That's What He Said Part 3 with Ben Higgins

system before we started. I mean, you're only thirty years old. I'm six years older than you. But yeah, that was Amy, that was producer. Amy called you the old pro. And I just think experience would have been a better word there. Yeah, you know what, I'm pumped to be here because I have a feeling that your podcast is going to talk about things that is gonna make me feel all sorts of awkward, which I'm excited about. That's what we try and do. That's why we love having Gavin on here.

He'll make it awkward. But we're live NAPPA for Live in the Vineyard Music Festival. You've been here before, right, Yeah, I have it. I was here in May. I've never been to Nappa before the event in May, and I'll be like, in all transparency, I came here not knowing what to expect and not being super excited for because there's just a lot going on at the time. And I left here going this is one of the coolest

things I've ever done in my life. It is. Uh. There's the word I explained it to to my family was it's a It's like a magical evening where it's super intimate with some of the biggest stars in the industry and they're singing in this room, and there's wine flowing and there's people dancing. It's just, yeah, there's nothing short of magic that's going on here. There's average my fellow Canadian Avril Levine. I hope we get to watch her,

Kelsey Ballerini, Marion Morris, Adam Lambert. I'm kind of upset that Gavin Degara is and on this list. Uh, my buddy Natasha betting Field is going to be here tomorrow. Is a lot of great artists here that we can't wait to watch. Uh. I want to thank the new dating app scene Dating and Joan Kendall, who are gonna be on the show later for putting us here, because the next generation dating app that offers complete transparency to men and women looking for the perfect match. You've tried

other dating apps to try this one scene dating. Transparent dating means a new, innovative and honest approach to dating, which allows singles an opportunity to match on human connections and chemistry. Let yourself be seen and enjoy the safest, most positive, and respectful dating environment ever created. So we'll get into that later. We're gonna dig into some questions uh that listeners have. I also want to bring in my dude, Dmitri, who's rocking the nicest flannel shirt I've

ever seen. What makes it the nicest? I know, but it's dandy. I will take any compliment I can take from you. You're welcome, by the way, while we're adition out compliments here. Is it just me? Or is Ben's voice like a gift from justice? It's just me? You know what it was like when the I thought he was introducing it sounded like Zeus was booming down from the heavens. Yeah, awkward. I actually want to take this

second though, Dmitri. If you remember right, if I'm an old pro at the podcast space then two years ago and when the almost famous podcast started with I Heeart Radio, everybody thought I was super funny. And it wasn't because of myself. It was because Dmitri actually was working on that podcast from day one. That's that Dmitri writing jokes. And so now I get to sit down with him, like kind of the world comes back around. I get to sit down across from you and laugh once again

at you with that. That's what That's what we told you. It was that I was ready. I had want a contest, just to come and sit in the stage, and that's what happened. We also are in the backyard of our good friend Rick. What's this is your here? He walks into the Carnaros resort here, but it's like, hey, Rick, what's up man? You're the mayor of this place, buddy. But picked us up at the airport. Your car was nice and cleaned. I got a clean before he had

waters for us. Like I told Dmitri. When we landed, I was like, Rick, better have that limo pulled up. All I did was take the uber signed out there. The only way that happens if you're a Dad Rick is the Dad Ricks, the fantastic Dad Brooks sit in a car seat, but I just sit in the back and the car seat just buckled right up as one of the ones that come over the shoulder too. Yeah, but we're gonna get into this is one of my favorite shows that we do. And Ben I want I'm

anxious to hear you chime in on this too. We're gonna do. That's what he said. Number three. So in our show band listeners listen, they send us questions. You can send us your questions at men at i heeart radio dot com and they'll email us our questions and these questions are all over the map. We also have a new phone number that you can call. I don't have a memorize, but we'll get it to you. So

these questions are from our how men think listeners. They write in and they want to get a man's perspective on what we think on this topic. So okay, yeah, so I'm gonna I'm gonna put you on the question. I'm gonna put you on a hot seat with the very first one. This is from Christina Mazarole. She says, my question is about children. What would you do if you found out the perfect woman is exactly what you want but did not want to have children. What would you do so you find the love of your life

but she doesn't want it. This is assuming. That's a hard question. It's a super hard question. But here's I mean, I think you have to weigh that. It's actually it's you just to go about logically. You have to weigh how important children are for me for you? So like, if children are super important to me and the partner that I'm entering into life it doesn't want children, I don't think it's gonna work because there's always gonna be

a seed of resentment. And I think you have to weigh if the relationship with this woman is more important to you than the than your opportunity to have kids. One day, if those are reversed and the kids are more important, you can't be with this person, no matter how perfect they seem at the time. Who So you can make that decision and I think gonna too. Yeah, that's the thing. It says you found the perfect woman if you want to have kids and she doesn't, is

she the perfect woman for you? Know? And by the way, point as far as resentment, if there's a woman that settles down with you and doesn't want to have little bends, I will resent her because the world needs more you. There, he goes, yeah, you're gonna be I gotta agree. I mean, man, that's a sticky one. Like that's a because it's hard to find a good match, and especially like like your soul what if this is your soul mate, Like this is your undeniably, this is your person. And then she

says she doesn't want to have children. I think you got to look at what I would do if this were me. I would go and look at my purpose of this relationship. So in my relationship, I want to enter my relationship to be a husband but also a father. That's why I entered my relationship. Those were my two Like I want to be a father. But if my wife or this person didn't want to have kids, man, I think that's I think it's too important to me.

I think I want to have kids in my life and I want to see a reflection of this person in that kid and myself and that kid like and I think that's the important thing is is the wording is the perfect woman? I don't know if that's if she doesn't want to have kids, then I don't I wouldn't find her perfect if you want to have kids. By the way, there's a pitfall here too, because a

lot of people correct me if I'm wrong. I think you can go in a relationship, Oh she doesn't want to have kids, I'm gonna change her, or I'm gonna change him. And you get in there and they don't change, and then you're you're in this marriage and you're like, I told you I didn't want to have kids, and that other person thought, I'm gonna change you, and then it's just then you've just spent all these years thinking you're changing things up. So I have a friend, a

good body of mine was in a committed relationship. Loved this woman, and I've talked to him since. Loved this woman. She did not want to have kids, and he ended it because in his life he wanted to have kids. And he's like, I love her, I want to have kids with her. I don't want to have kids with somebody else, because he can't see that right now. But he was like, she was adamant that she's not having kids, and so I had to make a decision because I

think it is. Actually, I think Rick and Dmitriy have sung this up really well with a lot of wisdom. I don't think it's that hard if she doesn't want to have kids, like a compliments, They've made it. They've made it easy to understand. If you want to have kids and she doesn't, she's no longer the perfect woman for you. So I mean I think it's that easy. Yeah, Okay, Moving on to the next one from Janna. I was introduced to a guy through friends. He hasn't committed to

a relationship, and I'm not good at being casual. I know that I want to get married and have kids, so I don't know, so I don't want to waste my time. I told him I deserved to be a priority to someone, and I don't feel like I am. He says, I think we should just be friends for right now? What the hell does that mean? And why take me to your parents house? Oh? And we went on a birthday dinner for me with my parents and brother? Why go do that? Did I just scare him about

the future? I just know what to make about getting friends zoned after four months? This sounds complicated, It sounds complicated. But let's go back to that one thing. I think we should just be friends for now. What the hell does that mean? It means we should just be friends. That's the point of this show. Was he keep it simple stupid? Yeah, kiss keep it simple stupid? Yeah. I mean I think she's I mean, she's looking at twelve different layers here, where one's very simple. He's like, well,

I'm just not there yet. Maybe we've had some good times. But like he's honest, He's he's straightforward with her. I think we should just be friends for now. But on the flip side of that, I mean, like, why is he taking her his parents house? Why why are they going to family dinners? You know they're friends, she said, I think, Well, he's like, I think we should just

be friends for now. Obviously looks at like a like a friend, but we also know at the time of this, like did did they go to the dinner before that? And then she asked this question. He's like, hey, we went to my parents house, and I realized I don't want you coming to my parents house for the rest of my life. Maybe that happened. He's like, we should just be friends. We don't know the timing of all this, man,

what do you think? You know? As as I've gotten older, my my like gal pals have decreased, like you know, and might have increased. I don't have as many like close girl friends that are just friends as I used to. I think for for some reasons, because when there's like chemistry as friendships, it's hard to the end this. I like to not feel some type of romantic connection. At

least it was for me, so it's healthy. Also, but I have buddies who would have zero idea that a girl like is actually into him, like she can see that. I wonder if Jane is into this guy and he has no clue and he thinks they're just hanging out as friends and it's cool for both of them to just be friends and he has zero idea that she has any romantic like chemistry. But but the thing is, she says I deserve to be a priority, and I don't feel like I am. He said we should just

be friends. He knows he just doesn't want it. What and also what's wrong with like, um, what's on with bringing a friend to that kind of thing? Since mixed signals I don't want to go to like random friends parents house just to kick it. That's a girl like that feels weird, I know. But he also was very straightforward. I think we should be friends for for right now. I also wanted to welcome somebody that's going to give

us the other side of female insight to this. Our good friend Katie Mo is here, and she's just she's just jumping at this one. She's just like, no, you guys are all wrong. Katie Mo, what's up? How do you look at this question from Joanna? Well, hey, guys, um, so I'm looking at this question, and you're right, there's so many layers to it. Ultimately, she she was flat out wanting to be a priority in his life and he's saying you're not. You know, He's saying, I want

to be friends. And I've I've had guy friends. I've always been a guy's girl for the most part. So I've been to my guy friends houses when I was in high school. Don't know, I don't know the age of this person, but when I was in high school, I've been to, you know, a Thanksgiving celebration, like an early Thanksgiving with a guy friend or something, and it was just friends. Um, I think they're just on two different pages, and it's a communication thing on And also

have they hooked up? I want to know the details of this, because if they haven't hooked up, they definitely are just friends. But if they have, it complicates it more. That's a great point. And yes, but here, here's here's the thing, she says, I I told him I deserve to be a priority. Percent you deserve to be a priority. And if you're not with him, then he's not the one. So you'll find the person that you'll be the priority with. The part that scares me that I feel badly for hers.

Did I just scare him about the future? She's already blaming herself. She's like, did I mess this up? That I were he and I gonna be a thing? And then I asked about it and then he decided just to be friends. It's that's not the case. If he wants to be friends, he's gonna say let's be friends. If he wants to be more, he's going to say that. But don't go into did I just throw this whole

perfect thing off track because I asked about us? There's nothing wrong with asking about where you stand, right, That's just good communication skills. And honestly, if he's not going to prioritize her as more than a friend, she should either be accepting of just being friends or move on. Very well said We're gonna move on to the next question. Very well, said Katie Mo. That's why we have you on here, girl, And you have the best boots in the entire nap You remember when Ben said comfortable and

if you guys just boarding socks at least? Um. Next question is from Mary Beth. Thank you Mary Beth for this question. Question to the married guys, sleep over here with you? To question to the married guys, good thing the winds blowing? Um, here we go. You guys all sound so in touch with your families. You work hard, you cook, you clean, you're close with your kids. Um, what do you and your spouse it about? So if life is good, right, it's good life. You have a

good marriage, good relationship. What do you fight about? I'll well, you know, we we fight about finances. I live a little more free, like, oh, don't worry about what we want this, let's do this, you know, we let's do this and things will work itself out. And my wife is a little a lot more business oriented. She went to businesschool, and she's like, well, and she like will make a spreadsheet and she'll figure stuff out and be like, well, we can do this, but in three years it could

be this, And I'm like, let's just live. Like so we it's not that they're knocked down drag out fights, but we we argue about money and and and and how we're spending it. I argue about like, uh, I mean, we we clean up after each other in the house, but like clutter in the sense of there's like little we have obviously with the kids around, there's like key

chains and backpacks and whatever. And it's like, say something, I'll put the shoes or the backpacks on the stairs and it's like you take it back, take it up when you go upstairs right or where you go put it away. Well, it's like you'll walk by it like four times without just like dealing with it. So like my my argument to her what we kind of argue about, which isn't the end of the world, but it's like, hey, why don't you just take that up? Why can't you

just put their clothes way? Why can't you just put their backpack in the garage while you're going down to the garage anyway or or whatever that may be. You know, it's like, so those are the things that we sort of fight about. Obviously you don't want a more serious note with Dmitri is is finances. And but I can get on board with that clutter too. We we have the same thing, and it's like it joins me because

kids leave stuff. But the problem is so every once in a while, uh, and I'm gonna get killed for saying this, but every like you won't Okay, great protection, I didn't have to thank Sometimes my wife will leave stuff and it's just like, like, nothing drives me more, nothing like eating an opening up like a lifesaver or whatever and leaving the rapper there. It's like, just throw it right there, Just get up and throw it out.

You don't have to worry about it later. And so the kids, so she's she's not like the kids just leave stuff, but she every once in a while we'll do stuff and I feel bad. But sometimes they'll be like, hey, which one of you is this? And the kids will all be like no, and I'll be like and she'll know. Then she's like, oh yeah, so it's kind of like me. It's like you're taking care of three kids or five kids in your case, and mine with my wife, mine

is about time. So I'm sure it's about like my wife works very hard, and I admire her for a work ethic, but sometimes it's too much, and I'm like, I want to spend time with you, like my tank is low. I want to see you like I know you want to do this and that and that, but like you could have done that work earlier in the day, or like I don't know, just too many things like learn having her say no to some things. I try and complete my day by five o'clock. So at five

o'clock I'm off and I'm on family time. That's her dog. That's like time with her or friends, Like I'm not emailing, I'm not doing anything after five o'clock. Um, and she will push past that, well past that. And so time is the one that I kind of argu and I think the other thing when once you have kids, Brooks is having those kids, and how are you dealing with

those kids? Like my son is you know, he's falling back in a little bit of a couple of his courses at school, and so we're like, okay, so what's the what's the strategy here, So it's getting on the same page with your wife. What's the strategy. Do we take away his phone? Do we make him come home after school and then work on a school until he's done with that and then let him go out with

his friends or whatever. And so like the other day class example, we kind of hammer down on him and was like, Okay, come home at four thirty, you're gonna give us your phone, any devices. You're gonna work until six, we're gonna eat dinner, and then at eight thirty, you

can check your phone for half an hour. We'll like it just happened to be that day where I came home and we didn't have anything to do and he had no homework, and so she was like, well, just you can be on your phone until five thirty, you know, And it was like we immediately broke the rule, like what we put in place, and so it's like, you need to be on the same page, and that's what

we fight over. I'm like, well, why are we breaking the rule if you're you know, why have the rules if you're going to break him on the very first day or the second day. It's just so those are those are things with kids, it becomes complex. So I want to go one step further here though, for my own interests. So if you see these things that are like annoyances to you or they kind of get into your skin, how then in a marriage or any relationship, do you bring them up? Is there an appropriate way?

Do you just let them go? Do you let do you get you kind of build a callous yourself say you know what, I'm just let this go? Or do you how do you approach it? You one? You pick your battles, So is it worth fighting with for that one right there? You know, and the kids are home, and is it worth it? Or do you let it kind of go and say, okay, let's see what happens tomorrow. That's that's what I do. It's kind of pick your battle. How important is that topic or that battle for you

right now? Us the way? So that's that's a dance, man, And you're dating, I met your wonderful girlfriend. Um, that's a dance that you just kind of learn over time.

You learn the the give and take of that. Um, it's communication and and my wife kind of it's not system, but my wife and I have found a couple tools almost to navigate that kind of a water because and we'll lead with this, this is uh, we lead with this sometimes when we're about to say something to the other person that might be jarring to them, I'll just say, like softly of like same team, Like we're on the same team. I'm on your team. I'll just say same team.

But this is happening and it's making me feel this. And so whenever we say that's kind of a code word for us, same team means you're just laughing, like this is crazy, Like it's easy. It works for us, it's like And also we almost challenge each other. We challenge each other and almost compete with each other in our relationship to see who can listen and understand. I have a friend that challenge him and his wife challenge each other to see who could be the first to apologize.

It's putting the other person ahead of your You two are looking this is this is a beautiful I don't have kids. I don't have kids, so I think parenting is a different kind that's prob something between two adults

where it's your actions are my actions? Were growing up enough and love each other enough that we can listen and it's not like shoving it any I just think this is so like if I was in a if I was in a therapy session and somebody said to me, listen, when you guys are getting heated and you're getting at each other, say same team, I would be like, Okay, I want my money back. That's because that's not a feasible way to live. Like I just I think it

works completely. I think it's amazing if you can do it, But me personally, I can't see like I can't see that as something that me personally could do it. See

to me, it sounds very very tailish. I disagree, man, It's like it's it's you're on the same too, Like you and your wife, no matter what you're on you might not be on this agree on something, but you're on the same team that But what if what if like something that you're gonna share is gonna be really jarring, really jarring, Like if it's something like hey, love, can you clean this up? Or like our Brooks, you left the toothpaste, I would something that's not that's you don't

need that, but something like jarring. How are you gonna you text her and say we need to talk? You text, you text, or you can end a text, or you can just texted the whole thing out. I say, say to send an email and make the subject same team and then get in. No, I will say I think the same team. Is it? Is it? I get it. It's a good strategy and it probably works for you. But I mean, being married for fifteen years, it's just at the end of that, as you go, it doesn't

work out that way. I'm calling yeah, but you can't say fifteen years. That just doesn't work like that. But fifteen years, okay, take me fourteen years, four kids. I know we're gonna get to the end of this argument whatever we're arguing about, but there's no way I can kick it into low gear at the beginning of an argument and be like, okay, honey, listen, same team. I'm gonna rush to see that I can apologize before you. That's that sounds like tips I'm get from a cereal box.

So I'm listening. I'm listening to both of the arguments, and I'm what I'm hearing that's the same in them. Although you might not agree with exactly how he does it, and you might not agree with your Demitrian Brooks. But Um, what I'm hearing so far is it's not what you argue about or the frequency of your arguments, but how you argue. Yes, Um, and that's how you argue for that individual relationship. So it's how you guys argue Dmitri and how Brooks you argue with your wife. It's going

to be different from each other. But it's ultimately not the frequency or what it's about. It's how it's done. That's what we've me It's not yeah, and there's just different methods. Um. You know, it's like they you know, I think, to be honest, I think it's your right. It's the it's the people involved in this. Honestly, if I was in an argument with my wife and I said, hey, honey,

same team, she would probably want to slap me. But how you said that, you said, hey honey, same team, it's already like an offensive tone because I'm already on the offensive. If you were trying to kind of calm the situation, I was trying to com I said, listen, listen, we're arguing that we want the same thing, we want the same But the way you said it was Han, it didn't even sound like you were fighting truth. For me,

I spent my whole life in locker rooms. I've been in shouting matches, like in people's faces, full dude shouting like and I don't want to live my life like that anymore. So I don't bring any of that to my relationship. My wife and I talk things through. I'll be fully transparent. We don't yell at each other. That doesn't When you're yelling, emotions are elevated and you're not receptive to listening. Listen that you came. You're right, you

came from hockey. Some guy cuts you off on the ice, and you guys started throwing punches and knock each other. My own team. You never got up and went hey, same team. No, my own team, My arguments with my own team. Yeah, this is an interesting ben. What you got here? Oh? I think here's the here's the part of it. Each each relationship is unique in its own way. I think what we're getting to is the topics that make this podcast incredibly unique and compelling. Which are is?

This is its core conflict resolution. So each person deals with conflict differently, and for Brooks, because of his background, how he has raised his career, it works. I think I'm hearing it works for you to associate it with a team. We're in this together. Let's settle the score for the other. It's just let's confront it. Let's dive in head first, because we know at the end of

this we're gonna get out of it. It might get really ugly, it might not always be navigating the right direction, Tempers may get high, but at the end of it, the idea of being on the same team is always there. It just isn't said because for a little bit of time, I really don't like you, but I still love you. I think I think we're Demitri and I are coming from is. We don't need to say it because we already know that we're on the same team with that person.

But also, I'm an emotional person. I'm Greek. I get heated. It's like I can't kick it down to same team. I have to be like, listen, I have to blow up my steam. Let me just say what I have to say. Well, I'll vent, you'll vent and I know will reach Epp. You just text her and say hey, just say hey, I've just been an appointment with a therapist. It's question for you, like when you say you need

to vent. What will be your tone? Is it going to be like you just need you need to say what you need to say, or do you need to like say it the way you need to say it, like I mean, it depends on what it is. I never get to like a to like a screaming. I can't see you get into that. Thank you. But there are times when I will get I will get heated, and I'll be like, no, you're not. I'll give you an example. You know you're not listening to the point.

Is what I'm saying, Brookes, is that you say same team. I can't be on the same team right now. That's me getting heated. Thank you. That's the best part about this podcast, um conversations like this because you can have them in a safe place and not everybody can have these, so it's a great conversation. I appreciate your appreciate the plugs you're throwing for how man think by a way, I feel like we are on the same team with Ben.

This is nice. You're welcome. You're welcome anytime. This is so easy when gas on here because Gave would just be grizzled because Gavin's single Gavin's full on singles. So he's like this marriage thing, it doesn't sound so good to me. I think I gotta go to Vegas and Etta whenever you got our checked, Okay, more of your questions. We gotta take a quick break and then we'll get

back with more of your questions. Back from break. My name is Brooks Like co hosted by Mr Ben Higgins, and we've got Katie Moe in the house here too. We are at Carnaro's resort at Live in Napa at the music festival. Now we're going to do something new that we have never done before. And it was hard on Easton and Amy to get this because I want you guys to have a microphone. We have a new voicemail where you can call in and ask us your questions instead of emailing him. So we have a question

from a listener here. It is Hey, guys. So I was listening to this past episode with Tanya Um and I see I was like screaming in my car because I was a wondering man if it would be different if the man or the male or your partner at a relationship like making my money was not what it It's not even really about money, but I mean about

the success or of that other person. So like Tanya, a well established woman in her career, Like, is that intmidating regardless of the money, regardless of the things, regardless of the trips. Um, I'm just thinking, like the success and what that feels like? Is that emasculating for men? Thank yous? So I want to bring this to you, Ben, I just want to let you take the lead on this. Is it? Do you think it will be emasculating to a man to be with a woman who is more successful?

Just take the money out of it. But I think we have to define success. So, like I know Jessica's dream job, um would be to spend her time uh working with young women who have suffered with eating disorders, because that's what Jessica's backgrounds in. I don't think there's probably a ton of money in that field, but her impact as a person could be far greater than mine would be if I, for example, I don't want to even say a job, because every job can impact people.

But so I think with the define success, So if Jessica's reach as a mentor as a person, that would give her time up to sit with young women as they're in there, like like heaviest times. I would love that for her. Um. Now, if we're talking monetary, if if my spouse is making more money than me, or if she is more well known than me and more more high up in her career, I would hope I would love her enough to actually I think I'd be super attracted to it. I think I could be her

biggest fan. I think I would literally be like in awe that a woman that is is that driven, that focused, that passionate would want her to spend her downtime with somebody like me. So you think it's a turn on instead of something that's wow? Alright, Dmitri, what you got Listen, my wife is extremely successful. I mean, there's no question about it. There's nothing for me. It's not a masculate if.

If you've got a problem with the fact that your spouse is is more successful or making more money, listen, it's it's our money. It's great, like work together, back to your thing, same team, same team, buddy there now it's now it's same team. Hey when it's argument, but it's like, no, my wife is extremely successful, and there's not one part of me that's like, oh, I wish I was more successful. I want to be equally successful like or I excuse me. I want to be successful

in my own right. Like I don't want to be like hanging on her coattails type of thing, like I would not work and just hang out at home. But there's no part of me that's ever like, oh, like it's embarrassing that she makes more money than me. I think it's fantastic that we're that we're doing things and we're and and I mean, she's brilliant if she's being rewarded for it, I have no problem with that. Rick, What do you think, buddy? I think it's I mean,

this is it's not really about the money. But the reality is it is about the money, and and it's about people feeling that way when somebody is making more money than the other person. And I think whether it's the wife or the husband, either one could feel emasculated, you know, And I don't think it's about so what about you? Would she feel emasculated? I don't. If she makes more money, drives a nicer car, better career, like she's like, would you feel emasculated? No, I would feel

I would. Could you say that? Yeah? Oh, sorry, this is what I think. Tell me what I think, you guys, But I just think we're doing such a disservice by not acknowledging that this is emasculating. It makes me crazy. I do not for keep being the exception to what the rest of the world is because I've experienced it. So do you know how do you know you haven't experienced it with that bizarre little Listen, here's the thing.

If I had if I couldn't get a job and I was and I felt like worthless and my wife was making Yes, maybe in that situation, but my situation, I'm saying, I am. I don't have a problem with her making a lot of money if I could not get a job and I felt like and everyone looked at me like, look at this guy, she's supporting it. You didn't say that because that's not my situation. Yeah, I agree with trying to speak broader terms here, but

for other people. But the culprit I think here because here's a unique thing that you as you said that, Amy, and and I don't think any of my married friends that are men make more money than their spouses because a lot of my friends and just because of where life's taken them, and a ton of things are like in like working for the church, or you know, like in like missions, working for ancient like humanian hop like the nonprofits and stuff, or like working for generous that

you know, I don't get paid from that. That's my full time job outside his podcast. Luckily, that is my source of income. I think that the variable that is speaking to is it's not if your partner is making more, it's where is your worth being held. If you can't find a job and I'm at home feeling so inadequate to do anything of value, then yes, I would be incredibly like weak in my and and and like to feel completely demascuated. But but it's not because my spouse

is thriving. It's because that's a big hanging. And I think the other thing is if your spouse is the one that's bringing in all the dough and doing being successful and they're not allowing that space for they're not letting you into that space of success, not from a money standpoint, but coming back home and being like, Hey, we're gonna engage in our life now. This is where we are. Instead they're like, oh, I'm hopping on a private plan to go to Salt Lake to go, you know, speak,

get this conference, and yeah we'll chat later. Like I think that's where it becomes emasculating, where it's like, you know what, screw you? Like you right, Yeah, you touched on something there, Rick. I think I think if I actually firmly believe, if the woman is still so supportive of the man, Let's say I'm a school teacher and my dream is to be a school teacher. That's the

greatest thing i could accomplish in my life. What I'm gonna max I'm gonna max out my earnings that maybe my dad was a school teacher became a principal, But like, if you get to six figures, that's unbelievable. It's gonna take you thirty years to get there. You all just made it about them. You made it about the money. Again, if you're the successful that's what this woman is asking about, successful school teacher, then you've achieved success in your field.

So that wouldn't be emasculating because you're the success in that field, you know. So I think that's a different conversation. But also if she supportive of the man and what he's doing, would not would help a man not feel emasculated if he were. If if she made ten million bucks and he made fifty grand, but she loved him and supported him in his mission. If she makes yeah, if she says like what Rick said, like hell yeah,

you're gonna feel emasculated, that's going to cause resentment. You're done. But if she supports him in his mission, like in my mission right now, my life is different. I used to make money playing hockey. Now I'm not, like my wife is greatly out earning me, but she been with this podcast. He doesn't even make any money on the podcast in the same respect. And sorry I'm talking. I try not to talk this episode. To all y'all with your letters and keep them coming. It's fine. But here's

the thing. I think it's important too. If the woman is successful, to make her feel feminine, you know what I mean, Like in this man should make her yes, because if she's working all day and that makes you feel sort of one way that just like you want the woman to be supportive of you, I think the man should also be supportive, even in a different way, of the woman who's sort of the ball buster and successful. A woman doesn't have to be a masculine energy to

be successful. A woman could be successful feminine energy. We could argue that in a different show, because I we could argue that. I will tell you this, I truly believe this. The men that are sitting in this room, and I think a lot of men out there um would be incredibly supportive of a partner of a wife that is thriving. And I know, I know right now when Jessica has small victories or big victories, there is a joy there that I've never felt for any person ever.

It's like everything's awesome, like when she thriving and she comes. She just did it today. She just called me and like, Ben, I'm gonna be able to speak at this conference, uh and talk to women struggling with eating disorders. This is what I've dreamed of, she said, this is my dream, this is what I've always wanted to do, and I'm gonna be able to do it. Like my feeling in that moment was unlike anything I've ever felt before because I knew how much she wanted it, and I knew

that was her marker of success. Okay, I know people, I know women who are super successful. Now, the man might not work hard so I do think that becomes where the conversation takes place, that if the guy is kind of freeloading, for lack of a better way to say it, that becomes brutal and they just because she's not going to respect him at that point, Like she's out working and he's freeloading. She's not going to look at me and be like, oh, look like I don't know.

I think you're right. I think that's the tough part there. And and it's also like we're not saying that there's no part of us that feels that, like in my life, I'm not earning right now, my wife is earning way more than I am. There is still a part of you that is like, yeah, like I am so happy, as as Ben said, love that she's thriving because I'm a part of that. I'm a part of her success.

Absolutely love that. But yeah, there's still a part of you that doesn't compare yourself to her but uses that as motivation like damn, I want to I want to level up to Like is emasculating for you all? Then what is something that a woman does that makes you feel that question? That's the question. So, um, I can answer this. So let's take the same scenario and what's been mentioned, but I think it needs to be sat

on for a second. Is if she was thriving and it comes back home and there is this like these passive aggressive comments, are these jabs making me feel less than there's there's nobody that could make me feel less of a man than my partner who'man trusting with my heart, with my with my identity, with my tears, with my with my moments that I don't feel super masculine. She could break me. I know this about anybody I've given my heart to. She could break me with a word

in a second. So their words, their actions, um could could make me crawl up. And especially if you're especially if you're trying freeloading out, take that out of the equation for a minute. If you're trying and she comes home and she says, oh, what you want to go on vacations, Yeah, I'll do that for us, something like that, It's like, man, you know i'll do that for I'll do that for you. I'll do that first that yes,

I agree with that. That's where it would hurt because then you're being felt to feel you're you're you're you're feeling like you're you're not worth it, You're you're you're less then, and that's when someone's doing that to you. That's tough. It's a it's a great question, Amy, I'm I'm like, don't even have an answer for that. It's a that's a nuclear question and like a very important question. How I'm trying to think in my relationship how I

can feel emasculated. I think when guys feel disrespected. I think when guys when I feel that my efforts, even though they aren't paying off fruitfully right now, are not respected and seen, can make me feel emasculated. It's a really I'm I'm not trying to skirt this. I'm trying to like dig in and think hard on how I feel emasculated. But I do agree with Ben that you somebody that you love, you support, and you just want them to win. It's just it's not about you. You

want them to win. But I'm really trying to think of how I mean, if they feel emasculated with somebody right in front of you and pretended like you weren't there, ye would destroy a thousand. I also think, Amy, your

perspective on this, stuff is always interesting to me. And this is why, Um, there's a reason you get emails and letters from people who are like Amy doesn't need to talk in the podcast, because you are a powerful force, Like you have grinded and like you have a grit to you that is unlike many women in this world because of what you've been through. I also think you're playing in a playground full of people from a Los

Angeles who I don't know. I've never dated in Los Angeles, But like you said, it's always what's better next, what's better next, and it's how do I get ahead? It's it's a very very selfish dating culture from anybody I talked to. Now, there's some some some really great people out there, but they aren't everywhere. What you would need is a man to come beside you and say, Amy,

I love everything about your success. I love everything you've done to this point, everything you've built, everything, every opinion you have, every strong opinion you have, and I'm just here to tell you this. I want to be your partner and walking through this with you. I don't think you've ever had that, and it makes sense on why you don't see it. Damn, He's good yeah, it's true. By the way, it's the perspective of somebody that says, I've been through ship. I've seen it. I've been hurt

too many times. I see everybody falls short. I see when I push harder, they move farther away. And if you never had somebody put their arm around you and say you're just doing great and I'm just really happy to be here, Yeah, then how would you know it exists? But how would you know what exists? It's not about me, but would you know it existed? Right? I think there's a lot to unpack on all both of what Brooks

and Ben are saying, because it becomes super complicated. It's like Brooks even trying to think of what emasculates him. It's like you don't remember it until you experience it. And that's the same thing. It's like, I just have a gut feeling that there are people out there who everybody says, no, the woman can be at work and I'll be Mr. Mom, all good. Well, some some people can do that. I know I can't do that. There's there's some people, but yeah, there's yeah, there's but there's

also that that can happen. I have I have a member in my family that's a stay at home dad, so that can happen. But I will say that that's not for me. Even though my wife is successful, being the stay at home dad is not for me. It's and it's not a comparison. It's not I need to go earn more money. It's just not my life that I want to live. Like, I hope when we have kids, I'll love them and whatever, but like, I cannot see myself being the stay at home Do you think you

could do it? Do you think that you could be the stay at home dad and not feel emasculated and your wife is just ball busting out there and making all the money. Like again, I think it doesn't have to do with money. I think it has to do

with respect. And when that person, your wife comes home from ball busting and making all the money or whatever and respects you the same and takes pride and is just as much as work that you've done, whether you were taking the kids, you were doing the lunches, whether you're doing the laundry, whatever, that is when you were at a stay at home dad, and you get the same amount of respect as that person who's out doing whatever maybe it's earning the money side of it, then

it's okay. I don't I would not feel that way. I feel like if they came home and they were like like Dmitri saying like, well, well, well yeah, I'll take the family to Hawaii today, you know, or like once they do that and turn that switch on, then it's like okay, no, thanks, like all good, by the way, this isn't what two things. I am kind of living that life right now because my wife has a full time job, so she works all day long. My schedule is way more flexible, so I do pack the launches

and I do take the kids to school. And there is that moment when you get to school and you and people looking like, oh, maybe he's not working. She's working. It's like, but whatever, I am working. It's just that that I I have the ability to do that as well. So whatever. But the other thing is, here's a question. How come you know when people say, oh, a mom is like a CEO job, right, so when they say stay at home mom, it's like a CEO job. It's

the busiest job there is. That doesn't mean she's not working. But when a guy does it, it's looked upon as like he doesn't have a job. Yeah, he's a failure. Well that's what I was going to ask you. So even though you'd be okay with it, and your wife would be okay with it, what how are you going to feel when the town the neighbors are like, oh there's Rick, he doesn't work. I don't know. I don't have any neighbors. Yes you do. How would you feel? Do you think that that would bother you? It's a

great question. It would bother anybody. But it doesn't mean it has to change. But yeah, it would bother you. I think there's also men have a lot of pride, not saying women don't, but speaking for men, men have a tremendous amount of pride. What becomes interesting because that's how women probably feel when the neighbors say, oh, she doesn't work, she stays home, they probably feel like, screw you. It's gnarly. Here mark it up here. I think here is why are we? Why are we dismissing the value

of a mom? What about the also dismissing the value of a debt? Next one? And I'll be quiet now, and I want to say I want to say to our listeners don't tell Amy not to speak because she had You had a tremendous amount of value, And that pisses me off when people read so nice. I tried not to talk today because I know next week I'm gonna really want to talk a lot. So just be ready.

By the way, just to go back to earlier in the podcast, when Amy and I got heated a few minutes ago, there was no one part of me that was about to be like Amy, same team. I couldn't. My buddy was at close to being able to do that. Just well, I just want you to market research. That's all right, brother. The other thing we already we already

passed it. But like, there's the stay at home mom that makes the lunch, wakes the kids up, does the laundry, drops the kids off, and then she goes to the country clubs and plays tennis and eats lunch and drinks wine until three o'clock and then rolls backs and takes a nap and then goes and picks him up at four o'clock. So what the hell do you call that? Well, you're gonna get roasted. I some moms out there, all right, we gotta take one more break. We'll be back. Man.

Those are awesome, Ben. I appreciate you hanging out and those are some tough questions, man, The tough questions are the best part. Man. Thanks for let me be a part of this. And I think this podcast is doing and we'll do great things for a lot of people. We're trying to, man, we try and dig in deep. And now we have some guests with us. The reason we're here is because they have a new app Scene Dating, that put us here. We have some guests, Joe and

Kendall in the house. Hey, Patrick, part of bachel Like, I kind of want to be part of it. No, I don't want to be part of Bachelor because I mean i'd be. I don't want to. Like, I've met so many awesome people that are part of the Bachelor family. And I watched the show. My wife sometimes hosts Batchelor viewing parties, so we watched the show and Joe, we watched you on Dancing with the Stars. How is that? Um? It was. It was a rough experience, but it was

wonderful at the same time. I wasn't the best dancer, but I grew, you know, And I say this like, I'm I'm professionally trained now, so when I go anywhere, I'm probably the best dancer anybody else. Is your wife working on the show at that point? No, I think she was. But my my brother in law's girlfriend, Haley, he was on the show. Yeah, Um so yeah, I would love to try that though. I've wanted to dance, like I actually bought a dance DVD before I even met my wife to try and learn how to dance.

Now we've been together six years and I still haven't competition. Joe might have to teach me tonight. No, she hasn't teached even for our wedding. I didn't even get taught dance for our wedding. So I mean you you don't know how to dance. I don't, brother, I don't know how to dance. Join the club. Let's talk about your new dating app because a lot of our community, we get a lot of right Tori, we get a lot of dating questions. Our community wants to know about dating.

So you guys have a new dating app called Scene Dating. About this? Yeah, so Seene dating is um pretty much transparent dating. And what I mean by that is that all of your messages and all of your video chats that you have with people on the app are actually public for everybody to view that's using the app. Whoaha, So if yeah, if you guys say, you guys are just like you're on the app for the first time, you guys would have a conversation on video and Ben and I can tune in. Oh yeah, so anybody on

the app can see everyone else's conversations. And um, what we've found is that the more public conversations are, the more people are there for the quote unquote right reasons. So there's no ghosting, there's no uh, unsightly pictures that are sent. Um. I mean, and Joe and I have had a lot of experience, and a lot of people in the Bachelor world have had a lot of experience with public dating and dating that other people can see. Um, And for us, I just felt like it was being

transparent and how we are dating it. I think it just helped our relationships so much with the honesty part of it. In transparency, Yeah, I agree. And it's an app for people that actually want to meet someone seriously and want to date seriously, opposed to randomly hooking up or just putting yourself out there and wanting to get followers or whatever. This is for people that aren't scared to show who they are, you know, and they're not trying to hide behind the fake profile or catfish or

whatever you call it these days. But let's say let's say I'm watching a date and I like the girl. Can I somehow get in touch with her or say like, hey, get rid of this guy? Come talk to me, Like, how does that happen? Um? I mean definitely. I mean as long as you're still on the app. I mean you have to be polite. You can't intrude in the middle of the house. All is fair in love and war, so you know, you gotta get the person you're meant to be with. But um, the cool thing is that

they have the swiping element to it. So just like a traditional dating um dating app you can swipe, but also you can see other people's profiles, like anyone's profiles. So even if you're a girl, private profile, yeah, no private profile. So even if you're a girl looking for a guy, you can still see other girl profiles, create friendships with the other girls in the app. Um, and uh yeah, talk to pretty much anybody. What do you all see? Is the downside? To this form because I'm

I'm reading this and this is also my brain. I typically get really excited about like kind of far out their ideas that could actually work, and I can see where this could work right. It eliminates a lot of the things that are issues in dating today, the ghosting, um, the kind of aggressive pictures and and comments and stuff.

What are the downsides to this? I mean, well, I think it's you know, I'm naturally a shy person, so I think it's trying to over It's it's overcoming that right because you're going to have a conversation and other people are going to see it. But once you break

that barrier, then it's it's free. I mean, that's what The Bachelor did for me, you know, because I was shy and it was hard, but once I was actually out there for the public to see, it was like, oh, this isn't a big deal to find strength and vulnerability. So I feel like, I mean, at least for Joe's and my relationship, this is now the longest relationship I've ever had, and I feel like that has a large part of that has to do with the fact that it was so public and I was forced to be

so honest and up front of my feelings so quickly. Um, and you know, I don't know. I feel like it was just such a good way to start a relationship with complete transparency. Was that a problem for you in the past you weren't able to do so or you weren't able to open up for I think the only person wasn't. I definitely have used other dating apps before,

and um, there's the whole I mean. But the thing is, you get so I feel he caught up in the next best thing and what's shiny and what's new, and you don't really put a lot of attention or focus a lot of energy towards the relationships that you already have, and so um, by having it being public, I felt like it was something that I wanted to put more attention towards because there were people that were watching and learning from my experiences. So, um, I was just very aware.

I was like, Okay, well, I can't mess this up. I have to you know, go completely true and honest with it. So some of the lessons from your relationship are laced into the fabric. Yeah. In developing it, I think we saw the benefit of our relationship being so public and we wanted to bring that to a broader audience. I see just how powerful, UH this app could be,

and I also get where you're coming from, Joe. For the shy people out there, this might help hold them back, But what this will do is eliminate, um, the jerks of the world on both sides. I think that the people who aren't in it for the right reasons will stay away because they can't hide here. Vulnerability opens people up to a whole new world that's never been used to. UM. It's listed here and I need to I want to make sure to say because I think this is an

awesome idea. UM hashtag real connections UH to to follow UH the datas around and UH and see what kind of connections are being made. So make sure, if you're interested, you you look up the hashtag real connections UM on on Twitter and Instagram. So I have a I have a Tori, our producer, Tori here smiling. We have your newest app. Remember Mr Gavin DeGraw, So my co host that is not here today, Mr Gavin DeGraw. We're gonna sign Gavin up. We are gonna sign Gavin up for

Seene Dating. So walk us through this. I signed Gavin up. He doesn't know this, He's just going to get a notification later the buddy I signed you up for some dating. Um, I signed Gavin up. What happens now? He has to create a profile? Can you walk us through Gavin's journey here? Yeah, it's very much like a traditional profile. So you put your pictures down, you put a bio down, UM, And I think the real meat of the profile is really when you start having conversations with other people that are

on the app. So how does that start? So? UM you can match with people or you can reach out to people that you see on the on the app, so I have to be say, I'm like, do I scroll through people in my area? Do I? Yeah? There's so right now it's only in Los Angeles. Anybody in the country or I think the world can watch it, but you can only participate if you're in Okay, l A. And then you have too Now it is spreading to

other cities as of now. But you can um swipe as the same thing as a traditional apps or swiping means like I like like I want to connect with someone, or you can just request and then if your request is accepted, then you can start a conversation, got you okay? Yeah? Wow. So it's like real dating. I mean I almost feel like it's closer to the real world than other apps.

So what happens, Um, If I have too much to drink and I say something one night that I regret, you know, I've gone too far, I've loosened up too much. I wake up the next morning, I go, oh, no, I've ruined myself. Can I is it just out there for everybody's We've been there, We've all we've all done that, and you have the option to remove that. But then that's going to be like on your record, So people are going to say, oh, if you do that, do

it once, it's not a big deal. But if you do it multiple times and people are like, oh, this guy has pulled down conversations and multiple videos, that's that's a red flag. So I don't know if I actually take this person serious. So there's a record of how many conversations I have had Candy conversations within thirty days. So it's very much like a story you would have

on Instagram. Um, it just shows the recent conversations you've had, including the video chats, and then they'll automatically delete as time passes. Okay, so then let's say I like a girl, she likes me back or something. I can go on and watch her previous conversations. You kind of get a

vibe for how she is and how she interacts with people. Wow, and if you're like, oh, you know she's attractive, I'm mentor I like you yeah, or oh I actually don't like her personality, or yeah, I don't need to connect with her, move to somebody is fascinating. And I like the idea of not being able to hide that you're talking to multiple people, you know, because I think that it's easy for people to get caught up and have

multiple conversations with multiple different people. You're spreading yourself too thin, and I think there's a lot of uh, there's a lot of bath that can come from that. I think really focusing on certain people they really see a connection with um is the best way to go about relationships, at least personally speaking from my experience. Why are you all involved? You're together, you're not dating any longer. What what makes you want to get involved in the dating app?

So Mike came to us with the initial idea and his initial idea was to create a reality TV show out of the app, and so, I mean, I thought it was really intriguing. But I felt like with Joe's and my experience being a couple that has found love publicly on the Professional Professional Daters UM and also with a new podcast that I have where I match people up on Down to Date UM, I felt like we UM,

we had an experience. I mean, at least I personally had an experience with public dating and the effect that had on people in the positivity that it had. So we worked with Mike to create an app that would allow people to have the same experience. I like it because it's scary, you know, you hear it and you're like, I don't know if I would feel comfortable doing that. And that was the first time in my life where everything kind of worked out. Is when I stepped out

of my comfort zone. Life begins at the edge of your comfort zone. So it was like tagline, right, question there is that is it ever too intrusive? Does it go too far? Is it because I get you're trying to get people to open up, but is it ever does because it's such a public forum, does it push it too far? Well? Once you once you actually meet someone you like, you could take the conversation off of that, like you don't have to you can have private conversation.

So you can choose private conversations, exchange phone numbers, or meet up in person. Not everyone can see your phone number or your address. Um, so it's just the initial meet up. It's more of a way to show that you're serious, like you're in this to actually meet someone or to date for real. Can you can you message somebody? Is it only video chat that you can do? It's

mea video message? Okay, So if if you just you know, you don't feel comfortable at first jumping on camera video or whatever, you could just message each other and then be like willing to accept the video chat. I look like you. I'd be video chatting everybody that I ever wanted to right back at you. I encourage video chatting.

I always feel like the bravest thing to do is to FaceTime somebody when you first match with them on a dating app, because you get to see like the true, genuine, unfiltered, unedited version of the person, a bunch of friends saying what should I say back? Which I do? You know, it's like breaking the ice. I like that, Candle. I agree with that. I FaceTime probably eight out of ten phone calls or FaceTime for me, just friends or people what.

I love FaceTime, But I also think there is something to putting yourself being vulnerable, lowering your weapons on a FaceTime like you can see someone, you can be like, I don't know, I'm just calling you. I just wanted to say hi, and I don't have any lines. It's I think it kind of lowers the weapons um and makes people more vulnerable and almost more engaging in what people deemed to be a somewhat awkward way, but it's actually a truthful way of like we're actually having a

real conversation, and you know, what are you doing. I don't show me where you're what's your apartment? Look, we're giving some of your attention, which does not something that's very common. It's more of the traditional way to actually look at it. It's like we're taking technology and now we're going back to where there was no phones and I used to scream out your window and say, hey, you know it's me. I mean I didn't do that, but yeah, I think like Leonardo DiCaprio did, and the

movie did so is it? So, UM, we're gonna sign Tori. We have to sign Gavin up on this thing. My sister is going on it too, Okay, Yeah, so I'm excited my twin sisters going on it. So I'm excited to UM to see her experience and kind of tell everyone about how how it is hurt with her going on the scene. Up. No age restrictions on this hed No, yeah, yeah that's what I meant. But like, UM, is it a free app? Is a subscription based? It is free, so it's free for people who are viewing it and

also people who are also dating. Um. You can also pay to have the deluxe version. Yes, yeah, you can pay for the deluxe version. You get more swipes, you have a lot of features. UM with that, so more features, unlock um upgrading the data plus unlock section features. Love it. I'm excited for Gavin. Gavin, my buddy has a tough time getting Yeah, Gavin Nagra. I don't know if you've heard of himbody the tough time dating. Uh, you know, Joe,

you said something that hits with me. If I was single, i'd definitely been into this app because, uh, if you met me six years ago, I'm a different man then than I am today, UM, a lesser version of myself because I put myself out of my comfort zone. I did something that was incredibly scary, that made me insanely nervous. I was shaking during most of my time on The Bachelor at But I'm a better man because of it, because it opened my world up to a world I

had never known I could first had existed. And also that I could even partake in something um and have the confidence to do something like a show like that, and probably like an app like this. I think this is awesome. I think this is great. I'm a fan of Scene Dating. I'm a fan of Kindall and Joe. Where where can we download this? End? Yeah? Apple Store, wherever you get your apps from? Okay, Tori, we have to get Gavin on this. Joe and Kendall, I appreciate you, guys.

Scene Dating is the next generation dating app for online daters fed up with faked up profiles and time wasters. Scene is the first and only dating experience that offers complete transparency to men and women looking for the perfect match. Joe and Kendall told us so much about this. This app is gonna be amazing. Transparent dating means a new, innovative and honest approach to dating, which allows singles who are serious about dating an opportunity to match on human

connections and chemistry. Chemistry so important, and that means more real connections. So if you're tired of relying on a contrived profile and a set of might look like me but probably really does not look like me, pictures scene reveals a potential partner's complete personality in charisma and lets you choose like yourself, be seen and enjoy the safest, most positive and respectful dating environment ever created. Ben, you are the man. Thank you so much. Um and also, guys,

can I be like adopted as an honorary bachelor? Yeah, we'll give you a rose. Yeah, Okay, download Scene Dating and swipe to again go on a date with Gavin DeGraw. That's it for this episode. Joe and Kendall, thank you for coming by. Ben. I appreciate you. My brothers, yes, and I hope we'll come back. Uh and check out his podcast Almost Famous. It's I've learned so much from you actually, just from watching you the way you podcast

good sir, So I appreciate everything you do. Best luck to you and your beautiful girlfriend, and to all our listeners, take care of one another, love one another, and we'll see you right back here next week.