Creating a Supportive Workplace with Tom Oxley

You know I talk some training for leaders , managers and non-managing staff . So I really like to get into the you know rummage around the underwear drawers of an organisation , find out what it's really like to work there and to experience poor mental health . I will interview people who've experienced things like stress , anxiety , depression .

I will talk to managers about what the processes are like . I'll talk to the hr team about policies and practices . I'll talk to stakeholders . I will really get to know an organization and play back what it's like to feel ill while working for them and how they can improve that support process .

And that is um , that's what I do for them and I know in my heart that that is . That is a personal passion coming from when I wasn't very well and had to have three months out of work . Uh , really not , not really knowing what I was doing or where I was going was very unwell .

Luckily , I was quite well supported , but it's been a mission of mine to enable organizations to support their people and get it right for them and get it right for the organization .

The question for you , therefore , is how can managers be better at spotting signs of stress and or anxiety in the workplace ?

You know , you know our , our senses are telling us that there's something up with this person . And you know , I think our instinct needs to be that , when we experience the signs and the behaviors around poor mental health , our instinct needs to be that there is something wrong with this person's world .

Not with them , they're not broken but there's something kicking off and it's putting pressure on this person or it's making them feel low . Well , there's been an event in their life that's bringing them down and taking them away from their ability to do the job that they could previously do .

So our instinct is to notice and to have a adult , adult conversation with them . So not not parent , child I'm not telling you what to do , not , commander in chief , I'm not going to bark orders at you but adult , adult .

So I , you and I can sit down , we can have a cup of coffee and we can talk about the stuff that's going on and what support you need from me as a manager in order for you to get through a difficult time and keep working if possible , and work can be part of people's recovery . I'm not an advocate , that you know .

As soon as somebody mentions mental health , they need to be kind of whisked off and wrapped up in cotton wool . That doesn't work for anybody . So it's really about noticing , talking and coaching rather than trying to fix people's problems . And the last thing you want is your boss to turn around and pretend to be some sort of half-assed therapist .

But you do need somebody to have your back during a difficult time , because it's going to happen . I know this . You know suffering is part of our lives , and if I talk about the big boulders that go in our rucksack , our backpack , they're things like financial health issues , grief , bereavement , um , family stuff .

You know that they they will happen from time to time . It's not that they might , they definitely will multiple times , and during those periods it's really hard for me to be at my best at work , but it makes a heck of a difference on my side and that's really what I want from my manager . I don't want you to fix and solve my problems .

You can't , but you can be there while I do it and you can understand while I might not be 100% , but flexibility will go a long way . So that's an important way of keeping people well and at work .

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Actually , to your point , a moment ago , you used an example of I think his name was Nick , who'd lost his mum , and there was a lady who worked for a charity who'd lost her dad recently , and you used the way that managers treated those two folks and reacted to their stress , their anger , their grief which are both very different as an example of actually you

know what , if you get it right , your people will stick around . The lady who worked for the charity I think you mentioned in the talk , she was still there . She'd been there for a number of years , she was in a much better place , productive , and so on and so forth . I've got a question here somewhere . That's a little bit that's around .

If you don't mind talking a bit about that connection between getting the support right for your people and retaining them for longer , because this year 2024 is is all about retaining people . The projections are showing that folks will be sticking around for longer . Um , I wonder if that's because mental health in the workplace is being , uh , better addressed .

I don't know .

So he he then sought support from his doctor , he was signed off , he was in and out of work . He was trying to soldier on but it became untenable and eventually he left the organization with a significant payout . So that is an example of an organization really not applying a supportive process and method and losing out financially as a result .

I am , at the same time we've got we've got a really lovely guy , he was good at his job , he would smash his appraisals for out the past five years . Who's now , you know , in pieces and on the sidelines .

So we we've got this sort of legal case and a moral case and a financial case all pointing in the same direction and that is , if my work space and place and my team is a psychologically safe place to work , if I can speak up , if I'm listened to , if I'm supported , I'm much more likely to stay , and that happens with the big events , like happened to Nick

, but it also happens in small events as well .

So every day that I go to work , I'm making quite a complex set of decisions about whether or not what's my relationship like with my manager , what's my relationship like with the workplace , what's my relationship like with this job , and if I am under micro stresses , then I'm going to be questioning that relationship and if something else comes up , I'm going to

be more likely to be looking elsewhere for it .

So if , as an organization or as a leader or as a manager , you want to keep your good people nick was definitely one of those then it's worth investing in this idea that we we need to create supportive cultures , and one where we recognise mental health as something that is not a sign that there's something wrong with me .

It's a sign that there's something wrong in my world and I can get the support while I manage that . And work can absolutely be part of people's recovery plan . Let's say , for example , I was going through a separation , divorce .

My work is going to be very important to me as a structure , as a sense of community , the money , but equally if I'm moving house or if I'm moving out , if I've got equally I , you know you , if I'm moving house , or if I'm moving out , if I've got court cases or whatever it might be , you know you're not going to get 100% of me .

You know I'm not going to be on my A game all day , every day , during that time . So it's about figuring out that , that algorithm of what support is necessary . What can I do to get the best out of this person ? What have they got ? And to have the following question in your mind is not what they can't do , but what can they do .

And I think when we start to look at this as a normal and quite natural process , we can take away a lot of the stigma , bring out the conversations that lead to resolution and come up with a plan to help another human through a difficult time . And , my goodness me , they will be loyal back . The loyalty that gets paid back will will will be double fold .

I was with a guy who was a doctor on an air ambulance . So helicopters comes into you know , nasty accidents , that kind of thing and they , uh , he had a quite a traumatic incident they had to attend to and his medical director said you're not yourself and we're going to take you off because we need a .

We're going to need you fit to fly , but we're going to take you off and we need you to to go and , you know , recuperate . We need you to to understand what support you need and get that . And this was at the same time . I think his father was also dying in the hospital as well .

So , you know , the organisation really showed up for this guy and a couple of months later his father had died . But he'd got the support he needed and they were short of a doctor on Christmas Day and you know he was the first to put his hand up and go look , I'll do this , I'll do this shift , are you sure ? Yeah , of course , you know .

You were there for me . I want this . You know I like my job , I want to do it . And he really showed up for the organization in return and you get that a lot so as part of my homework , I was checking out you recently .

And then I was looking at something else I don't know if it's one of your posts or something um , and you were promoting supporting employee mental health while keeping boundaries . You said , um , this is , this is interesting , so okay , so it's terribly important to have the right conversations to find ways to support people , but when does one overstep ?

How can one keep those boundaries ?

So when I am a care seeker so there's stuff happening in my world I need support . I'm a care seeker and I go to my manager who's the caregiver . All right , that . What I want from my care giver is somebody who has their feet on the firm ground . I want them to be well , I want them to guide me and listen to me and support me .

But I do not want them to jump in the water with me and you know , say , oh my God , this place is awful . You know , the management is dreadful and they're bored . Oh my God , the work . I don't want that .

So as a caregiver , I need to be calm , kind and curious , but I've got to be really careful not to try and fix everything or diagnose conditions or or create some kind of pity party . I want , I want to have an adult conversation with this person . That means , yeah , we can talk about difficult stuff , but I'm not your therapist .

And at the end of that conversation , you and I agree that you're going to have some appointments with a counselor or get some further information about a legal situation you're going through , whatever it is , and I'll give you some time to have those appointments .

So we agree that thing and then , as your caregiver , I stop doing that and I return to my firm ground and I come back to being your manager . So we find a level for that conversation and then I step back and I become your manager . So it's quite interesting to do that . I think that managers think they've got to have all the answers and they don't .

I think some of the best questions are that you know , what do you think is right for you at this time ? What can we expect from you ? What are you going to do to support yourself ? So it's not the organisation or the manager's role to do all the fixing and the sorting out . Yeah , we can facilitate some appointments . Make up the time , yeah , you can .

You know , we'll give you an office to help make those difficult phone calls , you know , while you talk to a counsellor . But we do need to keep that integrity on the worker-workplace relationship . So when an organisation is looking at this subject , so from an organisational point of view , I don't let everybody who says I'm experiencing mental health .

This is not some kind of free for all where we can just kind of chuck our tools in the air and storm off the site . You know there are things that I can expect of you and as an organization , I need to put that process in place . So I need to have policies that call out what the absence procedure is .

I need to have call out what the absence procedure is . I need to have um hr people who are trained to have these conversations .

I need to have a charter , for example , where I will say what we will do and what we won't do , so people know what's what , and that is actually very helpful if I'm experiencing stress , anxiety and depression , because those are times when I'm when I'm , my thinking might be more cloudy or a bit wobbly or full of anxiety .

So it's helpful for me to have those structures and if , at the end of the day , we've had the adult conversations , we've used the processes and my behavior is still not appropriate , even if I've got a poor mental health condition right . Appropriate even if I've got a poor mental health condition right .

But mental health helps us understand poor behavior in the workplace , you know , once , maybe twice , but it doesn't excuse it in the long run .

So , after I have , after we've exhausted the you know , the adult chats and the action plan and a bit of support and time off or whatever it is after that , then there is a point where I go look , we've done what we said we're going to do . It's your go , and we do have requirements from your role and we need those met .

So we need to now have a discussion about whether or not the role is still right for you , if the amount of days per week is right for you .

Some of the jobs and we're always seeking to try and get a positive outcome with this but and it is a is a strong , but the end game is not always somebody staying at an organization or staying in their same role .

That's not appropriate and sometimes though this sounds mean to say , but it's not sometimes we can sometimes set people free from a role or an organization that's giving them anxiety , that's exacerbating their depression , that is toxic and triggering for them and they can draw a line under it and go and open up a new chapter somewhere else .

Also for the organization , we need to recognize that our instincts to support people , yes , but when people experience poor mental health and the behavior or the performance drops , that affects other people as well . So we don't just let it slide , we don't just kind of ignore it , we don't brush it under the carpet . We do .

We do offer flexibility , but we , we also sort it , and that's good for both sides . So so the organization knows where it is , the team knows where it is , the individual knows where it is , and that kind of framework can really be helpful at a time when somebody feels lost tom we've got two minutes left of this particular conversation .

Tell us about your super awesome , cool session at uh , the disrupt cambridge uh , which is happening within the uh first cambridge ai summit . We've done a couple in in Norwich . They seem to like one there . We're doing one in Peterborough as well . We're looking at some other places . This is the first one in Cambridge .

You're kind enough to say that you're going to get involved in 60 seconds or less . Tease our listeners in terms of what they can expect from this session .

I also think that we have some improved opportunities to manage workload and stress , and I also think that there are some potential mental health interventions that might be especially useful .

If I am an old school manager that does not know my way around this subject , so you know you won't be surprised to know that I've had a few conversations with AI and I was actually I was goading it , I was teasing it , to be mean to the colleague who was who I wanted to kind of send this email to and it wouldn't . It wouldn't let me Bill .

So it it doesn't carry all the stigma of the past thousands of generations where we have to be all masculine and tough it out . So I think there's a lot of hope , a lot of positivity and I'll be focusing on that .

So find me on the tedx talk , on tedcom or youtube or via linkedin okay , excellent .