I Want a Boyfriend

You're born in eighty three? Are you thirty seven now? Or are you thirty six? Still seven now? Oh? So you're old? You're older than I am. Yeah, that's you can tell by my maturity. Yeah, clearly I can crate by the way I do feel. Um one, I do feel that you stepped up to this opportunity to have co hosting duties today because you are in a beautiful blue collared shirt with a fresh new haircut, slicked back, looking clean, clean shaven. We also have producer Tori with us. Tori,

doesn't he look clean? I was gonna ask, uh, what was the experience like getting your hair cut? Did you go into a salon? Did you have to wear a mask. The salon I go to typically is still closed. Um so my woman, Terry came to my house, so we did it in the garage. We both wore masks, and yeah, it was it was a necessary thing. I looked like, not good. You look very professional right now, and I want to I want to challenge one thing. I should go a mohawk on your next cut. I will take

that into consideration and get back to you. Come on, I'm gonna Tori. I'm gonna pressure all of the dudes on how men think to unite under a mohawk. A common mohawk for good is what we'll call it. I think. Since we're going to be delving a little bit deeper into Tories dating life, let me ask you this, would you be into a guy with the mohawk? But I don't know. I've never dated anyone with the mohawk. And I don't mind Brooks. I mean, he's got some volume

on his right now. Right I just worked out, so it's kind of like all over the place. But just wait, Tory. In like a week, I have a friend of mine, Jill Bach, who's like the best Jill Is. I love you, Jill, you are the best stylisted l A. She always just I just go to Jill and she just cuts my hair however she wants. I just have full faith in her. She's going to do some gnarly kind of lines in it. We're gonna do something real funky with this mohawk and

just amplify it and turn it up a bit. See. See, it's not a deal breaker for me. I kind of like it now. It's like, I know it's your form of expression right now. You're like, I'm here to mix things up, let's make it fun. It shows you have a good personality. Um, but what about you that deal breaker? Did you think for women? No, I think it. I think if it suits your personality, fine, I don't think I consider myself a mohawk guy. It's just not who I am. So nothing I get to mohawx is just

not my style. He looked he's a little bit more preppy, like you know, the Nanton Red's and an Oxford, not the mohax. You know, he's very you have a very polished and professional look, Ryan. Well, I thought I had to step up the game after the tank top I

wore on the one year anniversary episode. Did you get some blowback from the Ryano Dowt fan club, where the team Ryan Loyalists came out in full forced to support the look as I would have expected they would, and it was just you guys who were very mean to me. And it it hurts, but luckily my support base rallied and here I am today. I'm glad you're here, buddy,

Glad you made it. And I'm also super excited about today's show because producer Tori, who is one of the loveliest and kindest souls I've ever met and enjoy to work with every single day on this podcast. I've always said that our team is one of the best parts

of doing this podcast. Producer Tori is finally willing to open up about her dating life, her personal life, and she's notoriously said she hasn't been looking for somebody, but now you feel that you are ready and have the composure or capacity to bring somebody into your life, or

you're willing to bring somebody into your life. Is that correct, Tory? Yes, I have been someone since honestly I was born that I have almost kind of take pride in the fact that I've never desired to really like date someone do I enjoy dating, Yes, but I haven't been like I need have companionship. And now I'm in this radition and I am like, holy, okay, quarantine, Okay, So let's get into this. So, so we're gonna walk you through Tori's story.

We're gonna dive into tori story, and the whole purpose of this podcast today, Tori, is to just Ryan and I are ears for you. We want to hear your story and offer any insight from a man's mind or a man's perspective, and for our listeners, you might see your story through Tori. Um. So, Tori, can you give us, like give us and give our listeners a little background on if you're okay with this? How old you are, where you come from, and how you when you move

to l a Yeah. So, um, I'm originally from a small town called Grass Valley where people literally have babies at sixteen, and it's in California. It's just like right outside of Lake Tahoe area. And then I moved when I was eighteen to Orange County because my it was

a job shift for my parents. And then I ended up in l A. Um from college and crazy, and I haven't really realized this until honestly a couple of weeks ago that I'm now in my mid twenties, so I'm twenty five, and it's been a little bit of like a quarter life crisis. A quarter life crisis, can

you be more specific in in which way? Um? I think Quarantine has definitely brought to light the fact that like companionship uh is really important because for me, like I'm I'm a huge extrovert, so I can hang out with my friends and have my quote unquote love tanks filled. But now even my friends, um, and even like older parents or family friends or even my cousins, like everyone's separated and quarantined away that I'm now realizing how nice it really would be to have someone in my life

in that way. So I would say the quarter life crisis kind of hit now in Quarantine. So let me ask you this story. Did you what was your dating life like pre COVID and were you finding companionship pre COVID or in that that contrast now being disconnected from those types of people has exacerbated it. Or were you always for the past couple of years kind of not

seeking companionship? Well, I'm someone it sounds funny because I'm not someone who's like a lonely person, because again, I do find companions I think companionship looks deeper than just having someone in your life, Like it's your family, it's your support systems, it's your community and so forth. So

having that all stripped away has definitely emphasized this. But at the same time, like up before quarantine, you know, you're I have a very active job, so I'm able to go to events and like flirt with people or have people be like, hey, like can I take you on a date? And You're like sure, and like you might go on a date knowing like you're not totally interested, but you're still dating and like meeting people. And I was talking to one guy specifically up until about January February.

Um and I kind of which I'm kind of jumping forward a lot, but um, I like work a lot, So for me, I was putting my work first before that relationship. UM, and I use relationship loosely because like we weren't anything official, but we were definitely talking for about like seven to eight months and then UM yeah, So then I put my work first and then that kind of just fizzled out. And then in quarantine, I was like, dang it, Like why do I constantly put

other things before reip. So that's a question I have, and I also want to preface it with this, is that that's completely okay for you to prioritize your work if that is what is priority in your life. And I say that from personal experience from the age of like fifteen un till like thirty when I was like pursuing making the NHL and then the first ten years playing in the NHL, undoubtedly my training and my sport and my career came first in my life. They were priority.

I was very selfish that way. I will say that I was very selfish that way, but it was what I needed to do for me at that time in my life. I knew another stage of life would come at a certain time, but I needed to express myself fully and get every ounce of potential out of my athletic career that I could. And so in that stage of life, I was completely fine with it. I was lonely and alone for a lot of it, but I accepted that that that was my choice. That wasn't something

that anybody else put on me. So that being said, it's okay if you want to prioritize work and career in your life at this stage of your life. If that's what you want, the question is is that what you want? Or was it what you wanted in that stage and now you're just starting to see a little shift in the priorities in your life. Is that what's happening? Um? I don't know, it's it's it's hard to explain because we're living in a situation that no one could have

ever predicted. So I don't know if it's a shift. I don't know if it's just loneliness that I'm feeling. I don't know if it's like I'm just looking to change up something in my life because I don't have control over anything else. So I'm like trying to evaluate all of that as we kind of go through this kind of a thing. I have a question, uh, and I want to get into that Tory think. But Brooks, something you said just begs a question for me, which is, so did you feel like in those how many years

were you in a job? You said over ten thirteen seasons and then we had two lockouts, so fifteen years professional? Okay, But so you you mentioned you were alone for the majority of those years, did you. Was that the case because you made a concerted effort to say, Okay, like, it's a zero sum game. If I'm dating somebody or romantically involved as anybody, it will then be taking me away from my focus on the game and and my job as an athlete, and therefore I won't be the

best hockey player I can be. So I need to just like, there there will be a time when I can go hook up with women, but now I just have to just focus only on hockey. Like, was that the mindset? Yeah, that was my mindset, truly, that was full transparency. That was my mindset. Was I wanted to pour every ounce of intensity and energy, um and time everything I could into dedicating myself to become as good at my craft as I could, to reach as high a level as possible in my craft as I could.

And that was my decision. That wasn't put on me by parents, siblings, friends, anybody else. That was my decision. And so I purposefully just kind of pushed a personal life and a romantic relationship to the back burner. Um, if I came across somebody year found somebody I was intrigued in I would engage as much as I could. Um. That didn't happen for the most part um, And so all of my pretty much every decision in the course of my day was based around what's going to allow

me to perform the best? What am I eating? How am I resting? How my training? What time is the game? How am I pre scouting the next game? You know? How can I be so prepared to execute at the highest possible level? Um? And so I did it, ran fully, I pushed, I pushed personal life to the side for many, many, many years. And then it got to a point where maybe this is what Tories going through. Was around thirty years old. Almost when I hit thirty, where I was like,

I could have the best night at the rink. I could score a couple of goals, be first star, be toasted for in front of eighteen thousand people. But I'd come home and the lights were off, the house was cold, there wasn't another heartbeat in the house, and I had nobody to share that success with. And I was like, ultimately, I was unfulfilled in my life life. And that's when I started to turn for me that wow, life is more than what I do. It's more than my career.

It's about living a fulfilled and happy life and the ability to express love and to receive love. And so then I really made a conscious shift on how do I want to lead my life? What do I want to prioritize in my life? And now family, friends and connection is at the priority of my life. I still have massive career aspirations, but those are secondary to a fulfilling life full of love and laughter. Is that in retrospect? Would you have done it if you could do it

all again, would you do an anchor for life? No? But now I'm at total peace with with all of it, with the amount of energy that I poured into it, I feel like I got every ounce of potential out of myself. I feel like I had the best career. I have no regrets about decisions I made in my career because I know I poured my entire heart into it, and so at peace with that stage of life now, which is really allowing me to enjoy fully this stage.

Did you arrive at that decision part because you saw other teammates that were like you know, they came in, they put our time on the rank, and then they couldn't wait to go out to the clubs and hook up with girls, and you know, you just you saw how that made them less. They didn't realize their potential as a result, So you didn't want to go down that path. No, that had nothing to do with it. No, my realizing my potential was just my journey from the as a child. It was my dream to become the

best hockey player I could. That had nothing to do

with it. But it was really cool to see people that I knew dedicated their their hearts to the game and then go into the family lounge afterwards and pick up their daughter, pick up their son and just play with them and have their eyes light up in a way that I had never seen like they I knew that they poured their heart soul into the game, but then when I really saw them around their families, You're like, Wow, they are happier around their families than they are playing

this beautiful game that we're so lucky to play. And that kind of like include me into two And it just was when I got older. So Tori, maybe that's the stage of life you're entering now where you're realizing, Hey, work is great, I love my work life, but now I have the capacity to bring in welcome in more

fulfillment and joy in my life totally. And I think that kind of what Ryan said to also applies to a non athlete, Like you start hitting your mid twenties, where you see the people still going to the club and like cooking up and or just doing the tender dates or whatever, and then you also have the other half who are like fully, I've had three of my friends get engaged this year. Two of them are pregnant.

So I'm also seeing the like the other side of it where it's like, Okay, well do I want that or do I still want to live like the l a I'm only in my mid twenties. But then it's also the other side of I'm already in my mid twenties, you know what I mean. And so I'm seeing both sides, and I'm like, don't know which one I want because I don't want to have a baby now, Like I mean, I'm literally eating celery and peanut butter for breakfast, Like I'm not I'm equipped to like prepare a baby's meal,

you know. But at the same time, it's like, is that something I need to be focusing more on is like a future of that, Tori, I'm curious about this. So you're does does this play into your into your thought process? This idea of because my wife has a friend who's thirty four, um who who basically is still single, and she's like, she is now in this crisis mode of she really wants to get married and have kids, and she's saying, I'm thirty four, Like how long am

I going to have eggs that are fertile? Like? And so like when am I going to Yeah? And so she's like and we did the math and it was actually really frightening. More like, Okay, if she met someone today, then you're not going to get engaged for at least a year probably for you to know that this is definitely the guy you want to marry, and then your engagement is going to be you know, X long before

the wedding can happen. And then you want to be married for a period of time where you can enjoy each other and not distract kids and everything where life gets real quickly. And so you do this timeline and it's like it's your it's like a five year plan before you can even think about having kids. And yes, you of course in a later stage of life can fast track that. But the point is, um, then you start just thinking like do I need to just settle for anyone now just to ever have kids someday? And

that's not a good way to look at it. But do you have you begun freaking yourself out at the timeline? I mean, you have the luxury of volume being twenty five, but still Ryan wants to know if I've become him and become a warrior, and yeah, one how to sent because for me also, like my whole family extended my grandparents,

they've all gotten married honestly straight out of college. So and I have, um, I would say about sixty immediate family sixty people in there, so I have, like, I mean half of that is so it's like thirty cousins who were married right out of college. And for me, all my siblings met their person right out of college and got married minus my brother, but he's also a man, which is also annoying. They can get married way later and have less stress on that, so he's kind of

the exception. But both my sisters found the person got married out of college. My other sisters got pregnant at twenty four, which is the same as my mom. So it's like I don't know, like should I be there because I don't want to be an old mom who only has two kids. But at the same time, I want to be able to focus on my job and

my career. But then it's so are It's just like I just start spiraling a little bit because I just don't know what the answer is because I know I can't put pressure on it, and like, my body is my body, and it's like all in God's timing if you want to say it that way. But at the same time, I have to be realistic and knowing that like my eggs literally do start dying now, and like thirty five, you risk having health issues and your kids.

So and then if I want to be dating for like a couple of years, I essentially need to start now, and then we'd want to have kids by you, And then it's like you still want to have the honeymoon phase even when you're married and not have kids. I'm so glad to have another Worrior with me. Yeah, I'm out numbered here with two warriors. Your eggs frozen. Now, I know, it's crazy, it's crazy I'm just asking a question. It's not crazy. I don't think it's crazy at all.

You're young and healthy, Like, yeah, yeah, I mean, I think that that's something that as crossed my mind just because I am very career driven and I don't want to be in a position where I've put my career four in the forefront so much that I've missed out on a lot of opportunities, which I think I'm kind of feeling right now even though I'm only in my mid twenties and iself a lot more that I'm excited about.

I think that I take a lot of pride and joy and like my work, like that's what fulfills me. But at the same time, like I don't want that to be the only thing in my life because I don't want to make that like an idol, because there's so many things that could happen, you know, pandemic kids, you could be furloughed, you could lose your job, something could happen, and you know, things just don't work out.

So it has been something that I've thought about and being like, hey, maybe when I'm like twenty eight, I do it. Um Or you're just kind of almost like you have those alliances, Like I literally an alliance with a friend where we're like, okay, we're both single at like forty or like thirty eight, let's just get married

and have babies, you know. Like So I just I don't I don't know what the answer is for that way yet, because also it is very expensive and there are a lot of things to take an account for that, just like health risks and YadA YadA, which will just make me spile more ryan um. But it is something that I have thought about, not as seriously, but it

is something that I've thought about for my future. Tory, I gotta I got a real important question for you, and I call it truthfully, I call it my golden question. Is what I asked myself, and it changes over time, but this is what I asked myself, Like literally every single day of my life, are my daily actions congruent with my life goals? Say one more time, are my daily actions congruent with my life goals? So by that, I mean if I want to be a hockey player,

I can't be playing basketball every day. M hm. You know what I mean. If I want to be a family man, my heart's got to be there, not absent from birthdays and weddings and working all the time and gone building a career. So that's what I asked myself, is what are and then from there I work backwards what are my life goals? Truly like what kind of life do I want to lead? And then I work backward from there, Am I are my daily actions congruent with those life goals? Am I practicing that daily to

build that kind of a life. So when I when I ask you that question, are your are your daily actions congruent with your life goals? It's sort of you have to go on a journey of okay, defining what are your life goals? And then looking back, are you

living a congruence with those? Yeah? Well, I think that I just have a lot to sort through as well, just like internally, because for me this is a huge step, Like I think a lot of people in my situation, especially my age, are now like shoot, especially if you live in a big city or you know you're you're big at the dating apps, like everything was put on

pause and quarantine. So now you're having to just sit at home and basically figure out new things in your life that you want to be working on and so this is something that I'm like, Okay, I've realized, like I do desire companionship, which I've never desired before, like never. There's times I love dating and like I love meeting new people and all stuff, but the idea of commitment, I think has actually been like more of a fear

for me because I struggle with the idea. I think, like, once I'm evaluating all this, that I don't like to be out of control and knowing someone could have control over my emotions and feelings is like really scary to me because obviously there's like rejection that plays into that, or um, you know, having just be vulnerable where let's say two months from now or here from now, somebody's like, yeah, this isn't working out, then I have to you know,

deal with that heartbreak and no one wants to feel that, you know, Like I remember feeling that in high school was probably the last time I've really felt heartbreak, and that was enough for me to probably now be realizing I never really healed from that. MM. Can I want to touch on something that you just said there that

really like struck a chord with me. So I believe someone can only have control you said, like, I don't know if I want to feel out of control with somebody having, you know, control over my heart or my emotions. Somebody only has that control if you give that to them. I believe that individually in our lives, our happiness in our lives is entirely up to us. I believe that somebody can massively amplify and add to your life, but

I don't think that they can. They can only subtract from it if you give them the power to do that. That doesn't mean you won't feel hurt or that you won't feel sadness a little bit, but that that does not Someone will only have the power to make you happy or take happiness from you if you grant them that happiness or if you grant them that power. But also you have to think a lot of men's maturity.

Is it totally like that, Like there is a lot of you know, I'm still am only twenty five, which let's be honest, and if I date somebody my age, you kind of subtract four years maturity wise, And so you're dating like basically younger, and they're not going to handle your heart or your emotions. And in the greater

scheme of things. It's gonna be more like you live day to day and it doesn't work out what doesn't work out, And there's things said, um more unfiltered and like there there are guys who are gonna say things that are gonna hurt you and like that can scar you. So do you typically of all the guys you dated in the past or they always the same age as you? And if more recently dating somebody that's four years older than You've given the ridiculous mathematical equation you just laid

out for maturity levels. Listen, I think women can agree it's pretty spot on what I just said. For you gotta minus the four years. But I will say weirdly, all throughout college I dated at like either my age or a year younger, and then the last guy most recently dated was my age. But I also don't really have that total like older age group friends that could be like, oh, you should like date my thirty year

old friend. You know, it's like i'd have to meet that naturally, like at a bar or like on a dating app, which I'm not on dating apps, I've ryan have you ever heard of like you have to subtract four years. I've never heard of that, No, I think, I mean, maybe it's because we're so mature, we can't. You don't hear these things. I have no idea. Very interesting. I've made a note of it. Okay, so it's interesting

to hear. Tor. So let's say, if a guy is thirty, you kind of just put him as he's twenty six years in maturity? Yes? Is that kind of just a standard, like an operating standard amongst women when talking about dating men. I mean, this is me strictly speaking this into existence, But I when I talked to my other friends, we do come with a consensus like you have to subtract

around like two to four years. Okay. I I don't disagree truthfully when I look and I'm speaking just of experience from myself, Like if you told me that about me, I would probably be like, yeah, I get it. So bops, I think let's we should edit out the beginning of the podcast. Happy thirty third birthday. I just turned thirty three yesterday. Okay, that feels good. I kind of like this.

You're real go see just here to please? Sorry, quick question for you, what what do you think you would prefer in a partner do you have a And I asked this in kind of a lighthearted way, but um, because I believe when you meet somebody, your entire world can change. And I don't believe in boxing boxing your vision in or your your opportunities into one sort of frame or template. But ideally, as you sit today, as we're having this conversation today, what would be a real

good age of somebody that you would like to meet. Well, age isn't necessarily an issue for me. It's the I don't. I mean, I've dated younger and i've dated older. I've dated until like I think he was like, okay, right, yeah that was my sugar daddy. I don't kind in his dating no what I was three year old. I mean I thoroughly enjoyed it. Like your conversations do differ the older you get, Like we had conversations that I have never had with someone like my age on a

first date. Um, and like you know, it's great, Like I could tell you had like way more initiative, which I appreciate, like when we sat down for dinner. I don't know all girls like this, but on a first day I do enjoy um when like a man kind of steps into orders for you like and not like she'll take the steak. It's like, oh, like, do you wanted to do like a bunch of appetizers, because that's me,

I don't necessarily always know what I want. So he's like, let's just get a bunch of like taste testers for the meals. So does order a bunch of things like

you pick some, I'll pick some. And so I appreciated that because which this will actually lead into um, what I did kind of want to get into as well as I I have been reading a book called Why Men Love Bitches and so basically, um, way, hold on, let me pause so I can get up who it's by Sherry Yes, thank you by Sherry Yes argov um, And it's basically on like how to get a man. But all my friends are reading this and like right now it's like back ordered on Amazon. You have to

get it. It's like forty bucks for this book, or you can get it on Kindle for maybe like fifteen sixteen bucks. So it's like a hot commodity right now. So I thought, well, I'll just read it and see what's going on. So one of the pin points is talking about um basically like the whole dinner aspect of it, which I have questions for you guys on this. Um. I hate it when a man says, hey, let's go

to dinner. You picked the restaurant because for me, I don't know, like from if I'm dating someone who's like forty three, he's probably a little bit more well established than a twenty five year old. But also like I think that men can sometimes like do like a subtle flex on a date of like where they want to take you, But when they put it in your court, you don't want to sound like the bitch who's like, yeah, take me to you know, steakhouse or like or like

STK whatever that is. Don't even know um or you know somewhere like West Hollywood. I don't know somewhere fancy. I can even think of something. See, that's my problem is I don't even know. I don't even know restaurants. I eat at home. I love eating at home, and so when it's time to go to a restaurant, I'm like, dang, I don't even know a restaurant to go to. Brooks is like you know, I'm bigging in the super foods. I'll make you this kale keen was smoothie with avocado

ice cream, and then we'll work out. So I will say this tory that I do agree with you that if a man asks you on a date, that he should he should sort of lead. That just my opinion that like, I have a great place i'd love to take you, you know, and and have a mindset of where he wants to take you, or um or make it like a conversation like what is your favorite kind of food? Like I'd love to take somewhere of a food that you like? Um? Oh you like sushi? Okay? Um?

I know these couple of places. Have you been to these before? You haven't been to that one? Awesome, Let's go to this one that would be fun? Um I don't That's how I would maybe go about it. But but like, do men actually want me to pick or would they want me to kind of be like the nice girl who's like, oh my gosh, no, like you pick. I don't care where we go. I'm easy going because

essentially I am. Or does he want the person who's like, yeah, like take me to this nice restaurant, you know, take me to sugar fish, take to these places that you're going to have to drop some money on you know, great sugarfish is so good. I think it is they should be a sponsor. I think, Uh, Nozawa, are you listening? Uh? I think that posing the question is interesting to me because if you're willing to answer it, it's going to tell it's going to give me a little bit more

insight into who you are as a person. So if you're willing to say, yeah, let's go to Mastro's, the most expensive steakhouse and in the country, are you bel like, then I'm thinking like interesting? Like so she that's the type of girl she is. She wants things and like and by by you saying that, I've now seen my future, which is like you want the finest things all the time. Do I want to enter into that. I have my best friend who did exactly this and he's now married

to her. But she she wanted to go to this crazy fancy restaurant and he felt obliged to do so because he was in there and they this is their first date. But I said, this is a red flag. Like, so now the bar has been said this high. You can never go fast, casual or go like middle of the road, because she's gonna want it's expensive five star meal every time, it's a problem. So then but then

do men also do this? Do men also then undercut that first date and take him to like just kind of a middle of a road restaurant because they don't want to backpedal from a high end one. I think, what you what my thought process would be, take take you somewhere that is, I would do exactly what you said, Bruce. I'd say, like, do you like what do you like

Italian sushi? Like you give me the the type of cuisines that are are interesting to you, and then I'll know what the best places to take you within that John Us. So if you say sushi, like I'm gonna take you somewhere that's not a chain, that's not ridiculous, but that you may you probably have never been that, you're gonna be like, oh wow, like he took me some or not mainstream. He put thought into it, like

I think. Also the hard part is like girls love to be romance and I think that's definitely a lost art happening in our generation. And so it's like you kind of do want the guy to be like, yeah, let's get to Mastros, Like I want to treat you right, But now it comes with the fact of Okay, are you're just taking me to masters to have a nice dinner to like, does that mean now like sex is in the back of your mind, where like I do have to like you would have to put out on

the first date. Like it just has made things so confusing. Like I don't know if you guys can speak on this, but like taking a girl to a nice date in the past, has it been like I'm going to romance her quote unquote, but like this is going to lead to sex because now I'm dropping some money or at least in the hopes of that. Um. The hangup I have here is that it's date one on date one, like if I don't know, it's just like I'm a

traditional guy, like to consider myself a traditional guy. Like date one is should be fun, energetic, playful and like just have a fun time and and the atmosphere of surroundings whatever that can add to that, but that's kind of secondary to like the person you're with and the interaction Like date one could be could be, Um, anything could be a fun activity that doesn't have to be like going out for supper. You know, I think that's also a lost start. People think going on a date

has to be just going for supper with somebody. Will you sit down and you just converse with them? But like, what if you're active with somebody, doing something fun and playful and laughter and there's actually an activity that you can bond over versus just sitting and eating. Yeah, like what if you have to pull up bars and you're both just like talking and getting to know each other. I hope you're doing pull ups or you know, something like that. But this but this is like a serious

question though. It's like, how quickly in let's say, you're like really physically tracked to this girl, are you kind of like looking forward to that or like wanting to Because we have to realize we're in the hookup culture now, so for us, it's like you do things for that transaction. I have I have a friend who about a week ago, I was having a conversation with him and he told me a story, um, how he was really into this girl, super into this girl, and he goes, the biggest mistake

we made was we had sex on night one. He said, that was the biggest mistake. He goes, then, I was just for some reason, just kind of not into her, even though she was wonderful, I was just kind of not into her, and he goes, I bet if we would have waited a couple of weeks, there was a chance of a relationship there. But for some reason, it just kind of rocked his boat that they had sex on night one and then they never neither of them

pursued any more relationship from that. I think. I think what Tory is saying is fascinating, and I think there's so much to unpack in terms of like, if you go to the really fancy steakhouse, do do you then owe this guy's like some sexual favor as a result, And like, yeah, if you were to the Dungeoness crab cocktail on the lobster Yoki, I mean, there may be some expectations there and then you're like, is it worth the meal? If I then have to owe this guy

is something at the end? What if I don't like him? Now I'm gonna feel the guilt. It's almost like now if they say mastros, is that a red flag? Is that automatically you saying great, this guy is going to just expect something out of me at the end of the day. It's a great question. But that is interesting about your friend because I was going to ask my second faulup question would be honest with me, You guys,

be very honest. Do you actually judge girls? Because I know you always like be a free spirit, be who you want, But do you actually judge girls for sleeping on the first date? You personally, if you hear someone saying, yeah, I was really into him and like we slept together, are your first gut instincts saying good or like eikes? Um, I'll go this way. To be truthfully honest, I would go sixty kind of yikes. But I try not to judge people. Um. I had a strength and conditioning coach

who hooked up with his now wife. They have three kids. Um, on the very first night married, just kind of knew that they were. I don't know they that's just their journey went like that. So I'm not saying it can't work. My you asked me honestly to answer this question. I'm like, like,

because I'm I'd like to consider myself a traditional guy. UM, so I'm kind of like initially jarred, like maybe that's not the best for the long term, but um, just how I feel, but I don't hold any judgment against it. Answer gut and and I've seen with my own eyes it works out in somebody's life where they are life partners and have built a family together. Brian. Uh, I'm of a similar mindset. I think every situation is completely different.

I tend to like, if I really feel like I care or will ultimately care deeply about this person, like and I view her as potential life material that I am less inclined to want to rush it on the first night, just have sex, Like I'm saying, like, because I think this could lead to something life changing, I'm gonna slow play it to a to a degree so as to not jeopardize that. Well, Brian, you have kids, So let's say your your kids come home one of

these days saying hey, Dad, like, yeah this happened. Are you feeling like, yeah, okay, that's like your that's your situation. Or would you be like, I don't do that again. Uh? So what my son comes home and says, I just had sex with this girl on the first night, Yes, and he was like, I don't really know if I was into her, but we slept together. Is he then

saying why? But I am in love or like I really think there's a future here, Like I guess I would just be like, okay, you know after I high five to him, I would I guess it would just be like, you know, play it out, Like just because it happens doesn't mean you've now put a nail on

the coffin. You you could have felt such a strong connection that there is a connection you've never felt ever before that led you to doing this, and that that connection will remain from that day forward unbreakable when you end up with them. Who knows? So Like, I don't think it's like trying true role that if you do that on nine one that like you're doomed for failure at all. I think there's plenty of examples where that

has happened in people of have long, great relationships. Definitely, tory Um, what what kind of qualities or characteristics are you looking for in a partner? One of the top three qualities that you're looking for, um, Well, obviously someone with like morals, because like I have a faith, and so I would love someone that has like the same kind of like morals or at least something that they believe in passionately. Um. The second one would be personality.

I am like, I need to have a good personality and want to be outgoing and fun, which is hard to find. Okay, yes, because defined personality like I like life of the party, energetic, I'm someone who's like never never stops, and people always like, oh you need to do the opposites attract, but for me like opposite. I've

dated opposites and I am so bored, so bored. Um. I would would rather have someone who's like very similar to me and like being outgoing where we maybe both burned out, being like we're exhausted, but like let's keep going and I don't know, but um, and that could just be the young meet because also, again you know, talking about characteristics, like this last guy that I talked to, he was amazing. He was like he could honestly get married tomorrow. But for me, I was like, Okay, if

I was thirty, this would be the guy. But where I am at like I'm just not there yet. Okay. But that brings me to another question I have for you guys. So dating in the past, one of the worst lines I've been told is you're not the girl I marry or sorry, you're the girl I marry and I'm just not ready for that right now? What the hell does that line mean? Because it is my biggest pet peeve because I'm well, I'm not looking for marriage either, Like that's so much pressure to put on me. Is

that just the line to cop out? And like, be honest? Is this a cop outline? Is this something that like generally guys feel because they feel, um, be intimidated or they're not enough for the person, or is it just they don't have any other words to say? But like, I don't want this to go on anymore. I think it's I think it's a garbage line by a guy. If that's a guy that gave it to you, I

think it's a garbage line. I think what he's really saying is like I think, actually what he's saying is you're actually a better person than I am at this moment, he's actually seeing truth and honesty in you. And he's like, I'm not there yet. I'm an idiot. I want to run around as a dumb, young, dumb kid here for a while. Um, I wish I had your kind of

clarity on life and presence and commitment. Um, but that's if if those words were to come out of my mouth, that's probably what I would be saying, Ryan, what do you think there? I think you're I think yeah. He's basically saying, it's I can boil it down to this. He's basic saying, like I just want to hook up. I want to have like I want to just hook up right now, Like I don't even want to think

about long term. But the when you decode that, that basically implies that men that that a woman could never have the same mindset right, Like to your point, sorry that you you yourself could never be in a position where you're like just wanting to hook up and also not wanting to think about marriage, and therefore that the two of you would actually be great for each other in that moment because you both want the same thing, right, But it's this warped mentality of like a woman could

never just want to fulfill that aspect and not be thinking about wanting to like buckle down and like commit to some long term thing. What do all men think that woman just date for marriage? Uh? I would say no, um, And I was actually just having this conversation the other day. I have a friend who is in her thirties and has said she's not looking for a lifetime partner right now.

M hmm, she's she's actually just having fun. Um, she's really since the since COVID has happened, she's really stopped dating. But she was kind of dating until like January favorite and stopped it. And she's like, I'm actually super enjoying this time, just reading a lot, working on myself, Um, discovering a lot about myself, and like, I'm not searching or seeking a lifetime partner right now. That doesn't mean I don't want one in the future, but um, right

now I'm not. And she's in her thirties, So I wouldn't say I don't think men look at that. I think there's a societal connotation somewhat that that's but I think it's misinformed or ill informed. But I think that is present where guys tend to think that women just want to get married, but having friends that that I have actually as like they don't. Not everyone does. It's an individual. You can't just paint a broad stroke across every woman wants to get married, because it's not true.

They all don't right now. Um, same with guys. Some guys take a while more to find. Took me till my thirties almost to find the capacity to want to welcome a committed relationship like other guys. I have another friend who was married at the age of twenty r has three beautiful boys. Like married at the age of twenty, and he found that purpose in that happiness ten years

before I did. So. I don't think we could just paint a broad stroke over men men this way and women this way, um, but I would say that, yes, what you're asking, does that is that somewhat of an underlying connotation in society? I would say yes. I really think it's like, are you asking like are you overpear it? Every case is different. Are you like asking a ton of questions that are leading him to believe like you want to settle down immediately? And if you're not, then

there's no reason to assume that. And by the way, the guy who said like you're more wife and a you real like in his mind, I genuinely believe he thinks he's giving you a compliment like and obviously it's not received that way, but like I generally believe in his he's twenty five, so that's he's twenty one. Maturity wise and his twenty one year old infantile man brain.

He's thinking, like, that's such a nice thing for me to say the tory, Like it's reverse psychology, like she's going to eat that up that I'm calling her wife even more, and then like here we go. That is so funny. I feel like that's okay. That brings like clarity a little like to that situation. Yeah, I know that's the hard part. I think that no matter what you say to a woman, like if it's some form of rejection, I think that I would rather have, oh

it say, I'd rather have the harsh truth. But then I do know someone else that one of my best friends, she was dating a guy and he was like, I am just physically not attracted to you. That's just like why we can't forego this and it and it's still like haunts her to this digs. It's like, am I now just like never physically attractive to another male? So it's like, I don't know, do I want the more passive aggressive line with an underlining meaning or do I

want them more upfront. I don't know. It's a great question. I've said this many times in this podcast that I believe that people can take good news and bad news as long as it's delivered honestly and truthfully. And so like, you're the guy that just told your friend like, I'm sorry, I'm not physically attracted to you. Um, it's he's he's actually being honest there. Now, how he says it, how he delivers it, I think there's a lot to be put in the stock of how he delivers it. He's like,

I'm not physically attracted to you. That's like almost a that's like an attack on the person that that's just a discussing way. But it's like your heart is beautiful. I'm just I'm sorry, I'm not physically attracted to you. It makes my stomach turn. Yeah, I know, but it's but it's the same. I read this book recently, um the Four Agreements. I think it's called the Four Agreements, and it says, never take anything defensively because I could tell you you're beautiful, and how you receive that is

how you receive that. You can say you can make yourself feel great with that, or and on conversely, I can tell you I'm not attracted to you, and you can make yourself feel like unattractive with that. So, so it's like, never take anything, even compliments, like words are just words, and it's the emotion you get from them comes from the power you give them. So your friend is giving this guy so much power when he said he's not physically attracted to her, Like, do you think

you're physically attracted to every person in this world? Is that what we think is happening every single person, that you would be physically drawn to all of them. No, some you're gonna prefer some you aren't going to be attracted to physically. It's just you know, so why so she's taking that defensive that there's one i I I out of four billion guys is not physically attracted to her. I Mean the flip side is this is like, I agree with you, it's all on the delivery. But it's

an interesting point. You make books in terms of just like being honest, and if he were to say, you know, it's just not working out, and you know it's just not working out, that is incredibly vague. And now she's left to try to make sense of what that actually means, like what isn't working out like and she can't. She may never be able to get over it because she can't.

She has no clarity when when he is direct, assuming he does so in a eloquent way and not a like when I look at you, I want to vomit. It's not the line. I'm just I'm having a tough time with our physical connection, at least as tough as that is on the surface to hear and immediately to process when you take a step back, I think ultimately she can be a appreciative to at least now, Okay, there's nothing I could have done about that, and now

I can move on. It is what it is, because she's also what she's doing there, and I'm not trying to attack your friend in any way, but what she's

doing there, she's making his comment about herself. Yeah. Well, I think the hard part that I left out is they had already slept together and like been together for a long time, so then it brought it led up to this moment of him being like, listen, this just isn't working out, which I understand because I think that usually people are more physical attractive base and I think

they were more like, uh, friendship compatible. So that carried through a lot, and then at the end of the day when he was like, Okay, is this something I can really forego? It's like, Okay, I'm not physically attracted to you. Okay, so that yeah, that context is different. Um, but just kind of leave that statement for where it is, Like he said he's not physically attracted to you. That has nothing to do with you, that's his Can you

not take that person? Like that? Just sucks. It's like something that you literally cannot If you would have been like listen, like you're too clingy, that's one thing. But to be like you're I'm physically not attracted to you, You're like, like there's nothing I can fix on that. We asked like this without coming off as insensitive, like did she change physically from the time that they first hooked up? No? No, I got what you're asking. No,

she's like they're both athletes, both in great shape. He just hit this moment. So, Tory, here's here's where I'm coming from on this and why I have this perspective and maybe this has helped shape my life. Um, I've been traded three times in my life in professional sports.

So that's essentially saying we don't want you, we want that other guy on that other team instead of you, and we're going to give them, give you them so we can get you, or give you, give them to you so we can get him, so he's we value him, or and we don't even really know him yet. Well, that's happened to me three times in my life and by an organization that I spent twelve years there, twelve

years of my heart and soul. So if I'm going to take that as an attack on me that you guys don't like me, you blah blah blah, like I'm giving them so much power versus just saying, Okay, they see me, they know who I am. I'm not the fit for them, That's okay, that's okay, But that's not a slight on me, because I know how I showed up. I know I am who I am. This is the effort that I've put in, and if I'm not the fit for you, that's okay. It takes some time to

develop that muscle. I've also been dumped in my life. I've also been I've been in a relationship and been dumped, So that's okay. I'm like, okay, that's okay, I'm gonna leave it. I'm going to accept your words or your actions, and I'm not going to take them defensively, but I'm going to I'm going to just accept that that's how you feel. Otherwise, I'm trying to control everything in this world and have everything lined up the way that I wanted. So, Brooks,

you got did you get traded? Who did the Capital's trade you to Toronto? Okay? So as at glast half full guy? Could you not say to yourself that rather than saying the Capitals didn't want me and so they traded me for this other guy, you could look at it as like, Wow, the Toronto Maple Leafs wanted me so much that they were willing to part with ex

player in the trade so as to get me. That's how desirable I am as a player that that organization would go to such great lengths to trade one of their guys to get me like that, that seems unless you're saying, who was the guy that I was traded for? And am I better than him? And you know, yeah, you're right, then that's it's the power that you give to the words or the actions that are in front

of you that are coming from another party. Right. But if I could bring this back to the like the dating realm for quick second would be like this, okay, this is I feel like how girls would take like take that call like, um, anything physical that maybe you're not attracted to them. Um, you're getting a girl, you guys are having sex whatever, and she just goes, listen, I need to break up with you. You're just too like you're down there, your penis is too tiny. I'm

so sorry. It's just not working. You're just kind of like, well, what am I supposed to do? Fix that? You know what I mean? So it's like it's just how do you not take it personal? They're literally like attacking. It's almost like a character like I feel like men take a lot of pride in they're like their package. And then now you're just saying it's not good enough. It's like, yeah, sure I'm fine, and that one man's trash is another you know, man's treasure. What do you want to say?

But it's like, how do you not take that personal? That example you gave, I think I can't. I'm gonna let Brooks take that one. I'm sure he's delicate. Um, Tory, what it's it's not ever say well, Tori, I want you to be six ft six. I don't like you because you're not six ft six. You're like, well, I can't change that, but it's it's different. It's not like a height thing you'd be like, I get it. I'm tall, and I don't think I would date a short guy. I don't think I would feel feminine enough to date

a short guy. Like, to be completely honest, well, what's wrong with somebody having preferences. It's not wrong, it's just like it's different. When you attack like it feels attack of like your humanity. Girls are sensitive, we can be we're tough, like, we can be the bitch that a man wants, but we still have things where like I just don't know if you could totally say you're not attracted to a woman, I get that, But you just said,

like you want an outgoing guy. Should that be attack on like an introverted guy that he's not good enough, he's not outgoing, his personality is not enough personality for somebody. We're shaping arguments here, we're framing arguments. I do think I get what she's saying, because you can be introverted and if you know that you're the person you're dating would prefer you come out of your show a little

bit more like and be more of an extrovert. You're never gonna be a full on extrovert, but you can.

There's an ability to change. Whereas the micro penis example, or and this is this is what you're gonna get, there's no there's it is what it is and you can't, unfortunately ever change that, whereas like personality things and behavioral things, you can if you devote yourself to it, you can change so that I do I understand, like how you could really take it personally, My wife's best friend dating a guy with a micro penis, and ah, if he only knew the amount of they've since of broken up

with the amount of jokes that were made about him. I mean, I'll be honest. I texted her after my first son was born and said to her, hey, just cleaning giving him as for spath, like cleaning his penis, Like, I've never dealt with the penis. That's small. Can you tell me how you're a bad as your boyfriend? She got, all right, that's probably could. I felt fine doing No. I hate cheaters. But to bring it to another question

for you guys, intimidating that word is something else. I've been told like, like you're kind of like other girls have told me, like you're kind of intimidating or whatever, and that's never been something that I take pride in. But in this book it says like men are attracted to women who are intimidating, But like, is that true?

Are you? Are you more attracted to the woman who's could be maybe like a stay at home, go with the flow wife, or are you attracted to the woman who's like a powerhouse, like knows what she wants and like gets career oriented, YadA, YadA. I'm you asked me this question. I am processing the word intimidating, and I'm trying to think of what what characteristics or presence of female A woman would have to have to be intimidating to me. I like this, tell me what they are?

And I don't know. I don't know, Like, um, truthfully, I don't know what what's that? Ryan? I can tell? I think it's a really interesting question. I would say that three qualities would be um, beauty, wealth, and power, like any one of those three things, or the most intimidating person would be the person who possessed all three of those attributes. Beauty, wealth, and power. They're all intimidating. So that attractive to you or not attractive? You know,

it's attractive. It's absolutely attractive. Yeah, Like I mean, here's what I would say, Like I think, if you, I mean to if like you're so career driven, career or in you you do great things with your job or in your job, that's attractive, right because like I don't I personally could never be attracted to someone who didn't have career aspirations prior to us meeting and prior to being married, and just wanted to immediately find a guy settled down and and had no drive and as long

as they had that drive and then had to change course once life got in the way and we had kids and stuff like that. Like that's completely different. But I think it's very attractive to have drive and to have power or any one of those three three things I mentioned. I agree with the drive part, the power part. It's very subjective. Well in terms of intimidation, though, you wouldn't say you could be intimidated by someone who has a tremendous amount of power. I don't know, like what

what kind of political power? What? What? What are you giving power. The word power, Like if you met Michelle Obama, for instance, would you not would you not admit that there it would be because of the power that she has and who she is, and or Oprah Winfrey, Like you get what I'm saying, Like there isn't aura of intimidation. I think because they have so much power. I see

what you're saying. Do you think that the people who are more and I have a follow up question to this, but the people who are more intimidating, though, I think, have a harder time dating. So basically like being successful, being driven, I think takes you into a different almost era of dating where you do have to wait to date older because younger guys aren't going for intimidating girls. So if you guys could, like think of a celebrity,

because I think it'd be interesting. So Ryan, you've said, kind of like Oprah or like Michelle Obama is someone that you would think is like intimidating. But who do you think is intimidating in your eyes? And would you ever approach that person? I'm trying to think right same with you. You have to think of someone else. I'm trying to think of somebody who I would be like intimidated by I would I would just clarify, I don't think Oprah she's great. I don't think she possesses all three.

I'm not as physically attracted to Oprah. I would say, but like get like Beyonce j Low, I'd say, they have all three. They have they have power, they have beauty, and they have wealth all it's the holy trend of intimidation at all. Right, But would you ever go up to that person and approach them if they were sitting next to each other like a football game, and you were like, this is my time? Would you take advantage

of it? It all depends on the guy. I would because that excites me that those butterflies of being like this is like somebody who's what. Let's go back to what the guy saying, you're more wife material In the guy's mind, when he's telling you, you know, you're intimidating, that's a compliment. He's saying, you're you could be perceived to be out of his league because of all those attributes,

and he believes that's a compliment genuinely. Um. But some guys are fearful of that and they want to just they want to be able to be with someone who's who's beneath them so that they can control that. I don't know, that's a whole another thing. But I think it's exciting to pursue somebody that's out of your league or that's intimidating, because that's so interesting to me though,

because it's like, that's not the dating scenes. And I almost don't believe you because I think that like men would rather go for the easy option, which is definitely more of a trait in in my generation. It's like what's easier and more convenient. It may not be long lasting, but that's the one they're going to initially go for. Maybe maybe that's an insecurity in the man because if this woman has, as Ryan says, beauty, wealth and power,

she's undoubtedly got options. Right with that undoubtedly going to come options, And so maybe the man is thinking like I can't get her, she's too good for me, or she's I'm scared, Like maybe I'll go for somebody that has less options because that's gonna make me feel more secure. Yeah, I mean, I think the guy doesn't want to face rejections. So if you go for someone who's intimidating you have a higher likelihood of being rejected, which makes you feel

bad about yourself. So yeah, you you are inclined to go for the short thing that won't reject you. But like you read about this in all the magazines, by the way, like not a sure thing that person could

reject you anyway. You know then, And I will also say this that I've I've been fortunate in my life to meet many, um people that are very successful, that are very beautiful, that are very wealthy, um, just through my community here in Los Angeles, and a lot of them are the most kind and generous and grateful and

warmhearted people have ever met. I think that we're giving a misconnotation to people that are successful or maybe beautiful, or have a platform or something that that they're untouchable or intimidating, when actually know all they want to do is love. In this world, all I want to do is welcome people into their circle. And I'm sure that's examples of the opposite, but I in my life have witnessed those kinds of examples as well. It's the credentials

that are intimidating. It's not the person themselves once you approach them, it's about getting to the balls to approach them. That is the most intimating thing. But then once you connect they are people too. When you read about it in US Weekly, it's like it's interviewing an actress who's you know, gorgeous, and it's like they're single. Why are

you still singles? Like nobody ever approaches me, Like I don't know, And I always roll my eyes at that, but I guess it's true, like because of how intimidating they are, nobody wants or thinks that they would have a chance, so they just don't deal with them. Tori,

do you get approached often? I mean, like if I'm at a bar for let's say, like a night, I'll have like someone like maybe it's just it's hard because it's like I do get a pro but it's never somebody that I would like, really want to talk to. It's always a person when you're like really man, like you're up to my shoulder or like you're eight years old. It's like kind of like we missed the marker a lot um. But like I do go on dates or like I'll get set up or things like that, But

I wouldn't say I'm like the most approached person. No, do you do you feel that you have anything to do with that? And knowing you, I feel the answer is no. But like you know how some people give off an energy like don't come near me, and the other people just give off an energy like they're warm and bubbly and welcoming of people into their circle. I

believe you're the because I know you. I've known you for a year now, and you are the latter to me, But um, do you believe that that's any part of it or you're like, No, I I'm warm everywhere I go, And I definitely think I'm warm wherever I go because I genuinely love humans. Like I said, I'm an extrovert

to the max. Um, but I will say, like my mom calls me emotionally unavailable a lot because to really know me, Like even some of my best friends are like I still don't know if I totally know Tori. And it's because like I am just not someone who like can completely let my guard down or like want to share life with you, because first of all, like opening up to people, like it's just awkward in general

because you know the person can't totally help you. You know, It's like I could say, hey, I'm feeling insecure about myself even like dating. It's like a guy can tell you're beautiful, but you're I almost here opposite because it's like, I know I struggle with that and like your words aren't going to do anything for me, but you think like you need to hear affirmation, and then you hear and it's not good enough. So I just don't really open up about things like that because it doesn't make

me feel good. So I internalize a lot more um rather than like let people totally in. So I will say I'm initially like, I'm always very warm, I'll always be there, I'll always be very extroverted. But to really get to know O me, I think, is where I can come off as like a closed door mm hmm. You don't have any there's no body order issues or anything that might be it too, honestly does add it to list? Ryan? Thanks, I'm just trying to cover everything here, okay.

And by the way, the eight year old that approached you at the bar like the seventy six mentally and that's not too bad, that's true, You're right, Shoot, we missed opportunities, uh, Tory, I'll say from a from my standpoint, as I want to say, guys standpoint, but I don't know if it's true. But from my standpoint, like I think, Um, I think kindness is so attractive. I think somebody with

an open heart is so attractive. Um. And conversely, I think somebody with a closed heart that is really fighting hard or like that to me is off putting. It's very off putting. I'm like, what is the struggle? What are you fighting against? Like, I'm I'm here to open my heart to you and to be on your team and to be together in this and you're you're fighting

to keep me out? Like what that? That's not attractive to me, just speaking from my own and I get I get that when people open up, there's a possibility one there one, there's a possibility that somebody is truly going to see you. Right when you open up, somebody was truly going to see you. Um. And I've really only learned a lot about this since our dogs passed in September, because I broke my heart wide open where

I couldn't protect anything. And I've cried probably five times since our dogs passed, Like just emotions come and they come now, and I'm so grateful for that that I don't have the I don't know if it's the will or even the ability anymore to try and suppress emotions where everything comes right through my heart and I'm fully transparent and and people in the room can see and feel that. And if that means I cry in front of a bunch of dudes, I cry in front of

a bunch of dudes. It's just real. Um. But that just recently came to me through a tragic event in my life. But having like knowing that now, I love to see somebody's heart. I love to see somebody's heart, and not to me is extremely attractive. Yeah, if you're emotionally unavailable, I don't have time for you. Like it's like I'm gonna, like I'm trying to get establish a connection here or pursue what could be a connection, and if you're closed off, then I'm not gonna waste my

time trying to like convince you to open up. Like it's a mindset, commit to this and let's go totally. Now. I appreciate hearing that, because I think that I do need to hear that, But I feel like, at the same time, again, I hate to just keep saying like my generation, because I think that it does apply to all men though, but like I never in my head when I think of like the male population, it's not in like the highest standard necessarily, and it might be because now I'm in l A and l A. It's

definitely hard to date. But when I think of men, I'm like, do you actually want to get to know me? Or is this just a way for you to like, because then it's like, okay. Then if you have the overly overly emotional girl or someone who's just like opening up or like bears all to you, then it's like, oh that's too much and like that's overwhelming or she's crazy. So it's like it's hard not to be on that spectrum.

And like I would rather be the easy going girl who still knows what I want, but like the easy going like you don't need to be involved in all that aspects until maybe your one or whatever. Being dramatic, but I would rather like hold out than be called or like in that stigma like a crazy woman, you know, or the crazy girl. It's a tory. This is great. I want to just appreciate you for opening up your questions and your thoughts are real, and they're challenging me

to really think deeply on this. It's actually it's a fair point, touche. I think there's like, yeah, on day one or week one, do you want to unload all of your deepest, darkest issues. Probably not, But there's a happy medium towards being open and then you know, in time kind of it's just a slow burn, I think is what it has to be. Yeah, I agree with Ryan.

I agree with you there, buddy. Um. I also think one word that I've been focusing a lot on in my life lately is intent, intent and in coded energy, like what's when you go on a date? What's your intent? How are you showing up energetically on this date? Is it for true connection to really discover this person, to learn about this person, to connect with this person and share share yourself or is it like hey, I'm just bored.

We're showing up to have some fun tonight and we're gonna just and whatever happens happens kind of, you know. And so something I've been focusing on in all areas of my life, not just personal but career as well, being on this podcast, like what is my intent here? And and the more you the more that I found that I focused on that, the better radar I have

of somebody else's intent. And if I like, if I go, say it's even just a business meeting or say whatever, I can tell if somebody just wants something for from me they're like, yeah, yeah, I want they want something from me, Or if like they want to do something and partner on something with me, because we could make something amazing and serve the community you with it. You know, like the radar becomes better for what is this person's intent?

And I think if you lead with your intent on a date and as Ryan said, a little bit of a slow burn, don't come out and tell me everything that's gone wrong in your life and and try and like share all of that. Like, let's let's get to know each other, let's discover the other person, share drip a little bit of myself. Let's see if this connection is working. And I'm actually here honoring you, honoring getting to know somebody new and in return respecting that you're

there in the same facet that I am. And I'm going to open myself up to to honor your honor. You know what I mean? Um, I just believe in intent and encoded energy so much in our presence and living that way has really opened my radar to how other people are showing up in front of me. M hm. Does that help at all? Does that make sense? Only?

I think it's something that like if I could pinpoint one thing in dating is like to do that to like open to be more like vulnerable and like when people want to actually know something to not give like the I'm fine answer. It's just again, it's hard because there's so many double standards, like we just discussed the like crazy versus like I'm not going to deal with you if you're not gonna open up to me or

like be in it or be you know. So it's just it's just it's just why dating is so freaking hard in this generation because there's so many like pros and cons to each one. And and when I evaluate, I know that I would rather I get I don't even know if I could say that, but like I would rather I guess be heartbroken and like at least like try to risk it to to open myself up.

But then the idea of being heartbroken and it's just like it's so brutal, like heartbreak is so brutal that I don't I don't desire to go there, and I'd rather just be like be lonely. But then it's like I'm not gonna lie. Like a couple of weeks ago, we were I mean like there's been like this quarantine kind of group. We've been bouncing back and forth between and like this guy kind of came back and like we didn't have sex or anything, but like we definitely

messed around. But then I woke up the next morning and I was like, well, this doesn't feel good, you know. And so it's like I'm just I feel like I'm like losing in so many different areas that it's like I would I guess I would rather have heartbreak than like wake up with someone that I'm like, I don't really feel good about that, you know, m But it's just hard because it's a yeah, it's a dance. And and Tori, I also give you credit your twenty five.

Like Ryan and I are both thirty seven, that's twelve years of life experience. And and I honestly like I honestly the more I hear myself talk and have this discussion I had, I would even put that four years that you discount men to even to tend for me, you know, like, um, like when I was in my mid twenties, story, I had none. I wasn't asking I wasn't even asking myself these questions that you're asking, Like, I think you're evolved in so far head at least

just from my own journey. Like I feel I'm a late arrival. I'm a late arrival to everything, is how I feel. Truly, Yeah, I just feel that way. I feel like I wish I had more emotional capacity earlier in my life. I wish I had so many more things, And I see I have many friends in my life.

Like you're twenty five, I think you're so far ahead of the trajectory, you know, to even be asked, to have the awareness to ask these questions and be seeking these things, um versus just like you're you're you're asking yourself how to offer this amazing How can I offer this amazing person to somebody. That's a journey you're on.

That's why you read, That's why you're like, you want to know more about how to connect with somebody and offer a great version of yourself to somebody versus just saying I need somebody to fix me, like somebody or not to fix me, but something definitely, you know, like just that that intent and quoted energy it's self is just like your miles ahead. It took me. It took

me decades to learn that. This whole time, truthfully, I thought to myself, this is probably the first time I've ever had I noticed this in depth and lengthy type of conversation with you, Tori, Like we've never so everything has been fairly surface level, surface level, superficial. It is what it is worth. That it is. That that's what it is. But I have been sitting standing here thinking to myself, like Tory is amazing, and now I'm like, I need to find somebody for her because she's amazing.

Like I I like have found myself being like this is the type of person you would want your best guy friend to end up with, given all the things that I mean that I really do. So now I'm like, wheels are spending up like who I've worked with, who would be perfective? And all the things she wants, like who's not going to take her to master? I was like all these, but honestly I'm blown away by everything you said, and like to his point, how mature and

just dynamic you are from just this conversation. So credit to you. Thank you. I'm going to send that clip to my mom and say, Mom, I'm emotually available. No, I really appreciate that. Um Tory, I'd like to ask you one And this is a hard question, but it's a real question, and it's I'm asking I'm asking you this question because I love you and I care about you. What is your biggest fear about opening up to somebody you truthfully in your heart? What is your biggest fear? Well,

I think for me, I'm the youngest. I have three older siblings. Um, I always call myself like the like the car seat bay be so like my whole life I've been I've been the one people express their emotions like emotions too, but no one has ever really tended to ask me like hey, are you doing okay? Or like what do you want to do? So I and I don't resent anything, like I haven't amazed my parents

are married, like everything's healthy. But it's just like I've realized, like now I'm just used to being that person where like the idea of being like hey, how are you and me giving an honest answer is like genuinely really hard for me. So I think my biggest fear is like getting into a relationship and being like I can't escape or like give you shallow answers, because like that's

not how a relationship works. So having to like have somebody fully entern and do life with me is like a huge jump off the cliff that I would have to take with that person two that I've never done honestly with like anyone. And then I have a fear that like as soon as people get close to me,

like they just want to leave. So it's like and I think that might come from me moving at a young age, like that was so scarring because I came from a small town and like moving to Orange County and then like not feeling enough or or being good enough, you know, and in like l A you have like Instagram models and YadA YadA YadA. Like there's just there's a fear of like being fully vulnerable and like having someone have to like almost deal with me scares me.

Mm hmm. One, I just want to say thank you for sharing um, because that's part of it right there. You opened up to me, You open up and ship to me. And and the fact that you one are aware of your biggest fears and two are willing to share them, that's a wonderful blessing. That's the first step

in the right direction. UM. I'd be interested to unpacked We don't have to do it today, but like be interested to unpack any of that childhood stuff that you referenced, any of the family stuff that you rest with your reference because I think of shapes us. You know, it's shapes. It shapes our perspective of the world. It shapes how we we think people perceive us. Its shapes aspects in our life. UM. And so it'd be interesting to dive

into that stuff further. But I acknowledge you for sharing that. And it's very true what you said is, Um, you will truthfully, to be honest with you, you will be challenged, because I have fallen in love truthfully in my life. You will be challenged to step off a cliff that you are scared of, that that you that is uncomfortable to you, That is fearful. UM. And you also know that along that road that there's life isn't gonna be perfect. There's gonna be bumps and bruises and hurt in there. Um,

that is going to come there. I don't believe that there's ever been a relationship where where both partners have never been hurt by the other. We're not perfect beings, right as much as we want to be, we're not perfect beings. And our actions will sometimes unintentionally or intentionally hurt the person we love. That's just truth, um. And so you will have to have the courage at some point in your life to take that step, to maybe even blindly take that step, um, and somebody will have

to have the same courage with you. But the the alternative is you never take that step. You always wonder what that step would be like, and you live alone and lonely. So so what is the greater fear? Then?

My fear was like, Wow, if I don't if I don't commit some time and open up my heart and really like get out of being just a hoggy soldier, like I'm going to live an unfulfilled and and love of the list life, you know, like I my my greatest I've said this on the podcast a million times for listeners of my greatest joy and desire in life is to be a loving husband, loving father and friend. Those are the great fulfillments and joys I could ever

imagine in my life. But my daily actions weren't congruent with that. My daily actions were all about hockey, all about sport, all about commitment, zero about personal. So I had to learn and adjust that, and then I had to take a step in that direction and really bring that to the forefront. That was my compass point then in my life. Um, and it's scary, trust me, it's scary. But the fact that you're aware of it, you can start inching towards that cliff. You know, the fact that

you're reading, you can inch towards it. The people you meet. I even changed my language, even when you ask you meet somebody, I even changed my language said saying, hey, how are you that's such a general vanilla question. I even ask people like how's your heart? That's a different like is your heart happy? And then you'll see people react in a different way. And now and now you're penetrating your your intent is actually I'm I'm diving into

this person's journey. I'm getting to know this person, and that's me diving into them. And I hope they recognize that, you know, Um, so I changed the language that I used because I wanted the intent with this connection to be different than just hey, how are you today? I'm good? How are you? Standard answer? Nothing changes, right, but hey, Tori, how's your heart? Is your heart happy today? Yeah? No? Mm hmm. I wish we were in the sam having

this discussion. I wish we were doing because you know, I'm such a Tory fan. I love you dearly um, And I'm thinking I'm racking my brain the same to think I had somebody. Both guys were married, and I'm trying to wrap my brain of like who do I know that I would that I would respect enough to

set them up on a date with you? Yeah, I know it's no for sure, And like that has been something that I've kind of started to take the step forward more in is like asking people like, hey, if you know of anyone like I genuinely want to push myself more. And again it's just like in quarantine. So it's like that's also really hard because I'm not able to go to the bars and like meet someone and at least like have a quick drink with some random person at the bar who buys you drink. You know what,

I mean, like there's not even that interaction. So now like how to really like voice, hey, like I do desire this, and like do you know of anyone that like would be interested? And like I mean, which is also really hard for me because I just am not someone who admits to that. Also, someone being like, hey, like I am lonely, Like that is showing an emotion that I feel like shaman, because I don't think you should feel lonely just because you're not with someone. Um,

But again, that's okay, only right, It's okay. It's okay to say you feel lonely, like to yearn for a stronger connection, that's okay. I think that's healthy to acknowledge it versus deny it and say no, I'm fine, totally totally and again into something that like I have to process through and like why do I feel shame if I'm If I'm genuinely lonely, you know, and it's all deeper.

But that's definitely something that like I've been taking a step forward into of just being like, okay, like ask people for help because I'm not totally Sometimes that person who could be like, hey, can you help me find someone? Have you done any like Zoom or FaceTime dating during No, I'm not on any dating apps, which you know, I just like genuinely don't really want to be on a

dating app. But I have thought of, like maybe it's smart for me just to go on and like push myself to meet people and like see what's out there. But I don't know. I'm a huge advocate of dating apps to my friends, like I'm lonely, I'm like, let's let's set you up a hinge, let's get a bumble going, let's do it. But when it comes to me, I'm like, no, So I don't know. Maybe I'll challenge you in that direction, and you and I next time we get see each other,

we'll set you up or we'll just even FaceTime. But I think, like I think, like right now, if you can't or if you aren't able to go on dates, I mean you could meet out for a walk or something and stay six ft apart so you at least see somebody, um, But also like I think a FaceTime or a Zoom call, like hey, would you mind spending twenty minutes with me? And like I'd love to jump just share some energy and just see if we vibe and we chat whatever, And um, I think that would

be super fun. Yeah, No, definitely, No, definitely, And I do agree. It's just like the fact that half the world is indoors is like a challenge that we've never faced before. So just trying to that and being my mid twenties, I get that. But I do appreciate everyone. You know, I think it's good for me to hear where men's perspect device and hearing like intimidation and all these things, because I think that a lot of women hit their mid twenties or thirties of being told a

million things. So I appreciate you guys giving very honest answers on like what it means to be intimidating or you know, the whole date scenario, and so thank you for Yeah, and I would you're a very You're an incredibly successful young woman. Never ever ever ever feel bad for that. Never ever make a man, or let it not make a man or have a man, um make you feel guilty or anything for that. You've earned all of your success and you have amazing career and potential

ahead of you. Um, and I would say that for every woman. I'd say that for every man to no man should ever make to feel bad about his success from a woman. You've earned everything you've got, and I think for the right person for you, that drive, As Ryan said, that drive is attractive, That drive is a pole. Maybe some men want something get friend. Maybe some men just want like a stay at home wife or something to each their own right. Everybody can have their own preferences.

But you are extremely um successful, extremely attractive, um, you have an extremely beautiful heart. I am dying to set you up. And I always loved, always loved to see you. Every time I see you, I just like you have the biggest smile in the room, and he and I like so any any How, men think listeners, any guys out there that are interested in the date with Tori

on a virtual date? Send me a message on my Instagram and or how men think group on Instagram a message Tori, would you be open to a virtual date from a member of our community? Listen? I hear every romance starts with a good DM. What would you be open if I shared it on my social Really, I'm here push myself. That's it's every girl in their mid twenties. We all need to start reading our d ms. We need to be more open. I'm open, Tori. I love this. I would I would guess that you were gonna say, no,

I'm not open for that. Um, okay, can you text me a photo that you really love? God? Yeah, I will just share. I will just share you as an individual to my community in my world, and and we'll go fishing. Let's go fishing. I love it. I love your openness. Though. I'll say that you're way more open than I was at that age. You know, desperate times, Brooks, desperate times. No, I'm excited for you. I don't know. I even just excited I get to witness and be

part of your journey. Um. And yeah, and I just think like it's also as a guy, like when I'm racking my brain of people that I would love or that I first off know that are single. Um, it's also like you are such a person of integrity and moral fabric and I respect you so much. I'm like, no, not that guy, this guy. No, Like No, it's hard. It's tough when you start eliminating things like even high

and like, okay, there goes half the population. Then like my faith means a lot to me, there goes another half, Like it does make things very difficult. But it's something like there are some things that I just can't compromise on. You know, Yeah, I get it for sure. Never settle, never settled. So Tori, you will get me a photo that you or a carousel even multiples, or we can take of photos that you're really proud of and that you really like and I will share it with my

community and any man in my community. Um, are you looking for a man? Let's just clarify that. Okay, look for a man. So any man in Mike Unity that that would like to get to know you further may be interested in call or a FaceTime call. Um, please reach out to me on my Instagram. Also, I'll say this, I have a friend who is now married, UM that to a girl and they met at one of my barbecues.

Um when I was living back home in Regina and Saskatchewan in the summer in the off season, I used to have these like kind of community barbecues and invite friends, Hey, come over on Saturday, We're gonna barbecue. Just welcome everybody. And two people met one of my barbecues and got married. And it's one of my proudest things that I was able to bring people together and it feels so good.

People found their life partners from that. So if I can in any way, I always try and open my home and open my heart and open my community to make anything happen. And Tori, you mean so much to me. I'd love to do this for you and with you so UM. From one thirst trap to the next set up date, blind dates, here we go. We're just helping each other out. Are you gonna go a first trap photo? Well, Tory,

I want to commend you. I just want to say thank you, um for for opening your heart, for taking that step forward for because this is a this is a vulnerable discussion, this is real, These are your emotions, this is your life. You know where you invest your heart, you invest your life, and you've opened that to us today. And I think many of our listeners can hear themselves

and see themselves in your story. UM, for our listeners, for our male listeners that have been intrigued by this right now, where could they reach out to you directly, young lady? I guess my instagram. UM, my middle name is Bell, so tour Bell t O R R B E L l E beautiful Okay Tour bell and you're about to be Also, I'm gonna put it out on my Instagram. Um, so when you see that, come out, and then I'll just forward you. I'll go through. I'll

be called through like punk punk, punk punk. This guy's a good one, So I'll call through and I'll send you the best. Well, I think we'll have to do a follow up to this show. Well hopefully the follow up will have good responses. You never know, this girl might be crying or we might be happy. Hey, following up. Um, sorry, thank you so much. Thank you to everybody that's listened and shared in Tori's story and in our story to

our community. Also, I want to thank all of our listeners that reached out to me yesterday on my birthday and sent me beautiful warm birthday wishes. So I had so many people say I love the podcast. I've got to know and you know you through the podcast listen every week. So I just want to say thank you to everybody. Tory any last words for just thanks for the honesty and keep bringing it because this actually, really I hope helped a lot of the mid twenties that

are just struggling right now. Okay, see okay, life's and journey, lifes of dance. We're about to find out. Tor Bell in your way, everybody. Thanks for working again today until next week. Take care of one another, love one another, and send Tory Bell ds