain. And there is especially for people that have been like in certain industries where they have to talk fast. You know, if they've been in sales or they've been in prison, they learn to talk fast without thinking there's an auto responder that they can just like recall and go boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, to like get you to go away. And then later I would say you know what you said. I mean, you said this and this about me and he was like what I did not even meet. I don't even believe that, what. I'm so sorry, so I don't. 

37:32
Sometimes it's. I don't want to say it's a blackout, but I do want to say that it's not conscious, because many people in mania would not do any of the things that they would do if they weren't manic. So we have to see that. Okay, but does that mean we then give permission to maintain abuse? That's the other question that you have to see that. Okay, but does that mean we then give permission to maintain abuse? That's the other question that you have to. We all have to ask ourselves what are you willing to live with? You know, back to the reciprocation part, like if you're giving unconditional love and support and sickness and health and what you're getting back is pain and suffering and very little reciprocal love and support and unconditional love. How long can you live with the scales tipped that way? Those are the tough decisions yeah, that's. 

38:23 - Brittany (Guest)
That's what I'm thinking about lately. 

38:26 - Temple (Host)
I know you are brett and we wish you nothing but love and health. And you know I just going to kind of close out with this message that I used to think a lot about the quality of my life as a percentage, because I ran businesses and it was always about the percent, you know, your percent of sales, your percent of loss, your percent of credit card signups and all this thing and everything was around percent and it kind of made things measurable and I put that into my own life and thinking about an 80-20 rule that I had, that I was okay if my life had 20% pain and chaos and things that were unexpected and things that I couldn't control. Like 20% was manageable to me and 80% was things that I was in control of, things that were supportive and loving to me, relationships that were working financially, working, career working, like all the elements of life were 80% in fair alignment and 20%. I know that I can manage in some kind of healthy way, you know. But it really feels like life has shifted a lot and most of the things that are happening currently, I feel like I don't have control and it's, and that percentage has shifted a lot down to 5050. Or maybe half the time. I feel like I have control of what's happening and half the time I don't. Time I feel like I have control of what's happening and half the time I don't. So I just want you all to take some inventory on. How are you feeling about the reciprocal nature of your life? What are the relationships that you have that are safe? Are they all unsafe? Is it a portion of them? Is it just one, and why is it that one? Is that one consuming you? Are you able to manage the rest of your life appropriately due to the percentage of chaos that's in your life? Do you need more reciprocation from other areas in your life? Do you need more people that love on you, that respect you, that get you, that build you up? Take some inventory, okay, because that's what this is for is for us to reflect on how do we keep moving the needle forward to increase our quality of our relationships and especially increase the quality of our life with our bipolar spouses, on how do we ride the wave with them when they're sick and not have to lose everything in the process. We're going to close it out. 

40:59
This was a deep show today. Thank you for showing up for it. We didn't even get to play my game today, which was a relationship game, but this was time. It's all God, it always goes the right way. What needs to happen is what happened, rob. I really appreciate you coming today. Buddy, you're welcome to come up to the stage at any time. We always would appreciate your feedback, but just being in the room, I hope that you got some support yourself. We love you. We love our bipolar loved ones and we're truly inspired to see someone like Rob that's doing the work to stay stable for himself and for his family. So much love to you. Thank you for coming. I love you all.