Attunement is the ability to be aware of and respond to another person's needs—and our own needs, too. In this episode, you'll learn the building blocks of good attunement, why over-attunement is unhelpful and exhausting, and how to practically sharpen your attunement skills and improve your relationships. How Husband Material can help: Receive attunement from a Husband Material Coach Observe attunement in Husband Material Academy Practice attunement in a Husband Material Group What are you doin...
Sep 06, 2022•31 min
What does redemption look like for men who experience unwanted same-sex attraction? Harrison Bly grew up "too gay to be Christian, too Christian to be gay." In this episode, Harrison shares his story of freedom through vulnerability, sonship, brotherhood, and redefining masculinity. Harrison Bly writes with a firm and unusual resolve about male sexuality. He uses story as a way to make sense of taboo subjects that are often over-simplified and misunderstood. Secretly gay in a conservative Christ...
Aug 29, 2022•30 min
What does it look like to untangle unwanted same-sex attraction toward men? Harrison Bly grew up "too gay to be Christian, too Christian to be gay." In this episode, Harrison shares vulnerable stories from boyhood that shed light on why and how he sexualized masculinity. Harrison Bly writes with a firm and unusual resolve about male sexuality. He uses story as a way to make sense of taboo subjects that are often over-simplified and misunderstood. Secretly gay in a conservative Christian world, H...
Aug 22, 2022•41 min
The word "purity" must be defined without the damaging messages of purity culture. In this episode, I'll explain 3 types of purity in the Bible. I'll also share a vulnerable story about my own lack of purity. Then at the end, I'll answer questions and clarify the true meaning of purity. Free resources mentioned in this episode: Holiness - The Bible Project Five Failures Of Purity Culture Why Didn't I Like Vaginas? How To Measure Freedom From Porn What To Do When You See Attractive People *** How...
Aug 15, 2022•34 min
How do you discover the deeper roots underneath surface-level sexual symptoms? Josh Glaser guides us in "tracking the heart," revealing where unwanted thoughts, feelings, and behaviors come from. Josh Glaser is the Executive Director of Regeneration , a Christ-centered ministry equipping men and women to live God’s good, holy, and beautiful design for relationships and sexuality. He is the creator of Awaken , an online community and 48-week discipleship series for men pursuing sexual integrity. ...
Aug 08, 2022•36 min
What should sex education look like in today's world? Adam and Karissa King explain why parents must teach children about sexuality from a young age—and how to make these conversations easy, effective, and even fun. Adam + Karissa King are a licensed coach/therapist team and the founders of Dear Young Married Couple . They understand the pressure Christian parents feel to give their kids a godly understanding of sexuality. That's why they partnered with Korena Hendryx (a biology teacher and sex ...
Aug 01, 2022•50 min
Are you frustrated by internal conflict? Tired of being overwhelmed by thoughts and feelings? Kim Miller explains a Christ-centered approach to internal family systems (IFS). You'll learn the 5 steps of "taking a you-turn" so every part of you can encounter Jesus and be led by your Spirit-led self. Kim Miller (MTh, LMFT) is a speaker, retreat leader, and co-author of Boundaries For Your Soul. She’s certified in Internal Family Systems Therapy and Imago Relationship Therapy. Buy Kim's book (this ...
Jul 25, 2022•49 min
N is for Ninety Days O is for Outgrow P is for Plasticity Q is for Questions R is for Redemptive Risk S is for Supernormal Stimuli T is for Trauma & Traumasexuality U is for Unwanted & Unwanted Workbook V is for Vagus Nerve & Polyvagal Theory W is for Worship (special playlist) X is for Ex- (example breakup letter) Y is for Yes! Z is for Zero What are you doing this Saturday? Come to our free workshop! Register now for HMA In A Day at husbandmaterial.com/workshop Support the show Tak...
Jul 18, 2022•27 min
In this episode, you'll learn 13 key concepts for outgrowing porn based on the first 13 letters of the alphabet. Check out the list below for further information about each key concept (including paid links): A is for Alexithymia B is for Breathing C is for Co-regulation D is for Dopamine E is for Eroticized F is for Fathering G is for Group H is for Holistic I is for IFS J is for Journey K is for Knowledge L is for Lust & Love M is for Mindfulness Next week, I'll cover the second half of th...
Jul 11, 2022•27 min
How do I know if I was neglected? And what can I do about it? Stephen Thomas unpacks 6 types of neglect, why neglect fuels shame and addiction, and what we can do as we recognize ways we have been neglected. Stephen Thomas is a husband and father who has enjoyed freedom from porn and hookup culture for over 13 years. He is a Certified Husband Material Coach who provides coaching for individuals, couples, and groups. Stephen is passionate about seeing men who feel hopelessly buried by addictions ...
Jul 04, 2022•51 min
Heartache has a pattern, and so does healing. Author and therapist Cathy Loerzel explains the 3 types of heartache, and a powerful path to healing for each one. Learn how your past has uniquely prepared you to experience more joy. Cathy Loerzel founded the Allender Center with Dr. Dan Allender in 2010. Together with Dan, she is the co-author of Redeeming Heartache: How Past Suffering Reveals True Calling (this is a paid link). Connect with Cathy at cathyloerzel.com . What are you doing this Satu...
Jun 27, 2022•47 min
What is intimacy? How can I find it? Most intimacy is not sexual. Most intimacy is spiritual, social, emotional, mental, and physical. Learn why each type of intimacy matters, and how to experience each one without sex or porn. Resources mentioned in this episode: Man Cards , by Drew Boa and Henry Brown The Feeling Wheel , by Gloria Wilcox The Eight Feelings , by Chip Dodd Husband Material Community What are you doing this Saturday? Come to our free workshop! Register now for HMA In A Day at hus...
Jun 20, 2022•18 min
Men are lonely. How can we develop deeper friendships? Introducing Man Cards: a card deck of conversation starters for men designed by Drew Boa and Henry Brown. In this episode, Drew and Henry introduce Man Cards and show you how to use them. Get your Man Cards at getyourmancards.com Man Cards make it easier for men to go deep. Inside are 52 questions of varying levels of vulnerability to help you and the men around you be fully known. Cards are ranked, so men can choose how deep they want to go...
Jun 13, 2022•48 min
You'll never outgrow porn if you believe it's the problem. In this episode, Matt Dobschuetz explains why porn is a solution, and the surprising reason why one particular type of porn has appealed to him. This man overflows with kindness and hope! Matt Dobschuetz is the host of Porn Free Radio , the top-rated podcast for motivated guys who want to quit looking at porn. Matt is a diehard Chicago Bears fan, a coffee enthusiast, and a lover of old-school hip hop. To learn more, visit Matt at recover...
Jun 06, 2022•38 min
Do you ever wish your friends lived closer? In today's world, long distance friendship is more possible and pervasive than ever. What are the blessings and drawbacks of this? In this episode, Husband Material coaches talk about how to maximize authentic connection, both long distance and locally. Join us for a weekend of beauty and brotherhood at the Husband Material Retreat in Santa Barbara (September 9-13, 2022). Sign up for the "Early Bird Discount" before July 9th to receive $150 off at husb...
May 30, 2022•46 min
What is emotional maturity? How can we increase our emotional intelligence? In this episode, Dr. Eddie Capparucci explains the three components of emotional maturity, why men struggle to love, and what we can do about it. Dr. Eddie Capparucci is an author and therapist who specializes in the treatment of sex and porn addiction. He's the creator of the Inner Child Recovery Process (ICRP) and the author of a new book: Why Men Struggle To Love: Overcoming Relational Blind Spots . More resources by ...
May 23, 2022•40 min
What is the difference between sexual arousal and sexual desire, and why does it matter? In this episode, Dr. Doug Carpenter powerfully explains this concept and why it is absolutely essential for outgrowing porn. This episode is taken from our new course on Healing From Sexual Abuse . Learn more at husbandmaterial.com/healing-from-sexual-abuse Related episodes: How To Interpret Sexual Fantasies What Should I Do With My Sexual Desires? What are you doing this Saturday? Come to our free workshop!...
May 16, 2022•16 min
Let me help you decide if “counting the days” is right for you. In this episode, you'll learn 2 bad reasons to count, 3 good reasons to count, and what works for me... 2 bad reasons: Legalism & License 3 good reasons: Celebration, Compassion, & Curiosity What works for me? Listen to this episode to find out 😉 If you loved this episode, you will probably love my book, Redeemed Sexuality. Buy it here (this is a paid link): Redeemed Sexuality: 12 Sessions For Healing And Transformation In ...
May 09, 2022•22 min
What is centering prayer? How can it help us when we're triggered or preoccupied? In this episode, Matthew Lyda explains the 4 Rs of centering prayer: Resist no thought Retain no thought React to no thought Return to God Matthew Lyda is a Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional and a poet. He is the author of Recover The Wild: Unfiltered Poems And Prayers (paid link). Matthew is also trained as a mental health & life purpose coach. Take Matthew's free 5-day course on centering prayer here . Plea...
May 02, 2022•36 min
How does the gospel interact with trauma? In this episode, Matt Wenger explains a Christ-centered and clinically innovative approach to healing trauma and outgrowing pornography. Matt Wenger is the clinical director of Boulder Recovery , a 14-day intensive for men struggling with sex, porn, and relationship issues and their impact on faith. The program uses the TINSA treatment model (Trauma-Induced Sexual Addiction) to heal the traumatic experiences and attachment wounds driving addictive behavi...
Apr 25, 2022•1 hr 7 min
What if you could become a loving older brother to your inner child? In this episode, you'll discover how to do this through Older Brother Coaching. Older Brother Coaching is my unique approach to healing the inner child, which has led to hundreds of breakthroughs for Christian men outgrowing porn. In this episode, you'll learn the three steps of Older Brother Coaching. Then at the end, I'll lead you through a guided meditation to experience it for yourself. Resources mentioned (including paid l...
Apr 18, 2022•1 hr 5 min
What if being reported for criminal sexual activity can be a blessing? In this episode, Rich Moore explains how being reported saved his life and propelled him into healing. Rich also reveals how to know if you should report yourself or someone else to local authorities. Rich Moore is the Associate Director of Men's Groups for Pure Desire Ministries , and a certified Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional (PSAP). Rich has been involved with Pure Desire for over 20 years and serves a foundational ro...
Apr 11, 2022•32 min
What is racial trauma? How does it affect us all, and what does healing look like? In this episode, Sheila Wise Rowe shares insights and stories about how racial trauma can be healed. Sheila Wise Rowe is a truth-teller who writes passionately about matters of faith and emotional healing. She advocates for the dignity, rights, and healing of abuse survivors, those carrying racial trauma, and racial (re)conciliation. Sheila is the author of the award-winning book Healing Racial Trauma: The Road to...
Apr 04, 2022•41 min
If you’re not attracted to typical porn, have you ever wondered why? In this episode, I explore the roots of my negative association with female sexual parts due to purity culture, parents, peers, princesses, and porn. Books about sex and purity culture (paid links): A Celebration Of Sex , by Dr. Doug Rosenau The Gift Of Sex , by Clifford And Joyce Penner Talking Back To Purity Culture , by Rachel Joy Welcher To understand how purity culture keeps men trapped in porn, take my free mini-course at...
Mar 28, 2022•20 min
What does God think about my face, my gut, and my penis? In this episode, Matt Cline unpacks what the Bible says about our bodies—why they have value, and how we can reclaim the parts we don't like. Matt Cline is the director of Restored Ministries , focused on helping 1,000,000 people live porn-free and powerfully by 2030. He is also co-host of the Pure Victory Podcast . Matt lives in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada with his wife and two young sons. Restored Ministries Resources: Pure Freedom Journey...
Mar 21, 2022•40 min
Is there such a thing as healthy shame? How can we heal from toxic shame? In this episode, Dr. Jake Porter shares eye-opening answers to these questions from science and scripture. Dr. Jake Porter is the founder of Daring Ventures and host of the upcoming Choose Connection Online Summit for couples in recovery from addiction and betrayal on March 25-27, 2022. Husband Material is partnering with Daring Ventures to promote this awesome event using affiliate links. Get your free ticket to the Choos...
Mar 14, 2022•42 min
What is true vulnerability? Why is it so important? When is it safe? And how can I get better at it? In this episode, I answer all these questions and more... If you want to become more vulnerable with men committed to curiosity and compassion, apply to join an upcoming Husband Material group at husbandmaterial.com/group Resources on vulnerability (including paid links): The Power Of Vulnerability (TED Talk) by Brené Brown Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Li...
Mar 07, 2022•48 min
Who are you? What defines you? Performance? Porn addiction? Sexual attraction? In this episode, Sathiya Sam reveals the power of having a secure identity, how to strengthen your sense of self, and why he recommends self-care using the 5 love languages. Sathiya Sam is a coach and speaker who helps men live with confidence and integrity. A recovered addict himself, Sathiya is the creator of DeepClean™️ – a research-based and Bible-backed system for overcoming porn. This work has helped everyone fr...
Feb 28, 2022•45 min
"You can't possibly hate yourself more than I love you. You can try, but it ain't gonna happen. You can try, but I have until eternity. You don't. How long do you wanna keep playing this game of the pity party and this shame when I got so much more planned for you?" —Dr. Joe Martin In this episode, Dr. Joe Martin shares his incredible story of God bringing redemption out of poverty, abuse, addiction, and divorce. He also reveals the 5 components of a kingdom man, and how to address voices of acc...
Feb 21, 2022•1 hr 6 min
What's the best way to respond to a relapse into porn, either for yourself or for a friend? In this episode, you'll learn the power of viewing relapse as feedback (not failure), the benefits of a growth mindset (not a fixed mindset), and the 3 types of feedback you must receive. Research mentioned in this episode (this is a paid link): Mindset: The New Psychology Of Success , by Carol Dweck Other Husband Material resources mentioned in this episode: Read a book Take a course Get coaching What ar...
Feb 14, 2022•16 min
