Slideeee into the DMs

that's going to be one of the episodes today. So today we have two very special guests coming on with us today, and we're talking about everybody's favorite topic, sliding into the d MS. So we have someone starting with one of our first guests here whose reputation for the d m s precedes him. Um. But he is a former uber competitive swimmer, actually tried out for the Olympics. He's a American model and you probably best known him as a reality TV star from Joejoe's season on the

Bachelorette and from Bachelor in Paradise. Mr Robbie Hayes, he's with us today, Robbie, what's up, buddy? Hey guys, I'm good. Thanks for having me. Um My man. When we put together this show, I started asking our producers and I'm like, I want to do a show on d MS about sliding into d MS, just to have some fun and also because dating during COVID it seems to be the most prominent way for people to still connect. Um. And one of the first names that popped up was Robbie Hayes.

I love it. I love it, thank you. That is producer I I I'm gonna out our producer Danielle brought your name up. Um. And so, so you are the master of the d M s. Is it that you are the master of the d M s or is it that you just received so many d M s Um? I mean I used to receive a lot back during the shows, hundreds of days, but you know it's slowed down for sure. UM, I don't. I wouldn't consider my stuff a master by any means, but it's definitely utilized.

It's a one of the greatest tools we have now, especially like you said, during COVID. So when did you first start using When did you first start using social media? When did you first start using d M s UM. I was a little late to the social media game in general. UM. I remember in high school when it kind of when Instagram kind of came out. Um, I

was a little late to the party. Actually a girlfriend got me into it, Um, so we could I blame her for all the d ns and thousands of dms I've sent every ten years, but um, yeah, it's a little late to the game. And then you know, before before my first show, The bachelorreat, Um, I wasn't doing bad. It's not like five or six thousand followers. And for you know, a nobody that's right right when it starts

that it comes out. I didn't think that was too bad. Um. However, they take your phone on the bacheloreat so you have no contact, no internet, no TV kind of that. And literally the day I turned it on on after the show, it ended so much stuff came through, so many d M so many new followers, so many text messages, so

many emails. My phone crashed on my seventeen hour flight home from Thailand, two and a half months of not having it and then getting my heart broken the day before, so all I wanted to do was look at all the nice messages my mom sent, my friends and family sent, and then it crashed. So Um. Anyways, I got home and I turned it on and had like four hundred and twenty thousand followers over essentially overnight from me right because I hadn't seen my phone since it was at

five thousand, So it was life changing. Wow, What was I feeling like going from five thousand to four twenty was it? Like? What did you feel at that moment? It's just astronomical. I felt I felt nice about it. I mean, I felt like I had an influence on people. I felt like people appreciated, you know, what was going through what I was going through um on the show. And it was actually a conversation that Joejoe and I had on my season, UM during Hometowns we were out

in the boat. She's like, you know, your life's gonna change after this. You're gonna be you know, picked and pulled in every different direction, and you know, if we end up together, you're gonna have to, you know, stay focused on what we've got here because it can be a deterrent and it can be uh, you know, distraction, distraction UM. And I kind of took her word for it,

took her advice. She had been through the prior season with Ben Higgins and experienced at all exactly what was going on, so UM that kind of opened my eyes to like, yeah, this is actually gonna change a little bit, because in that moment while we're filming, I had no idea. I can't see my Instagram. I don't know what's going on. But um, it is a huge distraction. It is very even to this day, you can get stuck down the hole and just let's talk about that. So, so can

you unpack that for me and for our listeners. So just to give you a little bit of my history, I ever had social media until I was dating. Um, I got social media at the end of I think or start somewhere in the late bloomer. Also, yeah, so I was dating. So I never had history of being single and sliding into d m s And how can I use social media in the dating world? So let me unless I want to have you unpack how this became sort of a tool for connection and opportunity for

you in the dating world. Well, in my mind, uh, you know, even going down to posting a photo and getting a thousand comments, like the first few weeks, I was a guy that like tried to respond to all

of them. So I just got my heart broke in and you know I did the things right that the guy who won didn't necessarily do asking her parents for permission, all that nonsense, and so half the message I was getting was like your mom raised you so well, or like my mom's Facebook had like thousands of new messages, was like your son was such a things you raised

him well, good job. So it's being used a lot for that, and when when you try to respond every comment, it's not gonna go well, especially like fresh off the show like that, you get thousand comments today and not all of them are good. And I had to I had to keep my comments notifications on because Britney x O x O would be like your son is a loser, and my mom would be like block her right now, I'm like, mom, chill like people. I mean, one's gonna hate me. But when when it relates to the d M,

you know, I did the same thing. I tried to respond to most solve them because they're usually very supportive messages. It's like I watched your whole season. You were my favorite, and I had a few uh short you know how you can do a little command short text. I can type like tw and it auto correct all the way. I had like a thank you one where it was like I type and thank you, but it was type of whole paragraph that was like, thank you for your support,

really appreciate it, watched me in the future do all that. Um, and I was just copy and pasting to a lot of these people. But don't get me wrong, if one of them was you know, a smoke show and you know had a decent, decent, decent profile going on, I'd add a little personal touch in there and maybe conversation going But um, that's kind of how it all started.

And I don't I guess it's similar to like if you get on a dating app for the first time, you get excited, you just start swiping through and you end up the hunter matches. You're like, well, which one do I talk to? And you get lost in all the small talk. So um, trying to focus on the ones that you know aren't across the country in the Ukraine that are a model that you're never gonna meet in your life, but the ones that are from your hometown are like so you kind of pick and choose.

But um, yeah, getting off the show that it was, it was comical for me and my me and my buddies at a group about four friends that followed me around for about two months dofter the show, and it was just non stop in the airports, take a picture, then sliding in the d M s being like, was that you I just saw you at Gate twenty three A. It was like yeah, um okay, So how do you

process all of that? Because you come out with The Bachelor, um, where you've represented yourself very well, You're proud of how you represented yourself, and now there's just an overwhelming flood of attention on Mr Robbie Hayes d MS hundred a day. Um, how does somebody, how does somebody stand out so out of the hundred that come in? What are what are your where are your eyes drawn to? And how does

somebody get that personalized response for me? You? So, like I said, um in the in the beginning, and I was just kind of firing off trying to be respectful back to the people who are being respectful to me. You know, if you're thanking me for giving a good show, I want to thank you for supporting it. Um And I love that man. Yeah. And and at the time, like right then, six months after I wasn't really looking for relationship, you know, I almost got engaged. I was

having fun. People wanted to take pictures with me. And at my college when I go back for games, I was getting cornered and grocery stores and airports and Starbucks, you know, all the basic white girl places. Um, and

I was just kind of going through it. But nowadays there are things I look for and I don't really respond to everyone because I know that people can kind of hold onto conversations and once I say I thank you for the support and all that, then they're like, well, how about we get a drink And I'm like, well, I see where this is going now. Um. But there are a few things I look for. One definitely is you know, I want to see some type of pictures

with their family. Um. You know, families first. For me, it's what I hold highest above work, above anything else, is my family. I'm the oldest of five and we're all within six years. So like I'm thirty one, my younger sisters twenty four, super close family. And there's none of your friends or there's none of your families, that's

a red flag to me. Um. I also really like the ones that are creative, Like I'll never forget I had a girl sent me a picture of a bed, a coffee table, and a ask just basic pictures, random like product photos, not even in a room. And the only message she sent was I just slid in or I just moved into your d M. And I was like, I get it, okay, Yeah, I'll respond to the clever ones like that, the ones that I make me giggle

or catch my attention. Um, but also location matters, you know, like there could be a beautiful woman from Russia that wants to meet me, but like when am I gonna be I could go visit. Don't get me wrong, I travel ton, but I'm not gonna go over there and settle down. You're probably not gonna come over here and settle down. And how am I gonna introduce you to my family? And a lot of people think I'm crazy in the sense that I will introduce you to my family,

you know, a month after I've known you. A lot of people wait until a year and a half or a year until they're comfortable and they know you're the one. I want to get you inspart of my family, to see if you can hang, to see if you can deal without a loud your art, and to see if you mash if you don't I'm wasting my time. I'm not going someone that my parents dislike just value their opinion too much, and quite frankly, of everyone in the world,

they know me best. So what catches your attention more? The caption or the photo in a d M. Oh, that's that's a dangerous question. There's limitless abilities with the with the with the photo or like even just even just like say the person's profile photo, that's definitely the caption that it's definitely the message they send. If it's clever,

it's heart felt. Um, you know, if they're not too aggressive off the bat, then I know that you kind of have a good heart, You're you're probably really interested in it, and we can talk through see what happens. Yeah, I think we've talked about this many times, especially since COVID on this show. Um, that the world is really waking up and getting a lot better at at interpreting

digital energy. So in those d M platforms that are coming out with giving you different ways to express it, right, and so in your d MS you can tell like, wow, this person just wrote one sentence, but it feels very genuine, it feels very SCAREDI or this person wrote one sentence, and this is just like this person just wants to hook up. You know what helps with that is when someone sends something like, Hey, I really enjoyed you on the show. I loved how you put your heart out there. Um,

don't worry about the breakup. You'll find the right person. Because it almost makes me feel like they've been through it. It's like it's like they're they're there by my side, patty my shoulder, you know, scratching my back, letting me know that you know what you went through, we've been through you'll make it through it. Stuff like that gets me too when it when they kind of related to themselves. It's not in a conceited way or an arrogant way, but like you know, I had to go through this

as well, You'll get through this just like I did. Yeah. Um, what are some of your if I asked you to tell like one d M story, M, is there something that's just so wild that pops off in your brain like this is the funniest DM story or this was the worst DM story. Is there anything notable from your d M history that's just completely outrageous that our listeners have to hear. I mean, there's not like an elaborate I would say, d M story. I get a lot

of weird stuff. Um, you know, I guess one elaborate story that actually ended up being a date his girl in l A. Um, and she slid in and I was like, sure, yeah, it's like I'm I live in l a. Let's go out. That'd be easy. We'll catch a beer and a drunk at sunset. Um. I went and sat down with three dinner and literally ten minutes in she was like, so are you gonna post us here? And as I yeah, I'll get around to this restaurant's nice, it's scenic, blah blah blah. Forty five minutes in, have

you posted us here yet? I'm like, all right, I know why you're here now, followers and people to see me with you. You want to try to catch some of my following? Check please? Yeah that happened twice now actually in l A. Yeah. Um. But as far as elaborate stories, I like like the small world stories like I'll get a message from a cousin I had no idea I had, And we'll go into this long diet tribe about how like I saw them at my parents,

my grandparents fiftieth anniversary. But I was, you know, twelve, so I didn't really remember meeting them. But we have these distant cousins and all these weird connections or like mom's ex boyfriends from college whose now wife's love the show, or like husband your mom back in Like yeah, people just want to find a way to connect with you. Yeah, but like that's still a cool story. You know, I'd be like, oh, that's kind of the guy that I never would have heard about that my mom dated before

my dad. It's like stuff, it's not just you're hot fire flame fire flame kissing moji. Um, okay, let's call that direction, um, because undoubtedly you have got them and I'm not asking you to disclose them, but um, what is truthfully, Robbie, what where does your mind go when you get like a hot Steavie photo on a d M? And maybe it maybe changes with stages of life, right like, but like you come out of the batchelor and you get a hot Stevy DM like a photo you're probably

responding to that. I was getting a new today really from from guys and girls with a public accounts, so I couldn't keep them from coming out. But really, and still to this to this day. I get one or two a week. But um, you know it goes back to the same process. I'll go look and see. You know, if if the only thing she's posting is you know, those type of those I'm not bringing you home the mom,

that's a no brainer. You're gonna be wearing cut off booty shorts and she's gonna be like, what the hell are you doing? Yeah, So, um, it depends. There can be tasteful ones, you know that. There can be uh, there also can be some that are that are dirty that you're just like, wow, like, hey, let's hang out once and then uh go our separate ways. But um, yeah,

I mean that happens very often. And I will say, from a bird's dive view of those images come through you don't want to see, I would probably agree with you on that. Um. Here's here's another I heard this from. Actually was a friend of mine. She used to work on our show. Um, she was wondering how to how to separate yourself in the crowd of the d ms. So let's say you're getting you come out of the Bachelor,

You're getting hundreds of d M a day. Um, she said one way to separate yourself and to just add on to just sending you a d M because if you don't have a verified blue check mark, it's tough to get if you just clawed against everybody else, right, but she would said, she said. Another good way is then to follow up with like three to five photo likes? Do do do do on photos so that in your timeline thing there you'll see like this person's like, you'll

see her phone her name five straight. Yeah, just to catch your eye for a second. Do people do that with you? Do you notice that works? I noticed that works now. Um. Back in the day, when you know, hundreds and hundreds were coming in, I wouldn't have seen it. You know, it's too much getting ten thousand likes of photo.

Back in the day it was eighty thousand likes of photo and you're just not seeing it, um, especially the likes the d m s. Like I said, back then, i'd go through them, make sure I didn't know them or if they were to response, I respond, um. But yeah, nowadays, uh more so what catches my attention would be responding

to a story. As I think in some situations. You know, how the d m s have a like, well, now they have one folder, it's your inbox, which is divided up into primary and general General, and then you have the other requests. Yeah. So um, I think if you respond to stories, it's gets requests and goes straight to your inbox, and so if if you follow them, if I follow them, yeah, I get those notifications a lot better. And I've found that people get responses quicker because they

do that, and so I'll do that as well. I respond to stories instead, just because it's also relative. It's not some weird dude with blue check mark slide in your d M being like, hey you're gorgeous. Well you probably knew that, that's why you're posting all these beautiful photos. But responding to a d M or responding to a story, and you know, relating to something like they're in Ibiza. I loved when I went back in two thousand seventeen. You know, yeah, I find do you try and find

common ground with that approach? Then yeah, common ground is key. I I think, you know, if someone says something that I have no idea they're talking about, I'm probably not gonna respond. But if they say something like I said earlier, like oh I went to high school with your mom. I'm gonna be like, no way, and then I'm gonna call my mom and be like, hey, I met Harriet. You know. Yeah, um, how direct? How direct are most

people with you? And how direct are you with most people with as far as your intentions of the d M. I mean, it's for directing a sense of letting them know like what I'm looking for, Yeah, somewhat Yeah, Like I mean, if somebody sends you a naked photo, that's pretty direct there, like, okay they are, I'm not gonna respond. I'm just gonna probably like double hearted and like it and hope they said or or they know I'm seeing it.

But I'm not guilty by responding because I get a lot of them, and honestly, most of the accounts that send them are like two week old accounts. They followed ten people, and they're all blue check marks, and they're probably a dude behind the pictures of these girls that yeah, you're super careful. I mean, I already have, you know, pr issues with the whole sex tape issue that came out, and I don't need you know, some other dude blackmailing me because I got excited about fake photos he sent,

So I'm very cautious. It is a big revenue stream for me. I don't want to lose that. I don't want to lose any credibility on it, and my fans and followers deserved that. When was the I love that, I love that approach? Um, when was the last DM that you sent? Oh? Like a deliberate, deliberate slide I remember was Miranda from Game of Rooms. Miranda from Game of Thrones. Her name is actually like Charlotte Hope. She only has like a like twenty dollars, but I thought

she was gorgeous. She's a little art c for me, but I'm in l A. She's probably in l A sometimes. So I slid in. It's like all right in my room, and I will do fun stuff like we got a basketball whoping back back of the house and I'll film him and he'll be like, all right in a stone. If I make this shot, you have to go to Trader Joe's with me and shot next weekend and we'll obviously do it un till he makes a shot and

then we'll send the video. Like fun stuff like that, or like like I just said, will slide in and be like Hey, I'm going up to Trader Joe's this afternoon. I was wondering if you need anything, I can pick it up. And it's like like you already know the person type of thing. Yeah, I like it. So for our for our male listeners of the show, can you give us like more tips like that, some of your best tips and tricks. I'm sliding into the d O what you have, what you have seen found to like

work really well and get a response. I'd be I'd either be clever and well spoken, or I would relate to something. Go look at their past ten posts. If they've been somewhere you've been, bring it up. Um, maybe you know something a bar that they missed that they didn't go to, and they'll thank you for it and then you'll be friends. Um, do not do oh I would. I would drag my private parts through a mile glass just to sit back dinner with you. Like, don't do

just fireflame emojis. Don't do the eyeballs. I will spoil you rotten if you are my sugar baby, don't do that stuff. That's what about? What about pickup lines? Pick up lines gonna be fun? You know? If if I haven't heard them. If I've heard them and they're old, then it's like try harder. But if I haven't heard them, like I said, they moved in the d M one. I love that I was. I respect that responded back. I have no idea who it was, never mat her, but I liked it and she got a response out

of it. So something that stands out. I know what I do I have. I have a lot of girls that saw me back in the day, cross paths with me, whether it's at my front house for a football game, going back to school, or the grocery store or at a bar where I did appearance in eaton greet and you know, like two years later later, they'll get that notification two years ago on this day you did, and a lot of them resend it and being a nice

meeting you hope you're doing well. And I like that too because it's like it puts me back in that time where people like wanted to meet me, wanted to take pictures with me. We're paying money for tickets to events that I was hosting. It's like you still you know, you still follow me, you still support me after all these years, everything I've been through, and that will get

a response. So there's there's certain things, more heartfelt things, more relatable things, rather than I'd rock your world rap like a lot of Um, what's one thing you would really caution caution people about sending d m s because it can be fun and playful, but there's also a dark side to it too. What's one thing you would caution people want make sure they're not in a relationship.

So I've sent a couple of d ms in my days that I've had to go back in a race because I scrolled a little further down and I'm like, oh, and a lot of these girls won't post with their boyfriend now because they've got the influencer model thing going on so they can't mess up their feet or yeah, that's how to lose followers one on one, right post with a boyfriend see you. So it's it's hard to know.

And then when you figure it out, I go in there, I'm like, oh, I'll either be like I didn't see your boyfriend, hope you're happy, or I'll just delete the message. So yeah, understanding makes god to okay. Um, my man, I appreciate your time. Eddie pasked words for our community members, male or female who are struggling to date during COVID and want to utilize the d M game. As the

late Kobe said, shoot or shoot. You don't want to be You don't want to be that guy that's sixty five years old talking to his grandchildren saying, man, that Betty low and eighth grade, all the boys wanted her. I wish I had taken my shot because that dude, for forty five years has been holding that regret in him his entire life. You can say, no, I love it, shoot your shot. Let's do it. You're gonna regret it if you don't. Buddy, I love it. Thank you so

much for the insight. Thank you for schooling me. Um, Where where can our listeners slide into your d M s? Where do you hang out most of the Instagram? Facebook? Where do you where the best? Right now? It's Robert Hunter eighty nine. Um, yeah, that that's the best place to get at me. Awesome, buddy. Okay, Well I'm gonna slide in there as well and just say thank you. Yeah, yeah, I appreciate it. Robbie, You're the man. Um. Good luck

to you on your journey. And then if you have any like, if any come in from this episode that are just hilarious. Please send them to me, and then, well, how many think podcast over? Everyone listening start setting them in. Well we'll hold a little competition. Maybe they'll give away. See I did, I did that online. I posted stories today.

I said, Hey, I'm doing a podcast about d M s um sliding into d M, So show me how you operate world, How do you guys slide into d M. Not that I'm looking for them, I'm not looking to get asked out in that way, just for research for this podcast and share funny, funny examples of it. So, um, it's social media little is there an account in the d M that they just post shots or something like that? Dude, you should start it down in the d M and

just post shots. I'd be surprised it through as an account, but that'd be that'd be funny. You get a lot of pretty crazy submissions. Yeah, there's gotta be some fun stuff in there. Um, Robbie, my brother, I appreciate you, um being well, stay safe and thank you for sharing your d M insight. Thank you guys for having me.

Cheers buddy. See ye okay, So that was Robbie Hayes giving us the male perspective on the d m S and now we have maybe the best dm or in the history of d m s. I'm just saying that because you're my friend. We have one of the most followed golfers in all of the world, an exceptional talent and beautiful lady, and an Instagram phenomen page sporadic with us page. How are you girl? Good? Thanks for having me back on I mean, we did thirst traps and

might as well sliding dms. Now you know what, you know what I love is every time you're on the show, we just have so much fun. We get to do a show on thirst traps and new we're doing a show on on sliding into m both things that I was never involved in before, and now you've because of you and knowing you, You've got me involved in them. So I appreciate you getting me out of my shell. Page. Well,

that's what I'm here for. And it's the process. You get a thirst trap first, and then people are sliding into your d m s and it you know, it's it's it works, It's just out's working. Is that is this is the thirst trap kind of like the gateway drug and it's a very slippery slope. After that, all of a sudden it's d m S and then all of a sudden, I find myself sending nudes. What I'll be on probably for that one too, so you'll be my therapist like, oh page, I did it. Oh god,

it happened. Yeah, I'm like the devil on your shoulder, like do it do yeah? Probably? Um okay, So we want to the goal of this show one is always just to have fun. So I love having you on because we always have so much fun too. During COVID people our community are how many think listeners are are finding that really the only way they're able to still have connection and possible meet new people is through d MS. So we wanted to do a deep dive into the art of sliding into d m s and then also

receiving of d ms. Um So, in your history, what have let's let's even start with your your Instagram history and your social media history. When did you start using social media and when did you start using d MS? I mean ever since I got a phone, you just would have social media and direct messaging is just a way to communicate with people. So it's never something that was like weird for me. It was almost like sending

a tax It just feels very normal and natural. I will say now, or when I became like a public figure, I would never really send d MS unless it's like to my friends. I've never really like reached out to someone before. I've always had just people reach out to me. Um. Just because I'm sure you know this as well. It can be very overwhelming, like the amount of messages and d MS that you get from people, and like as soon as you answer one person, then you kind of

have to keep up a conversation with that person. And so it's always like do I want to respond and then keep up a conversation because once you respond, you can't just not respond anymore. So it's, uh, it's it's interesting. But I think also people realize that you have two and a half three million followers on Instagram and and they're not the only person in the world that you are talking to. You're a very busy person, um, professional golfer.

You have a say that you think that. And that's probably one thing I don't like about d m s is when people assume that you're the only person that they're talking to. So if someone will send a message and then maybe a couple of days later, even a couple of hours later, they'll send another message, like how would you not respond to me? I want to respond, and I'm like I'm trying, Like I can barely text my parents back, like I'm not gonna DM me about

like my whole entire life story. Right, I can handle on In the average day, I can handle like three phone calls and five text messages and and then my head blows off. And that's not even counting emails, and that's not even counting d ms. Um. So it's just I'm not wired to sit at a computer and type and whatever. So like mind just backed up by have mountains of text messages. I haven't responded. I'm just not

good at that. I'm good at FaceTime you FaceTime meet, I'll answer because I want to see your face, because I love people and I want to see your face. But digital messages messages like that, I'm not that good at. But let's dive into, um, let's dive into d m s and how somebody might use a d M to make a connection. So let's say, um, let's go from the female perspective first. So there's somebody. There's somebody that you like that a female likes a male and wants

to get this man's attention. What is a way that you in the past or you have used, or a way that you could advise our listeners on on sliding into this person's d M. Yeah, well, there's usually a process. So first you have to follow the person and then you like I would say about three to five pictures, usually in a row so they can see your name pop up. And after you do that, normally that person will then d M you and they'll just be like, hey, what's going on. But if they don't do that, then

I would normally just say something funny. I like funny d M s. I think that catches my attention a lot. I hate when someone will just send like hey, or how are you, or like what's up? I want to laugh. I want to be entertained. I want to like have a connection from the very start and to startart a conversation because it's so hard when I was like hey, and then what do you say back to that? You know you can't do anything. So when guys DM me

and they say things that are really funny. My favorite one is they'll send like a um emojis of different furniture and they say, hey, sorry, just moving into your d m s. Or they'll do one where they will send a picture of their dog and they're like, sorry, my dog's lost. Uh I found him in your DMS. So like that, Yeah, like really it's really smooth, it's funny. I had a guy once asked me, like what my favorite soup was, but he would I didn't respond right away,

and he kept every day. It was consistent. He'd be like chicken noodle. Uh, you just started naming like different soups. And I finally had to respond because I was like, this guy is so persistent. When you're so funny, it's something that's different. UM. Usually though, like when I would sign in someone's dm s, I'm trying to think, I mean, just you just make it fun. Just try to catch their attention. Maybe pick up something that's on their Instagram.

So if they were like, um fishing, then I maybe make a funny joke about that, or if they really like golf, you know, mentioned that, but always come in with like a question or something like a kind of joke just so they have like their forced to respond at that point. It's it's interesting that that humor is one way that catches your eye, you know, because different people,

like we just talked about Robbie. He was talking about like anything family or friends related, anything creative, um locations. If somebody says, hey, I live in l A as well, he's like, oh, that catches my attention right away. Um for you, he never mentioned, like he said, be fun, but you really mentioned humor. So humor is one way that you receive positive affirmation from a d M. Yeah, I think it it comes up non threatening. If someone will side my d M and they say, hey, I

see you're in Arizona, I'm in town. Let's grab drink or something that's almost like, okay, how do you know where I live? And it almost seems like they have an agenda instead of when it's kind of fun and silly. I'm just interested in knowing them better and then you can kind of move into that. But I don't like when it's too direct right off from the front. M Okay. So because I know you've and you've shared it, you've

had a history of that. I mean, you're very open on your podcast playing around where you talk about using d M s and you talk about your experience on d M s, and you talk a lot about negative experience d M. What are some of the like worst experiences? Um that that what some of the worst ways that men can DM somebody something that you'd advise our male community, like, do not do this from a female perspective. This will

never get a response. UM, I feel like this is pretty self explanatory, and you feel I feel like guys should just notice, but they really don't. UM, do not send a dick picture as the very first d M you ever sent a female. It is never ever going to work. It's never going to work. Just don't send a dick picture. It's not the move. It's not the move. I hand up. I have never ever in my life

sent a dick pick. I've note. Maybe it would work for you, though, if you just started sending like random girls dig pictures like I'm all about it, I don't think it work. I have a buddy, one of my best friends in the world. Why day I was at practice and I came out of practice and I had a text message from him, and he's very opposite of me, and the text message just said I sent five dick pics. This morning and it was only nine am, and I was like, oh my god. And then I was asked.

I was like, I've never said one. I have never said one in my life. Still to this day, I have never said one. Um. I was like, how do you do it, like just just the dick or do you put the face in it? The body? And he goes, oh, I did the whole thing, face, all of it. And I'm like, oh my god, Like, do you realize the internets forever? Like that's out there now? Um. But I agree. I even I get some of those. I get some

dick pics in mind randomly. I don't know why. Um. And it's the most startling and like abrupt thing ever. And it's not nice to look at at all. No, No, it's not fun. I don't want to see that. But it's interesting though, because some of my guy friends who are athletes or have a lot of followers women do the opposite. They'll send nude picture but it works for them, like that's like their go to move is just to be like hey here, like this is what you're getting,

and they like that. So guys don't just don't do it though, guys don't, Okay, don't do it, jest, do not do it. You're better than that. Okay, So here's a question for you. So you like a guy, Um, there's somebody that's caught your tension your female. You like a guy or a girl, whether it doesn't matter, but how do you slide in? What's one? Is it? Is it more text and caption based? Is it photo? Is it trying to find something that you have common ground on.

Is it responding to a story? What's what are some of the best ways for a female to slide into somebody's d M. I think responding to a story is really easy to do because you're responding to something that they posted and that will usually strike up a conversation or again finding common ground, finding a common interest that

you guys can talk about. But again, always open up with a question, make it long so they have to respond in if you actually put work into it and like you're interested in that person, and I think guys really appreciate that, and especially if you come in with a little bit of humor and make it fun and just try to stand out from what everyone else is probably sending that person or trying to be just a little bit different. Got you Okay, Um, what's your thoughts

on sending a photo? Should should a lady send a photo as well or just rely on the caption? Um mebe me. I don't know. I don't know if that's the move right away, like first just to send a photo. Um. Sometimes, if I'm going through my d M s and I see that someone send a photo, I tend just kind of skipped through it because when you're looking at someone it like says it's like black basically so you can't see in so you have to click on the photo, like approve them first and then click on it. And

sometimes I don't like that. I just kind of like skip through it. But if I see something that's funny in text, sort like a longer text, then I'll tend to read that first before I look at a photo. Do you get I'm sure you do, because you post a lot about your dog. Do you get a lot of hey, my dog wants to play with your dog?

Kind of? Yes? Yeah, I love it. I mean I will say if a guy sends me a picture of his dog, chances that I'm definitely going to respond because I just have such a soft spall in my heart for animals. Um, so, but it's also when people like respond to my story. And I think that's when if you want to send a picture and have up beer opening DM, do it in a response to someone else's story and be like, if they they're showing their dog, you can show your dog. But I don't know, I'm

not I'm not big on pictures. So so is that kind of the way So for our male listens for if somebody wants to connect with you or for a female, is that kind of like a less intimidating, more common ground, um, more organic way to at least open up the connection, you know, the flow of communication. Just I love your pop, I have a two year old lab or doodle two or so whatever they want to say, but at least, um,

and here's a photo of them or whatever. Or we love my dog loves chasing a phrasebee too, whatever, or

my dog makes these amazing pots as well. Um, but at least that way, at least that way now there's they there's more of a give and take and there's a line of communication and maybe it's a little less direct of a contact then coming out and like, hey, I want to get drinks with you tonight, you know, like you can follow, you can you can organically build a little bit of trust and a little bit of humor and connection prior to UM, prior to leading the

conversation where you might ultimately want it to go. Yeah, oh yeah, if if someone asked me a question, maybe like what kind of food doesn't need go like to eat? Or what to what toy is he playing with? Or if you'll ask me a question about um, the club golf clubs that I'm playing, anything like that, Like a question is the best way to kind of like start up a conversation. But I will say this, I think we put a lot of effort and thought into like

how we want to communicate with someone else. And truth is that person that person either likes you or they don't like you. And so you could send this amazing dm or an amazing text and they don't respond, then like, don't worry about it, Like you'll find another person. And if you have your own personal style of dm NG and maybe that is just sending hey message or maybe

it is sending a picture. There's no right or wrong way to communicate with someone, and everyone communicates differently, and so I think that's important to keep in mind, Like just do what you want to do. And if the person you're like dming doesn't like it, but don't waste your time on it. They probably are not gonna like you anyways, so just move on to the next person. So, okay, follow up to that then, So let's say let's say

I d M you. I'm a guy and I d M you and asked you a question or something and you just responded with a statement or an answer, but never asked me a question or anything. Follow up to try and keep the conversation going. Should I just take that hint? Oh, she's not into me, because if you were somewhat sort of to me, you'd probably have something some sort of a cliffhanger where I'd have to respond back.

So this keeps going. Yeah, not necessarily, because there are times where I have responded back and it didn't warrant a question to the other person. Um. But you can usually tell if someone is interested in you, buy like their use of emojis, if the if it's like a one word answer compared to you know, more of death. But if I like, if I take my time to answer your question and it's long and I'm using emojis

and I'm probably interested in you. But if you ask me something and I'd go yes, then no, like, don't don't take take a hint. UM, what kind of emojis? So I didn't know that emojis meant that somebody is sort of into you. What kind of emojis would be giveaways or not giveaways? Hints that like, oh, this person's maybe digging me. Definitely the hard eye emoji. UM, kind of like ailing emojis. There's I mean, really anything that

you use. I think just like adding something like if a guy uses emojis to me, I really do feel like he's interested in me because it's like, oh, he's taking a little extra effort to put a smile at the end of sentence or you know, the hard eye emoji or anything like that. I think it's just really cute. Oh, let's want to want to do an interesting experiment with me right now, grab your phone and go to type in um or just hit your emoji section and and what are your top three on the top left corner

going down? What are your top three emojis currently that you have used? For mine is the laughing, crying face, the puppy dog I face, and then um the heart emoji. Oh can I see him? Can you hold him up? Yeah? The oh, I didn't know, the puppy dog, I don't even know. I've never used that one. Oh, that one's my favorite, Like, I love that one. So how in what context do you use that? Um when you're like a little sad or you say something kind of cute like oh I miss you, and you can use like

the little sad I I love that. I'm trying to find I don't even know where it is. I've already seen that a O. I don't even know if I have that one. It's like my most used one. Okay, that's a new one for me. Okay, So here are my top three most frequently used emojis. I have the double high five, then I have the slanted laughing like laughing one, and then I have the prayer hands. So the double high five I have you's a good one.

Um oh, and then the fourth one is like the surfer like kind of hanked it because I use that, I'm like a later um. But I usually do that. I like high five or I'll laughing or like this one for thank you because I'll respond to a lot of comments or whatever. People send me yourself. I was like, thank you. Um, interesting, okay, so true story. I'm not good at well. I I never had social media until I was already dating, so I've never had the d M. Um.

As far as dating DM, I've reached out to like musicians and people that I'm a fan of and connected that way and be like, oh my god, I love your band or like, and actually made some amazing friends that way. Um, but I've never used it as a dating tool. So emojis even I had somebody send me l O L. They were sending me l O L all the time, and I thought it meant lots of love, and I'm like, whoa, I gotta hold on. So I'm

I'm a d M. I'm a d M moron. Um, But yeah, what's your thoughts on like, because sometimes people will frown on it. I think, however you meet your person, whether it's through d M S or whatever it is a dating app, however you meet your person is the

most important thing. What are your thoughts people that frowned upon or the thought that maybe, oh it's it's kind of sketchy to meet somebody via d M. I don't think anyone has the right to judge someone else on how they meet their other person or how they choose to communicate with someone else, especially now with social media and just the digital age being so popular. We communicate through our phones and that's just how we find people, and and now and quarantine and with everything on, it's

really hard to go out and meet people. You don't have that. And so for anyone to say like you can't use a dating app, or or make you feel desperate like you you can't find someone on your own, so you have to use a dating app, I don't agree with that. I think it's an easy way to connect with people and also just to make friends and sometimes if you're lonely, just want to talk to people and that's an easy way to do it. So UM, hopefully that stigma disappears and people can meet people how

they want to page. That was a wonderful answer. Thank you. Yeah, that was amazing. I hope people listen to that and even play that back and hear that again. Um, you're so right. Um, nobody has the right to judge anybody else on how they meet their person or how they go about it. Um. But then also during these times during COVID times. Um, people are still single, people are still seeking connection in the state of the world. Doesn't mean they have to stop that, you know. So there's

there's tools at our literally at our fingertips to reach out. Um, how many do Here's a question for you. How many d ms is too many? So let's say somebody like you. Let's say I'm d m ng you and I don't get noticed because you get a top like the guy that asked you about the soup's amazing. It just kept coming in and eventually responded. But how many d ms

is too many? Where you're like, oh, I'm just gonna block this person because they continually d M I would say, I mean, I've never blocked someone for sending too many, because there are times where I'll I'll see it and then I'll be scrolling or something else happens, and then I just I lose it because I just get a lot of messages. And it's nice that they actually do continue to DM me because it moves it back up

to the top. And sometimes I do want to talk to them, but I just I can't find their user name anymore, or I can't find their message. I would say, maybe like three if you send three d m s with no response, then maybe stop, but yeah, like maybe send a DM and then if they don't respond, like respond to someone's respond to their story and then they don't respond to that, then maybe do like one more response to their story or like one more d M

and then after that just it's not gonna happen. Mm hmm. Okay, Um, did you see my Instagram story today just before we did the show? No, I haven't. What is it? Okay? So I put it on my Instagram today, I said, reaching out to the community. I'm doing a fun podcast today talking about sliding into d m s. I want to see how the world operates. How do you guys slide into DM? So send me examples of you guys sliding into DM not because I'm looking for dates and whatever,

just because I want to see how the world operates. Um. And So I've been getting a bunch of them, some interesting ones. Um, and I kind of just want to ask you if you've heard any of these, because you've probably got You've probably like for somebody to like catch pages attention with something new is probably like a monumental achievement. You've probably heard them all. Um, are you a bank loan because you've got my interests. Yeah, that one. I

would definitely respond to that one. I love I think it's funny. I love it. Um, here's a here's another blue would love to spend a day with Koda hashtag DM. Um here's one. Somebody just sent me one. Um, it's them laying in bad. They're not naked, but it's them laying in bad and it just says slide. I mean it's aggressive like that. That is that's a good one. I love them. They will send like a picture of like um, like something like that where it's like a

guy sliding in. They're like sliding your DM. I think that's funny for sure. I actually laughed at it. I actually laughed at it because I kind of appreciated the forwardness. But but it wasn't it wasn't a naked photo, so it wasn't like super aggressive and in your face and really distinct and overly direct. But it was kind of

just playful, Like I actually thought it was kind of funny. Um, hi zaddy with the z no no no no. I have never said that I would never want if I was a guy, I would never want some saying that me that is like, no go for me? Why is that? Why is that one so bad? I feel the same way, but like this whole like daddy phenomenon like really creeps me out. I don't know, It's just like it just makes you look like you have like daddy issues or something like I don't want to data guys like my

daddy like I don't. And it just increased me out big time. Um do you can you? Do you have any in yours right now that you think are just hilarious that you'd want to share? Let me look, I haven't liked it a little bit. Um this person, this person just said can I borrow some money? Thought that was clever. I sent an address and said can you come to my Do you want to go on a date with me? And just like sent the address of

a restaurant. Okay, it's not bad. Um. Most I mostly just get like people commenting on my golf swing or like giving me tips. Yeah, what about what about this message? Um? Hi, nice to meet you. You're super inspiring, have incredible positive energy. Thank you for being amazing and putting a smile on my face every time I see a pick of you? And coda is that what is that under because that that just feels like a nice friend message. That doesn't feel like a this person is interested in the message.

I think it depends on what your intentions are. Um. If you just want to hook up that person with that person, definitely be more forward and send something really flirty and fun. If you are interested in maybe your relationship or seeing where it goes, then send something kind of in between. If you're looking just to like connect, then send a message like that. But I think you have to be clear with like what your intentions are going into it, um, because it's going to determine like

how you DM that person. You're you're so good page You're right because this I agree this. I feel like it's just a friend message. Yeah. Well no, they used the hard eye emoji. Oh yeah, I didn't say that. They used the hard eye. Um high and I used to meet you hard eyes? Oh does that see? I miss it? They missed it. That's interested, that's interested, yeah, um, because it's like, oh, I think you're cute, like I'm giving you hard eyes. Okay. There are four photos as well.

The first three are of dogs looks like a husky, and then the fourth one is in a bikini. So that fact that girl send you a bikini picture and a hard eyes and you're like, oh, it's just a friendly message. I didn't look at the photos first. I just looked at the message first. Okay. So that's a good clue for everyone. Don't send photos because you didn't

even look at the photos. Yeah, it's just because it was just like black black black black, Like um okay, um, what's a what's I don't know, jeez, it's so hard. So are people actually like maybe people that are out there that are like, oh I haven't been approached. Are they just like me where they're just missing the boat? Yes? Yeah, I mean I think like you're getting hundreds of messages from women who are interested in You're like, I don't

get it. I don't know not Oh man, Um okay, can you give our can you give our male listeners just a couple of real quick just to summarize this, because I know your business. I want to want to take up all your day summarize this the dudes, And don't d m E. Not send a dick picture. That's the one part. Don't not send a dick picture? Does that just that's the one don't don't do that. Um I would say, do be cute, fun and kind of

set yourself apart. So send like a flirty message or funny message or anything other than just like, hey, what's up? And then find common grounds. So ask them about something that they're interested in, ask them a question, and then be a little bit persistent. Maybe send them a couple of messages because they didn't see the first one. Um, So don't be afraid to know, be persistent, but if they don't respond, don't get mad at them. And also

just do what you want to do. If you're going to communicate the way you want to communicate, and if someone likes that, they like it. If they don't, they don't, So just move on to the next person. There's a lot of efficiency, amazing. Do you think people just copy and paste and just slide them to thirty people hoping

to get one bite. I'll get d M sometimes from like athletes and they just will send like an emoji and it's just like the thumbs up and I'm like, you definitely just sent that to like fifty other girls. What emoji? What what emoji? And then just like a hard eye or something. No, it's literally I got some guy sent me an emoji of pizza. Um. I got one where it was like a thumbs up, I got a smiley face, I got the fire flame And normally it's like hard eyes. But they will like that's like

they're moved, like they'll only send like an emoji. I'm like, don't don't do that, like put them upward into it? Is that? So that is that kind of just because that guy or girl, whoever it is, person is relying on the fact that they probably have a big platform, they probably have a blue check mark, and they're just gonna you're you'll see it and then you'll respond and be like, oh hey, what's up. And that's just kind of their like this seems ever into it and they

don't like like they actually really don't have to. Like you could probably send a girl like like a dog emoji and that would be enough. Like it. Honestly, sometimes for some people it doesn't matter what you sent them. You can send them anything. What's the number one thing you get where it's just like, hey, you're one of everyone if you send me this. UM. I think the one that I dislike the most is when they say, hey, do you mind if I ask you a question. I

know that's painful. I hate that because one of my guests and then they asked me, just asked me the question, like just like let's get to it, because then I have to respond and I have to respond again. Like I don't even want to open up the conversation because it's just it's not even like they're being respectful. It's almost like they're just like pandering. They just like give me attention, like I just want you to respond to me and like ask the question. There's a neediness and

like a desperation laced into that energetically. That's just like off putting. I'm like, oh god, no, I don't want anything to do with that. Like just come on here, ask me your question. I'll rip it right back. Yeah, there's a hesitancy that I'm like, if you do that, I'm I'm not going to even answer you at all. Okay, uh quick. I have to side with one or the other. Is it better to have a good photo like profile photo or a good caption? Which one is going to

catch your attention? More good photo a good photo? So so note to all of our listeners male and female, have a great profile photo. What is a good photo? What constituted? What are the parameters that constitute a good photo that you're gonna be like, Oh, I'm gonna click on this person's profile, They're cute, this big? How can how can you tell? What do you gotta do? I think if it's just like of your face, I think it when people are like smiling or they look happy,

I think that draws me in a lot more. Um, if you can't tell what the person looks like, then I'm also probably not going to like open up dam like I want to see what you look like first, just to know, like who I'm talking to. And especially because there are a lot of like catfish situations where you don't actually know what the person looks like, and so they have like a picture of like their dog or three people, or you don't know who it is, like it's hard to know, Like it's deer put like

a face to their message. If you can actually see what they look like, got you, Yeah, I agree with that. Here's yours. You are lining up a putt. Yeah, well it's a golf page. Come on, I have to have a golf picture. How long have you had the same profile picture? I've had that one for probably three years, three or four years really, m The first thing I had was just like a picture of my face, and I wanted to change it because I wanted to make it more golfy because people were confused if it was

a golf page or not. And so I was like, I need a picture. But I didn't almost want to change it because I felt like it was almost like a bad thing to do, Like are people gonna recognize what my page is anymore? If you like, change the profile picture, it doesn't matter, that's okay, okay, breakdown my profile picture for me. And if this, if this slid into your d M s, would you click on it based on just profile picture or no? You can look at your phone. Um see the hesitancy there's that's that's

not a definite Oh I'd click that. So I'm messing this whole Instagram game up page, you know, only because it almost doesn't look like a real picture. It looks like a picture that you could take off of the internet and like photoshopping, like make it yours. And so I would be like, is that it does he actually look like that? It's not that you look bad, it's almost like it just looks too professional. It looks like

a struction picture. True story, that's a that's just a photo taken with an iPhone, not touched at all, not edited, not nothing. That was something we can all strive to be as good looking as you. Oh yeah, whatever that is. I got my hair cut pictures like five professional cameras and you're just like, it's an iPhone, not even on portrait mode. That one was on portrait mode. So true

story that photo. I had just got my hair cut and I had just got the new iPhone and there was a portrait mode and Jill, who's my style, She's like, let's take a photo of it, and she's like, turned to the side. I turned aside and it just had a black background in the salon um And that was the photo that came out. And I was like, Oh, I like that. That's dope. I'm gonna run with that. It's been on there for like a couple of years. No, it's not like I said, it's not that it's a

bad photo. But if I'm like worried about someone catfishing me, I would probably be like this guy likes like two professional or like good picture instead of like it looks just like a normal person, like you don't look like a normal person there. But if having the blue checkmark, which I do, you would know that I'm not catfishing, so I shouldn't. Also, if you have a blue checkmark, you should have a good photo. You could said nothing,

It could be a blank screen. But if you're saying to a girl's d M, she's gonna be about it, like you don't. You don't have to put any effort into it, is it? Why because of the blue checkmark? No, because you're attractive and like you you're you played played professionally and like you have like your together and like if you just look at your profile and you're like dogs, like you don't have to you literally don't have to do anything. How a thirst trap of you naked cooking?

Come on? Like you know how to do anything? Like so easy. So I've never I've never used d m NG as a tool of day just because I have to um um question. I was going to ask you, Oh, in your d MS, how important is a blue check mark? If you see a blue check mark in your d MS, what percentage of time would you read that message? Probably I got of the time, but mostly because one with like the podcast and being in digital media, like it's just nice to connect with other people, and so I

want to see why they're reaching out. Um. If they're reaching out and I feel like it's like their intentions aren't great, then I'm not going to respond. Just because they have a blue checkmark doesn't mean that I'm going to respond every single time. Um, but I will read the message like it definitely catches my eye. Um, but I'm not like, oh, he has a lot of followers. I'm definitely going to talk to him, Like you still have to send a good message or ask me a

question if you do have a blue check mark. Yeah. Um, let's talk about the podcast. Are enjoying it. I love it. It's been great. It's it's been a challenge for sure because it's something like I've never done before. Um, but it's nice to just have a lot of fun talk about whatever we want to talk about. And it's it's fun. It's great. So it's an iheard podcast. It's called playing Around.

Um have you would have been real quickly, like one positive experience that you've noticed from it and one negative experience that you that was kind of unforeseen coming in. Positive would be just getting my personality out there more people only know me mostly just from pictures that I post on Instagram, and so it's nice that I can show I have a really like goofy silly side that people really didn't know that I had that before. And then one negative is just creating a show that people enjoy.

I think that sometimes when I've gone into like serious topics, people say that it's no fun and I don't want to listen to it. And then sometimes when I'm too silly, then they'll say, like there's no substance. And so usually, like on my Instagram, I can control the comments or

I control like how people receive it. But with a podcast, it's it's hard, like it's your opinions, you know, and if they don't like you or like what you're saying, and it's like they don't really like you, and so it's hard to like create a show that everyone seems to enjoy and have fun listening to. And like, yeah, we try and and it's a dance and I mean, you're we're maybe nine months longer into it than you are on yours on playing around, um, but it's a

dance and we we try and do this. The reason I got into this podcast was to try and add value to the listener. I was like, Okay, how can I positively impact people's lives? Um And one way that that Gavin is amazing on our show I miss you, buddy, miss Gav is that he adds a lot of entertainment.

So you get value and entertainment because, like you said, sometimes that we do want to go into the high level, really thought provoking conversations, and in other days we want to have more conversations like today which is more about d m NG and the one we had about thirst traps, which are just kind of fun too, because sometimes the world just needs to be entertained as well. UM. But I think your podcast is great. I love that you are branching out and challenging yourself in a new medium,

a new format. Um. And for people that that comment on it or are judgmental of it, podcasts are hard. Like you, You're you're literally opening yourself up, your thoughts, your opinions, and anybody out there listening can jab at it in any direction anyway they see different from the way they see the world, so it takes a lot of courage. I applaud you for your courage and for your bravery for coming out and starting a podcast. Um, and I hope you enjoy it because I think it's

really impactful what you're doing. Thank you. Yeah, it's been a lot of fun and I was enjoy coming on this show and adding some entertainment and we get to talk about a lot of really fun things. So I can't wait to see you up your d M game. And I'm gonna laugh. Change your profile picture after this, right right, I'll put something smoothy, just me and my dog, like just something. Um, but you're you're so good. Everything you said was so right, Everything was so fresh, and

you're so right. Um, it can be and I want to encourage our community the the d M format can be a way to meet somebody. Um. For sure, connections, relationships, marriages, families have been birthed out of DM. So um. Any last advice for our listeners? Robbie Hayes our last guest, he said, shoot your shot? He said, Kobe said, shoot your shot? What what last advice could you give our listeners that there may be a little timid or haven't even ever sent a d M? Any advice for our listeners? Yeah,

I mean his advice is great. Definitely just go for it, but be yourself. Don't try to change who you are to get a response from that other person. And so if you're looking at the profile and you can't really find common ground, then maybe it's not worth it too, DM them. So always be yourself, be true to yourself, and send what you want to send, and don't get down on yourself. If you don't get a response, has nothing to do with you, has probably something to do

with them. So if they don't respond, it's not a rejection, it's is It's just the way it is, and move on to next person. Literally, just delete it and move on. Okay, Page Rene, thank you so much. Um. Where can our listeners find you and send you humorous, fund lighthearted DM. Yeah, you can find me on Instagram at page Renee, and then on Twitter and Facebook it's my full name, page Brantic. And then obviously I have a podcast called Playing Around.

It's on my heart anywhere you can get your podcast, so yeah, come find me page They always appreciate you. You're my Instagram slash life coach. Um and for all our listeners, tune into page catch more page on your Playing Around podcast. Thank you, page, be well, stay safe, I hope to see you again sometime soon. Uh and everybody listening, thank you for tuning in until next week. Take care of one another, love one another, and we'll see you back here for another episode of How Men Think