Does Age Matter? Dating way older and way younger

Hi Seo.

Hey

Cesar

and I'm Jermaine

and welcome back to another episode of Cla

Hush. You can't tell our

outfit go with the theme of the episode today because we are sitting, come over to youtube to see us. Ok. But if you are on podcast Drive safe and then like watch us later. Ok, Jimmy, you want to describe your outfit?

So today we are talking about love across generations. Ok. I don't know why it's so dramatic. We're basically talking about dating people who are much older and much younger than you. So we decided to come in like boyfriend vibes. So I'm wearing my boyfriend's t shirt. I'm wearing oversized T or like,

yeah. And this is a men's collection, Braven collab with a for arcade. And he sent me a set and I thought, wow, how timely,

very cute

and it's very oversized as well.

This is the age old question. How age old? Because does age matter in a relationship? Yes or no? 123, yes. Ok. I think the age difference doesn't matter. I think the age matters. So like the number of years doesn't matter. But what age you are when you're in that relationship matters. Correct. So, you're 29 this year and just 41. Yes. Correct. 12 years difference. That's correct. If you were 18 and he was 30

see,

you know, I mean, that makes sense. Ok.

I think the number does not matter, but your mind set and your mental at that age matters. So let at 18 and he's 30. But if you're both, your mindsets are aligned, why not? I've mentioned this a harsh podcast before. I have a friend who was 22 when she met her boyfriend, five years younger than her. So the boy was 1617, something about that. They met each other when they were working part time at this movie place.

mindset matters. That's why I actually agree with the both of you. But I think age matters in the sense that Azura said it the age you are when you go into the relationship. So obviously I have a 12 year age gap, but I'm much older now. I was 28 when I got into this relationship, right? I have a best friend. She, when she was, when she was 18, she was dating someone 18 years older than her. So she was 36 and this is where mindset comes in. He was at a very different

actually some women prefer that after graduation, they want to settle down. Start a family. That's true.

But I think she was more career oriented and ambitious. It was not for her at that stage in her life. Yeah.

So share with us about your relationship journey. When you just told your family and your friends, you're dating someone 12 years older than you. What were your reactions?

Like one of my younger friends when she, she's much younger. Her starts with t see how young she is when she first met him. She referred to him in our private conversations as uncle, as uncle. Oh, I guess it so yikes, right. The guy. But she's much younger than me. To be fair. I never told him that. Don't listen to this anyways. My older friends, like you guys, I don't really think you guys. What, what do you guys know? We have, we first heard

about it.

Yeah. Didn't matter to us. Didn't matter. All. Of course

not if it makes you happy. That's the most important thing.

See, I think a lot of my friends felt that way with my parents. I think before you told them? What were your expectations going into it? Did you ever think? Like, wow, they're gonna say something about the age. I was very nervous to tell them because I felt like they would say, oh, this guy is too old for you. Like, why such a big age gap? Because in the past I only dated like, maybe two years my senior and stuff like that.

time gossip when they need some things to chat about. That kind of thing.

She's dating, like, you know, someone who's 12 years old.

These are pretty much harmless conversations.

It's harmless, it's harmless. But being 12 years older, one of the challenges is that he is at a different stage of his life. Thankfully for me, I think his industry keeps him young. So he does listen to the same music that I do. Yeah. Sometimes he kicks in a bit. Celine Dion. I'm like, ok, just, just listen. But my dad's concern is because he is older, settling down and starting a family that has to be pretty soon. Right. Because you don't want to be like a 60 year

if he proposes this year, would

you say you say

yes.

So anyways moving on.

Ok. Ok. Seriously, what are some of the benefits of dating older men? There's gotta be some like perks in there.

Definitely. I mean, he's got his shit figured out, ok. Right. Financially, emotionally, past traumas, everything's been figured out and he's done a lot of work on himself. I'm not saying every 40 year old has their shit figured out, but he in particular did a lot of that in the years leading up to us meeting each other. So thankfully for that, and he's actually very good at giving advice because a lot of things that I experienced at work on my personal life he has been through in

Really? I do, I actually give really good advice. Actually,

I think the people that give good advice, usually their life a bit messy.

Correct.

No, but I got to. Right. I just want to say that it's really true when they say you grow old is mandatory, but like growing up is optional. True. Have you girls ever dated someone else older than you

all my life? I've dated older man. How

much was the oldest

five years older than me?

How was that?

That was good. Like he was, he was mature, he was stable and he made me feel very emotionally secure and like what you mentioned, financially stable and has everything figured out. Basically, he knows what he wants and our timeline is all planned out, but unfortunately, that didn't work out. So I hope he's in a better place now. But there was a very, very loving relationship. I would say. What about you?

1010 years, 10

years older than you?

10, how was that? I did not think the age was a problem. Yeah. In fact, all the problems we had were nothing age related.

Nice. Neither was

it like a different place in life related?

So, this is like a younger girl, older guy, kind of story, right? I have this story from online. The girlfriend is the older one and the boyfriend is the younger one. Do you

think when the woman is the older one, people tend to like a bit, it's less common, right? But either way invites comments. So I think, but, but this girl, I mean that he is talking about is 19 years older than the boyfriend that is quite a significant age gap,

correct? And this story is from the boyfriend's point of view. He says my girlfriend was 19 years older than me and we were together for over a decade when we met, I was 30 she was 49 with two teenage daughters from previous marriages. Despite my commitment and love for her and her kids, she still couldn't get past the age difference and was constantly worried I might leave her for a younger woman or one Children because that might be not possible for the girl. She's already

I think it's very tough being a woman at that age. You tend to have a lot of insecurities and it's very normal as well. Right. You always think like, there's so many young, like, pretty women out there, like he could just go off any one of them. But sometimes it's about love and this is where you get in your own way, but you are your own worst enemy. There are a lot of situations where it doesn't work out and this is where mindset comes in. So this is actually a

But do you actually like take his advice? Did I actually help you about what all is sharing about investments and stuff like that?

No, I like hearing about world news because I don't like reading about it. So he is like my newspaper but he tells me to my face. So in a way I'm learning. Yes, I'm learning about the world insightful conversations. Yeah, I mean, obviously we have very different interests. Like there are certain songs that he listens to that I've never heard of in my life kind of thing. It's normal. There was once we went karaoke and I cute, like a old song,

So this is the funny thing all my life I thought I would only date older men, right? Men who are more mature, same age. Ok. Ok. You know how they say like girls in terms of age faster. Yeah, two years more mature than guys of your own age. Mental, mental maturity. That's right. So all my life I, I knew I needed someone mature. So I've always been looking for men older than me, right? But I have had experiences dating someone younger than me and there's not like

right?

The father, daughter kind of worried about it.

Sorry, what's your parents age difference?

Four years. My dad is older than my mom by four years. Ok. So naturally he will be worried for me, especially my dad sees that I'm very independent. He feels like I need someone older than me. But this person that who is six years younger than me he takes care of me in ways that I never expected a 24 year old could or what? Ok. And he gives to a lot in the healthy way and he gives me very sound advice as well. And I realize this is

They always say younger men are more immature Like, is that true?

Well, there are instances where I still see the little boy in him where maybe we play a game and I lose and he ha ha loser don't make it. I'm like, oh, that's quite boyish. But other than that, I feel like I'm the girl in the relationship. Like I'm the younger one in the ways

that count, he is mature.

For example, he's a better cook. He is a better driver. He is better with his emotions and how he deals with his time and finances.

I'm usually a bit not skeptical, but I think that people in the early to mid twenties, your prefrontal cortex, we speak about all the time has not fully developed at that point. The problem is you think you're an adult, but actually you would learn a lot later on that you don't know shit. So has that ever come up? Like, do you feel like because I feel like there's nothing wrong with the person I just feel at

that age

a lot of people are struggling with who they are. They're searching for a lot of things. They haven't lived.

Yeah. Enough.

Right. I mean, we have lived enough to be honest. That's true.

Do you see that? Maybe in my case, not so much because after he got his diploma he decided that he doesn't want to go to uni route, stuff like that, he came out and started working. So he has had years of experience in society. And I think that really, really plays a big, big part. So not so much

I love that. I think it could work out very well depending on the person and the person's mindset how they grew up. The environment they're in is not really about the age, right? Because they are good experiences. There's this one lady on Reddit who always dated older like ha and then dated someone younger who's like nine years younger than her. She was 36 and she's 27 and she says nine months going strong, he's so supportive. He's so caring. Sometimes.

that is so true.

I have a friend who is married to someone who is also six years younger than her. Ok. So one is early thirties, one is late thirties and I think it's fine. I look at them and I think they've got it worked out. You know, there's this other story, a 38 year old woman, she tried dating younger, a 26 year old man. So that's about 1012 years and she recently ended the relationship. She says that her experience with dating younger men, they in their late twenties are going through a lot of shit.

I've had a girlfriend, she used to date someone nine years younger than her and she told me if she could turn time back, she would reverse everything she's done because that was the worst decision of her life. She just felt like that man was not mature enough and he was very selfish in a sense, constantly thinking about himself. It was not a give and take relationship. It was a one way street.

Do you think it's a person thing rather than? Definitely.

And I feel like the man definitely has not seen enough of the world, not saying he's a bad person. It's just that wrong time, wrong person, wrong place.

Do you girls know any gold diggers? I've heard of some, but I personally, I find it hard to form a relationship with such people. Interesting, why there's nothing wrong with it? I mean, you do you honestly? Right. But I think when you're focused on something like that or when that's the first thing you look at, you tend to be a little bit more surface on the things that matter more to me. And hence I find it hard for us to build a relationship that way. What about you

hazy? Not really, not in my close friends circle, at least. What about you?

I mean, I know of a few. Right? And one thing that someone told me right is that it is not a crime to want nice things in your life. Right? It's not a crime as a girl to want someone who is financially stable. Take care of you. You don't ever have to lift a finger and work in your life. That is not a crime. I think the crime here is when you don't treat the guy that you're digging gold from in a good and respectful manner, if you are a gold digger, but you treat your partner like

I don't see anything wrong with that honestly, because if the two people who are in this transactional relationship are willing and they're able to, nobody can say nothing else

because I was having this conversation with my partner, right? And I was saying like you guys can really just date just for looks and not for love or whatever. And he said I just as girls can do the same thing, right? They can just date for money. I think guys can just date for looks. They just want a trophy wife, but they don't need romantic love. And that's one of the biggest stereotypes. It's like younger woman, older men. And then, and then the man is very rich and

it brings me to my next point. Have you heard of men who are in their midlife? Crisis. They are just trying to figure themselves out, find their identity by trying to date younger women.

Try to stay down. Yes. Correct. So, like they don't want or something.

Yeah. Ok. I've heard of this, you know, like this is a friend of a friend and she was in this office where her boss would, like, hit on her and the boss is like, 20 something years older than she. The boss has basically a whole family. But why is he doing that? Maybe he's trying to stay young at heart.

Do you think it's like validation as well? Like a value

to the young?

I'm still, I'm still relevant in this. Well, I think it's just fear of aging. I think that's what it is. I think sometimes when you're in a relationship with a big age gap, it could be that there feels like almost like a power imbalance. I think I talked about this before with this current partner. Like, there was some financial imbalance, right? And I felt some type of way about it because it was the first time it ever happened to me

And I'm sure that's the case for a relationship.

Yeah. Absolutely. With the whole trope of the older women and younger men, I think a lot of people sometimes think that, you know, the older woman is kind of like mothering, the younger man, like taking care of him like a mother because they are older and they're more nurturing in your experience having dated younger men that whole like mother son, like mothering. No, no.

In fact, sometimes I feel like it's a father daughter. You know, you know what I mean? It's so mature. It's a very different dynamics that I cannot explain. And sometimes I think is luck, luck

luck. There are also some situations where younger men date older women or Cougars as they call them. You're not a Cougar hazel, you're very young. What

is a cougar in the forties or fif

don't know. What do you think Cougar? At least how old? 56 I think anything, 20 years, age gap and over is like Cougar. So a lot of younger men apparently through movies and stuff like that, date these Cougars for like sexual experimentation. It's like a fantasy thing. It's like when like when a Cougar sleeps with a virgin kind of thing, like teaches him about sex and all I'm saying this is in movies. I'm not saying it's really a movie he watching actually. Ok.

But there's some studies found on age gap relationships and whether they can work out or not. So this is very interesting. A 2014 US study found that the average age gap in relationships was 2.3 years. Ok. So she plus minus and across Western countries 8% of heterosexual couples have an age gap of 10 years or more. These generally involve older men with younger women. About 1% of age gap couples involve an older women with younger men. Oh, interesting.

I think some research has also pointed to the fact that if you are closer in age, it's more likely that you will have a long lasting relationship because

your interest are more alignment,

correct because you are experiencing life challenges and stages at the same time, you're more aligned. However, historically, if you are in the middle or upper class, basically like higher high says, OK, you are more likely to date with a bigger age gap. For example, a man with more economic power like Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, sure, they are less likely to date someone their age. OK.

Some studies find that the relationship satisfaction reported by age gap couples is higher,

good news

and these couples also seem to report greater trust and commitment and lower jealousy compared to similar age couples

is a personality problem. The person is me. I'm working on it. You're never a problem. It's not a problem. Thank you very much, but it's a little setback. It's a work in progress. Thank you. Thank you. The

next point over three quarters of couples where younger women are partnered with older men report satisfying romantic relationships.

OK? OK. I think one of the biggest things that for a lot of these relationships, according to research and statistics is social disapproval. If you believe that people, the proof of your relationship, you are bound to break up because you are like fighting against yourself. Correct. Once you let people's words get to you, opinions and thoughts and judgment, get to you like you will, it affects your relationship. My question is why are you allowing people

It's not common.

No, I tell you like example, I give hazy an example. Let's say your father said to you. I don't approve of you dating someone younger than you. You break up. I'm going to disown you as a daughter.

I would sit down and speak to him about it and I'm very sure he will be won over by my words. If not, I would have been a host for nothing for seven years.

Correct. Right. I'm saying this is the stuff that really happens in the world in basically more serious situations where it's like you feel like you're bring back to a corner. Exactly. Yeah. So anyways, I think when it comes down to it all in all the success of a relationship doesn't really have to do with age or age gap that does come into play. But it's a lot more about your beliefs, your values, right? Where you're headed to in life, you have the same ambitions. It's more aligned with that.

I agree. So for now let's play a little game our producers have actually prepare some questions for us where we have to guess the amongst celebrity couples.

Let's sing, let's sing. First up. We have Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds. Yes. Age gap. I don't actually know this. Yes, that's the game. Right. Thanks. I've never thought it was big. I'm gonna say 12.

Who's older, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy

who was big. I just read about it. What's the answer? But I did so fun. But I don't think men in Hollywood take care of themselves, like, maybe begging people to take care of them

in this photo. He looks a lot older than Blake.

Lively. Yeah, it's just the same my notes. Ok. This is, ah, Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas, she's older than he is. She's a Cougar. 10 years. No, I say 20 my God. Really?

Really? What do you

say? 8, 10 years? But he looks like a boy.

Yeah. Actually,

now it's

the way he takes care of himself. Ok. Moving on.

Jason Statham and Rosie Huntington

16 looks like 25.

30 20 years. Some people like bald man. Ok. Kris Jenner and Corey gamble. 30

30 years. Like the female is older than the.

Yes. Chris Jenner is the ultimate cougar. You go girl. 20 six. Wow.

Then I'm gonna guess 24

25. Ok. Could you ever do hazy? 20

five years? Five years. I'm 50 let's say I'm 50.

She's 29. Now. He be four years old. Yeah. You know, like some people who are like 2930 single, maybe they're still in kindergarten. Wait, it's ok.

What the hell?

Ok. Last one, this one got age gap, Barry Cohen and Sabrina Carpenter, I say 54.

Ok. So 4567.

Wait, but who's younger? Ok. So, really,

so young. She's a T

OK. Very. Yes. Age gap. Ok. So we've talked about large age gaps, right? And statistically it's proven that smaller or closer age gaps have a more successful relationship. Comparing both large and small. I think we both have experiences with both. Which do you guys prefer and why?

I think it's nothing to do with the age. It's more to do with the person. If I were, to be very honest, my most happy relationship in my life is the one where I dated someone six years younger than me. It's just because of him as a person. I think I lucked out.

I feel like once now that I've gone older, you never, you never go back. It's a bit hard to go back. I, I like it. I feel very ok. We've established this. Yes, I'm independent. I make my own money. I can take care of myself, but it's nice to be taken care of, to be young and like, I don't care that all of you on social media, call my daddy. I know what you're calling him. It's ok. I call him the same thing too. But it's true. No, they fight with each other on

Ok, I like the

not too big, not too small. What are we talking about? Ok. So a couple of years older is a sweet spot for you. Great. But can be younger, can, can,

can do younger but

she'll be very assertive with a young, wanna be, you know, she wants to be a baby.

My older guy can

is can but I just want to turn my brain off. I think this is also like what Hazy said, where you said? Because the guy you dated, who's younger, he had been in the workforce already. He been in society already. Imagine if he was a 24 year old student. Very different. I was still in uni, very different.

Yeah. And I remember he once told me he hasn't been seeing anyone for like five years and he had said that because he was always looking at pierce his age, right? He never thought to look for someone older than he because it was uncommon, like they were a little bit different. He felt like maybe in terms of thinking they were a bit different and

So I think what I've got it from today's episode is expand your horizons. Not too far, like I said, not like never say

never within acceptable range.

Sure. Legal. That's number one, number two, expand your horizons and, and don't be afraid to date older or younger. You've never tried before. You wouldn't know if you like it or not really,

it's not, the age, age is just a number. It is the person

if you want to try something, but the age is stopping you. Maybe you should try and convince yourself to look past it because you never know. Yeah, and try to convince yourself to look past the fact that your friend called him an uncle. Yeah. And, and you never know. You may be rewarded. Very Andrew

is going to be so heartbroken after he listens.

He like he knows when I see him, I call him that you think. Ok, call him what uncle?

Well, anyways, if you have any thoughts or comments about this episode, we are more than happy to hear them. Drop us. A comment on Instagram at a clarity.co.

That's Right. We hope you had fun. You can listen to us on me, listen, Apple Podcast, Spotify, send out a notification and we're on youtube as well. We can't wait to catch you next time. Go catch up on all our latest episodes. Bye, see you. Bye.