Valentin's Day

joined by Scott Evans in Hollywood and everything else. Breath just trying to you know, trying to stay employed out here, trying to get this house. But I think I did just see on on Brooks's um Instagram. I believe he was kayaking Niagara Falls, but he's going up, going up the falls, um. And my comment was, I think you're

doing that wrong, but I still admire it. Still. I'm not sure if I told everybody who at this is Demitri of the way, but yes, I saw Um Brooks posted this thing the other day where he was like playing spike ball or whatever that is, and he's up in the air like six ft there's everything is is ripped on him. And it was like the advertisement for spike Ball did not look as good as this thing. I was like, man, you're just like he even makes

spike Ball look intimidating. And we're like, what seventy two years into quarantine and you stilln't to have every single one of your abs, like you still have right like under ten percent body fat, like you've not had a donut. The entire form team right exactly. I'm trying to get a gluten allergy right like I'm trying to catch it. I'm told it doesn't work that way, but like, man, it's it's real, it's real. The only thing I realized lately is that I'm not good enough shape to play

spike ball. So I give up. It's a minimum requirement. So we're so we have a night special guest joining us, say Valsch Murkoffsky from Dancing with the Stars. Yeah, I hope there's no there's no beef between dancing shows here. Are you okay with us? No? See, I'm not a pro. I'm just the host the World of Dance. You know what I'm saying. Now, If you'd have brought Derek Huff, I might have been an issue, right, But they're actually great friends, and I know that that that wouldn't have

been an issue either. But that is a He is a good dude, you know what I mean. Not only is he an incredible dancer. I've met him years ago at one of the UM I think it was a a promo shoot for Dancing with the Stars. It was the year that Paula Deane was on, and that was the first time I'd ever interviewed Val. I've met him a couple of times. It ever interviewed him and it was like, you know how you you just meet some people and it's like, actually, we have a really good vibe. Yeah,

he's one of those people. He's and he's he every time he showed up the same way. He's a good guy. And his brother too. I So, I'm a comedy writer and I'm a comedy consultant. I worked with different celebs and I was working on Steve Harvey, Steve The Steve Harvey Show, and uh Max came on with Peter and

then Mountain come on as well. And man, you just know when people come someplace, you can just tell right away what kind of person they are by the entourage that they come or don't come with the attitude the way you know when they speak to people, even someone that was showing them the room, you know, their addressing room, just so polite and so nice and and and humble and and and that's exactly the way, uh, the way he and his brother are. So I'm looking forward to

this to speaking with him as well. And he had to make up, you know, uh with Max, who's like six nine something from my perspective, he's six nine, you know, with talent, you know, he's like five three. I give him a hard time every time. He's like, I gotta be the better dancer because he's taller than me. So funny, I can't wait. Yeah, Um, well, we're gonna go to a break and then I think let's just get him

in here and start the conversation. Let's do it. All right, we're back and Scott and I are joined by Val. I'm gonna say it, Smurkowsky, good right. I want to ever get it right. Uh my wife got it right a couple of times. But that was really good, thank you,

of course. Uh no, I'm used to you know, my name is Dmitri obviously, and when when I was growing up, um, nobody could pronounce my name, and so it was you know, I was back in the early eighties, and so when I was in school, they'd be like, every time the substitute would get to the name on the list, they pause, and I just raised my hand and be like here, so all right, well thanks for joining us, Thank you, thank you for having a lot of exciting stuff going on. Um,

let's get into it first. So you're you're when we were, tell why don't you get everybody familiar with yourself a little bit? Yeah, I mean because because you have quite a you and your brother have quite an interesting story. Um, I guess the elevator intro is. Um. I am a Latin dancer from Ukraine that grew up in Brooklyn, New York in a you know, fairly conservative Eastern European family. Uh, moved to americaand ninety four when I was eight years old. Um. Yeah,

I grew up on everything Brooklyn at that time. You know, I was influenced by the hip hop culture that was going on, the Melican pot cultural uh, surroundings of mind from like every ethnic group in the world, you know, going from a place where you just see one type of person from I'm from the Ukraine, mum, to then seeing all these colors, all these cultures. I think that had a huge impact on me and me moving here when I was eight versus my brother moving when he

was fourteen. You could see a difference in even the assimilation, right, and how quickly I picked up basket Uh basketball, get yeah exactly, but like how quickly I picked up the language versus even him till this day, um versus you know, just in general, the spirit of of a you know, I feel like kids, kids see the world from a

different lens, you know, in a different way. So he was fourteen, he was you know, I don't know if Stephan Marbury went to Lincoln High School that was around Coney Island area, and so that was the high school that my brother, uh initially was supposed to go to, and uh, he was incredibly intimidated by just again, it was like a title wave of change. Um. And yeah, I think that impacted the rest of our lives. You know, it's like a domino effect. Anyway, I grew up in

New York. How did we get into dance? My parents never danced, because I think that's like, you know, people know me from Dancing with the Stars, They know both of us from you know, from the world of dance. But um my first I guess artistic passion was violent. I played violin very seriously from what I was I would say, five years old till about seventeen. The city that I'm from, Adjessa, is on on the coast of

the Black Sea. It's a very vibrant city. It's like, you know, the New Orleans of the Soviet Union at the time, and so jazz music it's like a huge part of that of that city. So and and that city has, um, I guess, the most prestigious music school in in the former Soviet Union, where so music and stuff was always out of kind of in your in your blood or in your Yeah. So I got a question though, So you and your brother, you're you're two

extremely good looking, straight, fantastic dancers. Like you guys basically cornered the market on that point, Like how did I want to get into that? Like how you guys both dance became such a big thing for both of you. It was, I mean, it was, it wasn't I know, like some people, like I don't know the be age, some people see footloose and they're like, man, I want

to be a dancer. I personally saw a fletch and I was like, I want to be a smartass, Like that's where I'm gonna That's where I'm gonna use my talents. But so how did that happen? Yeah, I I saw Jordan's and I wanted to be a basketball player, you know. Um, and then um, you know, my groatspur didn't hit as hard as I was expecting. But but dance was an after school activity and and and the Ukraine it wasn't

tabooful for boys to dance, you know. I mean, I'm gonna lie and say it was as cool as wrestling, but it was. It was similar. You know, you signed your kid up for boxing, you signed your kid up for ballroom dancing, you signed your kid up for gymnastics, and so um. When my brother was five years old, my parents wanted to be great parents. They were young. They had him when when they were nine years old, and so uh, you know those ideals of young parenthood.

You know, you're trying to put him into all these things and give them opportunities and so um. One of the things in Ukraine they had an after school activity for boys to you know, learn uh etiquette, you know, how to be young gentleman, and ballroom dancing was part of that curriculum. Then the boom dance teacher saw him, recruited him, told my parents that he had a lot of potential. Whether he did or not, I don't know.

You know, boys are scarce in the field. They're very scarce in the field, So I don't know if she was just recruiting another boy. But he signed up and and and really my parents loved what it did for his social fear. You know, it opened him up. Whether there was no intention for ballroom competitive ballroom Latin dancing to be a career path at any point, it was just a tool for a young man to develop himself outside,

you know, as an athlete. He swam and played tennis as a as a you know, in his artistic inclination, which again ballroom dance kind of uh covered that, but also his social ability to like be okay in the in the you know, in the distance of a female. Right.

So it's like the more distance, the more fear, the more I feel like as you grow up with that, the more discomfort because you know, and whatever anxiety, whatever, whatever, you know, the less you know it was, the less you know, right, Yeah, yeah, you don't know how to act, you act exactly and so um yeah, then we moved. And when we moved to Brooklyn. Uh, you know, we

didn't have much. My parents were working and uh, you know, they believed that, you know, they want their kids to to to stay out of trouble, they need to occupy their time, um, while they're at work. So we went to school at the school. We were packed. So I signed up for dance as well because my brother was going to dance. They found a local dance school. Um, signed me up for violin. I was going to some violin, you know. And it wasn't like in in the in

the school structure. It was more like we found a private you know, we found a violent teacher in the Russian community. We found a ballroom dance school in the Russian community. You know, you gravitate to the community that you're familiar with. You try to find as much familiar ground as possible. And so um in Brooklyn too, you have you have those those communities exist, right Oh yeah, yeah, that you you moved from from the Ukraine to Brooklyn, but it was just another where you moved. This is

another version of Ukraine in Brooklyn. It was. It was a micro Yeah, it created that and that's you know, that's as important. Yeah, it's very important. And I'm so lucky for that because you know, we joke around and no offense to Milwaukee, but if we moved to Milwaukee, and I know there's a Russian community in Milwaukee as well,

just believe it or not, it's Russians everywhere. Um to New York City was like the greatest thing in the world, you know, for us, because it was tough, it was really difficult, but it, you know, laid a ground word for a work ethic and and a cultural enlightenment. Like I said earlier, that I mean served me till this day. You know, I'm so proud to have had that influence. Ut you know, we have a famous story where we landed in Brooklyn the second day in America. Are you

know some friends to relatives we didn't have. We don't have the many relatives in America. You know. It was just the five of us, uh, you know, parents, my brother and myself and our grandma and they have lived here since the late seventies, so they were a little more established. They got us roller blades and so we put on these roller blades and we go across the street to the park and we get surround. Well we gets right, he gets surrounded and gets robbed for his rollerblades.

And you know, in hindsight, it's it's a laughing matter because we're all good, everything's fine. But um yeah, he he laughs because he was he was robbed by like the United Nations. You know, it was like two Italian kids, you know, a black kid as you know, a Puerto Rican kid, an Asian kid, an Irish kid, and they were all like just hanging and and so so a dude with rollerblades on, you know. So um yeah, that was kind of like our welcome to America. Uh, unfortunately

that's not that's not good welcome to America. But I don't know if I answer your question. The point is dance was a tool for us to earn some money. And that's weird to say, but our first gig, I was twelve. My brother was seventeen at the time, and well he had worked since he was sixteen. But when I when I turned twelve, when I was already like good enough to to look at as a dancer, uh,

definitely illegally employed for sure. I mean I'm sure some labor laws were questionable at the time, but basically we started dancing in Russian restaurants in Brooklyn, New York, in that community. And usually it was like Friday nights, like eleven thirty pm, Saturday nights eleven thirty pm. That was like the time when you know, after the appetizers were served, you know, the liquor had settled, and now you know,

let's let's have fun. And it's that whole scene. Is the whole scene, bro, It's that Eastern Promises type of scenario. You've got live cabaret singers, a feast going on, and you know, some shady stuff going on somewhere in the kit. Like,

it was the whole thing. And I had twelve years old, this was my stage, and um and I was getting paid twenty five bucks per night, you know, and like I saved up and bought myself a game boy and at twelve years old, you know, to be able to learn how to earn uh using a skill that like, you know, it became my superpower besides the the earning you know, and and earning my dues as well financially

for the family that didn't have much. Um, I bought myself a pair of Jenkos, you know, I never like, which which was a huge waste of money for my parents, but for me, that was social currency. Man. Like, you know, I went from I didn't have any Jordan's growing up. I didn't have you know, my parents like bought me sneakers from payless for thirty bucks, and I thought, I was, like,

I was so grateful, you know. So for me to be able to earn some money buy myself some Djenkos and finally get you know, start assimilating into into the crowd of the cafeteria was like a huge deal. And I think you definitely you said you started dancing to earn money. I think you certainly accomplished that. I mean, probably more than you ever dreamed. Did you. Did your brother get your roller bloods? Oh no, you never rollerblades since?

Never again? I smell a gift, right do that? But that it's interesting because you talk about dancing in restaurants right as kind of like the after meal entertainment right to then multiple worldwide Latin Dance Championships, multiple US championships, I think two times, two time mirror Ball championship. You know what I'm saying, so you you go from dancing in these restaurants to dancing on the biggest stage in the country, um, on television weekly and winning. What was

that like for you? Going from from living in in on the East coast, now you're on the West coast, this big show. You're single, dude, you're killing it. What is life like then? Um? It was, you know, incredibly Like I felt an incredible sense of gratitude. I think that's why, you know, I do so much mentoring and trying to pass it forward so much that that's where it comes from. Is that I feel really lucky. Um. And yes, luck is preparation needs opportunity. I don't I

don't feel like I don't deserve this. I I definitely deserve it. But I'm very grateful to have been given, uh the good fortune to be at the right place that you know, it's like the Outliers that booked by Malcolm Coldwell, It's like there's there's a reason for everything, and I'm grateful for that struggle. I'm grateful that I

was playing. To answer your question, it's all relative, you know, from I danced in restaurants, UM, nursing homes, you know, like that whole thing to too, and because violin was a big thing to Carnegie Hall at fifteen too, you know, Lincoln Center, and then local competitions and you know and like weird places in the Tri State area with like thirty people in the audience and twenty kids dancing, you know,

to Dancing with the Star. But it was a slow grind and to be completely honest, like there wasn't a time where I didn't feel happy or feel like confident, you know, for me, being in that restaurant was as you know, there was as much accountability and focus and you know, and you know afterwards joy um as there is now on Dancing with the Stars like that. It's

pretty It's never changed. That's pretty. I mean, obviously I think you you obviously come from a good family and you have that in you that you're grateful to begin with. But I think probably earning that along the way helped, because there's something to be said about something that's just kind of handed fame and somebody that earns it. But I appreciate the fact that you are grateful for for

all those different stages that you're grateful. You don't look back at the restaurant stuff and think I had a dance at the restaurant. You think that was a good time, thirty people in the audience. Whatever, I'm bragging right now, I'm not story. I wish more kids had the opportunities to do those things. You know, first of all, it's it builds humility work ethic. But like the humility of being in a nursing home because again, and shout outs to all the nursing homes, because they give a lot

of performers a stage and a chance. You know, I just need one more set of eyeballs and now I'm a performer, you know, I just need and and building that relationship and having you know, the sense of like, yo, I gotta really changed this person's life. Now that could be I could just bring him some joy for a day or for a week, or I can inspire, you know, it all varied. So I am so grateful for all those all those moments. Vals has been such a fun

time learning about you. We actually have some questions from listeners for you. Uh. So we're gonna take a quick break and we'll come back with with some questions for vow stick around. Uh. We're back with val uh and we're gonna get to some some listener questions. But man, I've been wondering about this because I know that you and Max are fiercely competitive, but I also know that

you are two men of high standard. And so to see your brother Umu and his wife raising their son, you know what I mean, just to watch him as a father, um uh and a husband. What is it like for you to see this guy that you've always looked up to in a way but always you know, I got you among your heels, um, what is it like to see him step into this new role? Um hm. I don't want to use cliche words like I want to give it a deeper I guess definition, but yeah,

I mean it's incredible. That's the word. Uh. And now what it is? What it is really like? Um, it's a it's an incredible accomplishment, Like it's pride. You know. I'm just proud of him, seeing him uh entering fatherhood and and I think that's you know, he's been kind of that for me throughout my life. Like you mentioned, I looked up to him, but also he you know, and I said this in my best man's speech at

his at his wedding. You know, it's um, it's hard to to understand our relationship, but you know, I've always enjoyed the wisdom of hindsight based on his you know, as he pulled those through life, you know, mistakes and uh, you know, this is one of those things. You know, he's the first to be to be a father, and I get to see him do amazing things and as as a father and also make certain mistakes and you know, yet again I get to benefit from from his rub drafts.

But it's been beautiful and I'm inspiring, motivating for me to to realize, like damn, that there's a whole different life after having a child, and I can't wait to to to enjoy that part of my life. So you've been married two years with Jenna? Now is that what it is? A year? Officially? We had anniversary in April, but yeah, okay, So how were are your thoughts on I personally have four kids. I just had my fifteen year anniversary. I could sell a couple of days ago,

but it defeated. Yeah. What you what you can't listeners can't see, is that you say that while you're holding your head. Kid's fifteen years. Yeah, it's been a journey, but it's it's awesome. I'll say that. Um so where are you? Where are you in thoughts with that? You're gonna have you thinking about kids? And I know people always say you've been married a year and they're like, when are the kids? And that's always frustrating, but just

you know, what do you think? Yeah, like yesterday, but you know we're in a right uh and are you making announcement? Are you making an announce No? No, no, no, no, no, no everywhere exactly, Well, they say, right, and maybe me sure you could attest to that, like there's never a perfect time to have a child, right, Yeah, it's never like a perfect plan. And both you know, my wife and I were like not control freaks, but we we

need a plan, we you know. So this time right now is like really squeezing my anxiety gland like to the max, you know. So I'm not really comfortable with uncertainty. So I'm trying to embrace that. But in terms of starting a family, we we want to do with asa. Yeah, we want to do it right now. The time is right. I cannot wait to be a father, she cannot wait to be a mother. We cannot wait to continue you know, build our family. Um, and don't let I don't let

my head holding discourage you. Right, being a father is for sure. I mean obviously have four. It's not like it's not something that that that that I didn't like. I love it. You know you have you don't have four kids by accident. So that's what I was about to say. You not. You talked about You talked about though, being two people who need a plan. As competitive dancers, as professional dancers, you you live for the routine and then you make it your own. Yeah. What is it

like when you see her dancing with other people? When she sees you dancing with other people, and you know, you gotta get sometimes you gotta get the chemistry going, you know what I mean? What is it like when you im mentioned it's like actors who watched their their their partners, Yeah, on screen, But what is it like for you? It again, you you evolved as a human and so your emotions to certain things and certain triggers, you know, they become a little bit more mature. Uh,

it wasn't good. Now it's better, you know, like you know, it's it's not a good feeling, you know, but but you look it's a great feeling to see your wife succeed and and be celebrated and all of that. You know, when she won with Adam Ripon, I was all day, all day, every day, right, Um. But but this, you know, I've never really shared this, but there was a performance she had on a different show, uh, and it went viral. It was it was like, so, I mean, there was

so much chemistry moved like one person. Oh, there was so much chemistry. And the dude was a man. You know, he was a man. Not not that Adam Ripon wasn't a man, but this dude was masculinity to the core. And she, you know, my wife is like one of the best, if not the best dancers in the world, and she was all a woman and together they created something.

I was like, that's fired. The world reacted, and uh, yeah, I felt some type of way, but I didn't let that jealous whatever, you know, in the sense that I you know, and it wasn't the physicality as much as like I want to be I want to I want to make my girl laugh the hardest, you know, I want to make her look the sexiest. I want to be the reason why she's you know, appealing to the world is one of the like I want to be

the the support system that makes her shine the brightest, right. Uh. And then at that moment, though, I was like, it's not about you and what you want, you know, it's about her and celebrating her. How did you and did you come to articulate that? Like did you did you did you come to her with the jealousy or did you come to her with the yeah you you you got that, you got that off, Yeah that you did that, you did that? No, first of all for its all celebration.

I mean I was so happy for her. Um then when the time was right, you know, like I said that that's the timing is very important, and being authentic and honest is really important. And like that was a vulnerable moment for dude, that had you know, I'm getting my shine too. That's the thing. It was, like, I guess I confronted my feeling with with this like sense of you're such a hypocrite, bro, you are literally you know.

For years, my thing was and I still preach it is that chemistry on the dance floor, you know, And it's it's you know, chemistry isn't just defined by sexual tension towards each other. It's that confaratie. It's that you know, like Pippen and Jordan had chemistry, you know, and if they didn't, I was just gonna sit. I was just gonna say you, you know, you in order to be a good team, you have to get along. You don't want a team, and Pippo and Jordan didn't get along,

then that team is not as good. So you can't be jealous that they have a friendship the same way you. Obviously you look at something, but I think it probably correct me if I'm wrong. It probably helps that you also are a dancer, so you understand that chemistry with a partner. Yes, yes, And that's why I had to confront my emotion and with with many different angles, and one of them was that you know, hypocrisy of like, well, you you build and you want that same support from

her in return, so why would you you know? And so and and then ultimately there was a conversation. I think that's the healing processes, like that conversation and me being vulnerable enough to like put my ego to the side of someone that I don't care and tell her like, yo, I care, you know, I saw you and I maybe maybe for the first time really saw you, you know, because of that su I mean this was a long long time ago. Um and uh, yeah, I don't know.

That was like so so it's a great question. Um and and it goes vice versa, you know, and we have to have you know, I think again, what you're afraid of? The things you don't know? Right as back to the current situation with Corona and the world, it's like uncertainties what trigger so much anxiety and stress and jealousy and this and that or whatever. The second you have dialogue and you you have some clarity, I mean, all of those things kind of subside a little bit.

And so that's what happened, you know, anytime those things flare up, which they do naturally because we're human, we're passionate. I think the quicker you, um, the quicker you attack that in a conversation and just say, hey, you know, this is how I feel. Uh And I'm like, you know, I hear you. How can I make you feel better? You know? How can we solve that without COMPROMI Rising necessarily a really great thing because at the end of

the day, we're performers. Were artists and you know, that's a relationship that we individually have built without you know that have nothing to do with it. So let's respect that relationship that we have. It's something that we invest

in our entire life doing. It's it's it's important though, I think also to note to write that that kind of conversation requires two people who are willing to be responsible, right, two people willing to show up to a conversation and being responsible and allowing someone to show up, maybe imperfectly, giving them the grace to show up in perfectly, just so they can communicate themselves and then work from that point to build even stronger, stronger, right, Yeah, I mean

communication is key, I think in every every aspect of life. Um. Then the other thing is again boom. Dancing has served me well because I was a teammate with a female since I was a kid. You know, like I said, I love sports. I didn't see Michael Jackson and was like, I want to dance. I saw Michael Joe. I told you I saw Michael Jordan wanted to play ball. Uh you know which is that he is in literally a bull's jersey. This is this is rob but he's got Rodman,

it's amazing, uh and and so. But but that camaraderie is what I love about ball in sports in general, is building a team with fellow humans and inspired that I'm I'm that dude. I'm on the court like, come on, man, let's go. You can you know take that? You know, I'm like the motivator, preaching type of dude on the court.

Super annoying. I try to balance that out. Uh. But when it comes to competitive ballroom dance, that that that was my approach, Like I was in competitive ballroom dance, which is very different than just approach dance as this art form. For me, it was a sport and winning a world title was was was an athletic feat, not an artistic accomplishment, you know. And it was an athletic feat that I accomplished with my female partner, with my

female teammate, you know. So I had to learn how to work and celebrate and get through the feet together with a young girl, a young female, a young woman, then a woman. You know. I stopped competing at twenty five when I joined Dancing with the Stars and and continue to compete with females but in a different format. But before that, it was you know, it was Pipping and Robin, I mean Tipping and rob. Uh. Yeah, the twoth comes out now we really yeah, yeah, okay, you're

not you're not a Jordan fan at all. Uh Last Dance the documentary was probably crazy, you know, one of the few things that had gifted us, gifted the world and I appreciate that. So Jordan's and and the thing is watching that documentary, um, you know, humanize them even

more of a word. But like it showed his flaws because we never had you know, there was no social media, so we didn't have access to such you know, his thought process of or you know, but the fact that he was a flawed man made now and all his comma even like being hundred even greater, absolutely because it's

not real. Yeah. Yeah. Should we get to some should we get some of the listener questions, some of the fan questions, you know, all right, so some listen you are sending some questions for you val We're gonna start with this one from Ape Fisher. What's the hardest part about being a male dancer? How do you deal with stereotypes? How do you deal with jealousy, how do you deal with boners? Etcetera. Oh God, that's uh, you broke the

ice to that last one. You said the hard I wonder if that was in the question or of Eastern just throw in the boner party. I mean, I've always wanted to know. Um, that's there's so many puns. I was gonna say, that's not the hardest part at all, but m mm hmmm, I mean there was there's like an evolution of it, you know. Yeah, it was hard in like middle school, high school. Um, I took about you know, I've earned those friends before I exposed that

I was a dancer. You know, I didn't champion like, hey, I'm a world champion dancer. I think that's why there was humility to that success as well, because I didn't really you know, I wasn't the starting quarterback of of you know, my high school football team where I really had all this social currency, like my success as a born dancer I enjoyed overseas like that's the thing, this

is huge in Europe. And even being he broke here, I still you know, I had the parents that that got some money for me to be able to fly out to Germany and competed a world title and there I was a rock star, was a superstar, you know. Um so, so it was good. It was a great balance. But yeah, high school, middle school, but you get picked on. Did you get picked on or bullied at all for for dancing? Yeah, yeah, of course. But I think but once you don't know about Val is that he's also

a scrapper. He's backing against the wall. Homeboy can hold his own, you know what I'm saying. Well, you know, as I said, you were probably so psyched when that whole dance battle thing came out and like fighting became like the dance off. That was like, so the thing is again that's that's a genre of dance. I wasn't a part of either. Like I wish I was a hip hop dancer growing up. I wish I loved the musical aspect that I was really kind of was great

at that. But if you could imagine a scene at the dance, you know, you had people moving and again in middle school, being parked up against the wall and just just being grinded like that. I don't know, I feel like we're relatively the same age, but like that was dance. Yeah, I just appreciated against the wall and for some force for you know, that was definitely an element of dance, right, sweating on the dance wool I tell you what, well, yes see, yeah, for some exactly.

And I was like, um, you know, without a partner, I'm like what do I do with my hands? You know? And so um, the coolest thing was being able to like take a girl even though she doesn't know how to dance, like dip her, turn her, you know, and then all of a sudden like damn, I want to learn how to do that. I don't care about you know, backflip or you know, learn how to break dance like that.

And that's why I didn't never understood the bullying, you know, because obviously my my sexuality was being bullied mostly right, It's like you're soft, you're this, you're that. Um, I'm like, how is this? How is this me embracing a female and and and you know, having posture and having like a beautiful relationship, and like how is that? It didn't

make it didn't make any sense. How that is less manly then, you know, snapping a leather ball out of another man's butt, you know, every every thirty seconds, and I don't want it to another in a jockstrap, Like I didn't understand that so anyway, but it's what you said before. It's it's the fear of not knowing stuff. It's the fear of not being able to do stuff. So it's the people that didn't have that. It's almost like a jealousy. So it's like I gotta pick on

that because I can't do it. And frankly, if you look at it, it is such a such a hot and romantic thing with a man and a woman when they're dancing like that. So to have a guy that can't do it, I mean I didn't. I certainly wasn't the type of guy that picked on anybody when I was like, I didn't follow you or anything like that, but I didn't know. I'm not. I wasn't a good dancer. Like I worked up all the effort to ask a girl to dance and then I realized that, shut, I

don't know, how what do we do next? Right? What happens now? Um? Yeah, it's uh. Dance had served me very well, Like I said, you know, life is in stages, and that's what I said. I posted a picture yesterday and Instagram with me like a fifteen with just fro and acne. And then it was like a side by side with me recently, and it's like if you're going through it, like like life, life gets better, you know, like your skin changes your your and same thing with

with the with your interests. You know, I'm really lucky that I had enough uh positive reinforcement in my home. You know, at those international competitions that I didn't really like, it didn't consume me. The bullying in in in the school. You know a lot of people like school is their life, their social circle there. Like I just went to school and I lived outside of it. You know, I didn't consume me. I had other after school activities that exposed

me to different worlds, uh, that embraced those differences. And then, like I said, I'm really grateful I didn't quit because now as an adult, I get to enjoy it's a skill set that's very specific and very unique and then really refined and like it serves me now. Those tools serve me in such a great way now, uh that I unfortunately wouldn't have had if I would have given up.

I love that. I love that what you just said about the support sism, I think so much comes from from the support of a strong family and from the home. And I was the last of five kids, and then as I mentioned, I had four kids, and I think my family is so close and I don't think I do. I don't think I do nearly as much as I've done or become who I am, or have the confidence that I have if not for the support from from

my parents, from my siblings, and from my family. And I think I think that's pretty cool that that you're

admitting that. I think it's very inspirational too, because I think a lot of people need to know, like with my kids, listen, it's not about them doing what you want them to do, and it's not about them, it's about you know, understanding, like if if one of my kids asked me to do something, to go play something, or it's not whether I want to do it or not, it's I want them to know that that's okay to do and then and to experience that with them. And

I think that's huge for kids nowadays. Yeah, it's uh, I was raised and again my my father still you look like my dad, no offense. I mean, wait, five minutes ago you said, well, my head is going back in my hand anyway, my uh, my dad again, he's he's a he's a man man, you know, uh, never dance, never this, never that. But yeah, he just raised us with the philosophy of like, it doesn't it doesn't matter what you do. Whatever you do, you gotta do it.

You gotta stride for greatness. You know, just as long as you try your best and stride for greatness and put in the work, you could be You know, if you're gonna take out the trash, you better be the best senor, you know, sanitary worker on the planet. Like, if you're gonna host the party, you better be the best host in the world. If you're gonna dance, you better you better dance. You know, you better put in the work. Come on, Martin Luther King, Come on, Martin

Luther Wait, but you didn't. I want to come back to one of the questions that was opposed by one of the listeners. You have had some of the most attractive partners. You dance in one of the most sensual positions and forms of dance that exists. What do you do when you're dancing? And it becomes all too real? He imagines Tom bergeron in his underwear. Guy, uh, have you been in that situation? I have never been in that situation. Wow, yeah, just you know, it's yeah, I

don't know, it's um. I mean maybe I have, I don't I don't recall. Maybe when I was like fifteen, I have a situation, but you can't control exactly as an adult. I have never had that situation. That is not a you know, it's not an issue for me at all, um because, like I said, the sexuality is

is is a byproduct of the commitment. You know, what makes me sexy, what makes my product appealing, what makes that chemistry is this undivided focus and um and commitment to this other person, to their physicality, to their essence, to their everything. It isn't like, you know, it's not like we come into all man and I'm like looking at her as the sexual thing. No, it's I'm looking you know, I'm looking at her as an incredible athlete, woman, artists, and I am just grateful to be able to enjoy

movement with this person. I'm not looking. It doesn't matter who you are. Even when I dance with my wife, yes, I have uh, you know, love for her and an intimacy for her in our performances. But like I said, it's not a you know, sensuality is very different from sexuality, right, So I'm not like, oh man, I got hard just thinking. No, it's like it's just that's not where, That's not the wavelength that I you know, that that that ad oppers rate song at all. Right, Hey, we have time for

let's do one more email. This is someone looking for some advice from you guys. Uh. This is from Annie. She says. My husband and I have been together for almost twenty three years. Connection and sex were okay up until the end of last year. I felt depressed, stressed, and unappreciated. We were both unhappy with our relationship, with no love or appreciation for one another, so we decided to have weekly discussions to check in with each other. It was good for about a week until I discovered

he was flirting with a coworker via text. I confronted him and he admitted to it, and he assured me it was done. So we moved on. But things still feel the same. Why is he being stagnant? How can I help him with this transition period without driving him away? Damn? And that was pre quarantine, right, I mean, I want to tread tread advice carefully. Yeah, I'll follow you lead on that. I mean, I think that the thing is, it's I I question they're having their weekly conversations, but

I wonder what what they're talking about. I think obviously communication is huge in a relationship, and I think it's nice that they're checking in with each other. But they called it a check in, and so that to me means I don't know if they're if they're talking about their feelings or if they're just say, hey, are you okay?

Are you? I think it comes down to what they're what they're talking about, like when you go to a therapist, and sometimes you know what, there's nothing wrong with therapy, so maybe they need somebody to help moderate that conversation, you know. So uh, maybe it's maybe it's a matter of what they're talking about. And because we can have check in with somebody and it's very if it's very surface level, then you're not getting to what you're actually feeling.

So I think part of that is probably what their communication. Yeah right, but us us like, so you step up the communication. It sounds like they from from based on the the just a note, you know, um, trying not to make too many assumptions about where relationship is or what's happening or not happening there, but right, so you step up the communication, Like you said, the communication is

about like checking in, like what's not right? Perhaps is the is the assumption is like, let's talk about what's not right in our relationship without the focus on what still does work right? And it doesn't have to be necessarily the sexual part of their relationship or you know, but maybe their partnership and living together. What parts of that do work? Um? How are we amping that up?

How are we highlighting that? Um? And then also like instead of her, it seems to me she's focusing a lot on how to fix him, how to make him better, how to get him to a place where he feels better. There's two people in a relationship. And if we are are unhappy, you are, I think you at some point you also have to look at like why am I unhappy? Or am I unhappy? Um? And is am I bringing my best self to our relationship? Before the check in?

That's true and it's you have to be you have to be happy in order and be, like you said, be your best self in order for you know, you can't just be like, I gotta fix this person. And if it's not working, if if that's not making you happy, if you're not in a good place, then that you're

never gonna get to that place where you're genuinely yeah. Yeah, it's most of the issues them from my I mean, I'm just gonna speak on my own behalf, like from my own insecurities, you know, And I'm like, thanks that in me somehow help you know there, yeah, you out there or you might you know, my wife, fix me please, because I'm not happy with myself. Uh, when I'm when when I'm happy with myself, I cannot wait to love the world like I will love my wife, I would

love my friends, I would love you know. I'm just glowing because I'm you know, I'm I'm fulfilled, I'm satisfied, and I'm loving myself in a way right now. Let me ask you this about is there ever a time in dancing where you're working with your partner, you're rehearsing and you're just not getting It's just you're just not getting something down correctly. Is there ever a time where it's like okay, rather than keep repeating it and trying

to get that moved down. Do you ever step back and take a different approach, maybe talk about something else, take your mind off. And so it's not it's not different than a relationship. When something is not working, don't just keep jamming at the problem and like we gotta fix this, we gotta fix this. You step back and sometimes let all the others. Maybe there's another stress that's stopping you from from doing this. So I think in a relationship is the same thing. Stop focusing on the well,

we're not having sex. We're not having sex, but maybe there's a reason. Maybe, as you said, Scott, maybe I'm unhappy and maybe if we can kind of talk through and work other things, then all this other stuff will fall into place. It's not always the obvious thing. It's it's not always the glaring problem that's the real issue.

And as like the single dude here right, um uh, having some real reservations about getting into a relationship until I feel whole myself, right like, until I feel like I am holy and completely myself as much as I can get myself to be before stepping into a relationship with someone expecting them to complete me, expecting them to

finish me, expecting them to make me better. I think one of them the things I try to focus on in a relationship or when I'm entering a relationship is what can I offer right, not like what can you do for me? Right? And I've noticed that even in interviews, even in friendships and relationships, I've noticed that if you can take the approach of how can I be of service? How can I how can I what do I bring to this table um can sometimes shift the energy enough,

like you said, to kind of shake some other things free. Right. I agree for a hundred said, but I want to go back to something you said. You said you gotta find as a single person, I gotta get myself in the in the best possible place to then get in

a relationship. And I don't think that's a hundred percent true, never as funny as soon as it's the same thing as we were talking about having kids, like you're never going to be in a hundred not everything is going to come together and be like, oh, I'm a hundred percent ready to have kids. I'm a hundred percent ready to be because that relationship is going to as you said, you give something and they give something and may complete you. That relationship is going to continue your growth as to

who you are. You're never it's not like you're like you're buying a house and you're like, I'm financially I'm set and now i can have a house and i can live in. That's not what a relationship is, and that's not what having kids is. So you're never going to be ready because that because you can't be a hundred percent ready for whoever somebody is that you don't know, because that's about the messagement you, guys. And as far as a kid, you're never You're never gonna be like

a hundred percent. Like I'll say this, when we had our first child, my daughter, she was she it was almost as if she knew that we were first time parents, and she really helped us. She really helped us ease into the whole thing because we we were never going to be fully prepared. It doesn't matter how many nieces and nephews you have, You're never fully prepared until you have that kid. And so to to Scott's point, what I'm saying to that is the same thing with a relationship.

You will never be like, Okay, now I'm ready for a relationship. You will never be ready for that, for that relationship until you're in it. True. Well, it's also being open to use the word mesh like and I am. You know, It's it's like dogs, you know, they start looking like the owner after a while. Your your reflection of the first of all the people that you can surround yourself with, and also obviously your partner because as the person you you spend the most time with your

your your wife, your significant other. Uh. And so yeah, I mean you have to there are things that I love myself that I don't want to compromise. But at the same time, like I am open to to to you know, I'm elastic to changing with this person. I want to you know, the reason why I love her is because that somebody I don't mind remixing my personality with, you know, like her and I are shaping each other together. Uh. And again, maybe you know, I'm also evolving. I don't

I don't know everything. Um. And I find myself now actually starting to draw some boundaries and and and we're having that conversation of like, you know, like this is the part of me that I don't want to you know, compromise or just like this is something that I would love for you to just understand and accept and same thing you know about her. But for the most part,

that common ground it's it's always evolving. It's I do want to clarify because when I don't necessarily mean UM, but I also feel like the advice, the wisdom in both of your reactions to that is UM super worthwhile, right, Like there's value and understanding that UM, being open to life as it unfolds to you and growing with a person because that's the point of the relationship, right, that's the point of UM. Advancing through life with a partner

is to become better together. Right, I'm just saying, and I understand that. I'm just saying. I feel like in so many instances my peers, people feel like, by this age,

I gotta do this thing. So they enter these relate into relationships with milestones as opposed to UM, um who they really are, right and so and so they enter relationships with people who are undeveloped as they are undeveloped and have no capability of like building anything together, and so they just argue and they just fight and then

they break up. Right. So, just trying to develop myself in the best way, Um, I know how so that when my partner does show up in my life and I do feel like you do know in a lot of ways, in a lot of instances, you do know this is I think this is gonna be my person, And I think, yeah, I think that's true. And I and I agree with that. There's no there's no those

age guidelines. I should be buried by this time, I should be in a relationship, I should have kids, But none of that matters because there's no everybody's different and every chemistry in a relationship is different. Everyone's life is different, andyone's background is different. So it depends on when it's right for you, and when it's right, it happens. And like you said, then you you kind of know, you know, hey, this is the person I want to be with. Hey, this is I want to be a dad, you know,

and that type of stuff just clicks. But to make decisions based on ages so are very it's just yeah. And then also like uh, just expectation wise, like it's not Kumbaya forever after like that you're gonna have chemistry and fall in love and then let's it. That's the right person. Even with the right person there will be uncertain times and some times of you know, going back and forth, and it's not gonna be perfect. It's just a matter of finding somebody you're willing to work with

and and and build with. When did you know that Jenna, for you vow was the one that you wanted that When did she show up in your life? And you were like, yep, uh, probably as she said, not when how how did she show up in your life? Like, well, she showed up in my life. I had sexual chemistry with her, you know, the physical chemistry. Uh. Then we worked a lot together. You know, she before becoming a

pro on the show. She she assisted me on almost all the choreography that I've done on that show when she joined the show. So and in that process. Again, maybe it's because my relationship with dance, Maybe it was relationship with how important that situation was her being a companion for me and a support system and my partner beyond again our intimacy, uh man, My gratitude for her was huge, right, So I was like so grateful to her and how unconditionally she she was willing to help

me anytime. Um, but I had no real Again, it's it's kind of it will kind of prove your point a little bit. I decided when I decided for myself, like I wanted to do this. This feels like it's something that I wanna, you know, I want to build.

I want to plan some seeds with someone, you know, I want to I want to build something in, something relevant, something that would be here for a long time, rather than just you know, jumping around and like again, that was a big thing for me because I a lot of my a lot of my confidence came from the discovery of, you know, of other females. Like this doesn't mean that I was sleeping around all the time. It

wasn't even about sex. It was really about conversation and discovery and that whole curiosity um a lot of my you know, it's it's maybe I wouldn't say I would go as far as I had an issue, but like a lot of a lot of my insecurities were healed or that it was like a little band aid placed on some sort of insecurity that I would have with that that those relationships, and after a while I was like, this is just a this isn't sustainable and this isn't something that I want to live with like, what am

I waiting for. I have someone in front of me that's you know, that that I truly love and that I see an incredible heart in and and just you know her values are similar and aligned with me. You know that I feel like this. You're not gonna You're not gonna find somebody that's perfectly compatible. But like, as long as you have like a core belief system that is somehow in aligned, then everything else can be you know, can be adjusted and it's and it's right, and it's

it's what you said. You're like, oh, I was jumping around, it's not And then I thought, oh, this is it started to click in your head. This is kind of what I want to do now. I think I'm ready for a relationship because you met the person that all of a sudden you realize that this is, this is

I want to explore more. This is bringing out something more, because if you were with the wrong person, it doesn't matter what age you were, you weren't Like this is why I think I'm ready for this now, This this feels right because it wouldn't do right. Maybe you'd make a decision and you haven't obviously in the past. Maybe you'd make a decision and say, oh this, I should do this, but you would know that it's not right

and we gotta wrap in a second. But I want to say back to that other email, um, and because we're talking relationships and stuff, UM. Recently, like you know, fifteen years of marriage, four kids doesn't come It's not like every day is awesome and every days you know,

there's no arguments. But I'll say recently, my wife and I were on a zoom call the school, like all like hundreds of parents were on this thing and we're watching it, and the chat was coming up and some parents were asking some ridiculous questions and stuff, and I just kind of muted it. We were on mute anyway, and I turned and my wife and I started laughing.

We started kind of joking about some of the comments that were coming up and stuff, and we just sat and we started laughing, and it was like it was almost like we were on our first date again. It's like all the stress, and that's what I was saying about, sometimes you gotta step away all the stress of having four kids and and both of us working and being home and quarantine and all this stuff. All that for like for five minutes, all that disappeared, and then it

was like it was just this great moment. And so I think sometimes in a relationship where one that one email twenty three years in all of a sudden, sometimes it's just about stepping back and finding finding that thing again. So it's like everything. It's like it's like everything in life. You know, the more time you commit to it, the more effort, the more pride you will have in it. And I think that was a moment I was like, I'm not proud of any of this, you know, like

none of none of this. Well, that's a that's a word, that's a whole I'm not that's a whole word. Like I'm sorry, Like I'm not proud of none of this. I want to build something I'm proud of. Yeah, and then that's it. Then, Jenna, exactly, and I'm so proud of That's again, it's not it's not easy. I think people should stop looking for shortcuts, you know, like embrace that it's tough, and embrace the fact that there's gonna be more, you know, peaks and valleys, so to speak

right and of and and seek help as well. And guys like I am very open to therapy. I we we haven't had any yet, uh, but um, you know, if we ever get to that point, I'm very open to to therapy and help because again, I'm very proud of us, and I want us to continue to build something that you know, with time, I could look back

and be proud of. I feel like I feel like the three hopefully for the listeners too, I like the three of us have really helped each other, and I, for one, I look forward to hearing about Scott's relationship and I look forward to vow. When you guys announced that you're having away and you're naming him Demitri after me, this is really bad. This is really really nice scene right now. By the way, I don't know if you're still struggling with that, but Dmitri is a dope name.

I love it. I love it. Yeah, yeah, demon, you know it's short demon in Russian. I don't know if you have that same And yeah, I don't get. I don't get. I have friends that had that a game. But so when you were telling all that story, like I grew up in New York parents Greek, and but I was just in the other I was in a story. So we weren't I was about But before before we go anything, you want to tell everybody the listeners have any plugs, anything they want to, you know, where they

can find you. You're certainly you know, you have an inspirational story, and I think people might be interested in reaching out and hearing more. You have a Instagram or anything like that you want people to check out? Yeah, I have an Instagram Valentine at Valentine, no e, just Valentine. Um, yeah, I again, I you know, I have a lot of things to plug. I don't. I don't really, you know, just go on my account you'll see stuff that I plugged.

But I'm very grateful to to to have the attention and the platform, and I just try to be as productive with it as possible. You know, Fame without a causes is a nuisance, you know to me? So um, you know, I just I want to I want to be able to serve the world as much as I can with this megaphone that I have at the moment. You know, I don't know how much longer I'll have it, So that's it. I think you'll have it for a while. Family without causes a nuisance. I love that. That's fantastic. Hey,

are you gonna be in the fall? Dancing was starting with the stars? Masks are no mask was the deal. I don't know those those details yet, those safety precautions, I don't know yet. Who knows tomorrow they'll come out with an article that masks are actually bad for you. So that's true hanging in as long as you don't, as long as you don't go to the seventh grade, six ft apart dance room. For Jesus, even the spirit wear your masks, Guys, I don't. I don't want to.

I don't. I don't want to spread any misinformation. I'm excited for the full I think the world needs a little dancing with the stars, you know. And I I'm excited for the cast. I'm excited for again. I just miss dance. I miss It's such a big part of my life that uh, you know, it gave you so much purpose and so much joy, and you know, also it's kind of nurturing a little injury, and I'm not as active, and so yeah, it would be a lot,

you know. Back to that other conversation we had, Scott, It's it's not a pillar that you should lean on, but it would be a lot harder without Jenna, without my wife being here with me. And so it's special shout out to people that are quarantine and in isolation alone and and don't have people. So that's another place where my platform, uh, you know, I want to capitalize on being a place where you could be part of a community that you know, so you feel less alone.

I try to check in with people all the time and again spread the good fortune that I'm I'm lucky enough to have the only thing I don't want you to think about, um after this conversation while you're dancing or dancing with the stars, don't think, by any means because of this conversation that people are gonna be looking to see if you get a bone or at any point they say the demetri What you don't know is that their entire websites dedicated to the possibility and the

judgment of But it's like it's incredible. But that's what happens when you when you win the mirror ball more than once, you know what I mean. It comes with

the territory. Scott, anything you'd like to say before we sign off, Well, I think first I just want to thank you Dmitri and Um Brooks and the entire team here for creating this space where people can come or they can show up right um and offer a bit of themselves and the hopes that it blesses some listeners life um, but also that the conversations themselves can bless

the participants of the conversation. UM. It's a really every time I've i've I've seen this thing, I've heard this thing, or been a part of this thing, it has been UM affirming in a way of whether I learned something new or I'm triggered and I gotta like check myself, or um, I am able to help a friend through something that they're dealing with, you know, as a result of listening to some of the wisdom that's that's shared here. And so I'm just I'm thankful that for men in particular,

this space exists where real, um, beneficial conversation can be shared. UM, that is beyond some of the surface stuff we find ourselves in so often because we're sometimes more comfortable there. So I just want to say thank you. UM. I am Scott Evans on everything. So if you ever want to check you out any of the stuff that I'm on Uh, don't hesitate. And you know, while you're waiting on Dance with the Stars to return, there is a dance show on NBC right now ten pm. It's called

World to check it out. Um, but you know Shame's plug and every night on Access Hollywood. So but but in reality and in all seriousness, I value the way value show up to your life. I appreciate the way that you own not just your victories, um, but your mistakes and how they don't how neither one of those things, in particular or singularly, um, uh, determine what your value is, right, It's the accumulation of all of them. I'm more proud of my mistakes than than even some of my victories,

like like, like what I said about Jordan's and last dance. Again, I'm not referencing basketball and time, but like, um, it makes me more human, which makes all the pluses that much more of an accomplishment. So I'm just as proud

of the mistakes that I made. I genuinely mean that, um, as much as I you know the times that I've lost as much as I I have one so equally, but thank you, And I second with what you said about the space it's it's dope to you know, to be in an environment that isn't preaching but just sharing. You learn a lot more from I mean, I think people are much more receptive in that in that sphere.

That's very nice that it's very kind of both you and you know, a lot of people say it's nice that we have this thing, but you know what, we learn a lot as we're doing these two and they're inspirational for us. And and you know, no one knows everything, so it's nice. It's nice to have us for guys to sit down and and put down the guards and you know, and have real conversation. So I'm glad that we're able to do it as well. And I thank you both for joining us. And this has been another

episode of how men Think. I think Brooks will probably say love one another, hug one another or something like that. I forget, forget it his favorite tagus. But thanks for joining us, and we'll see you next time.