Hello and welcome to our last, my sister, the Advice podcast, where the cosmic meets the corporate. I'm Ellen Hooper, an executive coach, and I'm joined by my sister, Mads Williams, a human design coach. We are here, we have defeated the tech gods, and we are coming to you in your ears. Um, Yes, well done us. I'm going well. How are you doing? I'm on my sixth day of getting very, very limited sleep. So, I've been better. I know I feel like you're having a really rough time.
Like if you go back and listen to the last few weeks. You've been better yeah. Someone was like, I was like, Oh, where did October go? Like, joking with her. I don't know, friend, client, and I was like, actually, two weeks of October did just disappear for me. With my sad tooth situation What did I say? No mention of wisdom teeth today. Just kidding. You can talk about it as much as you want. I'm sure it's very relatable. it's an ongoing saga have you had a cosmic or a corporate week?
I've had a cosmic week and I've feel like I've really in the last 24 hours, maybe 48 allowed myself to dream again, That's has been so nice and I'm definitely a very forward focus person.
So it's not that it's just, yeah, I think sometimes you're really in the Not, it's not even the weeds, but you are in the short term, like building out a program or like focusing on how to bring in clients or how do you make it the best for clients or all these things, and you and I actually have an episode coming out with Tamara Dreesen that we recorded recently, and she pulled a tarot card for us.
And it just kind of, I don't know, it brought a little bit of magic Immediate orbit and had me thinking and even things like, I'm really trying to learn as I go and.
Not just throw that learning to the wayside, but putting it in place for the future, because so much of what I do as a one three is trial and error, but then sometimes what can happen because I live fairly like minute to minute or flowy is that when that time comes back around, I can go, what, what was I, what did I settled on and have to, find it in journals or do this or do that anyway.
So I've been really trying to set myself up for 2025 and, I just had this moment of how do I actually want that to go? Cause at the moment I accidentally do work six nights a week, which because I love my work is pretty, pretty damn good. And if you've been a listener for a while, you know, I'm definitely in my like hermit season, but.
I had this thought like, Oh, if I had a partner or, a lot of friends in the area that I live in, how much time would I actually want to be giving to work at night? And I guess I heard back like 2 nights. And so at the moment, you and I currently record at nights. I was like, Oh, that's actually only 1 night then for my human design work.
And so it just got me thinking and kind of rearranging things and it was such a nice intention for me personally, because one, I'm really big on protecting that it's not cringe for women in their 30s to declare that they are gay. Uh, Open to love. But again, if you've been with us on this podcast journey for a while, like I was just not there, I was so not ready for love or anything. And I don't feel desperate.
I feel like whatever, if it's like not coming my way for a very long time, that's also fine. But yes, just again, to pivot out of this really hyper focused entrepreneurs. Like landscape I've been living in feels like such a nice shift and. Like, I just want to say things for me might change, but um, What about you? Have you had a cosmic or corporate week? back in corporate land cause I have more deadlines than time is how I'm feeling. I'm feeling like, It's all starting to pile in on me.
And, as we talked around on the pod, I was so proud of myself for taking two weeks off, which I then ended up really needing from a rest perspective. And now. My angel child is keeping me up every night and it's so annoying because both the universe message and also the like sensible conclusion is, as it always has been, like, Oh, I've got to keep removing like the crap from my life, and it just feels so unfair because. I have taken so much out.
already, like I have gone from doing 60 hour weeks to like 30, 35 hour weeks. Why can't it be enough? But yeah, I'm so tired. I'm so tired and there's just not enough space for. Rest. And so that's my cosmic corporate week. what's the ideal like life though? Is 30 hours your ideal? And you're saying even that's asking too much of you apparently from the universe's nudges. so maybe it's not about hours. Maybe it's about just having things that feel a bit more flexible.
Or even um, energizing, I guess. So you therefore don't feel like you need as much rest, perhaps. I haven't quite figured it out, but that's. what's getting thrown at me. So yeah, that was my week. Okay, do you have a question for your sister? I do have a question for you. So based on my declaration of change, um, I am preparing to be without a rental agreement, I obviously have a home well, I'll have your home, I'll have mom and dad's home.
Um, I. I'm mainly really fucking excited because, look, I don't, I was trying to recall how many weeks ago I sat here and asked you, like, are we moving to the ocean? And the conclusion was kind of like, yes, but that felt too scary. So I don't know how many weeks later we are. It'd be worth me going and checking. So. I really am excited. I've done it before. The guts propelling me. It'll be chill. I'll probably cry, but I will also laugh and smile and swim and all the things.
and also my now internal voices, you can just course correct. You can just course correct, which is amazing. I feel like you've trained me really well on that. Great. But I'm just asking, I guess, for when I'm really in the wobble, it's late at night or I'm underslept. Like, it'd be quite nice to have this on the record so I can just press play and have you walk me through some words of wisdom or advice. And maybe it's for me, maybe it's for people navigating something similar. I don't know.
Whatever you feel like saying. you seen Chris Hemsworth give a pep talk? Is he mean? Or is he like so lovable, like a golden retriever? He's just like you are beautiful inside and out. You are an expert in your field and the contributions you make are amazing. And he's like, dogs love you. Everybody loves you. my God. I would actually pay to watch him and Mark Ruffalo go back and forth with compliments sandwiches. It would just be so nice. All right, let's put that on the vision board.
Let's get them on the pod. We must ask them to compliment Sandwich. Yeah. Maybe our first male guests. not? He's Australian. I'm sure he's available. Can you imagine? I wonder, he'd probably be cosmic, right? He's in Byron or He's got Byron vibes. Yeah. He's probably like,, all of the men in our lives who have been. gently guided into a cosmic way. I'm just trying to think if I have any of those. Any successfully, like, have successfully molded.
I think my husband is your greatest cosmic success. Yeah. Well, him and dad both sending the moon, but yeah, you're right. I'm really proud of that. So I think in times of major change, the best thing to remember is it's all about the next right step. So you've got lots of time ahead of you, and if it all goes really badly, you can always change tack. Yes. And I think just, we've talked about this so many times, but there are always more options.
And also, as you're saying that, this is what I was explaining. Like I know that it won't be awful. I have this one gate in my design all about having emotional crises. yeah. know that. That is, that makes, everything makes way more sense now. And it's mom's strongest gift. Whoa, that's why she loves trauma porn. Loves it so much. should describe that that's not a weird type of porn. That's just like, when we got moved into our, house, I had to pull, mum would like pull.
Every time a child was injured in a pool in Australia, she would call me just to let me know. It was really fun. So fun. I'm sorry. I'm shaking my head, which is not good for the podcast, but this is what we come to expect. Okay. Oh, too funny. Do you have a question for your sister? Yes, I'm very tired. I have things to do. What is your advice for me? Can any of it be binned? I think the things that are um, ripe for being bin ball are the ones that are things that are most fun.
To me, that would be a no. Those are non negotiables. Could they be rescheduled? no, Okay. cause like I'm gonna pub choir tonight. Uh, yes. So when we're really down and out, protecting those things is important, but I would still up until the moment you leave the house, check with the gut, whether you want to go or not, because sometimes when we are this fatigued, we genuinely, you know, it'll be the next week.
Other times the gut's going to take you there because you'll have more energy and it will be amazing and it will fill up your cup in all the right ways. So still just really getting like, very granular with those decisions. The other thing is reframing, you know how you always say you don't have to, you get to. Mm, So even just this conversation is like, Oh, yeah, I actually am really busy and it is really full, but there are 4 things I love doing I don't want to get rid of.
Sometimes I. pivots you from feeling like you're a victim of your own life and calendar. And then are there any ways that you could really like phone in another room or like little habits or tricks to get you to go to sleep as early as possible? Or is that not going to be an issue? Oh, I could take more responsibility for going to bed earlier and phone in another room is Something I have been working on for three years. it So maybe it's time. Maybe it's Maybe this.
Yeah, leave the phone in the kitchen. I love not having my phone in my room. cause also it just means that you have to really consciously go to seek it out and that's fine. Like I will often do that fairly quickly in the morning. But there are also certain things I like to do prior to that and that, is my mirror self-talk, All right. Should we hear from our sponsor? Yes, let's do it. Shall we hear from our listener? Let's do it.
This question comes from a three five generator from Melbourne, who describes herself as a sensitive new age consultant queen, which she has Abbreviated to a snack. That's so good because their questions are kind of a bit of a romantic, sexy question. So there we go. I know you're not supposed to have favourites, but this might be my favourite question we've ever had. And the question is. Can you ever go back to your prior friendship after you are romantically involved with a friend?
Cool. No. All right. And that's all ladies and gentlemen, do you know why I'm really excited about this? Cause I've actually lived it. So let's go. My one three is like, I will pull up a chair. I'll tell you all about it. You're like, I have done the research for you. And from my sample size of one, this is the definitive answer. Exactly. signed, sealed, delivered. It's locked in. It's guaranteed for Look, I think my no is based.
on the assumption that Oh, you're locking in the no. I'm lucky in the know. Wow. Okay. Well, what do you think about my of course not. Oh, you aren't friends. Oh, okay. We'll just talk about that off air. You aren't enemies. I think you can be friendly and I think you can be kind and I think you can respect each other. And I think what I find particularly amazing is that people who still show up as really respectful aligned parents, which is very, very, very, very, very, very rare.
I think that if you've had like a meaningful relationship, it's really. Really hard to reset as friends. And I think the reasons of this usually you've found it hard to communicate or understand each other in some way to have broken up normally. And I just think if you, if it was really hard to communicate well, when you were together, it's even harder to communicate well, when you're. apart. And I often say that there's one person who wants a friendship more than the other.
And I'd be like, why is the friendship important? And is it in service of both of you? Cause sometimes I think we really want the friendship so that we can, like, we're not a bad person or we didn't hurt that person. Or I think it can often be something that's for ourselves.
As you're talking, I'm starting to think we are talking about different men in my life, but I think what's interesting is you've gone into this notion that This is like a full on X. Whereas the question is just talking about being romantic with someone. So that, that like falls into lots of spectrums that's and casual different. Yeah, for sure. I think my no is about like, deep in meaningful relationships, which isn't necessarily about a matter of how long you've spent together.
people you've dated, people you've slept with can easily turn into friends and often do. But I think where there's like heartbreak, which looks like a lot of different things, I think it's really hard to be friends again. I'm going to repeat the question for you and our listeners. Can you ever go back to your prior friendship after you are romantically involved with a friend? Has that changed things for you?
this is interesting because you also like to tell us you can never go back anywhere, anytime. I'm really glad you said that I was going to focus on that with my point about evolution. Okay. I'm going to take it away because I have not gone back to where we were, but I have evolved a friendship past being romantically involved. I find that hard to say because we were very clear. That we weren't dating. I just think the stakes are different there. I don't know about that because. Like sex is sex.
Sex is so intimate. You're actually being so vulnerable, whether or not you want to acknowledge that or not. But that's my take on sex. And I have this one rule. You can't be friends until neither of you want to sleep with each other. cause then the balance is off someone getting hurt then? Or can you not like let your guard down fully all these things? And also it's like, you can continue the friendship, but you might just need a pause or a break or some space, but I don't like.
Losing people that are important to me. And as you, if you've listened for a while, I think it's quite clear. Like I don't casually sleep with many people. So if someone has been like close enough to me that I'm like, yeah, I want to do this, I don't like them going. So the evolution is really important to me, but what I will say from my friends. That I have been intimate with is you can turn it on and off.
Like if I want to be in full platonic mode, I am, if I'm a bit bored and feel like, let's flirt, like there was an attraction there to begin with. That we can still tap into. again, it just comes down to that. What type of relationship do you want to have? What boundaries do you want to put in place? Like, is the casual flirting fine? Is it problematic? Is it ruining your life? Like all these types of things.
But I am like the biggest cheerleader for this friend, like falling in love and having someone who worships him and he worships. And, in my experience of one, as Eleanor said, It's just a deeper level of intimacy and connection than you might have on a surface level. And sometimes I think with friends who, if you are the same kind of what's the word sexual orientation. Oh yeah, that's right. sometimes the not following it through is more question Marky.
When you're both single and you spend a lot of time together and if there is attraction, it's almost like sometimes getting it out of the way and going, Oh, this actually doesn't really work. How amazing now we can genuinely go back to, or continue on being like soul pals. I really like that rule about getting to the stage where neither of you want to sleep with each other.
Because I think if one of you is still in that, uh, will they, won't they, or maybe other friendship can either be disingenuous or can then feel to the other person like it's being disingenuous. Like it's being for the purpose of. Having sex again or starting a relationship again and that can feel, I think if you do that kind of too many times and maybe too many times will actually just be once it's a breach of trust, whether it's been conscious or subconscious.
I think I would add to your rule, and neither of you heartbroken or is one of you heartbroken, I don't have an example of it in my people I actually know, but I think there's a kind of narrative of relationships that actually go on for so long and that by the time they actually end, both those people or those peoples feel so comfortable that then they can step straight into friendship. But it's pretty rare to find two people who are ready to then revert. Back to friendship.
And so maybe it's a time thing as Yeah. I think that's such a good point. And it's really actually a reminder. And it's taken me back because When I think about this lived experience, it was definitely awkward moments and because we'd had such a beautiful connection. That meant we were hanging out in the 1st place. I think both parties were like, not prepared to let it go, which was awesome. But what it meant was, um.
The first time someone brought up that they were dating, it was like, Ooh, and, but then that actually became a relief because it was like, Oh cool. Well, if you're dating, I can tell you about the fact that I'm dating. And even though We can talk a big game about communication and like, you can, you want to leave with honesty, like, sometimes it gets really uncomfortable and prickly and awkward it doesn't necessarily feel like that was a fully fledged relationship.
Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't, but like Ellen said, if you broke up kind of, because maybe communication was a big part of it or not. I do think people are on a tightrope kind of vibe with it. And so it's, throwing out timelines and expectations if you can, if it's really important to you and you want to be the one advocating for it. It's like trusting that I'm going to set the intention to fight for it, but also be respectful of.
When I need to give and take and give the other person space or like, let them tell me their truth or when it's appropriate for me to tell them my truth with what is happening in your life or your thoughts around the situation or all the things that like let you slip back into friendship, I guess.
I think there's a lot in there for where both of you are at, and how much it kind of, it stings that the other person's dating again, or A lot of that is just about where we're at in ourself and our self confidence and our feeling about our life. And it's just so interesting, uh, because then if you're the one advocating for the friendship, I do think of that idea about what do I need to do to make the other person feel safe.
It's really fair and valid, but then just watching out for a friendship that then becomes so redacted. Do you know what I mean? Like, , if you can't share a lot of what's happening in your life, because. It's not safe for the other person. Like, is that kind of really serving both of you? And I think there's two sides to that. I will let you speak in one second. I think the two sides that is, even if I'm the person who knows that hearing about you dating is going to make me feel gross.
Also then finding out that you are dating, you didn't tell me also makes me feel gross. Like there's just a lot of space for. gross. feeling gross. I like that you say that though, because it's a really good self check in to go. am I just not prepared to let the dynamical relationship go yet? Because that's too confronting to the pain I'm will inevitably feel.
Mm, and is it a way to, cause if it's, yeah, if it's an escape from that pain, that's not really fair on the other person who's just trying to like, go through the pain and get to the other side. And I do think it really is.
Like any relationship, this one really, I know we've already said it, but both people have to really want it because otherwise you are, I guess, kind of staying like energetically tied to someone who is trying to distance Or preventing you both from actually moving on and creating space to welcome in. The right person, which right can be for right now, whatever's right for you in this moment. Or you can just be getting everything you want and they can be not getting what they want or need.
Yeah, I do definitely, like, I've always had this fantasy that like anyone I would sleep with that they would be a big part of my life. that's your collector play personality. You're like no, but I have collected you. Pokemon, like exactly. You must be here forever. But like, I get such a thrill with the little East London boys I run I'm like, hi, like it's, it means a lot to me because. Oh, life's too short, but yeah, not everyone wants to stay. I've learned the hard way.
right, we I hope that was somewhat helpful. These things are so nuanced. Write in, give us an update. We want to Yeah. Let's hear from the moon. Let's do it. Okay, we have a meditate and contemplate new moon in Pisces. We've never seen this moon card before. So attune to the moon. Use your feelings to guide your way. Logic won't work right now. Ooh. that's like everything that Ellen said was irrelevant. additional meanings for this card. Face your fears, they may be holding you back.
The situation is being healed. It's time to surrender to the divine and avoid being deceptive or willingly deceived. This card speaks of dreams and romance of soulmates and poetry. It suggests there's a new start coming your way that's connected to a matter that leaves you feeling somewhere between having your head in the clouds and being in a totally altered state. Can I interrupt? That is such a good point.
So I do this a lot when I'm attached to past lovers I think about everything I'm craving from them, everything they brought into my life and like what I might be fixated on. And I think if someone else replaced all of that, would I still? Feel attached to them. Would I still want them here? And often it's like, Oh no, they're just showing me what's missing and what I'm wanting. So that could be a nice question to run as well. And if it's like, no, no, no, that person is really so special.
I want to continue evolving our relationship. Then that can be a really great way to get a clear answer to. There could be confusion and disappointment if that's what you've had before and that's what you were expecting. However, if you're onto a good thing, then wish hard because the words of your soul and your heart could bring about the manifestation of your dreams. If all that sounds a little wet and watery, then that's Pisces for you.
This is the last sign of the Zodiac and the new meaning Pisces cards can suggest a last ditch chance to make your dreams come true. Oh, Also, I'm just so, such a teenage boy, I'm like, wet and watery, hey, get in there. I didn't even think about that because I'm such an old lady. Okay, well, shall we let you go and get on with your exhausting, busy life? let's do it. Okay. Love you. Love you too. Bye. No,