What if the marriage you’re living is the exact marriage you deserve? I know—sounds harsh, right? But hang with me. In over ten years of coaching men through separation, I’ve learned that treating this “what-if” as true is the quickest way to spotlight the blind spots you're contributing to the breakdown of the relationship. Go to https://husbandhelphaven.com/episode-26 for a full episode overview. 00:00 Introduction 00:20 You Get The Marriage You Deserve... Sort of 01:00 Key to Uncovering Blind...
Apr 25, 2025•20 min•Ep. 26
How do good, loving couples end up divorced? The short answer comes down to three key factors: Marriage on the Back Burner – You both get busy—maybe with a home remodel, new job, or family obligations—and assume it’s “just a season.” Meanwhile, the relationship gets less and less attention. Both Spouses Become Their Worst – Left untended, bad habits and unresolved stress start growing like weeds. You’re not pouring in the love, so complacency—and resentment—take root. An External Crisis Strikes ...
Apr 17, 2025•36 min•Ep. 25
Episode notes available at https://husbandhelphaven.com/episode-24/ Do you need help reconnecting with your wife? Maybe you need to know some specific things to say to your wife to navigate the often-challenging conversations that happen during separation? Or maybe you just want some tips to be a better husband overall. In today's episode of the Husband Help Haven Podcast, I'm going to share some good ol' fashioned communication advice to help you build a better connection with your wife, whethe...
Nov 22, 2022•31 min•Ep. 24
Show notes and video for this episode can be found at https://husbandhelphaven.com/episode-23/ How do you know when it really is time to be done waiting for your wife to come back? This is the other side of the question answered in the previous episode. As a pro-marriage optimist, please know that I'm rarely going to tell you to move on from your marriage, but in this episode I will share the reasons that I've seen other separated men make that decision for themselves. I will warn you, unlike th...
Nov 18, 2022•26 min•Season 1Ep. 23
Show notes and video available at https://husbandhelphaven.com/episode-22/ Do you ever question if it's worth waiting for your wife to come back? Does it feel like your separation is dragging on indefinitely? We all need to be reminded sometimes why we do the things we do. This episode is for the men who are sick of being in no man's land, and need a pep talk to remember why they're still holding onto hope for their wife. When you're doubting whether it's worth it to keep going, I want this epis...
Nov 17, 2022•24 min•Season 1Ep. 22
"Stephen, I know you can't tell me an exact timeframe, but based on your experience, how much longer do you think this separation will last? How long 'til she comes back? How long til she pushes through the divorce?" I get this sort of question a lot, and I understand why. Separation is hard. Being able to have some reasonable expectation of how much road you have left to travel would help you set realistic expectations. Obviously I can't predict the future, but today I'm going to walk you throu...
Jun 10, 2021•28 min
Show notes for this episode at https://husbandhelphaven.com/marcus-interview/ Not every story has a happy ending. Or maybe, the happy ending isn't always what we believe it will be. That's exactly the case for Marcus Farris, a former Peace & Control student who is now living on the other side of divorce. In today's episode, we sit down to talk honestly about what happened in his marriage, separation and divorce. He bares his heart and shares all his struggles and successes that he experience...
May 21, 2021•1 hr 3 min
In the last episode, we talked about how to get out of your wife's friend zone when you're early in the separation... But what about when you're beginning to rebuild the marriage on the other side of separation? What do you do when your wife is starting to come back, but can't seem to get those pesky "feelings" back? That's the subject of this week's episode. We'll talk about developing an effective mindset to survive this phase of separation, and what you can do to lead the way from a genuinely...
May 12, 2021•23 min
"Stephen, my wife and I get along great, but she has no attraction to me. I think I'm stuck in her friend zone. What should I do?" This is the question we'll be answering on today's episode of the Husband Help Haven Podcast . I'll tell you right now, I don't particularly like the term "friend zone", but it's one that many separated men use when describing their current relationship with their wife. In this episode, I'll tell you why I don't like the term, what I think the actual problem is, and ...
Apr 28, 2021•25 min
Thankfulness and marital separation seem like they'd go together about as well as oil and water... What could you possibly have to be thankful for when your life as you knew it has been thrown into upheaval? In this episode, we're going to talk about three things: Why thankfulness is important and how it will help you navigate separation better Specific things you can be thankful for, even when you're separated What you should do when gratitude feels impossible Whether you're celebrating Thanksg...
Nov 24, 2020•20 min
The holidays can be tricky when you're separated. Made worse by the fact that the new year is often a time where a separated wife may choose to move forward with divorce. How do you make the most of this holiday season if you're already separated? What can you do to get the best possible chance of positively impacting your wife's decision about the marriage? What if your wife has already come out and told you she plans to file after Christmas? In this episode, I'll share the 7 most common pieces...
Nov 20, 2020•22 min
Today's episode is in response to a recent question I got from a guy named JD. Basically, his wife is doing things that he feels are truly unacceptable, so his fear is that continuing to forgive her will simply enable her bad behavior. I love this question because it highlights two important concepts that often come into play during separation: Forgiveness and boundaries. How do these two concepts coexist? Should you continue forgiving your wife even when she's breaking the boundaries of the rel...
Nov 16, 2020•21 min
Today we're answering three reader-submitted questions: Question #1 - How do you have an open and honest conversation with your wife while you're separated? Question #2 - If you were the one to have an affair, do you do anything different to try and get your wife back? Question #3 - If your wife starts warming up to you AFTER you've stopped saying 'I love you', should you start trying to be affectionate again? Since each of these questions were submitted by a Husband Help Haven subscriber, you'l...
Oct 23, 2020•20 min
Today's episode is a little different. Instead of direct separation-related strategy, we're going to talk about two important reasons to do the hard, but good thing in your marriage. Most HHH readers / listeners can identify with doing the hard, but good thing. After all, being the only one to fight for your marriage is exactly that. When you do the right thing, the good thing, when the outcome isn't guaranteed, when even recognition for trying isn't guaranteed... Is it worth it? In this episode...
Oct 20, 2020•21 min
Trust is something we've talked a lot about on Husband Help Haven, and for good reason. It is a prerequisite that must be in place before you can rebuild romantic love with your wife. In today's episode, we're going to talk more in-depth about what exactly trust means in a relationship and what elements of trust may be missing or damaged in YOUR relationship. Then, we'll talk about three unconventional - but powerful - ways you can look to rebuild trust with a separated wife, even when things ar...
Aug 12, 2020•23 min
How do you endure a separation that drags on for months on end? In today's episode, I'm sharing the 5 most common reminders that I give to men who are in long-lasting separations. For example, how do you keep the ball rolling once the relationship starts to improve? How do you handle a wife that keeps bringing up divorce, but still hasn't filed? How do you stay stable and consistent through the chaos of separation? Spoiler alert, these are the things that you probably already know, or that alrea...
Aug 06, 2020•19 min
Over time, I've noticed that there tend to be four major stages between marriage and divorce... Those four stages of separation are: She says she wants out Plans are made to live separately Someone moves out Divorce is filed Today's episode covers these stages in what I call the Separation Roadmap. It is an overview of each one of these stages with answers to a few key questions about each one. What's going through her head? What mistakes do men tend to make at this stage? What have I seen get g...
Jul 28, 2020•24 min
Today we'll be wrapping up the Get Your Wife Back With... series with a look at enforcing boundaries during separation. Learn how enforcing boundaries can be the thing that sparks your wife to change course and rethink leaving the marriage Yes, believe it or not, I have seen marriages saved when the husband draws a line and enforces a boundary. The most common way this is done is with an ultimatum... "Do this, or else that will happen." "End the affair, or else I'm moving forward with divorce." ...
Jul 11, 2020•31 min
Can friendship pave the way back to a happy marriage? In the fourth episode of the Get Your Wife Back With... series, we're looking at how to get your wife back with friendship. Seems simple on the surface, but we'll talk about when it works best, signs that you're doing it right, and a couple extra things to know when trying to compete with some of the new friends your wife may have made for herself during the separation. Plus, we'll talk about how to get your wife on the same page with you so ...
Jul 03, 2020•25 min
How do you get your wife back with fatherhood? Can stepping up as a father help you rebuild connection and trust with your wife during separation? If so, how? In part 3 of the Get Your Wife Back With... series, we will examine the role of good parenting and how that can help bridge the gap of separation to find common ground with your wife. Obviously, this only applies if you have kids, but for fathers going through separation, this episode will go in-depth on everything you need to know to help...
Jun 26, 2020•25 min
In the second episode of our 5-part Get Your Wife Back With... series, we are taking a look at how to get your wife back with space. No, I don't mean staring up at the stars together, I mean shifting your attitude towards distance in the relationship during separation. Most separated wives ask for space at one point or another. In this episode, we'll talk about how you can respond to that desire for space in a way that sets you up for future reconciliation. More specifically, we'll talk about ho...
Jun 19, 2020•25 min
The first of a five-part Get Your Wife Back With... series, in this episode we will talk about how to get your wife back with attraction. Attraction - something we talk a lot about here on Husband Help Haven - is the feeling that creates a wanting from your wife for the marriage. Often, it's one of the biggest things missing by the time a marriage hits the point of separation. In this episode, we'll dive deep into attraction during separation. You'll learn what your goal should be for rebuilding...
Jun 12, 2020•31 min
Why is trust the #1 thing we focus on throughout the 3+1 Separation Strategy? Why is trust so important in rebuilding the foundation of a future happy marriage with your wife? In the final episode episode of our 4-part series, we will explore what trust means in your relationship, why it MUST be the starting point for reconciliation, and the process you must follow to rebuild trust with your wife.
Jun 06, 2020•16 min
With self-control and self-improvement in place, we begin looking at how you can start showing your wife the man she could have if she stays. The third and final step of the 3+1 Separation Strategy is where we harness the work of the first two steps in a way that begins improving your relationship with your wife. In this episode, you'll learn how to start seeing the opportunities available to you in your separation. We will do this through two powerful questions that help you see what your wife ...
Jun 03, 2020•25 min
The second step of the 3+1 Separation Strategy is all about self-improvement. With self-control firmly in place, we can harness that discipline to start making meaningful changes in you as a man, husband and father. In this episode, I'll walk you through a few different ways you can pinpoint the type of man you want to be, and identify specific changes you can make to start working towards that man.
Jun 02, 2020•18 min
What's the very first thing I tell a separated man who wants to save his marriage? Stop the desperation, focus on what you can control. That's the first step of the 3+1 Separation Strategy, which is my go-to advice for most men who want to get their wife back from separation. It's a three step strategy working towards a singular goal of rebuilding trust in your relationship. In this episode, you'll overview the entire 3+1 Separation Strategy, and then we'll go in-depth on the first step....
Jun 01, 2020•22 min
