Your Prinze Will Come

a disciplined beast man like. I've done a lot of movies up there. I met a lot of m m A fighters that are there different breeds than what we have done here. I've always respected it, and the musician life is the biggest struggle my My uncle's Paul Williams. That's the president of ASCA. That's your union dog. He was my dad's best friend. Wrote the ray about connection. Yeah, one of the I've always had a soft spot for musicians.

I know the hustle's real. And I love that you said you took three years writing songs in between albums and that's such the sign of somebody who's staying true to themselves, and I appreciate it As an artist. I just respect that. Yeah, man, dude, you're so good, isn't he is? That voice just coming through the He's got it. He's got it. Got the voice. The voices sounds like some dumb stoner surfer from l A. You have a fantastic voice. Dude, You're book more videos. Say our names.

We want to hear our names, Brooks and Gavin. There you go, so good? Should should we have him do like a lead in for the show how menting with Brooks and Gavin. That's right, don't forget to listen to Freddie's podcast. Have him say hey, this is Did we have him say his name before he say I'm guesting today with such and such start the show. Maybe you should read in the show like say hey, what's up blah blah and I got yes, Like that would be cool.

That that would have been cool like five minutes ago. For it's kind of cool. At the end of the show. On today's episode, right at the end, never say money friends Jr. Brooks and Gavin a great show and then it's over. We're going to have some more fun today, buddy. I always appreciate I appreciate you last week coming in and thank you again for coming here for this show. My pleasure man, I know Burbank well. Yeah, Friends, and the Wolf is our podcast comedian Josh Wolf. He's super funny.

He's been in the game forever. And uh my YouTube channel is called geg Head. It's Egghead with a G and it's a bunch of comics, actors, musicians, and pro wrestlers playing table top games. You guys want to have some laughs or see that kind of stuff. It's there to How do you? How does how did Gavin and Brooks get invited into Anytime? Man? What's going on around? He do a little cheaters Monopoly man cheeters Welcome. I feel like we'd be the suckers we show up to

like a dungeon dragon something. They just they just take all our money and do a starter group. You'll do a starter group we need? Yeah, Okay, let's do it. I'm in for I'm in next up. Diet al right, here we go, Gavin's favorite topic, diet and nutrition. Diet and nutrition are so important to me. They are I know I can live for them. Basic pizza based on the pizza that you were just ducking into blue cheese dress. But I can't believe we're talking about diet shod pizza

in our mouth. Yeah, we've been working hard. Thank you, d table pizza. We've been working hard. Chet cheet day. You are. You are a pretty much a professional nutritionist and registered dietitian. Anyway, when you walked in the room, I felt it. You could feel it for aura like I could sense it. It just it screamed Atkins. You saw those boxes on my stomach. He thought it was a storage facility. That's right, get cleaner as you wear. Just just to help you, just to help you do

the heavy lifting here. In this next second, we're also going to bring on friend of the show, previous guests of the show. She might be the first person that's been on two times with us. Christie's back with us, Christie, Christie, what's up? Hi? I know, I wish, I know, I so wish I could be instinuing with you. Guys know we miss you. So you're a sports dietitian at the

University of Southern California. You have a massive, massive resume here, but you are my favorite story to tell every time I talk about you, was you were our sports nutrition coach for the l A Kings when I played here in town. Yes, I was. Yeah, so we we if we're like our listeners to eight and drank probably everything over the holidays, we love for some tips in the start of the new year to get our diet and

nutrition back in line. Where do we start if we're just we just gorge over the holidays, where do we even start for this one? Well, that's a great question. I mean, I definitely think everybody, It feels like most people that I've talked to you to everybody has this goal for the newal of like how do I know, restructure my life and just cut myself into a better

routine and have it. And I always tell people that the best thing you can do for yourself is to track, not even on my Fitness Pal or any of those apps with calories, because I think that can lead to just obsessive behaviors, but just even just start like writing down what you eat and what time, everything that goes in your mouth, because I think people are so busy that would end up happening is that they hardly eat during the day and then they come home and they're

exhausted and they just eat a bunch of stuff at night, and then they start the cycle all over where they hardly eat in the morning it sort of continues, or they're snacking on things that they're not even aware of because they're so busy and they're hungry, and then a coworker brings and donuts or whatever, and you end up,

you know, falling into that type of habits. So the first thing I think would be to keep a food bog of what you eat in the times and begin to see your patterns like either you are not eating enough protein and so you're over eating on carbohydrates and sugars, or you have that you know, three o'clock slum in the afternoon where all you want is sugar, and that could be because you didn't eat enough at lunch. So you kind of begin to see you just habits and patterns.

I think that's all is a great place to start. And then it's being realistic with yourself of exercise, and that has to be a part of anybody's health and fitness goals is to fit that in. And what I think is happening because Instagram has blowing up with all these wonderful fitness videos and in different ways, finding something that really resonates with you instead of trying to do with what a friend of doing that you don't even like to do and you actually hate the whole time

you're doing it. So it's finding something that you really enjoy doing and that could be a video or could be trying a different class. Um. So those two things of the food blog and then finding something that you can commit to that you enjoy. In terms of moving your body, let's say say, oh no, you go. You're already logging. Over logging, Christie logging Now. They say that getting the right amount of risks helps your muscle develop. If I just sleep all the time, can I get ripped?

You're going to be shredded, Christie, sleep all day. As as you were talking, you're on the last time you're here with us, you were in studio, but you're on the phone right now. As you were talking, Gavin wrote pizza thirty on his plate as pizza plate, so he's taking your advice. And then and then as you talked about working out, he looked at me because I have a fitness appy. He's like, yeah, get me set up on that app. That's right there you go. I mean

I actually have and it's incredible. Yes, and for our listeners, for everybody listening. Also, we're going to give you fifty off your first month if you go to open Gym. Just go on, go on our Instagram. I can't believe you're not going to give me a free month, buddy. I'll give it to you if you go on. For anybody listening to your kickstarting your health, nutrition with Christy is a big part of it, but also fitness that

as well. Um, how men think listeners will get fifty off their first month, find us on Instagram at open Gym and when you sign up, type in h MT podcast all in capital letters and you'll get Is there a program for guys who don't want to pull tendons? Yeah? Man, we have bodyweight program which is like twenty minutes a day. My mom does that every single day. But you're gonna give Gavin two months, I'll give you Gavin two more months. He's so dedicated. Can I tell you what ladies worry about?

What's that? Yes? I need to get me. Something's wrong up here on my arms. Something's wrong right here. I'm pointing to my belly. But if I get if we get too thin in the belly, I'm going to lose the one part I like, which are the b o o bes you? Yeah, stop reusing Yeah, I mean that idea, right, I know everybody wants to have this like beautifully sculpted body, Like I want to lose it from here, but not here.

If I could just take this fat from a stomach and put it on my chest or like put it on my butt, like obviously there's I mean that's why I think lifting weights, especially for women, is so important. I think there's still this idea of cardio cardio cardio when it's I know, but it's I mean, it is really about sculpting and toning your body, and unless you have some type of resistance training, it's there's that is

such a huge component. And remember, after the age of thirty, you lose a pound of muscle a year, so already replacing that you are going to be replacing it with fat, and fat doesn't burn any calories. And now you're in a like a really a situation where you have to figure out what you're eating and how you're eating because you don't have a lot of room, you know, the muscle you have, the more calories you burn. Fat makes

drinking into pool easier though regardless of temperature. The only thing again, Brettie Prince Jr. Ever have to show his abs in a film. Yeah, I've had to show the washboard. I've had to show you not not when you got an eight package. So Chris Christie, can you can you give our listeners a couple of tips just to get him out of the gate to start. Yeah, that's what I wanted to ask you. If you're just getting started right,

like you're just getting started. It's hard to do stuff cold turkey, But diet is about ninety And this isn't me saying this. I've spoken to a couple of physiologists, and I've had personal trainers, and I've heard this repeatedly. The diet is responsible for just about of your gains and losses, and exercise is going to be the rest of that. Now, I've heard different numbers, but it's always high. What I know a lot of people who just say they can't cook, but prep meals seem to be the

easiest way I've found to do that. Do you believe in that? How can you help people? And do you think christ is diet. Oh absolutely not. It's exercise because those seriously, because there's plenty of people who work out all the time and you see them, you're you're like, nothing's changing. Like those are the ones that are doing all the work, and they'll do like those spend two hours in the jam. But then if they don't work on the nutrition, they're really just it's it's yeah, they're

not going to see results. So you'll never Christians part is huge. Yeah. I always say you'll never outtrain a poor it. That's good. You just won't. You just won't. Even if you train, even if you train as much as I train, you'll never out train a poor diet because the poor diet will continue and at some point the training will slack off a little bit. Diet, and specifically within diet, portion control is a massive, massive party

something to help with that. And I don't get any money from George Foreman, but those George Foreman grills are those little like little grills that fit in anybody's apartment. Freddie, I don't have a stove. You got a George Forman grill. And also it also helps with portion control because you

can only fit so much on that bad boy. But if you can get a chicken breast and some vegetables on there and do that, you know, three or four times in one night, and set your meal prep up for the week, that can help people a lot with making healthier choices. Man, a lot of times it's just choices, right,

Oh it is. I mean, I think what you said about like meal prepping is a huge component to this, because the point is that if you don't have the healthy foods in the house you begin with, then you you of you know, you're gonna start your work week and end up just eating out most of the time, which is a lot of people's problems. They don't kirk at home because they either they don't have the time

or whatever the situation is. But there's so many simple, easy things that you can prepare at home that are just like you know, badge cook a bunch of like groll, a bunch of chicken or roast, a bunch of vegetables. And when you're looking at your plate. For those that are trying to really cut back but they were so used to eating large portions, that's when you have to have half of your plate being vegetables and then a quarter protein and even maybe a little bit less of

a quarter then of carbohydrates. And eating slowly is also something that's incredibly important too, because if you're eating fast, then your body hasn't had a chance to kind of catch up and tell you that it's had enough. You're hungry, so then you go back and eat more. And then lady, you're like, why am myself full? Yeah? I gotta tell my ten year old daughter this all the time. I'm like, you're gonna make yourself sick, yea, but I'm not full yet. I'm like, because you ate a whole plate of food

in four and a half minutes, can go slow. The other thing, one other thing I think people are sometimes guilty of is they'll they'll be really they'll be like, oh, just they'll under eat. Actually, when we talk about portion control, I think some people will under eat, which leads to them over eating. So they won't they won't have breakfast, or they'll just have something light at breakfast. Then maybe they just have like a small salad lunch, but they're

really now starting to get hungry. They don't have a mid afternoon like healthy snack bar, and they push that off until like five or six o'clock. Then their their brain and their body is just going crazy and they'll just eat now anything like that. Bill Gates, he's the exception of the rule. Bill Gates does not eat breakfast. His first meal isn't until one o'clock in the afternoon every single day. I have no idea how he does. He might he might be intermittent fasting, or he's very

popular too. Can you touch on that, Christie, intermitte fasting, yeah, or just the not eating and then overeating at night. I mean both, Yeah, let's go both. Let's talk about Yeah. I mean I think inter fasting is. I mean, look, there's a lot of research to back it up. I'm one to say, like mostly I would say for the average person, it's it's not for everybody. Um, And you have to just do your research and do it in a way where you can do smaller windows. You don't

have to do these long hours without eating. But um, but I do think there's this over snacking issue some people do too, where that intermitte fasting can be very helpful, you know, so you you have a shorter window of

time during the day. But I don't think especially if somebody is starting out and they want to you know, look good and feel good for the new I would say, don't do any set don't I would you know, stay away from more of the diets and really just look at your behaviors and cut back on the amount of

sugars and excess snacking that people do. Which I think that when I see people in my private practice for weight loss, and when I start talking to them about what they're currently eating, they are just there in the car. They're snacking because they maybe bring nuts and now they're you know what, what once was like a healthier option to bring nuts in your car just in case you get hungry, But now they're sitting into hours of traffic and that bag of less is gone before they get home.

So there's a lot of that happening. Um. But I certainly feel like intermitute fasting can be really, really helpful for a lot of people. I've seen many people lose weight and keep it off by doing that. But it's a dedication. They really it's got to work in your life because it's you know, very difficult to do. If you want to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner in a timely fashion. How do you how do you feel about fat? Fat? You know what I mean, like food that has fat.

You're like no sugar, no carbs or less sugar, less carbs. How about fat? I'm actually trying to how do you

feel about fat? You know what I mean? Like cream heavy cream on the meat and that now, So I would prefer people to use healthier mono unsaturated fats, like to end extra avocado, go ahead and add an extra table stone of olive oil to your salad, um and still and be satiated that way then, um, cutting out fat or going for like the heavy fats, like you know, I'm just going to smother my salad and branch now because I want to because delicious. Here. Hey, so here's

another question. So I go out, you know for breakfast, say right, because I live in hotels and stuff. So um, when I say, I order some eggs, right, and I asked them, hey, do you mind not using any oil? Can you just please cook it in butter? How do you feel about that? Do I have a death wish? Um? Not necessarily, because first of all, that's that's one I never looked at one thing and it would categorize you as like, oh wow, like you're on to you grow

to destruction because you like your eggs and butter. But yeah, I was going to say that stuff, but but yeah, I mean, I you know, I don't think the butter is necessarily a bad thing. I think there's a lot worse um fats out there, to be honest, um, so I would which fats do you think are worse? Like so bad? Please? You're asking like you want to know

where they are so you could eat them. I'm kind of curious why all the hil There's a lot of stuff like canola oils that are very hy I mean, there's a lot of different like oils and and like I was saying, like ranch or um even like heavy creams, Like those kinds of things wouldn't be first on my list of something you should be having on a legular basis. But if you were, like, you know what, this is what I really enjoy, like having my eggs cooked in butter.

But then for the rest of the day, I'm very you know, mindful of other saturated fats that I put in my diet. That's the key. It's when people eliminate everything and then they're just unhappy and livable. Then they start eating other things. So to me, it's like looking at your overall diet and be like, if that's what you like for your breakfast, as long as the rest of the day isn't like pizza and burger and French

fries and other stuff, then you're okay. So canola oils like the Floyd Mayweather of oils, like it looks like it's going to give you something delicious, but at the end you're very unsatisfied. And canola oils are genetically modified. I think that's part of the problem. And then you've got to be careful too, like if you're you're heating certain oils as well, Like you really want to cook an avocado oil or coconut oil versus if you're frying

things in olive oil. It's not ideal. Listener, how do I know you're not invested in the avocado oil industries. I'm definitely not. I would just kidding, um. But yeah, So I think that it's kind of looking at That's what I was saying. I think everybody sort of needs to take a step back and look at their behaviors and point and understand some of the things that they're

consuming that they really enjoy. Like I have a client who loves bagels, and she's like, if I could just have a bagel for every breakfast, I really not crave as many carbs throughout the day. And I've done that. She's lost arouny fifteen pounds. But before she was like, I heard bagels are bad, they make you gain weight. That she may carbohydrates or whatever it's for her. My wife Jewish, she would have smacked her if she heard her say those things about bagels. See, but you've got

to work with each person. So I think that's why it's not a cookie cutter way of developing a healthy lifestyle, you know, and cookies can be part of that. Christie, I appreciate you coming on. UM, I have one more question, just one more, like, just tell our listeners if this is good or bad. This is what I uh, real simple formula I try and follow. Um. I try and

eat very lean. You're very clean, but I try and if I'm going to eat any carbs or starches, I'll do it before two o'clock because my metabolism will naturally slow down after two pm. And then in the evening I'll do a meat with a steam vegetable, so a protein with a steam vegetable carbs earlier in the day because your metabolism is higher steam vegetables, leaner meal in

the evening. So yes, all of that I totally agree with completely, unless you're a person who I have people who work out at night and then they're like the protein and vegetable saying. So it depends on also when your workout is. But you're right, carbs are designed for to the energy right, and as the day goes on and work, you know, most people kind of slowed down midday to the evening. That's when they should be having

less carbs forsa. But I have clients who work out let's say at seven, like six o'clock or right after work, all put in a little bit of carbohydrate, but a small amount um. But for in general, I would say that's a good that's a really good rule. But also to caveat that making sure that they're not over consuming on carbs earlier in the day because I can't have

them at night, you know what I mean. So I think it's like a little bit of Philip on my keen while lunch because I'm not gonna have any at dinner. So it's it's always like making sure that the amount is, you know, like a fist a fistful for most people. It depends on that. But if you look at your plate and it's covered in quinoa or you have a ton of potatoes or rice, it's always a good idea to cut back on carbs in general and sugar and

that proteins healthy fats and vegetables with the majority. Awesome, thank you so much. Chocolate and bowler berries I eat right before bed. I'm nailing it. Yes, listen, keep that in for sure, Christie, thank you so much. Um, where can our listeners find you? Should? They want more information on this? They want to start in a healthy new way. So a couple of I think, Amy, have my my social website. I believe, Um, and that made you get give out your new Instagram that you never post on.

I know she's so bad at market. So KM cam Sports Nutrition is the website KM Sports Nutrition. And then Um, do you want email or no, don't get your email? What's your instagram? Dude? Oh Christie dot Morrell m O R R E l L. So now you'll just see pictures of Christie's kids. Christie, I thought that's that. I agree, Amy, I know you've trying to start like a whole thing. She just told everybody want to eat. We're going to tell her to be better about marketing, you know. She

thank you so much. I always appreciate it. Gets never get down the marketing, um Amy. We gotta get Christie back in studio with us because diet it's such an important part of aut a healthy life. So thank you so much. Thank you Christy, Thank you guys. All right, take care. This one's the scary one. This is the scary one. This is a massive Our community reached out and sent us so many questions and topics and wanted us to dive into this one. Anxiety, anxiety, stress, all

of the things anxiety. We're going to dive in to anxiety. People want to reduce the amount of stress and anxiety that they have in their everyday life. I want nothing more for people to reduce that and feel calm and feel grace and feel poised and fun and free in their lives versus stressing, stressing, stress. I know people in my life who are just stressed, and it doesn't I don't even want to be around them because it's that

energy is just resonating off. So we have with us Dr Hillary gold Shure, Hillary, are you on the phone. I am, Thank you so much for coming on so uh Dr Hillary, you are a licensed clinical psychologist with a private practice in Beverly Hills. You specialize in treatment of couples, relationships, depression, anxiety, trauma, grief, eating disorders, you name it. Um, where do we even start with somebody

that has anxiety? What's like the the first place you'll look at their lives or the first area you're able to help. Yeah, I mean, anxiety is a symptom that typically comes from pushing away painful, difficult, stressful thoughts and emotion. So it usually shows up as a symptom. So I always want to know what things are going on in

their lives outside of the anxiety symptoms. What's happening professionally, personally in the relationships, issues that they've had in the past, etcetera, that are contributing to their tendency to like avoid painful thoughts and feelings because they usually show up a symptoms of anxiety. MM. So if somebody let me impact that a little bit. So if somebody, let's say, somebody goes to even eating, eating can be a very unhealthy thing

they actually won't have an eating problem. They will have some sort of anxiety or an issue or a trauma somewhere else in their life that they becomes the result of avoiding the pain of this other issue. Is that correct? That's right. The eating becomes the symptom, that's right. So it probably is also true that they then have manifested in eating problem, if you will. So it's not that it can't be true that the eating issues are invasive

in their life as well. But in order to get to kind of the origin of it, yes, almost always, really without exception, there's something else going on, and the eating or the drinking or the overworking or whatever the symptom is is a mechanism of escaped. So how do we encourage somebody. My dad when I was, when I was a child, and just even still as in my life now, my dad, hillary Um always encouraged this. He said,

run towards the fire. And my dad was a principal, and he said every day when he got to school, the first thing, the first three things he did in the morning were the three things he least wanted to do in the course of his day. And so he he built this monster to run towards the fire, and he goes, after I did those three things, Brooks, I could get on with the rest of my day, and and I wasn't left worrying about Oh at the end of the day, I now have to conquer the three

biggest beasts of my day. So he instilled that in myself and my brother and my sister, run towards the fire. And it's been a phrase that I've leaned on a lot in the course of my life. Um, But for our listeners who are maybe scared of that or haven't been trained or taught that, how what are the first steps we can encourage somebody to move towards a trauma or an issue or a problem, because that's not a fun thing to do. Nobody will really wants to do that.

I love that that's such that that is such good psychological advice. It's such a good way of taking care of like your brain and your heart is to kind of run towards what's hard, and you know, the way to kind of break that down in the way that might feel more digestible for listeners who are just kind of consemplating this possibility is like finding a safe place, a safe way to think about feelings, to think about issues, to think about inner conflicts, to think about things in

their lives that aren't working. And so a safe place might be therapy, a safe place might be a trusted friend. A safe place might be meditating. A safe place might be journaling, you know, finding an outlet that feels possible to let some of those kind of scary, difficult thoughts come up, because when they stay kind of stuffed down

inside of us, they always create symptoms. And even though it's scary to kind of look at that stuff closed up and feel the pain and the fear and the hopelessness or whatever comes with it, it is always the first step towards healing. It's always the first step towards sort of lifting the haze of anxiety. That's sort of what this show is. That's why we started this gaye for us, uh Dr Hilary. We wanted to do. I'm not good naturally at talking about my emotions or my

feelings or vulnerable disagree. I was not though, That's why this this podcast for me. It keeps me honest, and it keeps me It's it's training to to use a muscle that's not natural for me. So in doing this podcast, I've got better at sharing vulnerabilities and insecurities and hopes that it encourages other men to do that um or

other other women too. UM. But how do we trying to think where to go with this is, how do we encourage other people to accept that discomfort, because even for me, it's hard, Like for on on the show here Gap, we challenge each other all the time. We need to open up more, we need to be more vulnerable, We need to like say more truths, hoping that uncovering these will help people out there that are really struggling.

But it's damn hard to move that way. It's but I think, and I think part of the reason it is tough is because everybody is so afraid to say the wrong thing in an effort to express themselves. That people just keep their mouth shut about a lot of things. And so, you know, we're not all politicians. Sometimes you're just speaking off the cuff and something may be misinterpreted as a quote unquote wrong thing to say, but you're just you talking through how you feel at the moment.

You haven't quite formulated how to express it yet. And I think that's also a part of why people have a hard time beginning the process of discussing certain things that are difficult for them is because they're afraid to say the wrong thing in the process of trying to figure out how to say what it is it's on their mind. Yeah, I think, I think you're so right.

There's just that vulnerability to be seen as weak, or to say something that someone feels offended by, or to say something that is politically incorrect, whether it's sort of in a macro sensor, just in a micro sense, that context of your life. Yeah, we all understand that. Yeah, right, Ye, all of those gears exist. But you know, I think perhaps for your listeners, the idea, uh and it sounds

so cliche, but it's really true. And I love how you guys are talking about this, the idea that they're really not alone, that everybody, men and women alike, experience that fear of being vulnerable, vulnerable, experience, that fear of exposing parts of themselves that feel you know, unfinished, not short up, afraid, and the idea that like, we're all human and all are in this together and all have similar experiences, and you know, it's just having this conversation

with the client recently that for men and women alike, there there's there's a strange ability for you know, kind of the mind and body to not have great muscle memory around this stuff, meaning that most people will report when they are open and vulnerable that later they feel pretty good about it, but the next time they go to do it, they're just as scared. It's hard, and

it's always hard. And maybe if your listeners sort of know that, like every one of us men, women, therapists, you guys are like, you know, when you're struggling with something and you go to be vulnerable, that it's hard each time. It's like the human experience, the sorry, but the no, go ahead and go ahead. I think it's served that weird dichotomy between being brave enough to be

vulnerable and how you know that. It's sort of this interesting fine line between the two things, but they are interrelated. I often say to my patients, you aren't brave unless you're afraid. Do you know what I mean? That's that's brave or courageous unless it's hard, That's right, It's yeah. I feel that way. Honestly. When we do this show, we walk in the studio and every day when I walk in. I'm I'm honestly scared. I'm I'm we're going

to talk about something. There's something in me that I'm like, Oh, I don't want to talk about that, but I make YouTube, GAV. We make a conscious decision when we enter this studio that we are going to do the hard work. It was our pledge in our very first podcast. We're gonna be open and genuine and raw and try and do hard work on ourselves, hoping, just hoping that somebody out there listening might be inspired by that or see that it's okay to feel that way, or resonates with it,

or knows that they're not the only one feeling that way. Um, and for anybody listening, it does actually get easier. So I don't know what this is podcast thirty or what it is, but the first few were like, WHOA, this is tough to open up, and but now it's starting to come in and the conversations are more free flowing. And as you said, Dr Hillary, it's amazing when you express like a a trauma or an insecurity or a feeling of concern and you openly express it and it's

received with no judgment. Quite often, I think we think we're going to be judged when we we say something like that, but actually the people around us are just gonna shower us with love and affection and line up to help. That's the other thing. We've seen such a response from our our listeners, and any time in my life when I've reached out to a friend or family

member or something, they drop everything in line up to help. Yeah. Well, I think there's also you know, I think there's there's there's sort of there's a group intelligence, and there's also a group there's certain like a group I Q, but there's also a group EQ, you know what I mean. And I think that that that's an element to it as well, where you put it out there and people

begin to say, okay. All it does is we have to realize also from where we are our platform is that when we talk about what we're going through, it's simply human humanizes us and it allows other people to sort of express themselves too. And so that's the beauty of the format, you know, to discuss things that are on our mind. There is that amazing phenomenon. We're almost always when we are vulnerable and open up. You're right,

people people come towards us, not move away. And I think part of that is that people are inherently good, But part of that is because it touches within ourselves. We recognize each other. I feel that too. I'm afraid to I'm vunerable too, and you're so bullied that someone else and showing that part of themselves that people, I think UM are are mobilized by it. It's really powerful. I have a question for you, Dr hilary Um. What area of most people's lives gives them the most anxiety.

Would it be relationship, would it be career, would it be finances? What? In your practice? What do you see most common that people struggle with it gives them the most anxiety. I would say that the deepest, most soulcial anxiety, if you will, usually is around relationships. Is around one's you know, most primitive relationship, typically the romantic relationship. Sometimes other relationships are the most formative, depending on one's life circumstances.

But I would say those are the ones that tend to those type of anxiety. These are the ones that tend to break freely, even um the most sturdy of coping mechanisms right in it, of course, I see a lot of anxiety around and professional staff and finances and all of that. But I think it's for me. It's people's core, this relationship stuff and all the vulnerability that comes up and things that it pulls up from our past,

pains from our past, and business from our past. That was my next question is what specifically within a relationship gives the most anxiety. Is it insecurities? Is it fears? Um like but you said things from our past? Is that things about us that we're not proud of, things we've done, things that were shameful of. You know what

I often see. I mean, certainly it is in that subset what you just mentioned, certainly, But what I most often see is some version as you were just talking about about insecurities, fears of abandoned, the fears of vulnerability, that instead of showing up that way, show up in another way like anger or shutting down, or infidelity or

overworking or drinking. Right, you know, things that that negatively impact the relationship are invasive to the connection of the relationship, And oftentimes though is But oftentimes, if you dig in with the client and relate it back to their early childhood years, their dynamics in their family of origin. You find pains and wounds and hurts that never really got

resolved that can get projected onto the current relationship. So if, um, if somebody felt like, oh, their their mother never really saw them fully as a person, was you know, felt sort of abandoning emotionally, that that person can be overly sensitive to their partner checking out or not attending to them, for example. So oftentimes we're able to link those things and and make some pretty powerful progress as a result.

It's that that's fascinating to me because that's like a puzzle, right, that's like a like a it's a deep dive of a journey. Seeing this from twelve years ago affects this decision making process today. And we all have it. We all carry their past with us and it shows up in our present. And and unless we actually do some of this reflective work and you said it's journaling, you said it could be talking to a therapist. Uh, these different practices reading, Um, we're going to carry this behavior

with us in the future. And I also believe that a behavior doesn't define a person. So if we acted a certain way or act a certain way, that's a behavior, but that doesn't mean, that's necessarily who we are, so I can I can do something gave to you that upsets you, and you might still love me as a dude, but you're like, I don't like that behavior. That what you just did there, you know what I mean. So for people listening, I don't want them to be defined

by their past. I don't want their future. Sure if they if they have a traumatic past or things that they're insecure about, our fears or something, I don't want them to carry that into the president or into the future. But I do want them to, as my dad used to say, run towards the fire, discover what that is, lean into that and really own it, wear it and say that was a part of me. But I can

today change the path of my future. I haven't mentioned it yet, but I love hearing you quote your dad because my dad always used to say something almost identical, because I'd say, run to the lion. Oh yeah, he'd always run to the line, run towards the line, same exact kind of thing, you know it was about. You know, he'd say, don't waste your calories trying to get away from the problem. Go to the problem. Don't exhaust yourself

trying to get away from it. Go fix it, whatever it is, go at it, you know what I mean. And U said to about the you know, there's such a beacon of hope in the notion that we are not our behavior. And for your listeners, beautiful who are considering all of this and feel shame or whatever the right word is about some of their behavior, how they move through the world or through relationships, you know, really clinging onto that notion that you are not your havior.

You know, some of those behaviors may come from these wounds that we're talking about, and there's there's a chance to shift that. There's a chance to change that, to understand it and make different choices in our future. So not feeling like we're stuck in some narrative that we've internalized about ourselves can be a really you know, hopeful notion when someone just feel stuck in anxiety or stuck

in behaviors, are stuck in a way of being. Yeah, And I think I think the self talk you just touched on it, like the way we talk to ourselves, the way we treat ourselves is as important in that or more important than the way anybody is going to treat us. Um. And just while we're on this, one of my best buddies, UH put this on his instagram yesterday. Mike Green put this on his instagram. I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become.

It's a quote by Carl J. Young. UM, And I saw that, I was like, I love this man, I absolutely love it. Um. So it's it sounds so easy that. But you said your dad said run toward the lion. I say, my dad said run toward the fire. But UM, any other tips or tricks? Dr Hillary on how we can encourage somebody to move toward the issues or problems or traumatic areas in their life in order to understand it. UM,

come to terms with it accepted. I believe acceptance is part of it, moving on, accepting your your mistakes, accepting your behaviors. Accepting that is part of being able to move on and let go. But do you have any before we let you go? Any more tips and tricks to give our listeners. I let's just say this, I mean, just kind of really taking in that it is. It is an active choice because if we kin kind of wait for it to happen to us, you know, moving

towards the fire to use your dad's ideas. We usually can't get out of our own way. We keep repeating the patterns that we're used to, right, so if we kind of have a passive approach it, it's hard to make a shift. So it can feel a bit overwhelming.

But the idea of like just one active thing, one thing, one little thing that's different, and picking from any of the things that I talked about before, you know, opening up to your partner, opening up to a friend in a way that you typically don't, making an appointment with a therapist, you know, journaling, even sitting down and meditating

for two minutes and focusing on your breathing. Just interrupting your way of being with some consciousness and mindfulness and exploration of emotions if possible, in just the smallest way, can begin to open the door. So I think it's it's like a twofold message. Yes you have to be active, but it can also be really small. You can do in these tiny little whispers, these tiny little increments, and start to build that muscle for it instead of doing like it has to be um you know, very dramatic

shift from one moment to another to make anything. I love that. Also, as I was listening to you talk there, I was just thinking about, Um, I'm thinking really about a listener out there who's listening to this and has something that they want to bring up, whether to a romantic partner, to a friend, to a family member, whatever, they have something that they want to bring up. Doing so to a person in your life is actually going to be an amazing filter for the people in your life.

So if I have something that's vulnerable, insecure, something that I need, whatever it is that I need to bring up to say it's to Gav and he completely rejects it or makes fun of it or shuts it down, that to me is a great filter on what kind of person this is. Or if he leans in and says, tell me more, how can I help, Like I'm here for you. I actually struggle with that as well, Like I'm here whatever you need. Like that is an amazing

filter for the quality of people in your life. So I do want to encourage people to have that courage to open up, to lead the discussion, to step forward and say I want to talk to you. I actually have something that I'm really that's really giving me anxiety and issues, and I don't want it to be a an issue in my life anymore. Can I talk to about this with you? Can? I trust you? And the response from that person you'll find out pretty soon, I

mean what what the quality of that person is. Absolutely, try to give you a lot of information about the people in your life. From that standpoint, maybe it feels less risky because you may find out, Wow, this person is available to me in a way that I didn't know or or didn't fully accept or embrace. And and maybe you find out like, Okay, this kind of stuff isn't totally safe with this person, right. I have a clinical uh term, it's called that person sucks. That's what

we call it. Um Dr Hilary, Where can people find you? I love your mission? I just absolutely love it. I'd love to have you come in studio one day and talk to us because, UM, I have people in my family who go through and close friends who go through depression, UM anxiety, people that are dealing with trauma and grief. We all are at some degree of time and it comes in ebbs and flows and cycles, and sometimes things come up. I'm actually dealing with working through hockey, working

through retiring from hockey. It's something that I want to do in and I'm unpacking. I'm currently on a journey unpacking the traumas and griefs and resentments and frustrations and failures and all of this stuff that I'm carrying from my career in a sport that I don't want to carry with me anymore moving into my life. So um, I would love to even personally, even just sit down with you, but have you in studio, so many more people can benefit. But right now, before we do that,

where could people find you that are listening right now? Yes, well, you and you're listener can find me at Dr Hillary fold Sure dot com and it's two L s h I L l A R Y g O L D s h e er dot com and we'll have these in the show notes. Yeah, that's it. Thank you so much. Thanks, I'd love to come in and talk more about yeah. Please, Yeah, we'll have to make that happen for sure. Okay, thank you, Dr Hillary, appreciate your time so much. Thank you very much.

You've you've been so helpful to myself and and to our listeners and gav you never need to help your perfect buddy. But You're perfect Brooks. Thank you, Dr Hillary. We appreciate you. Thanks Doc, Buddy, we crushed out again. I think it was out of the park. Man. We're on a rocket ship here in absolutely one weekend we're killing. One weekend we're taking. We are taking how men think to be the best podcast on the air. That's what we want. Our goal. We just want to serve as

many people as we can. That's that's really the mission of it. So keep adding, keep adding value to people's lives. They'll keep listening and they'll share it with their friends as many friends as they have. Better you better. Um. We have more topics that we didn't get to today. We didn't have enough time to um. But there's marriage and anxiety, there's career. These are all topics you guys

sent to us. Career finances, read a book, financial freedom, self care, diet less, multitasking, patients, being present, increasing income, communication with husband, so many more topics. So laundry list that the only thing we didn't mention was laundry. Laundry. Yeah, basically we need to work on our laundry. Um. You probably just buy new clothes, you don't even launder them sometimes. But these these were gonna keep this list. We're going to dive into some of these topics in future episodes.

Um and as always, guys, we've always said this, this podcast is a vessel here, a vessel of service to serve you guys. So keep sending us your emails, your topics, your thoughts, your questions men at i heeart radio dot com and how Men Think podcast on Instagram, and Gavin personally responds to all of them. It's just because, Um, the typing thing is something I enjoyed doing so much on the keyboard, you know how, like last week you

said the piano. Last week you said, like one of the things you want to be best better at is like finishing things you start, like emails, like emails, sponding email, when people send messages to How Men think, You're gonna answer them all. If you ever get something a reply back that you don't like, it was Brooks, oh dang. And if you do like it, it was you. Yes, yeah, buddy, buddy,

I'm excited we're rolling in. I love this. I love I just love the turn of the calendar, the new year, the new decade, and I love seeing your face every day. That's it for this week. Man until next week. Everybody, take care of one another, love one another, and we'll see you back here for another episode of How Men Think. Goodbye,