Shutdown for What

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Hello and welcome to Hysteria. I'm Erin Ryan. And I'm Alyssa Mastromonaco. Alyssa, this week, pictures circulated of Sydney Sweeney's birthday party. And Lauren Sanchez, Mrs. Jeff Bezos, was there as well. And they were dressed a how shall I... I say this gently, garishly. What do you think the dress code was at that party? I mean, eat the rich? I don't know. They're so tacky.

Good genes, bad taste. Good genes, bad taste. You know what? That's it. Also, Lauren Sanchez is going against her genes. All that plastic surgery. If God don't make mistakes, then why are you doing that to your face? Fun show today, Alyssa. We had a good time. Just an Aaron and Alyssa hang. Joy at ourselves. A classic. We're going to talk about the shutdown. That's not super fun. But no, it's happening.

But you gotta know what's what. You gotta know what's what. It's happening. We're here with you. We know it sucks. But we're gonna get through it together. Yeah. We also talk about what the fuck is up with Ezra Klein. What's going on, buddy? He's having a moment. He's having a moment, but it's not a great moment. And I think a lot of what's happening in the moment is dumb. I'm going to say that.

Confusing at a minimum. Then we talk new polling about Americans' political views that I think should and could. pour some cold water on some trendy media narratives that I'm a little bit sick of. And Alyssa, I know you're sick of the trendy media narratives too. Epstein files. Are they going away? Nope.

Nope, they're not. Not going to let them. We're going to talk about the continuing drip, drip, drip from the files. We're also going to talk a little bit about how Pete Hegseth wants a military of all shaved and buff men. totally normal thing. And how no one clapped for him. Nobody clapped. And then, of course, we get to Sani Petty.

You're listening to Hysteria, the podcast for people who would never be fooled by AI videos of themselves promoting conspiracy theories. What on earth? That was so weird. So... Really bad. This past week on Sunday, I believe, Donald Trump reposted an AI-generated video of himself promoting a med-bed conspiracy theory, which I don't even quite get.

I had to dig into the med bed. It's a QAnon thing. It's a QAnon thing, but what is it? Is it like magical hospital beds? No. What? It's a QAnon theory that like the horrible libs have these secret... like secret medical beds that grow back limbs and things. Yeah, it's crazy. I was like, what is this? Because honestly, Erin, at first I was like, what is MedBed? Can I get a membership? And then I was like, oh my God, this is so insane.

They think that we can grow back. Yeah, there's like there's some component of it where they think that like in these beds you can grow back limbs and like completely be regenerated. You know what? If you are somebody who has a uterus, you can grow limbs in your. med bed uterus hypothetically you too you have your own med bed yeah it's like a it's a natural med bed i think technology a lot of times is just an attempt to commodify something that happens naturally but worse and more expensive

Every time they do something, I'm like, there's always like a little bit of something. I was like, wait, don't they know only like starfish and livers regenerate? Yeah. What are they doing? Yeah. I also like, I remember once I was working like a few. I was working at this like publication that is since it's now defunct. And I think it might have been a front, a front entity for like a surveillance.

Fair enough. Regardless, I was working. Early days of the internet. I was working there and we would cover tech. And one time I had to like do a write-up of a video about 3D printed food. And I was like. You mean like vegetables? Like what plants do? We already. That's how. What? Like why? Anyway. But you know what? Google is on it. Now AI Assist will not allow you to search for Donald Trump and dementia.

They turned off AI-assisted search for Donald Trump and dementia. But I saw somebody on TikTok made that into a great tip. If you want to get real Google search results without AI, just add Donald Trump dementia to the end of your search, and you'll only get real search results. results so you'll be like okay all right you'll be like um what's the best dryer without a wi-fi connection donald trump dementia and then you'll just get the real results who knew i know Pretty cool. Well.

Well, anyway, the government's shut down. Government's shut down. Parts of it are. Yeah, parts of it are. Parts of the government are shut down. As of 12.01 Wednesday, today we record Wednesdays, the government has officially shut down. The lapse in funding comes after Congress failed to reconcile.

over differences in health care funding. There is so much crap going around that people don't understand. So Trump and Republicans falsely, this is not true, claimed that Democrats shut down the government to fund free health care for undocumented immigrants. It's exhausting. It also is like a tell of...

how they think Americans tick. Like, they think that, like, it is worth bringing everything to a screeching halt to prevent this one out group from getting services in their imagination. Like, they think that being like, they're going to do something for the undocumented. people is going to be enough justification for like red staters to be like oh yeah fuck that I don't want anything done for those people you know and that's just I don't know soul rot

It is so raw. In reality, the Democrats' budget proposal would have just extended Affordable Care Act subsidies that were set to expire at the end of the year and roll back Medicaid cuts in the tax cut and domestic policy law signed by President Trump in. July. I don't think people realize how bad that's going to be. It's premiums. There are a lot of different theories, but there are some that say that premiums could as much as double. Yeah. I don't think that people are.

ready for that. As it is right now, you know, health insurance, even good health insurance isn't actually that good. When I was first working and had a health insurance coverage, I remember that everything was covered 90%. or something. And I think I worked at Merrill Lynch, and it even covered abortion. I know that because it covered my abortion. And then we also had a government bailout, and so I was like, thanks, taxpayers. Right. But it...

I don't think people understand. As health care has been less good, health insurance has been less good, It's getting to a point where it almost makes sense to just be like, okay, well, I'm not going to have health insurance at all, and I'm just going to pay out of pocket. And in a lot of cases—

That actually is cheaper. If you just go to the doctor and you're like, what's the cash price for this? Right. You'll actually pay less than you would pay with your insurance. But if something catastrophic happens. Exactly. Terrible. I just feel like. The American health care system is already in like kind of it's like entering a death spiral. Yeah. And this shutdown is going to hit.

HHS also particularly hard. So the government shutdown goes hand in hand with the administration's plan to reduce the federal workforce. Last week in a memo shared with Politico, the Office of Management and Budget... old Russ, instructed agencies to prepare reduction in force plans for mass firings during a possible government shutdown. This will go beyond standard furloughs, permanently eliminating jobs in areas where funding has lapse. Here's how this works.

in a government shutdown, only essential employees are kept on. And in most cases, they're kept on. They're not being paid, but they're supposed to get back pay when the shutdown is over.

This is what we talked about back when the government almost shut down last spring. This is like the easiest roadmap for how to fire people that are deemed non-essential. Yeah, but also I think that this administration, like, there's something that we see a lot happening with this administration. We've got the schemers, and then we've got the guy that can't shut the fuck up.

Schemers are like your Russ Vots or whatever. Or like the project. You know, he actually has some trouble shutting the fuck up, too. Yeah, he does. But like, what... Could happen. The government would have some plausible deniability if they just did this and shut the fuck up. But what they're doing is this and not shutting the fuck up. And I actually got a tip from a listener yesterday who is associated with HHS. And they're getting like blatant Hatch Act violations in their email box. Really?

Here, I'm going to read you some of this email that went out to a lot of HHS people. HHS employees, President Trump opposes a government shutdown and strongly supports the Enact HR 5.

which is a clean continuing resolution to fund the government through November 21st and already passed the U.S. House of Representatives. Unfortunately, Democrats are blocking the continuing resolution in the U.S. Senate due to unrelated policy demands. If congressional Democrats maintain... their current posture and refuse to pass a clean continuing resolution to keep the government funded before midnight on september 30th 2025 federal appropriated funding will lapse um

That seems to me like a Hatch Act violation. It's dancing the line. Right? Yeah, yeah. Hatch Act is that government entities are not supposed to— be doing political work. And by spreading untruths about the Democrats and promoting Donald Trump's agenda, it seems like any firings or layoffs that happen as a result of this...

We'll probably end up in court because somebody couldn't shut the fuck up. You know what I want to see while we're talking about this? I want to see if they shut down the whitehouse.gov website. No. So this is the thing that we talked about. back when this almost happened, is that, you know, when we, so I oversaw two government shutdowns during our time.

Longest one was in 2013 during Obama. Trump presided over the longest shutdown ever in 2018. And he's even more unfettered now. So like when a government is supposed to shut down, there's sort of like manuals for each of the agencies about how you follow and what happens. But there is no, I mean, I have no thought that Trump's going to follow any of them. So he's just going to make things as painful as possible and use the government as his absolute political weapon.

And I also want to point out that this is Donald Trump, whenever he is in hot water. The way that he distracts his base or like gullible people is by beating up on black women. That is literally his bag of trick. Right. He attacks Democrat cities that just so happen to have a black female mayor. He attacks Democratic congresspeople who just so happen to be black women. He he spreads.

falsehoods and untruths. He calls people low IQ individuals. He really loves to just beat up on black women. And I think that this attempt to... to demonize and terrorize, in the words of Russ Vought, for the federal workforce is another way that Donald Trump is like beating up on black women. Yeah. And I think that... It's something that some people are talking about. There are a lot of black women represented in the federal workforce.

But I don't think mainstream media is, like, making the connection. Like, this is just another part of his playbook of just, like— Well, it's this, and he doesn't want the Epstein files voted on. He does not want the Epstein files voted on so badly that Mike Johnson is refusing to swear in— Oh, 100%. A duly elected Democrat who would be the 218th signature. Like, she's going to get sworn in eventually.

So, Erin, to the Hatch Act point of a few minutes ago, actually, if you wait a second, it loads. And there is a scroll at the top of the White House website that says, Democrat shutdown. Democrats in their own words, and they have a video you can watch. And then it says Democrats have shut down the government and there's a clock. I mean, doesn't it benefit?

President Trump to not have a functioning government because that does also probably delay the Epstein files release. Yes, that's true. Hey, Claire or Caroline, call the 202, the main number at the White House, and see what the operator says. We're real loosey-goosey today. I like it. Come on. It's like, let's let it ride. But, you know, it's not great, Erin. FAA, if you're flying.

This is the thing. Trump is doing what he did the last time. So in our shutdown, people actually didn't come to work for a lot of agencies. Trump keeps everyone working, but they don't get paid. So the TSA agents, remember last time? They all had like a mass call out.

They called out sick. They all called in sick, yeah. Right. And same with some of the FAA, which includes, you know, air traffic controllers. So if you read the letter of what they're doing, it's like, well, this doesn't seem that bad. A lot of things are open. No. Last time they left the national… parks open, remember? And people went in and terrorized the trees at Joshua Tree because they leave them open, but they've just pulled back any of the sort of-

you know, customer facing staff. I heard that they had a graffiti problem at Zion National Park when that happened too. And like when I was there, I think I drove past the site of some of the graffiti and they were still like trying to. get rid of some of it. Right. And if I'm Democrats, it's like I just keep seeing a nonstop stream of people on CNN and MSNBC. Gross. I get it. Okay. Okay. Everyone wants to be on TV, but please.

local drive time radio. You should be in your district pointing out everything that has stopped or is slowing down because of this and blaming the Republicans because Donald Trump has like the biggest bully pulpit.

out there. And so I really think that Democrats, look, some people should be on cable, but... More people are listening to the radio. Most people should not be on cable. I'm just going to say that. Most people should not be on cable. I agree. I think that there is—I completely agree with you. They should be in their districts. They should be talking to people. They're a familiar face.

ostensibly, they got elected, you know, they should be going back and be like, look, what are we supposed to do? They control all three branches of government. What are we supposed to do? That's the other thing. Repeat that over and over. It's like if you were, if you were...

got in a in a drunk somebody was driving drunk and you were like sitting in the backseat of the car and you were like hey don't drive drunk and then they got in a drunk driving they got pulled over for drunk driving you wouldn't get a ticket Like, you know what I mean? Like, it just doesn't make any. I mean, whatever. That was like a bad analogy, bad pitch, but whatever. It's like they I don't understand how the messaging.

that this is a Democratic shutdown works unless you really already want to believe that it's a Democratic shutdown and you just want someone to repeat your beliefs back to you. And the Democrats should be explaining the Obamacare stuff like in painful detail so people get it because.

A lot of people who are on Obamacare still don't realize that they're on Obamacare. Right, because we had to change the name. Yes. The Affordable Care Act. Right. But a lot of people who purchase their insurance through their state exchanges. or who are on Medicare, Medicaid, whatever. They don't realize that what they are using for their health care is something that is right now about to explode in cost. Yeah.

Yeah, it's going to get ugly. And the reason the Democrats have to explain it is because so much of what's happening won't be felt today, right? For Obamacare, it's like the letters are about to go out. The premiums would, I think, go up in December towards the end of the year. So people are like... well, you know, people don't feel it right now. So you have to like forecast what they're going to feel. You can't just be like, it's going to be bad. Like people need to explain better. Yeah. Yes.

Yeah. Wait, it's Levitt's voice? I knew it. I knew it, you guys. I knew it. Thank you for calling the White House comment line. Hello, America. This is White House Press Secretary Caroline Levitt. Democrats in Congress have shut down the federal government because they care more about funding health care for illegal immigrants than they care about serving you.

people. Until Democrats vote for the clean, Republican-backed continuing resolution to reopen the government, the White House is unable to answer your call or respond to your questions. We look forward to hearing from you again very soon. And in the meantime, please know President Trump will never stop fighting for you. Thank you and God bless you. I can't tell you how out of bounds that is.

Thank you, and God bless you. Okay, so just let's clarify. Let's hit this again. Patty Murray. Senator Patty Murray explained, undocumented immigrants are not eligible to enroll in federally funded health coverage under existing law.

or Democrats' funding proposal. But millions of American citizens will see their health care premiums double next year if the Republicans keep refusing to act. Another thing is, the people—the reason that they're saying that— undocumented people, like Democrats want to fund undocumented people, is because the Democratic proposal allows for people who are here lawfully.

Lawfully. So Democrats are—Republicans are using some, like, snaky little language to imply that DACA recipients and asylum seekers and people who have refugee status are here unlawfully. But they are—like, they are here— They're implying that everyone who is here, who is not a citizen, is not here legally. Like, that is so insidious. I think that we should also look at the thing behind the thing. They want to define...

Anybody who is not from here and a citizen. Right. As like a foreigner that does not deserve any government services. Do you know, back in 2013, I wrote the message for the operators. And it went something to the effect of, due to a lack of government funding, we're unable to take your call right now. We didn't, it wasn't the, it wasn't the Boehner shutdown or whoever, it must have been Boehner back then, but like.

Wow. Yeah. That is. You can practically hear the muscles in Caroline Levitt's nostrils tensing as she flares her nostrils like a little piggy. All right. We're going to take a quick break. When we come back, more news. Hysteria is brought to you by One Skin. Alyssa, what do you personally like the most about One Skin?

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credit card. Great brands, great prices. That's why you rack.

And welcome back. You're listening to Hysteria, the podcast for people who will not be uploading their medical data to the TrumpRx website that was just announced. What could go wrong? Nothing. Tell Peter Thiel about when you're having your period. Tell Donald Trump about what medicines you're on. I think it's perfectly safe. Okay. Can I just say something? What the fuck is going on with Ezra Klein?

What's going on? Don't get me started. I don't like to be too like inside media navel-gazy or whatever, but Ezra Klein is ostensibly... a left-wing person, center-left guy. Yeah, 100%. But he's recently, ever since the assassination of Charlie Kirk, has been very much in, I'm not like the other libs, I'm a cool lib mode. I mean, truly. And I kind of hate it.

I don't know what he's doing. The day after Charlie Kirk died, Klein wrote that Kirk was practicing politics the right way, both in the headline, which, you know, listeners, if you've never worked in media. People don't always write their own headlines, but that line itself was also in the article, okay? He wrote that. He approved that final verbiage. Like, ugh. In his whole article, he fails to communicate at all what Kirk stood for.

He just kind of uses these broad strokes. He doesn't quote anything that Kirk actually said. And in response to Klein's column, Writer Ta-Nehisi Coates pointed out that the most telling detail in Klein's column was that for all his praise, there was not one single word in the piece from Kirk himself, which is true.

So Klein and Coates kind of had like dueling columns, but they're buds, right? Because that's kind of how things work. The two sat down for a New York Times podcast. I listened to it. The conversation is over an hour long, covers a lot of ground, but it feels like, I don't know, Alyssa.

You listen to this conversation. Part of it. It just feels like Klein is perpetually arguing semantics and carving out like what I meant by practicing politics the right way was actually blah, blah, blah, blah. And kind of like weaseling his way into this like. what are you even saying kind of place. And Coates is righteously like,

This is some bullshit. But another thing that Klein hits on in the conversation is that Democrats should run more pro-life candidates in red states. Okay. Here's the thing about that. Okay. Fuck that. Do you remember in 2017 when Ben Ray Lujan was the head of the DCCC and Ben Ray Lujan had a press conference where he was like, abortion should not be a litmus test. What the fuck? I remember that.

Okay, you remember because we covered it back then because it was fucking crazy. But the issue is whenever they want to say that they like to make the tent bigger, the one thing everyone always says that we need to do. You know what? Let the pro-lifers in. Here's the thing.

I am fine with a pro-life candidate if they're pro-choice for everybody else. Right. But that's what pro-choice is. You can be somebody who is like morally— That's my point. Yeah, like Joe Biden was morally uncomfortable with abortion. Yes, fine. As a devout Catholic, he was uncomfortable. with it. But he was pro-choice because he understood that his morals around this one thing should not dictate the bodily autonomy of half of the U.S. population. And it is wild.

to me because we see poll after poll that says how not just accepted, but what approval abortion access has across the country. So it is flummoxing to me, Erin, as to why. When people want to be like, we should reach across the aisle and we need to open up the party. Why is this the issue they pick? You know what? I would love for him to say on a show like this that, you know what? We need to be a lot more flexible on gay marriage in this party. Really? Yeah.

Like they would never. And they shouldn't. I mean, like that's like, like there are just certain things that I'm like, no, I feel like there's some. fundamental principles here that we're all sort of on board with. Right, right. Like, we should let people into the party who are okay with the military being turned on civilians. Why don't we let them...

Let's let them in the party. Right. As if that is an affirmative position they hold. Right. I mean, it's just—it's something that I've noticed as a woman who has— Not always enthusiastically, but always regardless because they were just the best choice sometimes compared to who they were running against. I've always voted for Democrats.

Of course. I think a couple times I voted for, like, lefty independents or, like, democratic socialists or whatever. But for the most part, I'm not, like, naive enough to throw away my vote on a third-party candidate. Of course not. But I've also noticed that— Men who are Democrats often are very, very comfortable bargaining away the rights of the Democratic base, which is women.

Women. Which is crazy when you think abortion outperformed Donald Trump less in 2024. Yes. What in Florida? And from 2018. Well, 2018 was like a very women-driven midterm. But post-Dobbs, the winning streak of abortion-related ballot measures is...

is crazy. Like, there have been a few losses, like in Florida, you mentioned. But for the most part, abortion is something that people want legal access to. People are uncomfortable with the government regulating it away because we're seeing in Texas, we're seeing in Idaho, we're seeing in other red states that there is really no way for legislators who have no medical training to write laws.

governing what people who do have medical training should be doing in life and death situations. Like it is, it is, and I don't think a lot of people realize that like abortion care. And the abortion, the procedure that is used on elective abortions. So just no health reason, just a woman doesn't want to be pregnant. And that's why she's having an abortion. It's the same thing that is used to treat miscarriages. So like in red states now, doctors are not being trained.

treat miscarriages. It is just like, and lawmakers seem to just be responsive. It is the idea that the bodily autonomy of of women is something that we can be like, you know what? Let's consider, let's consider this. Let's be fluid on this. Let's consider this. Like, fuck no, dude. Abso-fucking-lutely not. Especially. Today. You know what I mean? I could almost maybe forgive Ben Ray Lujan for 2017. I mean, he's come a long way. But like in that moment.

Because people were like, I don't know, maybe things are still okay. Things are 100% not okay now. You can't even pretend. So just – Shut up on this one. I also think that there is a very specific type of person who has the audacity to suggest that other people's rights are up for debate. And it's...

They're usually white guys. I'm just going to say. They're usually white guys that are like, well, what if we, you know, what if we— You know, one of the funnier things, because, you know, Ezra had on Ben Shapiro. Yeah. Before that. Ben Shapiro, who thinks that it's medically wrong for a woman to get wet during sex. Yep. Well, so Tim Miller is talking to Susan Rice about the Ben Shapiro and Ezra interview. And he asks, he asks Susan.

Tim's like, so Susan, I want to talk to you about this interview with Ben Shapiro and Ezra Klein. She's like, no. Like, there is no better, Erin. We need to do this more. She just didn't. She just said no, and she stopped talking. I'd be like, okay. And she's like, no. Just why? No. I really respect him for asking the question, though. And I respect Susan for doing the thing we're always taught. Just stop talking. Yep. You can shut the fuck up. Shutting the fuck up is always an option. Clutch.

Shutting the fuck up is always an option. I realize the irony of me saying that on a podcast, but it is always an option. Let's talk a little bit about the popularity of abortion. There's some new polling out that I think is really interesting. And I think... People should consider these results as they're digesting.

Media coverage of the American political landscape. The 19th News published their fourth annual poll with SurveyMonkey to gauge the state of opinions in America. Here are some of the most interesting findings. Trump approval overall sits at 43%. Although the approval is much lower among women, 35% versus men, 52%. It's big.

Men are the problem. I mean, that's a big delta. They're the fucking problem, man. And the gender approval gap is the largest for Gen Z, 26% versus 47%. So only 26% of Gen Z women approve of Trump and 47% of Gen Z men. Approve of Trump. Something I find interesting about that is that there has been a lot of enthusiastic coverage of Gen Z becoming conservative. Mm-hmm.

They are more conservative than millennials, but to paint them as a conservative generation, they are less conservative overall than the population of the U.S. You know what I mean? And the men are the problem. The men are the problem there. But even Gen Z men, who have now been painted as like manosphere poisoned, you know, whatever, losers, they still approve of Trump less than— the overall population. So, like, I understand, like, I think that there's, it's valid to consider why Gen Z men

are more conservative than we would expect them to be, given, like, overall trends of youth and conservatism. But I also think, like, let's not get over our skis here. Like, they're not, like, approving of him at, like, 60%. You know what I mean? They're not, like—they're not all, you know, calling him daddy. They're not—

You know, it's just like, let's just grain of salt. I mean, it's exciting to do a feature about a conference of Gen Zers who are like, we're hot Republicans. And like, that's fun. But like, let's not lose sight of what's really going on. Right.

One-third of respondents to the poll cite inflation and the cost of living as the most important issue right now. Gen Z Hispanic women are the only subgroup whose top priority is not inflation, it's immigration. What do you make of that, Alyssa? Makes sense. Right? I mean. I think that when you ask people things like, do you like this or do you not like this? I think that polling is.

Pretty accurate. But when you ask people to name issues, I don't know that people can be trusted to tell the truth about what's really going on, either on purpose or subconsciously. I think people say inflation because they think they should say inflation or it's the first thing that comes to mind for them. But that's just me.

That makes sense. Nearly two-thirds of Americans think abortion should be legal. Hello. We've been saying this because everybody says this. Higher among women than men. Ugh. Fine. Of course. Sure. Fuck. Fuck you. Okay, you know what? My stance now is we are going to outlaw Viagra. Unless you have a... A doctor who has prescribed you authentically with ED not related to age. So if you're like a young person dealing with ED.

Some sort of trauma. Yeah, some sort of trauma-related thing. There's a physical issue. But if you're just fucking old, sorry, man. No. No. You're not meant to bone. After a certain age, and if you're blessed with a dick that continues to work, good for you. But far be it from us to interfere with God's will.

for you to not fuck. Do something else. Get into building ships inside bottles. Do puzzles. Get an old man. Pick up garbage from the side of the road. Make yourself useful. We do not need old men fucking. And that is the main plank. my political party platform. I feel okay. That's the errand party. Regulate the fucking men. Anyway, I mean, I'm only being like partly sarcastic because it sounds as ridiculous to me when I hear men that are like, I'm pro-wife. Like, fuck.

You. Fuck you. Okay. Only a small percentage of Americans think the government should restrict the use of IVF. 10%, that's still more than I thought. I actually thought it was pretty low. Really? You thought it'd be more? Yeah. Yeah, I think it's pretty low. Only 6% think the government should restrict... hormonal birth control. And only 13% think emergency contraception should be restricted. And it's all like 13% for EC, 6% for hormonal birth control, 10% for IVF. Those are tiny percentages.

And they all overlap, I'm sure. They all overlap. And also, like, let's pause for a second and think about how overrepresented these viewpoints are in places like the Supreme Court. Congress, the executive branch, like it is frightening how out of step. People who are like in positions of power are with regular people when it comes to issues of like sexual health and wellness and reproductive care. Yep. That's fucking bananas. One third of Americans support the Trump administration's effort to.

dismantle the Department of Education. I was confused. I don't know what I think about this one. Does it feel like a lot or a little? I think it feels like a lot. Well, so 43% approve of Trump, right? Right. Unless, like, 35% support the Trump administration's efforts to dismantle DV. So... That means that there are some people that support Trump but not his effort to dismantle the Department of Education. Right. But I just felt like this is, I don't know, 35% still feels like a lot.

I think that if you ask those 35%, what does the Department of Education do, they wouldn't be able to tell you. Fair enough. And the other thing is, too, is like none of this has really happened yet. You know, so they're supporting something in theory. based on what people say will happen when they do this, but a lot of this is not really.

A lot of their cuts haven't been enacted yet. Right. And I think that people that support Donald Trump are likely to believe his, like, bullshit, even though he's a liar who lies about literally everything. I bet they heard what he said. He said it would be good, so I believe it's good. Right.

Cult's going to cult. About half of Americans think that we should be worried about the impact of falling birth rates in the U.S., though only a third believe that young people should prioritize having a family before other goals. Six in 10 men and four in 10 women believe that society would benefit from a return to traditional. gender rules oh really you mean the roles that benefit you at the expense of everyone else you fucking asshole oh god I'm gonna burn my bra this sucks

I think, you know, I'm going to just say this. I know that I sound like a pronatalist. And, you know, I do think that the impact of the falling birth rate is important. I do, too. We need social security money. Social security money, but also the human infrastructure that is going to support people as they age. Who's going to get you in and out of bed at the nursing home when you're 80? Another 80-year-old? Another 80-year-old? People don't have kids.

Like, I think it's really bad for people to have children and expect those children to care for them personally as they get old. Like, that gives me the ick, right? Like... But when I say who's going to take care of you when you get old, I mean like somebody else's kids are going to have to. Right. Someone who's got to have a job and their job is to take care of you. Right. Somebody needs – so like –

A catastrophic population collapse is going to leave a lot of people in very dire straits, especially with an aging population. There's going to be a lot of loneliness. People are going to be taken care of by robots and never touched by humans. So, like, I think that, like, I don't mind the birth rate just, like, having a gentle soft landing, you know? Right, but going off a cliff is not good. Going off a cliff is probably not good. Alyssa, what from this poll was the most— Striking to you.

I mean, mostly just that the abortion number keeps staying the same. It's been this for years now. And it's like you said, it's the number outpaces what politicians are doing.

So almost every demographic cited inflation as their largest concern. I've gone on the record of saying, like, I don't think I think that they just said something. I don't think that people's like issue based responses are reliable, but like. How can politicians speak to this inflation issue? Like how can they make people feel better? I don't know.

How do we make them feel better? I mean, I think, well, one, acknowledging it, right? Like that's part of the problem. People are like, well, Republicans are like, it's not bad. Everything's great. I think this will be their downfall. Because the more that you say something is great and something is fine. the more people feel that you

The way that Trump got people to vote for him was grievance. And he said, you're doing poorly because no one cares about you, but I care about you. Well, now he's here. People aren't doing any better. As a matter of fact, a lot of people are doing worse. And so what's he doing? He can't tell people they're fine when they're not fine. So I think that that's, you know.

The more the Democrats can be like, listen, we hear you and we know that this, this, and this, the childcare costs, that food, you know, that insurance, that healthcare, that these are all out of bounds, that you're doing worse today than you were five years ago. And here's our plan to help you. I think that.

would help, you know, clarity. Yeah, I mean, it's interesting because didn't the Biden administration kind of made this mistake literally a year ago when people were like a little, maybe a year and a half ago when... All the economic indicators were like—the macro indicators were like, things are fine, and people were not actually feeling fine. But the Biden administration messaging was like, no, actually, the economy is doing well. And, like, I get why they chose to—

do that. But I also think that there's a lesson to be learned from that, which is that, look, there are macroeconomic indicators that look great right now, but clearly people are being left behind. The stock market is the worst indicator. of the actual health of the economy, the families. But number go up, Alyssa. Number— No, I'm just saying. I'm just saying.

Yeah, it's not good. I think only like 50% of Americans are even like sort of invested. And very few people like actually own individual stocks. Most people are just invested as part of a pension. Yeah, a pensioner, a 401k, and 401k funds are managed by professional fund managers and whatever. It's like, yep. Anyway, speaking of abortion being popular, Alyssa.

Last week, Erin, after the horrific Tylenol circus, RFK Jr. told Republican states that the FDA will start a new review. of abortion medication. Great. Reproductive health advocates are saying that this could lead to major restrictions on the most common abortion method. What do you think about that? I mean, we knew this was coming, right? Of course.

Of course. And it sort of reminds me of that saying, it's like, first they laugh at you, then they blah, blah, blah. When the Trump administration version one was first challenging Mifepristone. The abortion medication or one component of the abortion medication. Right. In court when they made up a fake doctor organization that just so happened to be in the same town as a judge that they were sure would issue the craziest possible ruling and were eventually.

like smacked down like no you can't do this and they tried all of this reasoning that was insane like there were like dentists signing on to it being like this is causing me harm and one of the doctors who like one doctor or one judge I think in the I don't remember which circuit, but when a federal judge said like, well, you know, when people don't have babies, that causes pain because people like babies. Like there was all this like. Oh, I remember that. Yeah, there was all this like insane.

like reachy reasoning and it was like And it was so silly at the time. Like if you listen to any like legal podcast or you talk to any lawyers or anybody, it was always like, this is so fucking silly. Well, now they're doing it. They're going to keep trying it until it gets less silly because we've heard it.

But Erin, also, how many times have we said, of course they were going to do this, they were always going to do this, because for the anti-abortion movement, they need people to be going to clinics. They can't... protest you when you get it in the mail. They can't make a scene. They cannot fundraise using their crazy scenes in front of Planned Parenthoods if people don't need to go into them.

I mean, that's true. And also, they're targeting mifepristone, which is, it's not the only way to perform a medication abortion, but it is the, it's like safer and it causes less side effects than. another version, which is just a double dose of mesoprostol, which is the second medication you take. But mifepristone also has important uses. It's used alongside—it's used when, like, you're in labor.

to prevent hemorrhages. This is not to gross you out, but when I had... I can't be grossed out. Okay, good. When I had my second baby, you know, she came out and, you know, whatever, I like... It was great. It was like a very positive birth experience. But I'm like, hold it. They put her on my chest and I'm holding her. And Josh goes, that's a lot of blood. Because like after you, when you have birth is a bloody, bloody.

thing. And a lot of like serious birth complications come from hemorrhaging because like you naturally lose a ton of blood. When you're pregnant, you gain like pounds of blood. It's disgusting. It's crazy. You're like a wood tick. But then like, but then like in birth, some comes out, but sometimes too much comes out and you can like, it can easily go south. My cousin almost died of a hemorrhage during.

a childbirth in a hospital. Like it is crazy. And mifepristone is an important way to control hemorrhaging. So, you know, even if RFK Jr. and his like quack FDA decides to like make mifepristone like a controlled substance so doctors have to get special permission in like situations like that you do not have time for a doctor to like run and unlock it you know and like take it out and sign sign sign do you remember down

South, they were actually doing drills to see how much time it took in that instance for someone in the emergency room to run to where this medicine is stored in a secure location, get it and bring it back. That's crazy. People are going to die because of this. And also, like, it is becoming what they're doing is assuming. that women are going to continue to have sex with men and let them just fill in full of jizz, given the risk of like, I'm sorry, but I'm just like...

It is a serious topic, and sometimes I— We reserve that for Maxwell. Sometimes I deflate—that's true, Chiss. Sometimes I try—like, it makes me very angry to think about, like— The assumptions that people are making about women who have sex with men is that, you know, they'll just continue to do it and then they'll just change the...

change the safety of that sex and they'll change their options and then birth rate go up you know number go up and it's it's just not going to happen like what's going to happen is that like women are going to be like it's not worth it to have sex I don't want it. This is too risky. Too much downside. Yeah. What's the upside? The risk reward is not in anyone's favor. Yeah. Yeah.

Anyway, it's not looking great. According to CDC data, as of 2022, medication abortions account for 57% of abortions performed in the U.S., up from 19% in 2011. Hmm. Hmm. Huh.

All right, we're going to take a quick break. But before we do that, Alyssa, we have an announcement for our Virginia listeners. Yes, an alert, alert for our hysteria listeners. In Virginia, we wanted to let you know about three incredible women running to flip the House of Delegates seats and drive momentum for the top of the ticket.

to win a Democratic trifecta in Virginia. Stacey Carroll is running for District 64 around Stafford. She is a veteran, a CPA, and last year she was honored as the Spotlight Resource Foster Parent of the Year. So wonderful. Nicole Cole is running for District 66 around Fredericksburg. She is a member of her county school board and helped elect Democrats to flip her entire MAGA school board blue in 2023. She is a badass. Amazing.

And Leslie Mehta is running for District 73 southwest of Petersburg. She is a lawyer and the former legal director of the ACLU of Virginia. If you or anyone you know is in these districts, early voting has already begun to get involved in helping excellent. candidates like this, head to votesaveamerica.com. We'll be right back.

Hysteria is brought to you by article. Erin, what's your article situation these days? My article situation is resplendent. I don't know if that's the appropriate word. No, I love my article furniture. Actually, I was experiencing some writer's block earlier this week. I had to turn in a big script. And I went out. I was like, you know what? I got to switch it up. I was working from home. I just was like, oh, my God. I'm going to sit on my article couch on my porch.

Yeah. I took my little laptop. The couch is still like in great shape. I've had it for years. Our dog really loves it, but it's super easy to clean. And so I just sat there and I worked and I like banged the script out. And I don't know if it's because of article, but I am. Article helped.

Article helped. And I feel like now that place has like good work juju for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like the next time I'm having writer's block, I'm just going to go straight there. Go there. The other place I write, funny enough, is like sitting at my kitchen table. We have. Same. We have these.

article chairs that we just got that are gorgeous. And what I love is that the base of them is big because I'm like not a very good sitter. Like I need to sit with my legs like crisscross applesauce. Yeah, me too. So I sit there like I... it's like roomy enough that I'm not going to like tip off my own chair. I can like write really comfortably. Honestly, if you're a writer,

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Are you ready to get spicy? These Doritos Golden Sriracha aren't that spicy. Sriracha? Sounds pretty spicy to me. Um... A little spicy, but also tangy and sweet. Maybe it's time to turn up the heat. Or turn it down. It's time for something that's not too spicy. Try Doritos Golden Sriracha. Spicy. But not too spicy.

And welcome back. You're listening to Hysteria, the podcast for people who have considered this week how much money it would take them to participate in the Riyadh Comedy Festival. Alyssa, not that either of us are comedians, right? But no.

What's your fuck you amount of money? Like if like the Saudi royal family came to you and they were like, Alyssa, here's a check with X number of zeros on it. Will you come here and give a talk, but no making fun of the royal family? Like what's your fuck you amount of money? It was literally the right.

for this event was insane. All the things that they couldn't talk about. Yeah. No religion at all. No religion. Literally nothing about Saudi Arabia. Just keep that to yourself. So it's great to be here in... A place. In the Gulf region. I don't know if I have a fuck you amount of money. I mean, for this specific one or life in general? I think life in general. Like, what if— Okay, so what if— Ten? Toilet Paper USA came up to you or whatever. Okay. And was like, we want you to be, like—

The spokesperson? No, not like you don't have to go full Owens, but like you just like be like a skeptic. We'll pay you. And you have to be like skeptical of Democrats. You have to just like constantly be like. backdoor slamming. You have to be like saying, Oh yeah, I couldn't do that. Not for any amount of money.

No, I feel like I feel like that's like a karma thing because that's me lying. And then that's that's that view. That position would hurt people. Yeah, that's true. I mean, the Riyadh Comedy Festival, though. is, like, kind of, I don't know. I don't know. I mean, like, I don't know. Like, kind of who fucking cares, but also, like, Jamal Khashoggi, but also, like, you know. Yeah, a lot of people care. People in the prisons, journalists. Yeah, I mean.

tortured i mean 10 million dollars free and clear that's mine That's what I said. 10. For this, it would be 10. 10 million free and clear. Like, all the paperwork has been taken care of. Yeah, you're not paying taxes on that shit. 10. Yeah, everything else is just 10 even free and clear in my bank account. And then I'll do...

A lot of things. Do you know what this conversation just reminded me of? What? The scene from Succession where Greg comes and says his grandfather offered him a quarter of a billion dollars and he didn't take it, but it's okay because he'll get $5 million either way. And Tom is like, five million dollars.

You'll be the poorest rich man, the tallest dwarf. I mean, yeah, I did hear that the amount that they were paying was a lot for comedy sets. But the people that said no to it are like among my favorites. And so I'm feeling like. vindicated by good for them yeah no it's like good for you for standing up I don't think it was a 10 million dollars though I kind of would be like okay no 10 million dollars with no taxes is like I get it 1 million

You can't even buy a bungalow in Silver Lake for a million dollars. Are you kidding me? Not after tax, especially if there's taxes. No. You can literally, you can buy a tiny home in the valley. Like, what is that? Is that, was your soul worth that?

Anyway, let's talk about rich people with no souls. Steve Bannon, Elon Musk, and Peter Thiel are all named in copies of Jeffrey Epstein's daily schedules released last Friday by Democrats on the House Oversight Committee. None of the three are specifically linked to criminal activity. Prince Andrew, on the other hand, has more damning.

allegations against him problematic there's also flights to the epstein island and a potential payment for a massage when sky news tweeted a headline that read elon musk and prince andrew named in latest epstein files relief musk responded Shame on Sky News for this utterly misleading headline. Anyone pushing this false narrative deserves complete contempt. Epstein tried to get me to go to his island, and I refused. Yet they named me even before Prince Andrew, who did visit.

Why do you think that—do you know how the media—do you know how, like, press works? You're a famous—you're the richest guy in the world, and you're mentioned in the files of a pedophile. Your name is going to be in the headline, Elon, you dumbass. Also— Elon, let us not forget that it's even spicier because you were the one who tweeted all the Epstein when you and Trump were in your big fight, and it was like, wait for the files, wait for the files, like you did this to yourself. Yeah.

Hoisted by your own petard, sir. In very much a James Comey manner, because he kind of, in a way, set in motion a series of events that led to him being indicted, which is... interesting um so another thing elon musk's brother met one of his girlfriends through epstein that's like well known yeah like dude like did you expect to not be in the files also like have faith in the audience of this news article. Like, you might be mentioned in the files, but it—

In Elon's defense, it seems like he was only mentioned once and, like, it says, is this happening? Like, it's not definitive that he actually flew to the island. Plus, I don't think Elon Musk—I don't think his dick works. I mean, I just— That's entirely possible. I'm really making you uncomfortable today, Alyssa. Not really. No, you're catching me off guard. We're just vibing together. We're just vibing. You know what? Whenever we vibe like this.

To me, at the end of the recording, I'll have like a few minutes of like, that was great. Energy. I'm feeling so peaceful. Good energy. And then something fucking crazy happens. Like always something crazy happens. I hope it's not your septic tank. Oh.

I don't think I have a septic tank. I live in a city. Oh, good for you. Yeah. My friend just called me this morning, and she was having a terrible day. And then she was like, and my septic. Something's really wrong with my septic. I was like, it's a terrible thing to come home to. Oh, my God. Well, in adjacent news, the Supreme Court justices met on Monday.

speaking of sewage, human sewage, to discuss hundreds of appeals accrued during their summer recess, where I'm sure Sam Alito and Clarence Thomas went on— They paid for themselves. Some salmon trips with Paul Singer. Salmon trips and in like fancy RV vacations where everyone was just like annoyed that they had that giant thing in a campground. And so many flags. So many flags. His wife. is a flag hag. Glenn Maxwell's challenge to her criminal conviction is on the...

something being considered right now by the Supreme Court. Maxwell was convicted in 2022 of three counts relating to her role in assisting Epstein in recruiting and grooming his victims. She was sentenced to 20 years in prison. She claims that she does not Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. was illegal because it violated a Victims' Rights Act that required that the victims of Epstein be alerted before. Anyway, it's a whole thing, and we go into it.

in depth in our latest episode of This Fucking Guy, which you can find on youtube.com slash hysteria podcast. Because Galen's story drove me to the brink. It was crazy. It's crazy. Her dad. Top tier. And she should absolutely not be given a pardon. No. Fuck that. No. She's arguing that that illegal agreement applies to her and so she should get out of jail.

No, girl. Do you think that they're going to let her out of jail, though? Because this is the way that Trump lets her out of jail without letting her out of jail, you know? This is the interesting thing. He's caught between a real rock and a hard place, isn't he? Because if he lets her out, MTG and crew are not going to let that slide. This is the cover-up that they are correct once.

So I don't know. If I'm Trump, I make a deal with her that she sits and keeps chill in the lower security prison, and then he lets her out in like two years. That's what I would do if I were him. You think he's going to pardon her on his way out of office? Well, no, he's not leaving. Stop! I mean, I think that this is a way—the Supreme Court has long been a way for arch conservatives to isolate—

and insulate Republican politicians that rely on voters from extremely unpopular Republican agenda items. So like, you know, on one hand, Republicans can basically have their cake needed to. They can get their way. through the Supreme Court, and then also elected officials don't actually answer for the Supreme Court, even though they're all kind of like being played by the same puppeteers. I'm not—

I would not be surprised if SCOTUS lets her out. Wow. But they would do it at a time that was coordinated during a very noisy time, hoping that it would get like...

drowned out because I feel like, I don't know, I feel like a lot of stuff that happened this week was meant to, like, make as much noise as possible. Oh, 100%. Like, did you watch that? You watched the Pete Hegseth? It's fucking bonkers. Presentation. It was outrageous. It was, it was, it was a fucking cartoon. He is a evil cartoon.

To watch, so a couple things about that. Yeah, not only did I, I watched all of Hegseth, I watched all of Trump. Did you watch it on normal speed or did you speed it up? No, I watch it on normal speed because this is the downside of East Coast. I'm like, it was in real time. Terrifying displays of masculinity are best listened to at 1.5 speed or higher. Alvin and the Chipmunk. Because then at least it's like funnier because they're talking really.

It was, it was like, I mean, depressing, but it was kind of funny because it was so outrageous again, as we watched and we were like, This is all happening because Fox News couldn't just make this guy primetime. And now he's like – he thinks that he is some sort of like motivational – He just thinks he's so much more than he is. And I understand that he's like got the title. But those generals, you know, there were no reaction shots in the room of the generals listening to him.

But, man, he wrote in applause lines that clearly said hold for applause, and nobody applauded. I think he deeply offended people. I think he deeply offended people. If I were a high-ranking military official, just if I was like— No, if I was just like stationed somewhere else in like the podcasting fort in Japan or whatever. And like all of a sudden.

Jon Favreau was like, we're all flying back for an all hands and like you got to figure out, you know, leave your family, whatever. You're flying across the ocean and we're doing a meeting. And the meeting was just like somebody like new in the company telling me. Like, making all these statements. Like, I would be so annoyed that I had to just, like, fly commercial to do that. 100%. I would also be, like, probably jet-lagged, irritated, tired.

You probably had to make a whole contingency plan for whoever was going to do your job or, like, cover for you. Yes, exactly. Like, they did a ton of work, spent a ton of money to get them all in the same room. And be called fat. Oh, yeah, no. Pete Hegseth was like, listen, men. I want you shaved. I want you buff. And we're going to—because we're going to get rough in here. It's going to—we're going to be rough. Like, it was the—

It was the gayest thing I've ever heard. I'm going to say that. It was incredibly, it was so gay. Like everything he does is just steeped in homoeroticism. Him saying like, we don't want people to be fat. We want everyone to be like well-groomed. It's like, dude. just write a personal ad, you know? Well groomed. And he was just running around on stage like Richard Simmons at a fitness show. I mean, he...

with his like slicked back hair. It was, he is everything. And I saw some people online being like, those generals are complicit and they should quit. No. No. No. They should not. Please don't. They actually know what they're doing. We need them. They're like the last line of defense. You know what I mean? Imagine how offensive it is for them. Like they have been, they have devoted like their full-time job.

for decades in many cases, has been serving the U.S. military, right? And that has been all they do. They probably know the service inside and out. They know everything.

Everything. Everything there is to know. And this guy is a fucking Fox News, part-time Fox News host. I think the highest ranking he got was like... captain or something like he was not he's not a general he he was in the reserves and like good thank you for you know thank you for your service Hegseth but like the the condescending way that he spoke to people who

knew way more than he did. That's the thing. Like, I just think, I was reading some news coverage of it, of a person who covers the Pentagon. So they couldn't find any... person who was in attendance who thought it had a good time, who liked it. Who was like, oh, that was a good use of my time, and that really represented America well. Right. I think that Hegseth—

has the sort of brain rot that famous people get when they only hang out with people that tell them yes. And because he's one of the people that's in Trump's orbit, he's like one of the little circle of yes around Trump. And that yes circle is so like... like, really, like, so tight. He's like, he's not equipped to communicate with people who are not in that orbit. He doesn't understand that most people don't already agree with him.

Right. And so it's sort of like when you see a Silicon Valley person try to like... interact with people outside of the tech industry or like give a speech and they're so used to having like their dorky ass employees at the startup that does nothing like giving them standing ovations and shit but like around among normal people nobody really gives a fuck

Well, it's wild, too, that Pete Hegseth just showed up at the Department of Defense nine months ago, whenever it was, and was like, you just have to respect me because President Trump says, like, he's done nothing to earn anybody's respect. He's certainly not made decisions. I mean. Aaron, he literally stood in front of a group of people who read all about how he was just fucking group chatting war plans. Yeah. And they're like, you know, and he's like, listen. And then lying about it.

Right. With like the facts right there. I mean, they must think that he is such a fucking clown. He's absolutely a clown. And it also felt very Trumpian because it felt like that speech. It felt like it was written to be part of a screenplay.

Like a dumb screenplay. Yes. For people that don't know about how people in the military are supposed to talk to each other. And I'm no military expert, but I do like read the news. And I did learn that it's like not customary for people at military gatherings to like... applaud and show approval. They're supposed to just sit there and listen. He literally said, fuck around and find out. F-A-F-O. I mean— And honestly—

I guarantee you that I really hope that no one in that audience knew what it was because like they shouldn't because I hope they're not online. Yeah. I certainly don't think they would have that much time to be online. They're too busy like running various like. Keeping things chill. Yeah, bases. Yeah, it was this weird... And it was also funny that...

Hegseth was like, we're being so manly. We're going to be the manliest guys ever. And it's just so manly. We're going to do war fighting and manly stuff. And then, like, everyone's going to be skinny. Everyone's going to be shaved. And then, like, he introduces our...

Big, lard-ass president. Oh, my God. Here's the thing. When Trump said he was going to show up, Erin, I felt like 100%. I don't know why I thought this. But I thought he would go in and thank them and sort of be done. I didn't think he was. He gave them like a campaign stump speech with no response. Nobody, they barely, he made a joke about himself and they laughed a little bit, but then that was it. Yeah. He went on for over an hour. I would just be so annoyed. And I just.

I cannot see how that would be a good calculation. I think that it's a calculation that somebody who spends too much time in a very like somebody who spends too much time around people that don't tell them no. That's it. That's why you always need to have somebody in your life that's going to be like, fuck you, you're full of shit.

No matter how famous you are, no matter how powerful you are, you need to have somebody that you cannot fire who's going to tell you that you're full of shit sometimes. Because somebody who loved Pete Hegseth should have been like, Pete? This isn't going to go over the way you think it's going to go over. But don't you think secretly that the people who are surrounding him...

were like, yeah, do it. It's so smart. Because they hate him so much. I do think they hate him because it was leaked right after the meeting was announced and everyone was kind of scared. It was leaked that it was just basically one of those meetings that could be an email. Right.

Clearly was. Right. And it clearly was. And whoever leaked it was probably someone who was like, this fucking clown, I'm just going to leak this. Yeah, we're going to take the air out of his balloon. Yeah. Anyway, one more quick hit before we take a break.

Head towards Annie Petty. There's some more like wealthy sex pest stuff. The creeps abound. The creeps abound. It was a big week for creeps, and I don't know if it's like something in the air or the season or it's the Santa Ana winds, although I don't think that impacts the entire world. Errol Musk. Elon's dad. It was alleged that he was...

sexually abusing five of his children and stepchildren since 1993. The New York Times published an article detailing the complicated multi-generational family abuse. I really couldn't follow because like one of them was like his stepdaughter. Yeah, and she left and then she came back and they had kids together. And then he got married to this other. It's a very, very complicated. Suffice to say, Errol Musk seems like a real dickhead.

And like the only thing that makes me feel sad for Elon Musk at all is knowing what a dick his dad is. Yeah, like that had to have had some impact. Yeah, like did he stand a chance really to be a normal person? With a dad like that. I don't think so. Don't know.

I don't know. And one more thing. Fame financier Howard Rubin and his former personal assistant were arrested on Friday morning on charges of sex trafficking and transporting women across state lines for commercial sex acts over the course of a decade. It was kind of like a... Another Epstein story. It's like the exact structure. It's like they saw it somewhere. Except the women were of age.

And this involved like non-consensual acts occurring within the, like the women thought they were coming for like some sexy parties and then things were done to them non-consensually that were really like extremely fucked up. But it happened for like over the course of a decade. Ten years. That is. It's crazy. And he also is accused of hiring hitmen to target his victims. It's bonkers. That's – I thought that everyone knew that hitmen were just all FBI agents trying to entrap you into –

He's clearly never watched Sopranos or any good mobster movie. Right. I feel like a hitman is not someone you can just like... Like there's somebody you have to already know and they have to be like. You have to be like in a network. Yeah. Or you have to be like, oh, I'm complaining. I really need somebody. You need to know whatever character Ben Affleck has played in Southie. That is maybe the only.

person who can get you a hitman. I mean, it's absolutely crazy. But I think even threatening, I think that there's such a power differential between a, like, I don't know if he's a billionaire or a millionaire, but whatever. He's like very powerful compared to his victims. He's very millionaire. He's very millionaire.

And I think that if you're somebody who is a sex worker or somebody who is able to be trafficked for sex, you may not know that hit men are not probably going to come to get you. So just like the threat of that. Of course. It's fucking deranged. I just, something that I kind of think about is like, is wealth hoarding to the extent that some of these people hoard wealth?

A mental or personality disorder that also translates into thinking that other people are not actually human beings and can be used for whatever purposes. Because I feel like that. To me— They think everyone can be bought, that there's a price for whatever they want to do. Right. And if they pay enough money or if they have enough—

they have enough money, then they have the right to do whatever they want to whoever they want and not ever face punishment. I mean— He's going to face punishment. It seems like even if he doesn't get thrown in jail, he's been denied bail, which is— Yeah, he's been denied bail. The justification for denying him bail is like—

In no way would he—he wouldn't give up his passport. Like, he wouldn't give up his passport. Exactly. I was like, what the—like, literally, if you won't give up your passport, what are you saying? But also it made me think, is he like a really kind of like low-end loser? Like—

Most people would have like multiple passports. Like Jeffrey Epstein had like 20. Yeah, he had a bunch. He had one that said he lived in Saudi Arabia. What's going on with this Howard Rubin? It's like he doesn't even have a burner passport. I mean, I don't know. I'm just saying maybe.

Maybe he's... The poorest rich guy. The poorest rich guy. The poorest rich sex pest. With a sex dungeon. Yeah, yeah. Fucking gross. Final update, Oklahoma State Superintendent Ryan Walters. who we call the Oklahoma Gooner.

For reasons that we will explain. He was once a beloved history teacher, but when he pivoted into politics, he became best known for classics like integrating Christian nationalism into curricula and mandating Bibles in the classroom. Trump branded Bibles, by the way. Yep, Trump branded. He humiliated himself. There were multiple witnesses to this.

Walters accused the governor of doing a conspiracy against him, and there was an investigation that got opened. He just has continued to be just this kind of contemptible, like— He needs to like every time you see him speak, you're like, bring it down like five notches, dude. Oh, he's like a yappy cheerleading.

MAGA dog. He's really, he reminds me a little of Nancy Mace in that he's just like trying to get attention, trying to get Trump's attention. Hey, Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump. Look at me, look at me, look at me. Yeah. And it becomes sad because Trump doesn't really pay him that much attention. I don't know if he's ever, like, I don't know if he defended him during his problems. I don't know if he's truced him or anything. Yeah, and, you know, now—

It's announced criminal charges have been dropped. There was a theory that he accidentally turned on the Roku channel, and at that exact moment, there were boobs on it. So crazy. I don't buy that theory at all, especially since it was come up with by an Oklahoma legislator.

who was also a Republican, who probably was just, like, coming up with, like, ideas of what could have happened. Just whatever. I think he was looking at porn that's the simplest explanation, and him lying about it is just how he handles any adversity. down. From being state superintendent to become the CEO of the Teacher Freedom Alliance, a anti-union initiative of the Freedom Foundation, a conservative think tank. Around here we call that an astroturf organization. So like a...

group that is supposed to pretend to be grassroots but is actually not grassroots. He has... One thing that I find really funny about this is in his announcement that he was stepping down, he said, we will build an army of teachers to defeat the teachers' unions once and for all. You mean you're going to bring a union? You mean you're going to unify them? Like, how are you going to be anti-union and then try to unionize people against the union? That's just. He's a gooner. He's a gooner.

Oklahoma Gooner, good night, sweet prince. We won't miss you, but, you know, we look forward to seeing you on Fox News in approximately two years. He's already on Fox News. Well, no, I mean, like, they need a ginger host. They need some diversity. Oh, oh, yeah, oh, yeah. Yeah, it's been, I don't think they allow, do they allow gingers on Fox News?

I've never seen a ginger. Anybody who works for Fox News, hysteria at crooked.com. Let us know if gingers are allowed on your channel or if there's a like tacit understanding. An anti-ginger. An anti-ginger understanding. Okay, we're going to take a quick break. When we come back, Sandy Petty. Hysteria is brought to you by Aura Frames. Here is a really good gift idea. Like the holidays are coming up. I know that like... It's perfect. I think that...

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Before you go to bed tonight, you are doing this. That's so funny. I have like a note in my phone that is like Christmas gifts. And I started around the middle of the year where I'm like, this is what I'm getting for this person. Or here's an idea for this person. This is something they mentioned. This is something they need.

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It's time for something that's not too spicy. Try Doritos Golden Sriracha. Spicy. But not too spicy. And welcome back. You're listening to Hysteria, the podcast for people who, unlike Tinkerbell or Donald Trump, don't require applause to live. So good. Did you ever see the stage play of Peter Pan? I did. Where Tinkerbell's a flashlight? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we got to clap so that she, like, stays alive. I wonder what would happen if they did that for a military audience. Would Tinkerbell die?

There's an alternate ending to the play of Peter Pan that has never been performed because everyone always claps. That is very funny. And then the whole rest is just like... you know, Tinkerbell's succession plan and stuff. Okay, before we get to Sandy Petty, some announcements for the class. Attention, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins. over-enthusiastic friends of expecting parents. There are new onesies and toddler tees in the Crooked store that Alyssa and I helped come up with. So cute.

Have the baby in your life showing up all the other babies with our vaccinated but illiterate onesie. Or if you're more sentimental, one that says, someone who loves me very much got me vaccinated. Isn't that sweet? It's a scary time to be a parent, and it's a scary time to be a baby. If you're a baby genius, who can read the news? So dress the kids in your life in something cute that also makes a statement, and that statement is keep RFK Jr. away from me. Head to store.crooked.com to shop.

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All right, now let's get to Sani Petty. Alyssa, do you want to go first? Sani, Petty? How are you feeling? I'm Sanny. You're Sanny? I'm Sanny. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Because we were texting about this, but the new Aaron Sorkin take two of The Social Network. Mm-hmm. The Social Reckoning. Mm-hmm. Jeremy Strong. is playing Mark Zuckerberg. Genius. I can't think of anything better. I feel like it picks up at the end of Succession where we're left to wonder, is he jumping into the Hudson River?

Jeremy Allen White is in it. It centers around the whistleblower, Francis Huggins, Huggins, whatever her name is. I just, I feel like. I really need Aaron. I am ready for Aaron Sorkin's take on this, and I am ready to see Jeremy Strong win the Oscar for playing Mark Zuckerberg in a way that Mark Zuckerberg will not enjoy. Yeah. Jeremy Strong is one of his generation's greatest actors. He is an actor. He is an artist. You know what I mean? He is. He is dramatologically inclined. Yes.

Absolutely. I can't wait to watch that. I think it'll be good. I'm excited for the walk and talk, the Sorkin-esque walk and talk. There's going to be so many words in that screenplay. Just so many words. And they're all going to be good. I'm trying to see what...

Oh, my God. I'm older than Jeremy Strong. What? Yeah. When you were, like, of his generation, I was like, wait a minute. I think we might be the same age. And they're like, no, he's younger than me. Oh, my gosh. Well, he is a real talent. I cannot wait to hear or read the like profiles and articles written about this. It's going to be incredible. Because he is, he is. He's an odd duck, right? He is so dramatological that it's going to be great. He's going to insert Zuckerbergian tics.

into his answers to people. It's going to be hilarious. It's going to be so terrific. I can't wait. I will see that in theaters. Oh, my God. Speaking of Zuckerberg, there was a piece in the London Review of Books that people were discussing. It became part of the discourse about, like, are women making fun of the male loneliness epidemic? And it was very tiresome. But what was very funny was the piece from the London Review of Books is...

really good, and it describes Mark Zuckerberg's, like, makeover as his male-to-male transition. He did when he went all cram-a-gah and started— He looked like— He looks like he's wearing a costume. He looks like he's showing up to Halloween party, and I'm like, I don't know what he's supposed to be. It looks like the old Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Do you know what I mean? He just always looks like he's dressed up like a guy.

It's like, it's called not pulling it off, right? Will they give Jeremy Strong curly hair? Oh, I don't know. I can't picture it, but maybe. They will. Can't wait to see it. I don't know. I've got a kind of like sanny slash petty. So Kai Trump, who is, I think the oldest granddaughter of Donald Trump. So mad about this. She is like.

18, I think. She's 18. And she's an influencer, wannabe influencer. She made an announcement at the White House that she is launching a line of sweatshirts with embroidery on them. They cost $130 and they say TK, which is very funny.

because that's what I put in pieces when I don't know, when it's not completed. When I don't have something to say. Yeah, like if you're writing an obituary. TK, TK. Right, you're writing an obituary, right? And the person is still alive, but you're prepping it so that when they croak, you can just like... fill it in real quick and get it posted, right? So you write like, you know, so-and-so or TKTK at TKTK. He was TK years old. But so like the TK, the Kai Trump thing.

It's very funny to me. But here's the thing. It's the most unremarkable thing I've ever seen. It's a sweatshirt with initials on it. There's no fashion. The sweatshirts don't even look particularly well-sized. Like, they look very boxy.

And everyone being like, because, you know, Caroline Levitt addressed this. I don't know if it was by a statement or comments to the pool or whatever, where she was like, this is completely acceptable. We're not doing anything. She's just like at the White House wearing this. Okay, let me just. Quick story. Back when iPads came out.

Barack Obama got an iPad. And because we never wanted to be seen as endorsing a product, there was a special cover made for it, so it looked like a book, so nobody knew he had an iPad. Really? Yeah. Was there a title on the spine? No. It would be funny if the title on the spine was, this isn't an iPad. That would be funny. But we were like, no, you can't hold it up when so-and-so comes to the Oval. Like, no, you can't. Because, like, the truth is, yes, Kai is selling merch because it is on the –

Because the president let her wear it on Marine One when he was leaving the White House and it was all over and she wore it to the Ryder Cup, which was not America's finest hour. No. And I think it's terrible, but you know what I think is funny? When you had said, have you seen the Kai story?

I thought it was Kai Kushner. And so I Googled Kai Kushner. I would like you to know that Kai Kushner is a very famous surfer in California. Interesting. Interesting. I feel like Kai is also… But the funny thing is… Kai Kushner looks like Don Jr. What? So it took me a minute to get out of that rabbit hole. Wow, that sounds like a lot. And what's funny, you know, first of all, the...

The website, first of all, the TK sweatshirts are TK. They're not ready yet. You can pre-order them. You're just giving them your money first. Right now, you're just giving them your money. They're probably going to buy some crypto with it or whatever. But if you... If you take a look at the website, it's like made in USA, made in USA. Actually, no. The fabric is from Bangladesh. Yes. Designed in the U.S. Designed in the U.S. So...

Yeah. Maybe that's why they're $130. You got to figure in that tariff, the Trump tariff. Yeah, they're not, I mean, they're not like ugly, but they're just not, they're unremarkable.

They're lame. They're unremarkable. And also what's funny to me is... Kai Trump is not the first female in the Trump line to advertise products in the White House. During Trump 1.0, there was like, I remember Kellyanne Conway hawking Ivanka Trump's shoes stuff. Yeah. Yes. But that got in trouble. They actually got in trouble for that. She got in trouble for that. But Ivanka Trump, I think... I don't know. She's...

It seems to me that maybe I'm constructing a narrative in my mind, but that's fine because the narrative makes me smile. I think that she's seeing all the attention that Kai is getting and kind of misses being in the game. Is she getting in on it? She's like... doing some posting. And like there have been some news stories about her stepping out in New York. But what's funny to me is like in her Instagram posts in a couple places. First of all, she.

She captioned the Instagram post in a New York state of mind, which... What year is it, Ivanka? Come on. Like, is that... Come on. Like... It was dumb when influencers were doing that when Instagram was like a year old, right? Come up with a new caption. Like the big crapple or something like that. But she is fully still in girl boss mode.

She thinks girl boss mode is going to work for her at some point. She thinks girl boss mode is going to come back if she just keeps hammering at it. But, like, I don't know. It seems very, and we don't use this word anymore, but I'm using it. It seems very chuggy. Like her kind of like, I'm a businesswoman. It's like very Romy and Michelle's high school reunion. Also, her hair is very Romy and Michelle's high school reunion. Yeah. Do you have some kind of businesswoman special? Let's see.

I got to watch that movie again. That goes like this with your hair. Yeah. I don't understand what she's… getting at I think that she probably assumes that she will by the time her dad is no longer the president and the memory of his the awfulness of his presidency fades she will be an old woman And I will be an old woman too, but like I haven't spent my entire youth trying to market myself as this like fashion icon, like beauty icon, whatever.

I wonder if she realizes that. Like, by the time people aren't mad at her anymore, she'll be old. They've got that whole Saudi sovereign wealth fund money, so maybe she'll live forever. Maybe.

Maybe. Thank you, Alyssa, for that very uplifting. On that note, that is all the time we have for this week's episode of Hysteria. I love the ones where you and I just hang out. I like having guests. Yeah, we just did it. But I also kind of like just chit-chatting, just chit-chatting. Alyssa Mastromonaco, thank you for being my ride or die this week and every week.

Listeners, we love hearing from you. You guys are so smart. If you're impacted by the shutdown, if you've experienced any like shutdown related fuckery, if you've heard any whispers of like Hegsethian. you know, bad stuff, whatever, like get in touch with us, hysteria at crooked.com. A bunch of us check that email, so don't get too personal. And there will be more hysteria for you next week.

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production. Caroline Reston is our senior producer. Our executive producer is me, Aaron Ryan. And Alyssa Mastermonico is our co-producer. Claire Fogarty is our associate producer. The show is engineered and edited by Jordan Cantor. We get audio support from Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis.

Our video producers are Rachel Gajewski and Claudia Scheng. Matt DeGroat is our head of production. Adrienne Hill is our head of news and politics. Kendra James is our executive producer of culture and entertainment. And thank you to Daisy Cruz and David Toles for production and marketing support. every week. Our production staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East.

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