It's Christmas! Here is the first of 2017's How to Survive Christmas Specials Home Alone 3 tells the story of Alex, a young boy who becomes stricken with chickenpox. Alex's parents leave him home alone, which is unfortunate as his neighbourhood is under attack from four spies hired by the North Korean government to steal a missile chip from the US Air Force. We talk about the least appropriate children's movie villains in living memory; the least interesting and relatable protagonist in living m...
Dec 24, 2017•53 min
It's episode 123...and this isn't going to go the way you think. It's nearly Christmas and that can only mean one thing - Disney have started up the Star Wars machine and churned out another episode of our favourite far, far away franchise. Set your phasers to lightspeed! Rian Johnson's The Last Jedi (2017) finds us once again following Rey, Finn, Poe, Ren and Luke, as well as some characters with more than one syllable in their names, as they venture across the galaxy to explore strange new wor...
Dec 21, 2017•57 min
Slight delay on today's podcast but rest assured that our episode on The Last Jedi will be out on Thursday the 21st of December, plus there's a whole lot more coming your way over Christmas. Cheers!
Dec 20, 2017•2 min
It's episode 122...and I like big fat men like you. When they fall they make more noise. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966) tells the story of a trio of bandits in search for buried gold, complete with all the betrayals, standoffs and shootouts you'd expect from the Wild West. Clint Eastwood starring as the enigmatic Blondie in what is undoubtedly one of the great Western cinematic epics, but will it be the Good, the Bad or the Ugly who wins the day, and the treasure? Only one way to find out...
Dec 13, 2017•46 min
It's episode 121...and they tell me you're a man with true grit. True Grit (2010) tells the story of Mattie Ross, a precocious 14-year old farm girl who sets out to avenge her father's death with the help of cantankerous drunkard Rooster Cogburn and cantankerous teetotaler LaBoeuf. Together the trio trek across the Old West in search of justice, cornbread and - above all else - a coward by the name of Tom Chaney. We consider the Coens, debate the Deakins, field the question of field amputations ...
Dec 06, 2017•56 min
It's episode 120...and this isn't Casper the fucking friendly ghost you're chasing! Paranormal Activity 3 (2011) takes us back to the 1980s to find out the fascinating backstory of Katie, Kristi and Toby the pesky poltergeist, all shot in crisp late-noughties HD footage! When the furniture starts flying, there's only one solution...film it all for posterity! We tackle the usual plot twists and contrivances, ask ourselves if a Witches' Coven is too covenient , and wax lyrical about the creative u...
Nov 29, 2017•52 min
It's episode 119...and I knew before you told me that you've got an American flag in your home. You've probably got more than one. Brawl in Cell Block 99 (2017) tells the story of Bradley, a drug runner caught in the crossfire between his job, his morals and his family. Sent to prison, needless to say things go badly for baldy Bradley. We talk about how far it's worth pushing your moral code, phoning friends and the importance of neck exercises when facing up against Vince Vaughn's hulking physi...
Nov 22, 2017•49 min
It's episode 118... and if you send one of ours to the hospital, we'll send one of yours to the morgue... The Untouchables (1987) tells the story of the task force charged with bringing down Chicago crime boss, Al Capone. Elliot Ness and his men have to fight fire with fire, and bring down the kingpin who has left every member of the city living in continual fear of violence. We talk about the merits of decriminalising banned substances; the safety concerns associated with standard-issue police ...
Nov 15, 2017•46 min
It's episode 117... and be a doll, and give it a listen... The Boy (2016) tells the story of Greta, an American who moves to the English countryside to work as a nanny for a wealthy couple. The couple leave on holiday, but not before revealing that the child Greta will be looking after is actually a doll with a porcelain head. No, really... We talk about the dangers of mollycoddling; the benefits of seeking protection from an institutional agency set up to protect you; and the minutia of logisti...
Nov 08, 2017•47 min
It's episode 116... and we want to play a game... Jigsaw (2017) tells the story of a group of people who become trapped in contrived torture devices as punishment for sins they're perceived to have committed. The person behind it appears to be John Kramer - but he's been dead for ten years - so is he back from the dead? Or is someone else behind it? There's only one way to find out. We talk about the dangers of being a police officer in Jigsawville; the merits of collaborating with a serial kill...
Nov 01, 2017•55 min
The Saw franchise is one of the most successful series of horror movies in cinematic history, and with Jigsaw (2017) in cinemas now, Chris and Joe felt it was finally time to tackle John Kramer's sinister games - all in one sitting. In this special bonus episode Chris and Joe talk through their experience of watching through all 7 Saw movies for the first How to Survive video podcast. Though they talk through all the traps, twists and tantrums in the 11-hour long ordeal, there's really no replac...
Oct 31, 2017•29 min
It's episode 115... and we're gonna be great friends... Creep (2014) tells the story of Aaron, a freelance videographer who is hired by the mysterious Joseph to film a secret video at Joseph's wilderness retreat. Before long, Aaron begins to realise Joseph really is a 'creep' - but will he be able to escape the danger he's in before it's too late? We talk about the merits of clear communication with the emergency services; the appropriate way to behave when in charge of an automobile; and we con...
Oct 25, 2017•45 min
It's episode 114... and time for a romantic getaway... Gerald's Game (2017) tells the story of Jessie, who travels to a rural retreat with her husband, Gerald. Once there, they engage in some light bondage, and Jessie is handcuffed to the bed, but after a quarrel, Gerald drops dead! Now chained to the bed, Jessie seems to be stuck with no hope of rescue. How will she survive? We talk about the importance of not wasting valuable resources in a survival situation; the limitations of virtual assist...
Oct 18, 2017•52 min
It's episode 113... and clear your minds. It knows what scares you. It has from the very beginning. Don't give it any help, it knows too much already.step into the light! Poltergeist (1982) tells the story of the Freeling family. The Freelings live a peaceful suburban existence, until one day, their daughter is sucked into the walls of the house, and trapped in a netherworld where the only way to contact her is through the TV. What's really going on? And will her family get her back? We talk abo...
Oct 11, 2017•44 min
It's episode 112... and we all float down here... IT (2017) tells the story of a group of teenage friends in the town of Derry. A number of children in the town disappear, and our heroes race to uncover the truth before it's too late. (All while fighting for their lives against an evil dancing clown...) We talk about the importance of not leaving severely damning evidence when reporting crimes; the benefits of becoming a teenage runaway; and the risks of attacking your victims in broad daylight ...
Oct 04, 2017•49 min
It's episode 111... and we're finally finished! Friday the 13th (2009) is a reboot which tells the story of a group of teenagers who spend the night around Camp Crystal Lake and get picked off one by one. The perpetrator? Jason Voorhees (which actually makes this a reboot of Friday the 13th: Part 2...) We talk about the importance of recognising your own tolerance for parties; the benefits of sensible gun handling; and we finally say goodbye to our arch nemesis (until the next inevitable remake....
Sep 27, 2017•1 hr 20 min
It's episode 110... and I don't know if the house is haunted, but I hope it is. Paranormal Activity 2 (2010) tells the story of the Rey family. Shortly after the birth of their new son, the Reys begin experiencing strange goings-on in their home. All signs point to a haunting - and when the main characters from the first film show up you know there's going to be trouble... We talk about the importance of sharing critical information about hauntings with similarly afflicted family members; as wel...
Sep 20, 2017•48 min
It's episode 109... and we may be a podcast, but we're not a f*cking podcast. From Dusk Till Dawn (1996) tells the story of two brothers, Seth and Richie, who get into a bad situation when they kidnap a family on a road trip and escape to Mexico They head to a bar for the night, but all is not what it seems with the bar's staff and patrons We hash out optimal business hours for mythical creatures; the importance of keeping your promises; and more! All of which leads to one question... How would ...
Sep 13, 2017•48 min
It's episode 108... and may we come in? Let the Right One In (2008) tells the story of Oskar, a young boy who is bullied at school, and makes friends with his new neighbour, Eli. They form a tight bond, but all is not as it seems with Eli, and why does she only come out at night? We address the logistics of harvesting blood from members of the public; the poor economy of helping a mythical creature feed; and the benefits of travelling in the dead of night. All of which leads to one question... H...
Sep 06, 2017•43 min
It's episode 107... and something wicker this way comes... The Wicker Man (1973) tells the story of Sgt. Howie of the Scottish constabulary. Howie is sent to the remote Hebredian island of Summerisle to investigate the disappearance of a young girl. What he finds is a town devoted to pagan rituals, but could something more sinister be brewing under the surface? (The answer is yes). We discuss the importance of not drinking on the job; the lethal risks of a life of chastity; and the merits of a s...
Aug 30, 2017•43 min
It's episode 106... and look what's happened to Rosemary's Baby... Rosemary's Baby (1968) tells the story of Rosemary, a young woman who falls pregnant after moving into a new home. But the pregnancy is fraught with unusual side-effects, and her creepy neighbours won't leave her alone. We discuss the importance of supervising the preparation of your food; the limitations of hiding in plane sight; and when all is said and done, why not just go with it? All of which leads to one question... How wo...
Aug 23, 2017•55 min
It's episode 105... and do you want to play a game of hide and clap? The Conjuring (2013) tells the story of Ed and Lorraine Warren, paranormal investigators who are called upon to help the Perron Family. The Perrons have just moved into a new home, and all signs (from dead animals to suspicious bruising) seem to point to a haunting! We discuss the importance of calling upon law enforcement in times of need; the risks of keeping dangerous objects in a house with a child; and the importance of th...
Aug 16, 2017•47 min
Jurassic Park (1993) tells the story of Dr. Grant and Dr. Sattler, two paleontologists (well, one paleontologist and one paleobotanist...) who are summoned to a new theme park to make sure it is safe for visitors. The theme at the park is 'dinosaurs', and the park's owner, John Hammond has been able to clone real dinosaurs from their blood, preserved in amber. Before long, the park's systems fail, and it becomes a classic case of man vs. The Cloneasaurus Rex. We discuss what it means to spare no...
Aug 09, 2017•55 min
It's episode 103... and you're one ugly motherf**ker.. Predator (1987) tells the story of Major Allan 'Dutch' Schaefer, a mercenary who takes on the job of rescuing a kidnapped diplomat in the Venezuelan jungle. Along with his team, they soon realise they've been double-crossed by Dutch's old friend, CIA operative, 'Dillon'. The two are soon at each other's throats, and then an alien shows up and starts killing everyone. We discuss the ethics of intergalactic game hunting; the benefits of a tigh...
Aug 02, 2017•47 min
It's episode 102... and you can't trust anyone but family... It Comes at Night (2017) tells the story of Paul and his family, who have survived a plague and now live in a house in the woods, desperate to stay protected from disease and would-be attackers. Their volatile existence is threatened when a man breaks in. And that's about as much as we can say without spoiling it... We discuss the finer points of interior design; the importance of maintaining a positive attitude to health and safety, e...
Jul 26, 2017•43 min
It's episode 101...and that goalie was pissed about something.. Freddy vs. Jason (2003) tells the story of Freddy Krueger, an evil phantom who haunts teenagers and kills them in their dreams. With his power weakening, he enlists the help of Jason Voorhees, the Camp Crystal Lake killer. Why? Because they needed to be crowbarred together somehow. We discuss the benefits of keeping your mouth shut when you're on the run; the economics of drugging an entire town of people; and the importance on esta...
Jul 19, 2017•51 min
It's episode 100!!!!! ...and things are going bump in the night... Paranormal Activity (2009) tells the story of Micah and Rachel, a young couple whose lives are turned upside down when they are haunted by a demon. We see their lives unravel through videotapes made by the couple during their gradual demise, in the most carefully edited and dramatised 'found footage' movie yet. We discuss the benefits of trusting the experts; the merits of leaving your house the instant you know beyond any reason...
Jul 12, 2017•1 hr 11 min
It's episode 99... and we all go a little mad sometimes.... Psycho (1960) tells the story of Marion Crane; a young woman who steals a large sum of money from her employer and runs away to meet up with her secret lover. On the way to meet him, she stops for the night at the Bates Motel, and surely nothing can go wrong there... We discuss the importance of always having diagnostic criteria ready to go; the benefits of a good alibi; and the old age practice of locking the door while you're in the b...
Jul 05, 2017•1 hr
It's episode 98... and I'm drawing a line in the f**king sand here. Do not read the Latin! The Cabin in the Woods (2011) tells the story of a group of teenage friends who decide to spend the weekend at a remote cabin in some remote woods. Once they arrive at the cabin, bad things start to happen. But everything is not as it seems... We have our first Quick-Fire Survival Round; we discuss the benefits of using the 'surviving ally' horror trope to your benefit; and the benefits of using the 'survi...
Jun 28, 2017•49 min
It's episode 97... and another mist opportunity... The Mist (2007) tells the story of David, a family man whose world is turned upside down when he and his son (and a bunch of townsfolk) are forced to shelter in a supermarket when a thick mist descends on their town. This is no straightforward weather problem, as hidden within the mist are all manner of violent and disgusting monsters - and they seem intent on killing everyone in the supermarket. We discuss how the importance of quickly killing ...
Jun 21, 2017•1 hr 1 min
