Couples and Money ft. Our Wives #023

the audience out there. And we actually have some audience questions that we're gonna feature in this episode that we got from our Facebook group, And if you are not a member of the Facebook group yet, you really should sign up. Yeah, man, And hopefully if this goes well too, we'll do some more episodes like this, or like a shorter version where we kind of answer some questions for

folks that right in. I think that'd be awesome. If you've got some questions that you want answered on the show, feel free to shoot an email to us all and we should let people know obviously this is a special episode because our wives are here, right baby, I'm here. Well, we're also we're recording this at the beach on vacation with our families, and so this is kind of a fun treat to get to record an episode while we're chilling together for a week. Yeah. Man, this is the

annual company retreat. Not quite a retreat, but we're all together here in an Airbnb. And this isn't the first time that we've shared an Airbnb as well, but I'll say, Kate, this is maybe one of the smaller airbnbs that we've been in. Yes, we have four kiddo's in one room, two sets abug beds. So this might be a super short podcast. We'll see how that goes. Yeah, let's hope they stay asleep. Are you guys a fan of the tomato motif that they have all over the house? Dude,

there's tomatoes everywhere. Thank you even describe it really, but there's just lots more tomatoes than you would think they could actually include in one space explosion most definitely a tomato explosion. Oh man. And what's great about the house I too, is it does have a pool. So we're in We're at Jack's Beach down in Florida, and sweet pool it's heated, and it's got a little cabana and the name of the cabana is tomatoes spelled backwards, So

we're not joking. Literally, they're tomatoes all over the kitchen, tomato plates and old tomato cans and stuff like that. And then they made the commando tomatoes spelled backwards that the people obviously enjoy tomatoes here, right. I'm it's impressive. I mean, I feel like that's typical for like a standard beach rental. You know what you find on Airbnb. This isn't like the chic monotone. Tomatoes are all over. It's not typical. No, there's so many tomatoes. There's a

tomato wreath. Yeah, literally, it's like a Christmas wreath. But tomatoes red and green. Well, you can't discriminate, right, you gotta have red and green tomatoes. I don't know, But for real, though, this is one way we like to, you know, hang out together as friends and save money at the same time. We were going together get a beach house together. We save a ton of money. We pool our resources, and I mean Kate does a ton of the cooking, which is awesome. You guys enjoyed some

of the meals so far. Yeah, I would say Kate's cookie might be the highlight of our trip next to the beach. Yeah, it's great. Um. And the crazy thing is we have five girls total and then there's four of us. Are nine people in this house to three bedroom, one bath house. There is a small bathroom on the back side of the pool, like that's made of concrete and doesn't feel like a real bathroom. Um, but so it's kind of fun and camp be a little bit,

but we were saving money having fun. Definitely can't be Ye, there's a drain in a bathroom and so the bathroom is a shower and so I don't exactly know how that works, but I think it does. Living that hashtag PNP life dog. Yeah. And something else man that we just scovered, uh totally randomly was the Southern Swells Brewing which is an amazing local craft brewery that has been open for about a year. Uh. Yeah, Joel and I were driving up to Publics to grab a few things

that we forgot and totally stopped in. They were making some awesome beers. We got a flight which was very delicious, and we liked it so much that we we got some beers and brought them home. Yeah, I gotta feature some of these one of these Southern swell beers on the podcast after hitting up their tasting room. Um, and yeah, we hit up the Breweryfortunately the girls were mostly asleep or the wives might have been more upset. Maybe it was fortunate it was during naptime. But you know, we

brought beer back, so I think all as well. So on that note, we should crack it. Yeah. So we got these sixteen ounce four packs, which means we each get a pint. Oh man, Okay, So if you have a vacation rental or an airbnb, just make sure you have at least pint glasses or I mean, ideally you'd have a tulip glass as well. But man, if you had a pint, just some basic pint glasses, I don't want to knocker our house here, but man, it would be great if the cups weren't just red plastic, proper glass.

War would be a major plus. And so next time I'm putting that on our packing list, we're bringing our own toolip glasses. That's pretty nerdy, I know, alright, Matt, So this is pouring like a hazy orange grating up into like a yellow at the top, beautiful, beautiful color. Yeah, I'll go ahead and state that this is it's an I p A. But this is a New England style I PA. So it's got that quintessential sort of hazy, juicy, kind of orange juice looking look to it. So let's

get the flavor reviews first from our wives. Okay, I'll go first. So I don't always love these hazy I p a s, but I really do love this one because I feel like it has more of a pine edge to it, and I'm more about the pine like West Coast I p a s, and this is a little more along that line where some of them, I feel like you're a little too Ora Geane, a little too sweet, a little too thick. This is not this is great. I love this. Yeah, I love it. I think it's great. I love hazy I p A. Actually,

I pas are probably my favorite category of beer. It's nice and juicy, it's perfect to drink on the beach. Yeah. And Emily actually actually introduced me in I PA because when I first met her, I was slumming it with the brown ales and the stouts, and I feel like she kind of introduced me to some of the more bitter beers, and so thanks, thanks, baby, You're welcome. Is that kind of how it starts with like the brown

nails and the stouts, like when you're in college. I feel like I think it starts with a Miller LIGHTE and light as far as getting into the craft beers, maybe even a smart off ice. You just got ice that has like no element of class to it. I think, do you remember turbot Dog? I bet you drink turbo dog Emily in Abida? No? Yes, did you really? Dude? I drink turbo dog all the time when I was living up in North Carolina. That brown ale legit. I would have that. That's when I learned how to drink

beer in the shower, because that was the thing. So I was like, you can you need to have a cold beer in the shower. It's like it's called a shower beer and you'll love it. And I did, what else would you call a beer in the shower? Shower beer sounds appropriate? Did you have a better name for it? Good morning? Oh? No, I shower a night, so it's a it's appropriate. Oh that's true. Yeah, I guess it's good for you. That's why you shower at night so

you can have a beer. I mean, I don't have beer in the shower like every single night, but every now and then it's a it's a nice thing like wine in the bathtub. Makes sense, it's my version of wine in the bathtub. Are there candles and bubbles? No, there is a lutha. So I think we need to take the whole family to that tasting room because you and I had some one by there twice now without the family, while we've been hashtag dead beet dads. I mean, we gotta we gotta pick up stuff at public How

many times have we been up? Oh, we should go to that brewery. Maybe tomorrow and the next day. No, for real, though, I think we're gonna take the whole family because they've got a great tasting room. They've got like that washer toss game. I saw. All I know is I saw other kids running around there, and I think it'll be a blast. Yeah, no, Dad left behind.

You can't leave us. We gotta be there. But seriously, if you're in jack speech, totally check out Southern Swells, great tasting room area and the beers like they've got me a ton of New England style, I geays and then some great sours and other stuff too that their beers were phenomenal. Let's get in the subject in hand. I think people want to hear what our wives think about our oddities with money and uh, like I said,

we had some questions from the Facebook group. The first one was about beer, so let's stick to the beer theme for one second till we actually get into the money. Why not? But Rob said, ladies, what are your favorite beer styles and what styles do you detest? And you want to take this one first? So typically, like I said, I pads are one of my favorite, but currently the summertime, I'm really into the Creature Comforence parody. So they're cherry sour,

so good. I love drinking one of those at the porch on the porch at night after the kids are down. It's perfect beer. I don't like is the Gooza, Goose Goose? What is it the Goza or the Goose? Which one that's really really funky? That's it. Yeah, I'm not into the Goose. I just can't get on board with that funk, which is sad because that's like one of my all time favorite styles. That's the like super funky it takes years to make Belgian style beer that spontaneously ferments, and

I'm a huge fan. But you know what, we still be married, We still get along even though you don't like the Goose. So as I mentioned before, West Coastyle, I pas are rejum for sure. Least favorite detests is a strong word, but least favorite beers are probably Belgian beers in general. I just I can't get behind triples. I really can't. It's just not my thing at all.

And I would have said I don't like any Belgian beers at all, except that you recently had Oha Gosh Curio at home and actually thought that was pretty great. Maybe it was like a nostalgia thing because it's one of the first bigger, more craft beers that I have ever had, But it was pretty great. So maybe I don't have a beer that I did test just a country, just Belgium. Guys, don't ever go there. The beers are terrible.

And if you listen to this podcast, I'm pretty sure you know what beer is Jewel and I like, yeah, let's just move on. If you don't, there's twenty one previous episodes and you can check those out. We've been drinking a lot of good stuff. All right, So first question, and we can alternate who starts first, but uh, I'll ask him this one first. So, M, when did you first realize that my relationship to money is just a

little bit different than the way most people relate to money. Well, I think I kind of knew it right off the bat, because you worked for Clark Howard and worked in the financial realm, and you know, you just were always talking

about money, so I knew it was important. But then as I started to meet your friends and family and they would share some interesting stories about you, I kind of got a better picture of Oh, please do tell I need to hear these of how you thought about money, and I just my favorite one was the one I think you were in college, maybe even high school, and you had invited maybe four or five friends over to grill hamburgers. I will never live this one down, and

you should not ever. So as you had grilled hamburgers, everybody had eating their food, just relaxing, sitting around, and you're like, Okay, that'll be a few dollars for the coal that we used. You charmed all of your friends charcoal, Yes, charged all of your friends. The charcoal you had used to grilled their burgers after they had eaten Kingsford Scrooge over here. Man. No one knew it was coming before you had invited them, So I just I thought, uh,

there's some interesting thoughts he's got about money. True story. I'm ashamed of it now, I will admit, and I think I've grown a little bit since those days, hopefully so. But yes, Okay, that's a good that's a good place to start. I like that. It's kay. How about you? Were there any red flags that popped up early on when we first uh I started dating, were engaged? Let's hear it. Well, we're going to back up before dating

or engaged to the first time I met Matt. He was wearing shoes that had previously been thrown away by his dad. There are old gray new balances that Matt had repurposed into sandals by cutting off the backs, and does no the toes still existed. The toes were partially there, so they had blown out, and you were like, who's that hottie in the funky new sandals? Right? I mean? I was like, how can how is no one saying

anything about this? What is his deal? And so I found out right away that like he just needed some shoes one day and just wanted them to be sandals. But that's all he had at the moment, so he

just like made it happen. I will say I'm pretty sure I was ahead of my time because I think a couple of years after that, I saw some sneakers that literally were created that way, that were manufactured without the backs all the way down to the soul, and they, you know, they look like the broken stock clogg sort of, but they were tennis shoes. That was me. That was

my idea, You're welcome new balance. That's definitely true. It became a thing after that, and it was clear that like, he didn't choose to make these sandals because he couldn't afford sandals. It was more because it was the principle here, and these shoes were perfectly good and he was just gonna wear them. I'm all about that principle. I respected that even though it was just really bizarre. Did they smell weird? I never got so close. This also might

explain my cut off shorts that I tend to. Dude, We're in Florida and I did not bring my georts missed opportunity wondering what they were. I do have my other cut off shorts, but I mean, when you're done with pants, repurpose them, right, That's just part of That's one of the tenants recycle reusers. I don't know what is it? Reduced users? Yes, that that I mean hopefully you kind of you know, grown to love that and

who I am? Any other any other things you want to share so many but I feel like we should move on. Okay, okay, one more so. The first time Matt, Matt used to take me in his car to church on Sundays, and when we got in his jeep, I realized there was like this live wire and this toggle switch between the driver's seat and the passenger's seat. And I reached for it and said, what does this do? And men that don't touch it? It's live, that's the

shock wire. Don't touch that. Turns out the radiator fan was now working in his jeep, so instead of getting it fixed at the dealership or at any other place, he rigged it himself to a little toggle switch between the seats and he would turn it on himself to cool down the engine when it needed it. It's just one of many they're just so many. I don't even

know where to go with it. That's right, I mean, you don't need the fan to run all the time, just when the temperature starts creeping up towards the pink the orange. I think we could just change the name of this episode to Kate's List and just just run through it real quick. You want to do that? Uh, now we'll move on. You got Emily's. You have a one more thing that you want to share about Joel? Anything weird. We've had a recent adventure in car wrapping.

Those of you who may not know, like I did not know, you can actually take your car to go get wrapped in an advertisement and then you get paid for however many miles you put on your car. So Joel had been talking about this for a while and he decided to go with it, and we got our car wrapped, a little Nissan leaf wrapped in a big, huge advertisement for Salesforce. And it's like, shout out Salesforce. You don't get paid for that, there's no bonus there.

And so I see him pull up and you know, are black, small, tiny and conspicuous car is now blue with this giant bear on the back. And some fluffy clouds that on the side. Big advertisement. Dude, it's cute. Though I saw it. I was like, when I saw it, I was just like, that's actually not that bad. It looked prety cute. If you're going to be a mobile advertisement, it's not bad. It's it's somewhat classy. It could be a lot worse. Uh, it could be a lot worse.

But you're just probably used to me, my hair brained ideas to make a little bit of extra money or save a little bit extra money, like those come along. How often would you say, oh, I mean daily, I mean I really can't even keep counting. I should keep a little notebook. But it was kind of like, okay, well, we'll give this experiment a try for these two months and see how it goes, and we'll report back on that the other way. So okay, I will say it's

garnished a lot of attention. Kids like it. The girls like it. They think it's cute because there's these little stuffed animal looking things on the very back of the car, and they're like, Daddy, your car is like blue now and it's got these little animals, and so they kind of dig it um. But if they were a little bit older, they might be completely embarrassed. Our neighbors are just mostly confused, So we've had playing a few times what's going on. But they're down with it, so that's good.

They also know how weird I am. I think, so it flies. Then the next question is from Chelsea, and this is also posted on our Facebook group, and so she asked, do you have any advice for newlyweds in handling finances together? I'm go ahead to mention this as well. I mean, this is a big reason why we we're having our wives on to to talk with us as well, is because talking through finances with your spouse or with a significant other, it's just kind of tricky sometimes, and

you know, we don't have it all figured out. But I think it's definitely helpful for folks to hear from our wives kind of how we talk about things, and at least there will be some insights that you folks can kind of maybe garner from these conversations. But yeah, Kate, so do you have any advice maybe for newlyweds who are talking about their finances together for the first time together. I think if you have just gotten married or you're

just dating. I think it's good to take that time to do the hard work in the beginning, like go ahead and hash out where you've been financially, how you're raised financially, what that makes you think when it comes to spending your money, how you spend your money and why.

And I just think like talking through you can't talk about it enough, really, like you've got to really get everything on the table so that when it comes time to make a budget, you know where the other person is coming from and you can be sensitive and kind when it comes to setting amounts for certain things or making goals or coming together on a certain vision. Yes,

I totally agree with Kate. I think self awareness is a big part of talking about money because really money represents a lot of things, security, or the way you were raised. Like, money is not just about numbers, obviously, it's it comes with a lot of attachments. So you need to be aware of kind of how you view money and what's important to you, and then just communicate, communicate, communicate.

I mean I feel like we had to talk about things and then go back and think about what the other person said and then come back and talk about them again. And I think a perfect example of that when we were newly married is that I had wanted a new pair of running shoes and because mine were

completely worn out and like my great new balances. Only if only I had known that were available, maybe it would have taken those um but I had wanted a new pair of shoes and I was going to the store to buy them, and you kind of jumped on me and was like, you know, you need a research and find a good deal. You can't just go out and buy the shoes. And that hurt my feelings because I was like, well, I need this. I'm not just

being frivolous. What about you know these new geans that you just bought in the speer that you just bought and two Joel, what it was important when you were shopping is that you got a discount. And to me, I was just thoughtful about my purchases. So it wasn't as personal as it felt in the moment. It's not really as personal. You know, we're on the same team and that's important to remember. We just had to talk through, well what did the shoes represent to me and what

did it represent to you? And so yeah, I just totally agree with Kate said, be self aware and communicate continually about what the money is actually attached to, because that's really where the fights go. That's awesome. Yeah, I think that. Uh, Like for me, when I was like super young and we weren't married, it was easy to not have a budget and to just kind of be frugal and and know that, you know, most of my money was going into savings and planning for future events.

So then when we got married, I wasn't keeping a very good budget because I was only buying things really that were meaningful to me. And then so when we got married, it was your completely taking into account someone else. And that takes a lot of talking, and that takes a lot of intentionality, and it also I think for us took a lot of actually putting numbers down on

paper because we were talking past each other. Or I think the fact that we didn't have a good budget to go off of that that really hurt us for the first year of marriage because we couldn't point to specific things. It was it was more theory. It was more you know, oh, this happened yesterday or last week, but we didn't actually you know, have numbers to go on. That kind of solidified where we were putting our funds, and so yeah, I think for us it really helped

to communicate about money when we actually saw things on paper. Hey, you're spending this much on this, and that's important to you. And you know what, we each have our own separate amounts that we can spend each month now, and that just gives a lot of freedom as opposed to, you know, questioning every purchase that each other makes. Now we have a fund or a certain amount allotted right that it

doesn't matter how you spend that. And if you need help finding a deal or whatever, I'm happy to help you. But if you just want to go out and do your thing, that's great. And I buy an eighteen dollar bottle of beer or something, and you're probably think that's crazy, but it's part of my budget, so it works. I just like to mention that Emily shook her head, yes when you said by an eighteen dollar Bolli beer and

you think that's crazy. So I was just gonna say, just don't date anyone with us credit score less than like seven. I mean, that would just be an easier way to do it, right. There's no doubt that I had a credit score less than that when we started dating actually would be reasonable advice to think. I mean, no, I agree with y'all. I think what y'all said is great. Can you touch on this as well? You mentioned goals.

I think that's so huge, right, and so Joel. I mean, we've we've done an episode recently about the why behind money. I think when you identify what it is that you're working towards, you've you've created a goal essentially, right, And then when you when you have a spouse or a significant other and you're working towards that goal. And so I mean, so if you've achieved that goal together, then your team you're working together, and you can achieve so

much more when you're both on the same page. You're both going after something, and that changes everything. I totally agree with Matt. And to flip the inverse of that is to say, you know you're not when you disagree, you're not working against each other. It's not personal these disagreements. That's why it's so important to communicate because I think sometimes if Joelda don't want to spend money on me, or spend money the way I want to spend it, it can feel personal. But it's not. We're on the

same team. You know, we're not only working towards these goals together. If there's a disagreement, we're still on the same team. And so it's so important to communicate because it's it's not personal necessarily. Yeah, Joel just doesn't hate your tennis shoes, right right. He doesn't want me to not run. He just wanted me to get a deal.

And I will say to the conclusion of that story was that I said, Okay, that's fine, you have two days to find me a pair of tennis shoes at a discount, and if you can't, then I'm going to buy the shoes that I want. And he came through, and in two days he found me the exact pair of tennis shoes that I wanted specifically with like a twenty five dollar off keupon So I was really impressed. I mean, that's kind of my gift. I'm not gonna lie keeper, which I think I mentioned at one point

in the previous episode. The most difficult thing I had to deal with money wise was I loved finding a deal, and so sometimes I would buy things that I didn't need just because they were a deal. And that's a terrible way to live as well. And so I've really cut down on a lot and just kind of avoiding purchasing and and also sometimes spending more on things that I think will ask me a lot longer. But that

is my gift. If you need a deal, if you need a coupon code, if you need to find something cheaper, let me know. I'll hunt it down for you. Man, it is a gift. You're like all about the chase, right, like the you like the thrill of the hunt, like a cheetah in that way. What do I do when I get it? I don't know, it goes in the closet. I know we've passed it or a syncrasies question, but this does remind me at the time you ordered like ten boxes of cheese it's on the internet because they

were on sale. They were delivered to the front door and I opened it up and was like, what is this and where do I keep these cheese its? You don't even have kids then, right, no, no, but two adults gonna eat tin boxes and cheese. I love cheesus the perfect snack with craft. So piggybacking sort of off that question, then do you feel like our conversations about

money have progressed over the years. Yes, definitely. I feel like they are more factual now, less emotional honestly, because we've dealt with a lot of the baggage that we have regarding money, and so I feel like when we talk about it now we know, like and we were saying, like, we're on the same team no matter what, so we don't really need to feel as personally offended if if

we disagree. So yeah, I feel like they've gotten the conversations have gotten less emotional and shorter because it's just like, oh, wait, the grocery budget isn't working out because there's so many diapers, so we need to up by twenty bucks a month. Okay, cool done. Yeah, I completely agree. I feel like our conversations have become a little more automated because, like you said, we know that we are on the same team, and then if something if there is something that kind of

pops up, it's sort of automatic. We just know that like, okay, this this sort of needs to be done now. There isn't a huge conversation that needs to take place, and we just kind of make a quick decision and then move on. Yes, and that comes from shared goals that we've hashed out over hours and hours and have agreed on.

And so those goals are stated now and we can kind of look back at them and kind of assess what changes we want to make how it lines up with those goals, and we can do that pretty analytically

at this point. So that's actually a lot easier. It's a lot less like philosophical and broad than it was in the beginning, where we really had to have conversations about how we feel about certain things, and those conversations were super important, and I'm glad that we spent so much time having those conversations, But now it doesn't really

look like that for the most part. I will say that the hours and hours thing is like really important, right If you want to be really good at something, it takes a lot of time, and so those conversations, having them over time, like the first year, you probably won't be very good at them, um, but hopefully you can learn quickly and gather wisdom from other other places.

But the more you talk, the more you keep the lines of communication open, the more you you're probably gonna out down here and there, But the more you can reopen them quickly and start talking about those things again. You know, the more likely you are to get on the same page more quickly, and so uh spending time doing the hard work talking about those things. Sitting down with a good beer and chatting about money and where

what your goals are right like that? Those are those are huge things in the process of becoming better at communicating as a couple about money. Yeah, I think maybe a cup of coffee rather than that beer. It's probably my we could do pour over not poor. And one final thing I want to say to newlyweds. I think it's a big question of whether you have everything in the same account or separate accounts, and kind of how you handle those things. And I think part of that

depends on the couple in particular. If you're older getting married, usually like let's say you're in your late twenties, thirties, uh, forties, whatever, and you've been living on your own for quite some time and used to spending money in your own way and handling your own finances, I think it's okay to keep your accounts separate, but I think ultimately it is a good goal to strive for in marriage to have your accounts together. I know, it just can be harder

to to marry those accounts. Like the older that you get, you know, the more time you've had living on your own under your own uh financial rules and regulations. But that's definitely a conversation that you should have talk about the pros and cons of combining into one account or keeping your finances separate. But really, when you're entering into

a marriage, you're combining so many things. You're creating a new family, and so I think ultimately the best thing to do is to work towards having a one account and everything flowing together. But certainly that comes down to a personal decision. That's what we have both chosen to do as couples. But you know, definitely think through it. That's an important decision that needs to be made as newlyweds okay a newly wed or otherwise. Like, you can

make this decision at any point in your relationship. You don't have to be newlywed or dating or even recently married. Like, if you've decided that this is the direction we're going to go together, you start whenever you start, and you just pick up. You start having hard conversations. It doesn't matter if you're ten years in, you just decide together that you're going to do it, and then you just go for it. You just dive right in, have those

conversations and start figuring some things out. You don't have to be newly with. I know this was a newly wedd advice question, but I really think you can start this at any point and and it can so be beneficial. Yeah, and I totally agree with Kate and to kind of tie together what Kate Angel are saying. I think the reason we think it's important is because trust is really

important when it comes to combining money. You're living your life so closely with your partner, whether you have separate accounts or not, you have to trust your teammate, and so you need to start asking those questions, as is Kate saying. At any point you can do that, but trust is pretty fundamental to combining your finances and communicating about it and self awareness. These are all really important factors for anyone in any relationship dealing with their income together.

Nice man, that's so true. I love that, all right. Next question comes from Katie also on our Facebook page. She wants to know what's been our biggest financial disagreement. M this is kind of a tough one, I would say so again being newly married. I don't think we had huge blow ups over money, but we had a lot of small, little TIFFs where we had to continue to communicate and work things out. So that kind of

comes to mind. But the biggest disagreement that I can think of recently is probably over whether or not we should buy Atlanta United season tickets. All snap we are and so many of our friends had tickets, and we went back and forth and back and forth, and Joel really wanted him, and I just did not feel like it was a wise decision for where we were at the time to spend money on that. Plus I just don't know that much about soccer. I'm really getting into it,

and I love Atlanta United. It just was not my passion like it was Joels necessarily, So it just took a lot of conversations. I wouldn't say it was a huge fight or this huge disagreement. We just probably talked about it every three days for a few weeks as to whether or not we should do it, and we just finally decided no. If we weren't both on board, It was not a great decision. Yea. I mean I

think it was good for us too. It's good for us to you know, talk through something like that for a long time and come to a conclusion that, you know, it works for both of us because we're both in it. That's a big purchase and uh, I certainly don't have enough in my line item of the budget to justify that, and so it would have been something both of us would have had to really take on and consider. And so we came to the right conclusion for us. And so I think we ended up with some of my

like birthday money or something. I bought a four pack of cheap seats and so that was kind of like the middle ground for us. And you know, I got to go to a few games this year, and um, it's been a lot of fun, and you know, not having season tickets, really it hasn't been that big of a deal. Kind of you might cry a little bit on game date. I mean seriously, though, that's a conversation we had to have. We also talked about it every

three days for three weeks. Yeah, that's right. But I mean ultimately we spent a lot of time talking about it, and we identified that this was something that we both wanted to do right. It's something that we were both behind.

It was just more of a matter of how much we're willing to spend right, and so we were both wanted to do it, and it was just like, well, we're gonna spend this much, We're gonna spend double this for better seats, and for us that was a tougher conversation because it kind of came down to the numbers.

I think our biggest financial disagreement recently. I feel like this is what Emily was saying to It's not necessarily that we had this big disagreement, just that it was more of something we had to talk about a lot longer then maybe it seems like we should have talked about it, but we've talked for a long time about having Airbnb and our basement we're thinking about adding an apartment to our basement is no longer apartment that Matt

is going to egg out by hand, thankfully. I don't know if you listen to that episode, but we're not doing that anymore. Somebody's going to build an apartment in our basement, which is a shame because Worth the Beach and Matt has been digging like math. He's so good at digging. I really like digging guys, and he's really taught the girls. I mean, you could have some little four year old helpers, and that made by example that

might be against child labor laws. I don't know. Our family isn't going to dig out our basement but someone else's. And so we talked for a long time about airbnb and the incompetential with it, as well as the drawbacks of it, and I was more on the I had problems with the privacy of it, and I was a little worried about the noise issues. I didn't want our girls to feel like they're walking on eggshells if there

was someone in our basement. So we've talked through a lot of that and worked out some privacy solutions and um drawn some lines of responsibility of who's going to do what, and it made me comfortable finally to go ahead and pull the trigger to start that process. So I think that's something that we didn't necessarily disagree about, but we didn't both understand how it is going to work best for our family or agree what we needed to do. That's probably most recently what we've disagreed slash

talked about most. Yes, So I will say these are these things that are are big disagreements that seems pretty trivial, I think, probably compared to what a lot of people are going through, have gone through, or what they've seen, you know, modeled by you know, their parents or other people that they look up to, even who have had

big financial struggles. And I've seen those financial struggles in other people and in people that I look up to and admire, and so yeah, we've been really fortunate that we haven't had any major, knockdown, drag out financial disagreements. Uh. The key, uh, you know, if there are major student loans or you know, big credit card debt they're getting into a relationship with is to be open and honest

about it so that you can tackle it together. And I think that's probably the biggest thing that hinders a relationship is dishonesty. And so if you are not honest with your partner about the financial struggles of your past, or the debt that you're bringing into the relationship, or your credit score, whatever it is, those things you should be brought up over time. Your partner, if they're a good committed partner, They're not going to run away from you.

When you come with honesty, they will want to meet you there and we'll want to work on it together. And so becoming a team when it comes to finances. Uh, that's the goal. Again, we don't do it perfectly, but you know, we're working on it and we're getting there, and we have to have these long drawn out discussions about you know, building an airbnb in our basement or buying soccer tickets, whatever it may be. But ultimately honesty is the best policy and is crucial when it comes

to some of these financial discussions. Yeah, so that was the biggest you know, sort of disagreement, or at least the access that we sort of go through when we are faced with opposing opinions at least. So for you guys, what joy have you experienced from the way that you

guys handle your finances. Yeah, that's a great question. The first thing that comes to mind is this, we've had some freedom to travel, and because we've been smart and cut back in particular areas, it's allowed us to do things like go on vacation like we are now, or to just kind of enjoy go out to dinner when we want and not be stressed about it. So that's

just kind of like small daily joys. But I think a huge joy that it's provided me is that Joel being smart about money and being willing to work hard with the Reynolds and kind of hustle where he does. I'm able to stay at home. My income isn't relied upon, and so I do work outside of the home, but very very part time. And that's actually just a really huge joy that we don't have the burden of needing

two incomes, that I have an incredibly flexible schedule. If something's one of my kids are and they can't go to school, there's just I'm really flexible to be there. It's just a lifestyle I really appreciate and really and thankful for his foresight. That's kind of allowed me really some kind of financial independence, which I know we'll talk about, but that's it's kind of allowed that for me already

in a sense, and that's a huge joy. Yeah, that's what I'm truly thankful about with the way we handle our finances more than anything more than a vacation or you know, and we talked about on the way of money, there's a few things that Emily and I value the most. And and those are the things that other people might not care about at all, like travel or folk art I mentioned in that episode. Uh, And we put some

of our money towards those things every year. But ultimately, in my opinion, nothing matters more than being able to choose whether you work or not. And and um, you know, I always want you to work if you want to work, but the great thing is you don't have to. And so it's been really awesome for you to be home with our girls for the most part. And and what that's done for us lifestyle wise and community wise, how we've been able to participate in our community as opposed

to you know, both working fifty hours a week. Rental properties were a huge part of that has just been the greatest joy for me in in finances and and the way we handle our money. All right, Kay, what's the biggest joy you have experienced from the way your family handles your money? I think rather than joy, I might say freedom, which I think you guys mentioned too. I think there's been a lot of freedom that has

come from the way we handle our finances. I think it's been for me I before we came into this relationship, I kind of had this perspective that you like, spend as little as you can, and anytime I did spend money, I kind of felt guilty about it. Anytime I went out, I didn't really enjoy myself because I felt like I

should spend as little as I could. But I think with with the way that Matt views money, we get to choose an amount to spend on something, and the way I view it is more like, this is the amount of money I have to spend on this, And I think that's been a huge shift for me in the way I have view money like this is what I have decided to spend, and I can spend it guilt free. And money is not about gil is about the decisions that we've made together and the goals that

we've set together and us achieving those. And so there's been so much freedom in that for me that I don't feel this skill all the time when I go out and and spend money. Yeah, I just I so appreciate what Kate just said, because I remember we talked about this a long time ago. Kate just saying there's freedom and and spending this amount you need to spend this amount because you've budgeted. And that's just been really helpful for me to know that you don't need to

feel guilty. You don't need to feel guilty about this, Like it's in the budget and this is the purpose, So go for it. Okay, I'm glad you mentioned that too, because it actually makes me think of so the practical advice for the newlyweds. This is sort of maybe a more practical thing for folks to consider. But I would even suggest going to some sort of financial seminar or something like that, right, like you go, but if you're looking at marriage, you're you go through pre marriage counseling.

I mean, with money being the number one reason why couples fight and get an arguments and and why relationships suffer, like, that's something that you need to invest time and effort and energy into. And we didn't mention this earlier, but this is something I mean, that's something that Kate and I did before we got married. We went this is sort of why I have the Dave Ramsey drop out moniker,

uh you know on my name. But Kate and I went to the Dave Ramsey like event and I was, man, I was all about the Dave Ramsey planned and that was sort of how we started talking about money. Since then, we have changed. We definitely do things that don't align with the Dave Ramsey way. Uh, and that's fine, but for us that got us. That was a huge way that got us talking about money and sort of put it on the table as something that we could address.

It wasn't just this thing that was unspoken and something that we never talked about. So yeah, I don't know, I just wanted to mention that real quick, because that's maybe a practical thing to to consider as uh, a financial counseling session or a financial seminar or something like

that where the basics are addressed. Yeah, or listening to a great podcast together, or reading a good book together, Like there are some fantastic financial resources, many of which are free at your local library or on your podcast app. And going through something like that together, going through some specific topic ideas when that in relation to money, I mean, that's a great way to then you know, discuss them afterwards.

That's super helpful. They can often give you kind of a base level of information and then something to then discussed together as a couple. I would say, also just talking about money with friends has been really huge and very helpful for us as well. Money can be a really sensitive, kind of taboo topic, but to be able to put it on the table and to talk to friends has really taken out some of the mystery and

stress from it. So like, for example, Kate is just amazing in the kitchen and is great with a budget on what she spends with food, and I've just asked for a lot of help like how do you cook what and how do you combine this and what do you spend? And that has been and really insightful and helpful. And it's just there's great expectations of as friends who have kids who are a little bit you know, further along than we are. What do I expect for expenses

here there? You know? What purchases do I really need for my kids? What do I not need? So community really has been invaluable, and and knowing how to talk about money together as a couple too. It's really has

been a group process in a lot of ways. And by the way, there were some great questions on the Facebook group about kids and meal planning and saving money on groceries, and we'll get to those hopefully in future episodes, but we really wanted to stick to kind of the core topic of couples and money and so on that note, Connor had a question and said, do you guys agree as a couple on the goal of financial independence? Matt, I'll let y'all take that one first. Yeah, Connor, that's

an awesome question. And so first I think we'll go ahead and sort of define at least what financial independence is for Kate and I, which is for us, it's having the option to continue working and the work that we're doing, or to potentially scale back and have more time to ourselves. For us, it's really about having the option to do the kind of work that we want to do, and and and even to do as much

or as little work as we want to do. I don't know if that's the best definition, but I mean that's the definition we're going to work from for this question. For us, it's okay, what are your thoughts? I think we do agree on what financial independence looks like for us, Like, it doesn't look like not working anymore, it doesn't look

like retirement. It it looks like working where we want to work as often as we want to and having our time at our own fingertips and not sacrificing that for financial independence a little bit earlier, where we could, you know, we could work harder now and be financially independent, be willing to be in the position to choose what we do and how often we do it a little bit sooner. But um, we're choosing to balance that a little bit with the time we have with our girls now.

At the ages that they are, I think they need a lot of physical presence and that's something that we've had to discuss, not necessarily because we disagree, but just because we needed to figure out for our family what made the most sense for the ages that we're dealing with right now. Yeah, okay, I mean that's awesome. That's something we have talked about and we are in agreement there.

It's financial independence is something that we want to achieve, but not at the expense of the short term goals. This isn't something we have to revisit and talk about because we feel that our goals have changed. It is just because sometimes it's easy to lose that vision of

what we want our life to look like now. And so what I mean by that is, like you hear about vision leak when it comes to like marketing and things like that, you have to kind of remind people what the goal is, what what you want to do, what message you want to send out with marketing, I mean for our lives. It's the same thing. We stated that there are certain values and certain goals that we

want to prioritize now. But the world and our jobs and just everything around us pulls on us and in the other direction to to spend our time elsewhere, and so it's easy to find ourselves in this cycle of buzziness and NonStop schedules and work and just everything that kind of comes along with life. And so the discussions we have are essentially to kind of recenter us, not to have these discussions for the first time. So it's

just like a tune up. The discussions we have tend to be more of a I would say, like a tune up. Yeah, I agree with that. I think it's interesting when you have a variable income and when you work for yourself. I think we have the potential of overworking ourselves just by choice of going for this financial independence goal as hardness fast as we can. We can make that decision to work a lot more than we do, so It is a very it's an active conversation that

we're kind of always engaged in. We talked about it a lot, and we're constantly looking at the calendar. When can Matt book? When can Matt not book? And so I think it's for us. It's just is very tangible thing that we're constantly talking about because when we don't work, we don't make money, and when we do work, we do so it seems like, oh, we could work all the time, but choosing to network has been super valuable for us, and I think, um a really hard decision, honestly. Yeah,

Kate Will said, how about you guys. So I think we agree on the goal of financial independence when we define that as freedom right. Freedom is a gift really in so many different ways. So when you have the freedom to choose how you want to work and how you want to make money and what you can kind of do with your time, I think we're all for that.

I don't think financial independence is the idol in which we sacrifice everything on our all of our budget and all of our energy is not directed towards that, Like, we aren't on that train a percent, because life happens and we need to we have unexpected expenses, or sometimes we want to go over budget for this trip, and that's more important than reaching finance independence by a certain date.

So I do think it is the goal we have in mind, and we agree upon that, and I think we are more frugal in some areas because we do want that to happen. But we have to be human about it. There's a lot of humanity in that as well. And sometimes, you know, you have to take your two year old to the doctor and two dollars to get X ray to be told that she can't poop. So life happens, you know, and you just have to be able to ride that train and not be deep railed.

So wait, you're two year old or Joel, Well, I don't want to embarrass them or two year old. So yes, we agree on that goal, but it's not what dictates all of our budget in all of our life. Yeah, I think, you know, the financial independence space is growing so much. It's such a popular thing to talk about,

and it's such a noble goal. I think first we have to realize that we live in a time and a place, in an age where it's possible for some people, and that's kind of amazing and magnificent in this way that you know, for a lot of human history and for a lot of people right now, it's not possible.

And so I think it takes a lot of humility and perspective just to understand the fact that it's kind of a modern convenience and possibility that financial independence at an early age and your you know, thirties or forties or fifties is is possible. That's kind of crazy and new, and so I think that that needs to be said. And so I think for us, you know, knowing that that's the case, but seeing that it is a possibility, I think it is you know, a worthwhile aim for

us and for a lot of people. Really it's it's not terribly hard to seek under the constraints of a normal salary with you know, you know, one income or one and apart income. And I think that's amazing, Like, that's that's really really crazy and cool. But again I think, just like Emily said, like, if that's your your end goal, if that's the end all be all in my life

will be fantastic. Once I am financially independent, once I am tired early at the age of forty two, or whatever it is, if that's your goal and your sole focus, once you hit that market forty two, you're gonna be pretty bummed out because it's not going to meet all your expectations. And so, you know, I think it is a worthy aspiration, but I think, just like we've been talking about, it is something that needs to be changed

over time and discussed with your partner. And and if you need to delay financial independence because you've got a crazy doctor, Bill, or because you just have other decisions you need to make in your life that work best for your family, man, those are decisions that are important and you shouldn't, you know, sacrifice the well being of your family just for you know, reaching that financial independence

number at an earlier time. For the record, I just want to say that Bill was two nineteen dollars to find out she was constipated. So do you guys have any other I guess some final thoughts before we wrap this up. My final thoughts would just be really a summary of what we've said in so many different ways.

It is just to take the time to communicate, to communicate with yourself what you think about money, your expectations, your own goals, and then communicate with your partner as well, because the way you spend money is not just about the money. It's really indicative of a lot of things of the way you view the world, of way you

view your time, of the way you view yourself. And so that just takes a little bit of extra communication and and that's that's just gonna take some time, and that's going to take some processing, and it's probably gonna be a little messy and maybe uncomfortable when you do with your partner or even friends, but it's worth the effort and just jump in. Yeah, I mean, I think that's great advice. I think to it, it's going to

take humility on both sides of the coin. And so whether it's your previous money mistakes or something that your partner has done that you disagree with or you think was a terrible idea, and it affects both of you, it takes a lot of humility to enter into those conversations and to be gracious to the person that you

love and care about. But you have to enter into those conversations about mone me with that perspective and remember that money issues, obviously, as Matt mentioned earlier, are one of the major reasons that lead to fights among couples, and the only way to kind of back that down is to remember that this is the person I love the most, and so the money problem that you're having right now, you can get through it. The person is more important than the problem that's right in front of

your eyes. Guys, that's that's some awesome stuff. And I will say to listen back to episode twelve. Uh, that's the episode we talked about the why behind money and some of the stuff too. You may not even know yourself and so it's hard to talk about it with your spouse or a significant other when you're not totally sure why you are even doing this yourself, right, Like

what are your goals yourself? You need to have thought about these things some when you come to that conversation so you can kind of be willing to share and to have these goals that you can both work towards. It takes a lot of self awareness to even have these discussions. So back to the beer. Yeah, so again tonight we drank bulletproof Denali from Southern Swells Brewing Company, a local brewery right down the street from where we're staying here in Jack's Beach. This is a New England

style India, pale ale and absolutely delicious. We all finished them something quicker than others. And uh, I was very thirsty, I think is again I'm hydrated from the beach and beer. Kirsty hydration rights beer and coffee. That's what I heard. Yeah, I was delicious. Man, that was so good. And uh, this definitely makes me want to take our next beach vacation here in Jack's Beach again. When can you go

to the beach and have legit fantastic beer. And I don't think it's just because we happen to stumble upon it, you know when we were going to the store and just we're like, oh, what's that, let's go check it out. I think I can honestly say that this is very good beer. This is very very good stuff. It totally is. I might have to go pick them up to take home with me. Yeah, ladies, thank you all so much

for recording with us. This is totally awesome and a fun way to spend a night uh here at the beach, right, what do y'all think? Yes, it was great. Yeah, that was a lot of fun. And like I said, there's gonna be other topics you know, from kids to groceries and stuff like that, and we'll bring our wives back on for some of those conversations because it's been a lot of fun. Thanks so much for listening everyone, We really appreciate it. Our home on the web is how

to money dot com. As always, we'll have some notes up there for this show, and don't forget to review our podcast on Apple Podcast that just helps other people find out about how to Money. We'd really appreciate it. Also, hit the subscribe button while you're there. Yeah, So until next time, Cheers, guys, Cheers, cheers. Best Friends Out, Best Friends Out.