Group Therapy Part 1

We crushed it and I crashed Shawn Guns panel and it was hilarious. I wish the video were available. If anybody has the video of me crashing Shawn Guns panel, please bring it forward because it's it was. It was a lot of fun. There was a ton of you. He crashed your kiss. You should have crashed your panel. He crashed my one. He crashed your kiss. That's why I did it. That was the whole point. Did you run out like this? Well, I ran in as if I was being chased by unknown assailants and I had

to get away from That's actually really good. Yeah, it's good. It's a good way to enter a room and when they realized it was me, it was just a vroorious joy and laughter. M oh but I played through the whole scene and collapsed on stage and oh my god. Wait, so did you do a panel too? I did a panel on Friday afternoon. Yes, and what happened? Somebody asked, is it like a moderator and they're mostly focused on Gilmore girls? Yeah? Uh yeah, yeah, but a lot of

it could be it could be anything. It's a it's a lot of stuff. Yeah. We talked Sullivan's Crossing too, which debuted Sundays Gonna. I was gonna say, they must be so stoked that they get it and that you're reunited with Chad, Michael Murray, Chad the the Chad Master, mister old Spice himself. Where's the turtle neck? Better than anybody I've ever seen? I thought I could wear a turtle there. Wait, so did you get to see the

episode of Soliving? I saw it Sunday night. I did the con Friday, Saturday Sunday, went to the new hotel Sunday afternoon, late afternoon, checked into the new you know the one that the network put me up in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because the con was no. They cut me off because I could see I've seen um Canadian press popping up with Oh yeah, that's what I did Monday. All day.

We did like thirteen hits. It was fun. Oh. Bell Media has a PR team and a marketing team you wouldn't believe, and they we just did hit after hit after hit. Did some live shows, did the Maryland Dennis Show, did the did the Social I was it was like their version of the view. Oh okay, I was a guest host. I was the fifth chair for thirty minutes and we just had a blast. So is it on streaming in Canada or is it on like a network where it's one, No, it's on it's on CTV. Is

that like NBC or something. Yeah. Yeah, that's the huge So they get one episode a week like like a regular like a TV show as opposed to everything. It is broadcast television. But they can see it also on CTV dot c A. They can get okay, CTV dot app app. I don't know what the heck it is. So did you like it? What did you think of that?

Did I did you know? I was nervous because I'd seen a rough cut and I was I was like, you know, and then and then Roma, Roma Roth who you know created the show UM from the book from Robin Car The Great Car Um. You know, Roma created UH from Robin car books. Virgin River the number one, right, the number one streaming show in the world. So I guess you know what she's she knows what she's doing. But she you know, she edited a lot of it. She did the music, she did this, she did that,

she wrote. I mean, wearing so many hats. So I'm getting room service. They're coming to turn down service at seven o'clock. The things coming on. I'm sure. I'm trying to know these people. I'm sush I'm saying, show's coming on. They're looking at me. Oh, I was up way past my bedtime. I had to take a pillow, stay up, thanks Amy. And then room service came in. I'm watching the show. I'm eating my food. It's hooking me. Everything's hooking me, and so good. I know. Fifteen twenty minutes in,

I started weeping. I still crying. It got me. Yeah, it's it's it's really emotional. Very show. Is it funny also or more drama. It's a romantic drama. The rom drama they call it, but and no, it does have elements of humor here and there, but it really is you know, it's kind of this is USI oh woh, whoa. Yeah, I had to stop watching this a is Us because it was I had to kept taking advil. At the end of the night, I was like, I can't can't cry anymore crying. Yeah, that one just parenthood did that

to me. But I made it through. Although the finale I was undone. But this is Us. It's just one day. I'll go back. But it was a lot. Oh gosh, it was so great. I was in you know, it hooked me pretty quick and I just was going through it and I knew the story so and it impacted me in a pretty powerful way. But that and we don't know when we're gonna get it. You're gonna you're gonna get it, and you're gonna get it huge, and okay, it's gonna be a good thing. It's gonna be a

good thing. I can't really say anything. I've been sworn to secrecy, but I think you guys, he actually is sworn to secrecy because sometimes there's secrets that we he lets us know, but we actually do we have no idea. No, I don't. I haven't told my wife. She's she's she's ready to bring out the baseball back. I always wonder if people on the mask singer tell they're like their

spouse or their partner or whatever. Sometimes I think they don't, right, No, it's if you weren't, if you were in the CIA, would you tell your partner? You know what I mean, believe this? Guess what we're invading? We're invading PA. I've always wondered if, like you're married to a CIA agent, do you know that and you have to do? What have you watched Alias? No? Her boyfriend is literally killed

because she tells him that she's in the CIA. That's a little confusing because she's in sort of like a rogue CI. It's not the real CIA, So I don't know if in the real CI. But like, no, you can help when you're out, So you just lie to your partner forever and say you work at a flower shop, you know, like meet the fuckers, Like anybody anybody see that? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, Like how he's like in some kind of central intelligence agency. We're definitely going going on. But I just wonder nipples

Craig can you milk mea? But I mean, I mean the con was was super great because there are a ton of Gilmore fans in that Toronto area. I mean it was just of lines, long lines and people being just great and pleasant and we know you love it too. Oh God again Grandma's was a lot of hugs, a lot of kisses, a lot of tears, a lot of babies coming up. Is there a question? They mostly ask you, like something that everybody asks you, M Yeah, is there gonna? Are there going to be more episodes? They want to

know that, yeah, And I don't have an answer. I would like to know that too. I don't have an answer. I've already written about I've already written ten new episodes and it's all it's all about the wedding. I've submitted them to the studio and I'm a waiting word, waiting for eight years on the on the word. But should we get to our therapy session? So we wanted to like have one more episode where we break down like all of season four, and then we'll launch season five. Yeah,

I know, I think that's cool. I'm ready because I have my most important question. Yeah, and I'm I think it's really a great idea because One eleven Productions and iHeart Radio are involved in this with Amy Sugarman, Daniel Romo, and I like, how you did that? Scott. It's like we forgot to do that twelve minutes ago. Is this a new break? We just started talking. I got to

get the production company pop in there, you know, I can't. Yeah, and intros it's like, hopefully they've no by now, but I'm ready because I would say my my first question that I really want to ask the therapist is why does she think Rory we talked about this a little bit, who has always had it together right, has has for the most part done the right thing, decided to go so sideways? Yeah, that's my main question. And why did she make the right call in saying no to jesss

or should she have done something different there? I think she said that a good decision on her part. Yeah, I don't think that's Yeah, I think that she should have gone with Jess, not Dean. That's what I who I want to dig into it is like what and what's going on with Dean? Yeah? And what's in his brain? But we've had her on before because we have to get the fans engaged in that issue, because they're not terribly engaged at all, are they? Thank you? Let's bring

her on. Yeah, she's great. She's a g fan, so she knows everything. No one, no one really listened to last week. We've had we've had um, we've had her on before, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh god, I'm oh it's Kim's fantastic. Let's bring her in. Hello, Kim, welcome to the show. Um. We had such a great time with the last time. We wanted to have you back on at this crucial juncture of our journey. Hey, you

wanted to be a bud Gaster. Here you are. Um. We have a bunch of questions that fans either mailed in or phoned in and left on on my mailed in the post a letter to Scott. Here's another one. A couple were dropped off by a homing pigeon, so they wanted one of the top questions. And there's you know, we can only whittle it down to about ten h and I don't even know if we're gonna get to

all of those. So Laura from San Antonio wanted to know what was the appropriate way for Laura La to react when learning Rory and Dean slept together at the end of the season finale a season four. Who let's start out that one good question. It's a great question. And you know, when you guys were talking about it on the podcast on Monday, you hit you made a lot of really good points with it. Um, And I'm gonna I'm gonna venture on how she did react. I'll

say this first, how she did react. I thought she reacted probably about his best as one could do. Even the situation of walking in, um, walking into that scenario, it would have been interesting too. And I'm just you know, kind of looking at other options here. It would have been interesting, like if it hadn't been Dean coming out, what if it had been just coming out, would you know, would her reaction be a little bit different? But if you watch her in that scene, I love when you

guys talk about faith acting. When you watch her in that scene, she's like, I don't know if she's pushing something down, yeah, or something's coming up. But that was terror.

If you saw some of that there, she looked afraid yeah, Um, And it was that moment and I can only guess you know, I'm speculating here again, but I can only guess it's that moment where if anybody's ever had something like that, don't have to be that, but it maybe somebody that you know that acts so what you think is out of character, that you don't recognize me, and it's really really scary. So watching her um try to kind of refrain. I watched her kind of refrain. I

watched terrorsts are kind of refrain from everything. And when you when you watch Dean, you know, first Rory comes out and she's you know, she's she's still on her oxytocin high from this right. And then she sees Rory come out and she looks a little like, oh hey what and then looking disheveled, and then her homesteen and just the shock, probably some terror in there. And then

she doesn't even make eye contact with Dean. And then as she when she when Dean leaves and they start talking, m I think she's kind of at a loss for words, and watching Rory move into friend zone with her, watching Rory moving into friends zone, and I know that I'm kind of going on on this question, but no earlier, earlier in the episode, and that one of my favorite Rory lore last scenes when she's at the diner and having her check out. Luke acting different. Really, that's how

they talk. We're used to that. Their their way of communicating like that, but really, isn't that more of a best friend conversation? Yeah, your daughter kind of in her daughter, Yeah, and her daughters even kind of being very discerning, like you, Luke, this is Luke. You. You can't just get with Luke and then if something happens, everything's gonna be fine. It's

gonna affect us, it's gonna affect the town. Really discerting in that moment, And so I just thought it was interesting when they go back, when Laurela has to be pulled into a role that she doesn't have to do very often, being a mom. Right, it's it was jarring when she when she goes from best friend to mom. It is a little jarring, which is why I reacted the way I did. But anyway, continue this is yeah, so true because she was so yeah, Rory was so

nonchalant about it. Oh we're fine, you know, sorry I didn't tell you. Did you think she was like a little bit sheepish? Amy when at first, like, you know, aren't you happy it's with somebody? That loves me very like that conversation I think should have happened with Lane over Laura Lee would have been would have been a

little probably more appropriate what what we would think. And then you watch Laura Lie she can't help, you know, And I think we've established at this point in the show, Laura Lae that is her person, that is her most important person in the world, that is everything, that's that's

she revolves around her. So she's gonna care. She doesn't want this for her daughter, for sure, even though Rory's kind of in kind of a postcoital fantasy place again with her own oxytocin high but um, she doesn't want the situation because it's not that it's Dean necessarily, it's where Dean is now. So you can watch her kind of you can watch her kind of move in and out of parents like am I gonna move in? Am

I gonna move out? Um, and being very concerned about, you know, Rory's reaction if I'm Lorilae for a minute, Rory's reaction towards me because I want, I want to say something here and I don't want her to reject me. So I thought it was pretty tamped down considering what it could be. And I also know the things that she said that I knew was going to send Rory into a defense place right when she went into mother mode. And Scott, you had made the comment about what about tomorrow,

you know what if they did that tomorrow? There is there is some truth in that. There's even some training when you know, parents learn how they're to kind of manage their own neurobiology so that they're responsive and not reactive, and and even and I don't know, is this still a thing? Amy, do you remember this where they had the contract if you were drinking, you signed the contract with your parent and your parent will pick you up.

We're not going to talk about it till tomorrow. Buelerheads prevail. So there is something too that. And I think that she still did probably about its best of a job as she could given this shock of that. UM, I think she did try to reel it in. And I wouldn't be surprised if there weren't some Emily and Richard Gilmore comments that she's holding back and also this this this piece too of just the human aspect of this.

She says a couple of things that when she when she says to Rory that she's, you know, again, trying to shock Rory back into reality. Who is this girl right now? And they're shaming And we do that sometimes when someone's does something that we're so shocked by, we want to shame them back into you know, what's appropriate. And that's a really good point, Scott. I think that that you. I think you reacted to that too. That you didn't there was some of that which you could

understand but probably could have been done better. Shaming her was not the move. The longer I live, the more I the more harm I see people absorbed with shaming. And it's a real harm, and it's a long term harm. And it's nothing, you know, it's it's nothing than anybody should take lightly. And uh, that's that's why I said what I said. I almost more, I'm far more sensitive sensitive to it now. I almost could hear Lorelai saying

you should be ashamed of yourself. She didn't say it, but yeah, but I'd have been a part of it. It's like I almost am hearing that. Why do I feel like she did say that? Did she not knowed to it? Yeah? Yeah, we picked it up though. I think you guys are all saying, is we kind of we kind of picked it up. I did pick it up. I have a question for you, Kim, Like, let's just

say you're doing like a session with Lorelei Murray. They just came to you one day and they're like, we're having other daughter relationship issues and they brought up this this night, Like how would you help them navigate that? Well, now you're now you're kind of stepping into like, well, I don't do couples anymore. But what we what we do have to do in those kind of situations is trying to make it safe so that the one, you know, one party can speak their feelings free of the interjecting

of the other ones. Because really, you know, you're they're trying to resolve an issue. You know, like they're gonna want They're not gonna be coming in if they don't want to resolve it. And truthfully, if Laura Lai can't calm down enough here where Rory's coming from, she's not gonna get anything from Rory or he's gonna stay in protective, defensive mode. This is just how we are. You know, we're we're If I feel ashamed, you're not gonna get

a lot out of me because I'm gonna have expect myself. Um, it's it can be. It can be a useful thing and compliancy, but it's not useful in terms of making connections with people. It's I'm so curious what everyone in this group would have thought would have happened. If it was Jess that came out, I'd be thrilled. But I thought, like,

absolutely thrilled. Like it was Jess, Yeah, Dean was single, I would be thrilled, Like you know what I mean, Like, it's not the fact that they had that she had sex with Dean, it's the fact that she had sex with Dean who is married. Yeah. And I think I think that Lorala actually would have done what Scott said, being like, oh my gosh, and let's talk about this tomorrow. Let's get back to the party, because it would have not been It would have been something they're gonna eat

their popcorn and talk about tomorrow. Good and bad. There would be some bad, yeah, but it wouldn't have been dramatic. And even if it was, if Dean wasn't married, it would have If it was Dean and he just wasn't married,

it would have been a completely different conversation. But you know how many time times in our lives just to take it out of this arena a little bit, But how many times in our personal lives, throughout our lives would we have all made better choices had we just stopped, sat down, controlled ourselves, taken a couple of deep breaths, walked away, and not addressed it in the moment, in the heat of the moment, Right, how many how many blow ups did you have in your life because you

didn't do that? And I I think that's an important skill to learn. I also think Laurla would have been equally as upset in the way she was, even if they hadn't had sex per se. Say, they just came out of that room and they were like making out and fooling around like whatever. Right, I think that's what has It's the affair or the behind the back or the inappropriateness of it, not that Rory decided to lose her virginity. Yeah, I agree, that's yeah, It's not about

Laura or it's not about Rory having sex. It's about the principle. The principle. Yea and Amy, you had made a comment about what it means like what Laurea La wants to protect her from. You know what it's it's it's a married man. Yes, it's Dean, it's my Dean. There's a lot of consequences in there that Rory's not seeing right now. So, like you said about just if if if Laura La, and again Laura is very preoccupied.

This is to me this was a season of transitions and unavailability of what we consider kind of our stable people. It seems like all the main characters have something going on that they're not um as accessible to each other. They don't feel the same level of support or But but Rory is looking for like what, well, I'm getting off my train of thought here, but what Rory did. If if Laura La would have seen maybe all of the stuff that was happening that was leading up to

that moment, she might have intervened. Yeah, you know, just questioning and and unfortunately, and I've you guys can kind

of give me your thoughts on this too. In the four years that this has been on, as close as they are to everyone in Stars Hollow, there's really not another mother figure, not really no, right, Um, you know you've got bad, bad and you've got, you know, some other people miss Patty, but they don't really step in in the you know, kind of an ant role or you know, not even Suki does that and she certainly doesn't, right, and Richard and Emily they don't deal with that side

of Rory. So there really wasn't a lot. There really wasn't many other choices. Lane was preoccupied too when she especially when she moved out of the dorm and uh with Loralai in this circumstance, they don't have a lot of She and Rory do not have a lot of these ruptures in their relationship where there's a lot of experience of doesn't it also make Yeah, it makes you think that that episode, remember the episode where they were

just missing each other so much? Yeah, is more significant that like she really didn't confide in her mom of any of this stuff about Jess, about Dean, about feeling like when everyone was kind of like you don't have a boyfriend and everyone else does you know all that and even even the spring breaks sort of like, yeah, she didn't go to stars Hollow. She really work out, Yeah, guess with Colin Egglesfield well in that Dean drunk, Oh yeah, the drunk dying and then that what does that episode

call the sinking Laurela? Is? Is that the one or something like that, the one that you're mentioning there. Amy Also that was the one where Laurie Rory was given was met with the professor and he said, you know, I know what's going on here. You need to drop a class. That's simple. Oh yeah, which for her not simple. She was you know, she says, I'm I'm failing. I can't hand. I mean that this is where it's really

hitting upon her core beliefs. And so I think when you brought that up, it's a really pivotal point because she goes to try to find her mom because she's lost and Mom's not there. She's busy, get it. You know, it's real world. I mean, so let's get let me, let me get a definitive if there is even a definitive answer to should she have left it? Should Laurela

have left it alone? And then brought maybe gently brought it up in the morning and let and let Rory just sort of settle into her experience of having lost her Virginia in her own space and her own time, knowing that Laurel is upset, but it's not been addressed yet. Oh gosh, in a in a perfect world, if everybody knew what to do, you know, definit you're you know,

you're asking me to give a definitive answer. And I'm looking at these like real people right now, I'm like, I don't know if there is a definitive answer on that. Maybe if they could have said, we're going to talk about this tomorrow, right, you know, but we will talk about this. Maybe, um, maybe that could have been better

for cooler heads. But isn't it valuable for a young person, a daughter, eighteen year old, nineteen year old, to have that time to sort of process it all at least overnight and then part of part of a morning and then be more prepared to sort of maybe she goes to her mother and you know, offers an apology and oh my god, and and and maybe you know, a good parent doesn't really need to say anything if they trust their child to a at the moral center. Rory

was so like, Rory thought it was great. I think that's my only like, I agree with you. Rory would have said, like Scott, I think where you're coming from is right, and that if they started the conversation and Rory sort of oh wait, but instead she was tripling down on how good of a thing this was, and my only thing is Like then she would have just gone off with the CDs back to the thing, thinking I got a boyfriend and I had sex, you know, Whereas like I think the reason why she I don't

know about it. I think she I think the only reason she's feeling shame, if she's even feeling shame right now, I don't really know, but just based off of her breakdown is by calling Dean's phone. Yeah, that's the only reason. I think. That is what told her it's wrong, not even I drove her to do that by coming down on her hard. So she stormed off like I'm right, you're wrong, And then she calls her boyfriend who she

just slept with, and his wife answers to me. That was the breaking point for her because she wanted to prove a point to Laureli, and Laureli was right, and so yeah, I agree with you. I actually agree with you, Amia. It's Dean, my Dean. She was really gonna hold that this is my Dean. I had him first. All her sort of kind of asinine reasons. It's a she's she's

living in a bit of a fantasy right there. And and and you know, if we looked at the reason why, Um, there's a lot of need of avoidance of reality for her right now. That's it's a really great place to avoid in that kind of relationship. I wonder you know when you talk about kind of stepping in a way, stepping away from a moment, I don't you know? And again, because we don't have the value of the Laura lot

here telling us what she was thinking. Um, yeah, there's there's always a value in being able to like cooler heads prevail. I'm so curious what you all think if okay, so say that's everything plays out the same way, right except instead of running back to the house, Luke ran back to the house to get something, or Lane came to the house. What would they have said if they walked in on her Luke Luke catching them, and he would have no right to say anything. I think he

I think go back to Laura. I think the question is what do you go back and tell Laura? La? That is a great question, that's the question. Do you think? What do you think? Well? There, you know what I mean, if he doesn't, right, yeah, he's in trouble with Laura. If he does, he's in trouble with Rory, and then he's in trouble with Laura La too. If you also remember he doesn't run into the house alone at well Luke.

Also he's seen Dean out at like he was playing video games and it does have the intel he does in his back pocket. And what do you think Lane would have said? Well, I think Lane would have been like Rory, this is I mean, how was it? But question? I think I think Lane would have been excited for her for like five minutes and then would start asking probably some of the same questions that Laurel I asked, Yeah,

but in a friend way. Yeah, yeah, I would love to bring up I did see this note this week and I thought, oh, great point, and I wanted to see what everyone thinks of it. Rory did quote ruin the graduation for Lourel because she was off with Jess and then remember the bus she couldn't get back, blah blah blah. But like this one is really again Lorelei's big night, and it's sort of taken sideways again by something that Roy doesn't I just thought. I don't think

it's intentional. I don't even think it's subconscious. I think it's just a weird, wacky coincidence. But it's like, oh no, I think she's used to always everything kind of being about her. And I think as an only I am an only child, so like your problems or your problem, you know what I mean. Like, if that's the way she's thinking, it's just my guess because like Lorelai lives her life and then Rory doesn't really have a say in it, you know, like she doesn't. She just goes

with the flow of what her mom does. Like if her mom wants to open a new end, great congratulations, Like she's not really like giving her input. Yeah, I think that's true. I think Scott, you made that point too about Max. It's like you could really argue that that wasn't cool of Loralai, even though she's sort of tried to do it the right way, like talking to Rory about it and doing it, but like, you know, right way, and so I do see what it. Laura

is not he perfoundaries. Let's talk about boundaries. Although I stand by that she handled that well, I do think she handled the situation as a as a good parent. But it is a little hypocritical. There is some hypocrisy. So Kim in your experience, let's talk about mother daughter is best friends? Is it good or bad? That is?

You know, this is that was really interesting And I know you guys brought that up therein can lie the big problem though, right, and you know, and so if we're gonna take you know, if we're gonna do the deep dive on this, Laura Lee had Rory at sixteen, she moved, she's on her own. So even though she's a mom at sixteen, she can only be sixteen years old, right,

you can only be sixteen years old. So when And I think, yeah, I again speculating here, but I think Laurel Lize book for Raising Rory, if I had to guess, was I'm going to not do what my parents did. That's the biggest thing. That's the biggest thing. And because she does talk about, you know, in her you know, in the in the times where she and Emily can actually have it out, they don't end well, Um, she doesn't feel seen, She didn't feel seen in the house.

She talks about suffocating in the house. She feels like, you know, Emily and Richard wanted her to be a certain way in ignoring who she was. So it's like, I'm not gonna do that to my kid. So she wants to make sure that Rory, Yeah, she wants to make sure that, you know, Rory has a very different life than she does. But one of the things that happens is that when we talk about attachment theory, Laurea lies a gonna be Rory's attachment. That's my safe space.

This is where I go get comfort. This is the person that's that takes care of me. This is the safest place in the world. I can't I think with with Loralai being as young as she was, and if you look just in these four seasons now of the relationships that she has. Unfortunately, I think Rory is laurelized attachment and that can create a lot of problems though, because it's beyond just being you know, and again, I love Loralai. I do. I love lral and I think

she does an incredible job. And there are times where there's much too much on Rory for laurelized emotional regulation, which, like what you guys were talking about when it came when it comes time for her to be a mom, there's not a lot of experience with it, right, or has been such a good I'm gonna do them a little air quotes here, good good kid for so long, um and that's a that's another piece. But so she doesn't have a lot of experience with having to be mom,

having to have a lot of these issues. But yeah, I think it can be difficult some people, you know, I don't want to judge anybody out there that's done them, has done a stellar job. I've known people, but in that circumstance, because she doesn't have her parents, not in a way that you would want her to have them,

And she also doesn't maybe because she was sixteen. She also doesn't have these other groups of moms that they can kind of write it's been with well, and she has such a bad experience with the other moms, other than maybe missus Kim, who's kind of you know, really the other moms were like mean to her. Yeah, yeah, And I think the only one that could kind of fulfill that role. And we saw her at one time was the lady that owned it was probably she's gone

the time we meet them, she's gone. She's she's always look at Laura Lee, as you know, with with the intensity that Rory has in the determination of getting into Yale, it's almost like Laura Lie has that same intention and determination to raise her daughter on her own. I agree with that, do this on my own. And there's no way that you know you're not going to bump into

some stuff with that. So with that being said, with the playbook being do everything not the way my parents did it, I do actually think Emily and Richard would have responded the same way, though if Laura Lee cheated, like if they color Lie in that situation. That's why I thought that it sounded so much like Emily when she was laying into Rory. Amy is about to disagree, only because I can't because I know something that's coming and so I cannot cannot bring that in. Please reduse

yourself from this. I think there would have been more of you should be ashamed of yourself? How dare you put our family name through this? How dare you embarrass us this way? Like, I think there would have been more of that, but the same um. I feel like they would have reacted very similarly. Watch the one to kind of get if you want to kind of do a comparison. Um watch the one is it the first season with Rory and Dean go to the dance and they fall asleep and miss Patty. It's a little bit

different energy with Emily. It's it's a lot of you did this, you ruined it. Yeah, you see, Laurel I really kind of pull it back. So she wants she wants to. I mean you could picture you know, right because in that episode she kind of laid it on Rory after Emily left, but in a in a nicer way, and she really did a mothering job there too. Now it is jarring when she switches from best friend to mother, but like, she didn't do the right thing there, ish.

I mean, you could always criticize someone's parenting, like, but you know, she does step into mother mode when it's absolutely essential and it's confused, and then it becomes confusing for Rory. Oh yeah, that's that's the dad. That's what you guys are talking about it. You know, really has been a good kid, and she minds her mom's minds her moms. She minds her mom on a lot of things, but when it moves into relationships stuff, she that's why she hit back at that time when when when Laura

lines confronting her on that, she hits back. She hits back with you know, what about you and dad? Yeah? What about you and dad? With Sherry and all these kind of things. She's defending herself at that point and kind of trying to stave off the shame. Yeah, right right, Kim. Is there a parenting style in your experience, whether single mother, single father, or you know, a two parent household, is there a parenting style that produces happier, healthier, more successful

kids over other parenting styles. What what we're finding out a lot now is you know, Scott, what you're talking about is this parents learning their own neurobiology and learning what's going on inside. There's always something going inside of us at all times, and learning how to be responsive

versus being reactive. Because part of the job with the parents and the child is your your child is disregulated, and if you're not regulated you it's going to be very difficult to help your child regulate, and so then we might see stuff about you know, when you can act better, you can come back in here. And I'm not again I grew up hearing that, but but if you can't regulate your own then it's going to be put on the kid to make sure I don't do

anything to upset you. I think it's making me so think about like that Lorelai should have said, we really

need to sit down and talk about this. And whether it was right now or after the party or tomorrow, I'm not sure, but really saying like, we really need to sit down and talk about this because this is a big deal in a lot of ways, and then addressing all the feelings because they need to address that she just lost her virginity, They need to address that she really made a bad choice in sleeping with Dan. Now wait two months, like whatever you know, and really

sitting down and like talking it through. Do you know what the eight hundred pound grill in the room is

for me? Regarding this entire conversation, this entire dynamic is the toxicity throughout Rory's life that she has been exposed to because of the tension and the war war and the battles and the skirmishes and the yelling and the screaming and the bad vibes between Laurela in her family and Emily and Richard tell Us Kim how that affects impacts a child, and that can lead to bad decision making. Way in the case of you know, if we're sticking with this show here, I don't know. I you know,

you guys correct me if I'm wrong. I don't know if Emily and Richard have been much of a part of Laura of Rory's life until she's going to Chilton. You know, it's occasional Christmas. Yeah, so I don't know how much they solve that. Um, there's no you know, there's no grandparents there of course, um, and she's going to have a perspective about them. But yeah, in in a situation where there's a lot of that kind of going back and forth and fighting, Well, can I draw

a flag on the play? I think one of the things that's not good is when Laura lie says, oh, I'm not speaking to your father, but you can't remember, like she's sort of not talking to Christopher because of all the belief that went down to Christopher. That's an impossible situation to put a kid into. Yeah, so to me,

that really didn't help. It's like, whether it's true or not, or whether she's she's definitely shouldn't say that, but it's like she needs to be communicating with Christopher because he is the father, and you don't say to your kid like, well, he hurt me, so I'm not talking to him, but you can. I won't be mad about that. Yeah, it puts her in Yeah, you're right. It puts her in an impossible situation because she's not the adult. And it's basic.

It goes down to Rory has no power and no authority, and those in the dangerous part when you're a kid who's given some sense of authority and something, just like we found out, the parent can kind of lower the boom and you find out all of a sudden, oh, I don't have any any power and authority that that can do a number on you. I you know on this show, and you know, depending on how layer do you want it to be. I think Lorelai does a

lot of right things on this show. And also, there's no way if she was sixteen and she ran away, and regardless of what we think about it, her character had to think it was bad enough that I ran away from home and I did not return, and I don't I still don't really want them Richard and Emily in my life at this point. Um, there's trauma there, and it's unresolved. And the one thing that we will see with m Laura Lai, and we'll also see it with Rory too, is I'm this is this is my

keep everything at this cognitive level. I don't want to go down to those emotions. I really want to avoid those emotions. And that you know, avoiding emotions, which you know we all have. We all we all have a window of tolerance that we can you know, handle we none of us can handle a ton of stuff. But if you didn't have your parents or your caregivers help you deal with those, you will find really, really inventive

ways to avoid this. And and so Laura is going to struggle with helping Rory with some of these because she doesn't know her own well. And I start thinking about, like, if we look at Rory's track record with boys, it's not great because we start with Tristan, who's the ultimate like stud at school, but like he was doing the ultimate like name calling because I like you, which back in the day, remember when parents would be like, Oh, he's just mean to you because he likes you. And

now they're like, never teach that. It's so bad, right, It's got Tristan, who's like mean to her because he likes her. So that's like a very bad like way to start, right. Then she goes to Dean, which was a pretty good first relationship, but it had its problems because here comes Jess, and she's got one foot in with Jess before she's even out with Dean, and it's

a total mess. Then she's got this guy Jess, who's sort of the town hoodlum and no one likes him and the bad boy and the whole thing, and her mom doesn't like him, and it's all this rebelling and and attractive. Right then she goes to college and she's lonely and doesn't have anybody and she's struggling, can't connect with her mom. Every woman knows, like you go back into the well, you're like, oh, I'm feeling sad, and you're either in a bag of chips or you're like,

who can I like? Who can I go back into the well and dig out that I one time liked? And then you don't even know what you're doing. You're like, I like him, No, you don't. Well, and Dean. I think she loves Dean. She loved Dean at one time, as teenagers. She cares about him. I don't know if all this stuff wasn't going on right now, I don't know. And you know, like you know, Amy, when you brought up the other day, when you brought up you know,

this is why you don't date married men. If there could have if Laura Lai wasn't available, and there could have been maybe an aunt Amy or or an aunt Danielle or Tara to kind of go, hey, this is gonna be a problem. This is gonna be a problem. This is why Dean might have been you know, always cute, but it might have been. Yeah, I don't want to I don't want to go in there, but Dan, think of how awkward it is with the chick at the

beauty counter. Sorry, you shouldn't say chick with the nice girl Shane at the beauty I always forget her name, and ready she's had those awkward run ins with Lindsay, Like, the problem is, like you said, the oxytocin when you're in this first kiss and I love Dean and he's my savior, you're not thinking ahead of like, oh great, now I can't go to anywhere in town. Like everything's it's just a mess. You don't think ahead and go, dude,

wait two months. All I gotta do is say to this dude, well two months and the reminder too, Rory, remember you got bored with Dean that time. Yeah, that's a good right now is representing home, you know, she tells to Lane and they have that little conversation. You know, she talks about Joe showing up and he's so he's so you know, like Seafe's she said, Jess's. When she talks about Jess, she's like, he's you know, he's unpredictable

and he's sporadic. She's wanting safety right now. That's really well, everything her life has been, even though it's even though it's um a wonderful thing that she's in Yale and she's doing all these things, she's not feeling safe. And Dean is there when Mom isn't there. They have a history, there's an attraction there. He's not you know, as Luke is watching, he's not super crazy about what's happening at home. He's always wanted Rory first. Yeah, Dean's also the one

that Rory left Dean and Jess left Rory. So like that's important to Yeah, so I think Dean is more symbolic of safety and home. But then when you put in the complication of you know, the attraction, and then we bring in the sex part of it too, all that gets really really muddy, and that's gonna be it's gonna be difficult for Laura Lai to compete with that

frankly too at this point. So they both they both engaged in the act for all the wrong reasons, similar to Laura Lai and Christopher in the first season when they went to the house for dinner, they got all messy, that's right, and then poor Luke was got all the paint. Yeah, but it is kind of a similar pattern. So what we do kind of see that similar pattern of of Rory making kind of spontaneous, out of left field decisions.

And she's young, so you know that that twenty five year old fully baked brain of right where yeah about there's there's six years away from having going full baked. And one of those things that's probably not the right thing to say fully baked brain, because I know that the brain is not fully formed. But one of the one of the things that happened in that last bit of the brain being formed is that ability to foresee long term consequences. Insurance companies have known this for years.

I'm going to cut you off, but auto insurance. If you notice, your auto insurance drops down quite a bit, and if parents notice, the auto insurance drops down quite a bit when you get twenty one. Yeah, okay, everybody, we're gonna we're gonna wrap up this one, but get ready for a part two and we will uh see you real soon. Thanks for downloading. Best fans on the planet, Love you, and I always remember that I am all in.

Hey everybody, and don't forget follow us on Instagram at I Am all In podcast and email us at Gilmore at iHeartRadio dot com. Oh you're Gilmore fans. If you're looking for the best cup of coffee in the world, go to my website from my company scott ep dot com, s c O. T t yp dot com, scottip dot com Grade one Specialty Coffee