"Crushed" Recap Season 5, Episode 16

Hello, aby, hi, yah, hi, I have to formally announce something on the show.

Wait what I was wrong?

Oh? Wait, we're wait, Maddie, you're recording this, right, you get this.

You're recording it.

I'm regarding it.

We're going to put this out into the world.

What you're wrong? Tell me? Tell me about what.

About the sight from the shoes? See?

See, I was right. Sorry, that was a little too loud.

You No, it was Yeah, you're being too loud.

I was. Wait, so you've changed your mind?

What happened? Wait?

What happened besides you admiring my kid shoes?

Well, first of all, I had well once I saw them in person.

And you have the.

Kissicks, right, I have the kiss the athens to Yes, I have pak Okay.

So after I was in the airport with you and I complimented you on your cute tennis shoes, and you then informed me that they were the slip ons.

Yes they are, I had I.

You know, I had a moment where I had to consider the fact that maybe I didn't know all of the things that were out.

Wow, And I took you forty four years sweet forty three, but maybe by forty four I'll have it but they they sent me several pairs.

Oh nice, and which ones and which ones?

Don't worry, I have them here. We're going to show until time.

Yes, I also.

Got the got the athens too. But they're like lavender.

And white and yellow like little accents of yellow on the hill. Cute, super cute, super cute.

So freaking comfortable, right, Oh my god, so easy.

The other day they were amazing.

And you know, Mescal was gone last week for work stuff, and he's gonna be gone a bunch of the the next coming weeks.

So I'm in charge of the.

Dog walking usually he's that's so I'm constantly I don't like to wear shoes at home, so I'm like, con oh god, I gotta go upstairs. And then the dog's excited because she saw me walk to the door, and now she you know, now I can just sleep them on. But not only can I slip these on, I can also slip these on.

Oh oh, what what else do you have?

And tell them in an all, I don't know.

If these are these are like color.

This is a it's a light that's adorable, looks almost like a Nike like. Misc has some very similar shoes to this. Their nikes. So those are my like, pir.

You have two pairs of slip arms shoes, I have three? Three? Yes, what's the third pair?

Third pair?

Oh? I wish I remembered what names are so cute. I don't remember. I don't remember the style name of these.

This isn't an AD.

This isn't an AD. It's just really excited about it.

It's not it is. It's an old lady talking to another. But these these ones almost like like a like golden goose or like.

Kind of like tumas.

They're like a very red everyday shoe, like thin flat, kind of like almost like a like a samba, like an Adidas samba or something like that.

But they've thought all different.

Kinds of texture, like some fuzzy and light blue and the blue on the front.

Like it's kind of like it's.

Like, uh.

And these are also huge step ins. So I want that pair.

I'm going to go order that pair as soon as we're done.

I'm like, I said, you guys, this is not I I'm no one from Kissick is paying us to say this.

We're just like old ladies.

Sharing between each other.

And and I and I had to give Andrea, uh the satisfaction of saying that I was wrong.

Yeah, this is a moment. And it took thirty eight years. Thirty eight years, you finally admitted you're wrong and I'm right. You were remarking this on my calendar.

Yeah, you were right. This is yeah, Andrew was right.

Day. I didn't know this was coming people. I didn't know, Like when we logged on today to record, I did not know that this had happened.

No. I I thought about texting, going to text you a picture of him and be like, look who's come to the dark. But then I was like, no, this is an excellent pre show.

Chatter, so excellent pre show chatter. I am so proud of you. I am dude.

Change.

It's life changing. It is life changing.

I hate tying my shoes. It's one of the.

Things, like rushing my teeth or do Like, there's certain things.

Of the day that I don't like. I like all of the other activities. I don't like that one with rush your teeth. Tying shoes it's just tea. Yeah you don't so I would step into shoes, but you know you can't. They ruse the back blah blah blah.

Now, yeah, the back always folds in.

I got I'm stepping in and out just for fun. Halfway through the room, I just.

Step out of my shoes because I can't go back. Kicking back on you.

You're so fast and life like. You're just you can just glide through your house, glide through your neighborhood.

You know what, I will feel fast.

I will say it is an excellent pair of shoes to have by your bed in case of an emergency.

Oh yeah, okay, because you won't store.

So you know they always say, like in an emergence, don't run out in.

Slippers or especially with the bake or a hurricane or something.

Yeah, you need broken shoes on, like decent shoes. This I need a pair to put by, like.

A pair to put by the front door whatever.

Like I thought about that the other.

Day and I was like, yeah, this is that because I have always thought that, like.

Oh god, what you know run out barefoot? But now I need to.

Now you are so prepared. I am prepared for you, and you're fast. You're prepared like your life is almost completely true. This is amazing. See it's not old lady like, it's it's about function and fashion.

Look once I saw yours in person, and I thought yours were like, you know, like I said, like Nike's or the Hookahs or something like that.

I was like, Okay, so cute. I need compliments everywhere.

I wait, my my feeling about it. And I when I warmed it the gym the other day, I got so many to get comments.

Oh my god, I love your shoes. I was like, yeah, let me tell you.

I mean I I basically was like just an ad for them because I got a ton of compliments on them and people were like, oh my god, they're just the slip on ones.

I was like, hell, they are.

The slip on shoes. Don't have to be orthopedic or bad looking, like they can.

Be cute and fast, cute and like flat sort of retro looking ones. I've been wearing those of a bunch.

Yeah, yeah, I'm putting that on my list. That is just really cute, stinking.

They're really cute, and and yeah they don't they're not like big workout you know, they.

Just look like big white platform orthopedic shoes. No, they're super cute.

So I'm very excited and.

Very excited I should get a pair for Michael. Michael, I but if they make a size fourteen shoe, that's true. We're on two wins of the spectrum, and I'm one of you can.

Find shoes were clothes.

Right, so one of you? Right? Yes, but kissicks does make them. Neither make the coaster because he's too short. Right, Oh, it's hot. It's difficult. This is why when we go to like the movies or to a concert like these away self conscious because he's like the one behind him and I can't see because I'm trying, and that really is it's it's very difficult. It's very difficult. This is why we need simplify our lives and have slip on shoes.

No, but he'll be making him more efficient, way more efficient.

This makes me so happy.

There you go. It's a it's an early Christmas present, so.

Thank you so much. Want wrong, Honestly, this is better than like any sort of fruitcake, like this is amazing that you're wrong. You're now wearing slip on.

Shoes like I am.

We're ready for gladly, Gladly, let's get our kaftans and go sit.

On your close a lemon calf tan. I have a leopard print calf tan. Honey, I got calf hands.

I'm this is I'm.

Ready have arrived about like Missus Roper.

I love Missus Roper. She was the best.

That's what I want to be.

Just give me a moomoo and some big weird jewelry and I'm set.

That's goals and goals.

And with some slip on shoes and a calf hand, I'll be like the cool, funky old lady. They'll be like, look at her, She's so cool, and I'll be like, no, it's just comfortable.

It's just basically I'm wearing a shift and shoes that I don't have to bend over for.

Yes, yes, hey, you know what. Comfort is something that we all need in our lives, especially.

To be uncomfortable these days. Yes, and that I'm not even that old, but I just have given up I mean it being uncomfortable. No, I will, I will pay for the seat. I will do whatever, like just yeah, give me a place to slip down. It's worth I can slip on my shoes, questions and make myself comfortable.

It's quick either way, slip on or slip off.

Right, Yeah, Anyways, slipping slipping, Let's slip into a strange fever dream of an episode.

That is, you do slip in this. I mean you don't see it on camera, but I watch it happened. You slipped when running around the kitchen table like five times.

Yeah, it's all on the gag reel too.

Yeah.

I find with gag reels.

I think remember this scene. Oh that's right, it's the gag reel. I was falling down and I thinks.

What are you even tripped? What is there?

There's nothing you tripped on. Nothing, You tripped on nut carpet. That's what you tripped on.

Is amazing, man, you know.

Anyways, Welcome back to Howard Tanertos. I'm Andrea Barber and I'm Jody Sweeten, and today we're discussing season five, episode sixteen, Crushed. It originally aired January fourteenth, nineteen ninety two, and it goes a little something like this. Pop singer Tommy Page perform at Stephanie's tenth birthday party, which creates a love

And yeah, and this was like in the days before you know, people were paying pop stars a million dollars to complain at a birthday party.

This was full house likes to do this though. We did this in fuller with the New Kids. Hey just stop by the house and sing some songs?

Is it every day?

Yeah, Beach Boys, Tommy Page, this is just the Tanner's you know, it's the Tanner's universe. We're all just living in it.

Tommy was like, actually, I got to do some recording anyway. I'll just bop right over to your recording studio and we'll call it even I have to.

Pay for recordings, so yeah, this was a win win, you know, I scratch your mutually beneficial absolutely. This was directed by joel's Wick. It was written by Diana Airs and Susan Sebastian, two names that do not ring a bell.

But I do like that It was two women writers sort of writing about the girl's crush moments.

Yeah, oh it's yeah, it's this is a very milestone, you know, having you your first crush or getting your heart broken for the first time. Yeah, that's a universal experience. We have two excellent guest stars. We have the incomparable Tommy Page as Tommy Page, who was a very famous pop star at the time. His song I'll Be Your Everything, which was co written by Jordan Knight, it was Danny Wood of New Kids.

I was gonna say, didn't wasn't there a New Kids connection somewhere?

Yeah?

Big connection, big connection. Okay, So Jordan and Danny they co wrote the song and they sang the background vocals on it. Tommy Page opened for The New Kids on both their Hang and Tough tour in nineteen eighty nine and their Magic Summer Tour in nineteen ninety and so that's what sort of launched him into you know, the fandom of screaming teenage girls who couldn't get enough of these handsome boys. So yeah, he was dubbed like the

Yeah.

Well he was a big time music executive. Yes, this wasn't like a one hit wonder or whatever.

I need. I knew he had remained in the business.

We had a couple mutual friends like back and forth that I would hear about every once in a while, but I had no idea that he had Like was that good for him?

Yeah?

Good for him, Like he took what could have just spend like a one hit like I mean, you know, riding on the backs of the new kids. But he really made a name for himself in the music industry. So yes, good for him. Sadly, he passed away in twenty seventeen, so I'm very glad that we can honor him this episode and last, but certainly not least, we have Todd McKenzie as boy at Party.

I don't know. He might be last and least in this is.

His only credit on IMDb, Like this is I don't know Mackenzie. That name doesn't ring a bell. So yeah, whose kid was he? I don't know? Yeah he was last and least Todd Mackenzie. Sorry Todd, but they should have given you more to do. We'll blame the writers. So we start, We start. We start with teaser. In the kitchen, Michelle and Becky are decorating Stephanie's birthday cake, and Michelle is dying to lick the spoon as usual, I get it regular the sugar binge. Yeah, in this case, yeah,

Uh.

So, after a millisecond of spreading some frosting onto the cake, Michelle asks, now can we lick the spatula. Becky gives her the go ahead, and so Michelle proceeds to scrape off a huge layer of frosting directly from the cake and she devours it. Becky laughs before emphasizing now we have to make more frosting. Michelle responds with a mouth covered in frosting and says, really, what a shade, and

Just like, yeah, very much enjoying the sugar binge chocolateasting off of a spatula.

There's nothing, there's.

Really nothing better than chocolate frosting off a spatula. Truly like it tastes better. It tastes better off a spatula than it does off of a cake.

Yeah, for sure, there's something about it. It feels slightly forbidden, psychologic. You're like, oh, like not, I'm licking the thing before it's.

Ready, But it's delicious, delicious. Next in the kitchen, Becky is attending to one twin while Jesse handles the other twin. He realizes it's Friday, which means he cleans the baby bottles and Becky cleans the baby bottoms. Then Joey walks in and does his Bullwinkle impression for the twins, also known as his biggest fans. One of the boys gives him a big belly laugh in return, and Joey beams. Becky admits, don't get too excited. They crack up at anything.

This was so cute.

It was kind of one of the first like big like smile laugh moments that we'd seen from the babies.

Yes, kids, they were so cute after looking like those worried little.

Like one was laughing, the other one was like, not here for you to mistro He can entertain him easily, but not me.

Yeah, he's like, I'm a tougher critic. You gotta work harder for my laugh. So Michelle decides to take a whack at it. She puts on her fake antlers and her best Bullwinkle voice, saying Hello, I'm Michelle Winkle. But the boys give her nothing, and she's appalled. Hey, what's your problem? This is funny stuff, she says. Becky tells her not to worry. The babies are just tired. She tells her boys that they need their beauty sleep, and

Gender, let's gender our sleep too.

Not enough gendered things in life. Jesse picks up one of the boys and they head upstairs for nap time. Michelle stays in the kitchen with Joey and she lets out a big sigh. I want to be funny like you. Joey puts on his announcer voice and takes a seat across from her. Welcome to Joey Gladstone's Comedy College. You'll have those babies laughing so hard, there won't be a dry diaper in the house. He lets out a roaring laugh at his own joke, and Michelle mimicks the low

It's cute, but I made me go are you Are you okay? You know what I mean?

I would have actually done that. I'd be like, are you choky?

Right? Guys?

Are you put your arms?

Let me hit you on the back.

Do you need the highlights? Do you need some water? So then Danny walks downstairs with stephan Dj trailing him. Stephanie is begging, please take me to your show today. I gotta meet Tommy Page. Maybe he'll autograph this picture, and she shows off a large poster of the celebrity and Danny size, I'll try to get him to sign it for you. But you cannot cut school just because some rock star is on my show. But you should know this because we went through this Q in season one.

We've already done the random giant poster appearing over the bed that suddenly we had never seen before.

And then right right, we're just say.

We're repeating storylines in five years, you've got to repeat some storylines now, I don't so, Stephanie argues, he's not just any rock star. His poster is hanging over my bed.

Last three days.

As Yes, as soon as came through, he's the last thing I see before I fall asleep, except the inside of my eyelids. I was so jealous of your black and plaid jacket here, Like this was the key little jacket jacket. I was speaking of plaid jackets. Yeah, it was so cute, the color, the like, the styling. It was just adorable.

And you looked so the my style in this whole episode I really liked.

Yeah, I wasn't.

I wasn't girly like I've never really been the girly girly one. So I liked like I it reflected that.

She was kind of in a relationship thing.

Yeah, You're not just wearing like floral dresses like A yeah, exactly, No, you had you were on trend and making your own trends. I loved that jacket, so DJ smiles. This is so cute Stephanie's first childhood crush. You know, I had the same thing with George Michael until his ear rings got bigger than mine. Oh is that jokes?

We didn't well know, but we didn't know at the time.

I don't think we didn't know, right, No, we didn't know at the time, So that's okay. Stephanie reminds her, I am not a child. Today is my tenth birthday, the big one. Oh. She turns to Danny and tries to guilt trip him. I can't believe you won't. You wouldn't let your own daughter meet her all time favorite singer in the whole universe on her birthday. She sighs, and I thought you loved me. DJ applauds this dramatic performance, and Steph looks at her dad with hope. Did it work?

There's the dancing.

Yeah, it's so great. Marky Mark's Good Vibrations is playing as kids are gathered around for the.

Party, which I've told you the Marky Mark story.

Right have you? Have? You reminded me.

Probably around this age because it was just like Marky Mark era. I was flying to Boston for something and he was like in the row, like in front and over whatever.

I was dying, but Mom was like, say hi.

Like you could go see it and I was like no, no, no, no, like I do.

I'm like no, I'm that's not you know, I get it. You don't bother you. I'm not gonna don't. I don't want to bother you. Anyway.

As we're getting off the plane, uh, we're like, you know, in before you get off, and he just leans over and he goes.

Hey, I got to tell you I love your show. And I was like I melted right there.

And then so the Boston accent and everything was very good.

I actually did that very well.

You did very good. Yes, but yeah a moment, Yeah, you were just floating right on the.

I was real, I remember it to this day.

Yeah, that's so bad.

And then the fact that I was like, oh, hell yeah, we even like we even could play it on the show.

So I was like, yeah, it's like great, they got the clearance and they it was a perfect song for this party. If you can't get one, you got to get together. So the boys are eating caramel apples while the girls are out on the dance floor.

It seems like a strange party snack. But what else.

Yeah, that's more of like a halloween.

Especially losing their teeth.

It's gonna be like like a shark in there, me laying all over.

The floor another too, Yeah you need more finger foods, not something that you get all over.

Your face and a slice.

They're very difficult. Yeah, not not the best party snack. I agree. So Jesse joins the dance circle for a minute to show off his awkward moves, and then we see Joey up on a pedestal acting as the DJ for the party. The group of girls cheer for him when the song is over.

And these were a bunch of my dance friends.

By the way, Yes.

That little one with the blonde hair like she's always staring right at the.

Staring right in them. I can't remember her name now, but yeah, she was. She was in it.

They got a lot of screen time in this season. That's so amazing. I love this. So Joey speaks into the microphone. Yo, yo, yo, this is Joey Joe bad Stone at Stephanie Tanner's birthday party, pumping up the jams and jamming up the pump. You know what I'm saying. The crowd does not know what he's saying. They shrug in confusion, and so he changes course. Hey, neither do

Never going to change stuff.

No, this is common at these gender parties. On either side that's divided. I'm more impressed that you invited boys to this party at ten I did not want.

Anything to do it. It looks like eight you know what I mean?

They look as usual, The girls look like much more mature, and the boys I was like, well, I mean, I can see why these boys aren't wanting to talk to These girls are at least three years.

Older than them, right, they have no social skills and they are feeling awkward for being at this party. Uh So, Jesse walks over to the boys and tries to lend some encouragement. I realize you guys might be a little shy around women. You're wondering if you're overmoosed under yodory. I know how you feel. One of the boys asks you mean you were shy around girls, and Jesse scoffs, No, what am I a dork? Go ask them to dance? They all cringe and say you at the suggestion, So

Boys and girls agels are having fun dancing and the boys are heaving been eating and that's usually how I just.

Want to eat. Yep, this is this is how it goes. So the girls resume their dancing to good Vibrations and Steph leads them in a cool dance routine.

I did love this one. This was a fun one and it does make the rounds.

It makes it. I mean, it's been done to I think, like Kendrick Lamar, they not like us. It's ben Zunde like and.

It weirdly like depending on like whatever the bpm is of good vibrations, you know, if you find something.

That goes with the kind of similar it works perfectly.

And I've seen a lot of versions of it and I'm like, oh I like that.

Okay, that's a good one.

But yeah, that was a fun dance. It was. I loved that it was. It was cute.

It was very full house just to break out into dance randomly, at least dance friends.

Obviously they've been working on this in class.

Very true, very true. Do you remember who choreographed as Staley?

It was Dennis Caspery, My my dance teacher, Dennis Caspery and the Casbury family owned.

Studio C which was where I.

Danced growing up, along with a couple other places later on, but Studio CE and Dennis was our teacher and he was there like competition dance teacher too.

So he choreographed all that stuff.

And yeah, whenever we needed Motown Philly or you know whatever, like he came in and uh and love shack.

So he did fantastic.

Yeah, his brothers was on. So you think you can dance as a choreographer for a while really?

Oh okay, Yeah, so it runs in the family.

Indeed, this waslight to watch.

Was in Don't Tell Mom, the Babysitters Dead. And she was also a backup dancer for Janet Jackson for a long time too. Yeah, it was They were a whole dance family.

Oh that's amazing, Oh so cool. Yes, so glad that he got some of his work to show you and show.

It was so much fun. But this dance had some This was like a good dance. This was when I was getting like more into like the fun sort of like had coordination of arms and legs all at one time right right that before. But it was it felt like a little more secure in it.

It was a little more mature. Ye it wasn't you know, So I don't know, but yeah, it was. It was mature and cute and trendy.

I had some shoulder pads going.

It's the shoulder pads were all the point. If TikTok had been a thing back then, this would have definite TikTok down absolutely easily. So next in the kitchen, Kimmy bursts through the back door and runs up to Danny, who is decorating Stuff's birthday cake, and she demands Wor's Tommy page tell him his love slave is ready to fulfill his every wish. Oh, Kimmy, Kimmy is so extra, She's so extra right now, Danny looks at his daughter and questions, why did you tell Kimmy? And DJ admits,

Timmy's where Timmy. Timmy's lama outside.

Related to the lama, but it's a toy lama Alamo. Well, we ride horses up the front stairs and his lama lamo upstairs. Uh so, Kimmy continues, Now, where are you hiding that hunk delicious boy toy? Danny reveals he's waiting downstairs, and Kimmy starts to sprint towards the stairs, but Danny shouts, freeze Gibbler, I need him in one piece. He walks over to Kimmy and declares, right now, I want the two of you to go out there and tell Jesse

Like Kimmy's frustrated.

You know, she's gone from Patrick Swayze and she's all about Tommy.

You know, it's just yeah.

Bitterman's gone. So she needs somebody to fit the bill, and she's chosen poor Tommy Page to be the one. So DJ grabs Kimmy and they go into the living room. DJ runs up to Joey and says he's ready, and all of the family members get into place. Danny walks in and grabs the microphone. He asks everyone to move back and motions Stephanie to sit in the chair that was placed in the middle of the room. Once she seated, he announces, this is my special gift from me to you.

Stephanie, Remember Bob and Dave, you had a whole joke about it.

Oh. They they they whole week.

They were a week. They could not shut up.

They could not because they weren't in the really in the a storyline much.

So they were there and there was some music dancing at which and they were like, let's be idiots.

It was idiots, complete idiots.

Yes us.

The other girls are swaying to the music in the background after the song is over.

Was so creepy to me.

This, okay, are we starting out? Like we gotta start?

How we can't not we got a start? This was so strange and it only gets stranger too.

It's so he's I think he was twenty one or twenty two at the time. You're ten, right, DJ is fifteen, Yeah, and he's just you know, kissing everybody on lips and everybody.

I was like, I'm sorry, sir, are you European? What is why are you doing this? Don't we don't do this here?

But okay, we don't do this here. No, And he knows that. And also Stephanie loves him and adores him.

And it has a huge children that you don't know on the lips, just.

Don't don't do that, kiss any underage children on the lips.

That don't It's like grandma or you know what I mean.

Well, grandma's not underage. Just don't kiss any of the would grandma, Well yeah, grandma can kiss you on the lips, but yeah, Tommy Page cannot.

Don't random children whose living rooms you happen to wind up in serenading them, don't kiss them on the lips after It really creates confusion.

Yes, agreed, Yeah, I know this song was uh creepy and.

I the song, Yeah, that song wasn't my favorite.

Well it wasn't what the song itself wasn't creepy. It was the singing it to a ten year old, uh, without change, jing like the lyrics of it were.

It was creepy.

Yes, it's the the whole thing, the whole thing.

It didn't make me uncomfortable, you know what I mean. It's like watching it, you're.

Like, oh, like really, yeah, I can't remember if this was a song that was written for this show. I hope so, I hope so, okay, so they could have changed the lyrics. It's not like they were.

No, I'm sure this was the established It was one of those songs that it's like, we got to write a song next by next week here, you know.

You have to go for eight hours to write a great.

Song, and they're like, uh, you know, and it's got to be about Stephanie and it's got it, you know.

So and double as the girlfriends Lee.

Yeah, it was it was odd.

I get what they were going for, like this is I love the plot of this, It just was not well executed.

Would have picked a different song, yeah, I would have picked less of a Sarah Nade and more of some sort of you know, maybe they dance together and she get you know what I mean, Like there were there's pleas do it that aren't Like an.

Adult man singing to a ten year old and then kissing her on the lips at the end. That's strange. Strange.

Yeah, yeah, you know it. It took me out of the It took me out of the moment. It took me out the scene and I just all went downhill from there. But yeah, I mean, this is Stephanie's dream, Like of course she's going to just fall madly in love with him and think that their soulmates. You could see this coming a mile away, and poor clueless Tommy.

Page no idea.

I don't know, man, I don't I mean, I guess he was clueless.

If he can't do you know what I mean, you have to figure out his like fan interaction moments.

This is true. Yeah, he needs some media training and a handler just to get him through all this.

Just let some show to some random family's house. It's strange.

Yeah, he has no security bodyguard, he is no manager. He was set up for failure. He really was sure. Yeah. So anyways, after this.

Love ballad to a child.

He uh, Tommy kisses Stephanie's hand wishes her a happy birthday. As everyone applauds his performance. Stephanie gives her dad a huge hug and exclaims he's the best birthday present ever? Can I keep him? Meanwhile, dj is holding on to Kimmy for safety, but Kimmy assures her that she can let go now. As soon as dj unhooks her arm, Kimmy darts toward Tommy and jumps into his arms. Luckily,

Like have had interactions with the new kids, which at the.

Time, I absolutely had interactions with the new kids. So I was like, what if he goes back to the new kids and tells them this weird child actress kept looking at me like, you know, her eyes and crossed did.

That's probably why they didn't and they didn't come on the show.

I know it all. This is the origin, this is how it all.

Why she's the one is she won't look at you in the eye. It's kind of weird.

She won't look at you in the eye, and it's awkward. This girl is awkward, and it was so Kimmy wraps her arms around Tommy's neck and she explains, I'm Stephanie's best friend, Kimmy Gibbler. Can I have your autograph? Just sign it to Kimmy the woman of my dreams. Danny chimes in, he writes music, not science fiction.

Damn.

It's a good burn though. It's yeah, burned, but and Kimmy deserves it, like she's so unhinged in this episode like somebody hoes her down. So Tommy sets Kimmy down and insists, it's no problem. Where do you want me to sign? Kimmy reaches for her foot and says, here, sign my shoe. But as soon as her foot is exposed, everyone plugs their noses and says you in unison.

I would love to tell people that that is something that never happens, but I cannot tell you how many times someone has ripped off a shoe for me to sign it.

Oh yeah, no, that's whatever they got on hand. You know. Sometimes you signed on foot, on hand, on arm on Yeah, I know. There's no shortage of things that you can autograph for sure. Uh So Danny and Joey intervene. They grab Kimy's arms and lift her out of the room, while Kimmy protests, wait a minute, he hasn't signed it yet, and they drag her out.

Hilarious though in this moment, very funny, thank you it was.

Kimmy deserved to be a scorty out just like that. Yes. Then Steph makes her way up to Tommy and assures him I've never seen that woman before in my life life. She continues, thank you so much, for coming. Would you sign my CD? And he responds, you're the birthday girl c.

D stuff Man CD y Height of Technology in nineteen ninety two.

Steph grins and tells him she'll be right back. Then she runs over to her group of friends and says, watch him until I get back. They do exactly as they're told, and they run up to Tommy all at once, but Tommy dodges them to chat with Jesse. He thanks Jesse for his help on the piano, and Jesse casually responds, no problem. You know, I dabble in music myself there, tom You may have heard of my band, Jesse and

I this summer last? Oh?

Because it was the summer that's true because Becky was pregnant and went with him a little bit. So yeah, and that was and then he fell from grace. He had a tour and then he was Yeah, the.

Record company was like, we want to wash our hands of you and sent him into a tailspin. So Jesse is thrilled that he's getting this acknowledgment from Tommy and he says, why, yes, we did. We played at a little club near the university over there. Tommy humbly brags, Oh cool, Yeah, I played at the Kingdome. Jesse tries to play it off. Oh that's nice if you're into big stadiums and lots of money, I prefer to play these small, intimate places where I can split a pizza

Demand has just been made of him that she's.

Gonna follow up November. First, she's like, it's November.

It's November. Where is my song?

So then Michelle braggs I'm in comedy college, and with that she walks away.

I'd be like, are you is she kid? Okay?

What's wrong with gray?

Like a donkey?

What was that? So? Then DJ sees an opportunity to introduce herself. She tells Tommy, I'm Stephanie's sister.

DJ.

Is this your first time in San Francisco? He responds, yeah, but I haven't really had the chance to see anything yet. She gives him some suggestions like Chinatown and Fisherman's Wharf, and Tommy asks, maybe you could show me around tomorrow. DJ can't hide her shock me I'd love to on cue. Steph walks back into the room with her CD and smiles at Tommy, saying, sorry, I took so long. DJ camment, whoa Steph? How many gallons of perfume did you put on?

You do.

Walking through a middle school school hallway and like just the mixture of undeodorized children and uh per spray and and uh bathom body works body spray.

That's it's just that mixed.

Oh my gosh, Yes, there's just it's in my nose is like vibrating.

Think about it.

So then steph hands the CD to Tommy so he can sign it, and he reads his autograph out loud to Stephanie, love Tommy, it's a little too much emphasis on the love part. He hands it back to her and then plants a kiss on her lips.

Why would you know it's so strange?

Kiss her hand again. If you got to kiss something, just kiss her hand.

Don't kiss her fifteen year old on a date you're kissing.

This is a lawsuit waiting to happen, Tommy. That's that's what this is.

Like.

This is I was very uncomfortable from this moment on. I was like so much discomfort. It's like, oh boy. Stephanie faints immediately after, and DJ has to drag her over to the nearest chair.

Was Danny in the room?

Good question? Well, we know Becky and Jessie left. I need to go do something.

Was Danny in the room.

Maybe not? If that was my daughter, he'll be like, okay, yes, like a background check on this guy. No. So next in the kitchen a little while later, Stephanie is sitting by the phone asking comment which sounds better for her name Missus Tommy Page, Stephanie Page, Stephanie Tanner Page, or Missus Stephanie Judith Tanner Page Calm. It turns over for a belly rub, but she reminds him that he can't get one of those until the wedding invitations are done.

We call it a date.

I'm calling it a date.

I know it's weird. It was just the two of them on the list. He doesn't know, terrible.

I'm telling you this. Tommy needs someone to sit him down and say these are the things we don't do.

This is not going to end well, Uh, someone's going to suit you.

Yeah. Yes, Also, don't do that. Just don't do that.

It just just stops underage girls like yeah, don't please. So DJ thanks him for the day, admitting I've never had tacos in a limo before. Actually, I've never been in a limo before. Tommy laughs. I kind of figure that out when you went to sit in the front seat with the chauffeur.

Well, because it would be weird to sit in the back of a limo with a man. I don't know at fifteen, but whatever I know.

I know. So then he asks, do you want to come to my concert tonight? I can get you backstage passes. DJ excitedly tells him yes, but Stephanie looks disappointed. Tommy says he has to go downstairs to see Jesse, explaining I promised Stephanie I'd make her a tape of that song. DJ thanks him for a great day, and then Tommy kisses her on the lips. Stop it, Tommy, It's not even a kiss on the cheeks, like kiss.

The lip on one on each side. It's a right on the lips.

Was this weird at the time or is it just now? Like like here's weird at the time too, Like just these are things you just don't do.

You know now that I think about it.

There were a couple of times that John would do it, but it felt different because John was like our family.

It's your uncle. Yeah we knew, Yes, that's true. John did do this several times, but we.

Knew, but we knew him, and it didn't feel weird.

Then this felt weird just because it was like right, it wasn't family, and he was just slightly older you know what I mean, Like it wasn't.

Yeah, and they had just met and he know and he I'm sorry. Tommy Page has to be smarter than this. He knows that these girls are falling for him and have crushes on him, Like he has to know that he's a pop star, right, So like to very encourage that, very oblivious. I couldn't read the room Tommy Page. Uh So once Tommy's out at your shot, DJ whispers to herself yes, and Stephanie quickly runs upstairs, goes into her room and cries, that was so sad you and your tears. Hmmm,

Yes, when you get a crush on somebody, I remember when in middle school being fooled by some boy that told me that he was this was actually him in a magazine that he was like a model, and I felt I want for hook line and I was like, oh.

My god, so and everyone's like, yeah, that's like an adult man. It's like no, no, no, no, he just looks different in the pictures. And then like oh yeah, a year later, I was like, that's absolutely ridiculous.

That is ridiculous. True, yeah, no, this was the very com for ten year old girls like me. I was always like missus Andrea McIntyre like that guess on my notebook, over and over and over all the combinations, So I get it, I get it. I felt really felt for stuff in this moment. So next to the attic, Becky's holding Nicki and Alex, trying to teach them their first

A gotta go with it. Staby's Martin with the original Yep.

The babies have zero reaction, so Michelle tries again, maybe he didn't see this arrow in my head. Still no reaction from the babies, so Michelle turns to Joey and admits, I'm dying out here. Joey suggests that she go for her big finish, but Michelle doesn't really want to. He emphasizes everyone knows that a pie in the face is the oldest joke in the book, and it always gets a laugh. Michelle gives in, Okay, let me have it, so he pulls out a pie tin filled with whipped cream.

I just be mad at the whip cream on the floor.

And it gets on the wall.

Do you think I don't have enough to deal with?

Right?

Change and carpet?

Right?

This poor goal?

Like give her a break.

The least could have done is done this joke in the kitchen.

Yes, yes, like the floors already need to be waxed from the last easy clean up. So but the babies are finally smiling. One is laughing we at Michelle, and she victoriously says, I did it. I'm funny. Joey is stunned and he has a face full of pie. He reminds her I'm supposed to throw the pie in your face, but Michelle insists this was funnier, and as she tries to quickly run away, Joey tries to catch her. Then Steph walks in, Yet, Becky, can we talk woman to woman?

Just like a mother figure.

Yeah, I just it always makes me smile. So Stephanie asks Becky, what would you do if another woman stole Uncle Jesse from you? Becky explains, well, that would never happen because your uncle Jesse and I have a loving and committed relationship based on mutual trust and respect, and then she scoffs she'd never know what hit her stuff. Seems pleased, got it, Aunt, Becky? She's toast and gets up to leave, but Becky stops her and asks, is

I feel like scus Queen would be a great name for a punk band. Yeah, the Scugs Queens Queens.

Yeah, it's giving. I would give the germs kind of vibe, you know. Yeah, yeah, I would watch them in concert. H.

Then Steph cleverly explains, well, she was like a sister to me, but not anymore. I'm gonna win him back. Becky suggests, well, there's nothing wrong with letting him know why you're the one he should be with, and Steph nods in agreement. Right, and if that doesn't work, she's toast and she marches out with determination. Okay, okay, not not Becky's best talk, but that's okay.

She's going on went unanswered, but many or and then unasked.

Really but what stuff got? What she needed?

A vague answers to create confusion.

Right, like, we're on we're on minute eighteen. I need to wrap this up, so there's really no time for a heart to heart. Let's just speed it up. In the kitchen, DJ is anxiously waiting for the red recording light to turn off. When Kimmy barges in. She looks around frantically and slams the door. I know he's here. Where'd you stash him? DJ explains Tommy's downstairs in the studio recording, but I can't go down there until the red light is off. Kimmy grins and immediately starts to

That was such a Kimmy line. It's fantastic.

Things normally the stud puppy.

Yeah, liip wrestling. Wow.

Kimmy's very colorful with her descriptions and her choice of words. So yeah, that was a very Kimmy Gibler comment. DJ nods yes, and Kimmy exclaims, I am so happy for you, and I'm thinking of that meme. Well, you wouldn't know this, the Friends meme with Jennifer Aniston where she's just like, I'm so happy for you and I'm not jealous at all. That's like what I'm thinking. DJ has stolen Kimmy's crush. Stephanie's crushing.

No, cool, you got yours? I'm gonna She's.

Like, yeah, can I take a crack at it? And DJ's like, yes, I mind, he's not running a kissing booth. We're starting a real relationship. Kimmy shrugs, Hey, it was worth a shot. Well, good luck. When that red light goes off, it's a green light for love, and she does a little shimmy before heading out the door. I hated that line. I don't I was just embarrassed about this whole bit. I don't know green. It was just cringey, corny language, and I was selling I was trying to sell it, and I can't sell.

It otherwise it's even worse, and you it's worse thing is race.

I didn't want to say that step puppy or wrestlingly.

Aloof and uninterested and the most non of nonchalant.

Yeah right, but no, I shil made my way out that door and tried to sell it. Uh so, yeah, anyways, that was a thing that happened. Next, in the studio, Tommy is finishing up the vocals for his Stephanie song while Jesse helps him record it. Jesse admits, that was really nice of you to write that song for Stephanie, but Tommy comes clean, I didn't really write it for Stephanie. I wrote it for my girlfriend, Melanie. I just changed all the Melanies to Stephanie's.

Does Melanie laugh about your kissing of people?

Were Melanie at all this, Melanie would not be happy to see what has transpired at the Tanner House today between his date with the fifteen year old kissing ten year olds on the lips. If I was Melanie, I'd be like, this is a big red flag, dude, right.

Uh so?

Jesse laughs, telling him not to mention that to Stephanie and Tommy grinns asking him not to mention it to Melanie either. Then Jesse turns the red light off and DJ immediately walks downstairs. She tells them, oh, I just happen to see the red light go off, not that I was waiting for the red light to go off, because I do have a life. She sees Tommy and says, oh hi, completely bypassing Uncle Jesse on the way over to him. Then Stephanie walks in and says, oh hi, Tommy,

I knew it was gonna happen at some time. I didn't know what or when, but I knew i'd need the pictures.

You're an A plus student and so prepared for these petty little arguments.

I love it.

So she holds the photo out of DJ's reach and smiles. You didn't know I took this, did you? I knew it would come in handy yep. Steph runs away, but DJ chases after her. The girls run into the living room and Jesse's on their tail trying to stop them. Joey and Danny don't know what's happening, but they follow after Jesse to try to help. They run back into the kitchen and the guys are finally able to separate the girls.

When I kept coming around the kitchen table because there was that rug that like braided rug under it too, and I just wouldn't pick my feet up all the way and my toe would like catch and I would just eat it.

Every single take you would fall, and I'm like, can we get some different blocking in here? You just kept falling, showing up.

Child like you know what are you doing?

You're like, you just choreographed all the time. When I fall, it's because my brain is over ahead of me already and I'm not in my body, so I'm not really paying attention to.

Like how far I need to step up.

Or do something, and then I fall.

It's the easiest thing in the world, just got to run around the kitchen table. But nope, that's that is a challenge for little Jodi Sweeten. So Danny asks what is going on and Jesse emphasizes, next time you bring a star home, try Angela Lansbury. DJ is being held back by Danny, so she explains Stephanie thinks Tommy is her boyfriend and she's showing him embarrassing pictures of me. Steph argues, while being held back by Joey, he was to my boyfriend until you stole him. DJ Fire's back,

I at first it was Harry, Now it's Tommy.

I know, like stuff is unlucky in love.

He keeps stilling her men, I know this.

It's so ugh darnut, older, sister, it's just how rude. Indeed, So Danny walks over to Stephanie and explains, look, Steph, I know you feel very strongly about this, and I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but I don't think this is really love. I think it's just a crush, you know. Jesse adds, Yeah, Steph, your dad's right. You know, when it's really love, your heart starts pounding and your toes curl and you start sweating. Danny glances at him or lairs at him. So Jesse backtracks and well, this

Watch Times.

So the guys all look at DJ wide eyed, and Danny questions, when did this happen? You just met him? DJ explains, well, I know we only spent a couple of hours together, and it's true we haven't talked about commitment yet, but I think it's getting getting pretty serious. Danny asks, you know that nice little talk we just had with Stephanie, Well, right about now, I think we're gonna have that talk with you. DJ shakes her head in denial. Stephanie is a child. I am a woman.

Dude?

You caused this whole thing, like you've just been saying, waiting for your.

Right clear this up and be like, I'm so sorry.

I have I come from a family whose cultural background demands that we kiss people on the lips. And there must have been a great amount of confusion because need to be anything other than uh, hello, like.

This dude, man, he causes all this chaos and then then just watches it unfold and yeah, you could have solved this at least eighteen minutes ago. So uh. DJ walks over to Tommy and asks, will you please straighten everybody out about what's going on between us? Tommy tells them, well, DJ and I had a really fun day and I hope that we could be good friends. DJ WinCE's friends. You mean just friends. Tommy finally responds, Yeah, I'm sorry if you misunderstood. How about you're sorry you gave her

Very clear, this is not this was not time. It was the writing of the episode that that is what caused the thing, right, So.

It was the writing and the direction to hey, kiss these under girls on there.

The first second we read that at.

A table readly we've been like, uh, yeah, you guys, you can't have an adult Yeah, yess, that's weird.

Yeah the legal department. A teacher is a social worker. Wait, yes, uh so Stephanie confidently barges over and pushes her way past DJ. Well, now that she's out of the way, I guess it's just you and me Thomas. Tommy breaks the news that he just wants to be friends with her as well, and Steph reacts the same way. You mean friends, like you're just friends with DJ. He nods, but Stephanie's in denial. You wrote love Tommy on my CD, he smiles. I always write love Tommy. Sometimes I'll even

Little heart and my name because for that reason that I'm like, I don't want to.

Although there are some people that as you write me.

A personalized note about how great we are together, You're like, I don't we can do that.

I'll give you a little tiny heart and joy Sweeten.

Yeah, I don't know, yes, And I mean I never thought about that. I really, you know, stopped kissing all my fans on the lips.

Yeah, yes, I mean I.

Learned that lesson, you know what I mean, that lesson at the tender age of eleven. But yeah, it never occurred to me that people could misinterpret. And I always used to write love and everything.

I remember Gavin de Becker telling me as not well.

Yeah, me and my mom as a kid, uh to not to specifically not write that down autographs and things, because it does give some people the wrong intention because they think it is just me that you're writing this too.

Yeah, back to love Tommy, and sometimes he'll even forget and write it for a guy. Joey pipes up. Yeah, you gotta watch that. Tommy continues his apology tour. Look, I didn't mean to cause any trouble. He walks in between Stephan DJ and says, I hope you'll still come to my concert tonight. Okay, I gotta go. He shakes the guy's hands and tells them it was nice meeting them all.

He should have kissed them all in the lips.

I know, right, this is a double standard here.

That's what you're doing when you say hello and bide people, you kiss them then.

Uh so before you can go. Michelle walks in and she asks Tommy if he's leaving, and he kneels down to say, yeah, it was really great meeting you, Michelle, and he gives her a kiss on the cheek. Stop stop kissing, just stop, yes, like it's just too much kissing, don't. A wave from across the road is plenty.

Yeah, pat on the shoulder, you know what I mean?

My god, yeah, this was this was excruciating to watch, Michelle, She grins. She falls for this. Wow, you are such a babe, And as Tommy walks out, she turns to the guys and declares, I'm gonna marry him, and Danny says, oh man, it never ends. All the Tanner girls, all three of them, and Kimmy are falling in love with this guy. So later on in the girl's room, Steph is solemnly sitting on her bed with mister Bear by her side, always there, I know. DJ walks in and

Have the calligrapher was such an expense. I really got the huge expence embossed. Uh yeah, envelopes and everything.

With the wax on the stamp, with the wax on the back and everything for two and fifty people.

That's not cheap.

Yeah. Anyway, that's well, that's a big lesson learned. So DJ continues, you know what the weirdest part is.

He kissed all these young girls on the lips. Yes, you're not wrong, I think is the weirdest part that is.

That's one of the weirdest parts of this episode. Uh. DJ continues. Everything Dad, Joey and Uncle Jesse said was right, and I hate it when that happens. Steph realizes if this was just a crush, I don't know if I can take it when I really fall in love, what's that going to feel like. DJ doesn't know because she's never really been in love before, but she hears it's pretty intense. Just wait because Scott Wenger will be back

Yes, coming back, returning from the Witness production program.

Yes, exactly, uh so, Steph nods, I hear the same thing. And then DJ gets out of her chair and sits next to Stephanie on her bed. You know what, I just realized. I'm sitting here talking to you about love and boys. Steph, you are really growing up. She can't help but agree. Ever since I turned ten, life got so complicated, truly preach.

Yeah.

DJ goes on to say, well, one day we are going to be dating like crazy, and I want you to know that I will never ever steal one of your boyfriends, because guys are gonna come and guys are gonna go, But you and I will be sisters forever, and Steph smiles. Sisters forever, and they give each other a big hug. Ah. DJ demands and I want every one of those embarrassing pictures back, and Stephanie nods, you got it. But when DJ asks for the negatives, Steph says,

Cute storyline that was premit was executed with.

Some poor direction, yes, but absolutely it was.

Also it was also balanced out with great dancing, so fabulous dance. I feel like, yeah, it's yeah, I did. I forgot that he kissed everybody.

I was like, I don't, just so weird. Yeah, I don't remember cringing quite this hard when we were shooting it. I was just more like, oh my god, Charlie, nobody, no, nobody's batter than eye back then.

But it did.

Okay. So so Tommy Page in real life was gay, but he was in the closet at this point, and I think his manner was working overtime to portray that he's straight so that the teenage fans would still be in love with him or whatever. So this episode really felt like it was just sort of a part of the propaganda to convinced well he was straight, and that gives me the ick, like I'm just like, well, and that was.

I mean, how you know, I mean, even the sorry I'm having to send Zoe money right now because she's like, I need food.

Okay, that's changed lunch.

He kept calling me and I'm like, no, I record you know it. I mean, but that was very of the time, right. We made the joke about you know, George Michael and like that was you know, it was all you. They were all in the closet, which was unfortunate.

It is unfortunate, and I mean, and that's still.

True, right, I mean of.

I mean, we've known actors and people that like, if they're you know, super hunky and good looking, like and they happen to be gay, oftentimes their team is like, don't be super out with it because you're gonna kill your audience of you know, eighteen forty five year old women, and yeah, you.

Can only be a heart throb to the opposite set. Yeah, that was the mindset in the day. But well it was for Juan Pablo, like he mean, yeah, come a long time it came out.

I wasn't going to it, but he was. He was an attractive guy. He talks about it, Yeah, he talks.

About it, and so yeah, it's, uh, it is something unfortunate. Yeah, and I'm sure and I'm sure it happens to women too, just it's not. Yeah, I still think culturally we don't freak out the same way, but it's.

True, which is silly. We shouldn't agree either, But yeah, this was there was there was.

This was one of those episodes that I was like, hmmm mm hmm, okay, well yeah, moving on, moving.

Not right, and we I just couldn't figure out, Like, I don't think Tommy Page, the character was supposed to be a bad guy, like he came to this ten year old's birthday party and saying or a song like he's a good guy. Yeah, well meaning, but I felt like he was a bad guy because he caused all this drama and he led these girls on and he

Yeah, well, look in twenty twenty five, we probably would have done it very.

Differently, very very It's a you know, we hit a very nineteen.

Ninety two moment in the last couple episodes of like.

Ah well or yeah, big reminders that it's nineteen ninety two.

But you know, other than that, I do love the storyline between Steph and DJ and the sort of ridiculousness of it that they both It's kind of it's very reminiscent of the Secret Admirer episode in that everyone is sort of in their own delusion about yes, what's.

Really going on?

And that's kind of the funny part is these you know, two ten and fifteen year olds are like, I'm actually and everyone's like, no.

I'm his girlfriend, right, Yeah, that part was funny, the delusions of yes, you know, preteen and teenage girls exactly.

But no, I I it was that was what we did, and that was now what we did. So we never have to have any more kissing pop stars in the living room.

Thank God for this season. And we never see you, no, we never see you turn sixteen, so this is like your last now.

Jeff always said, if we if I have shown have made it till I turned sixteen.

He was like, I'll buy you a car.

And I've damn it man tarn it ABC by.

Like six more seasons. Oh man, dang it almost too bad.

But that was all I had. Did you have any everywhere you look moments?

Oh no, I was too squipped out.

I any everywhere you had one?

What was yours? My shark tooth? The sting there really starting.

To protrude right down stage on on my right side.

Oh yeah, downstage even so it's right there in the camera.

Shot depends on which I'm looking, I guess, but it was.

But in this shot, yeah, I was like, in that one shot, there's the tooth. So yes, if you if you guys haven't heard that story, it was on our when we collabed with pod Meats World a few months ago. Stephanie Jody told this snaggle.

Tooth sweetened story.

Yeah, too, sweetness, one of my favorite stories because you hate it so much because.

It's just it was just a soul crushing at the time. Now I'm like, oh my god, it's hilarious.

But like you, you were mortified, mortified about your snag tooth, your shark tooth.

Yeah, but no, that was my only everwhere you look was my my shark tooth.

So that's a good one. That that deserves its own everywhere you'll look there.

And it's gonna be everywhere you look for probably the next season.

Or two, so until you get your flipper. Finally, I couldn't get a for that because it was just so come down.

It didn't come down. That was the whole problem.

They have like extracted, what did they do?

And because I didn't was too crowded in there, dang it.

So I didn't move everything around anyway about my work history. I'm sure that you guys would like to be done with this episode because we would too.

On another tangent, I.

Don't even know another yeah Tanner engent. No, that didn't, that didn't, that didn't. Should should have not said that anyway. Thanks for hanging in with us until we hit our three of recording and are completely delirious and I have lost our.

We need food, we need yeah, in and out.

Thank you so much for listening to whatever we do on this show. We love you guys.

Check us out on Instagram at how Red Podcast. Send us emails at how Rude Tannerto's at gmail dot com. Check out our merch store howardmerch dot com and and I think that's it.

So we've done plenty to remember you guys. The world is small, but the house is full.

Of unsent wedding invitations from from the page Tanner wedding that was called off at the last night.

So yeah, just so many.

Caligraphy.

Yeah, it was yeah, the caliber for still waiting to get paid.

You know. That was eight years ago or so.

Yeah, sorry, uh anyway, it was the first of one of many weddings that I would.

Wait for me.

So all right, you guys, thanks so much for listening. We'll see you next time.

By A wish