"Five's a Crowd" Recap Season 5, Episode 23

Aye, ye, hey, sweeten, what's up?

Hi? Okay, let me tell you last night the thunder and lightning. I'm pretty sure it struck our house somewhere, Like it was so immediate, like it was flash bank. Yeah, like right on top of us. It was crazy and it lasted for like forty five minutes.

It was crazy. Yeah. Yeah, I'll wake you up out of a dead slumber and you're just like, yees, what emergency is happening?

Now? I know, I know it's been so great. Like I'm looking outside and it's rainy and wet a hole and it feels like fall, and next week we'll be back to seventy five. Look, I've gotten my slip on shoes. Now I'm eating cashan pie. Just let me take out my dentures and call.

It your mouth tape. You're doing mouth tap.

The mouth type works so good. The mouth type works. Like now, if I start to go to sleep and I don't have it, I'm like, oh wait, serious, I have not.

I saw the other day.

Here we go everyone from poison berries to nasal cavities. Uh no, your your your nose is designed to filter things properly. Your mouth away. So when you breathe through your nose in the in the way that nature intended. It's better for your sinuses. And you're in all of that. Okay, you don't sleep happening. I feel so well rested.

Real I'm gonna try, Michael do it.

I was like, this is tape your mouth shut. That's right. This just feels like some thiss, like some patriarchal nonst you know. Shut no, no, I will attest, and I am not a person who easily closes my mouth weight. I taped life.

Changing wow, wow, and you got it.

The key. The key is to get the I got mine the Skinny Confidential podcast. She gave me mine. And it's got like a little kind of slit in the middle where your lips are so you can like breathe in through your mouth. If it's not like a panicky feeling where you're like, oh, like there's you can intake air. But it just keeps your mouth closed enough that it's more comfortable to breathe through.

So you're not you're not sleeping like a wide mouth bass with ah.

That's exactly why, Oh my god, I yeah, because that would be like I can like unhinge my jaw. You know what I mean, it's really ridiculous, okay, kid. And I only know this because Miscal takes pictures of me when I sleep in public places especially, and then sends them to me at later dates. What happens? I know I sleep at a really unattractive one.

What about if you have a nightmare and you need to scream, because that's sometimes I'll scream when I have nightmares, so can you.

I don't scream when I have nightmares, and I tend I unfortunately have not as much anymore, but uh, I had pretty much every night I would have really awful nightmares. Uh And and I just like run and like move in my I'm like always raining. I don't yell.

Yeah, yeah, you're a runner. I've I've done the running, I've done the screaming. I don't sleep walk. But I'm wondering if mouth tape will solve all of this, Like maybe it's.

Look, I don't know, but it can't hurt.

It can't hurt. Okay, I'll try it. Michael's been having trouble waking up with sinus issues, so maybe I.

Should I tell you I I have yeah, mouth tape, just saying everybody mouth tape you give me cocoa floss, I'll give you a mouth tape and uh we will enter it slip. I'm pretty sure that's what the three wise men brought. At least two of the three was cocoa flows and mouthape. And they were like, you're gonna need this.

Slip on shoes.

Slip on shoes. Now that's what three wise women would.

Yes, let the story.

You need to bend over to put on your shoes. You're gonna sleep better with his mouth.

Tape, and your dental hygiene will be to d hygiene.

It's gonna be excellent.

This is the gift that you don't keep.

Your mouth shut if you have lost your teeth.

I mean that there's an order to things, like you put on your shoes, you take off your shoes, you floss your teeth, then you put on your mouth tape.

Right, and because your shoes slip on, you can even be flossing your teeth while kicking off your ship.

You can multitask. Oh. Yes, is like where we writing the story.

Everybody, Merry, Merry Christmas, Happy holidays. Go watch us, uh, and then we'll gift each other Google.

This is how we do the holidays here at Dannertos.

I wish it were that simple, you know, great check that off better.

Than a candle, like, you know, if you have, like, if you need to like or something. I like a good candle too. But if who were we talking with? Oh it was the Keenan and Lake and Girl the when we were doing Keenan and Lake Friends Friends Giving, we're talking about was it with you? Maybe I was talking with somebody else about generic gifts. I'm having an elderly moment, right, I.

Don't know, I don't know. It could have been me and we could have talked about at the beginning of this podcast twelve minutes ago and I wouldn't remember.

So well, let's just get to the show. I mean, we're really, we're really, you know.

Let's do that before people go I think they finally We're still go listen to uh the Keenan and Lincoln Friends Giving podcasts too, because it's it's very fun and it's uh delightfully off the rails and unhandled.

Yes, I can't remember what we talked about, but I know it's unhinged.

And a lot of yeah great, it was so great. Yeah, I know there were a lot of hot takes on Stacy's part. I know a lot.

I learned a lot a lot about you guys. I'm just gonna say, I mean you I kind of knew, but the other two. Yeah, I was like, yeah, yeah, welcome back to how rude tan Ritos. I'm Andrea Barber and I'm.

Jody's And I don't know why I said, well, I.

Think I'm like, let's mix it up a little. But then, how how many ways can you introduce yourself?

I don't know, just I mean, you could do it in every in a new language every week.

No, well no, that's too stressful, but I'm thinking it. Here's the problem is that when we say our names, we want to put like a curse word in the middle, like Jody.

Well, yeah yeah, Jody f and Sweeten.

Yes, that sounds better than Jody Sweeten. I'm sorry it does.

That's you know. What I'll say is Janda Sweeten once gave me a pep talk and told me that no, she said, you don't.

She used the word it was she yes, it was a really.

Rough time and she was I was going through a lot, and she was like, don't you ever forget you are?

And I was like.

So yeah, So it is. It is officially my middle I love it.

Okay, well here we are, welcome back today.

Welcome back God. We can't even get our names. I'm sorry.

Today we're discussing season five, episode twenty three, Five's a Crowd. It originally aired March thirty first, nineteen ninety two, and it goes a little something like this. Jesse, Joey and Danny trade an awards dinner for a drive in movie when they learn that DJ is there with a teenage Casanova. It was directed by Joels Wick. It was written by Ellen Guiless. And we have one guest star this week. Roger Floyd guest stars as Pete. He's like uncle Jesse

It doesn't look like a high schooler, but like this man is at least twenty.

Years He's you should be on Melrose Place, not on.

I was like, this is looking more like Beverly Hill's not a one.

Oh. He also guest starred in a Pacific Blue, Graceland, Nashville mcguiver, and The Resident. So he's had a very.

Long career, very big in the Tennessee area, yeah, very big and Nashville, Yes, He's covered all of those regions.

It's lovely. So we start with the teaser. In the living room, Jesse and Michelle are watering the house plants. He tells Michelle the proper way to care for them is by giving them two squirts each. Michelle tries to follow his instructions, but she turns the squirt bottle toward Jesse and raise his hair instead, saying, ooops, I missed the plant. He wags his finger at her. You specifically aimed at my quaff, young lady. So this is how I learned, Like I learned all of the hair terms

Time I learned what that was because because of my grandma and my aunts, they had their little little old hair. Yeah.

Yeah, that's a cool word.

Hair was done. Yeah, it's great.

See this is an educational show.

We learned from full house learning so much.

Now, there's only one way to handle this squirt bottle at three paces, So he turns away from her so they're back to back and explains that this is how they did it in the Old West. He instructs, now, we take three paces, turn around, and fire.

Got it.

Jesse waddles three paces away from Michelle, but she's just following right behind him, which I don't blame her. Like I was struggling to understand what he was trying to do, and I'm forty nine. I can only imagine a five year old being like, what are you? What you want?

You don't know the rules of a duel? Can? Has she never seen Hamilton? I have yet, But I was just like, why is he.

Doing this with a five year olds? A score? I don't know? It wasn't didn't totally work for you, But that's okay. It's a teaser. It's not supposed to not necessarily supposed to work. Uh So he counts down one, two, and then Michelle shouts three and sprays him relentlessly.

He turns around, an ounce of honor, not an ounce of honor, and that.

Duel no honor. He says, that's not how they did it in the Old West, and Michelle shrugs, I never heard of the Old West and they continue with their spray bottle fight.

You live in San Francisco, kid, you are in the Old West.

Right time for a history lesson?

Right? Yeah?

So next in the kitchen, Becky is making baby bottles. While Danny is practicing his speech for a big awards show that Wake Up San Francisco is nominated for. He recites, what a surprise, Thank you, Bay Area broadcasters. I never dreamed I'd be honored with this prestigious ward for best talk show Host. But he realizes that sounds too rehearsed, and so he tries to come up with an alternative.

Wow, Oakland, it's crazy, crazy, right, I don't know what they're doing over there.

Then Joey makes his way downstairs with mister Woodchuck in his hand, of course on.

His hand, not in his his hand.

Well might as well be in his hand at this point, like mister Woodchuck is his hand is his hand. I'm starting to think that that Dave is hiding a wrist injury. Like every single scene the last few episodes he's carrying the Woodchuck, Like, what is he hiding?

Do we know that he has a writ hand.

I don't know. It might just be a wood Chuck. So he says, how do you hoe my fellow nominees?

And I'm sorry when he said that, I was like, of course you're nominated.

To course, he is right?

Does all the get a show an award?

It was nineties? Everybody got a show? Literally?

Are they are the people that invented the participation troops everyone? If you're in it, you win.

Your name's Tanner, you get everything you win.

Yeah, it's Jesse doing the music for this award show.

Yo, that's that they should have added that exactly. So Becky asks them, you guys ready for the Awards show tonight, and Joey admits, I'm so nervous. I've never been nominated for anything in my life. Neither has mister Woodchuck. Mister Woodchuck chimes in, I hope we win. Knock on Wood and he knocks himself on Joey's head. Then DJ comes home from school with Kimmy. Danny immediately asks where she's been.

Huh, only she knew what life three sixty was, where you will literally or apple tags, where you will literally strap a tag on your child and track them.

Like a wild beast. Yeah, oh it's It's one of the greatest modern inventions.

You're like, wow, well we just let him go.

Wait, this was an insult back in nineteen ninety two. Danny frowns at R why don't you just go live with a will to beast? Which I thought was a week comeback.

But she's already got one next to the oustria, right.

And we've entered my perm era. My perm has arrived. I love it. I still have the little owl pellet tuft of bang, but that's fine, okay. And then this denim and floral outfit, which I actually really liked because it matched my parents couch.

The floral I don't I'm amazed that that made you like it.

Oh well, you know.

I would think I'd be like, wow, I feel like my parents got My room was very floral, though I was very much into like the Laurel Laura Ashley floral you know things.

So yeah, so what I liked it was for Kimmy Gilllo, that was pretty tame.

Actually, for Kimmy, you look really like subdued.

Yeah, I'll take I'll take breadcrumbs. At this point, like, what about anything but these prior outfits. So DJ apologizes to Danny and then asks him not to do anything embarrassing because the hottest band in school is coming over to use Uncle Jesse's studio. Danny wonders, when did I ever do anything to embarrass you? And he pauses when he notices DJ and Kimmy glaring at him, and then he adds today and Kimmy yells out for the band to come in.

Were they just waiting out there?

Yeah, I guess waiting for permission. I don't I don't know. Maybe they drove up on motorcycles and we didn't hear them. I don't know, I don't know.

Well, they parked all the way in the back.

It took him a long time to walk from the back to the kitchen door. So the four guys walk in all dressed in leather jackets, denim, and sunglasses. DJ introduces them to everyone. This is Pete, Tim Tony and Sledge. The Funky Tongues Tanny laughs at their band name.

Boy.

I could have used you guys when I was licking stamps for my Christmas cards. Nobody laughs, and DJ rolls her eyes. Well that took care of today. Then she turns to the guys and points down to the studio. As Pete makes his way downstairs, he looks at DJ and compliments her, Hey, DJ, you're looking real good today. Danny immediately walks over to Becky and Joey to ask in front of her dad, this good issues with Pete, like I have not liked I did not like Pete

Walked in the door. Now.

Uh, Danny asks Becky what did that guy mean by saying DJ, You're looking real good today. Becky flatly responds, I think he meant she's looking real good today. Danny can't believe Pete didn't give him a compliment to considering he also looks good today. See, Danny, I'll just turn it around. Make it about yourself, right, And what about me? What about me? Very?

I mean, yes, I was gonna say me so.

Joey does the honors and says, Danny, you're looking real good today. Okay, so we've met Pete. We don't like Pete. And then we're down in Jesse's studio. The Funky Tongues are finishing their heavy metal scream Oh track while Jesse cringes in the background, Oh boy, it is bad. After they finished, he comments that was loud and painful. Then he hands them their demo tape and they all get visibly excited, but Jesse lends some advice. Don't get too excited.

Unless you're me, in which case you'll get three three, a tour in Tokyo and yeah, yeah, tour, I don't know where else.

Pete shakes them off and says they're just in it for the women. He holds up his guitar and posts, this guitar is a ticket to Babe Land. Jesse puffs out his chest. Oh yeah, I got a few chicks in the old days myself. I love how John always hoists his jeans up, like, oh.

Gosh, who was it? The man was Sanford and Son? Yes, yeah, yeah, well it's the it's the like.

Yeah, it's.

Right.

It's just these little details that John is just so good at yeah. So Pete asks if Jesse had a band in high school, and Jesse clarifies fourth grade. Then he leads the guys out of the studio, but DJ and Kimmy run downstairs to talk to Pete. Before he leaves, Gimme suggests that the Funky Tongues need some fly girls. She proceeds to break out and dance and beat box in front of him.

And then you probably wish that the stage would open up.

And swallow you. Hole. My face was hot just watching this. It's so so embarrassing that was. It wasn't funny, it was just dumb and lame. It was you have an expression on your face, and I need you to explain it right now, is sweeten?

Because I'm laughing because there was a silly Hallmark movie that I did a while back and the character like acts really awkward and then starts to beat boxing, and I remember saying that the I was like, I'm friends of the director. I was like, Marco, I'm not doing this. I Am not. He's like, but He's like, he was like, oh, yeah, you are. Even if it never makes it in the movie, I see this. So I'm just laughing because I as an adult. Like within the last two years, I was like,

The worst feeling because you know you got to sell it. You have to at least half ass. No, right, you have to try to sell it, but you still like, you know, like you know yourself. I'm like, it's not going to be funny. I know it's not going to be funny. Well, no matter how hard I tried to sell.

It, Yeah, I thought it was funny. It was very Kimmy.

It was Kimmy. I thought, there's what I will say all of it.

Well, here's what I will say. As a teenager, I think there's always a bit of reservation. So you as much as you try and sell it, there's still that hesitancy. You in fuller as Kimmy would have gone nuts with it and.

I wouldn't have been embarrassed. Right, That's true the teenage part.

Of the teenager thing where you're like, like, as much as you want to fully commit, you're like, this is I'm gonna pay for this later.

I just wished all week. I was like, please cut this joke. Please cut this joke, and.

I'm going to keep it.

So Kimmy tries to recruit DJ to do this, Come on, be a fly girl, and DJ laughs, you're flying solo on this one.

It would have been Jayla.

P thanks DJ for hooking his band up with Jesse, and then he asks her out on a date tonight. DJ is surprised, admitting that tonight is short notice, so Kimmy promptly volunteers I'm free, and DJ backtracks on second thought, you noticed me, I noticed you. That's enough notice. Meanwhile, Sledge is still in the studio, so when he starts to leave with his guitar in hand, Kimmy jumps in to help him. She grabs his guitar and casually asks, Hey, Sledge, what are you doing tonight? He tries to tug his

Well, it's the age too, like it, you know what I mean. It's funny when you're a little kid, but like at some point you're like, there's no way the teenager would do this.

No, Like Kimmy just comes off as desperate, not funny.

She's just like, what's that cartoon? Ooh a man? Then it's from Roger Rabbit or something, and it's like some cartoon and she's just like starts drooling over it and like chasing a dude around like the Pirates of the Caribbeans doll. You know what I mean is very much, but it's a very very KIMMI askue.

Very Kimmy asque I don't like it, but again I can't separate myself.

Kimm I was always kind of like this, yeah.

But I was funny, like I was funny in early.

I think this.

I don't know, I feel like early funny jokes cringey, So I don't know. We'll see how I feel. But I'm I got a not in my stomach anticipating the rest of the series, because I'm like, I just get more and more cringe as we come. Okay, in the kitchen, Jesse's dressed in the Tucks and he's ready for tonight's awards show. He tells the babies that he and Becky are going out for a few hours and they're gonna miss them so much.

I am surprised he didn't make this all about him, though. I was very Yes, he thought we were gonna have a moment where he was like, dressed in the tug. Now you know their supportive.

I'm shocking, shocking, but very true. Becky walks in dress in a stunning, sparkly black gown with her hair in an updo.

She looks all of nineteen ninety.

Oh she does. Yes, that updu's very like you.

The shoulder pads a little remnant from the late eighties.

Peak in the early nineties. And she looks great.

Oh god, she looks gorgeous.

So Becky relays some bad news to Jesse. I just talked to aunt Ida and she can't babysit tonight. Jesse argues, we have to go out tonight. I'm having my best hair day of the year.

Ah. There it is.

It's a little bit about Jesse's the old Jesse wants to show up his hair, got your hair cool off? Jesse turns to DJ and asks if she can babysit, but she can't because she has a date, So Stefph pipes up, do it. I won't have a date for five years. Becky voices her appreciation, but she reminds Steph that she's still a little too young. So Michelle perks up, I'll do it, but obviously she's also too young for the job. Jesse doesn't know where they're going to find

Last time you covered a kid's head and butter Yeah, oh it went great.

I mean, they'll keep the kid alive, but I will torture him.

But they will be covered in some sort of condiment when you get home.

And that's the price you pay for. Jimmy, givel a cover babysitter exactly. Michelle and Stuff angrily respond in unison, don't call me squirt, and Michelle adds Junior. Becky pulls Jesse aside to convince him to hire Kimmy. He eventually gives in when they agree to call her every ten minutes to check in. He happily tells Kimmy she's in and she gets right down to business. My rates are five dollars an hour, but since you're in a bind,

That was probably uh, that was probably about minimum wage at the time or more.

That was way more minimum wage seven fifty yeah, oh oh, way more definitely. Then Comet runs into the kitchen. Yay, comment's back. We've I've missed Timmy hasn't been around in a hot minute. Kimmy tells them she doesn't do dogs. What kim he has a poodle? Didn't she have a poodle in like the dog show or whatever Teddy put on in the backyard.

There was a pool, but that's but it's a family. That's a family, it's a family. It's her mom's dogs. So she mom's very obsessed.

With the poodle.

Jimmy feels bad because basically mom replaced her with Hoodoh she didn't like that, very big resentment. Yeah, yeah, she replaced explains everything.

This explains all of it.

Yep.

Michelle offers, I can doggie sit Commet will do anything for a doggie doodle. She gives the dog a few commands while holding the treat, and he obeys every single one. Kimmy watches with amusement. Hey, that's pretty good. Will those doggie doodles work on the twins? Jesse scowls at her again, and this time Becky has to hold him back. What could possibly go wrong? Right in the living room, Danny is practicing his speech, and this time he's thanking his

I don't even know if I have all that. I'm just kidding, I think.

Pete tells him he's covered, but Danny does not let up any unpaid parking tickets, overdue library books? Have you ever had a flu shot? Pete? And he makes a joke, Yeah, I'm clean, ask my parole officer. Danny's horrified parole officer, and Pete laughs it's a joke. Chill out, and he pokes Danny's stomach.

That was an odd movie.

Don't like this. I do not this kid. This kid needs to take a seat.

I'm right. I'd be like, I don't trust.

To like, have some respect when you come into someone's home and speak to the dad.

Also, would you would you ever poke someone's parents in the stomach?

That'd be weirdy in the stomach, like there's no right, yeah, I would be like, hey.

Just met you, yeah, keep yeah, No, that's weird unless you're the pills very door, and then it's mandatory.

Yes, so Danny, oh yeah, oh, DJ tells her dad, could you lay off the third degree please? Pete's a nice guy. Danny finally seems to loosen the reins, saying all right, then he adds be back in twenty minutes. This time, Pete's the one who's shocked, but Danny mocks him it's a joke, chill out and pokes his stomach too to shame.

Yeah, just poking each other. Okay, DJ, did it get loud all of a sudden or is it just me.

I guess you're well to me. You're always loo to me, but that's just that's your normal.

I am always allowed to everyone. But you know, it felt like that in my ears, my headphones.

It turned out not Maddie, Manny. Manny will let us know if there's something wrong.

I've tried to not touch the mic though, so goes.

Very well, You've done very well today, Danny, No where am I?

Oh?

So? DJ is? DJ and Pete leave and Danny's sighs as he closes the door behind them. Joey walks in again with mister Woodchuck and they're both dressed in matching tuxedo.

It's okay, that's kind of how did you get how do you find a wood Chuck size tuxedo? It's just, you know, it's not like a toddler because he's short, but he's also incredibly wide. You're not hitgecock, you know what I mean? That sort of body to mension. He's short and squarish. Jilly.

Yeah, this hearkens back to the mannequin that feels like Joey would always match clothes with.

It's just well, it's either the mannequin or the muppet, right, and so oh, here we go it is mister Woodchuck is really cute in the tuxedo.

Danny asks if he actually rented a tuxedo for his dummy, and Joey responds, of course I did. Mister Woodchuck calls Joey snappy, but Joey admits, except for the shoes, they gave me two lefties, and he waddles around the room to prove it. Then Jesse walks downstairs and tells the guys to get going because his new moose is only guaranteed for forty five minutes.

Ah, there it is, there it is.

But first Danny asks Jesse's opinion on DJ's date tonight. Jesse shrugs, calling him a good kid, and Danny lets out a huge sigh of relief. He tells them that DJ just went out on a date with him. Jesse gasps, what you let her go out with that animal? Danny reminds Jesse of his previous words, so Jesse clarifies he's in a band. All he thinks about is girls. He's exactly how I was at seventeen. Danny is now officially terrified and tells Kimmy to come into the living room.

She admits that it feels problematic, but we're gonna there's. I was like, oh, huh, I know.

It's it's yeah, there's a there's.

I mean implication, but it's. But I was like, but it just sort of hearing it with today's you're like, like, oh what really that's not a compliment, right, not at all?

That sounds so. Kimmy admits, I would love to be DJ right now on her way to the drive in and that hot black and red van. Oh Van, it's always always, always, everyone is an utter disbelief, Jesse asks. Drive in Joey questions Van and Danny whimper's my baby, and all three of them stand there looking extremely concerned.

Yeah, we hands are never it's never a good no. I remember I had a friend friend in high school. My friend Dennis had like a white old mini van with no windows, but like a creep van.

Creep fan a creepy van, yes, but it was.

Like a it was like a you know, one of those old like Astro Chevy Astro whatever. But I just remember flying over the back seat of it so that we could sneak out of on out on campus, like to go off campus for lunch. Three of us piled in that little like hatch door behind the third seat.

Yes, oh, that's very that's very cunny, if you Jody.

Soon or the time my mom, uh, my friend and I went to the movies and then uh, Dennis and a couple of friends all came and we were going to a party and he picked us up in the van and my mom was waiting in the parking lot.

Janie, Janie is a legend.

Yeah, She's like, I know this fool. Yeah, She's like, you're not going to the movies?

Nice try, Jody.

Yeah.

So we come back from a tense commercial break. We're still in the living room. Becky walks in and asks if everyone's ready to go. Jesse tells her they can't go because DJ's at the drive in. Joey adds in a hot black and red van and Danny finishes with the lead singer of the Funky Tongues. Jesse points to the door, saying, we gotta go get her. Joey hands mister Woodchuck to Becky and insists they'll meet her at

Like, then you have the moment You're like, if if she were just in the living room, is she making is she having this moment with the puppet herself?

Oh? Yeah, it's cute.

I mean, no, it is cute. I thought it was very funny.

If she started a full on conversation, I'd be like, what is what is in the water in this house? But you know, it was just a little nod to the puppetry of mister Foodchuck. It was Laurie did a good job.

No, she was very cute. But my god, This Family's Code about Jesus Right takes three adult three adults, two of which are nominated for a for an award right, three of which you're nominated for award.

Yeah, just sent Jesse because Jesse's is like, you know, Pete grown up, right, And then Danny could get his award and Joey could get his award. Like there was no need for all three of them, but we have to have a storyline.

Travel in packs.

Next, in the kitchen, Steph is keeping an eye on the babies while Michelle handles commet. He runs inside from the backyard, and Michelle proudly states, comment did his business. Steph reminds her that he gets a treat for that, and Michelle admits, I wish I got a treat every time I did my business. Then Kimmy walks over to feed the babies their dinner. She looks at the tiny food jar and reads strained squash, and then she smells

This is why I love steph She knows, she knows how to work, work it. You know, she will work that to her advantage. She's like, I'm a middle child. I gotta be scratched. Yeah, you know she is.

She knows she has learned how to survive in this house. Yeah, very very smart. Next we're at the drive in and Danny, Jesse, and Joey are walking around searching for DJ.

Where is there a drive in in sand for Cisco. Maybe it's an open, Maybe it's up and at an open. Yeah, where would Oakland with the They have the syrup wrestling over there, so they probably got to drive in.

Yeah, I guess. I don't.

I don't.

I don't know, like there are many drive ins left these days, so I'm just I just feel like, uh, drive in in San Francis, in the city of too many hills, right, too many top hills.

Uh.

The boys are getting honked at for standing in front of people's cars, and Danny yells, DJ, where are you? Finally they spot a red van, but when Jesse and Joey try to look inside, they can't see because it's all steamed up. Danny nervously says they better be making soup in there. Jesse opens the van doors to reveal an old couple holding each other in the back seat. They're so cute.

Yeah, there's just old people trying to you know, get it there friday night in the back of their own.

Van, lives you know, entire interrupted by these pause, Jesse stammers, sorry, wrong van, Do your parents know what you're up to? They shut the doors and continue their search. Then we switch over to DJ and Pete, who are watching the movie in his van. DJ's in the passenger seat and Pete's in the driver's seat. DJ's making comments on the film, but Pete thinks it's lame. He suggests they get in the back to get a little more comfortable. DJ hesitates, I don't like this guy. I hate this guy. Like

I don't think so, probably not, because this was more of the typical like cool bad boy sort of. Now you're just like, dude, you're a creepy creed.

Got that. Yeah? So DJ hesitates, and she says I'm pretty comfortable right here, and Pete lets out a sigh of disappointment. Oh that's right, I forgot. You're a freshman. This must be like your first time at a drive in, right. DJ nods, but tells him she was just there for a swap meet on Sunday. He continues to push her to get in the back. He says they'll just listen to music for a while. Hate this guy, hate this guy? Right?

No, No, I'm like, I'm so worry I'm listening, don't right, I know, I'm so uncomfortable with this whole scene, which I know I don't it's the point, but also, yeah, now it's maving.

I'm more uncomfortable watching this in twenty twenty five than I would have been watching.

Nineteen because, you know, because in twenty twenty five you're like, this is really inappropriate behavior, but in nineteen ninety two, it was just kind of normal and we all accepted like, oh no, dudes are just kind of creepy and like or she went.

To the back of a vand yeah, no way, different implications now so and I just.

Couldn't Now I know when when, what's exactly what it meant? When he's never heard the word no?

I bet yeah, exactly exactly heat oh man, this guy. So DJ agrees and they climb in the back. It's separated with a curtain and decorated with two tiger print pillows, a blanket, and a stereo. Do you Jay realize I'm Decora alone?

Run man, this is what is this?

Nineteen seventy four DJ said, it's sure as private back here, and Pete tries to set the mood. Now all we need is a little romantic music, and he plays his scream o music from their demo tape. Got Pete like, read the room, you'll catch it. Just catch on to her signals. She's not comfortable with this.

Pete, and the screamo music isn't healthing. Certainly those death metal is not the it's not Marvin Gange, you know what I mean. It doesn't exactly inspire. It's not making DJ more comfortable. I'll tell you no, no, no, no, DJ.

Anxiously says, boy, that just makes you want to get up and dance, but Pete tells her to just relax, and then he leans in and kisses her. Outside, Jesse, Danny, and Joey find Pete's vand Jesse recognizes Pete's song and Joey spots DJ's coat in the passenger seat. Inside. DJ pulls away from Pete and says, let's just watch the movie. He asks why, and she admits, I just don't feel right about this.

Okay, good DJ, good job.

Proud of you, DJ. Oh, that's exactly kids who are listening, that's the thing you say.

You say what you don't.

Feel comfortable with something?

Yep.

Pete drops his head in disappointment and sighs, all right, that's cool, and he offers to go get them some popcorn.

Okay, he took it.

Well, I will give him back that. I'll give him. I mean, it is full house, we can.

If it would have gotten any further, it would have been an after school Smell's true, very true.

But I'm happy yes that he finally took the hint and removed himself.

Yeah, go get some popcorn.

Go cool off, dude. He hops out of the van. DJ turns off the music and opens the curtains. DJ screams when she sees Danny, Joey, and Jesse sitting in the front seat, and they scream right back at her. DJ is horrified that they crashed her date and asks what they're doing here. Danny says they were worried about her, and he asks where's Pete. She frantically tells them he's getting popcorn and begs, would you guys please leave? I'm

I don't know which is creepier, you know what I mean? Like, is it Pete?

Is it three? The guys won't leave you in the van. I don't know how to feel about. That's in unison. The three guys say hello. Pete greets them back, looking extremely surprised. The guys try to explain what they're doing in the front seat, but no one can come up with a valid reason. Finally, they decide it's time to leave, and Pete tells DJ, why don't we just call it a night. Actually, you can go ahead and go home with your dad, and DJ looks at the guys with utter devastation.

They saved you. I saved you. That's why I know it's painful at the time. Saved you from from this.

F boy exactly. I feel like the way this was written, it was meant to get us to feel bad for DJ, like olak embarrassing Your dads are right they.

Were spot on.

They were right to be, to be you know, this guy suspicious paper in a vanage. I don't think I would have left the front seat either. I would have been like not staying here.

It's like a mind Hunter episode, that's how it starts.

Yeah, totally.

So do you do you remember though?

I do? I do exactly story you're going, yes, yes, go for it. So on.

On the gag reel for this season, for season five, there is a bit where when it was just Bob and Dave and John. They were like in the parking lot, parking lot looking at different you know, vans or whatever. So it's just the adults. No, no kids were there, wasn't you know, right, And they they show the clip is they're supposed to walk out from behind the van

When they played the city, like they start their line and in the whole scene, yeah John pants stop laughing. He's laughing the whole thing of Bob's just saying his lines like normal.

Like this is right. Yeah, Oh, it was hilarious.

It was very fun. I don't even know why they did that except just to I think it was to break the tension on a long Thursday night or something.

It was a long Thursday night.

Joel.

Like the I'm sure it was the joking of it, like what are these three guys doing creeping around in a drive in parking lot and like you know what I mean, the only thing that would make it creepier is if they had their pants run And that's a stupid joke of it, you know.

Yep.

That was just kind of like when we did the gym scene with huh and yeah, and we all did the stupid sobs shit. Yeah.

Yeah, this is just this is what we do. This is how we entertain ourselves, right on a set on long weeks. Yeah, No, that was fun. That's a classic. I remember that from from the gag. Really, that was hysterical. Yep. We're back in the kitchen now. Kimmy walks over to the twins and announces, Okay, let's get you two to bed so I can hit the phone. But then she catches a whiff of something stinky. She immediately turns to Stephanie and asks, would you mind disposing of the toxic waste?

She wi has a lot of kids that do that. They're like, what it tastes like?

Well, yes, i'd be curious too. You know It's like I.

Think I remember being a kid and my friend eating a jerky treat. Oh remember those treats for dogs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, well I think that. Unfortunately, dog, the stinkier it is, the more dogs love it. That's the least.

Oh yeah, they're like, oh, that's a disgusting, but yeah.

Michelle wipes her tongue and she says, I should have known you drink from the toilet. And next in the nursery, Kimmy's standing in the corner as far away from Stephanie and the changing table as she can get. Steph tells her she can breathe now, and Kimmy lets out an exaggerated exhale. Then Becky walks in and asks, how are my adorable babies. Kimmy sarcastically responds, yeah, adorable if you don't have a sense of smell. I'm surprised your wallpaper

Yeah, well, you know that's working it.

She's working. I don't Stiff did all the work, so she deserves the many.

Exactly.

Kimmy just made sure that the house didn't burn down. That's all she did. Meanwhile, in the living room, DJ storms in and Jesse, Joey, and Danny try to stop her from running upstairs. Danny shouts, we need to talk. You can't keep giving us the silent treatment. She stops halfway up the stairs. Okay, fine, let's talk. I'm totally humiliated and when this gets around school, I'll never be asked out again. But that's what you wanted, isn't it. She runs away from them, and Jesse admits I think

I think was like, remember how when you were a teenager and you like storm off and it was like annoying when your mom or your dad like came and followed you to continue talking about it. Yeah, can you imagine three of them?

That's overwhelming. We're coming. It's an ambush, right yes. In DJ's room, DJ's standing with her arms crossed. When the guys walk in, Danny insists that they have to talk about this. She scoffs. You said I was old enough to date. You said you trust me, You said you have had confidence in my judgment. But you didn't mean it, did you. I mean, the first time I go out with a guy you don't like, you come charging in like the date police. You completely overreacted. All three of

Well, the way they handled it was a bit ridiculous.

It was a little over the top. It was a little over the top.

They embarrassed him. But you know they kind of hopping in the van was and then not leaving and then not leaving.

Right, I'm like, stand a little ways away, but right, yeah, well, and I'm thinking, I know we're in the middle of the scene, but I'm just going to start talking anyway, So who cares? Who cares about the copy? Uh? Well, I'm thinking about this, like, because this is relatable to me because Felicity has her first boyfriend now, okay, and I'm I'm a little I parent differently than I did with Tate. I was just like, you got to be careful. She's like, you don't trust me, and I'm like, I

Well yeah, I mean you're worried about your kid. I don't think it's out of the out of like the norm to worry about your kids once they start dating. I think it's just a matter of like teaching our boys how to behave and teaching our girls how to listen to their guts.

And yeah, speak up. That's actually to themselves.

Yes, yeah, because usually you're like, like Evened, she was like, I don't think this is not great, and then he's like, hey we should go in the back.

Yeah. Yeah, you got to listen to trust, trust your guts, little voice. And for boys, yeah, you got to teach them about consent now, you know, yes, exactly, make it very clear. Crystal is sexy. Yes, right, yeah exactly, absolutely so DJ lets them off easy. Everybody makes mistakes. I just hope the next time you'll think things through a little better, and she pats Danny's arm in reassurance. They all continue with their apologies as they file out of the room and she shuts the door behind them. As

Yeah, that would be creepy.

That's creepy, and DJ does admit that she forgot to mention that, so Danny reasons with her, Look, you're fifteen years old and you still live by the rules of this house, and if you're going on a date, you have to tell us exactly where you're going. DJ insists she just didn't want them to freak out, and Jesse wonders, what makes you think we would have freaked out just because we ran around a drive in in our tuxedos. Joey also reminds her that her dating life is new

Nobody yells, there's no door slamming.

You're not referencing, you know, the fight you had three weeks ago, right.

Yeah, bringing up how you're always unfair. You never do any of this. Yeah, yeah. Nobody's crying.

Nobody's crying, nobody's yelling. It's just resolved. So then Becky walks in and she has a trophy in her hand. Danny notices and immediately gets excited because he thinks they won. He holds the trophy in the air and announces vindicate it after four long years. But she takes the tr trophy from Danny and hands it over to Joey. She clarifies, well, actually they recognized Joey's talents. He won for Best Children's Programming. Now Joey's the one to hold the trophy in the

As you do in the Tanner household, you know, just shoot right up to success.

No, yeah, he does enough to climb that ladder. He's already at the top it started at the time. Danny congratulates him and asks to hold hold it for a second, And when Joey hands it over, Danny runs away and steals it. Joey calls him an immature baby and runs after him. And that is our.

Show, Dinna, who Well that was a doozy, Yeah, I remember, but it was a it was a I get, you know, the sort of the big deal of like DJ.

Going on dates and all that. That's a very big milestone for like fifteen year old yeah and parents.

Yeah, big milestone. Trick he to navigate, you know, gets hurdered territories. I just I didn't like. I didn't like this Pete guy because he also had zero charm. Like at least Jesse, Uncle Jesse, he's got charmed for days. But this Pete guy, he was just like, what.

Was here's the thing. Well, here's the thing I always is. And I go, oh, I think this is what dudes think is attractive. Oh just that's always you know what I mean. Sometimes you'll just see like and you're like, they're it real. It feels like that doesn't Yeah, yeah, it feels like this is what a dude would think is like mister cool guy and gonna get all the girls, and girls are like, I don't like not really.

Yeah, they're right, okay nineteen ninety.

I mean he was, but you know he was. He was cute rocker.

Yeah, he looked Uncle Jesse s No. But I just thought the care I just didn't like. I don't know. I don't know if it was the actor or the writing, but I'm just like, he just he had I didn't see the appeal unless it's just DJ wants to date a bad boy, I don't know. I mean, there's giving Viper. There's a lot of people you mean like that. You're like, I don't see the appeal. So, you know, especially have some lead singers, some artists.

You're like, I don't really get it. Now that I meet you, I really don't get it.

So yeah, it's just I guess this is a trend.

Blinded by, blinded by you know, a den invest and a good metal screen. I guess, I guess, I don't.

I don't know. This is just DJ's type because this is DJ.

DJ is going yeah she later DG is the good girl, so she's like, I'm going to.

Go out with the I need to.

Yeah, I'm going to go for the bad boys, right and all right, Well it doesn't work out great for her, although Viper's coming.

So I just just wait via Viper is oh boys here, yes, but yeah, I remember this. I remembered this storyline. I didn't remember feeling this way. So again I can't I cannot untangle my protective gut instinct to protect DJ from this nineteen ninety to storyline where it wasn't that it was people weren't triggered like I apparently am right now.

Well again, it just makes such a difference when you're like, oh, yeah, no, this is just not the way you approach things or people or dates or you know, trying to make a move on. It's just not yeah, yeah, but that was the nineties.

Was the nineties. That was the nineties.

But yeah, everybody had a weird creepy van. That's the first thing. It up in a mystery machine.

No, don't get in, No, just don't know.

No paneled vans don't get in if there's no windows. No, no, no, nope, nope, go right and ask you what size you are while trying to have you help them with a cout.

No.

It's a scene from Silence of the Lab. He has her helping, he has her helping lift this thing into the and he goes.

What size shoe are you?

Or what size are you? Because he's gonna make a dress out of her. So I asked, Yeah, it's creepy, creepy, creepy. Again, that's why you should not trust.

People with the trust people with vans exactly that that's your less and today faneritos, don't trust, don't trust van people with fans with no windows especially Yeah.

Yeah, And I'm sorry out there if we've offended anyone who listens to this podcast who has a non windowed van. Uh, you aren't a creep Uh. We're sorry, but you should know that people are assuming that you are.

So we just want to air on the side of caution. We're a we are mothers of young girls, so we're just like, hey, right, don't just have anybody Yeah, yeah, any other car.

I do remember being with the girls one time at like a little outdoor like Mexican restaurant, and this van pulled around the back and like we were Celia and I were kind of overstanding here right here, eating table was literally like five feet away. Why did the creepiest old man pull up next to the thing, like down the little alley and hold up a puppy to the table full of four young girls?

Was like, look at that?

And I was like absolutely red you are, yeah, yeah, yeah. And of course at the time, they you know, the kids were little. B was like, oh, a puppy, Like you're that's it, You're the one.

You're all that's missing is candy to like, here's some candy, Here's a puppy. It's like, yikes. Anyway, did you have any van? Did you have an everywhere you look? I think I have one, but I'm not sure I didn't have one. I think, well, the one I have maybe one of the funky tongues. I'm pretty sure that's Mark Warren's kid, Like that looks exactly like Mark Warren. One of them that didn't not sludge, but like the one.

Of the Pete not Pete Tony.

I don't remember that.

I don't know the wrist. I don't know, not Sludge, not Pete, the other guys.

One of the other guys is Mark, I probably, Yeah, it looks just like him, so I'm like that. I think that's him. So that's I'm making it up.

That's my everywhere, that's your everywhere.

It's not mister, I apologize.

I did not I did not have one.

No, So okay, well that's it all right. Well that was that was an episode that we've.

We've learned our lesson today. Everyone ofoid the creepy vans, don't go to drive ins, and also, uh, try not to be crazy and jump into a van when your teenagers on a date and uh, you know, maybe just be a little more normal.

Yeah, there's lessons for every lessons for everyone, to lessons for everyone. Yes, and don't make that's it. Yeah, that's it. We Yeah, we saw that. I liked our bits.

We saw We've solved so many process today.

And don't trust Kimmy Gibbler with your children and don't yeah trus Kimmy Gibbler.

Uh, basically, what has been shown in this is that stuff can hold it down.

I was hoping for something more dramatic between you and me like, because Kimmy famously has like crazy stuff happens when she baby sits, the butter, the head, the banister, you know, dropping TV's off, like all the things happened. So I'm like, oh, nothing catastrophic happened.

Between it was just I mean that's probably a good thing.

Yeah, I mean it involves Becky and Jesse's kids, so yeah, I guess yeah you can.

You can other kids heads and butter, but not not.

The babys twins. No, Jesse would never allow.

Well, he might be like, maybe it's giving them a nice hair treatment. They're gonna butter at all the facts just really getting in there.

May yeah, maybe they're hair faster exactly some butter on there.

Oh Jesse would do that, would well. Everybody, thank you so much for joining us again for another fun, fabulous, uh informational episode. We teach how rd Tanato's. Yeah, we teach things, you guys, We really do. So you're welcome anyway. Uh, make sure that you find us on Instagram if you want to catch more of our craziness or behind the scenes stuff. We are at how Rude Podcast, or you can send us an email at how Rude Tanatos at gmail dot com, our merch storg, how rude merch dot com.

Yeah, we're the most retired.

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