Hello and welcome to a very special episode of I'll Ask My Sister. I'm Ellen Hooper, an executive coach, and I'm joined by my sister, Mads Williams, a human design coach. And this is, are you going to drum roll? Thunderbolts. info feel really naked without you saying we're the advice podcast where the cosmic meets the corporate. Are we not today. I guess we are today. Shall I do it again? Just, I think it's important to clarify. We worked really hard to work out what that was. Don't leave it.
took so long. And I feel like I texted everyone I'd ever met to ask them that. I know we were like, between the spiritual and the sensible. you wanted it to be the longest instance in the world, which was like the cosmically confused or the corporally challenged. I just thought it was It is cute. It's just really hard to say over and over again, So this is a mailbag special. We're going to see how many questions we can answer. I know. I feel like we need to put in some, um, can applause.
you, if you have your hands free, everyone clap at home. some, Shall we answer some listener questions? Let's go. Let's do it. this is such a funny question, I love it so much. It's, something I could have written because it's so specific. What are three ways to learn how to love your own company or the company of others, depending on a person's predisposition? So I think this question is like, if you're an introvert, how can you start loving hanging out with people?
And if you're an extrovert, how can you start to love your own company? Do you have any thoughts? When I was learning to be alone more, I would definitely turn to I would investigate like what state I was in. So if I was like wanting company, I would listen to like podcasts where friends are laughing and chatting. Or if I was feeling like I wanted to learn, like that's when I might like. Dip into a course or whatever, but there were things like I don't know.
I'm just like having a visual of me coloring in, but I don't know how that's helpful for the listener. But I think it's that like meditative activities that pass the time where you can feel like you're really present and you're therefore like, you're not in FOMO, you're not even like super stimulated or numbing with just like.
Mindless shows, you're doing something that is actually allowing space for you to hear and thoughts or have ideas pop in or it kind of feels like getting to know yourself because you are genuinely hanging out with you. And I want to premise that, like, I like that the question said, like disposition, because. Like my personality profile and human design means that I, by nature, I'm pretty in my own process of learning. So it is probably easier for me to default to being very comfortable there.
But I think it's like quite naturally, like when we're feeling like I'm lonely or or I'm uncomfortable, we can catastrophize. And sometimes like that's necessary. Sometimes like you do want to like. Cry it out, but actually, if you go, Oh, that's interesting, I'm feeling lonely or a particular way. Is that just tonight? Is that just in this moment? Or is that indicative of a greater?
Feeling in my life, then that's great information for, moving forward and bringing in, like, more plans or most social activities or booking a class outside of your regular schedule or whatever. But if it's just this, like, oh, I'm just having FOMO and I need to learn to parent myself, what activities feel satisfying? I think the interesting thing about this question is like, is it really a problem? I'm a 20 extrovert, I love being around people. But it's not asking, like, how do you be alone?
Isn't it saying, like, how do you enjoy it? Yeah. How do you, learn to enjoy the thing that's opposite of what you kind of predisposed to do? There you go. Okay. Okay. it's landed. I get it now. Yeah, I guess it's an interesting thing of like, do you need to, I guess life's easier for us if we can feel some comfort in being around others and comfort being alone.
Even if we might prefer to be the other opposite, I really, truly think when you are honest with yourself, you know, the difference between a preference and a comfort that's become uncomfortable. So like, I'm taking a new flower remedy that's got to be on the drinking game, bingo card. I well, I've been pretty adamant that I wasn't up for dating for the past few months and taking this remedy has like really brought to the surface, like, Ooh, That's coming from a feeling of like shyness and.
feeling like, oh, I will have to be uncomfortable to push past this threshold, but now that I can see that I'm like, oh, but the reality of staying still is going to be much more uncomfortable for me because then I wouldn't be living up to the person. Like, I actually want to be. Becoming. So I think that's when Ellen asked, like, is it a problem?
It's like only if it's genuinely feels like that's something that you're craving and not from an external noise, but from like a deep within, like there's something over there that's caught my attention. I want to go and investigate, or I said that so much, sorry. But like, I want to go and like, try it out. think there's also some things about kind of habit forming. So I'm very extroverted, but after the lockdowns. Here in Melbourne.
I mean, I also had a newborn, so just not saying in many people, like not being in a group or a crowd for a really long time. I remember saying to my friend. Someone was having a party or something. Like it was a big group, you know, and you're like, I'm going to need to talk to a stranger. And I said to her like, Oh, I don't know what's wrong. Like, I feel really nervous about going to this thing. And she was like, Ellen, that's social anxiety.
And I was like, Oh, this is hard, it was just really, it was such a humbling and interesting experience. It's someone like me, who's never felt like that and actually really enjoys those kind of things. If you don't do them for long enough, the pathway that can enjoy the company of others and strangers gets like covered over. And so sometimes this stuff is just actually practice And just kind of like taking little steps at a time and being consistent.
Okay. So now that we've like properly hashed out what the question actually means, how about you take it from what's your best tip for spending time alone? And I'm going to give my best tip for when I feel like I need to be social. Yeah. Spending time alone. Do you do that outside of work? Yeah. mostly cause I'm like trapped in the house with our children from time to time. That's what I mean. Like, does that opportunity occur very Yeah, all the time. without them?
Oh no, my children are always there, they're just asleep. Yeah, exactly. But anyway, continue. Let's for this argument sake they're not around. Yeah, I think it's just finding the thing that you enjoy. I mean, mostly I watch TV. But I feel good about that. I think it's also like, what do I get from this I wouldn't get from being out right now. Yeah. That like enjoying what you have while you have it and not splitting your attention to grass is greener means you can like absorb Yeah.
But I do think things like podcasts and music, if you don't really like spending time alone, like I will have a tendency to fill everything up with noise That's really Yeah. And it's just interesting to go. what would it be like to just not do that all the time? I think that's why I mentioned the coloring in book. Cause that was truly, truly my training ground for turning off the noise.
And now I'll quite literally like my ears will start hurting or I'll feel the anxiety, like in my shoulders when I'm. Plugged into noise when I shouldn't be and actually in your human design, you can kind of break down whether you're someone that like can be really overstimulated by like other people's opinions or noises or things like that. So, I really recommend, like, tuning into that and not overriding it, even if you're like. Driving in the car. No music. What?
Like sometimes we need the silence cause there is a message like trying to come through honoring that So Mads, can you tell us your tip for, uh, being When you love being alone, how can you love being around people? Annoyingly, I want to be like HD about it and I'm like, trust your intuition, trust your authority to guide you to the right people and places. But I think if it's like anything, if you're so far in one way, it's baby steps.
And it's asking like, what do I Actually want out of this situation. What am I actually needing? So if I'm needing like comfort and like to sit on the couch and feel like I'm around my family, I'll call that friend. If I'm needing like exercise and like fresh air and nature, I'll call another. sometimes I can get really like up in the ether with all my spiritual friends. So sometimes I'll be like, I want my very practical earthy friends where we don't talk about anything.
Woo. Which is not really true. Cause I'll usually say something about flower remedies, but actually going like, what's the void I'm trying to feel right now. rather than just being like coming from this place of like, I'm doing life wrong. Cause I don't like people.
If you're like feeling like the people aren't even there in the first place, that's when I would really be looking at what do you like doing because going to a pottery class because someone told you it was a good idea, that's already like, Oh, my God, something new, something like anxiety stricken to add then like new people on top of it. So. you probably make the assumption that the people who are drawn to something you're into might have a common ground of some description.
So yeah, other activities or clubs that, I don't even know if I believe that. Do you know what? I actually take that back. I hate that. Because I don't do that because I don't like meeting new people, but I like went to Cornwall for eight days by myself. And I was so happy because it was exactly what I wanted to do. And I was chill being alone. And I spoke to so many people. I made new friends, like sometimes just following your bliss will actually. Inadvertently put you in places.
And then it's on you, I guess, to be open to like starting the conversation or being open to the chat. Yeah. And I think that goes back to when I said, like, is this not a problem? I just think with this stuff, I just wouldn't push too hard because you're wired to get energy from different things. And so only drain yourself for things that are really worth it. Okay. We're going to answer more questions.
This is from a 1 3 Sacral Manifesting Generator who says, I have fallen into a very stagnant place. What guidance can you give to re spark my confidence and relationships? I love that on the back of what we've just been talking about. Cause the one three, I'm like, what are you interested in? What rabbit holes do you want to go down? What new class are you desperate to try?
Like, honestly, what have, what's been like trying to get your attention that you're like giving all the answers for why it's not a good idea to do it now. I can just tell I'm like, never going to get a sentence into this. You're a 1 3 too, yeah? I'm a one three. And then the M G is all about shifting up your energy. So if you're feeling stagnant, it's like, What can you literally get rid of? What baggage can you drop? What commitment can you get out of?
Like, where can you create an opening for new things to come in and the things you're genuinely stoked to try? Okay, there you go. Your turn. What do you think about relationships? So what guidance can you give Therese Bark relationships? My experience with being a one three is that the more you tend to your garden, the more interested you are in your people, because they are actually, Magnetized to you for what you're into.
Like it's really self serving the one three, because it's like, I'm obsessed. I'll find out all about this. I'll trial it out and see what works and what doesn't. And then you guys get to see through my trial and error and my research, what's worth giving a go. And so the people who were like interested in you and magnetized you because of what you're doing will like kind of seek you out.
And then in turn, it's like you have this wealth of knowledge to offer up to them, but like people often say to me how do you find, I guess, being you with your old friends, or, you know, like, how are you, you? Like, cause I guess to them, it's like, you know, you're so cosmic. How does that work? And for me, I'm Who asked you that? I've to my cosmic friends ask in a way of like, how do I do it? And I'm Yeah. cause right now I just keep these little things to myself. yeah.
And I'm like, well, I wouldn't know what else to do. To offer up, like it just is so self involved to me, but like when you are Actually letting your interests guide you. That's probably the thing you'll be like, desperate to talk to people about as well. But then they'll also probably find it kind of interesting because you have spent hours sinking into some like weird and wonderful topic. So that might just like by being more you.
You will actually enjoy showing up in your relationships with new energy because you're feeling energized and that gets like passed back and forth. And the other thing is like, where are you saying yes, when you want to say no. So like, who do you actually want to cull from your life? Cause that like energetically, like. make space for the universe to send you some of the aligned people. I want to talk about rest now, which is so interesting for the manifesting generators.
sorry, I have an electric bike because as we've established, I'm really cool. And one time I like charged overnight because I was running out of battery, and I went to ride it the next morning and it wasn't charged at all. And that's because I hadn't actually plugged the charger into the socket. And I just think that's such a good metaphor for doing rest in the way that other people think you should. How you got there, I'm not entirely sure, but I'll run with it. maybe you can let me finish.
Is there more on that though, on the socket though? Yeah. Because I don't get a lot of energy from kind of like a spa day or lying around or, like having a nap, all the kinds of things that I think people say you should do when you're feeling burnt out or overwhelmed or lacking energy. That's me not actually being plugged into a socket. And so if you're feeling stagnant, I think you need to find your own ways to get energy and like, How you recharge is actually really personal.
And I think sometimes we're like, Oh, but like, I keep going to yoga or I keep doing the things that other people do to relax or re energize and it's not working. And I suspect for a manifesting generator, like I don't know that, spending, like, three hours in a sound bowl is necessarily going to be their thing.
even just that notion that again, coming back to any type of generator, like the more you are plugged in to the thing that's not correct for you, it's not only not giving you energy, it's draining it. So Ellen's right in terms of the reset, but even beyond that, if your life is sucking energy from you, that will be making you feel heavy and stagnant that's why I'm with em, geez, I'm always like, dial in the commitment dial in that too much. That's like future focused.
If you don't want to be there, Where can you draw back your time and energy? But there was another thing Ellen and I were speaking a lot about earlier today. And it's this notion of assumptions and assuming the relationships in your life are set on like, you know, a past version or just something like perhaps you. Have internalized the way it's going to be and so when there's stagnation, can you also look at the assumptions you've placed on the relationships do they need to shake up?
Is there something new and different you want to bring? Cause the MG is like really innovative. And like, you most likely have fun being playful there. especially if you don't want to like, let go of these people that you're getting a good gut response to when you feel positive about. Where can it be like, Ooh, I want to push the boundaries on like, what I want to ask them to do, what I want to talk to them about What we get up to all those kinds of things can breathe new life.
And it's actually making me think of Esther Perel talking about how in romantic relationships, you know, you can choose to be On the couch watching TV, really comfortable and that kind of leans more into friendship. And for some couples, that's going to be amazing.
And then there are the other couples that want to like explore life together, whether that's like exploring a new hobby, exploring the world, but whatever that exploration leads to, it leads to like a new understanding of self or like uncovering new layers. So. The same could be said here for any energy type is there like an exploration energy you can bring to your dynamic? All right. We hope that helped and we're going to answer our last question Ever. We are retiring. Ask your own sister.
All the only children are like, that's so mean. normally Mads reads the questions out and then she says to me, I don't know why you made me read the questions out. Cause I don't like reading out loud. But when I read the questions to you, you don't them. Yeah, so it actually works well. we were doing it I do often say I'm a very visual learner. When people try and spell their name to me, I'm like, honestly, don't bother. I'll never get it until I see it, ever.
that's so funny because it's especially hard to pronounce name. I'm like, I just, I need to know how this is spelled and then I'll be able to manage it. Okay. Last question for this episode. I'm in a new job and the team culture is a bit crap. Any quick tips I can do to improve it? first thing is like, everyone's got a different view about what good team culture looks like. Yeah. So the listener is saying it doesn't align with what I wanted from my work colleagues. I think they do.
But also it's like, maybe it's works for them. It's the other thing to just. Interesting. Okay. Interesting. Cause it's like the team culture, organizational culture or culture in general is so fascinating because it's like this thing that everyone contributes to, but no one controls. Even like the CEO can't just suddenly be like, I want the team culture to be like this. And I said that it should be like this.
And therefore it is even though a CEO is going to have much more influence on a So there's interesting ways to influencing culture and like, there's leading by example. There's like having open conversations. There's like taking initiative and starting things. But it's just really interesting to reflect on. You've come in halfway through the story. And there's a reason that the teen culture is what it is, and it would kind of be useful to get curious about what's driving it.
Because I think I would totally be the person who goes gung ho and like just goes, we should do these three things. And I just learned that you can like trip wire over history when you do that. Hmm. this one feels a little above my pay grade in the sense that whenever the work culture's being shit. I have resigned. bye! and then my other like bratty ness is like, yeah. And when there's like a place that's a bit shit, I just don't go. So I'm like, okay, hold on, hold on.
Well, Simon Sinek, actually, I saw a little clip on LinkedIn. Oh yeah. He did the diary of a CEO which I just consumed via Reels. I should really listen to the actual podcast because it does cover really amazing topics. But he was talking about, he's like, just a little worried for Gen Z that when things get hard that they leave and he was like, , toxic culture, like there's absolutely reason to still leave workplaces. But, if you don't stick through some discomfort, you won't grow.
So he's like, if you know, one month, two months, don't like my boss, that was a bit boring. It's like, there are some things that we Do learn and yeah, like boomers went way too far being like, Oh yeah, you've got to stay there for 20 years. I just think there is that interesting thing about, I don't know, like the first six months of having a baby's pretty shit.
I know I was about to say this example, which maybe is really inappropriate, but it just flashed across my head, like arranged marriages, like, you know, where they often, and this is purely from Hollywood. So please put a big asterisk here. of all the people we know, Exactly. This is a Hollywood tale of arranged marriages where it's the idea that, I didn't love them at first and I grew to love them. And Is it just settling in and adjusting to like, Oh, this is who you are. This is who I am.
I'm gonna start peeling back the layers and learning more about you. And then you can learn more about me and seeing if it like grows into a beautiful dynamic. Yeah, and I think the first thing about going into a teen culture is really holding fast on just being yourself. it's like, what do you want to get out of the teen culture changing? Often it will be like, well, cause I want to have more fun at work and because everyone here is really quiet, I feel like I can't be myself.
So before kind of like inflicting or encouraging change in the broader group, I'd do a bit of like, okay, well, what would it take for me just to show up and be myself? Cause often like, in a room full of people who work quietly on their work, like they're fine for you to be yourself and probably enjoy, you know, if you want to. Make jokes or have fun or have a chat.
Yeah. It's weirdly making me think of when I've dated shy, quiet men, And instead of just being like, Oh my God, I'm going to have to take the burden of like feeling all the silences or like actually going like they're really comfortable in that space. So I'm going to learn to be comfortable in that space. but like in that moment as well. I'm always talking about space, but that's where someone else has the opportunity. So how do I connect that to this?
the most common thing I find when I hear people talk about this kind of workplace culture clash usually it's coming about from like different ages and stages. So if I'm single without kids maybe I've moved from a different state. Like there's a whole range of kind of demographical life factors that mean I really want a workplace to like have Friday night drinks and go for lunch together. And like, that's really going to meet my needs.
And then maybe there's like a bunch of the team that are like racing for childcare and they don't want to go out on a. Friday night. they're just like, I'm here from nine to four 30 and like, go, go, go, go, go. So it's like finding a little bit of flex in that. Cause those are the people who used to go out for Friday night drinks. Like they're still the same fun people. Everyone's just kind of trying to meet. Different needs.
And then when we overlay particularly here in Australia, like, and particularly on the East coast of Australia, that like tension between do we work from home or in the office and what does that mean for workplace culture? There's just a lot of different needs that come in as well. I worked out why I started talking about that. It was like, cause I could make the assumption like, Oh, Oh no, they're wanting me to be quiet or they're needing me to match them.
But actually it's like that thing of like, often you can be attracted to the opposite because you are filling in the gaps for each other. So it's like full circle coming back to Ellen's like, yes, just because someone's tinkering away really quietly. They might fucking love your booming voice coming through the door or they might not, but you can also like take your cues and trial it out. and I, I also keep getting this thing of like, can you just start small?
Like, is there just one safety person? Because often it is that thing of like, Oh my God, I went out for coffee with one person and then we like returned and we were like raucously laughing. And then suddenly someone else is drawn in because A good vibe is contagious. So instead of like conquering everyone, like, are there just some people you feel really like gravitating towards? Yeah, it can just take one as well.
Like the Gallup Institute, which is kind of the world leader in research about employee engagement in their engagement survey. They asked the question, do you have a best friend at work? Because I think that's one of like a big indicator into whether or not you enjoy work. So that's the other thing is like taking the pressure off the whole team and just like, yeah, developing a few close relationships. Just put it on I person. That's really healthy.
guess it's just like, start with being yourself, build up to making some good, one on one relationships and then say how much you can nudge from a group perspective. Yeah. Love it. Don't recommend bowling, that kind of I mean, you can, but just be prepared. Just like, have a think about the risk reward trade off. Okay. That's our mailbag special. We hope it was helpful. Oh, should we hear from the moon? Do we do main cuts on mailbox? Yeah, let's do it. Alright, this card is for the listeners.
Your dream needs a practical plan. Full moon in Taurus. Write down ten things that you know are wonderful about you. Oh, that's nice to take into your stagnant relationships, your office culture, your time alone. or with others. Additional meanings for this card. Laziness could explain your current situation. If so, change that and own it. Chasing money doesn't work. You need to chase a dream. Oh, that's like, my mantra, isn't it? It would be fun if also the money came in.
Um, Jealousy or envy create negative energy and attract negativity. And last one, more exercises called for. Condolences. sometimes you need to weave a bit of magic and sometimes you need to be practical. And sometimes you need to find a combination of the two. This card suggests that this is where you are now. You need to use the laws of attraction to draw in what you want by imagining it, expecting it, welcoming it.
but you need to balance that with taking down to earth steps towards your goal. This isn't about wishing on the moon and hoping for the best. It's about making something like a list of bullet points about how to achieve your dreams. If you're asking about money, this card heralds a change of financial fortunes, depending on both your past actions and what you're expecting and therefore attracting. Can I just say for the MG feeling stagnant exercise is actually a brilliant way.
Like you have a lot of energy to burn and exercise you enjoy not like, Oh, I have to for like health reasons, like genuinely fun movement that you love. That is such a good way to shake up life. And it's. Easy, right? You're like, okay, I start here and then see the Florman effect. But you want to be like in your energizer bunny state, not in your like heavy and lethargic feelings. My kid is saving up to buy a Nintendo Switch and they are almost there and I can't wait to play Just Dance.
Oh, Alright, so I think Full Moon and Taurus should be our podcast mascot. Cause we're taking practical steps. Yeah, because it's like the both together. she can't, she can't process, just like, obvious. Listeners, I'm, this is clear, I'm being clear, right? Sometimes you need to weave a bit of magic and sometimes you need to be practical. And sometimes you need to find a combination of the two.
Okay. Yeah. It's like our one that literally says about the magic and the Monday, but this feels more, Corporate cosmic. Okay, I'll take it. Yep. Let's, go. bye, love you, bye. Let's actually go. All right. Love you. Bye