It's episode 45... and a lesson in playing impromptu gigs at Nazi clubs! Note: We recorded this episode a few weeks ago. Since then, we've heard the tragic news of Anton Yelchin's death. Yelchin played Pat in this week's movie. It was a quality performance, which made it very clear that he was a talented actor with a big future ahead of him. There's not much that we can add without sounding exploitative or cliche, but naturally our hearts are with his loved ones, and although it's probably impos...
Jun 22, 2016•53 min
It's episode 44! Have you heard the one about the woman who went deaf and got stalked by a murderer? Don't worry, neither has she! Hush (2016) tells the story of Maddie, a deaf woman who lives alone in the woods. One evening, she is visited by a murderer who plans to use her hearing-impairment against her, and it's up to Maddie to work out how to survive. We talk about the importance of good food preparation; the benefits of being a sovereign citizen; and the relative difficulties of managing a ...
Jun 15, 2016•1 hr 5 min
It's episode 43! The only thing worse than going blind is going blind while being stalked by a murderer... Julia's Eyes (2010) tells the story of Julia, a woman with a degenerative eye disease. After her twin sister is murdered, Julia begins a hunt for the killer, but she's in a race against time as her vision is slowly growing weaker... We talk about appropriate footwear for recovering from eye surgery; some top tips for pretending your eyes don't work; and a gripping appraisal of bathroom ligh...
Jun 08, 2016•52 min
It's episode 42! There's a new toy that everybody's keen to possess... (see what I did there?) Child's Play (1988) tells the story of Charles Lee Ray. A serial killer who, with his final breaths, uses voodoo magic to possess a child's doll. Thereafter, he goes on a murderous rampage, with his 'owner' Andy dragging along behind him. We talk about the importance of gun safety in a highly built up area; the ecological benefits of double glazing; and just how difficult it must be to overpower a doll...
Jun 01, 2016•47 min
It's episode 41! Fortunately, we're not heading back to Crystal Lake! And Jason Vorhees isn't killing teenagers! Unfortunately, someone else is... Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985) tells the story of Tommy Jarvis. Now grown up, Tommy is haunted by the ghostly apparition of Jason Vorhees, and the trauma he suffered as a youngster. Whilst staying at a convalescent home for young people with mental health issues, Tommy is thrown back into chaos as the young people around him are picked off......
May 25, 2016•56 min
It's episode 40! Of all the mythical woodland creatures on earth, what could be friendlier than the North American Sasquatch? Willow Creek (2013) tells the story of a young couple who head into the great American wilderness to make a documentary about a bigfoot sighting. The sighting took place 40 years earlier, but that doesn't stop our heroes from trying to get up close and personal with the elusive 'Bigfoot'. We talk about the essential practice of taking 'the essentials' on a hiking trip; th...
May 18, 2016•46 min
It's episode 39! Whatever you do... stay in the house! Coherence (2013) tells the story of a group of friends having a dinner party. The evening starts well enough, but soon descends into terror as a comet passing near the earth appears to have an unusual effect on the evening's proceedings. If you've seen Coherence, you might be thinking 'I wonder if they're going to do something clever to reflect the form of the film'. But that would've required a level of planning, and writing, and performanc...
May 11, 2016•51 min
A Long Long Time Ago, on a Podcast Far Far Away... It's episode 38! Luke Skywalker has vanished. In his absence, the sinister FIRST ORDER has risen from the ashes of the Empire and will not rest until Skywalker, the last Jedi, has been destroyed. This week to celebrate May the 4th, we're suspending the usual How to Survive discussion in favour of discussing the latest Star Wars movie. With one notable exception, the characters all survive the movie, so we're just talking straight Star Wars. We t...
May 04, 2016•1 hr 2 min
This is re-uploaded because iTunes didn't like the last one... It's episode 35! Start your engines. mirror, signal and manoeuvre - it's time for a high speed death chase on the Fury Road! Witness! Mad Max: Fury Road (2015) tells the story of Max... a man who is mad. Max finds himself assisting in a rescue mission. The ringleader of the operation is Imperator Furiosa who is trying to save five women from sexual slavery at the hands of the evil tyrant Immortan Joe. The only problem is, Joe wants t...
May 03, 2016•45 min
It's episode 37, and a returning favourite: Lt. Ellen Ripley and her travelling band of Alien killers. Aliens (1986) sees Ripley wake up to find out that everyone she ever knew has died... but every cloud has a silver lining. Ripley is able to put her grief and PTSD to good use by travelling with a group of Space Marines to fight an entire planet of Xenomorphs for one of the most iconic action movies of all time. We talk about one of the importance of crisis management when your career involves ...
Apr 27, 2016•57 min
It's episode 36, and a movie which by definition is the most appropriate film we've ever discussed - The Survivalist! The Survivalist (2016) tells the story of The Survivalist... a man who is a survivalist. The Survivalist has been surviving pretty well on his own out in the woods. He's got crops, shelter and decent defences - all until his world is turned upside down by the arrival of woman and her daughter. They group form an uneasy co-existence, which soon becomes a co-dependence, and his sur...
Apr 20, 2016•43 min
It's episode 35! Start your engines. mirror, signal and manoeuvre - it's time for a high speed death chase on the Fury Road! Witness! Mad Max: Fury Road (2015) tells the story of Max... a man who is mad. Max finds himself assisting in a rescue mission. The ringleader of the operation is Imperator Furiosa who is trying to save five women from sexual slavery at the hands of the evil tyrant Immortan Joe. The only problem is, Joe wants the women back, and is willing to chase them to the ends of the ...
Apr 13, 2016•45 min
It's episode 34. It's the 1630s in New England. As long as you keep your heart to God, the only thing you have to fear is your entire family being killed by the demonic forces of Satan... The Witch (2016) tells the story of William and his family. Ejected from a settlement of puritans for being too preachy, William's family set up a farm out in the wilderness. But all is not as it seems, and before long, demonic forces begin to test the family, threatening their faith, sanity and lives. We talk ...
Apr 06, 2016•1 hr
If you liked Cloverfield, then you'll love 10 Cloverfield Lane - a movie that has nothing to do with the original Cloverfield except one word in the title! 10 Cloverfield Lane (2016) tells the story of Michelle, a woman who wakes up after a car accident to find she is being kept in an underground bunker by a mad man named Howard. It soon becomes evident that there has been an attack outside of the bunker, so Howard becomes both her prison warden and her salvation - but everything is not as it se...
Mar 30, 2016•1 hr 8 min
It's 32 episodes, but we've finally found a slasher film which stands up to scrutiny - it's You're Next! You're Next (2013) is the story of Erin, who is visiting her boyfriend's wealthy parents and the rest of the family at a secluded mansion in rural America - but trouble is afoot. Before long, they are besieged and murdered one at a time by a gang of men wearing animal masks - and it's up to Erin to forge a survival plan. We talk about the pros and cons of being a weapons dealer; the logistics...
Mar 23, 2016•50 min
We're heading back to Camp Crystal Lake - I hope nothing bad happens... it's Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter! Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter tells the story of a group of teenagers who visit 'Camp Crystal Lake' for a weekend of fun. Whilst there, they are attacked and murdered one-by-one by the marauding Jason Vorhees. - and if that sounds familiar, well done for paying attention. We talk about how its possible for a film series to go backwards in the development of its characters; what m...
Mar 16, 2016•58 min
This week, a movie with a moral compass that would make Ghengis Khan run for the hills... it's Crank! Crank (2006) tells the story of Chev Chelios, a hit man who grew a conscience at the wrong time. After failing to carry out a hit, Chev has been injected with a 'Chinese Poison'. The poison has shut down his adrenaline production and now his heart will stop if he fails to produce his own... so now he's on a runaway rampage of revenge and really unpleasant behaviour. We talk about whether a film ...
Mar 09, 2016•47 min
The wheels on the bus go round and round - and if the slow down the bomb on the bus will blow up! It's Speed! Speed (1994) tells the story of Jack Travers - an LA Cop who messed with the wrong maniac. Now it's up to him to save a bus-load of people from certain doom. As soon as the bus goes above 50mph, the bomb is armed - but if it drops below 50, it's bye bye bus! We talk about cinema's least consistent bad boy; how a man is able to source major technological equipment on a pension; and the di...
Mar 02, 2016•42 min
This week we're covering a horror movie lover's horror movie - it's Scream 2! Scream 2 (1997) picks up a few months after the events of Scream. Sydney is now at university, but finds herself plagued anew by a marauder in a ghost face mask. As is custom, her friends are picked off one-by-one, leading to a final showdown with the killer - but who could it be? We talk about the difficulties of relying on a film's mythology in a murder mystery; the pros and cons of gun ownership when you're being hu...
Feb 24, 2016•40 min
Wake up Sleepyheads! It's time for the remake of a Nightmare on Elm Street! A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) tells the story of A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984). Only this time, it's gorier, more unpleasant, less innovative, less exciting, it makes less sense, has uncomfortable themes, less appealing characters, worse special effects, a worse story, worse setting, worse characters and a worse ending. So look forward to an unbiased and straight-laced review. We talk about a disappointing change i...
Feb 17, 2016•58 min
This week we're getting wet and wild with The Poseidon Adventure! The Poseidon Adventure (1972) tells the story of a capsized super-liner travelling between New York and Athens (Greece, not Georgia). It falls to Reverend Frank Scott to help a group of misfits survive by climbing to the bottom of the ship (which is now the top...) We talk about the likelihood of suffering a fatal heart attack shortly after revealing a world-record breaking talent; the upsetting lack of mettle shown by a maritime ...
Feb 10, 2016•45 min
This week we're keeping warm with The Towering Inferno! The Towering Inferno (1974) is widely considered the greatest of the run of 70s disaster movies. It tells the story of the world's tallest skyscraper, and what would happen if a huge fire started on the 80th floor, with the creme de la creme of San Francisco 50 floors above! We talk about improving the efficiency of a one-person chair lift; the difficulty of forgetting about 6 million gallons of water; and the ease at which a fire can be ex...
Feb 03, 2016•48 min
For Episode 24, we're back in the Wild West, holding off a tribe of cannibal Native Americans. It's Bone Tomahawk! After three people are kidnapped from the town of Bright Hope by a tribe of cave-dwelling creeps, it falls to four men to save the day. They are the town sheriff, his hapless deputy, Jack from Lost and a man with a broken leg. We talk about the difficulty of bridging the gap between horror and any other genres; the merits of calling for reinforcements when heading into any hostile s...
Jan 27, 2016•45 min
It's Episode 23, and we're talking about the latest movie to feature Leonardo DiCaprio sleeping in a horse's carcass: The Revenant. Hugh Glass is in dire straits. He's been attacked by indians, bears and even his colleagues, and now he's been left for dead. The only thing left to do is travel across the great American wilderness, on foot, during the harshest winter imaginable. We talk about the importance of friendship in ensuring a safe and successful Manifest Destiny; the relative merits of hu...
Jan 20, 2016•1 hr 3 min
For Episode 22, we're going South - it's The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974). The film focusses on a group of teenagers on a road-trip through Texas. The group stops to visit an old family farm house, but finds more than they bargained for when they are attacked and murdered by a 7 foot brute with a chainsaw. We talk about the importance of safety around industrial agricultural equipment; the merits of emotional intelligence when dealing with a murderous psychopath; and the benefits of keeping up...
Jan 13, 2016•50 min
It's Episode 21 of How to Survive and that can mean only one thing: It's Friday the 13th Part 3! The film centres around a group of teenagers who head to a campsite on a lake. Once there, they are attacked and murdered by a marauding maniac. Before you say 'that sounds familiar' you should bear in mind that this movie is very different because Jason wears a new mask. We talk about the thin but important line between making friends on the one hand, and alienating everyone around you on the other;...
Jan 06, 2016•51 min
This week we're talking about a 2015 Horror/Comedy based (very loosely) on the Scandinavian legend of Krampus! Krampus (2015) tells the story of a family who have lost their Christmas spirit. Despite the best efforts of the the youngest child, Max, to generate some festive cheer, the group are punished for forgetting the true meaning of Christmas by a shadowy demon called 'Krampus' We talk about the difficulties of bridging horror and comedy; the benefits of remembering one simple and easily ach...
Dec 30, 2015•54 min
This week we're talking about the movie that made Macaulay Culkin the man he is today... it's Home Alone! Home Alone (1990) tells the story of Kevin McCallister, an eight year old boy left alone (at home...) for the Christmas holiday. Which would probably have been fine, were it not for the marauding burglars attempting to break into his house. We talk about why Kevin McCallister is an ideal Treadstone subject; the general incompetence of everyone over the age of 8; and of course, the dangers of...
Dec 23, 2015•52 min
This movie is also known as 'Blackfoot Trail' in some territories. If you haven't seen it, head to howtosurviveshow.com to find a link to your own copy. The movie is from the fringes of the horror genre, but is more than welcome in a discussion about movie survival. Backcountry (2014) tells the story of two hikers, Jenn and Alex, who become badly lost in the Canadian Wilderness. They manage to keep their wits about them for a short time, before they have a run in with a wild black bear! We talk ...
Dec 16, 2015•43 min
This week we're talking about the head, the tail, the whole damn thing... it's Jaws! Steven Spielberg's Jaws (1975) was the first summer blockbuster - and what a blockbuster it was! Jaws tells the story of Police Chief Martin Brody, and his attempts to keep the island town of Amity safe from a marauding great-white with a taste for tourists. We talk about the questionable business acumen displayed by a small-town mayor; the appropriateness of a seaside town hiring a Police Chief with a fear of w...
Dec 09, 2015•53 min
