I Am All In…Again: Thinking as Fast as We Can (Season 2 E8 “The Ins and Outs of Inns”)

I am all in again.

Let's just you, h I am all in again with Scott Patterson and iHeartRadio Podcast.

Hey everybody, Scott Patterson, I Am all in Podcast one A Love Productions, iHeartRadio Media, iHeart Podcast Seasons two, Episode eight, The Ins and Outs of Inns Air date November twenty, two thousand and one eons ago, with my very very special guest, the renowned therapist Jennifer Banks. Recently just finished all seven seasons of the show. Jennifer did and to help us recap season two, episode eight. Jennifer, welcome to the show.

Thank you for having me synopsis.

We're gonna synopsize here, Jennifer sounds good. A lion Suki planned to open their own end, but their dream property may be unavailable. Meanwhile, the independentent owner Mea visits Stars Hollow and Emily asked Rory to pose for an oil painting for Richard's study from when he gets back from his trip to Akron, Ohio. This is directed by the great Michael Cattleman, written by Daniel Palladino, Also great, Jennifer. What are your initial thoughts on this episode?

I loved this episode. There are so many amazing themes. I see so many dynamics happening in their relationships and oh so many great parts, funny parts like even just that pose watching Rory with her hand up like a ballerina, and you know, Lauraized teenage attitude coming out when when she hears about it at the table. I just love that. There's so much that we can dig into there.

What storyline and impacted you the most emotionally and why I.

Have to say, actually, like the paradox of seeing Emily coming in, Mia coming in and here are two privileged women with the same opportunity, completely different conclusion. So the way that Mia says, you know, oh, I'll never forget seeing her with her baby at the door, and she comes in and she welcomes her, gives her a home, gives her all the wonderful things that you know, basically a child needs. Because Loria was still a child and Emily couldn't offer that, right.

It's heartbreaking. That was heartbreaking, it really was.

And watching Emily not not be able, she could not be vulnerable until she kind of comes back and says, do you have any picture from that time? Yeah, I'll send you a box. You know, she really knows she missed out.

Well, I will say this about Elizabeth Frands, that's probably the best guest star turn I've seen on that show. She is so likable, she's such a great actress, and what a beautifully written role for her. And yeah, the emotional impact of her coming of of of the fans getting to meet her and hearing this backstory. And we did get some backstory on Look. This is where we

It was. But you know what often drives conflicts fear, Like that's that's really a primary emotion that we all feel and the fear in Loralai when she finds out the independence In is going to be sold possibly. I mean that really is what drove that whole conflict her hearing that, you know that in was so much more than just an end to her, even the name independence In.

As I said, Elizabeth Franz played beautifully that role. We can tell Mia has a long history here, as she tells Michelle his English enunciation should be better by now, and she knew lucas a young boy. She calls him lucas. Mia tells Laura she wants to sell the In, which really upsets Laura. I mean, the you know, the really

Yeah.

And then you know Mia being so classy about it and saying, I've you know, I've had many opportunities and many offers to sell the in and this would be the perfect time. And she was actually celebrating and supportive and what a great friend and great mother figure for laurla I. And now we see, now we see in this extraordinary woman Mia. Why perhaps why Laurela I and Roy ar thriving because they got that support that they weren't getting in her real Yeah.

Yeah, but even that, I bet you so many listeners can see themselves in these characters. You know, whether they received this growing up or they didn't. How important it is to be able to thrive, to have that mother maternal figure really attuned and present and caring and genuine

And she knew it. And that was the I mean, talk about a dramatic moment for for Emily as she just you see her as you know, as strong opposing in this sort of false strength and this facade of strength and tradition and pride and just a class You're right, It just all crumbles, doesn't it.

It does?

Yeah, And she just played it so beautifully.

She really did. I was shocked. That was the first time she met Mia, like it took that long. Yeah, power, That says a lot about her right and her fears.

Right and the cur bridge for her to come to drive that distance thinking about it and not confronting her, but meeting her. I guess it was a little bit of a confrontation. Yes, instantly refused her lunch inventation. No, yes, I don't think so, you know, this kind of thing.

It was a classy conflict. So fear is another theme I really saw, right, like the why did Emily not go years before? I'm sure it crossed her mind, you know.

Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, But now here she is, right now, she here she is, So there's the opportunity. All right, let's switch to the Dragonfly and Suki and Laura I discover Friend is the owner of the Rachel property quote unquote, which is actually called the Dragonfly, and and they asked her to buy it. However, Friend isn't selling. It's the only thing she has in her family. She has no siblings,

What do you mean longer than Europe? Europe?

No, never, you know, the drama, the dramatic moment. What I think this show does so well, and what Dan Palladino did so well in this episode is really make us laugh and feel for these people and root for people to stay together when they were in such conflict. I mean, Luke was the town and you know and

Yeah, and then she says, how about a cupcake?

Right?

Oh, yeah, that solves everything. Let's just have a cupcake.

I mean, have you ever seen people so nice to one another in such a great place to live? I mean, just wow?

Yes.

Well, Suki and Laura I get into a tiff, right, They have a very emotional conversation regarding the next steps they to do with the end, and where Lurlai flies just sort of flat out tell Suki she can't be her sporadic self when it comes to business anymore, which which ultimately hurts Suki's feelings and it would. And then you have a heartfelt conversation with Luke and laurealizing lurla I apologizing to Suki for her behavior. All right, all right,

I actually think loura I was just kind of lashing out, and Suki almost like turned into this childlike being, you know, and she becomes so sarcastic, and Lurlai is just I mean like she's shooting blanks here, like what's going on? At first, I was like, what the heck is this fight about? Right, But it's really about her emotions that were happening under the surface, right.

Yeah, And we saw that. We saw that with the painting too, the Rory painting too in the study where she kind of popped at Emily. Yeah. Yeah, she's on edge for sure.

Yes. One thing is how she transforms into this incredible leader at the Independence Inn, and then when she's not there, she's just chaos, right, And that and that role of her with Suki, and that that conflict Suki was kind of the chaos in that moment. You know, she was really focused on the little things like the topping of the dessert and you know which if you focus too much, I like to say, if you focus on the pennies, you're going to miss the dollar. Well we don't have pennies where I'm from.

So but anyway, Yeah, yeah, she's a great boss, Laurla, And she she's a great boss. She's in her element and there are aspects of Emily that rubbed off on her right that make her a great boss and a great leader. But there is that heart and soul. There she became the mother that she never had, absolutely, which is a pattern that a lot of people are familiar with. So Suki and Laura, what does the conflict reveal about the challenges of of turning a friendship into a business partnership.

I personally would never do it. I've seen it, you know, totally fall apart. I would rather find someone to do have a business with if I couldn't do it by myself, then become friendly, because I mean, the dynamic changes, right being friends and you know, our differences and our strengths and challenges. They don't just go away when you go

Yeah, you got to get those first couple of good fights out of the way, and then you're then can last if you survive those because a lot of people don't get past the first one. No, it depends on how brutal is. But anyway, so you think she was right to confront Suki in the way that she did. Could she have handled it differently? Probably?

Obviously, I think she could have handled it a little different.

Yeah, because she kind of she ostracized her in public.

She sure did.

She didn't do it privately and gently. She just sort of like let her have it, you know.

She did, and Suki was pretty delicate, Yeah in that in that moment, right.

Yeah, all right, well, you know, such as life. Anyway, let's talk about the phony murder. Taylor is not pleased to find a chalk outline in front of the store, claiming, uh, it's clues to a dead body. After three people reported seeing Jess the night of the phony murder, Taylor hosts a town meaning but started the meeting early as there was a special issue with the business community needed to just us without Luke's present, So not fair, not fair.

Jess, also comes to his defense.

Yeah. Really nice to see.

But he's such a good man.

Did you think it was fair for the town to blame Luke? No, No, that's Taylor's influence. That's Taylor's nefarious influence over the town.

It's such a snob in this episode, like here, you know, here, here's this kid that wouldn't have had a home, and he's got everything against him, right, except his beloved uncle who is I mean, you know, even Jess is against Luke, and yet he still perseveres and is trying to do good for this this kid who keeps messing up in the town.

Right, Yeah, you think Luke at this point feels like he's failing both the town and just because it seems like everybody's so upset with him.

I think he's frustrated. Yes, maybe not failing, but he definitely is wavering on that line, not sure what's going to happen.

Right, Yeah, all right, let's get to the oil painting. This was very funny. During a Friday night dinner, Emily reveals she wants an oil painting of Rory. She even arranges for Rory to pose in a chair in an awkward position with her arm draped over her head and a swan as a prop. Lorelei calls reacts with her trademark sarcasm when she sees the prompting Emily to remark that she can be so harsh sometimes. She really did come down on Emily was trying to do a nice thing.

That's all she's got, her class, that's it, that's it. That's all she knows. So she's gonna stay safe, right yeah, yeah, But did you see how Laura I really want still wants her mom's approval. Like when even at the dinner table before that, you know, Emily says, do you want to mirror in front of your face? You can finish your conversation. She goes, sorry, mom, Right, you can see she could have come back, but she really does want

It's just, you know, these verbal beatdowns from Emily. But I mean, the behavior is very provocative coming out of Laura, isn't it?

Sure?

Is I mean, with cutting Emily out of the conversation and just quipping her daughter to reject reject, Oh here we go, careful, don't commit to it. I mean it's I mean, in real life and real time that is annoying to Emily, she's annoyed by.

This, But why do you think she's doing that?

Well, I think because she is. I think both women are deeply hurt. I think that all that's coming from lorealized pain and not being able to connect with her own mother consistently. And you know that's sarcasm, and that that humor comes out as a as a defense mechanism, right, I mean, it's just how to keep the distance and how to keep it safe. And this is how I feel safe, and you know I can't be vulnerable or intimate with my own mother, I mean, and that's where

Yeah, but I agree with that. Right Often, people, especially kids, they act out in the worst ways to have some connection, right, right, So that lashing out is is a connection. Gossiping, it's connecting, you know, and any of those those ways, it's still connecting, even if it's hurtful.

And I think after Laura, I apologize for the painting, uh drubbing. Uh. You know, Emily showed some real grace in accepting her apology.

Yes she did, and I'm glad.

I'm glad that Laura I apologized. I really am.

I wish there was a hug. I was hoping they were going to have embrace. But that's just not them. I don't know. I'm a hugger, you know. I have so many clients that say, my parents never hugged me, right, and that wild And I recently had somebody that said, I can't say I love you. Anybody said, can you say I love you to your child? Nope, can't do it. What about your dog? Oh yeah, I can do that because my dog loves me back wild Eh. What a different world we would live in if everybody was vulnerable.

Well, they say, a twenty second hug, you know, creates all of these wonderful chemical reactions inside of a child and with the parent as well. There's a there's a bonding that happens.

Hugs are important, they sure are, but not to Emily Gilmore.

Yeah, that's just a generation. That's that generation that they were tough man. They really withheld, withheld, withheld, and that was their control and their power over and you know all that bs right, that is too bad? All right now, we get to the closing scene, Emily shows up at the end this big scene to meet the woman who raised her daughter, and Mia tells Emily, upon seeing young Laura l I with a baby in her arms, that if that were her daughter, she would have wanted someone

Knows and uh wow, not even a thank you, nothing, just ice, just entitled.

Yeah.

And that no wonder Loralai left.

Right mm hmm oh yeah, I mean she.

Was just suffocating in there, right yeah. And that I think is the life for a lot of people, not really a home the way that independence in was for Loorlai.

How many young kids in this country over the decades have been searched of left home and they're searching for their meya.

So many, so so.

Many, and they a lot don't find their medya.

They don't.

The massive problem, you know, that's parents, take heed, hug your kids, tell them you love it.

That's right, that's right.

I mean if you were to give one piece of advice, you know, before the end, before you went on that long vacation my end, well whoever, I mean that that would be my advice. How of your kids tell them you love them like every day multiple times?

And yes, take I don't think I can say this word on the air, but take the bee out of the obituary that is in my book, because in other words, you need to be vulnerable, right right? What kind of legacy do you want to leave?

Right?

Do you want? Is it going to say, well, worked fifty hours on your epitaph or made a beautiful painting with ours up actually happened to be the book? So what kind of legacy are you going to leave? Because remember, people don't remember what you teach them. They remember how you, how they felt around you, right right, So this whole episode, and if you take that perspective of how Loralai felt around Mia compared to her mom, and the difference in her mannerism so different. So great.

Summer is this season of love Summer Loven, here we come. If you're old enough to remember Summer Loven, you're old enough to find and I Do Part Two. Listen each week as our hosts make it their goal to find you the next true love of your life. Jenny Garth, Jana Kramer, Alexia Napola, Cheryl Burke, Jen Fessler, Kelly ben Simone, Amy Roebock, and TJ. Holmes are dedicated to helping you fall in love again. It's time to make it hot, hot hot this summer.

Listen to I Do Part Two on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. You know, it's really interesting to start a series this way with such a unexpectedly powerful move by a sixteen year old Laurel I with a baby. That is a power move. Yeah, she didn't know it at the time. She didn't know how empowering it would be. She just knew she had to get away and the only way her gut was telling her get away from this. This is too toxic

Yeah, as if she didn't have a choice, she had to do it.

Then we meet her sixteen years later when her daughter's sixteen years old. What a hook, What a powerful hook, and all of this unfolding before us. This is, you know what, tyrants and bullies and and I've had a great deal of experience with this. Never expect. The one thing they don't expect when they with her friends or business colleagues or family members. What they never expect is that you can just leave. You can just cut them off. And it's an amazingly empowering thing.

You know what, Scott, There's three things that often keep us stack in, you know, any adverse childhood experiences, traumatic events, awful things, lack of choice, lack of safety or responsibility. You can cover those three things. We really can be free of a lot of those awful feelings of shame and guilt. And so many people feel stuck. Right but Laurela, I didn't she did it.

I think of all the characters in this show, people ask me all the time, you know, how are you similar to Luke? And you know who I'm similar to is Larelai?

Yeah?

Oh yeah, I identify with that very very strongly, that will to power, that will to cut off, that will to to reinvent, that will to heal the wounds, and knowing and staying positive and knowing that there's a better situation, there's a better future. What a great role model, What a great thing. This is the power of this show. It's it's it's that, you know, it's that that courageous Laureli Gilmour.

What were your dreams?

My dream we're going to do a little therapy, Okay, well.

But Lareli's dream of having her own in right, and her dream of leaving home and you know, the home of the independence in and what was your dream?

Well, when I was a kid growing up, my dream was to be a ski racer, believe or not in New Jersey where that just wasn't gonna happen. No, it's flat, there aren't really any mountains, and yet here I was wanting, wanting to be a ski racer. I don't know, And we didn't have money, you know, we didn't have enough

You know, that kind of wow.

But it was really, you know, there was there was writing involved. You know. I wanted to be a writer in my teens and I wrote a great deal and I read a great deal of books. So I wanted to go to college and study English literature and and be a writer.

Have you wrote any books?

No, No, I've written chapters, and I've written a lot of short stories, and I've written screenplays and I've written, yes, teleplays, not not very many teleplays, but screenplays. Yeah. I've started a couple of novels and just got stuck. Yeah, you know, you really have to confront your game and is doing that in a room, right, It's it's terrifying. So yes, it is, you know, the writing bug and the writing gene is in my family. But nice you know, uh,

That's also why I don't think Suki and larealize business dream is going to come to fruition like based on this episode, because Suki is so her attention to detail and then life comes in like there's just it just doesn't work right. You can only plan so much, we can't control, which is scary in itself.

Right, Right, I have to say this is I've had a lot of not a lot, but I've had a few favorite episodes. This one really hit me so far at this point in the I am all in process. This is my favorite episode.

Wow.

Yeah, I think it's the best written, it's beautifully directed. I think Michael Cattleman is just such a great director, and we had great directors and he was an executive producer for the first couple of years. So this, this show, in this first couple of seasons, really has Michael Cattleman's stamp on it. And you know, I just remember really loving working with him and thinking that his episodes were just really you know, just crackling good.

Yeah, as they say, there's so much in it.

And you got a Palladino writing the script. You got a Dan Palladino, you know, and it's just like the talent here and again. And I'll say it to the cows come home, because the cows, the cows come home, and then they leave and then they come back. I just marveled a not at what I was doing in the show. I just marveled at the opportunity that I got to be in that show, and I got to

Headless goat that he can go from zero to ten like that, right, And.

Just so much fun to play it, and so lucky to have been asked to do that. So just really loving the show and so grateful, just so full of gratitude. And I know people hear that and they roll their eyes, but man, I mean, just the more time that goes by, the more I appreciate this, you know. And you know, I was in Idaho recently at a comic con and I got to meet all the fans. You know, these fans, they're newly minted fans, right. There's fans that have been

And my husband I caught him singing the song. He's like a Harley Davidson.

I love these guys, man. I just give him a hug and say, hang in there.

Man, I got nothing to my fourteen year old.

He loves right everybody. It's everybody.

We can watch it.

Yeah, it's amazing. It's just an amazing phenomenon. I was also in Oklahoma City's same thanks, same reaction. People have been with the show twenty five years and or people just discovered it. They just wanted to come and say hello and celebrate. And it's just such a great engage, passionate fan base and there's so much fun. And I love going to these cons. I love going to these kinds.

This subculture totally.

Absolutely, and it's growing and growing and growing and growing. Anyway, final thoughts, and give give me your take on the entire seven seasons. Your your your your general take, on the entire seven seasons, because I understand you just finished watching.

One hundred and fifty eight episodes.

No, really, one hundred and fifty seven, I think.

Oh was it seven? Okay?

Is there one hundred and fifty eighth of my God? You're going to set that, oh story the Gilmour versus, like where there's a missing episode? What is it?

Maybe only availed in Canada?

Yeah, one fifty three, two thousand and two thousand and seven, and then four Netflix, that's one fifty seven. Maybe it's one.

Sorry, maybe it one's fished, no worse, maybe I probably dreamed one in my head. My final You know what, here's a story of you know, real life, how real these conflicts can show up in our real life and how the fear and all these motions can just drive what we do. But it's so important to dream, right

Yeah?

So just because we are like this, we're scared, doesn't mean we have to continue. Maybe it's not our fault, but it's our responsibility to get over this fear and live the dream we have.

Yeah, you must. It's a load you don't have to carry anymore. That's right, you know, get rid of it. And there's ways to do it. And Jennifer is one of those people I am that is compassionate and caring and trained by the way, yes, to help you shoulder off that load, put it down, and learn how to walk in strength going forward.

Yeah, my book's been helpful to lots of people I've heard.

Let's hold that book up again. Let's see that book.

It's a picture of me. Huh. Everything I can't say in a session, I say it into here. So there's lots of humor and tidbits all about conflict.

You can get that on Amazon.

Amazon, Yep, Jennifer Banks, Yes, follow me please. And there's a lot of tips and tricks that I like to share on TikTok and my socials. I just like helping people, I really do. And it's a little bit about my story. My husband, God love him, twenty years. This year wasn't always easy. He broke his neck in two thousand and three and that was the beginning of our story. Yeah, so the burdens of what happens with chronic health issues, etc. Yeah, but this was wonderful.

Jennifer Banks, thank you for coming on. One of the world's protective angels. Right there. Ladies and gentlemen, get her book and book an appointment if you need her, because she's wonderful. I've seen her in action, folks, and she is. She's one of the best. Jennifer Banks, thank you so much for joining us. And that's going to wrap up Season two, episode eight, the Ins and Outs of Inns.