Dr. Liz: Hey everyone. Dr. Liz: Dr Liz here, I hope you're doing well today. Dr. Liz: It is a pretty regular day here in Dr Liz Dr. Liz: Land. Dr. Liz: Today I thought I would talk about my own Dr. Liz: personal experience with EMDR. Dr. Liz: I've run three episodes before this Dr. Liz: exploring EMDR versus hypnosis. Dr. Liz: So if you haven't heard those and you're Dr. Liz: interested, you can go back and listen to Dr. Liz: them. Dr. Liz: They would be HM 294, 295, and 296.
Dr. Liz: So this is HM 297. Dr. Liz: Hypnotize Me 297. Dr. Liz: Coming up on 300 episodes here, that's a Dr. Liz: lot. Dr. Liz: So while I was doing these interviews about Dr. Liz: EMDR and hypnosis, I was seeing a therapist. Dr. Liz: I am seeing a therapist right now. Dr. Liz: I just recently did the interviews and I Dr. Liz: didn't realize that she did EMDR. Dr. Liz: Seen her for a couple of months actually, Dr. Liz: because I'm going through some big Dr. Liz: transitions.
Dr. Liz: My youngest daughter graduated high school. Dr. Liz: She's headed off to college. Dr. Liz: In the fall I found myself really triggered Dr. Liz: and angry at my ex-husband. Dr. Liz: He would send me these nasty emails and Dr. Liz: they would just really upset me honestly. Dr. Liz: So we've been divorced since 2009,. Dr. Liz: Well, over 10 years.
Dr. Liz: Some years have been better that we've Dr. Liz: gotten along and I actually thought we were Dr. Liz: getting along pretty well, but I realized Dr. Liz: that I think some of that was because he Dr. Liz: had cancer. Dr. Liz: So he had throat cancer and he was pretty Dr. Liz: debilitated for almost a year and he didn't Dr. Liz: really have the energy to attack me.
Dr. Liz: Now my daughter was already living with me Dr. Liz: full-time during that year but I would take Dr. Liz: her over to see him. Dr. Liz: She often did not want to go, but I was Dr. Liz: like you know, let's just pick up some Dr. Liz: books of yours and say hi to your dad and, Dr. Liz: you know, ask if you want some soup or Dr. Liz: whatever that was.
Dr. Liz: He never wanted my soup people, but Dr. Liz: regardless I was like no, we gotta go visit Dr. Liz: your dad because he didn't have the energy Dr. Liz: to come visit her or pick her up for dinner Dr. Liz: or anything like that. Dr. Liz: So I am telling right now a good mom story. Dr. Liz: I felt like this was a good mom thing to do Dr. Liz: to keep the relationship with her father, Dr. Liz: even though this is not someone I Dr. Liz: particularly like.
Dr. Liz: Her dad Well, during that time he became Dr. Liz: very grateful for me, expressing what a Dr. Liz: wonderful mother I had been all these years, Dr. Liz: things he had not really said before. Dr. Liz: He was seeing the contrast because he had a Dr. Liz: child with another woman. Dr. Liz: So he has my two girls, which are 18 and 22. Dr. Liz: And he has a younger son who's like three Dr. Liz: now, but at the time this is a couple years Dr. Liz: ago.
Dr. Liz: At the time, his son was a baby and he saw Dr. Liz: all kinds of differences in mothering Dr. Liz: between the new mom and me, the old mom, so Dr. Liz: he became very grateful for me. Dr. Liz: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Dr. Liz: Okay. Dr. Liz: So I thought, great, there's so many years Dr. Liz: that my prayer was like higher power, Dr. Liz: either take him or take these feelings away. Dr. Liz: Okay, like that was my prayer, I'm going to Dr. Liz: be very honest.
Dr. Liz: He was so awful to me in all kinds of ways Dr. Liz: Awful like texts that he would send me Dr. Liz: emails that he would send me. Dr. Liz: He would try to gaslight me around things Dr. Liz: that I knew were not true, very just like Dr. Liz: classic narcissistic things that he would Dr. Liz: do. Dr. Liz: He's a narcissist. Dr. Liz: So this was like a period of peace and when Dr. Liz: he got sick, I was like, oh, actually these, Dr. Liz: these feelings, have been taken away.
Dr. Liz: I don't want this man to die. Dr. Liz: Like he needs to stick around, to be a dad Dr. Liz: to his girls, like they need him. Dr. Liz: So it felt like a miracle in my mind. Dr. Liz: Eventually he is better and he goes back to Dr. Liz: his old tactics and starts attacking me Dr. Liz: again.
Dr. Liz: Often it's around financial stuff, taxes Dr. Liz: and who's going to claim who and who's Dr. Liz: paying for what, and stuff like that, but Dr. Liz: you know he'll throw some like character Dr. Liz: assassinations in there as well. Dr. Liz: Now it took me a long time to learn how not Dr. Liz: to respond to him, how not to text back, Dr. Liz: how to pause, how to ignore all kinds of Dr. Liz: strategies that I would use to not inflame Dr. Liz: the situation and to help myself calm down.
Dr. Liz: I had to learn how to pause. Dr. Liz: I had to learn how to just get the Dr. Liz: information that I needed and not respond Dr. Liz: to anything else. Dr. Liz: So that was my strategy for years and years Dr. Liz: and years like we're talking over five Dr. Liz: years and I think being in recovery really, Dr. Liz: really helped with that, because recovery Dr. Liz: can help you learn emotional regulation Dr. Liz: skills and that's what those are.
Dr. Liz: I teach emotional regulation all the time Dr. Liz: in my practice through the DBT manual. Dr. Liz: But a great free way to learn emotional Dr. Liz: regulation all the time in my practice Dr. Liz: through the DBT manual, but a great free Dr. Liz: way to learn emotional regulation is Dr. Liz: actually through any 12-step program, and Dr. Liz: there's lots of them Under-Earners Dr. Liz: Anonymous I've done that one. Dr. Liz: Overeaters Anonymous I've done that one.
Dr. Liz: There's Al-Anon I've done that one. Dr. Liz: Various 12-step programs. Dr. Liz: So this is a process that happened over Dr. Liz: years, but I found myself earlier this year Dr. Liz: just refusing to do that anymore, just very Dr. Liz: angry. Dr. Liz: I have a hard time accessing it even right Dr. Liz: now because I did do EMDR on it. Dr. Liz: Okay, this is what we're getting to people. Dr. Liz: Okay, this is what we're getting to people.
Dr. Liz: I found myself really reactive to him like Dr. Liz: I refuse. Dr. Liz: I refused to let him gaslight me and Dr. Liz: continue to ignore that and instead begin Dr. Liz: shooting emails back like these are the Dr. Liz: facts and don't think that if you tell a Dr. Liz: lie long enough, that it's going to become Dr. Liz: the truth. Dr. Liz: So it really upset, which is another reason Dr. Liz: I started therapy again.
Dr. Liz: So I did some work in therapy around my Dr. Liz: daughter leaving and graduating, some of Dr. Liz: the fears I have for her for college, some Dr. Liz: things around my current marriage, and we Dr. Liz: also got to my ex-husband. Dr. Liz: Now we had talked about him before in Dr. Liz: session. Dr. Liz: It's pretty impossible not to, because he Dr. Liz: does all kinds of bullshit.
Dr. Liz: But again I found myself really, really Dr. Liz: angry one day and so my therapist said I Dr. Liz: think we need to do EMDR around this and I Dr. Liz: was like what you do EMDR? Dr. Liz: She's like, yeah, I do. Dr. Liz: I was like fantastic, great, great, like Dr. Liz: everything is aligning here. Dr. Liz: Okay, I just done these interviews about Dr. Liz: EMDR and I thought, yeah, let's give it a Dr. Liz: try.
Dr. Liz: Now in the interviews I say, I had EMDR Dr. Liz: around, an incident with an ex-boyfriend Dr. Liz: like many, many years ago I will say like Dr. Liz: 2014, so like 10 years ago actually and Dr. Liz: found it very, very helpful. Dr. Liz: And my biggest concern back then was if we Dr. Liz: do this, can I still tell this story? Dr. Liz: In a very funny way, and the therapist Dr. Liz: response was like, yes, I think you'll be Dr. Liz: able to. Dr. Liz: I said, okay, great, let's do it.
Dr. Liz: And it was very helpful. Dr. Liz: But again it's been about 10 years. Dr. Liz: So I said, okay, great, let's do it. Dr. Liz: And it was very helpful, but again it's Dr. Liz: been about 10 years. Dr. Liz: So I said let's do it. Dr. Liz: I found the prep session pretty emotional, Dr. Liz: so that was a change. Dr. Liz: I really felt like I could get to the Dr. Liz: sadness and frustration around what was Dr. Liz: going on. Dr. Liz: And then the EMDR session.
Dr. Liz: I found extremely helpful. Dr. Liz: Now my therapist used little buzzers in Dr. Liz: your hands so you don't have to like stare Dr. Liz: at someone's fingers or a light bar going Dr. Liz: back and forth. Dr. Liz: I didn't know this. Dr. Liz: She used these buzzers that would go left Dr. Liz: and right. Dr. Liz: They buzz in my left and right hands, you Dr. Liz: know, going back and forth. Dr. Liz: That's a bilateral stimulation of EMDR that Dr. Liz: happens.
Dr. Liz: I liked that process better than using my Dr. Liz: eyes to go back and forth. Dr. Liz: We started with a memory and then she would Dr. Liz: run the buzzers and then I would talk about Dr. Liz: what came up, and so it was like these Dr. Liz: series of memories that came up that felt Dr. Liz: like stream of consciousness to me.
Dr. Liz: So some of the memories were going back to Dr. Liz: the beginning of our relationship when I Dr. Liz: met him, when I was 25, and some of the Dr. Liz: things happening around then. Dr. Liz: I was in grad school and lots of changes Dr. Liz: were happening.
Dr. Liz: I had such high hopes for being a mother At Dr. Liz: that point I had actually decided that if I Dr. Liz: didn't get married or find someone that Dr. Liz: wanted to be a father with me, that I would Dr. Liz: have children on my own, because I was Dr. Liz: working with severely abused children and I Dr. Liz: was like I can be a better mother by myself Dr. Liz: than most people are with two parents. Dr. Liz: So that was important to me to eventually Dr. Liz: be a mother.
Dr. Liz: But he wanted children and I thought he'd Dr. Liz: make a great dad, and you know all the Dr. Liz: dreams you have when you first meet someone Dr. Liz: when you're young.
Dr. Liz: So a lot of these memories came up and they Dr. Liz: would sometimes bounce around from the past Dr. Liz: to the present, but they seemed to be all Dr. Liz: related to what was going on and then we Dr. Liz: would check in with the intensity of the Dr. Liz: original thought or belief that I started Dr. Liz: with. Dr. Liz: And where was it Now? Dr. Liz: I didn't change the belief.
Dr. Liz: I don't mean to hold out on you guys, but Dr. Liz: there are some things that are more private, Dr. Liz: so I'm not going to tell you what the Dr. Liz: original belief was that we're working with. Dr. Liz: So that didn't change, but the intensity Dr. Liz: around it changed.
Dr. Liz: So I can say it today, just sort of like Dr. Liz: it's a fact, instead of having sadness, Dr. Liz: frustration, just sort of like it's a fact, Dr. Liz: instead of having sadness, frustration, a Dr. Liz: whole body wash come up when I say it. Dr. Liz: So it's sort of like saying, yeah, it's Dr. Liz: going to rain today, south Florida. Dr. Liz: It feels like that, like there's nothing Dr. Liz: around it to me. Dr. Liz: So that is a huge change.
Dr. Liz: And when I think about him in the past week Dr. Liz: this was just a week ago or so about Dr. Liz: there's nothing there, there's no like Dr. Liz: anger, frustration, there's not even like Dr. Liz: negative thoughts, really sort of like he's Dr. Liz: a non-entity. Dr. Liz: He is someone I still have to deal with. Dr. Liz: I have to manage some financial things with Dr. Liz: him around our daughters, and that's about Dr. Liz: it. Dr. Liz: Other than that, I can avoid him, that's it.
Dr. Liz: So that feels very, very different. Dr. Liz: That is the direct result of EMDR and I Dr. Liz: really wish I had done it years ago Dr. Liz: actually. Dr. Liz: Well, years ago he was being nice to me, so Dr. Liz: that doesn't make any sense. Dr. Liz: Right, you do it when you need to do it. Dr. Liz: You find the therapist that you need at the Dr. Liz: time and the technique. Dr. Liz: I've always believed that when you need Dr. Liz: hypnosis, you'll find it.
Dr. Liz: When you need EMDR, you'll find it. Dr. Liz: When you need EMDR, you'll find it. Dr. Liz: You need CBT cognitive behavioral therapy, Dr. Liz: or DBT or internal family system whatever Dr. Liz: it is that you need Maybe plant medicine, a Dr. Liz: shaman, who knows you will find it when you Dr. Liz: need it. Dr. Liz: That feels much better than saying, oh, I Dr. Liz: should have done this years ago, need it.
Dr. Liz: So that feels much better, yeah, than Dr. Liz: saying, oh, I should have done this years Dr. Liz: ago. Dr. Liz: I think the feeling behind that is Dr. Liz: remembering how awful it's felt with him Dr. Liz: and wanting that to go away, wanting that Dr. Liz: to not be the case, wanting to feel like I Dr. Liz: feel now, like neutral, that's it. Dr. Liz: Neutral, I'm going to finish up this Dr. Liz: podcast, go about my day, that's it.
Dr. Liz: I don't have to be filled with feelings of Dr. Liz: hatred or anger or shame or anything like Dr. Liz: that when I think about him. Dr. Liz: So that's my experience with EMDR. Dr. Liz: I am not trained in EMDR right now. Dr. Liz: Who knows if in the future I will be. Dr. Liz: I would give it about a year from this Dr. Liz: podcast to check in to see if I'm trained Dr. Liz: in it, because chances are I may be next Dr. Liz: year.
Dr. Liz: Sometimes I'll do a technique myself and Dr. Liz: then want to get trained in it. Dr. Liz: So check on me in about a year if you want Dr. Liz: EMDR. Dr. Liz: Otherwise, if you'd like to do the Dr. Liz: technique yourself to process trauma, then Dr. Liz: definitely seek someone out that does it. Dr. Liz: There's Jacqueline Haley, who I just Dr. Liz: interviewed.
Dr. Liz: There's Jamie Weatherholt, who I just Dr. Liz: interviewed and, believe me, there's all Dr. Liz: kinds of EMDR practitioners around who are Dr. Liz: excellent. Dr. Liz: So look on the EMDR website or Google it up Dr. Liz: in your area or ask in a group or a friend. Dr. Liz: Whatever you need to do, or if you feel led Dr. Liz: more towards hypnosis, then of course I'm Dr. Liz: your person. Dr. Liz: You can always reach out to me and we'll Dr. Liz: talk about what your goals are.
Dr. Liz: What do you want to accomplish with it? Dr. Liz: What do you want to heal? Dr. Liz: What do you want to feel better about? Dr. Liz: So you can always reach out to me, drliz at Dr. Liz: drlizhypnosiscom. Dr. Liz: D-r-l-i-z at D-R-L-I-Z-hypnosiscom. Dr. Liz: All right, everyone, I hope you're healthy Dr. Liz: and safe Peace.