Hello and welcome to ask my sister, the advice podcast for the cosmic mix of corporate. I'm Ellen Hooper, an executive coach, and I'm joined by my sister Mads Williams, a human design coach. She's just having I'm back. Hello. a sneeze. Podcasting How's your week been? it's actually been a bit hard, but like not in a compared to the state of the world hard, you know, like, Oh, my bubble has been hard. That kind of way. What about your big? I can't remember. I'm just way overbooked at the moment.
I've got some travel. I'm traveling to Sydney today. like we had the primary school fate and, uh, everyone was very overstimulated. There was a lot So have you had a cosmic week or a corporate I think I'm having a real moment where I finally like cracked into my corporate.
Service era, it's, there's a lot in the, like, spiritual community about being of service and how do you serve and how do you contribute I know that as a concept, but I think for a long time when I was feeling so lost, it was more of a focus on, well, how do I feel found as opposed to what am I giving back to others and the 1, 3 of my personality profile and human design means like a lot of the way I move through the world is actually about self learning and self experimentation.
So it can be quite blinkered, but. There's this other thing in our designs where you can tap into what you're inherently motivated by and I am very motivated by impact. So I'm having this like, amazing experience. Where I've now done a series of deep dive programs where I've walked people through the material for like eight weeks at a time. And, you know, I now have a, return client list and like you and I have been doing this pod for 33 episodes.
So actually I've been getting feedback on how this tool has helped other people. My inherent motivator is like being so hit or acknowledged or fed, and so I'm kind of really seeing the win win of how, when we're in our alignment, how it's helping others. And so I just am a little addicted to being of service and it feels like it's just taken so long to click. So it's like quite a relief, but it's also so fucking rewarding and a little bit addictive.
And maybe you've been there for a long time, but I'm always a late bloomer anyway, particularly even in spiritual practices, guys. Okay, well, I'm proud of you. Thank you. I pretty much just gave myself a pat on the back for But it's more like, it's a relief, when you're like, Oh, I get it now. step's so tricky in itself, we can easily forget how far we've come. that's true.
and actually I had this like really interesting weekend where I. Logically, chose to override my gut on multiple occasions Now you're being a fights have we had since? Like the flow on effect is honestly like it's not fucking worth it. Like I am so hypersensitive to my misalignment now because I am normally so strict about it. And selfish about how I live.
A generator who doesn't want to be there is worse than an empty space because we're like a bad bunk in the air, like We're not only not bringing energy, like we're losing energy. it just really made me look around at what was my involvement in that? Like if I'm taking radical responsibility for the fact that like I've given away my power, even if it's from my own assumption. So yeah, I've had like a really nice. Kind of regroup with myself.
But I've had to like, totally clear my diary on the other side of it, because it was so disruptive. And Ellen and I genuinely just stared at each other for about 30 minutes, barely speaking, before we started recording. Because of the tension! So, this is really Probably the most important thing in my life, this podcast, and so how interesting to think that flow and effect, like, it had impacts on the weekend because there was editing. I wanted to get to that. Like, Ellen had to do.
And then, yeah, I brought my funky mood today and we can't always see the flow and effect. So we sometimes just waved away. Like, oh, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. But. Saying yes to something that's a no is delaying what is actually right. So do we really want to do that anymore? And when you give yourself that pep talk, you're like, oh, fuck this. The guts, inner wisdom's there for a reason. I'm going to listen to her.
So, you have told me, twice in three days that I have done things to upset you. I'm sorry. Do you by say the behavior is probably still things that like in a neutral state, I would say, like, well, maybe we should talk about it, but my level of frustration would absolutely be. Why that triggered me in a way it wouldn't normally, or why I responded poorly to you that then had a flow on effect. I think it's important because majority of the world are generators.
So majority of the world are responding like this, you know, coming home from a day you hated at work and then being a total dick to your partner or like snapping at your mom on the phone or. Even like being kind of mean to the man at the grocery store. Like when we're in that misalignment, it's like running in our veins and sometimes if it's your regular, you don't even notice it. So, taking a step back and going, Oh, all right, where can I clear out some nose?
Or some maybes is like usually the 1st step and that's what I started this week doing, clearing my calendar. So I could actually just get back in touch with what do I need? And where do I actually want to be? And, what do I want to be putting my energy towards? And especially like, as a generator. The sacred was very connected to kind of creativity. So that's my priority right now. And so I'm like letting it be a priority. What about you? Have you had a cosmic or corporate week?
uh, I've had a bit of a mixed week. I've been doing mostly coaching, which has been really, really lovely. And then I always find a little bit cosmic and the stars were in line for us because we were featured in mama Mia, Yeah. We which was excited this episode instead of so mean to each other. fucking hate you. you. We should sign off the episode with that. this is what it's like working with family. you suck.
Also in the last two weeks, three people have asked me if I know that I'm neurodivergent. So that's just like something I have been working through I get pet peeves with no research whatsoever, but people throw that around like it's going out of fucking whatever the saying is fashion. That doesn't make sense, does it? That's not the saying, going out of style. Yeah. I don't know. Going on fashion. That makes sense. but why would you throw it around then?
Anyway, yeah, but you fact check me with my sayings. It's not a fact check. Look. Yes. I think there's dangers in diagnosing each other. I actually found that kind of helpful. isn't it just called being human and having messy brains? well, it's like we're spectrum of sexuality as well. I don't know.
I think some of these conversations are really helpful for a lot of people like Emre Siano, who I don't know heaps about, but she talks about going through her diagnosis because podcast listeners was like, Hey! Have you ever thought about and then like that diagnosis being incredibly helpful for her. I have lots of friends who have gone through those diagnosis processes and just found it.
So. validated and affirming and I don't think it's that dissimilar to the conversation you have with people about knowing yourself well and living in alignment with it. I think for me, the way I've kind of engaged or had it come across my path is people using it like you would use your star sign. justifying behaviors without having any actual follow through if that is the case for you.
yes, and I think that we actually need to do a lot better in how we use medical terminology and I think a great example is how people misuse the term OCD Hmm. and one of my amazing clients is the author of a book called The Joy Thief, which talks about her experience with OCD and like, it's really not okay anymore for us to use that as a proxy for being like, Organized or like it needs to be clean. Like it's serious mental health condition that shows up in lots of different ways.
anything, I think people are using it more than less. And so here's some different words you can use, which is like pedantic. Anal's a fun one. surely anal with my past. Cause Cause of, Cause of, cause of, anal. uptightness. Yeah. So there you go. If if you've been using words like that to describe something that's true about yourself, just find some other ones. So that's been my week. Honestly, I couldn't tell you what you just said about your week, but that's okay.
we educated in other ways that we are not qualified to educate on. Do you have a question for your sister? Yes, I do. so I live with a manifesting generator. I was like, do you? I bet you're talking about your husband. I was like, you have a third so funny that that was your reaction because. Um, my kids are a generator like me and a projector and I spend a lot of time trying to make sense of the projector and I pay no attention to the manifested generator.
So I'm curious, like, what are the things that I should, as a generator that I should think about for a manifesting generator? Like, I think I've just been assuming we're kind of the same. no. And that manifesting generator is like, I don't know, generator on steroids, Yeah, kind of, but it's this thing, like, you want to focus in on something and like, you will hone it. Whereas MGs are like, jumping all over the place. Like, they need a lot of variety. They really need to stretch their energy.
Like, anytime too much future commitment. Feels like it's being imposed on them. That feels like a shackle and it's because they will quite literally have like moved through different phases by that point and their energy just wants to shift, right? So it's October and I have been trying to get my husband to plan for Christmas with me and he's just like, fuck off. totally. And also, cause I know your husband's chart. He is like me inconsistent day to day and you are very structured.
So not only does he not want to do that, cause he has no idea how he's going to wake up and feel by that point, he might be into something like entirely different than he is right now. It's like, he might be like, yeah, let's go paddle boarding. Whereas like today he might be obsessed with going to the zoo just realized I hold so much Christmas responsibility, which comes from two things, like firstly the patriarchy, but also I love Christmas. I'm ambient. All right. It'd be great today.
And over time we've kind of been splitting more and more like elf on the shelf. We take in turns and I don't buy any presents for my husband's family anymore. He does all by himself. but I realized something I still do is I like buy all of the presents for the kids. And then my son has his birthday, like really close to Christmas too. So just, that's why in October I like start purchasing because I get the more delivered by November.
And if they've changed their interest by then, my children, that's too bad. So the thing I've been trying to talk to him about for two weeks, I'm like, well, we should split the kids. I should buy for one kid and I should buy for another kid. I'm really triggered right now. Cause gift giving is my love language. So you've just spent like five minutes explaining that he's bad at gifting. So one kid is going to get some really shitty gifts.
I guess it's like, okay, my goal, I've obviously come up with a solution, but my goal is to just split the mental load more that we have these different planning styles. And so, yeah what advice do you have, just kind of maybe process wise, whatever comes to you for the generator versus manifesto and the consistent versus not.
Okay. Well, before I do that, I'm just going to give you my sister to sister advice, which is if you are genuinely going to hand over the reins, then you have to hand over the reins and it's just I am very good at that. Okay, perfect. So if anyone else needed to hear that. That's for you. Oh, that's absolutely right. Having this through experience, it is the worst scenario to be like half in. It's backseat driving, isn't it? well, it just creates so much stress for everyone.
So you, you do have to be prepared with the consequences of that person, like completely failing and stepping in at the last minute is the worst because you're starting again. So. I think we did end up at like the big local shopping center near us on the 24th of December because he needed to buy some stuff. And I was just like, this has nothing to do with me. Like I'm taking the kids to get donuts and I'm not at all engaged in this process.
that is exactly what my advice would be though, because he will be able to move much faster and therefore he might not need to actually act until the last minute the beginning, right? Like, Hey, I'm going to pass this on to you. It's important to me. Do you need anything from me? To remind you, or for you to remember, or like for us to make a commitment together, that feels good for both of us. So I don't have to continuously remind you, like, do you need me to put an alarm in my phone?
Cause I'm happy to like, send you one reminder text or, you know, like for couples who are like training themselves to share the mental load or share tasks or whatever, like we know I'm really bad at admin. So like when we started the podcast, you would always message me. Saying, have you got a question for tomorrow? And it didn't feel insulting. It was helpful.
So just like working out what are your communication styles or other specific things that you can put in place to like set you both up for achieving. Do you have a question for your sister? I do have a question. So who is the comedian that you're obsessed with? Oh, so many. But Taylor Tomlinson.
she popped up on my Instagram feed today explaining how she has so much admiration for Sabrina Carpenter, but, doesn't relate to any of her music because Sabrina Carpenter is pretty much talking about being small and hot. That's so funny because Taylor Tomlinson is also small and hot for sure. Hey, we all see ourselves in weird ways, but my point is a few months ago, you like quite proudly declared to me that you had never heard any of Sabrina Carpenter's music.
And I'm just curious if that is still the case after we were bombarded with her over the last couple of months. , I can like hear espresso. Oh, she can now. Okay. Did you do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do? it's never cut being suggested on my Spotify. that's impressive. that's not something to be proud of. She's anti culture guys. yeah. Um, well, I actually started a new Spotify account because my children had like taken over my previous one. And I was like in the top 1 listeners.
And when I used the DJ, I was just like, well, So it was your whole question for me, whether I've heard a Sabrina yeah, I do have another No, No, I think it's, I think that's great because there's actually something I wanted to tell you. Oh, okay. Go for it. So I've also never heard a Chapel Rowan song. And I want you to know that the first time I'm ever going to hear a Chapel Rowan song is at a choir that I've signed up for.
I just thought that was like the most quintessentially me thing in the world and I wanted to share it know how to process that considering you've interrupted our recording twice to do in depth Googling and knowing this, you're like defiantly not going to listen. It's very So my spot, my new Spotify doesn't know who I am because I didn't like put enough things I like and then because I had a new account, it was like a blank page and I couldn't remember any music that I like.
So it basically just plays me Taylor Swift. And songs from the noughties, which like, I'm not upset about. But I surely like how the music, I just can't remember Okay. Do we hear from our sponsor? Oh. Yeah, let's do it. Shall we hear from our listener? Yes. This question comes from a three, five cycle generator from Australia is currently in Mexico. Let's hear the question. How do I stop self sabotaging? I'm at a chapter of my life where I'm so happy and aligned.
The happiest and most aligned I've been. But I'm bringing in these old behaviors all the time that are taking away from it. It's frustrating. why can't I just surrender and be happy knowing full well, this is where I'm meant to be. What a great question. I feel like you should tee us up. I'm intrigued on the corporate approach to this. Cause like I could even go down the, like past lives train here, Oh God. I can't work out why something's bothering me.
I'm like intergenerational trauma, obviously. That's what's so interesting because we, um, did get interviewed for Mamma Mia about why everyone's so weird right now. And it was interesting to just chat to the reporter there, Alex Nicholson. about how so much that was really woo, like past lives, for example more and more kind of science is coming to similar conclusions. So science isn't like past lives, but science tracks that cells in animals over generations.
carry trauma of things that they're like, I think they're rabbits, but maybe they're mice. have that like experience in themselves or haven't seen. So maybe past life, maybe intergenerational trauma. Did you not know that was science? Oh, like you've said that to me before, but you've never given the example of animals it's just now I have like a visual where I'm no. that's what's happening to us.
And we talk a lot about this listener and I about like the states our mothers were in when they were carrying us. I wonder if you've ever done that reflecting with your kids, No, but I do try to tell them their birth stories the night before their birthday. because I just never thought about birth until I was like, I don't know. . But back to this list, which is why we, I just had this moment of like, what are, are we doing?
So I think there's something that happens when you kind of take big leaps or move towards your dream life where you're like. Oh, why are things still hard sometimes? and I just distinctly kind of remembered that maybe I'm one year into my business. Cause I think when I first started my business, I expected the setup to be tricky. And actually it's a conversation I've been having in kinesiology recently, which is, left my toxic bosses and. I work like 35 hours instead of 50 hours.
And you know, I've cut out all these structural things for stress, but I'm still addicted to stress. And so sabotages come up for us as like patterns. loops in the brain, things that we tend to do. So it just feels totally normal that they would still be coming up, even though you've made good choices to feel more kind of fulfilled and happy. And what's really great about that, it's like an experiment. Life's often like an experiment with too many variables.
And so when we like living in really like busy, frustrated, like grind lives, it's really hard to know what's the kind of lever to pull or what thing we should change. And so it's kind of great that you're like, I should be happy now I've made some choices to really make me happy. It actually means that like, you can isolate the self sabotages and the patterns. And actually, hopefully put them to bed for the last time and lots of our things just do come up over and over again.
And I think that's like normal and okay as well. what can often happen when we go from an extreme level of feeling out of our alignment or in a place we're like, pretty miserable with and like, get catapulted pretty instantaneously into something that feels great, right? Like this person's traveling and new experiences, new people that we go.
Oh, I should be able to hold like all the magic that's here, but actually it's like any type of training and our brain is kind of just wired to do what it used to do. So if you were kind of a bit miserable before and you were constantly like, I'll be happy when I'll be happy, when like the brain is still repeating that loop. And so actually just like catching it and go like, Oh, all right, where can I bring it back to this very moment? And happiness is so interesting, right?
It's kind of making me think of Oprah. I feel like she always says like. She doesn't strive for happiness or like happiness is a state. Like, that we dip in and out of it's not consistent and again, just coming back to the 1 step right in front of you, because that's what you can actually work with. and taking the pressure off.
Having to have this whole experience be something that's really like where you're really elated and that you're really high and I remember when I got back from Bali and mom said You've been living really high and sometimes you just have to come back down to earth a bit. And I think that can also happen where, you know, as manifesting generators or generators, like, we get so buzzy and we literally feel like we could fly and it's like being on drugs. Like, it's that euphoria.
So then anything else can kind of feel like a come down or a shock to the system. But it's actually just realizing that, like, the neutral Is a new state we need to get familiar with and that self sabotaging stuff fascinating, right? Because it's that thing of like, Ooh, if I have everything I want. Like, am I worthy of it? Or is it going to go away? Or, the little gremlin voices from the past are still there.
So it's just learning to, actually kind of integrate them into this new reality and kind of go like, okay, well, if I'm, like, inherently going to be freaked out as a human being pushed up against my growth point, sometimes that's when I'm like, in extreme discomfort that I'm going to be. Pushed. And sometimes it's because my potential is fucking scary too. So it's like, Oh, I'm going to be dancing with this my whole life.
So I don't have to like get happiness or surrender right, right now, because we're actually just going to be going in and out of this, like for the rest of our lives. Yeah. Um, and I saw one of the gurus of Vedic meditation speak Oh yeah, you've had a Yeah, I did. I forgot that. I did. I saw Gurudev who has negotiated peace in like some really intense conflicts and someone from the audience asking this kind of question, which I'm going to paraphrase into, like, why do we need to suffer?
Like, why do we have suffering in the world? And he said have you seen any movies lately? and have you enjoyed any of them where there is no villain? And then he said something really useful, which was a hero qualities don't come unless there's something to use them for. and I think that also aligns with something you and I talk about and I think about, which is it's easier to feel peace and content, in the kind of coming in the country by yourself. I think the real work is.
engaging with day to day life and stretching those muscles and like remaining calm when you're recording a podcast and there's literal drilling happening all around you. It's a really getting alien. And it's very interesting. And because I'm going to Sydney, there's no other time to do this. So here we Sorry, guys. We a few people talk about like range of resonance.
You know, which is like, as you do more and more emotional, like nervous system regulating can you like increase the like range that you can cope well within knowing that there are things that no human beings are meant to like cope well with. Like even resilience is not about not having reactions. Like resilience is about being able to come back those. in an appropriate time, not just like immediately. So maybe it's something about shifting our expectations of ourselves.
And I think it's interesting this like bringing in old behaviors, like think about how long you might've had those behaviors for like, and we were talking about, generational trauma. Like these might be inherited from childhood, from family. So You know, we're kind of talking about a couple of months versus years and years of programming or ways of being. And so it's also being like quite kind to yourself. Cause I think even like being mean is a form of self sabotage, right?
Because actually like, if you are your biggest supporter, you're going to fly so much higher than if you're like cutting yourself off at the knees and a big part of. this thing I do now that I live alone is I start every day in the mirror, like saying good morning to myself and like giving myself so much love and that might come across as totally wacky, but it's such a gift to how I've started.
thinking about myself and feeling about myself and it's kind of similar to what I was saying about mom and I not creating the space for me to be capable. And so the self sabotage, like, even all of the wording here is so mean. So, where can we. Bring more kindness and I think at the moment, I'm really like have been exploring discomfort because life for me has been feeling so much more aligned, more aligned than it ever has as well. Like I'm in quite a similar state.
And so for example, at stay, I was really uncomfortable and I just, instead of wishing it away, like I used to, or judging it or numbing, I just go, Oh, that's so fascinating. Like, okay, so I'm uncomfortable today. What could I do to Like, what does this version of me need? What's the next thing? And I've also been borrowing. I've been drinking like beautiful quality cacao every morning and cacao is like a really heart opening drink.
And so it's become kind of like a meditation for me, but something that Elizabeth Gilbert started. I don't know what the actual like sub stack is called, but I start every morning writing. To love. And I say, again, this is from her. I've borrowed this from her, but love, what would you have me know? And it's just so beautiful.
Cause love writes back and of course that's like me writing, but it does genuinely feel like something is coming through me or often something I need to hear that I wouldn't have been able to access. So again, if you think about like training a dog or children or whatever, like the positive reinforcement is so much. More useful, so maybe integrating a little bit of love and whatever form that looks like. Okay, should we hear from the moon? Yeah. I'm really curious. Let's do it. Okay, here we go.
We have third quarter moon. Adjustments are required. Wise, wise moon. So for our listener, I have, your life may be out of balance and this may be causing your issues. It may be time to hatch a whole new plan and trust may be required to move this situation forward. Think of yourself as the vessel that has been filled more and more over the past few weeks. Some of what has come your way may have been wonderful, but there is also a lot of negativity and you need to let go of this.
Whatever situation you're asking about now, be honest about whether there are toxic emotions involved which you need to release into the ethers. This card also comes with the promise that all is not lost. However, there are changes or adjustments required before you will get to where you want to be. A change, of course, is forecast now that recent events have been understood and acted upon. There may also be a crisis now, which will remind you what you want and what it's time to let go of.
So pay attention. Oh my God. I can't wait to talk to this listener about this when she hears it. He, he, I'm so curious. dealers. Thank you for listening. You can head to ask my sister pod. com to get information about how to download your own human design chart by clicking on cosmic kids, or if you want your own personalized advice from us, you can click on, submit your questions and now you can submit your questions in written form or by voice mail. Very So cool. We love a voice note.
2024 of us. hopefully the next time I see Mads, I'll have heard a Chapel Rowan song and until then, love you lots. Sure. Bye. Okay. Love you too. Bye.